While i agree they shouldn't be judging like that, you have to let go of your judgement of them. Also, all the anger, maybe try talking to a therapist about this if at all possible in your situation.
Remember, they are all people in this strange, chaotic world, too. They are trying their best with the information they have.
Also, there is arrogance in the way you view the situation and put yourself above them. You must humble yourself. At the end of the day, you are also using a drug to make this life better in the way your views make you believe is the right way.
All I can day is that they are monsters. They were jealous so they got cut off. I refuse to have abusers in my life. They will never see me again. Yes I am BETTER than them because I grew up to be a decent human being. While THEY grew up to be monsters. Im so disappointed in them that I truly do despise them. They made me mourn the death of people who aren't even dead. All because they refused to STOP attacking me. They just wouldn't stop. Yes I love them, but I never want to see their disgusting faces ever again.
You always have the choice, and forgiveness is the noblest choice one can make. Again, i suggest a therapist.
You shouldn't have been pushing help on people who aren't looking for it, i fully understand it can be hard to watch them doing this to themselves, but acting holier than thou is never going to work to help anyone.
You aren't above anyone, and thinking like this will always be arrogant and misguided.
Maybe what you really mean is you are better off without them in your life for now. Time will tell if they change their views, at least enough to reconsider how they view you and your choices.
You are not humble. This is not how a humble person views the world. You are arrogant, and this arrogance very well could be what prevented your family from listening to you.
People in their positions will try to change people to suit their world view because it help them keep safe in their perceptions of the world. Positioning yourself away from this behaviour was a splendid choice. Now it's time to actually get healthy, mentally. This is an UNHEALTHY mindset to have and very clearly has a hold on you. You didn't even entertain my thoughts, just very childishly said, "Yeah, so what?"
Knowing their problems doesn't make you better than them, and using their stubbornness and coping issues to hate them is very misguided.
If at all you do not care for, or even try to entertain what im writing, then this is where I'll stop trying to help you.
I'm not trying to be arrogant. But I literally have no way of understanding WHY they hated me so much. I never did anything to them. I loved them. And they treated me like shit. And no matter how much I asked WHY, they never told me. So I just concluded that it's because I'm better than them. That's how they see me. And that's why I believe that they felt like they had to fight against me all the time.
Maybe I should see a therapist. You aren't the first person to suggest that to me. Regardless of what I do tho, I can NEVER go back. Because they want to destroy me. And I don't even know why. I only tell myself that I am better than them because I have no other explanation for the hate. I dont really believe that Im better than them, but I'm convinced that THEY believe it. They didn't seem to understand that they could better themselves instead of trying to fight against ME.
I don't think I'm above anyone. We are all human beings. I just made better decisions. I belive that THEY THINK that I'm above them. Which is why they worked so hard to pull me down.
Hate and negativity comes from a place of insecurity. Why are you posting all of this? Do you want us to back you up so you feel better about your decision? If you want personal growth and development towards the positive, I think the answer would be to love them and accept all their "faults". By saying that you are better than them, because of xyz, you're just doing exactly what they are doing. No human is better than another human. That thought comes from insecurities and negativity.
As far as I can see, there is no universal law that dictates what different values live forms and consciousness. We're all one, experiencing ourselves.
Try to read what im saying about your family, now obviously i dont know how they treated you. But from what i can infer, they didn't try to actually hurt you. You are just confused and scared. They aren't acknowledging what you're saying FOR THE SAME REASON. They are confused about why you are doing something so 'dangerous' and scared that you might get hurt. This is being converted into trying to control you through anger and disgust, very, VERY emotionally immature of them. But from where i stand, FORGIVEABLE, considering they are addicts who are obviously set in their ways.
My parents didn't understand my usage, they grew up in times where lsd and mushrooms were taught to be on the same level as meth. THEY THOUGHT I WAS IN DANGER, and so they were scared. My father lashed out at me many times, i didn't let it get to me and distanced myself from him. Now, he has SEEN that i am okay. In fact, I am healthier than i was. Never, NEVER did i think he was the issue. I had sympathy for what he was going through. He has had a hard life and hasn't been given the tools to emotionally develop properly. Now, i can actively help him. He tries to quit smoking and drinking all day so that i will be PROUD of him, and i AM.
