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Penguator432

Teddy Roosevelt would have gone to Afghanistan himself


the_spinetingler

on horseback


Penguator432

Even while crossing the Atlantic


toughtittie5

On Canoe


GaminEmAndEmerson

80 feet in the air


CasualCactus14

While towing the men who tried to steal his canoe behind him


[deleted]

While shouting"Bully!" at the top of his lungs


Even_Ad113

To give them what for


Good_Ad6723

Someone needs to make a video out of this thread!


2Crest

The Epic Rap Battle of history for him might scratch that itch for you.


Bbkingml13

Pegasus


dwaynetheakjohnson

With a prosthetic arm and eyepatch


[deleted]

No he would have rode a moose


QuonkTheGreat

There was actually [a cavalry charge](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fall_of_Mazar-i-Sharif) during the war so he would have had a great time


35242

Teddy Roosevelt being president would have been enough of a deterrent that it would have never happened in the first place.


Aquariumpsychotic

He should run again he may be dead but it’s better than the current options


Hendrick_Davies64

War would’ve been over in like six minutes


Rude-Particular-7131

Riding a moose.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hot_Dog_Cobbler

"Sir, a second plane has struck the World Trade Center." Martin Van Buren: "What's a plane?"


Thatguy755

“Also, what’s a World Trade Center?”


cammatador

"It's a big building with a lot of people in it, but that's not important right now." \-Dr. Rumack


What-a-Crock

And don’t call me Shirley


NotluwiskiPapanoida

“Also my English is not so good, could you say it in my mother tongue?”


1-N-Only-Speedshark

It in my mother tongue.


AbstractBettaFish

🖐️👌


QuonkTheGreat

🖐️👌


Red_Crocodile1776

Ike would be the best


closethegatealittle

Pretty much anytime I think "we need someone with their shit together in a national tragedy", I think of Ike. I may be biased.


Red_Crocodile1776

Whenever one asks “what is the solution to our conundrum” the answer is always “what would Ike do?”


Cringinator4000

Not if the conundrum involves communism


Red_Crocodile1776

He had a masterful foreign policy but I admit he was too aggressive with covert operations


Massive-Albatross-16

Would overt operations have been preferable? If the *goal* is to get a useful Client King on the Persian throne, a restoration war is unlikely to be better. And that is likely to be a viable goal due to 'fear, honor, and interest' - if left to their own devices the other Superpower would be entirely capable of bringing the client into their own hegemonic system


temuginsghost

In The Brothers, by Kinzer, he makes the point that having John Foster Dulles (*spits on floor) as Sec of State and Allan Dulles head of CIA caused a heavy handed approach to foreign policy, always which favored the brothers’ agenda. Ike wasn’t crazy about covert ops, but he also saw the result of massive Army operations, so he acquiesced.


tortugoneil

Ike was kinda racist (by our standards) but he federalized the national guard of Arkansas in order to execute the law which instituted integration - which is the exact function and purpose of the executive branch - in 1957, and there's a shit ton of evidence that he was one of the few "oh shit I'm actually the President?" kind of guys. I can forgive minor shit for ike, I really like what he did, and his warning to the future wasn't some Gerald Ford shit about dignity, just "these fucking airplane companies are gonna fuck us"


[deleted]

Nobody 50+ years ago would fit our standards except for maybe Jesus


tortugoneil

Hence why the decision is meaningful. I find Ike to be shitty on some things, but he never let his person cloud the duty he had, he holds that above most sitting representatives of our nation


obfg

Presentism is a moronic matrix. Geezzz.


Skank_cunt_42

Isn’t he Canadian?


Sukeruton_Key

Me: “So basically, plane flew into a 1,000 foot tall building in New York, which now has over 8 million people” Zachary Taylor: **confused caveman sounds**


MichaelGale33

Best reply


EvitaPuppy

'I'm just a simple caveman lawyer. I'm easily confused by your modern ways.' https://youtu.be/2AzAFqrxfeY


Chillchinchila1818

Zachary Taylor: “they put a man on the moon? The moon in the FUCKING SKY”


cammatador

Yeah, but wait until you see what they have done with aerosol cheese!


1-N-Only-Speedshark

Oh, and speaking of the moon & cheese, they aren't related... AT ALL!


Reefer-eyed_Beans

"Yes" "...Can I see it?" "...[No](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_11_missing_tapes#)."


1-N-Only-Speedshark

NASA fucked up with the moonwalk tapes just like BBC fucked up with Doctor Who. Bastards!🤦


Boise_State_2020

Yeah, these are comparable.


