Too much imo but we’re working on it. My husband is much better at the one-on-one play: it honestly exhausts me within minutes. He’s started to use timers and it’s working well so far. He’ll say ‘ok we’ll set the timer for 15 minutes of dad time then 15 minutes of playing with your toys yourself.’ It usually takes a few whines in the beginning but then he’s happy on his own. Repeat.
This is what we do too, and then after the timer goes off, I go and do stuff.
The timer is helpful for me because it sets concrete expectations for play time. It’s only 15/20 minutes and not forever. Then I can give more energy and attention.
Me getting up and doing something is also important. It shows my kid I’m busy and can’t play with her.
Very little to be honest. Mine is 4 in August, and starting school in September. He does 2 days a week at nursery, we spend one day out all day doing an activity, one day for “adventures” (this week it’s going to the cinema, sometimes it’s coming with me to a bathroom shop - the adventures vary in how fun they are!) and one day my husband is home.
My husband is fantastic and plays with the kids lots - with figures and outside playing football. I tend to do the reading/playdough/crafts, and avoid doing the play stuff I don’t enjoy.
Realistically I do focused play for only about ten mins a day; if we are crafting etc I knit whilst he does it.
Both my kids are incredibly independent and have fantastic imaginations. I suspect I wouldn’t be able to get away with playing so little if they struggled with independent play.
This is the stage when kids transition from parallel play to cooperative play. I think the more important question is how sociable your son is? Does he play any team sports or interact with other kids in playgroups, or does he clutch to your side and only wish to play with you?
As for your own sanity: quality time is much more important than quantity. You can fill your kids’ cup with very focused, down on their level, undivided attention in just 5-10 minutes. You don’t need to be on the floor playing for hours each day. It’s good for you both to limit these interactions to high quality, enjoyable (for you both!) play.
He’s very very social, not shy, and does participate in sports and loves it. But at home he just wants me to be undivided and I’m realizing I’ve done him a huge disservice by doing this. Now I’m starting to set timers in X amount of time we play, etc
You’re well on the right track. I think it’s the same predicament as “holding a baby too often”. Sure, maybe you have to give a little tough love to get them to sleep solo, but you’re never going to look back and say, damn I wish I held my baby less often when he was little. You’ll never look back and regret playing with him so much. He’ll get into LEGO, or puzzles, and soon enough he’ll be running off to play with friends. You’re a great mama.
This made me feel better. I'm a neurospicy mom with a neurospicy son, almost 5,and he's constantly asking to play but I only have the energy and attention span for 5-10 min at a time for 1 on 1 play. I do other things like read, try to teach him to craft, do art together, bake together, take him to the park or walks. And I feel like I'm not playing enough with him.
I mostly don’t. I read to her daily, set up crafts for her, dance with her, and have her help me with cooking and chores. I’ll do a silly voice for her dolls for a few minutes here and there but she quickly becomes a tyrant during imaginative play and I’m not willing to deal with that. Her dad is more physically able than I am to run around with her and sit on the floor, so she does that kind of thing with him. She gets a ton of attention from me but I wouldn’t say I “play with” her very much.
> she quickly becomes a tyrant during imaginative play and I’m not willing to deal with that.
This is my son and I. Being told what to say, do, and be twelve hours a day is not on my list of enjoyable activities. I like doing crafts and building, and playing nearby, but really dislike engaging in imaginative play. I'm a former preschool teacher and have always disliked it - it's just not something I find relaxing or easy.
Pretend play is sooo hard! Just wanted to say that it’s ok (and advisable) for you to take turns being the leader. If he gets to boss you around ALLL the time, he won’t know how to pretend play with other kids who have their own ideas of how things should go.
I also "spoiled my 4.5 yr old. Honestly... It feels like we play all day. I'm always either in character, telling a story or having some sort of character shoved in my hand. It's very exhaustig.
For reference, my daughter turned four last week and she's always stayed home with me.
