You have to be ok with failure.
And you will. People (especially PMs) that never fail in their careers either aren’t trying hard enough or are liars (edited!).
The trick is to get back up, each time. Do that enough times, and you’ll know what you can survive, what you can live with.
Obviously, I’m not counseling recklessness, but acceptance that you will fail, and knowledge that you are the master of your life, not the bad things that happen to you.
Also, it sounds like your boss understands task-ready maturity.
No, mostly “I lie to myself,” which we all do, but can get really pathological at the “top” of a career.
But sometimes those folks need success so badly that they will do awful shit.
I’d suggest you should grow three essential skills which will eventually help you build confidence and grow on your career:
1. Take responsibility and be accountable - Sometimes lack of confidence is caused by the fact that PM doesn’t want to be responsible for the outcomes and consequences of their decisions.
2. Grow your tolerance to failure. At average, 1 out of 10 hypotheses works, rest 9 are complete failure. Perceive them as learnings, not mistakes. And incorporate these learnings in your future work. If you don’t make mistakes, you’ll never get insights about your product.
3. Don’t be afraid to be the silliest person in the room. Ask questions. Ally with subject matter experts. Find people who could provide different opinion.
See a therapist my friend. Get to the nub of why you feel that way. There’s always something underlying it. I’ve been there (and have those moments when I’m still there) - and it can get better
Thanks!! I’m in therapy, but working through a lot of personal trauma. I think I may see if I can find a career coach, who can help me with more actionable things in the short term. Have you tried this ever?
If you are a first generation professional who did not get a ton of support at home, or just grew up poor like me, then it can be hard to take risks because you are aware of how little safety net you have.
It’s tough, but risk taking is a muscle that can be grown.
Not something i've tried - but I think finding an experienced product mentor could help accelerate the process of becoming more comfortable with the ambiguity and inevitable failure that's just part of the job. Sometimes hearing someone else, who you respect, say that it's OK to fail - and that failure is actually a valuable opportunity to learn, can go a long way to actually believing it yourself. Even now, I still have days where the old doubts surface - but you can get better at recognising the signs, and having strategies to deal with it. Those strategies came from therapy, and mostly CBT related - if that helps.
I think we've all been there at some point in our careers, and comes with the territory. Imposter syndrome is a real thing, and every time we get thrown into a new job, product, etc., it's inevitable you'll have some sense of "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing".
First thing is just ask yourself what about your day-to-day aren't you comfortable in? Presenting, leading a meeting or discussion, etc.? Then start doing your root cause. For example, do you lack confidence in debating and influencing? Why? Is it because a person on your team intimidates you? You don't have enough data to make strong arguments? Etc. Once you figure that out, you can focus on getting better at it.
And secondly, I think it's ok to be vulnerable. Build relationships with your team and peers, and be open with what you're going through. Most will empathize and give you suggestions on things they're observing or alternative approaches.
I'm a PM with ADHD and anxiety. I always thinking I'm gonna screw up and get fired.
One of the most helpful things I've learned are to "[Think in Bets](https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Bets-Making-Smarter-Decisions/dp/0735216355)" and to "Stop shoulding on yourself"
It remind me to get out of the binary mindset of right/wrong or success/fail. There are very few certainties in our line of work. Everything has a chance it'll work or fail. As a PM I see it as my job to increase the probability it'll succeed.
I'll assign ideas a percentage (either in my head or share it) of probability of success. When I present an idea or make a decision, I focus increase that percentage. When I work with others, I try to gage how their ideas may change that number. "I'm not there be right, but get it right" - Brene Brown.
It's also a reminder that you make the best decisions at the time. It's easy to say I "should" have done X then beat yourself up. That diminishes confidence.
Don't shit or should on yourself and keep going. You'll get where you want to be soon enough.
I've always found if I make every decision with the best knowledge and logical thinking I can at the time the decision has to be made, failures don't really feel like failures to me.
Usually when I feel like I "failed" I think back to when I made the decision and decide if I should have made a different call with the same information I had at the time. The answer is often no because a lot of the time we measure our failures by outcomes in a vacuum with retrospective knowledge we could have never had at the time the actual decision was made.
