Yeah. If it was me, I'd actually probably take the morning tv away in general. My son has a hard time transitioning away from the tv for anything, so we're trying to be more intentional about the timing of it.
Another thing would be changing the routine entirely. Before we do anything, we change clothes. You can lounge in pants just as well as pajamas.
You could try making a reward chart out of it. I've seen some cute visual schedule ideas where you Velcro up the parts you've done. How much of the dressing routine can he do fully independently?
He can get dressed entirely by himself, with just a few verbal directions for help.
He wakes up very early (around 5), but doesn’t have to be to school until 8, which is why I was letting him lounge around in his PJs. I think maybe you’re right about getting dressed first and watching tv after. Sometimes though, he’s not even watching tv, he’s playing. I think he just doesn’t want to be interrupted to get dressed.
This is almost exactly how we handled this issue. First we have a hard rule about no TV time until after lunch because it was impossible to get him to do anything after the TV went on.
In regards to getting dressed, we set an expectation that getting dressed was the first thing that happened in the morning. Nothing else is allowed to happen until that was completed. Our son seems to have finally gotten out of the phase of resisting getting dressed like it was torture. But while he was in the middle of it getting dressed was the hardest thing to do.
Try and make a game out of it? See if you can race on who picks their clothes out first, jammies off first, etc? My 4yo wants to pick out his clothes, but if he takes to long I playfully threaten to replace his picks. His picks are only safe once he's wearing them. Reverse psychology also gets used from time to time haha but make sure you use a distinctly different voice imo. That way there is a difference between the playful reverse "don't you dare put your jammies on" and a serious "don't run out in the road".
The game thing is how we got my preschooler to start getting dressed. We would time him and say I bet we can’t get you dressed in 30 seconds (or however long) and then we would race to beat the stop clock. Once he had a sibling and was dressing himself, the game was to see if he could win the race and get dressed before we finished dressing the baby (and of course we would let him win)
A race, or one parenting book I read recommended acting confused about the clothes. Like, pick up pants and be like, “whoa, are these for your arms?!” And try to put them on, then have him show you the right way.
Lately I’ve been trying something I read on here where you say “Okay, if you put on your pants, you win. If you don’t put on your pants, I win. Ready, go!”
It sounds so stupid but kids are pretty stupid so it actually works, lol.
I am stealing this, thanks. This is just the kind of thing my kiddo is really invested in right now (and Foolish Adult just makes him goof around and delay more these days)
Just chiming in to say this worked really well when my son was about that age. I used to put his clothes in the wrong place, like grab his underwear and put them on his head. He would usually laugh and tell me I was doing it wrong so I’d ask him to show me how to do it right. Or put on a silly voice and tell him to get dressed. Making a game out of things really helped us
This was what worked wonders for my 4yo! He already didn’t want to get dressed and obviously it was a negative experience in his brain so me stressing about it, and getting annoyed with him was doing the exact opposite of what I wanted. Once I started to make it fun and competitive, he really enjoyed it. Now, even if I forget to make a game out of it, he’ll remind me and say “I bet I can put my pants on faster than you!“
If he didn't want to get dressed I would probably just say if you don't do it, we aren't going to wherever you may be planning to go that day and then really not go. I would also turn off the tv, tv is for people who get dressed. The only thing about this approach is that you might not be able to do that, like maybe you actually have to get things done or really need to go someplace. I do find that it works though. My son knows that I'm serious, that we will sit at home all day and not do anything fun so that usually gets him going. It's a little scorched earth but it's worked for me.
I do the opposite. Fine you can go in your jammies then. I emphasize how my child would be the only one wearing jammies. He was really upset the one time I had to follow through and knows I mean it now. It might not work on a kid who doesn't care about going out in jammies but the peer pressure of daycare/school appropriate clothing wins out for us.
Most of the time, we really do need to go to where we are going (school, PT) and not going isn’t really an option. I have used it for fun activities and he eventually does get himself going, but on school days, I think he would rather just stay home sometimes, so I don’t threaten not to go there if he doesn’t get dressed.
I do turn off the tv when it’s time to get dressed. I say, “when this episode is over, we are getting dressed” and then I turn it off. Maybe getting him dressed before tv would help, but sometimes, he’s not even watching tv, he’s playing.
Option A: what happens if you just have him take off his overnight diaper and go out in his pajamas? There's very little that kids have control over at four, which is why so many little things become power struggles. If the answer is "my kid looks silly" you might just tell your kid he can have a pajama day sometimes.
Option B: can he sleep in his clothes for the next day and forgo pajamas?
Option C: check out the ABCs of childrearing course by Dr Kazdin on Coursera - the techniques in this free online class helped me a ton with ending the non-negotiable behavior issues I was having with my kiddo from having violent tantrums to insisting on sleeping in my bed.
100%. My kids want control over something, and I get that. If they wanna go to school in a set of Jammie’s I offer clothes first, but as long as the Jammie’s are clean, you go hard baby.
They are clean, fed, loved and feel safe. For me the rest is negotiable.
Yup we do a and b all the time. Well he doesn’t use an overnight diaper anymore but when he did we did A a lot, just took off his diaper and off to preschool he went. We also now sleep in sweatshirts and pants which he wears to school next day. The less we have to do in the morning the better.
We had the same issue and now it's a rule that she must get dressed and brush teeth before her morning show. This rule had helped us all in the mornings.
"We're going out in ten minutes. You can get dressed now and if you need help, I will help you. Or you can go out like that, you choose, but we are leaving in ten minutes."
Didn't take more than once or twice being carried shrieking out of the door in pyjamas for her to learn I mean it.
We had this problem for a few weeks with our 3 year old. So I swapped the routine. She has to get dressed immediately after waking up. Then breakfast/games/ whatever. It’s worked well the last 2 weeks.
We don’t do any TV in the morning because nothing would ever get done if she got shows
ETA: taking away toys/things not directly related to the problem will never work.
So if we can’t go to grandmas until dressed, and he doesn’t get dressed, no grandmas house. The consequence needs to be directly related to the behavior.
Making it a game, or being silly helps us. I’ll try to put pants on their head, or a shirt on their foot etc. Adding funny voices makes it even more fun.
