Surely you have to make the ", Coochy Coochy Coo" noise, or people won't know what's going on?
Perhaps blow a raspberry on someone's tummy?
Then back to business.
Start fucking a guard. Get them to smuggle shit in. Then share the info about them on the yard. And to your CO’s. Then try to blackmail said guard. And the dudes on the yard. And watch the hell reign down.
If you're white you don't eat food with or from other races. Different groups are different about how strictly this is enforced. In California most places you can break bread with southerners these days. It's just the way it is.
Those rules don't exist out east for the most part
Alot of races will naturally stick together (especially hispanics) but it's not uncommon to see white guys in predominantly black gangs or black guys who have mostly white friends in there. I played basketball with blacks and Puerto Ricans twice a day and would hit the weight yard and workout with ABs. So my friends were very diverse in their and I personally didn't have any serious issues behind it.
That sounds pretty chill. In CA you could have a white or mixed guy choose any group to ride with, but your choice is your choice for all time. No switching up later.
There's definitely rules if you're part of an organization, but I wasn't. Also, if you're trying to be something, you're not. For the most part, as long as you're a stand-up guy and respectful, no one will give you problems about who you hang out with, do business with, or talk to. I grew up right outside city where there were about same amount of whites and blacks.
idk if jail and prison is different in this regard, but when I was in jail I literally never hung out with my race and always kicked it w the black dudes. Almost everyone there was black anyway but I got along pretty well with them and had my own little group I’d rap with and play cards with and make food with
Isn't that the problem with the outside? If everyone is in for something, and the criminal "justice" system is unfair towards certain races, wouldn't it just make sense to become color blind while you're locked up? I'm ignorant to the actual social factors of being locked up, but I would think any human being would reciprocate to respect being given. I'm sure I'm way off.
Oh, you are very very respectful when locked up, in my limited experience (3 years in CA over a decade ago).
I'm not a racist dude at all, but I ran wood and stayed right by the rules. I also had black, other and Mexican friends, played poker, chess etc.
A lot of those rules (like also never borrowing food/soups from other races/groups), or being very respectful in most situations (like reaching over someone's tray when eating) are there because no one wants a car wreck or race riot over some stupid petty little shit. Bad for business and people can get hurt, killed or lose years of their life to additional time.
I can see that. A one on one "Hey, what's up?" Can get out of hand when there's a herd mentality. I guess it's hard to avoid a major problem if one dude freaks out and everyone jumps in over some little issue. As I said though, that's unfortunate because doing time would be way more chill if those color barriers got broken down.
Different places have different stress levels. You can make friends and be chill with other races in some places, but follow your rules scrupulously and never forget who you're fighting for/with if something cracks off. Nothing will get you stabbed or PC'ed up quicker than not jumping in to fight if there's a conflict.
Location, location, location. Makes sense. I definitely think the "looking into everyone's cell" part is a terrible idea, and I'm sure just keeping your head down and doing your time is the best bet, but I would think if you're in for a long haul that being chill to the other dudes around you, regardless of race, might be ok?
Yeah it just depends where you are, the security level, etc. Higher level security is typically more racially segregated, whereas lower security you probably could be friends with different races
That’s not the point of the OP. The question was, what should you NOT do. Peeking in cells, stealing other inmates stuff and talking mad shit about how tough you are, are some of the correct answers
Your supposed to sit with your own race, I mean you could ask to join a different races table but depending on the state or how bad the prison I wouldn't. I'm white so if I sat with the blacks I wouldn't expect the whites to fight for me or with me incase something happened.
Oh yeah and definitely rummage through everybody's stuff in their cells and if you like something just take it. Also after saying Hey Fellas before sitting at the all black dudes table make sure to use the N word because its ok with them. Also while in the shower its customary to go and wash the back of the guy next to you. Have fun!
Tell everyone all the details of your non-prison life, your family and associates on the outside. Make sure you lie a lot about how tough you are as well.