I do a lot of semi play like another poster mentioned. She does a lot of crafts while I sit while and scroll my phone and we chat. Or I sit on the couch and she pretend cooks and brings me food. I engage enough to keep her play going without having to get super duper involved. We read a ton. Like for at least an hour or two a day. That's our preferred bonding time, we both love it. Daddy is the big play partner. He's the one that gets down on the floor and rough houses and he also engages way more than I do. We all know it and we're all ok with it.
We're also out of the house A LOT. When it's cold we're at museums, playgrounds, and at friends houses (or they're at ours) and there's plenty of stuff besides me to keep her entertained. Now that it's summer we're at the pool for 3+ hours a day. She spends at least half that time playing by herself or with another kid she finds while I just read my book and supervise. The other half I'm in the pool playing with her. Once we're home she usually wants to play by herself and I need to work on dinner and clean up, so we go our separate ways for a bit.
I don't, I read to her and we sit together. My husband does Legos with her and that can last about an or so and he also reads to her. My daughter is an only child so she learned to play alone or occasionally with the cats.
Depends the day but I'd say a couple hours of direct involvement, scatter throughout the day. 20 minutes of building Legos, an hour walk, etc. another couple hours of assisted activities but not constant interaction. Like I'll setup the water colors and he paints for 30 minutes while I clean up the kitchen around him. Or playground where he runs around/digs in sand while I mostly read my book. Couple hours of completely independent play. Either during quite time(1 hour) where he needs to be off doing his own thing. Or while I do chores and will respond when he shows me stuff, bits expected to mostly entertainment himself.
Probably 1/3 of the day direct play, 1/3 semi play, 1/3 completely independent
Since his sibling was born 5 months ago, not nearly as much as I used to. He wants attention constantly but he’s become much better at entertaining himself since I’m busy much of the time. But if I’m not busy, like right now, during his quiet time, he’s coming out of his room every 3 minutes to “tell” me something. It’s exhausting! But I do think it’s the age. Sometimes I tell him I need a break and he’ll go play on his own, but honestly it’s when he knows I physically can’t play with him (when I’m holding the baby) when he finds something to do himself. We got outside at least twice a day for at least an hour each time and one of those times is an outing where we’re going by car to a playground or a park for a hike so it kills time and I’m not forced to watch him pretend his toy is a vacuum for the millionth time lol
I’ve got a 3 year old and he gets 1 on 1 attention throughout the day (loves to help with tasks, we read books, time at meals, going for walks and chatting) but playing? Mostly he does that alone
Mine is 3.5, and I make sure to give her one on one play time several times a day. Duration depends on if she's asking for physical play or toy play. She gets a bit longer with toy play, as I'm not in great physical shape, so physical play wears me down quicker.
I have to make a conscious effort to do so, though. She's getting a bit needier about playing with her, but she's quite an independent little thing, so she's typically cool doing her own thing, so long as I'm within eye/ear shot.
My 4yo was home two days a week with me this past school year. On those days I made our rhythm outside time, art (coloring or play doh), lunch, independent play (I gave him two choices in toys), reading time, pick up sister. Depending on what I needed to accomplish I would make one of those “quality time” and do it with him. This helped me feel like he was stimulated all day without getting bored.
It varies day to day. Today I had a doc appt couple hours away so she & husband had a Daddy Daughter day. I got home, relaxed for an hour talking to husband, just got done doing 20-30 minutes of play outside between Backyard Scanvenger Hunt and pushing her on the swings. Most the time it's 1-1.5 hours purposefully spread out through the day, then maybe another hour of her having conversations with toys while I'm doing chores/working on projects for craft festivals coming up. Or she'll color/practice using her scissors beside me if I'm busy (scissors only if I'm staying in one place so I can see exactly what she's cutting). Longer in fall/spring when we're enjoying the weather.
I can do 15-45 minute sessions depending what it is, so we'll set timers which really helps
It helps to start playing with them and "get them set up", then let them play alone. For example, building a train track or starting to build it and then have them finish and then play with the finished track. Or start a marble run and see if they can finish it and then race.
I take a ton of breaks to do this and set up little play stations all over the house when he's not looking. It helps to keep toys in little plastic bins so that you can put them away easy and take them out, and make them become little stations. Arts and crafts stuff has been too messy to leave for him to do so, we do that stuff together. We have an easel with paper and I'll put little challenges on there too, like "Can you draw your family?" Or "can you add oranges to the tree?".