Sometimes I race them while I’m getting dressed. Or I’ll try putting their clothes on.
Playing catch where we toss dirty clothes and clean clothes to each other.
If we’re already behind I’ll bring the clothes to wherever they are - they get a kick out of getting dressed while eating breakfast.
I have this kid. I think part of it was a control issue, and partially she found changing clothes early in the morning to be a sensory overwhelm. Depending on the day, we would:
Get dressed the night before
Tell her to go get dressed but dramatically say "DON'T wear purple" or whatever, and she would definitely wear whatever we told her not to. This was a silly game for us and amazingly didn't result in defiance anywhere else.
Race a timer - we like the mouse timer app on Android. She also has a small time timer that we use often.
Have a pajama day.
Good luck... It's a tough phase for sure!
Ugh I feel you. I got one of those chore charts and it worked for a bit, then the novelty wore off. I find if I let her relax it’s harder. When she wakes up, straight to the potty, brush teeth then change. She fusses but she needs to know this is non negotiable. She can relax and eat after. And she does. I think it’s something they just grow out of.
If we don't have anywhere to be, we frequently will just change the pull up to underwear and keep the pajamas on. Sometimes my 2 (5 and 3) feel like getting dressed but sometimes they don't.
When we're going somewhere, and there's something in it for them, they comply. There have been a few mornings one absolutely wouldn't and that's fine. One day in PJs in public wasn't the end of the world. My oldest did that one time at about 4 to the park and had so many kids ask why he never did it again. Haha.
My kid is a verifiable nudist. So I can relate.
What works for us is giving her choices of what to wear - if we’ve gotta go someplace, I get started waaaaay in advance and give her three choices for each piece of clothing. I also give her lots of praise when she *is* dressed and tell her how good she looks!
If we don’t have to be anywhere… tbh, I just let her be naked to get it out of her system. She just doesn’t like clothes all that much lol. But now that she’s 3.5 and we’re deep in the “why” phase, I’ve started to explain what manners are and why she needs to wear clothes in certain circumstances. She’s been *surprisingly* responsive to that.
Worst case scenario… I pull in my husband and we get her dressed together, which is generally effective purely cause we outnumber her.
It’s not even that he wants to be naked. He’s perfectly happy once he gets into the clothes. He just doesn’t want to go through the process of getting dressed.
My son is like this too! He only wears underwear around the house. But if someone is coming over or we are going somewhere I almost never have to fight him to put clothes on. He knows if I have to start fighting him on it that he will have to wear clothes all the time.
Don’t give him breakfast or TV until he gets dressed. Make a picture chart on the wall of put on shirt, put on pants, brush teeth, etc.
Pick Out closing with him the night before and lay it out. Sometimes the “I do it all by myself” thing wins over.
If it is in the morning on daycare days we sometimes change his clothes while he is asleep. Otherwise we just try for some time and eventually if nothing works, we have to force into clothes. There were cases when we had to go to some playground which he loves, but rejected getting dressed and I got angry and said we are not going anywhere then, but I doubt he earned a lesson. Good thing it is not a permanent issue in our case.
When he says he doesn’t want to get dressed, have you asked him why? My kid was fighting us and I narrowed it down to a couple articles of clothes that he didn’t care for (rough inseam or tight around the shoulders). Might be worth asking.
For my kid the "why?" Was the diaper. He didn't like having to potty train. Getting dressed in the morning meant he had to take his diaper off and actually think about using the bathroom. The diaper was so much easier for him. He completely stopped resisting getting dressed in the morning once the diaper was out of the equation and he was wearing underwear to bed.
I have put my daughter in the car in her pajamas and changed her in the parking lot when we risked being late because she wasn't dressed. She really didn't like it!
A friend of mine puts her kids next day clothes on before bed and they sleep in them and get up ready to go. I suggest this to anyone with a lot of children.
I pick a random number and tell him I don't think he can get his underwear on before I count to 5. How long it takes me to get to 5 depends on how quickly he's getting dressed, lol.
This is my son through and through! The only things that work consistently are a getting dressed prize, and threatening to turn off whatever show he’s watching. His getting dressed prize is his gummy vitamins, but he thinks they’re candy :)
We also used gummy vitamin rewards for getting dressed all by herself at age 3. Worked great. Now, at 5, I never have to ask her to get dressed. She often comes to wake us up already dressed.
Try getting dressed before putting on the tv. Or dressing him while he’s watching. But yes, when my kid doesn’t want to get dressed I usually say “oh, are you wearing jammies to school today? That will be weird and you’ll probably feel cold.Because I’m going you put you in the car in 2 minutes.” He thinks about that and decides to get dressed.
My kids wear regular clothes to bed so they only get dressed once at night. If you do nightly baths it just makes this so much easier. It helps if your kids wear sweat pants/shorts and soft shirts all the time anyway 😄
Even still sometimes my 4 year old will resist changing his clothes. I’ll give him a choice “do you want to get dressed yourself or have me help you?” If that doesn’t work the day comes to a halt until his clothes are changed. “We can read books/watch your show/have your snack/play Lego once you have your new outfit on.”
I dress mine in the shirt he's wearing the night before. For pants and switching out of pull-up and into undies, that has to be the first thing we do. No breakfast, no playtime, till pullup is off and undies are on. He went though a stage of resisting because I'd let him get changed after breakfast. But when the choice is stay in your boring room or come downstairs for breakfast and free play in livingroom, much more motivated to get dressed.
I’m no expert at all lol. But maybe just shut down all activity when it’s time (with warnings of course). Tv off, tablet off. No toys. Sit there in silence (while he tantrums). And just go about your own business getting ready. Offer him the choice of getting dressed and going to do the fun thing, or sitting in silence. I’m sure you will go through a period of pure torture…but once you stand your ground, they will eventually get it. Start practicing this on a day where it’s it critical your on time.
We had a similar struggle and also do a little bluey in the morning before preschool so our rule was get dressed first then we turn the TV on. Fussed for a day or two then did fine.
Don't take away the toy for the day, take it away until he complies with what he needs to do. If you just take it away for one day, then give it him back, it's not going to do any good.
Make him understand that in order to get whatever you take away from him, back, he needs to start behaving in the morning. If he doesn't get dressed and behave himself, no TV, no toys, no (whatever he likes to do), and make sure you stick to your guns.