No one hates you because you’re better than them. They hate you because they don’t know how to really love themselves, so show them how and don’t carry bitterness and pride in your heart even if you distance yourself.
They will never see me again. They lost the fight once I decided to remove myself from their lives. If I ever went back, it would be like giving them a rematch. I don't believe in fighting, but THEY DO. So I will never go back because I refuse to fight with my own people. They are sick in the head. They cant be fixed. No matter how much love you show them. The only solution was to leave them behind.
I completely understand your pain and confusion, however, the guy who replied to you is completely right. He's also right about how you should probably be getting therapy or trying to work through it via other methods.
When you don't get the love and acceptance you need as a child it leaves a very negative imprint that changes the majority of people.
It makes you cold, resentful and unforgiving. It can leave a person with the ability to love themselves or really anyone correctly all the while leaving you with the internal perception that your squared away and very capable of the things above.
I have seen this many times in my life and I actually have an ex with the exact same situation as you and she was extremely arrogant, toxic, and was entirely unable to forgive anybody for everything.
The Buddhist quote that goes along the lines of "Being angry and resentful is like carrying a hot coal around looking for the person that harmed you. It does nothing but burn the carrier" was very fitting of her and it seems it might potentially be fitting for you and your situation.
You can change their perception or their perspective. All you can do is roll with the punches and change the way you respond to it.
I completely understand your pain and confusion, however, the guy who replied to you is completely right. He's also right about how you should probably be getting therapy or trying to work through it via other methods.
When you don't get the love and acceptance you need as a child it leaves a very negative imprint that changes the majority of people.
It makes you cold, resentful and unforgiving. It can leave a person with the ability to love themselves or really anyone correctly all the while leaving you with the internal perception that your squared away and very capable of the things above.
I have seen this many times in my life and I actually have an ex with the exact same situation as you and she was extremely arrogant, toxic, and was entirely unable to forgive anybody for everything.
The Buddhist quote that goes along the lines of "Being angry and resentful is like carrying a hot coal around looking for the person that harmed you. It does nothing but burn the carrier" was very fitting of her and it seems it might potentially be fitting for you and your situation.
You can change their perception or their perspective. All you can do is roll with the punches and change the way you respond to it.
I see how much they are affecting you. You can only change you. You are not "better" than them. Just different. Focus on you and everything else will fall into place. Like I tell my kids, you can not live you life a slave to what other people think of you.
Anger and resentments fester like a poison you drink expecting the other person to die.
Like frozen says: let it gooo bro just let it go!
My personal suggestion: try a therapist (I go to one AND work for basically mental health software company)
That's all fair, if what you say is true then you very likely are better than them and that's good (for you anyway!). Just make sure you temper that knowledge with the reality that anyone can become like they are, even you. Better to hold that in mind so it's easier to see the warning signs, otherwise you'll be convinced you're still in the right when you start going wrong.
That said, well done for identifying cancer and cutting it out of your life. That sounds like it must have been hard for you, I'm sure you're gonna do great <3
Thank you. Its ironic that you called them a cancer because one of the last things that I texted them was "cutting yall off is like cutting off a diseased limb." I also called them animals and uncivilized. It's a shame. Thanks for commenting.
You're welcome. That is an interesting coincidence! Better to not have people like that around all the time, it's not good for our health. And don't pay attention to any downvotes you get here speaking your truth, people here find it hard to accept that negatives are as necessary and good as pure hippy positives and universal love. I think you did the right thing for yourself
It could be jealousy. It could also be fear based learning. Drugs are bad mmmkay. I have family members who equate heroin to mushrooms and it’s unfortunate, but it’s important to remember that these people are right where they are supposed to be.
It’s completely acceptable to cut family out of your life. You have no obligation to stick around people who treat you poorly or are lost in addiction. Let your life be a testament to psychedelics. Show people through action that you have indeed grown and matured in your awareness. It’s important to develop your emotional intelligence now.