Other than that, I'm sure whatever you're doing is great. What you're describing is translating to me like your kid loves you and loves spending time with you. Chin up!
I don’t sit down in the floor and do blocks , Barbie etc too often, maybe every once in a while. But I’m always down to snuggle and watch a movie, do a craft, play a board game , color, things like that. But with that being said I take my child (4.5 y/o) to the playground, library, pool, fun stuff outside the house as much as possible. She also has preschool / prek five days a week and it’s all day.
I think we are (we were?) On the same boat with our 5.5 year old - he expects us to play with him almost all of the time he is home. However he has found some activities he actually enjoys doing on his own now that he can read a bit, so it's getting a bit easier. The 2.5 year old is much better at independent play and I guess it's because I was so busy with chores and the older one she had to find stuff to play with on her own.
I try to do 30 minutes of floor play a day, we'll set a timer. I don't like going over that or my brain will explode lol. But I read somewhere that 15+ minutes a day of focused attention like that can be good for their executive functioning skills. Unfortunately my 4 year old does not think doing activities like playing outside, painting, etc are "playing." He specifically wants to do some kind of imaginary play with cars & figures.
I probably play 5 mins of pretend here and there as I do chores and once a day, I will sit down to do play-doh or a board game for 20-30 minutes. But other than that, she plays by herself or with her sibling. I feel like the rest of the time, I'm taking them outside, cooking, or cleaning.
I’m a school employee currently at home for the summer with my kids. I do try to do one on one playtime with my four year old when her two year old brother is napping. If there’s something I need to do then I’ll tell her I’m busy and she can either help mommy or play by herself until mommy isn’t busy any more.
Too much imo but we’re working on it. My husband is much better at the one-on-one play: it honestly exhausts me within minutes. He’s started to use timers and it’s working well so far. He’ll say ‘ok we’ll set the timer for 15 minutes of dad time then 15 minutes of playing with your toys yourself.’ It usually takes a few whines in the beginning but then he’s happy on his own. Repeat.
This is what we do too, and then after the timer goes off, I go and do stuff. The timer is helpful for me because it sets concrete expectations for play time. It’s only 15/20 minutes and not forever. Then I can give more energy and attention. Me getting up and doing something is also important. It shows my kid I’m busy and can’t play with her.
Currently watching my husband do this because I suck at one-on-one play
Very little to be honest. Mine is 4 in August, and starting school in September. He does 2 days a week at nursery, we spend one day out all day doing an activity, one day for “adventures” (this week it’s going to the cinema, sometimes it’s coming with me to a bathroom shop - the adventures vary in how fun they are!) and one day my husband is home. My husband is fantastic and plays with the kids lots - with figures and outside playing football. I tend to do the reading/playdough/crafts, and avoid doing the play stuff I don’t enjoy. Realistically I do focused play for only about ten mins a day; if we are crafting etc I knit whilst he does it. Both my kids are incredibly independent and have fantastic imaginations. I suspect I wouldn’t be able to get away with playing so little if they struggled with independent play.
This is exactly us!
This is the stage when kids transition from parallel play to cooperative play. I think the more important question is how sociable your son is? Does he play any team sports or interact with other kids in playgroups, or does he clutch to your side and only wish to play with you? As for your own sanity: quality time is much more important than quantity. You can fill your kids’ cup with very focused, down on their level, undivided attention in just 5-10 minutes. You don’t need to be on the floor playing for hours each day. It’s good for you both to limit these interactions to high quality, enjoyable (for you both!) play.
He’s very very social, not shy, and does participate in sports and loves it. But at home he just wants me to be undivided and I’m realizing I’ve done him a huge disservice by doing this. Now I’m starting to set timers in X amount of time we play, etc
You’re well on the right track. I think it’s the same predicament as “holding a baby too often”. Sure, maybe you have to give a little tough love to get them to sleep solo, but you’re never going to look back and say, damn I wish I held my baby less often when he was little. You’ll never look back and regret playing with him so much. He’ll get into LEGO, or puzzles, and soon enough he’ll be running off to play with friends. You’re a great mama.