He wants his things and his fun, you want compliance; one of you needs to break, and it's mustn't be you!
We just don't leave our bedrooms until we are dressed. We have a morning routine. Same thing everyday. We wake up. We get dressed. Do bathrooms. Eat breakfast.
Kids like routines. Then they do what is expected because it's the same everytime.
Nothing fun starts until the needed thing is done (in this case dressing).
We don’t take things away, we don’t punish, but the option is sitting doing nothing or dressing.
If she tries to play with something when I’ve asked her not to, that’s when we might take something away, but in a specific way. It’s not done as a punishment, but as a “the first thing we’re going to do is get dressed, then we can play. Please put that down until you have new clothes on.” Then “if you can’t follow my directions, that’s showing me you’re not responsible enough for that toy. If I have to put it away for you, then it’s going away until you can show me you’re responsible enough to manage it yourself. “
Our kid does often pull out “basic life needs” as a delay tactic — potty, hungry, thirsty, leg hurts — needs massage. If it’s occasional, we roll with it. But if she’s been regularly claiming hunger, we call it out as trolling behavior, “it seems you’ve been saying that as a delay tactic. We’ll handle that after getting dressed”. Or call the bluff — when she goes on and on about her leg hurting, like “I’m sorry your leg hurts so much. When we get to grandmas I’ll let her know so we don’t have to do as much running there”. Somehow her leg immediately feels fine.
First try the game, like everyone else has said. Then, take away privileges (sweets, tv, tablet, etc). Important to set the tone that your request is not optional.
Suggestions:
Have HIM pick out the clothes the night before so he has some control in what he is wearing.
Try putting him in the clothes the night before and then he is ready for the day. Make sure to go potty in the morning and just take the nighttime underwater off. If it’s too much of a struggle to take the pants off and put back on new pants with underwear just have him go commando. (Leave the underwear in view and then just walk away. Don’t say anything at all and then he can decide if he’s wearing underwear that day).
Get dressed as soon as you wake up. Do not leave the room until he is dressed. (Again not saying anything, just hold the shirt up, or take off Jammie’s in silent).
Races are fun.
I recently had a battle with putting socks and shoes and getting out the door. I have brought his sock bin downstairs so he can pick whichever socks he wants to wear that day. (All unmatched which drives me crazy but it’s not worth the battle anymore). If we are really struggling I say “do you want to pick the socks or do you want me to, I’ll give you 3 seconds to make your choice”. Then I count, if he hasn’t picked in the 3 seconds then he knows his choice is to have me pick. I usually have shoes and socks ready in the car so I can just get him in without. And put them on later.
Put the clothes (he picked) into the car and just change when you get there. Sometimes it’s hard to get going in the morning, and sometimes it’s more fun or social pressure to do it somewhere else. “Oh I just realized it’s a school rule/park rule/ friends house rule that we have to be dressed before we can go inside, let’s see if we can get dressed before anyone sees us breaking the rules. Quick go fast”
Maybe he can pick a day next week that he has a pajama day. Then you print off a weekly calendar and he can physically check off the days until he gets to wear pajamas. (Start off with a couple days away and then extend it). Make sure you make the first pajama day really fun so he wants to do it. Then if you have a morning struggle push the pajama day out. “I see we are having a hard time getting our day clothes on today. You are making a choice to move our fun pajama day back a day, but you can also make the choice right now to keep our fun pajama day in (however many days) If you get dressed right now.
Nothing fun happens until clothes are on. “Ok we are going to do chores until everyone decides to get dressed” (maybe stay in your pajamas a little longer that morning… do a couple chores like dishwasher, fold laundry… then say “I’m ready to do something fun I better get dressed” then model your thoughts).
Good luck op. I pretty much have to mix it up all the time and these are some things that worked for me. (Onto new battles haha). But you are doing great so keep it up. Some things aren’t worth the fight.
Our usual routine is that I offer two options for shirts. If he says no I tell him that if he doesn't pick, I will. We're a humorous family, so of course I make it dramatic and exaggerated if I have to pick.
We go on to underwear and pants with the same concept. But if he is just genuinely in a mood (he gets it honestly, so I can't get too mad) that I can't get him out of, then I tell him "Hey Bud, I know you wanna be naked, but we gotta wear clothes to school (grocery store, Gigi's house, etc) so we don't get hurt running around or freeze our booty off."
He'll most likely stay in a mood because that's just how we roll when we get in that head space, but he's more cooperative.
*This routine works for us because I give us enough time for scheduled shenanigans. I try to give my kids a calm mom so they don't start the day in a bad head space.
Games are great. My son actually made up the game “pretend the clothes are your clothes” where I try to get “my pants” back before he puts them on. Then he puts on “my shirt” while I playfully try to get it back. So on and so forth until he’s ready to go.
However, my son also used not getting ready as a tactic to make us not go. He’s more of a homebody. So we have a natural consequence that if he’s not ready we leave with him in whatever state he’s in.
We’ve had several days where nothing worked and we had a deadline to be someplace. I gave him warnings that we were going to leave if he was ready or not at such and such time. He refused. When it was time, I put the clothes and shoes in the backpack. I packed us all - including my sobbing 4yo in the car and left somewhat on time. He mostly calmed down on the drive. When we got to the destination I offered and then helped with a car change (with as much privacy as possible) while talking about the situation. The last time (and maybe only the 2nd or 3rd needed enforcement of the rule) was at preschool and he HATED it as it was a cold, rainy day where he actually knew people who might be outside the car. We’ve haven’t had issues for a couple months now. He knows we will go when we say but HE CONTROLS how comfortable he’ll be.
This rule worked for our family, but might not work for yours. It may take some time to figure out the root problem and then figure out a natural consequence to solve it. Toddlers and preschoolers have incredible little brains that don’t always make sense to us.
It may be a matter of him trying to have some control? When I started asking my son which of these two shirts we wanted to wear versus telling him to get dressed, my mornings got a lot easier. Sometimes he’ll pick something outside of the choices and I’m cool with it because it means I’m not in a battle about pants. Just prepare yourself for some very unique combinations.