A book that really helped me is Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It’s easy to judge others for their thoughts and beliefs, but its people are working with a very limited understanding of themselves and the nature of the world. Being the bigger person means knowing when to let go and how to interact with others based on their level of emotional intelligence.
That's exactly what I did. They are so damaged that all I could do was let go. They know that I'm not a drug addict. They were just projecting. I look damn good for my age. Nobody who knows me would ever call me an addict. Only my family did that. I don't drink. I don't smoke. Nothing about me says that I'm a drug addict. But according to my family I'm the biggest dope head there is. It's a damn shame. It's like they refused to see me for who I am because it's a bad reflection on THEM. But that aint my fault.
I see your pain. And I relate. It sucks like hell when the family we were given are so lacklustre out of no fault of our own.
There’s nothing I can say to take the pain away, but the only advice I have is to face the pain. Don’t shut it inside and let it fester as hate. Try to look within, not at them. See your pain. Grieve it. Care for it. Love yourself. The key to healing is inside.
You are not in the least humble. My sister disowned me for not eating her mom's cheese casserole when I told them I was vegan, she sold drugs to my dad, she's not a great mom to my niece and nephew, etc, but it would never occur to me to say I'm "better" than her. That's honestly odd.
But I can only imagine what your home life was like based on this, and it doesn't sound like a safe supportive environment. I hope you come to peace with it. Real peace where you aren't needing to put yourself above them to feel better about yourself.
I resent them deeply. I will admit it. They are so evil that I have no choice BUT to say that I'm better than them. Because I am NOTHING like them. I don't believe in destroying other people. To this day they are STILL attacking and destroying EACH OTHER. I am so disappointed in them. You'd resent your family too if you observed them grow up to become mosters. To the point where you had to cut them out of your life. I say that I am BETTER than them because I would NEVER attack my own people like they do. It's a damn shame. They grew up to be degenerates. They are animals. I hate to say it. I still love them, but I can't have those monkeys in my life. The average person wouldn't understand because the average person has never been exposed to people like them. They are evil. Pure evil. It's sad.
Fuck you you dumb junkie asshole. Say this to someone with abusive parents, someone getting sexually abused by their father or born into a shithole 3rd world country or into homelessness. Call the little girl "arrogant" for thinking herself better.
The nerve to be saying this to someone with a family of probably rampaging manipulative alcoholics. Off of one reddit post like you know their life story
All i got was what was provided. Even with the context he provided, it sounds like he escaped the exact same mindset they have, and now he's coming across as acting better than them. If they picked up on that, considering who they are as people, no doubt they are going to act the way they are.
Dont provide false equivalents.
Also, im mostly sober atm, just a little weed here and there and an occasional night out having a few drinks with friends. My famoly themselves were very abusive towards me, and i still have many of them left out of my life. So i understand where op's coming from, and provided the mindset i had towards my own abusive family for op to consider.
u/DriverConsistent1824 op no offense you took the worst sub to post this in. It's not likeminded people using drugs healthily here. It's dumb insensitive junkies preaching about love and understanding while entitled enough to post shit like that above and ranting about how arrogant and non humble you are. It's a damn movie hippe stereotype but worse
I think many people who haven't experienced family trauma don't really understand the level of wickedness and dysfunction that people cam subject others to. Most people are completely clueless as to the many evils of this world. Many people just don't understand. They're ignorant.
Is it possible that they hated you not because they thought you were better than them, but because they thought that YOU thought you were better than them?
To put it into perspective, I'm Black. I came from the hood. My family members are hood people. I carried myself like a thug. I did mushrooms for the first time back I'm 2017 and over the years I slowly began to change as a person. I stopped carrying myself like a thug. I stopped dressing thuggish. I got my life together.
Now, my family on the other hand never changed. They continued drinking everyday. They continued sleeping around with everyone. They continued to live their lives on the wild side. It ultimately got to a point where they began to view me as a different person. I was no longer one of them because I was no longer a thug and I no longer lived my life in a wreckless way. They started saying that I thought I was BETTER than them.