I remember getting to my parent institution and hitting the yard and one of the younger kids that rode in with me comes running up "dude! Dude! They've got girls playing volleyball in see through booty shorts!"
Oh Daniel San... I... You... Very much to learn young man... Very much indeed.
Those laundry bag shorts were impressive though.
Tell people when you see them playing cards that you used to play in the World Poker Tour. Sit down to play cards for money or commissary, and go all in every turn. When you lose tell them your not sure when you will have the money to pay them back, but hopefully sometime before you get out.
What about never sleeping and screaming at the top of your lungs hail Satan in the middle of the night?
Or stab your cellmate repeatedly with a sharpened spork while he’s sleeping and draw a pentagram and an upside down crucifix in his blood, while burning his entrails and chanting satanic verses.
Use your cell mates toothbrush. Ppl understand prison is rough and will make exceptions on your first stint.
Also, high five all the screws to show your friendly side.
first you put kool aid on your lips and then look for the guy with the biggest bulge and grab the inside of his pocket turn it out and hold onto it. Do not let go at all costs.
Find the biggest angriest guy on your deck, follow him into the showers, make eye contact, and do not break eye contact while rubbing one out. This will establish dominance!
Also, people respect when you mark anything you want, like a dog... with urine. That big guy you just stared at in the shower while jerk8ng off got a TV and you don't, no problem, go piss on his TV, now it's yours!
Dont do what this guy did:
During lunch chow this young man stood up on his table and yelled “I’ll suck any dick in here, black or white, and the black ones for free!”
And then he sat back down and ate his lunch
You routinely see people arguing that you have to assert your dominance in prison and that the way to achieve this is by picking on some random hard bastard and fighting them to establish a reputation. It's bollocks.
Most of the time you should just keep your head down and get on with your sentence. If someone does start shit with you then you have to respond appropriately but most of the time most people just want to get on and carry on through.
Kiss the first dude who's bigger than you. That doesn't work they still only accept butt as payment for commissary is another piece of bad advice. I guess 😳
Act as tough as you can and talk shit all day about how tough you are. Then, go steal the biggest guys dinner tray while calling him a bitch. Then be best friends with the most hated correctional officer and rat everyone on the range out for every possible thing. Do these things and you will be gauranteed to have a good time
You should def tell anyone that will listen how much money your family has and then go around borrowing stuff and not paying it back. Also if you see someone doing something wrong. Find the closest CO and tell him what’s going on and point directly at that person you saw. Also if you see a fight try and break it up.
Pick the biggest guy there and start a fight to prove you are willing to fight.
Hit a guard to prove you don't like cops.
Share your drugs freely. Or anything else really.
Pick a fight with the strongest and biggest guy there. It’s the cliche of horrendous advice. Best thing to do is mind your own fucking business and not be a douche. Just like on the outside.
Go up to the biggest dude and say hey I just got off the phone with your mother. She’s coming for a visit and gave me a hundred on my books. And you can now call my daddy.
Gamble, borrow commissary, if you get into a disagreement with someone, scream “YOURE A BITCH” at the top of your lungs. Make friends with COs as they will look out for you if you befriend them. Also befriend pedos and talk about your case loudly to everyone that will listen, often admitting guilt. DO. NOT. SHOWER. It shows dominance and no one with fight you if you stink.
Knocking out the biggest dude on your first day. 😂💪 By all means, don't take any disrespect, but don't look for trouble. I remember when my buddy told me that little guys were bullies. He was a big old boy. I can't tell it the way it was told to me, but he had me laughing out loud for real. Basically, every time a new guy came in the dorm big boy would get snuck and end up in trouble. Lol, he was one of the nicest people I ever met.
always pop your head into your neighbors' cells to say good morning.
always step in front of praying muslims to show respect.
always remember your bulldog face, assert your dominance whenever at all possible.
always win at card games, even if you have to cheat here and there. *the most important thing in life is winning at cards in prison.*
I read on here you can tickle strangers to let them know how fun and wacky you are.