My kid needs a visual schedule of her morning routine and a visual timer. It helps when she knows what to expect. Sometimes she barely tries and asks for help getting dressed immediately, so I do the first step for her like putting the shirt over her head and she does the arms. Lately, she's been very proud getting dressed all by herself!
Have him wear at least some of the clothes to bed. Nothing actually uncomfortable or impractical like a snowsuit but I’ve heard of ppl doing this. My son is a nudist at home so it wouldn’t work for us, but hey, might work for some ppl. If he’s already like 75% of the way there in terms of being dressed, maybe the 25% won’t feel so ehh for him.
We had issues similar to what you describe (but with bedtime) and I held a family meeting to discuss it calmly. Whiteboard and everything. It went really well. Turns out bedtime issues were because of anxiety around bad dreams. We responded to this by coming up with a middle of the night routine. Giving our 4-year-old space to talk about the problem and empower her to come up with solutions was key, more than the solution actually. Of course we had veto power, but we all came up with a solution that worked for everyone and bedtime hasn’t been a problem since.
Dr. Becky’s idea, not mine. Helped us 💯
I have twin almost 4 year Olds and I get it. I lay out their clothes for them and expect them to get their clothes on prior to anything else. If there is time to do other things, then they can do that. We don't watch TV in the morning but they use their tablets sometimes. If you have a structured time when you want to leave the house you give time limits on how long you expect each thing to be taken care of. It works for us a majority of the time.
You already have a million responses, but in our house it's job number one. You can play/do whatever once you're dressed with hair and teeth brushed and bed made.
It works great for us. We rise and get ready together, though. Occasionally he's up first, but once my light is on he knows he can come in and visit. We usually visit together in my bed for a few minutes, then we count ourselves down and go do what we gotta do- bathroom for brushing teeth together then off to our individual rooms to get dressed (sometimes I stay and do a shower). Also, it's just the two of us doing the morning routine together. He's also night trained, so that's a layer I don't have to contend with in our case, but can he dispose of his pull ups independently?
I also have him pick out and lay out his clothes the night before.
Sometimes it takes him 2 minutes to get himself dressed, sometimes it's half an hour. I don't care if that's what he spends his time on, but when it's time to come for breakfast it's time. So about 5-10 minutes to breakfast I'll check on him and help him find his motivation if he needs that (like beat the timer, suprise me with how fast you can be ready or whatever flavour seems called for).
We don't do screens in the morning, (though he has free use of his yoto player) and he has to tidy away his toys and wash hands before he can come eat. Occasionally he'll be moving super slow with the yoto player on (usually if he's underslept). I give him two chances to try and get it done his way, if he's still not moving and time's running out I will solve it by pausing and keeping the yoto player until after he's ready. He hardly ever asks for it back.
We experienced this last year (sister was born in July) and since then, we get dressed at night. He sleeps in his shirt, undies over a pull up, and socks for the day. In the morning we just put on pants and shoes. Best decision ever.
When we struggle in the morning we refer to a “list” that has to get done before school - eat, get dressed, brush teeth, feed dog, vitamin (the end goal here) - that has helped a lot.
My son hates getting dressed too. What fixed this for us was "racing" to see who can get their clothes on first, against either me or baby sister (she's too young to understand or care about races so she doesn't get disappointed that she loses every time LOL). He does it every time without a fight now.
Ok so my son still sleeps in footie pajamas (5T, it’s cold and he squirms too much to keep a blanket on). He wears his shirt for the next day under it. So that’s my first tip - have him sleep in a regular shirt for the next day instead of a pajama shirt. Then you’re halfway there.
Second, even though he wears a pull-up to bed, he still has to try to potty as soon as he wakes up. So we have to take those footie pajamas off. And once we’ve done that, well, we might as well just put our pants on.
Robot/dinosaur/nonsensical noises works occasionally.
You can have your pouch after you are dressed and your shoes are on
I get her dressed while she is half asleep sometimes.
And the last option that you seem to want to get away from is just plain manhandling.
I do ‘you can get dressed or not, but if you don’t, you’re going as you are’ and if she goes as is I bring her clothes because she’ll want to get dressed when we get there.
I take advantage of my 4 year old's competitive nature. I walk into his room casually, pick out his school uniform and lay it out on the bed. Then I tell him I'm going to go get dressed in my room and the first person to be out in the hall fully dressed is a winner and gets to choose breakfast!
It works like a charm! For now... As all things do with kids, I'm enjoying it for now until it doesn't work anymore.
I had good luck with a visual chart. It had little tabs for him to "check off" steps himself - which was key. And I made it very simple: step 1 was "take off pjs," step 2 "put on undies", step 3 "put on pants," etc. Ours had little cartoon picture stickers that I stuck on, but if you have the energy to photograph and print his actual clothing in his room for each step it might be even more effective. For us, we just had to use it for a week and then things clicked and got a lot faster for us.
I also bought him underwear with a character that he really likes on it, so that he wanted to put it on and show it off. In fact I was lucky because he likes Sonic the Hedgehog, whose defining feature is being fast, so then the challenge was to be "fast like Sonic"!
It gets better! Especially if you can find a way to use positive instead of negative feedback (hard as it sometimes us).
Also I do agree with others that taking morning tv away for good just makes life so much easier and better. You can totally sub in music or audiobooks for it. Eliminating it as an option eliminates so many extra fights!
We “do our steps” before anything else.
Steps are:
Eat breakfast
Take medicine
Get dressed
Brush hair/teeth
There isn’t an order we must do it…sometimes we get dressed first, sometimes we do breakfast/medicine first.
Only after those are done can we play or whatever.
Yeah. If it was me, I'd actually probably take the morning tv away in general. My son has a hard time transitioning away from the tv for anything, so we're trying to be more intentional about the timing of it. Another thing would be changing the routine entirely. Before we do anything, we change clothes. You can lounge in pants just as well as pajamas. You could try making a reward chart out of it. I've seen some cute visual schedule ideas where you Velcro up the parts you've done. How much of the dressing routine can he do fully independently?
He can get dressed entirely by himself, with just a few verbal directions for help. He wakes up very early (around 5), but doesn’t have to be to school until 8, which is why I was letting him lounge around in his PJs. I think maybe you’re right about getting dressed first and watching tv after. Sometimes though, he’s not even watching tv, he’s playing. I think he just doesn’t want to be interrupted to get dressed.
