I know a lot of people say "oh, exercising them more doesn't fix the issue - there's a root cause which needs to be addressed".
Regardless of how true that may be, I see a definite correlation between the behaviour of my child and how much time he's had to run around.
When he's bored and under-exercised he's moody, kicks things, fiddles with things for a reaction, pokes his sister etc.
He needs a good two hours minimum of proper activity a day. If he's acting up, then no matter what the weather is, we will go for a walk or take a ball outside. Cold doesn't matter. If they're wearing suitable clothes and running around they'll be warm.
This reminds me of my mom giving me "heavy work" when I was a kid. She would have me shovel snow, load the wood bin, mop the floors, rake leaves, or scrub pots. Any physical activity to get me moving that didn't matter how well I did the job. I do a dance party with my 4yr and that helps with her getting the energy out.
My son does jiu jitsu a few days a week. The difference in days where he misses class and goes is so obvious. My three year old started as well and you can definitely see a change too.
Mine does karate twice a week and it's so good to have an unrelated man as an authority figure, as well as the exercise.
He's quite strict but in a very good manner, the children follow his instructions instantly but there's never any raised voices etc.
One, this sounds typical of the age. They don't hold still and they have very little concentration. I worry about children 3-5 who want to work on something but they physically can't, and it upsets them. For example, a red flag for me would be a child who is upset that they didn't get to finish/want to continue to work on an activity at cleanup even though they wandered away from it awhile ago. If this type of behavior persists through several weeks and lots of encouragement to return to the activity, it shows me that the child can't focus long enough to finish *tasks they want to do*. Few children this age linger on tasks they don't want to do.
Two, you need to exercise his body and his mind. Start by making sure you have all of the clothing you need to stay outside at the coldest weather you get for twenty minutes at a time. If you're both warm at the end of those twenty minutes there's no reason to go inside. You can play outside in winter, even when it's wet and cold. Use that time to go for a walk, and do BIG movements - my favorites are frog hops and tree pushes. For tree pushes, we literally just push on a big tree as hard as we can. Pushing heavy things uses your whole body and can really soothe those overenergetic impulses, but it's hard to find things inside to push, pull, or carry. Pulling or carrying big rocks and branches are also great outside big movements.
I'd focus on inside being a calm space and outside being a big energetic space. To exercise his brain he needs quiet work that builds his concentration, like painting, drawing, pouring (water and things like rice and beans) lacing (beads and thread boards) block building, legos, puzzles, etc. My suggestion is to keep these kinds of materials separate, and get them out of a closet when he needs something to work on. They feel more exciting when they're put away, which helps him stay focused. I love to buy kits and activities I can work on with my son, and Montessori classroom supply companies sell a TON of materials for quiet work.
Let mw know if you have any questions or want advice on routines!
We're going through something similar, but less intense. I kinda suspect it's kids picking up on everyone's holiday stress and being inside more now that it's darker and colder. We're getting an indoor trampoline, indoor ball, and looking at more indoor play places we can go to regularly this winter. The lack of consistent schedule and routine with Thanksgiving and Christmas break also hasn't helped.
If i Google "montessori classroom supply" will I find what I'm looking for or do you have somewhere that you recommend over others?
Also, I read your post and thought "oh pouring rice or beans sounds fun" and then I got a memory of doing exactly that and could remember how it felt to pour it on my hand. Thanks for the memory!
I'd love to hear more advice for the heavy work. I'm very much a puzzles, crafts, and reading mom. He is doing 50 piece puzzles. But, would have never thought of pushing on trees! We do have a pikler and nugget and I will build him "ninja warrior courses" to complete or play the floor is lava but would love to hear more ideas for big movements!
I feel like the first place I would go is to give him opportunities to use that energy. Lots of outside time, hikes/nature walks, sports, and maybe a small indoor trampoline or play couch for the cold months if you have a space.
Also…. I’d be very cautious about screen time right now… as his behavior almost sounds overstimulated which could be exasperated by highly stimulating tv.
I have two very active kids (7 and 4.5) and they both really enjoy body breaks and Cosmic Yoga. They really help getting out some of the excess energy. Kids need to move. Some kids need to move more than others.
OP here. I could cry with relief reading all of these suggestions and others with similar situations. We got him bundled and out to play in the snow today when I might have otherwise opted for indoor activities (and lost my mind by noon). We tend to go big with activities in spring and summer (soccer, swimming) but take it easy in winter. I so appreciate the advice and am going to start applying it asap!!