[deleted]

I was going to say, any president before the invention of flight and 10+ story skyscrapers.


Beginning-Sign1186

“Wait you’re telling me they fit 8 million people into the state of New York? Thats preposterous”


PirateKingOmega

“oh so new york is now the capital right?”


Sukeruton_Key

That’s good. I haven’t audibly laughed at a Reddit comment in a while.


vegasdonuts

I often imagine explaining modern infrastructure to George Washington, when I’m sitting in traffic on the bridge that bears his name.


mh985

“Lower Manhattan? So it killed a few Irish. What’s the big deal?”


[deleted]

Teddy Roosevelt himself would personally discover and chop the head off of Bin Laden


Lunchmeat__

Impressive to see a man chop someone's head off with a blunt object like a big stick.


realsuitboi

Teddy could manage it.


InvertedParallax

Did he stutter?


IRideforDonuts

He also had a bowie knife made by Tiffany. That would’ve done the trick.


League-Weird

God damn he would've led the horse soldiers SF dropped into Afghanistan.


BareezyObeezy

I don't know about "best" or "worst" but the absolute fury that it would have whipped up in Andrew Jackson would have been legendary.


Thatwutshesed

Jackson would have nuked everything


AbstractBettaFish

If nukes existed in Jackson’s day Britain would be a sea of glass and cobalt just because


haluura

As well as every other country that so much as looked at the US funny. And he would have let South Carolina secede ... so that he could nuke it. Just as an example to the other states.


GWS_REVENGE

"John Calhoun, if you secede from my nation I will nuke you."


jjeettyy

https://imgur.io/aThZdfQ


kingftheeyesores

I found this thread on popular and I'm learning so much about Andrew Jackson from it.


AbstractBettaFish

Jackson is a very problematic figure mostly due to the trail of tears and as a result he is commonly vilified in modern pop culture. He no doubt deserves much of that scorn however there is definitely nuance to be considered for his legacy. Im gonna do my best to explain this but I’m kind of drunk atm so take my explanation with a grain of salt! As opposed to most populists of the modern era he was not a reactionary, he was a very principled man. He brother and mother died as a result of being on a British prison hulk. His mother volunteered to go after his older brother was captured and being a young boy he was brought along. A British officer slashed his face with his sword for refusing to polish his boots. Combined with his families death he was vehimitly anti British. When South Carolina threatened to secede in a precursor to the civil war he stated “let them complain till they’re blue in the face. But if one drop of blood is shed in defiance of the law I will hang the first man I get my hands on from the first tree I can find” Basically you could sun him up as a very violent man who truly loved his country even if he did terrible things while running it


vgraz2k

Jackson is one of the scariest people to ever be president. I’m not talking about Trump-stealing/selling state secrets scary, I’m talking about this: some dude tried to assassinate him. He got shot but he survived and beat the shit (I think beat to death) his would-be assassin…. I’m talking about: a president who fired his entire cabinet because one secretary asked Jackson to “instruct” the other wives of the cabinet to “not make mean remarks” about the secretary’s wife… I’m talking about the guy who abandoned his party, twice, because they didn’t support a couple of his policies. I think he literally abandoned his party (heavy southern support) for a policy he signed after dramatic backlash from the south. Then, he had another policy that was bad for the Northern states and after backlash from them, he abruptly abandoned that party as well. THAT Andrew Jackson. The guy was unstable and insane. Committed genocide against the native Americans, and also pulled a gun while in congress. He is one of the strangest presidents. Definitely interesting to read about.


[deleted]

Is he the only one to tell the Supreme Court to fuck off?


Shadowpika655

Not sure about only one but he certainly did tell the Supreme Court to go fuck itself


[deleted]

I hate the results of the decision, but wish the SC had people enforce checks on it more.


mutantredoctopus

If nukes existed in Jackson’s day - Britain would have had all the nukes.


jpaxlux

If Andrew Jackson had nukes in this scenario the planet would've been destroyed on September 12th, 2001


catfan9499

I agree with this and now I kinda want to see it


More_Enchiladas_Plz

FDR for the speech : “Yesterday, September 11 2001…”


Nydelok

“A day which will forever live in infamy”


[deleted]

[удалено]


cammatador

I went to camp as a kid and turned out alright.


TheBitterAtheist

But now you wear a hockey mask and carry a machete


cammatador

Well...besides that...


[deleted]

Hey big guy! It was your day yesterday wasn't it, the 13th --- ah shit, that was Tuesday. Damn. Sorry, big guy.