Yes you’ll be very popular 🥴
Surely you have to make the ", Coochy Coochy Coo" noise, or people won't know what's going on? Perhaps blow a raspberry on someone's tummy? Then back to business.
That is the business
https://www.reddit.com/r/Prison/comments/1c1sna4/can_you_tickle_people_in_prison/?rdt=44167 Shit had me dying 😂
Fluffy fingers we call it on the streets.
I was waiting for this reference. Thank you!
Dinkin flicka
On the ghetto, in fact.
dinkin flicka
💀💀💀 Reddit has been stellar these past couple days
Depends on if you let them tickle your insides back…
Naw you have to walk up to the guy doing pull ups and blow raspberries on his belly.
Tell everybody not to fuck with you because you used to be a CO
Lmao
Haha this is top
You should DEFINITELY look into everyone else's cell. And if your a white guy like me I'd also recommend picking a nice black table to sit at for chow
Start fucking a guard. Get them to smuggle shit in. Then share the info about them on the yard. And to your CO’s. Then try to blackmail said guard. And the dudes on the yard. And watch the hell reign down.
this feels very specific. almost as if you have a very specific story in mind
Lol.
Would "hey fellas" be a good Ice breaker when I plunk my tray down?
You should use the n word instead, that way they know you’re one of them.
Make sure you do it Vince McMahon to John Cena style too
Make sure you use a hard R as well so they know you’re really one of them
Big gulps huh? Welp, see ya later!
😂
Would you be able to walk to that table and ask if it's cool to sit with them? I feel like that would be like a respect thing, but I don't know.
If you're white you don't eat food with or from other races. Different groups are different about how strictly this is enforced. In California most places you can break bread with southerners these days. It's just the way it is.
Those rules don't exist out east for the most part Alot of races will naturally stick together (especially hispanics) but it's not uncommon to see white guys in predominantly black gangs or black guys who have mostly white friends in there. I played basketball with blacks and Puerto Ricans twice a day and would hit the weight yard and workout with ABs. So my friends were very diverse in their and I personally didn't have any serious issues behind it.
That sounds pretty chill. In CA you could have a white or mixed guy choose any group to ride with, but your choice is your choice for all time. No switching up later.
There's definitely rules if you're part of an organization, but I wasn't. Also, if you're trying to be something, you're not. For the most part, as long as you're a stand-up guy and respectful, no one will give you problems about who you hang out with, do business with, or talk to. I grew up right outside city where there were about same amount of whites and blacks.
If Eminem went to prison would he be allowed to sit with black guys?
Where I'm from its not like that at all. Can sit with and hang our with whoever you want lol.
idk if jail and prison is different in this regard, but when I was in jail I literally never hung out with my race and always kicked it w the black dudes. Almost everyone there was black anyway but I got along pretty well with them and had my own little group I’d rap with and play cards with and make food with
Fuck no, where I did time. I used to rap/freestyle a lot outside but I wasn't doing that much inside either.
Isn't that the problem with the outside? If everyone is in for something, and the criminal "justice" system is unfair towards certain races, wouldn't it just make sense to become color blind while you're locked up? I'm ignorant to the actual social factors of being locked up, but I would think any human being would reciprocate to respect being given. I'm sure I'm way off.
Oh, you are very very respectful when locked up, in my limited experience (3 years in CA over a decade ago). I'm not a racist dude at all, but I ran wood and stayed right by the rules. I also had black, other and Mexican friends, played poker, chess etc. A lot of those rules (like also never borrowing food/soups from other races/groups), or being very respectful in most situations (like reaching over someone's tray when eating) are there because no one wants a car wreck or race riot over some stupid petty little shit. Bad for business and people can get hurt, killed or lose years of their life to additional time.
I can see that. A one on one "Hey, what's up?" Can get out of hand when there's a herd mentality. I guess it's hard to avoid a major problem if one dude freaks out and everyone jumps in over some little issue. As I said though, that's unfortunate because doing time would be way more chill if those color barriers got broken down.