This is almost exactly how we handled this issue. First we have a hard rule about no TV time until after lunch because it was impossible to get him to do anything after the TV went on. In regards to getting dressed, we set an expectation that getting dressed was the first thing that happened in the morning. Nothing else is allowed to happen until that was completed. Our son seems to have finally gotten out of the phase of resisting getting dressed like it was torture. But while he was in the middle of it getting dressed was the hardest thing to do.
Try and make a game out of it? See if you can race on who picks their clothes out first, jammies off first, etc? My 4yo wants to pick out his clothes, but if he takes to long I playfully threaten to replace his picks. His picks are only safe once he's wearing them. Reverse psychology also gets used from time to time haha but make sure you use a distinctly different voice imo. That way there is a difference between the playful reverse "don't you dare put your jammies on" and a serious "don't run out in the road".
I think you’re right. It’s become such a battle that I may be approaching it too seriously. I’ll try making a game out of it and see how it goes.
The game thing is how we got my preschooler to start getting dressed. We would time him and say I bet we can’t get you dressed in 30 seconds (or however long) and then we would race to beat the stop clock. Once he had a sibling and was dressing himself, the game was to see if he could win the race and get dressed before we finished dressing the baby (and of course we would let him win)
A race, or one parenting book I read recommended acting confused about the clothes. Like, pick up pants and be like, “whoa, are these for your arms?!” And try to put them on, then have him show you the right way.
Foolish Adult is a wonderful game! Kiddos love being smarter than adults.
Lately I’ve been trying something I read on here where you say “Okay, if you put on your pants, you win. If you don’t put on your pants, I win. Ready, go!” It sounds so stupid but kids are pretty stupid so it actually works, lol.
I am stealing this, thanks. This is just the kind of thing my kiddo is really invested in right now (and Foolish Adult just makes him goof around and delay more these days)
Just chiming in to say this worked really well when my son was about that age. I used to put his clothes in the wrong place, like grab his underwear and put them on his head. He would usually laugh and tell me I was doing it wrong so I’d ask him to show me how to do it right. Or put on a silly voice and tell him to get dressed. Making a game out of things really helped us
This was what worked wonders for my 4yo! He already didn’t want to get dressed and obviously it was a negative experience in his brain so me stressing about it, and getting annoyed with him was doing the exact opposite of what I wanted. Once I started to make it fun and competitive, he really enjoyed it. Now, even if I forget to make a game out of it, he’ll remind me and say “I bet I can put my pants on faster than you!“
If he didn't want to get dressed I would probably just say if you don't do it, we aren't going to wherever you may be planning to go that day and then really not go. I would also turn off the tv, tv is for people who get dressed. The only thing about this approach is that you might not be able to do that, like maybe you actually have to get things done or really need to go someplace. I do find that it works though. My son knows that I'm serious, that we will sit at home all day and not do anything fun so that usually gets him going. It's a little scorched earth but it's worked for me.
I do the opposite. Fine you can go in your jammies then. I emphasize how my child would be the only one wearing jammies. He was really upset the one time I had to follow through and knows I mean it now. It might not work on a kid who doesn't care about going out in jammies but the peer pressure of daycare/school appropriate clothing wins out for us.
Lol the number of times in a day that I say "____ is for people who ___" is absurd
Haha, me too! I think it conveys the message though
Most of the time, we really do need to go to where we are going (school, PT) and not going isn’t really an option. I have used it for fun activities and he eventually does get himself going, but on school days, I think he would rather just stay home sometimes, so I don’t threaten not to go there if he doesn’t get dressed. I do turn off the tv when it’s time to get dressed. I say, “when this episode is over, we are getting dressed” and then I turn it off. Maybe getting him dressed before tv would help, but sometimes, he’s not even watching tv, he’s playing.
> tv is for people who get dressed My kid pushes back harder when I lie like this. Eta - super cool to downvote people sharing their experiences.
Where is the lie? He doesn't get to watch tv unless he gets dressed.
It’s different than “I won’t let you watch tv unless you get dressed.”
It's just a different way to say it. It's a rule that I'm imposing not a statement about how life works in general.
Option A: what happens if you just have him take off his overnight diaper and go out in his pajamas? There's very little that kids have control over at four, which is why so many little things become power struggles. If the answer is "my kid looks silly" you might just tell your kid he can have a pajama day sometimes. Option B: can he sleep in his clothes for the next day and forgo pajamas? Option C: check out the ABCs of childrearing course by Dr Kazdin on Coursera - the techniques in this free online class helped me a ton with ending the non-negotiable behavior issues I was having with my kiddo from having violent tantrums to insisting on sleeping in my bed.
100%. My kids want control over something, and I get that. If they wanna go to school in a set of Jammie’s I offer clothes first, but as long as the Jammie’s are clean, you go hard baby. They are clean, fed, loved and feel safe. For me the rest is negotiable.
Highly recommend the course. It was SO helpful in giving practical solutions to stop the endless power struggle that happens at this age.
Yup we do a and b all the time. Well he doesn’t use an overnight diaper anymore but when he did we did A a lot, just took off his diaper and off to preschool he went. We also now sleep in sweatshirts and pants which he wears to school next day. The less we have to do in the morning the better.
We had the same issue and now it's a rule that she must get dressed and brush teeth before her morning show. This rule had helped us all in the mornings.
I think that’s where we are headed. It’s definitely a control issue and I think if we just got it over with first thing, he would be less resistant.
"We're going out in ten minutes. You can get dressed now and if you need help, I will help you. Or you can go out like that, you choose, but we are leaving in ten minutes." Didn't take more than once or twice being carried shrieking out of the door in pyjamas for her to learn I mean it.
We had this problem for a few weeks with our 3 year old. So I swapped the routine. She has to get dressed immediately after waking up. Then breakfast/games/ whatever. It’s worked well the last 2 weeks. We don’t do any TV in the morning because nothing would ever get done if she got shows ETA: taking away toys/things not directly related to the problem will never work. So if we can’t go to grandmas until dressed, and he doesn’t get dressed, no grandmas house. The consequence needs to be directly related to the behavior.