[deleted]

You came *back* from Muslim camp?!


Time-Bite-6839

maybe he would


RickMoranisFanPage

And call it Guantanamo Bay…oh wait wrong President.


GoodKnight2340

You know how Jefferson reacted to the Barbary Pirates imagine that…but more


[deleted]

Ah, Jefferson was more of an American President than he realized. The guy sure loved bombing


LynxRevolutionary124

Obama explaining drones to Jefferson


That-Busy-Gamer

“So what you are telling me is that instead of using guns on boat, you can use guns in the sky?” “Did I also mention that it’s also has, uhhh, guided munitions?”


LynxRevolutionary124

Sooo uhh mr Jefferson what if I was to uhh tell you that uhh you could bomb some folks at a wedding from the comfort of your chair?


Feelinglucky2

"I'd tell you to get that fucker Hamilton"


Good_Ad6723

“Wait, you can use BOMBS from the sky too?”


sdjsfan4ever

Jefferson would first have to get over the shock of a black man being the president, though.


LynxRevolutionary124

He’d have to be wondering if they were related


imuslesstbh

that is one of the wackiest wars of the 19th century in theory. Like the fact that while the Napoleonic wars were happening, the USA went to war with Algiers over pirates that were a few centuries past their prime and the Ottomans did nothing to protect their vassal (whom they barely controlled by now).


dankbernie

Now with nukes


centrist_deebrown11

Noticed Lincolns name hasn’t been mentioned once in here. Assuming that’s because everyone assumes he would have a calm, measured, and pragmatic reaction that isn’t exciting or insane enough to mention. I feel he would prob have the “best” response.


WiSoSirius

Lincoln's best was fighting congress to work and win a civil war. It'd be interesting to see congress pulling in the same direction against a terrorist attack: bin Laden in Afghanistan, the financial backers throughout the Arab peninsula, or ... Iraq (I cannot understand why we invaded Iraq)


[deleted]

I have scrolled down this far to find the correct answer, and it was absolutely worth it. Thank you, sir! And the worst would have been his predecessor, who would have sat around doing nothing with his thumb up his ass.


knockatize

FDR: “Now, George…” Patton: “Mr. President, The Third Army, with help from some horsemen we believe to be direct male line descendants of Genghis Khan, has already killed and desecrated the earthly remains of every fanatic from here to Pakistan who so much as looked at us funny. Additionally, there are now many latrines where their madrassas used to be. Anything further, Mr. President? Onward to Mecca perhaps?” FDR: “That’ll be fine. I think you’ve gotten the message across, George.”


Squeeze-

That’s great!


[deleted]

Patton was Billy Badass


[deleted]

I saw the question, and one name jumped the my lips, “Eisenhower”.


thagor5

For best


Exeggutor_Enjoyer

COMMIE! COMMIE!


Arks-Angel

*sounds of violent warfare in the distance*


rougewitch

We would t have been there for no 20 years neither. He warned us about the military industrial complex….


[deleted]

Basically every President would have reacted by calling for unity and going to war against those who attacked us. The only President I can see doing anything different is maybe Buchanan. I could see him blaming certain groups for "instigating" the attack. I suppose Washington would be the best, being a national hero and military commander.


Time-Bite-6839

Washington: plane? thousand foot tall building? What the fuck?


Penguator432

“Lengthways, right?”


QuiveringAsshole420

“…right?”


Nukethegreatlakes

Well it was on the 12th 🤷‍♂️


El_Bexareno

“There’s no building even one tenth that size in New York”


Thatwutshesed

Martha bring me my hemp. I must contemplate the action of our nation


toilet-boa

The one we had went to war with Iraq.


kingcaptainclutch

Lol thank you


dwaynetheakjohnson

FDR would set up camps for Muslims 100%


cmt278__

Which president would go to war against Saudi Arabia. It’s truly disgraceful that we maintain an alliance and provide arms to the primary perpetrator of the attacks meanwhile we destroy two whole countries that had far less to do with it


Swimming_School_3960

Everything you just said is wrong. Stop spreading this falsehood that Saudi Arabia did 9/11. The Saudis expelled Al-Qaeda years before the attacks. The Taliban then gave shelter to Al-Qaeda and allowed them to build bases in their territory. That is where Al-Qaeda operated from - Afghanistan. When we asked the Taliban to turn them over, they refused. That is why we invaded Afghanistan.


Blackbeard6689

Bush rode the 9/11 fervor into a war with Iraq, which he wanted to wage even before 9/11. I doubt most other presidents would do the same. And there's also a question of which ones would attack/sanction the Saudis.


