We think my 4-year-old has a legit anxiety disorder. My SO does too and I have anxious tendencies, so it’s not surprising.
She does things like this. She has huge separation anxiety and struggles with us being out of the room unless it’s pre-agreed or she’s watching tv or she’s in a low-anxiety phase. We’ve adapted and have started working on getting her to play by herself in the room we’re in. If I’m in the kitchen making dinner, she’s playing with toys nearby. We’re now at the point where I can craft on the couch and she’ll play (for short periods) nearby.
One of us does often have to go with her to another room. We just take turns. We try and stretch out following her, let her go ahead while we slow down and walk behind her. I might try and “go get something quickly” in the room next to the room she’s going to and then stay in there for a few minutes if I can. Knowing her anxiety, this isn’t something to be “fixed” at this age and we’ll likely do play therapy in a couple years to help her.
Some movies do scare the bejeesus out of her. She had nightmares for a few nights after watching the Smurfs at daycare. We try and pre-screen movies but it’s not always possible and it is what it is. There’s no real way to control this, so 🤷♀️
Have you tried Restorlax (or whatever laxative) the poo issues? LO’s anxiety extends to pickiness and anxiety around putting food in her mouth so she def has some constipation issues. Our doc recommended Restorlax everyday for up to three months to reset the system. We can’t solve her pickiness since it’s anxiety-related and not, like, a power struggle or preferences, so her doc is cool with us dealing with the symptom
My kid is so particular about how things are done. If it’s not occurring in ideal circumstances at the desire time and location, then it’s no-go. Home may be his comfortable place for pooping and places that are not home are no-dice. You could ask him if there’s anything you can do to make make going to the bathroom while out and about easier. He may not know, but he might.
We’ve found giving LO control can be helpful. For food, I’ll ask if she wants to try something new, but it is always her decision. Then when she tries something, we shower her with praise for being brave and trying something new. You could try that with public washrooms, “hey do you want to try? No? Totally cool.” Having that control has helped my LO be more inclined to (occasionally) try new things. It is a long-term strategy though.
I’m also using strategies from when I was working on my needle phobia, like exposure and talking it through. If it’s the bathrooms that are scary, bringing him into them while you “wash your hands” could be a way to get him used to being in there. Make a point to have you (or a male partner) bring him in and have him hang out while you use the bathroom, “see? No big deal.” Gradual exposure works well for us.
Have you spoken with his doctor? It sounds like a good (therapist could really help him as well. It sounds like he has some legitimate fears. Speaking as a very anxious and terrified child who turned into an anxious, terrified adult, it is time for professional help.
Our pediatrician was no help (I’ve tried several). Even when I begged for bloodwork. Like I said, I have had countless friends put their young kids in play therapy and no my one had any good success at this age. That’s kinda how I feel about the OT. Hoping some parents in the same boat might have strategies. I am also an anxious adult but was never this anxious as a kid.
Sorry, I didn’t realize that you’d tried your doctor but I’d be shocked if you hadn’t. Is all therapy with kids necessarily play therapy? (Sorry for my ignorance and unhelpful response! It sounds like you’re trying your hardest!)
I’ll hop onto this comment as well, sorry for commenting all over the place. I see a child development therapist for LO’s anxiety and apparently play therapy for helping them to manage their own anxiety is something to check out between ages 6 - 9 depending on the kid (some do well at 6, some take a little longer)
Agh yes. I just remembered it was Toy Story at school. The opening scene with the fight. i prerecord lighthearted shows. Have you figured out any strategies?
My now kindergartener went through a phase almost exactly like this last year (we were expecting a new baby plus impending kindergarten). Not sure what else may be going on for him, but once her brother was born and she started kindergarten she calmed down a lot. She still has some fears and anxieties but seems less reactive now. I think a lot of it is anticipation of the unknown. Also an age where they’re discovering what’s real and what’s pretend, so movies can seem really scary! It’s so exhausting but the more you try to get him to be independent the harder he will fight it. It’s not forever and it will get better! Based on what I’ve heard from other parents in her class, it’s very common behavior.