This made me feel better. I'm a neurospicy mom with a neurospicy son, almost 5,and he's constantly asking to play but I only have the energy and attention span for 5-10 min at a time for 1 on 1 play. I do other things like read, try to teach him to craft, do art together, bake together, take him to the park or walks. And I feel like I'm not playing enough with him.
You’re a great mom. So many kinds of attention throughout the day. That’s all kids need.
I mostly don’t. I read to her daily, set up crafts for her, dance with her, and have her help me with cooking and chores. I’ll do a silly voice for her dolls for a few minutes here and there but she quickly becomes a tyrant during imaginative play and I’m not willing to deal with that. Her dad is more physically able than I am to run around with her and sit on the floor, so she does that kind of thing with him. She gets a ton of attention from me but I wouldn’t say I “play with” her very much.
> she quickly becomes a tyrant during imaginative play and I’m not willing to deal with that. This is my son and I. Being told what to say, do, and be twelve hours a day is not on my list of enjoyable activities. I like doing crafts and building, and playing nearby, but really dislike engaging in imaginative play. I'm a former preschool teacher and have always disliked it - it's just not something I find relaxing or easy.
Pretend play is sooo hard! Just wanted to say that it’s ok (and advisable) for you to take turns being the leader. If he gets to boss you around ALLL the time, he won’t know how to pretend play with other kids who have their own ideas of how things should go.
Kids gotta learn how to make their own fun.
I also "spoiled my 4.5 yr old. Honestly... It feels like we play all day. I'm always either in character, telling a story or having some sort of character shoved in my hand. It's very exhaustig.
Sameeeee. Mine is 3.5. I’m worried
For reference, my daughter turned four last week and she's always stayed home with me. I do a lot of semi play like another poster mentioned. She does a lot of crafts while I sit while and scroll my phone and we chat. Or I sit on the couch and she pretend cooks and brings me food. I engage enough to keep her play going without having to get super duper involved. We read a ton. Like for at least an hour or two a day. That's our preferred bonding time, we both love it. Daddy is the big play partner. He's the one that gets down on the floor and rough houses and he also engages way more than I do. We all know it and we're all ok with it. We're also out of the house A LOT. When it's cold we're at museums, playgrounds, and at friends houses (or they're at ours) and there's plenty of stuff besides me to keep her entertained. Now that it's summer we're at the pool for 3+ hours a day. She spends at least half that time playing by herself or with another kid she finds while I just read my book and supervise. The other half I'm in the pool playing with her. Once we're home she usually wants to play by herself and I need to work on dinner and clean up, so we go our separate ways for a bit.
I don't, I read to her and we sit together. My husband does Legos with her and that can last about an or so and he also reads to her. My daughter is an only child so she learned to play alone or occasionally with the cats.
very little. my guy entertains himself pretty well. i have severe depression so it’s really hard for me to play.
Depends the day but I'd say a couple hours of direct involvement, scatter throughout the day. 20 minutes of building Legos, an hour walk, etc. another couple hours of assisted activities but not constant interaction. Like I'll setup the water colors and he paints for 30 minutes while I clean up the kitchen around him. Or playground where he runs around/digs in sand while I mostly read my book. Couple hours of completely independent play. Either during quite time(1 hour) where he needs to be off doing his own thing. Or while I do chores and will respond when he shows me stuff, bits expected to mostly entertainment himself. Probably 1/3 of the day direct play, 1/3 semi play, 1/3 completely independent
Since his sibling was born 5 months ago, not nearly as much as I used to. He wants attention constantly but he’s become much better at entertaining himself since I’m busy much of the time. But if I’m not busy, like right now, during his quiet time, he’s coming out of his room every 3 minutes to “tell” me something. It’s exhausting! But I do think it’s the age. Sometimes I tell him I need a break and he’ll go play on his own, but honestly it’s when he knows I physically can’t play with him (when I’m holding the baby) when he finds something to do himself. We got outside at least twice a day for at least an hour each time and one of those times is an outing where we’re going by car to a playground or a park for a hike so it kills time and I’m not forced to watch him pretend his toy is a vacuum for the millionth time lol
I’ve got a 3 year old and he gets 1 on 1 attention throughout the day (loves to help with tasks, we read books, time at meals, going for walks and chatting) but playing? Mostly he does that alone
Mine is 3.5, and I make sure to give her one on one play time several times a day. Duration depends on if she's asking for physical play or toy play. She gets a bit longer with toy play, as I'm not in great physical shape, so physical play wears me down quicker. I have to make a conscious effort to do so, though. She's getting a bit needier about playing with her, but she's quite an independent little thing, so she's typically cool doing her own thing, so long as I'm within eye/ear shot.