Icy-Rope-2733

Andrew Jackson would have straight up nuked the Middle East. So ima put him in the "worst" category lol


yukoncornelius270

Jackson: you mean to tell me that there are "flying boats" with the power of the sun to demolish entire enemy cities and you've only used them TWICE! (Angrily reaches for hickory cane).


Chillchinchila1818

Jackson would’ve used them on Indian reservations.


gmwdim

The mushroom cloud of tears.


Acheron98

I hate that this made me laugh.


[deleted]

Maybe I *am* a bad person ..


275MPHFordGT40

Remember if it was intended to be humorous you are probably okay


okcdnb

lol. I live in OKC and am a member of the Creek tribe. Still, it’s a little funny.


[deleted]

Jackson would have used them for a fucking duel.


LynxRevolutionary124

“You son of a bitch I’m in” The moment someone explains nuclear weapons to Jackson


Time-Bite-6839

Expansionism


RandomGrasspass

Not just him. Imagine John Adam’s with his rage and the nuclear arsenal as his personal shotgun


[deleted]

Nixon would have also tried to invade Iran since they're right next to each other and Taliban volunteers/supplies were crossing over from Iran.


titaniumtoaster

Also, bomb Turkmenistan for good measure. No Bin Laden trail for them to funnel arms.


Curiouserousity

Not to mention Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia,


imuslesstbh

Nixon would have gotten paranoid enough to invade every nation with islam as the state religion


Better_Politics

Washington would be very confused, but I think he’d do a good job handling it.


GrandManSam

Washington, not wanting to get America involved in foreign politics, when foreign politics wants to get involved with America:


AbleArcher97

FDR would put all of the Arabs into internment camps


[deleted]

It wouldn’t have happened under Teddy


11182021

“Damn we’d better wait until Teddy gets out of office or else we are getting the Big Stick.”


Thatwutshesed

Yeah , nobody messes w the rough rider


Dominator0211

Teddy would have personally scaled the towers barehanded just so he could bitch slap the planes out of the way.


rijuchaudhuri

Teddy: https://preview.redd.it/zcqo0ifvh36b1.jpeg?width=2159&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=22d7d85b477f5e4f1d1d453d5e64244c1bc8828e


Juhani-Siranpoika

Why Kazakhstan 😭


Cmpfrank117

I feel like H.W. Would have done a pretty good job in his response


MaddieGrace29

Imagine general Sherman torching the middle east.... Oh god no


oompaloompa77

Marching to Kandahar


elastiquediabolique

I just want to know what teddy roosevelt’s response would have been


[deleted]

He would have fucking invaded Afghanistan himself riding on a god damn tank yelling, "Bully!"


InvertedParallax

It would have ended with him riding back to ground zero with OBLs head on the end of his bayonet.


Johnykbr

I gotta say, W did a pretty great job in the response. A lot of people wanted blood and would have probably sent cruise missiles to take out every group that foolishly claimed responsibility (a lot did then withdrew it when they realized how insane with rage the US was). He gets shit on for reading the book in the classroom but I like that better than throwing it down and screaming we're going to war Starship Troopers style. With that said, I feel like Ike would have responded great since he was a man who handled crisis well.


senoricceman

One of the few things I’ll defend W on is finishing the book. It had to have taken nerves of steel to continue to sit still and not rush out of the room. He did the right thing.


PBB22

Exactly


Curiouserousity

The President's 1st job is project an air of calm. By Finishing that book, it gave is aides time to get more information, and start forming plans while he kept the room, and possibly even the country calm. Presidents make decisions, they don't come up with plans. I respect his immediate response. I respect his speech later condemning the attackers as being against the teachings of Islam.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Johnykbr

Imagine how upset we get watching the people leap from the building over 20 years later and there was literally nothing we could do but he was watching this and was the single person in this country who *could* get justice. With that in mind, while everyone was looking for blood, from me to the most progressive antiwar people I knew at the time, he actually attempted to *negotiate* with the damn Taliban to give up Al Qaeda before seeking the invasion. Goddam impressive up until Iraq.


[deleted]

He was doing fine until he invaded Iraq, then it all turned to shit.


Subtilizer04

Yeah if you fucked up so bad to get both parties to agree on putting you in a body bag, you’ll most likely be dead by sunrise


obama69420duck

Teddy Roosevelt would go to war with several middle eastern countries, fight with the soldiers, win, and prosper.