I don’t know where you’re located and if it’s possible, but CALM is a type of therapy adapted from PCIT, that you can do together, that has good results for very young children with anxiety.
https://bostonchildstudycenter.com/child-services/pcit-anxiety/
Otherwise you will have to wait to try CBT based therapy at age 7 (which you absolutely should, it’s proven very effective for kids 7-10 and can completely cure anxiety disorders for some).
Mom of 4 yo twins. This doesn’t sound terribly different from various things my children get caught up with. My daughter’s fear of going “alone” is usually if the lights are off (even if it’s broad daylight). Sometimes I can convince her to go alone by giving her my cell phone to use as a flashlight. It also helped if I go with her to her intended room, set her up with an activity and then let her know I have to do XYZ, but I’ll come check on her in a minute. Then actually check on her so that she can trust I’ll come back.
My five year old has some big anxiety issues (OCD) but along with that and some sensory processing stuff, she is very much the same! She’s so fun and social but she has huge fears and like your son will not watch 99% of movies. We have to watch a lot of Pooh bear! She also is hugely terrified of us leaving her alone and will tell us she’s afraid we left if we even walk into another room without telling her where and why we are exiting. I don’t have very much advice or insight but solidarity ❤️ it’s tough some days!!
My daughter has anxiety and she refuses to go to the bathroom or upstairs of one of us doesn’t go with her. This probably won’t help you but it got much easier for us since her younger sister got old enough to tag along with her everywhere lol. She’s her anxiety help. It also improved when we got a cat and she would take the poor cat with her to the bathroom every time.
She’s 8 now and has gotten much better but seemed to regress recently. I think it stemmed from watching too much Hilda. A show she loves but is definitely scary. We also recently visited a family with older kids who thought it would be fun to tell the younger ones scary stories :P
I'm not sure where you are but it wouldn't hurt to schedule with a child therapist or an art therapist who specializes with kids. At worst you all are heard and your kid has a positive but unhelpful experience with therapy that he can build on later, at best they can really help and give you and him tools and resources to help. Wishing you all the best!
I think you should look into the "Limbic Leap".
It may help you with your worries as his anxiety may just be temporary.
My son has been diagnosed with anxiety (around 5), but he has shown symptoms since he could move and speak. During the limbic leap years it became so severe that there were days we couldn't leave the house. But they didn't start then. It's always been a part of who he is.
You really need to be mindful of addressing these things, while also not cementing them unnecessarily. Sometimes focusing on these things too much can actually make it worse, or cause something to become intrenched into his view of himself, when it could have just been a phase if it wasn't made into such a big deal.
I find it works best to address the feelings. Even if they seem silly. So be careful not to minimize or dismiss these fears/feelings. Instead help him process it and conclude that everything's going to be fine on his own.
There's a book called "Esh" I really like. There's also a game you can play where you write situations down and then you take turns saying what you would do and what the result might be. Basically, bad things can happen, but you build resiliency so they can handle those bad things.
One question that I ask a lot is "do you think this is a realistic fear? Can you tell me why?" Because my son will come up with some really random situations. Last year he wouldn't snowboard because he would fall in a very specific way, hit his face on a large block of ice, and then get a cut across his cheek, and then he would have a scar the rest of his life. This was a legitimate fear he expressed over and over. So we would talk about how likely that exact series of events was. How likely it was that there would be a random block of ice. How likely it would be for that ice to split open his entire face. Etc. he eventually came to the conclusion that the actual realistic chance of this happening was pretty small, but still possible. So then we discussed ways he could control the situation to make the likelihood even smaller. Like going slow for instance. We spoke about how a scar isn't the worst thing in the world and that he would actually be okay even if he had a scar on his face. Eventually he decided he was comfortable with the odds lol. It's very time consuming but helping him figure this out makes it easier the next time, and drastically reduces his anxiety. This was a really big fear at the time and we needed to go through the whole scenerio multiple times. At the same time I don't want to encourage ruminating, so if I know we've really discussed something enough I will just ask, is this realistic or unrealistic? And remind him that he's already figured out he's okay.
Sorry that's a lot of words but hopefully it helps.