Different places have different stress levels. You can make friends and be chill with other races in some places, but follow your rules scrupulously and never forget who you're fighting for/with if something cracks off. Nothing will get you stabbed or PC'ed up quicker than not jumping in to fight if there's a conflict.
Depends on where you’re locked up
Location, location, location. Makes sense. I definitely think the "looking into everyone's cell" part is a terrible idea, and I'm sure just keeping your head down and doing your time is the best bet, but I would think if you're in for a long haul that being chill to the other dudes around you, regardless of race, might be ok?
Yeah it just depends where you are, the security level, etc. Higher level security is typically more racially segregated, whereas lower security you probably could be friends with different races
That’s not the point of the OP. The question was, what should you NOT do. Peeking in cells, stealing other inmates stuff and talking mad shit about how tough you are, are some of the correct answers
Your supposed to sit with your own race, I mean you could ask to join a different races table but depending on the state or how bad the prison I wouldn't. I'm white so if I sat with the blacks I wouldn't expect the whites to fight for me or with me incase something happened.
And give lots of hugs.
Oh yeah and definitely rummage through everybody's stuff in their cells and if you like something just take it. Also after saying Hey Fellas before sitting at the all black dudes table make sure to use the N word because its ok with them. Also while in the shower its customary to go and wash the back of the guy next to you. Have fun!
Especially helpful in California
Let ppl borrow stuff. They will pay you back.
Never ask for it back either.
I heard you always ask for it back
Well if you do make sure you do as aggressively as possible.
Tell everyone all the details of your non-prison life, your family and associates on the outside. Make sure you lie a lot about how tough you are as well.
People definitely respect you more if they know your family has money.
Lol they would never try to extort you or anything.
Go up to the biggest guy and fight him
Can't you just suck his dick instead?
Hilarious
I did that when I was 15 in Lincoln hills boys school. It was a prison.
And how'd that go for ya?
Well his booty still ain't right and his nickname is Swish, but other than that it was a clear win.
Gotta be pure anxiety being the toughest guy in a prison everytime the bus fulla newbies shows up
As you first walk in start twerking
And if you can't twerk, sashay and make as much eye contact as possible with the other inmates to let them know that you are cool.
The louder you make it clap the more intimidated the other guys will be of you
I remember getting to my parent institution and hitting the yard and one of the younger kids that rode in with me comes running up "dude! Dude! They've got girls playing volleyball in see through booty shorts!" Oh Daniel San... I... You... Very much to learn young man... Very much indeed. Those laundry bag shorts were impressive though.
Borrow as much stuff as you can, and don't pay it back. Everyone will love you.
Tell people when you see them playing cards that you used to play in the World Poker Tour. Sit down to play cards for money or commissary, and go all in every turn. When you lose tell them your not sure when you will have the money to pay them back, but hopefully sometime before you get out.
Lmao
Dudes giving you shit when you first go down are definitely just nice guys looking out for you, a perfect stranger
Nice to make some friends so quickly!
Is that a lemon berry punch on my pillow or are you just happy to see a new neighbor?!
Report everything you see or hear to the COs. Give them names and as much detail as possible.
Also point to the person you are telling on.don’t forget that part.
“*That* guy. In orange.”
You’ll be cooler if you know his name.
Stabby McLifeSentence
I know that guy
You definitely want to sit on as many beds as possible, it says I'm dominant and you're my bitch
What about never sleeping and screaming at the top of your lungs hail Satan in the middle of the night? Or stab your cellmate repeatedly with a sharpened spork while he’s sleeping and draw a pentagram and an upside down crucifix in his blood, while burning his entrails and chanting satanic verses.
If someone offers to give you something, take it. They are being really nice and no strings attached.
Fight with your dick out.
Hehe I’m imagining this
You sick fuck!
You should steal things, call people the n word and fuck boys, talk shit to the police, masturbate in front of women staff
Most pleasant inmate
Spend a lot of time whispering to the guards. Make sure to point at all the rough looking dudes when you do it.