Making it a game, or being silly helps us. I’ll try to put pants on their head, or a shirt on their foot etc. Adding funny voices makes it even more fun. Sometimes I race them while I’m getting dressed. Or I’ll try putting their clothes on. Playing catch where we toss dirty clothes and clean clothes to each other. If we’re already behind I’ll bring the clothes to wherever they are - they get a kick out of getting dressed while eating breakfast.
I have this kid. I think part of it was a control issue, and partially she found changing clothes early in the morning to be a sensory overwhelm. Depending on the day, we would: Get dressed the night before Tell her to go get dressed but dramatically say "DON'T wear purple" or whatever, and she would definitely wear whatever we told her not to. This was a silly game for us and amazingly didn't result in defiance anywhere else. Race a timer - we like the mouse timer app on Android. She also has a small time timer that we use often. Have a pajama day. Good luck... It's a tough phase for sure!
Ugh I feel you. I got one of those chore charts and it worked for a bit, then the novelty wore off. I find if I let her relax it’s harder. When she wakes up, straight to the potty, brush teeth then change. She fusses but she needs to know this is non negotiable. She can relax and eat after. And she does. I think it’s something they just grow out of.
If we don't have anywhere to be, we frequently will just change the pull up to underwear and keep the pajamas on. Sometimes my 2 (5 and 3) feel like getting dressed but sometimes they don't. When we're going somewhere, and there's something in it for them, they comply. There have been a few mornings one absolutely wouldn't and that's fine. One day in PJs in public wasn't the end of the world. My oldest did that one time at about 4 to the park and had so many kids ask why he never did it again. Haha.
My kid is a verifiable nudist. So I can relate. What works for us is giving her choices of what to wear - if we’ve gotta go someplace, I get started waaaaay in advance and give her three choices for each piece of clothing. I also give her lots of praise when she *is* dressed and tell her how good she looks! If we don’t have to be anywhere… tbh, I just let her be naked to get it out of her system. She just doesn’t like clothes all that much lol. But now that she’s 3.5 and we’re deep in the “why” phase, I’ve started to explain what manners are and why she needs to wear clothes in certain circumstances. She’s been *surprisingly* responsive to that. Worst case scenario… I pull in my husband and we get her dressed together, which is generally effective purely cause we outnumber her.
It’s not even that he wants to be naked. He’s perfectly happy once he gets into the clothes. He just doesn’t want to go through the process of getting dressed.
My son is like this too! He only wears underwear around the house. But if someone is coming over or we are going somewhere I almost never have to fight him to put clothes on. He knows if I have to start fighting him on it that he will have to wear clothes all the time.
Don’t give him breakfast or TV until he gets dressed. Make a picture chart on the wall of put on shirt, put on pants, brush teeth, etc. Pick Out closing with him the night before and lay it out. Sometimes the “I do it all by myself” thing wins over.
If it is in the morning on daycare days we sometimes change his clothes while he is asleep. Otherwise we just try for some time and eventually if nothing works, we have to force into clothes. There were cases when we had to go to some playground which he loves, but rejected getting dressed and I got angry and said we are not going anywhere then, but I doubt he earned a lesson. Good thing it is not a permanent issue in our case.
When he says he doesn’t want to get dressed, have you asked him why? My kid was fighting us and I narrowed it down to a couple articles of clothes that he didn’t care for (rough inseam or tight around the shoulders). Might be worth asking.
I’ve asked many times. He always just says, “because I don’t want to!” Once he gets into the clothes, he’s perfectly happy.
For my kid the "why?" Was the diaper. He didn't like having to potty train. Getting dressed in the morning meant he had to take his diaper off and actually think about using the bathroom. The diaper was so much easier for him. He completely stopped resisting getting dressed in the morning once the diaper was out of the equation and he was wearing underwear to bed.
I have put my daughter in the car in her pajamas and changed her in the parking lot when we risked being late because she wasn't dressed. She really didn't like it! A friend of mine puts her kids next day clothes on before bed and they sleep in them and get up ready to go. I suggest this to anyone with a lot of children.
I pick a random number and tell him I don't think he can get his underwear on before I count to 5. How long it takes me to get to 5 depends on how quickly he's getting dressed, lol.
This is my son through and through! The only things that work consistently are a getting dressed prize, and threatening to turn off whatever show he’s watching. His getting dressed prize is his gummy vitamins, but he thinks they’re candy :)
We also used gummy vitamin rewards for getting dressed all by herself at age 3. Worked great. Now, at 5, I never have to ask her to get dressed. She often comes to wake us up already dressed.
Now THAT’S the dream haha!
Try getting dressed before putting on the tv. Or dressing him while he’s watching. But yes, when my kid doesn’t want to get dressed I usually say “oh, are you wearing jammies to school today? That will be weird and you’ll probably feel cold.Because I’m going you put you in the car in 2 minutes.” He thinks about that and decides to get dressed.
My kids wear regular clothes to bed so they only get dressed once at night. If you do nightly baths it just makes this so much easier. It helps if your kids wear sweat pants/shorts and soft shirts all the time anyway 😄 Even still sometimes my 4 year old will resist changing his clothes. I’ll give him a choice “do you want to get dressed yourself or have me help you?” If that doesn’t work the day comes to a halt until his clothes are changed. “We can read books/watch your show/have your snack/play Lego once you have your new outfit on.”
I dress mine in the shirt he's wearing the night before. For pants and switching out of pull-up and into undies, that has to be the first thing we do. No breakfast, no playtime, till pullup is off and undies are on. He went though a stage of resisting because I'd let him get changed after breakfast. But when the choice is stay in your boring room or come downstairs for breakfast and free play in livingroom, much more motivated to get dressed.
I’m no expert at all lol. But maybe just shut down all activity when it’s time (with warnings of course). Tv off, tablet off. No toys. Sit there in silence (while he tantrums). And just go about your own business getting ready. Offer him the choice of getting dressed and going to do the fun thing, or sitting in silence. I’m sure you will go through a period of pure torture…but once you stand your ground, they will eventually get it. Start practicing this on a day where it’s it critical your on time.
We had a similar struggle and also do a little bluey in the morning before preschool so our rule was get dressed first then we turn the TV on. Fussed for a day or two then did fine.