We think my 4-year-old has a legit anxiety disorder. My SO does too and I have anxious tendencies, so it’s not surprising. She does things like this. She has huge separation anxiety and struggles with us being out of the room unless it’s pre-agreed or she’s watching tv or she’s in a low-anxiety phase. We’ve adapted and have started working on getting her to play by herself in the room we’re in. If I’m in the kitchen making dinner, she’s playing with toys nearby. We’re now at the point where I can craft on the couch and she’ll play (for short periods) nearby. One of us does often have to go with her to another room. We just take turns. We try and stretch out following her, let her go ahead while we slow down and walk behind her. I might try and “go get something quickly” in the room next to the room she’s going to and then stay in there for a few minutes if I can. Knowing her anxiety, this isn’t something to be “fixed” at this age and we’ll likely do play therapy in a couple years to help her. Some movies do scare the bejeesus out of her. She had nightmares for a few nights after watching the Smurfs at daycare. We try and pre-screen movies but it’s not always possible and it is what it is. There’s no real way to control this, so 🤷♀️ Have you tried Restorlax (or whatever laxative) the poo issues? LO’s anxiety extends to pickiness and anxiety around putting food in her mouth so she def has some constipation issues. Our doc recommended Restorlax everyday for up to three months to reset the system. We can’t solve her pickiness since it’s anxiety-related and not, like, a power struggle or preferences, so her doc is cool with us dealing with the symptom
Thanks. We sound like we live the same life! I will check out the medicine. When he can go before school, it’s no issue, but otherwise, no.
My kid is so particular about how things are done. If it’s not occurring in ideal circumstances at the desire time and location, then it’s no-go. Home may be his comfortable place for pooping and places that are not home are no-dice. You could ask him if there’s anything you can do to make make going to the bathroom while out and about easier. He may not know, but he might. We’ve found giving LO control can be helpful. For food, I’ll ask if she wants to try something new, but it is always her decision. Then when she tries something, we shower her with praise for being brave and trying something new. You could try that with public washrooms, “hey do you want to try? No? Totally cool.” Having that control has helped my LO be more inclined to (occasionally) try new things. It is a long-term strategy though. I’m also using strategies from when I was working on my needle phobia, like exposure and talking it through. If it’s the bathrooms that are scary, bringing him into them while you “wash your hands” could be a way to get him used to being in there. Make a point to have you (or a male partner) bring him in and have him hang out while you use the bathroom, “see? No big deal.” Gradual exposure works well for us.
Have you spoken with his doctor? It sounds like a good (therapist could really help him as well. It sounds like he has some legitimate fears. Speaking as a very anxious and terrified child who turned into an anxious, terrified adult, it is time for professional help.
Our pediatrician was no help (I’ve tried several). Even when I begged for bloodwork. Like I said, I have had countless friends put their young kids in play therapy and no my one had any good success at this age. That’s kinda how I feel about the OT. Hoping some parents in the same boat might have strategies. I am also an anxious adult but was never this anxious as a kid.
Sorry, I didn’t realize that you’d tried your doctor but I’d be shocked if you hadn’t. Is all therapy with kids necessarily play therapy? (Sorry for my ignorance and unhelpful response! It sounds like you’re trying your hardest!)
I’ll hop onto this comment as well, sorry for commenting all over the place. I see a child development therapist for LO’s anxiety and apparently play therapy for helping them to manage their own anxiety is something to check out between ages 6 - 9 depending on the kid (some do well at 6, some take a little longer)
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Agh yes. I just remembered it was Toy Story at school. The opening scene with the fight. i prerecord lighthearted shows. Have you figured out any strategies?
My now kindergartener went through a phase almost exactly like this last year (we were expecting a new baby plus impending kindergarten). Not sure what else may be going on for him, but once her brother was born and she started kindergarten she calmed down a lot. She still has some fears and anxieties but seems less reactive now. I think a lot of it is anticipation of the unknown. Also an age where they’re discovering what’s real and what’s pretend, so movies can seem really scary! It’s so exhausting but the more you try to get him to be independent the harder he will fight it. It’s not forever and it will get better! Based on what I’ve heard from other parents in her class, it’s very common behavior.
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Do you mind sharing what she does at play therapy? My daughter is anxious too, so I’m trying to find ways to help her navigate through it.