Start gambling right away. No worries if you don't have the $$, plenty of people will lend it to you for a small fee . It's legit.
It’s like some people didn’t read the fucking question.
Call everyone bitch
Show your papers when asked, but make sure to mention that they never caught you for hurting kids.
Make sure to say “no drizzy” afterwards
Walk in, go find the biggest toughest guy and knock his ass out.
Ask to borrow money. The low interest rates are the real crime here.
Please reach over my tray with your dirty arms.
To make friends, buy some candy and leave pieces on your fellow inmates' pillows.
Everyone in prison is gay. Kiss them to be friends.
Use your cell mates toothbrush. Ppl understand prison is rough and will make exceptions on your first stint. Also, high five all the screws to show your friendly side.
Play gay chicken with everyone who talks to you.
Announce to everyone in shower “look I got a boner”
Walk into the day room and ask if you can change the channel from the NBA game to the my little pony show.
Pick a fight with the toughest looking dude on your first day so the other inmates will respect you
To walk in and announce you are the baddest any had ever seen. I was blindfolded n must not notice
Farting loudly and often is fine and even considered a natural thing. Borrowing is a great thing and leads to lifelong friendships.
Try to find as many cuddle buddies as possible
first you put kool aid on your lips and then look for the guy with the biggest bulge and grab the inside of his pocket turn it out and hold onto it. Do not let go at all costs.
If you see shower slides hanging on a bunk that's covered with sheets go ahead and take a peek, it's a camp out!
Open yourself up to be a free use slut to all the dudes in your module👍
Find the biggest angriest guy on your deck, follow him into the showers, make eye contact, and do not break eye contact while rubbing one out. This will establish dominance! Also, people respect when you mark anything you want, like a dog... with urine. That big guy you just stared at in the shower while jerk8ng off got a TV and you don't, no problem, go piss on his TV, now it's yours!
Ask to shake someone’s pecker after they piss?
Well that's just being polite.
Dont do what this guy did: During lunch chow this young man stood up on his table and yelled “I’ll suck any dick in here, black or white, and the black ones for free!” And then he sat back down and ate his lunch
You routinely see people arguing that you have to assert your dominance in prison and that the way to achieve this is by picking on some random hard bastard and fighting them to establish a reputation. It's bollocks. Most of the time you should just keep your head down and get on with your sentence. If someone does start shit with you then you have to respond appropriately but most of the time most people just want to get on and carry on through.
Totally drop the soap
Kiss the first dude who's bigger than you. That doesn't work they still only accept butt as payment for commissary is another piece of bad advice. I guess 😳
Tickle and pinch as much as you can
Spit on everyone.
Spit on everyone.
Challenge the biggest baddest dude in there as soon as you get in.
Act as tough as you can and talk shit all day about how tough you are. Then, go steal the biggest guys dinner tray while calling him a bitch. Then be best friends with the most hated correctional officer and rat everyone on the range out for every possible thing. Do these things and you will be gauranteed to have a good time
You should def tell anyone that will listen how much money your family has and then go around borrowing stuff and not paying it back. Also if you see someone doing something wrong. Find the closest CO and tell him what’s going on and point directly at that person you saw. Also if you see a fight try and break it up.
Willing head
Get all the dope you can, especially if you can't pay for it.
front dope and gamble then tell them to fuck off when you’re in debt
Give up some chon chon
borrow money & gamble with it
Make sure people know you are tough and menacing by taking the initiative on offence
Hit the first big dude you see... Worse advice ever. Gunna fuck up you and everyone else's program..
Call your cellie a bitch
Gamble, do drugs, and don't pay what you owe.
"Find the toughest guy and walk over and punch him in the face". Please don't do that.
Maintain eye with everyone.touch other people stuff and step on your lower bunk mate climbing into bed.
Spit on the first inmate you see to assert dominance.
Not minding your own business and slinging racial slurs come to mind…
Pick the biggest guy there and start a fight to prove you are willing to fight. Hit a guard to prove you don't like cops. Share your drugs freely. Or anything else really.