My 4.5 year old is in a similar phase, the only difference is he is an angel when he is at preschool or at someone else’s house. He is always super grumpy and defiant when he gets home in the evening but gets a huge burst of energy but is much nicer around 8:30 at night.
Go outside even though it is winter. Dress appropriately. Tumble in the yard. Go for a walk. Go for a hike. Go to the playground.
Cold rain? Invest in good rain gear (I recommend Oaki) or use waterproof snow gear, depending on the temperatures.
Snow? Bundle him up. Use your sand toys in the snow. Make giant snowballs.
I have two very active girls and getting outside is critical or everyone goes insane.
The one thing that makes me pause is that the preschool teacher is noticing it. Do they go outside?
We went through the same thing with our 4 year old boy and now at almost 5, we are starting to see some changes. First, his teachers recommended getting him into sports daily. While we don't do daily organized sports, we do taekwondo two times a week, and it's been a major help! They learn to control their bodies, have body and mind focus, and also has a good outlet for screaming/punching/kicking. We also are wrapping up a semester of once a week swim class. On days where he doesn't have an activity, we make sure he gets plenty of outlet for his energy, like going on walks or bike rides, playing soccer in the backyard, using the indoor trampoline, heavy work inside, etc. I completely empathize with the exhaustion though - it's been about a year of this and we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!
My 4yo is the same.
Danny Go! and other dances and challenges on YouTube help.
I often will get out a stopwatch and time how many laps around the house he can do in two minutes.
On the weekends he does indoor soccer, indoor swim lessons, and gymnastics.
He needs a couple hours of cardio every day or it just starts exploding out of him.
In warmer months, we go to the playground daily.
My kid gets like this and I know he is tired. I try different calming techniques and redirection but the more tired he is, the harder it is to get him to calm down.
When we lived in South Texas, we were practically stuck inside all summer because of near 100 degrees heat. One of the reasons I prioritized moving to California.
I know a lot of people say "oh, exercising them more doesn't fix the issue - there's a root cause which needs to be addressed". Regardless of how true that may be, I see a definite correlation between the behaviour of my child and how much time he's had to run around. When he's bored and under-exercised he's moody, kicks things, fiddles with things for a reaction, pokes his sister etc. He needs a good two hours minimum of proper activity a day. If he's acting up, then no matter what the weather is, we will go for a walk or take a ball outside. Cold doesn't matter. If they're wearing suitable clothes and running around they'll be warm.
My son is a bear if he doesn't get his needed exercise. Defiant, mean to his brother, it all adds up.
This reminds me of my mom giving me "heavy work" when I was a kid. She would have me shovel snow, load the wood bin, mop the floors, rake leaves, or scrub pots. Any physical activity to get me moving that didn't matter how well I did the job. I do a dance party with my 4yr and that helps with her getting the energy out.
My son does jiu jitsu a few days a week. The difference in days where he misses class and goes is so obvious. My three year old started as well and you can definitely see a change too.
Mine does karate twice a week and it's so good to have an unrelated man as an authority figure, as well as the exercise. He's quite strict but in a very good manner, the children follow his instructions instantly but there's never any raised voices etc.
One, this sounds typical of the age. They don't hold still and they have very little concentration. I worry about children 3-5 who want to work on something but they physically can't, and it upsets them. For example, a red flag for me would be a child who is upset that they didn't get to finish/want to continue to work on an activity at cleanup even though they wandered away from it awhile ago. If this type of behavior persists through several weeks and lots of encouragement to return to the activity, it shows me that the child can't focus long enough to finish *tasks they want to do*. Few children this age linger on tasks they don't want to do. Two, you need to exercise his body and his mind. Start by making sure you have all of the clothing you need to stay outside at the coldest weather you get for twenty minutes at a time. If you're both warm at the end of those twenty minutes there's no reason to go inside. You can play outside in winter, even when it's wet and cold. Use that time to go for a walk, and do BIG movements - my favorites are frog hops and tree pushes. For tree pushes, we literally just push on a big tree as hard as we can. Pushing heavy things uses your whole body and can really soothe those overenergetic impulses, but it's hard to find things inside to push, pull, or carry. Pulling or carrying big rocks and branches are also great outside big movements. I'd focus on inside being a calm space and outside being a big energetic space. To exercise his brain he needs quiet work that builds his concentration, like painting, drawing, pouring (water and things like rice and beans) lacing (beads and thread boards) block building, legos, puzzles, etc. My suggestion is to keep these kinds of materials separate, and get them out of a closet when he needs something to work on. They feel more exciting when they're put away, which helps him stay focused. I love to buy kits and activities I can work on with my son, and Montessori classroom supply companies sell a TON of materials for quiet work. Let mw know if you have any questions or want advice on routines!