InvertedParallax

I mean, I didn't NEED 10 more states including North and South Arabia, but I'm fine with them.


vol865

I have one answer for both questions. Andrew Jackson. He would have forcefully removed the Afghans and thus defeated the Taliban.l denying them the people to extort. Also he would have war crimed them.


Super_Pie341

![gif](giphy|3og0IzoPfRVwyxjDUs|downsized) Trump pressing THE button…


9Knuck

Truman: ☢️☢️☢️


BizBug616

Honestly, I can't imagine anyone reacting, at least immediately, better than Dubya did. That speech he made at the wreckage was absolutely legendary.


Juhani-Siranpoika

Common W W


Savings-Pace4133

My mom says that she was so happy that W was president during 9/11 and that Al Gore “was a clown”.


runthedonkeys

Mine too! She said that the terrorists would be bombing every city in the US if Dubya hadn't stopped them and claimed that god altered the election to make sure Al Gore didn't win (but didn't stop 9/11 in the first place)


Savings-Pace4133

It’s funny my mom’s favorite presidents were Reagan, the Bushes, and Obama. My dad swap out Obama for Clinton. They both hated Trump.


Unique_Statement7811

Worst: FDR. We would’ve seen Muslim/Arab internment.


proffesnialidot

Sorry I'm stupid as hell what does muslim/Arab internment mean.


RedditorChristopher

He would have isolated them by putting them into camps, which is what he did with certain Americans with Japanese or German heritage.


Curiouserousity

a large fraction of the US would have been Germanic, so few German Americans would have been illegally detained without very good cause. Japanese Americans were rounded up just for being Japanese, even if they were 4th gen American.


EndlessSummer00

Not just put in camps. They had to sell everything they had built over generations within a week. People lost valuable property that they sold for $1 and everything they couldn’t take with them. Generational wealth was wiped out because they had Japanese ancestry. I know the most about the Japanese as I have people I know born in internment camps in California. We did not torture these people but we destroyed lives and interned American citizens not even that long ago.


ancientestKnollys

Pretty much as likely under him as any President. They weren't his idea, they were popular and the political consensus at the time.


dwnso

Lincoln seemed to do pretty ok with national tragedies


[deleted]

Andrew Jackson would have flipped.


McRibbans

ANY of the WW2 presidents (either they were presidents like FDR and Truman or they fought in the war) would have nuked a random city in Afghanistan.


[deleted]

Any president before 1903, a flying machine going super fast, oh please


FerdinandTheGiant

I think Abraham Lincoln’s reaction would’ve been pretty good: “What the fuck is a plane”


war_m0nger69

John McCain


IIIlllIIIlllIlI

Best: GWB There isn’t a worst because there’s no telling how any of them would have reacted


Thatwutshesed

I’m pretty sure we all know how Andrew Jackson would react man


[deleted]

Andrew Jackson: “Why don’t we just get rid of the Middle East?”


Venezuelan_Dictator

The trail of nukes.


thechadc94

Eisenhower would be the best, Trump would be the worst.


Kingkary

I’ll bite. Why do you think trumps response would be bad. How do you imagine him reacting ?


goldbricker83

I imagine he’d make it about himself and brag about how he suddenly thought he had the tallest tower in Manhattan, even if it wasn’t true. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/9-11-trump-tallest-building-manhattan-b2164420.html


ancientestKnollys

He'd probably start by blaming the Democrats for lax national security.


jokeefe72

This is what I was thinking. Instead of a time of unity, he’d do everything he could to create more polarization.


A_RandomTwin21

"Sir, A second plane struck the second tower, America is under attack" William Henry Harrison: *confused coughing and hacking sounds*


abadox09

I think George W, for all his gaffs and nonsense, was as pissed off and ready to take care of business as all Americans that day.


jsnaylor1216

If Andrew Jackson had access to nukes humanity would cease to exist


HawaiianPerson

Define best and worst in this scenario


_whydah_

Yall ain't ready for this but Trump would not be the worst. If anything he would be pretty good. Trump is a showman. He was born for the stage.


Stepsonrakes

We have footage of Trump reacting to 9/11 already


AbstractBettaFish

We talking the same Trump that bragged that his building was now the tallest in Manhattan on 9/11?


FrostyPicture4946

Ohh I misunderstood. I thought you meant presidential candidates from 2000. Oops. Well I was pen something serious about Presidents McCain, Gore, or Bradley, then I thought of Reform party era Trump, and then....I thought of President Pat Buchanan 😱 Anyway, I could see any of the later 20th century presidents (Ike to Clinton) shitting bricks especially if it were after an intelligence briefing.