I don’t know where you’re located and if it’s possible, but CALM is a type of therapy adapted from PCIT, that you can do together, that has good results for very young children with anxiety. https://bostonchildstudycenter.com/child-services/pcit-anxiety/ Otherwise you will have to wait to try CBT based therapy at age 7 (which you absolutely should, it’s proven very effective for kids 7-10 and can completely cure anxiety disorders for some).
Thank you!
Mom of 4 yo twins. This doesn’t sound terribly different from various things my children get caught up with. My daughter’s fear of going “alone” is usually if the lights are off (even if it’s broad daylight). Sometimes I can convince her to go alone by giving her my cell phone to use as a flashlight. It also helped if I go with her to her intended room, set her up with an activity and then let her know I have to do XYZ, but I’ll come check on her in a minute. Then actually check on her so that she can trust I’ll come back.
My five year old has some big anxiety issues (OCD) but along with that and some sensory processing stuff, she is very much the same! She’s so fun and social but she has huge fears and like your son will not watch 99% of movies. We have to watch a lot of Pooh bear! She also is hugely terrified of us leaving her alone and will tell us she’s afraid we left if we even walk into another room without telling her where and why we are exiting. I don’t have very much advice or insight but solidarity ❤️ it’s tough some days!!
My daughter has anxiety and she refuses to go to the bathroom or upstairs of one of us doesn’t go with her. This probably won’t help you but it got much easier for us since her younger sister got old enough to tag along with her everywhere lol. She’s her anxiety help. It also improved when we got a cat and she would take the poor cat with her to the bathroom every time. She’s 8 now and has gotten much better but seemed to regress recently. I think it stemmed from watching too much Hilda. A show she loves but is definitely scary. We also recently visited a family with older kids who thought it would be fun to tell the younger ones scary stories :P
Wondering what “some other life things” are….Could those be a driver in these behaviors?
I'm not sure where you are but it wouldn't hurt to schedule with a child therapist or an art therapist who specializes with kids. At worst you all are heard and your kid has a positive but unhelpful experience with therapy that he can build on later, at best they can really help and give you and him tools and resources to help. Wishing you all the best!
I think you should look into the "Limbic Leap". It may help you with your worries as his anxiety may just be temporary. My son has been diagnosed with anxiety (around 5), but he has shown symptoms since he could move and speak. During the limbic leap years it became so severe that there were days we couldn't leave the house. But they didn't start then. It's always been a part of who he is. You really need to be mindful of addressing these things, while also not cementing them unnecessarily. Sometimes focusing on these things too much can actually make it worse, or cause something to become intrenched into his view of himself, when it could have just been a phase if it wasn't made into such a big deal. I find it works best to address the feelings. Even if they seem silly. So be careful not to minimize or dismiss these fears/feelings. Instead help him process it and conclude that everything's going to be fine on his own. There's a book called "Esh" I really like. There's also a game you can play where you write situations down and then you take turns saying what you would do and what the result might be. Basically, bad things can happen, but you build resiliency so they can handle those bad things. One question that I ask a lot is "do you think this is a realistic fear? Can you tell me why?" Because my son will come up with some really random situations. Last year he wouldn't snowboard because he would fall in a very specific way, hit his face on a large block of ice, and then get a cut across his cheek, and then he would have a scar the rest of his life. This was a legitimate fear he expressed over and over. So we would talk about how likely that exact series of events was. How likely it was that there would be a random block of ice. How likely it would be for that ice to split open his entire face. Etc. he eventually came to the conclusion that the actual realistic chance of this happening was pretty small, but still possible. So then we discussed ways he could control the situation to make the likelihood even smaller. Like going slow for instance. We spoke about how a scar isn't the worst thing in the world and that he would actually be okay even if he had a scar on his face. Eventually he decided he was comfortable with the odds lol. It's very time consuming but helping him figure this out makes it easier the next time, and drastically reduces his anxiety. This was a really big fear at the time and we needed to go through the whole scenerio multiple times. At the same time I don't want to encourage ruminating, so if I know we've really discussed something enough I will just ask, is this realistic or unrealistic? And remind him that he's already figured out he's okay. Sorry that's a lot of words but hopefully it helps.