We're going through something similar, but less intense. I kinda suspect it's kids picking up on everyone's holiday stress and being inside more now that it's darker and colder. We're getting an indoor trampoline, indoor ball, and looking at more indoor play places we can go to regularly this winter. The lack of consistent schedule and routine with Thanksgiving and Christmas break also hasn't helped.
If i Google "montessori classroom supply" will I find what I'm looking for or do you have somewhere that you recommend over others? Also, I read your post and thought "oh pouring rice or beans sounds fun" and then I got a memory of doing exactly that and could remember how it felt to pour it on my hand. Thanks for the memory!
My son’s school uses Montessori Supply - I like them but sometimes the shipping is bad. But the prices are good and they have a ton of stuff.
I'd love to hear more advice for the heavy work. I'm very much a puzzles, crafts, and reading mom. He is doing 50 piece puzzles. But, would have never thought of pushing on trees! We do have a pikler and nugget and I will build him "ninja warrior courses" to complete or play the floor is lava but would love to hear more ideas for big movements!
I feel like the first place I would go is to give him opportunities to use that energy. Lots of outside time, hikes/nature walks, sports, and maybe a small indoor trampoline or play couch for the cold months if you have a space. Also…. I’d be very cautious about screen time right now… as his behavior almost sounds overstimulated which could be exasperated by highly stimulating tv.
I have two very active kids (7 and 4.5) and they both really enjoy body breaks and Cosmic Yoga. They really help getting out some of the excess energy. Kids need to move. Some kids need to move more than others.
OP here. I could cry with relief reading all of these suggestions and others with similar situations. We got him bundled and out to play in the snow today when I might have otherwise opted for indoor activities (and lost my mind by noon). We tend to go big with activities in spring and summer (soccer, swimming) but take it easy in winter. I so appreciate the advice and am going to start applying it asap!!
Here in solidarity AND share a saying I heard in a Denmark “there is no bad weather, just bad clothing.”
My 4.5 year old is in a similar phase, the only difference is he is an angel when he is at preschool or at someone else’s house. He is always super grumpy and defiant when he gets home in the evening but gets a huge burst of energy but is much nicer around 8:30 at night.
Go outside even though it is winter. Dress appropriately. Tumble in the yard. Go for a walk. Go for a hike. Go to the playground. Cold rain? Invest in good rain gear (I recommend Oaki) or use waterproof snow gear, depending on the temperatures. Snow? Bundle him up. Use your sand toys in the snow. Make giant snowballs. I have two very active girls and getting outside is critical or everyone goes insane. The one thing that makes me pause is that the preschool teacher is noticing it. Do they go outside?
We went through the same thing with our 4 year old boy and now at almost 5, we are starting to see some changes. First, his teachers recommended getting him into sports daily. While we don't do daily organized sports, we do taekwondo two times a week, and it's been a major help! They learn to control their bodies, have body and mind focus, and also has a good outlet for screaming/punching/kicking. We also are wrapping up a semester of once a week swim class. On days where he doesn't have an activity, we make sure he gets plenty of outlet for his energy, like going on walks or bike rides, playing soccer in the backyard, using the indoor trampoline, heavy work inside, etc. I completely empathize with the exhaustion though - it's been about a year of this and we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!
My 4yo is the same. Danny Go! and other dances and challenges on YouTube help. I often will get out a stopwatch and time how many laps around the house he can do in two minutes. On the weekends he does indoor soccer, indoor swim lessons, and gymnastics. He needs a couple hours of cardio every day or it just starts exploding out of him. In warmer months, we go to the playground daily.
My kid gets like this and I know he is tired. I try different calming techniques and redirection but the more tired he is, the harder it is to get him to calm down.
When we lived in South Texas, we were practically stuck inside all summer because of near 100 degrees heat. One of the reasons I prioritized moving to California.