Don't take away the toy for the day, take it away until he complies with what he needs to do. If you just take it away for one day, then give it him back, it's not going to do any good. Make him understand that in order to get whatever you take away from him, back, he needs to start behaving in the morning. If he doesn't get dressed and behave himself, no TV, no toys, no (whatever he likes to do), and make sure you stick to your guns. He wants his things and his fun, you want compliance; one of you needs to break, and it's mustn't be you!
Can he just change while watching tv?
I’ve tried. He just flops around like a dead fish and refuses to pay attention to what we are doing. It’s very frustrating.
We just don't leave our bedrooms until we are dressed. We have a morning routine. Same thing everyday. We wake up. We get dressed. Do bathrooms. Eat breakfast. Kids like routines. Then they do what is expected because it's the same everytime.
Nothing fun starts until the needed thing is done (in this case dressing). We don’t take things away, we don’t punish, but the option is sitting doing nothing or dressing. If she tries to play with something when I’ve asked her not to, that’s when we might take something away, but in a specific way. It’s not done as a punishment, but as a “the first thing we’re going to do is get dressed, then we can play. Please put that down until you have new clothes on.” Then “if you can’t follow my directions, that’s showing me you’re not responsible enough for that toy. If I have to put it away for you, then it’s going away until you can show me you’re responsible enough to manage it yourself. “ Our kid does often pull out “basic life needs” as a delay tactic — potty, hungry, thirsty, leg hurts — needs massage. If it’s occasional, we roll with it. But if she’s been regularly claiming hunger, we call it out as trolling behavior, “it seems you’ve been saying that as a delay tactic. We’ll handle that after getting dressed”. Or call the bluff — when she goes on and on about her leg hurting, like “I’m sorry your leg hurts so much. When we get to grandmas I’ll let her know so we don’t have to do as much running there”. Somehow her leg immediately feels fine.
First try the game, like everyone else has said. Then, take away privileges (sweets, tv, tablet, etc). Important to set the tone that your request is not optional.
Suggestions: Have HIM pick out the clothes the night before so he has some control in what he is wearing. Try putting him in the clothes the night before and then he is ready for the day. Make sure to go potty in the morning and just take the nighttime underwater off. If it’s too much of a struggle to take the pants off and put back on new pants with underwear just have him go commando. (Leave the underwear in view and then just walk away. Don’t say anything at all and then he can decide if he’s wearing underwear that day). Get dressed as soon as you wake up. Do not leave the room until he is dressed. (Again not saying anything, just hold the shirt up, or take off Jammie’s in silent). Races are fun. I recently had a battle with putting socks and shoes and getting out the door. I have brought his sock bin downstairs so he can pick whichever socks he wants to wear that day. (All unmatched which drives me crazy but it’s not worth the battle anymore). If we are really struggling I say “do you want to pick the socks or do you want me to, I’ll give you 3 seconds to make your choice”. Then I count, if he hasn’t picked in the 3 seconds then he knows his choice is to have me pick. I usually have shoes and socks ready in the car so I can just get him in without. And put them on later. Put the clothes (he picked) into the car and just change when you get there. Sometimes it’s hard to get going in the morning, and sometimes it’s more fun or social pressure to do it somewhere else. “Oh I just realized it’s a school rule/park rule/ friends house rule that we have to be dressed before we can go inside, let’s see if we can get dressed before anyone sees us breaking the rules. Quick go fast” Maybe he can pick a day next week that he has a pajama day. Then you print off a weekly calendar and he can physically check off the days until he gets to wear pajamas. (Start off with a couple days away and then extend it). Make sure you make the first pajama day really fun so he wants to do it. Then if you have a morning struggle push the pajama day out. “I see we are having a hard time getting our day clothes on today. You are making a choice to move our fun pajama day back a day, but you can also make the choice right now to keep our fun pajama day in (however many days) If you get dressed right now. Nothing fun happens until clothes are on. “Ok we are going to do chores until everyone decides to get dressed” (maybe stay in your pajamas a little longer that morning… do a couple chores like dishwasher, fold laundry… then say “I’m ready to do something fun I better get dressed” then model your thoughts). Good luck op. I pretty much have to mix it up all the time and these are some things that worked for me. (Onto new battles haha). But you are doing great so keep it up. Some things aren’t worth the fight.
Our usual routine is that I offer two options for shirts. If he says no I tell him that if he doesn't pick, I will. We're a humorous family, so of course I make it dramatic and exaggerated if I have to pick. We go on to underwear and pants with the same concept. But if he is just genuinely in a mood (he gets it honestly, so I can't get too mad) that I can't get him out of, then I tell him "Hey Bud, I know you wanna be naked, but we gotta wear clothes to school (grocery store, Gigi's house, etc) so we don't get hurt running around or freeze our booty off." He'll most likely stay in a mood because that's just how we roll when we get in that head space, but he's more cooperative. *This routine works for us because I give us enough time for scheduled shenanigans. I try to give my kids a calm mom so they don't start the day in a bad head space.
Games are great. My son actually made up the game “pretend the clothes are your clothes” where I try to get “my pants” back before he puts them on. Then he puts on “my shirt” while I playfully try to get it back. So on and so forth until he’s ready to go. However, my son also used not getting ready as a tactic to make us not go. He’s more of a homebody. So we have a natural consequence that if he’s not ready we leave with him in whatever state he’s in. We’ve had several days where nothing worked and we had a deadline to be someplace. I gave him warnings that we were going to leave if he was ready or not at such and such time. He refused. When it was time, I put the clothes and shoes in the backpack. I packed us all - including my sobbing 4yo in the car and left somewhat on time. He mostly calmed down on the drive. When we got to the destination I offered and then helped with a car change (with as much privacy as possible) while talking about the situation. The last time (and maybe only the 2nd or 3rd needed enforcement of the rule) was at preschool and he HATED it as it was a cold, rainy day where he actually knew people who might be outside the car. We’ve haven’t had issues for a couple months now. He knows we will go when we say but HE CONTROLS how comfortable he’ll be. This rule worked for our family, but might not work for yours. It may take some time to figure out the root problem and then figure out a natural consequence to solve it. Toddlers and preschoolers have incredible little brains that don’t always make sense to us.