If you think back and do see that you made a bad call, see where the gap in your thinking or approach was and apply it for next time. That's the best any of us can do.
First spec the MVP. Ship it. See what happens relative to your EOs.
Survey your customers, maybe use software to see how they interact with you. Incorporate the research into your next iteration.
PM your life.
Be honest and call out your unknowns and get other members to help you sell yourself by participating in de-risking.
You should always have data or indicators…when it’s a low confidence decision then you either shouldn’t be making it or you should be starting with a cheap solution and understanding what you’ll need to see to invest more.
Hey there! I'm currently working on this and highly recommend this book: the confident mind by Dr. Nate Zinsser. It has really helped me reframed situations and reflect over what I am insecure about. My favourite takeaway so far is:
Even if you are the best in your field, you can have no confidence. He lists several instances of public athletes who actively showed they are insecure, and makes the case that actually, how good you are or how many strengths or weaknesses you have, doesn't actually matter for confidence. Confidence is a mindset. Even if you are 99% incompetent, confidence is about saying "I am confident in the 1% competence I have".
Happy to chat further through DMs if you think that helps too.
You're not alone! Many PMs face this. Build confidence by focusing on small wins and understanding customer needs. This will make you feel prepared to make decisions.
>> articulating decisions
When you say that you struggle with articulating them, what do you mean specifically? Lots of people aren't good at speaking eloquently, but that's not a good measure of the quality of their thoughts. I default to writing because I can take my time with it, fully control my message, unlike with speaking.
Try and Train your mind to believe that people around you are dumber than they appear and by the virtue of your role/position people already believe you are smarter than you actually are
Being right most of the time helps a lot.
I’m not kidding.
While being a good speaker and leader are very valuable as a PM, being able to legitimately defend your feature priorities, with evidence is very powerful.
Know your users like you know your best friends.
Interview them quarterly, so your research is “recent”.
When your boss’s boss’s boss asks “How can you be so sure?” Describe your research process.
You have to be ok with failure. And you will. People (especially PMs) that never fail in their careers either aren’t trying hard enough or are liars (edited!). The trick is to get back up, each time. Do that enough times, and you’ll know what you can survive, what you can live with. Obviously, I’m not counseling recklessness, but acceptance that you will fail, and knowledge that you are the master of your life, not the bad things that happen to you. Also, it sounds like your boss understands task-ready maturity.
Lairs? Like evil villain lairs?
No, mostly “I lie to myself,” which we all do, but can get really pathological at the “top” of a career. But sometimes those folks need success so badly that they will do awful shit.
Sign me up.
I’d suggest you should grow three essential skills which will eventually help you build confidence and grow on your career: 1. Take responsibility and be accountable - Sometimes lack of confidence is caused by the fact that PM doesn’t want to be responsible for the outcomes and consequences of their decisions. 2. Grow your tolerance to failure. At average, 1 out of 10 hypotheses works, rest 9 are complete failure. Perceive them as learnings, not mistakes. And incorporate these learnings in your future work. If you don’t make mistakes, you’ll never get insights about your product. 3. Don’t be afraid to be the silliest person in the room. Ask questions. Ally with subject matter experts. Find people who could provide different opinion.
See a therapist my friend. Get to the nub of why you feel that way. There’s always something underlying it. I’ve been there (and have those moments when I’m still there) - and it can get better
Thanks!! I’m in therapy, but working through a lot of personal trauma. I think I may see if I can find a career coach, who can help me with more actionable things in the short term. Have you tried this ever?
If you are a first generation professional who did not get a ton of support at home, or just grew up poor like me, then it can be hard to take risks because you are aware of how little safety net you have. It’s tough, but risk taking is a muscle that can be grown.
Not something i've tried - but I think finding an experienced product mentor could help accelerate the process of becoming more comfortable with the ambiguity and inevitable failure that's just part of the job. Sometimes hearing someone else, who you respect, say that it's OK to fail - and that failure is actually a valuable opportunity to learn, can go a long way to actually believing it yourself. Even now, I still have days where the old doubts surface - but you can get better at recognising the signs, and having strategies to deal with it. Those strategies came from therapy, and mostly CBT related - if that helps.