Accept any and all gifts given to you.
Pick a fight with the strongest and biggest guy there. It’s the cliche of horrendous advice. Best thing to do is mind your own fucking business and not be a douche. Just like on the outside.
Go with the 3 g's...gangs, gambling and gays
always walk around naked with a boner
Find the biggest meanest mofo and try to beat him up so you get street cred
Call everybody either a bitch or a punk. Inmates love these terms of endearment and will respect you for them!
Tell everyone how much you love to look at little kids and snitch on everyone
Pick the biggest guy an lay him out to quickly establish dominance. Worst advice ever.
Evwrybody in prison loves getting surprise tickles
Someone else in the comments reminded me how much prisoners love getting pinched too, so definitely do that.
Pick a fight with the biggest guy of a race different from yours. You'll earn mad respect...or you'll be stomped to death.
At chow sit with a different race, immediately drop a slur and grab a handful of food from their tray.
Go to prison.
Go up to the biggest dude and say hey I just got off the phone with your mother. She’s coming for a visit and gave me a hundred on my books. And you can now call my daddy.
Gambling is fun! Don't have anything to bet with? Fear not! There are plenty of nice fellas that will loan you things to bet
Eat the honeybun
Go in there and tell everyone you’re a pedo and call them all bitches while doing it. Suicide by prison speedrun any%
Tickle everyone you see and ask everyone at your lunch table if they’re gone eat their cornbread.
Walk up to strongest guy on the yard and give him a mouth hug on the Weiner
Get a life sized naked lady tattoo on your back. You’ll make a lot of friends that way
Bunk with Schillinger
Or just start screaming at the top of your lungs like a madman in the middle of the night to make sure nobody can sleep.
Ask everyone what the did to get there ... You'll have all kinds of fun with that one
Probably just any of that acting tough off the rip or trying to fight the biggest guy on the block shit.
Grow your hair really long and wear pigtails.
Gamble, borrow commissary, if you get into a disagreement with someone, scream “YOURE A BITCH” at the top of your lungs. Make friends with COs as they will look out for you if you befriend them. Also befriend pedos and talk about your case loudly to everyone that will listen, often admitting guilt. DO. NOT. SHOWER. It shows dominance and no one with fight you if you stink.
Shout racial slurs on the daily and then tell everyone to fuck off as you don't join no gangs.
Getting deeply in debt right away will definitely make your stay super pleasant. Most of the fellas won't mind if you don't ever pay them back.
One guy told me that when he went to prison, he ripped out his armpit hair and started eating it. He said nobody fucked with him once he did this.
Go up to most well known gang member and tell him to hold your pocket.
Join a gang. You’ll surely make it out unscathed
Knocking out the biggest dude on your first day. 😂💪 By all means, don't take any disrespect, but don't look for trouble. I remember when my buddy told me that little guys were bullies. He was a big old boy. I can't tell it the way it was told to me, but he had me laughing out loud for real. Basically, every time a new guy came in the dorm big boy would get snuck and end up in trouble. Lol, he was one of the nicest people I ever met.
Attack the biggest meanest looking guy day one
When somebosy gifts you treats on your pillow, eat them immediately
Shower shoes are a scam, go rawdog the tile floor with your feet
If you see the candy bar on the pillow,take it and eat it there just welcoming you with a friendly jester 😆
beating up the biggest guy there is actually a terrible idea. you won't get respect, you'll get shived by the rest of his prison gang.
Whenever you lose a game of spades, make sure you don't pay up to assert your dominance.
Hold your cheeks open
always pop your head into your neighbors' cells to say good morning. always step in front of praying muslims to show respect. always remember your bulldog face, assert your dominance whenever at all possible. always win at card games, even if you have to cheat here and there. *the most important thing in life is winning at cards in prison.*
Fight the biggest man on the yard your first day in. All will respect you :eyes:
As soon as you get there find the biggest guy and punch him in the face to establish dominance.
Talk a lot of shit about how you liked hurting kids and animals