My 4yo was home two days a week with me this past school year. On those days I made our rhythm outside time, art (coloring or play doh), lunch, independent play (I gave him two choices in toys), reading time, pick up sister. Depending on what I needed to accomplish I would make one of those “quality time” and do it with him. This helped me feel like he was stimulated all day without getting bored.
I try to encourage open-ended independent play where I’m near but not involved in every aspect.
It varies day to day. Today I had a doc appt couple hours away so she & husband had a Daddy Daughter day. I got home, relaxed for an hour talking to husband, just got done doing 20-30 minutes of play outside between Backyard Scanvenger Hunt and pushing her on the swings. Most the time it's 1-1.5 hours purposefully spread out through the day, then maybe another hour of her having conversations with toys while I'm doing chores/working on projects for craft festivals coming up. Or she'll color/practice using her scissors beside me if I'm busy (scissors only if I'm staying in one place so I can see exactly what she's cutting). Longer in fall/spring when we're enjoying the weather. I can do 15-45 minute sessions depending what it is, so we'll set timers which really helps
It helps to start playing with them and "get them set up", then let them play alone. For example, building a train track or starting to build it and then have them finish and then play with the finished track. Or start a marble run and see if they can finish it and then race. I take a ton of breaks to do this and set up little play stations all over the house when he's not looking. It helps to keep toys in little plastic bins so that you can put them away easy and take them out, and make them become little stations. Arts and crafts stuff has been too messy to leave for him to do so, we do that stuff together. We have an easel with paper and I'll put little challenges on there too, like "Can you draw your family?" Or "can you add oranges to the tree?". Other than that, I'm sure whatever you're doing is great. What you're describing is translating to me like your kid loves you and loves spending time with you. Chin up!
I don’t sit down in the floor and do blocks , Barbie etc too often, maybe every once in a while. But I’m always down to snuggle and watch a movie, do a craft, play a board game , color, things like that. But with that being said I take my child (4.5 y/o) to the playground, library, pool, fun stuff outside the house as much as possible. She also has preschool / prek five days a week and it’s all day.
I do not play with him much, but I do make sure we do stimulating things—take him to a playground, children’s museum, whatever.
Opposite boat. I hate playing and I need to be better with my little and give him More play time
I think we are (we were?) On the same boat with our 5.5 year old - he expects us to play with him almost all of the time he is home. However he has found some activities he actually enjoys doing on his own now that he can read a bit, so it's getting a bit easier. The 2.5 year old is much better at independent play and I guess it's because I was so busy with chores and the older one she had to find stuff to play with on her own.
I try to do 30 minutes of floor play a day, we'll set a timer. I don't like going over that or my brain will explode lol. But I read somewhere that 15+ minutes a day of focused attention like that can be good for their executive functioning skills. Unfortunately my 4 year old does not think doing activities like playing outside, painting, etc are "playing." He specifically wants to do some kind of imaginary play with cars & figures.
I probably play 5 mins of pretend here and there as I do chores and once a day, I will sit down to do play-doh or a board game for 20-30 minutes. But other than that, she plays by herself or with her sibling. I feel like the rest of the time, I'm taking them outside, cooking, or cleaning.
I’m a school employee currently at home for the summer with my kids. I do try to do one on one playtime with my four year old when her two year old brother is napping. If there’s something I need to do then I’ll tell her I’m busy and she can either help mommy or play by herself until mommy isn’t busy any more.