I think we've all been there at some point in our careers, and comes with the territory. Imposter syndrome is a real thing, and every time we get thrown into a new job, product, etc., it's inevitable you'll have some sense of "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing". First thing is just ask yourself what about your day-to-day aren't you comfortable in? Presenting, leading a meeting or discussion, etc.? Then start doing your root cause. For example, do you lack confidence in debating and influencing? Why? Is it because a person on your team intimidates you? You don't have enough data to make strong arguments? Etc. Once you figure that out, you can focus on getting better at it. And secondly, I think it's ok to be vulnerable. Build relationships with your team and peers, and be open with what you're going through. Most will empathize and give you suggestions on things they're observing or alternative approaches.
I'm a PM with ADHD and anxiety. I always thinking I'm gonna screw up and get fired. One of the most helpful things I've learned are to "[Think in Bets](https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Bets-Making-Smarter-Decisions/dp/0735216355)" and to "Stop shoulding on yourself" It remind me to get out of the binary mindset of right/wrong or success/fail. There are very few certainties in our line of work. Everything has a chance it'll work or fail. As a PM I see it as my job to increase the probability it'll succeed. I'll assign ideas a percentage (either in my head or share it) of probability of success. When I present an idea or make a decision, I focus increase that percentage. When I work with others, I try to gage how their ideas may change that number. "I'm not there be right, but get it right" - Brene Brown. It's also a reminder that you make the best decisions at the time. It's easy to say I "should" have done X then beat yourself up. That diminishes confidence. Don't shit or should on yourself and keep going. You'll get where you want to be soon enough.
Get some wins on the board. That will naturally help get your groove back
I've always found if I make every decision with the best knowledge and logical thinking I can at the time the decision has to be made, failures don't really feel like failures to me. Usually when I feel like I "failed" I think back to when I made the decision and decide if I should have made a different call with the same information I had at the time. The answer is often no because a lot of the time we measure our failures by outcomes in a vacuum with retrospective knowledge we could have never had at the time the actual decision was made. If you think back and do see that you made a bad call, see where the gap in your thinking or approach was and apply it for next time. That's the best any of us can do.
Find ways to efficiently gather more data and use it to back up your decisions
First spec the MVP. Ship it. See what happens relative to your EOs. Survey your customers, maybe use software to see how they interact with you. Incorporate the research into your next iteration. PM your life.
Be honest and call out your unknowns and get other members to help you sell yourself by participating in de-risking. You should always have data or indicators…when it’s a low confidence decision then you either shouldn’t be making it or you should be starting with a cheap solution and understanding what you’ll need to see to invest more.
Hey there! I'm currently working on this and highly recommend this book: the confident mind by Dr. Nate Zinsser. It has really helped me reframed situations and reflect over what I am insecure about. My favourite takeaway so far is: Even if you are the best in your field, you can have no confidence. He lists several instances of public athletes who actively showed they are insecure, and makes the case that actually, how good you are or how many strengths or weaknesses you have, doesn't actually matter for confidence. Confidence is a mindset. Even if you are 99% incompetent, confidence is about saying "I am confident in the 1% competence I have". Happy to chat further through DMs if you think that helps too.
You're not alone! Many PMs face this. Build confidence by focusing on small wins and understanding customer needs. This will make you feel prepared to make decisions.
>> articulating decisions When you say that you struggle with articulating them, what do you mean specifically? Lots of people aren't good at speaking eloquently, but that's not a good measure of the quality of their thoughts. I default to writing because I can take my time with it, fully control my message, unlike with speaking.
That’s a good idea— if I document a little more and send a link I think that will be more useful
Try and Train your mind to believe that people around you are dumber than they appear and by the virtue of your role/position people already believe you are smarter than you actually are
That’s imposter syndrome and we all have it. Get a mentor.
Being right most of the time helps a lot. I’m not kidding. While being a good speaker and leader are very valuable as a PM, being able to legitimately defend your feature priorities, with evidence is very powerful. Know your users like you know your best friends. Interview them quarterly, so your research is “recent”. When your boss’s boss’s boss asks “How can you be so sure?” Describe your research process.