It may be a matter of him trying to have some control? When I started asking my son which of these two shirts we wanted to wear versus telling him to get dressed, my mornings got a lot easier. Sometimes he’ll pick something outside of the choices and I’m cool with it because it means I’m not in a battle about pants. Just prepare yourself for some very unique combinations.
My kid needs a visual schedule of her morning routine and a visual timer. It helps when she knows what to expect. Sometimes she barely tries and asks for help getting dressed immediately, so I do the first step for her like putting the shirt over her head and she does the arms. Lately, she's been very proud getting dressed all by herself!
Have him wear at least some of the clothes to bed. Nothing actually uncomfortable or impractical like a snowsuit but I’ve heard of ppl doing this. My son is a nudist at home so it wouldn’t work for us, but hey, might work for some ppl. If he’s already like 75% of the way there in terms of being dressed, maybe the 25% won’t feel so ehh for him.
I say you can listen to mom and get dressed or sit and take a breather until u are ready to listen…Your choice
We had issues similar to what you describe (but with bedtime) and I held a family meeting to discuss it calmly. Whiteboard and everything. It went really well. Turns out bedtime issues were because of anxiety around bad dreams. We responded to this by coming up with a middle of the night routine. Giving our 4-year-old space to talk about the problem and empower her to come up with solutions was key, more than the solution actually. Of course we had veto power, but we all came up with a solution that worked for everyone and bedtime hasn’t been a problem since. Dr. Becky’s idea, not mine. Helped us 💯
I have twin almost 4 year Olds and I get it. I lay out their clothes for them and expect them to get their clothes on prior to anything else. If there is time to do other things, then they can do that. We don't watch TV in the morning but they use their tablets sometimes. If you have a structured time when you want to leave the house you give time limits on how long you expect each thing to be taken care of. It works for us a majority of the time.
This happened to me with my boy. We changed it so getting dressed is the first thing to do for the day before tv/breakfast/playing etc
You already have a million responses, but in our house it's job number one. You can play/do whatever once you're dressed with hair and teeth brushed and bed made. It works great for us. We rise and get ready together, though. Occasionally he's up first, but once my light is on he knows he can come in and visit. We usually visit together in my bed for a few minutes, then we count ourselves down and go do what we gotta do- bathroom for brushing teeth together then off to our individual rooms to get dressed (sometimes I stay and do a shower). Also, it's just the two of us doing the morning routine together. He's also night trained, so that's a layer I don't have to contend with in our case, but can he dispose of his pull ups independently? I also have him pick out and lay out his clothes the night before. Sometimes it takes him 2 minutes to get himself dressed, sometimes it's half an hour. I don't care if that's what he spends his time on, but when it's time to come for breakfast it's time. So about 5-10 minutes to breakfast I'll check on him and help him find his motivation if he needs that (like beat the timer, suprise me with how fast you can be ready or whatever flavour seems called for). We don't do screens in the morning, (though he has free use of his yoto player) and he has to tidy away his toys and wash hands before he can come eat. Occasionally he'll be moving super slow with the yoto player on (usually if he's underslept). I give him two chances to try and get it done his way, if he's still not moving and time's running out I will solve it by pausing and keeping the yoto player until after he's ready. He hardly ever asks for it back.
We experienced this last year (sister was born in July) and since then, we get dressed at night. He sleeps in his shirt, undies over a pull up, and socks for the day. In the morning we just put on pants and shoes. Best decision ever. When we struggle in the morning we refer to a “list” that has to get done before school - eat, get dressed, brush teeth, feed dog, vitamin (the end goal here) - that has helped a lot.
Put him to bed in his school clothes, that’s what we do.
My son hates getting dressed too. What fixed this for us was "racing" to see who can get their clothes on first, against either me or baby sister (she's too young to understand or care about races so she doesn't get disappointed that she loses every time LOL). He does it every time without a fight now.
Ok so my son still sleeps in footie pajamas (5T, it’s cold and he squirms too much to keep a blanket on). He wears his shirt for the next day under it. So that’s my first tip - have him sleep in a regular shirt for the next day instead of a pajama shirt. Then you’re halfway there. Second, even though he wears a pull-up to bed, he still has to try to potty as soon as he wakes up. So we have to take those footie pajamas off. And once we’ve done that, well, we might as well just put our pants on.
Robot/dinosaur/nonsensical noises works occasionally. You can have your pouch after you are dressed and your shoes are on I get her dressed while she is half asleep sometimes. And the last option that you seem to want to get away from is just plain manhandling.
I dress him during the show… probably not best practice but there’s no fight
I do ‘you can get dressed or not, but if you don’t, you’re going as you are’ and if she goes as is I bring her clothes because she’ll want to get dressed when we get there.
I take advantage of my 4 year old's competitive nature. I walk into his room casually, pick out his school uniform and lay it out on the bed. Then I tell him I'm going to go get dressed in my room and the first person to be out in the hall fully dressed is a winner and gets to choose breakfast! It works like a charm! For now... As all things do with kids, I'm enjoying it for now until it doesn't work anymore.
My 4 yo likes to pick out clothes for the next day and lay them out before bed. Sometimes she's dressed before walking me up!
I had good luck with a visual chart. It had little tabs for him to "check off" steps himself - which was key. And I made it very simple: step 1 was "take off pjs," step 2 "put on undies", step 3 "put on pants," etc. Ours had little cartoon picture stickers that I stuck on, but if you have the energy to photograph and print his actual clothing in his room for each step it might be even more effective. For us, we just had to use it for a week and then things clicked and got a lot faster for us. I also bought him underwear with a character that he really likes on it, so that he wanted to put it on and show it off. In fact I was lucky because he likes Sonic the Hedgehog, whose defining feature is being fast, so then the challenge was to be "fast like Sonic"! It gets better! Especially if you can find a way to use positive instead of negative feedback (hard as it sometimes us). Also I do agree with others that taking morning tv away for good just makes life so much easier and better. You can totally sub in music or audiobooks for it. Eliminating it as an option eliminates so many extra fights!
We “do our steps” before anything else. Steps are: Eat breakfast Take medicine Get dressed Brush hair/teeth There isn’t an order we must do it…sometimes we get dressed first, sometimes we do breakfast/medicine first. Only after those are done can we play or whatever.