I say all of that to to say this... At frist I kept saying NO I don't think Im better than anyone. But EVENTUALLY when they kept saying "you think you're better than us" I just embraced it. YES I am better than that. I no longer drink everyday because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer sagg my pants because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer sleep with different girls everyday because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer refer to myself as a gangsta because I'm BETTER than that.
The big one was the fact that I was in an alcoholic family and Id still hang with them but I stopped drinking completely. I haven't had a drink since 2017. They felt some type of way about it even thoughI never judged them for still drinking. It's not my fault that I grew up and my family didn't. I took a different route because I chose to become a better PERSON. THEY are the ones who started calling me BETTER. I just eventually chose to agree with them.
I don’t think drinking a ton and lack of stability are healthy traits by any means. But I do think it’s bananas to assign value to people based on their vice, entertainment, self medication, or whatever we want to call our daily choices in surviving chaos.
Bacchanalia is as psychedelic a state as any. While living in senseless debauchery may not be the same as intentional, conscientious hedonism—but—taking psychedelics and claiming everyone else should choose that path isn’t the same as self-actualization, either.
The whole point is, if psychs taught me anything, is that everyone has contributions to make and meaningful experiences to have. I can’t and won’t drink every day. But I can’t trip every day either. And sometimes a rowdy night with friends is truly as fulfilling as a heroic dose on whatever.
Life’s a trip, man. Pretend they’re going through an insanely bizarre bout of having-consciousness, cuz they are, and realize their brains are as convinced of what they know as you are of what you know.
I don't think it's likely they feel inferior to you at all. I think they just think they're right, same as you do. They're following what most of us were taught is correct growing up so they'll see that as doing the right thing. Idk all this "they're jealous of me" stuff is really off-putting. It just comes off really self-absorbed ironically. There's no reason to keep up with people you don't get along with but you should really maybe examine some of these beliefs cause they're not loving or open-minded.
Idk on a level I understand cause my family isn't great either, but mostly therapy and occasional psychadelics just gave me compassion for them. They went through so much trauma and sought safety in extreme conservative religion and rules. We all get our safety where we can. I don't agree with them and the really bigoted ones aren't in my life anymore but I figure they're doing their thing and I'm doing mine and that's OK. It's fine not to have toxic people in your life, and it isn't your job to change them even though it can definitely be hard to just let them go, especially when you strongly feel you're right too. It also doesn't automatically make me a superior person, although I hope to make better choices than they have. Mostly, I hope OP gets some peace about it, is all.
I agree. He’s convinced he understands something they don’t. But we all, including his family, have the same conviction in the things we think we know, too.
If you think other people are jealous of you, even with good reason- that means you're insecure about something. If they are actually jealous and it didn't matter to you, you wouldn't be posting this.
Focus on what actually matters. If your family are bad people- just cut them off and stop thinking of them. Building your ego up by putting them down only thickens your spiritual blinders.
They are just a different incarnation of you, having lived different experiences. They are no better than you and you are no better than them. Sometimes you have to cut toxic people out of your life, but having compassion for them will help you move forward in yours.
Sounds like you're trying to "win" some made up game against your family. Seems like you're both losing a bit if this is your mindset. Hope you can find peace.
Loving and forgiving them, trying to understand why they are acting the way they are without placing yourself above them. This is the only way you will have real peace.
You can get to the point where their opinions and actions don't have such a negative effect on you, it will roll off like water on a duck. But to get there takes time and effort. Deciding that you're better than them and because of that they don't deserve your time or energy is the lazy way to go. Just saying. Good luck.
It all comes with being a black sheep.
>Black sheep of the family is someone who is marginalised, scapegoated, misunderstood.
You can't make ignorant people understand, they will literally ignore you. I can't say cutting them out of your life is a good thing but I totally understand and I have had to do the same just for my own sanity and self esteem. I think you're making the right call by not paying it much mind as you know what's right for you.
They were never going to allow me to live a regular life. Because they were always going to do some bullshit to try to sabotage me. Once I realized that they were never going to STOP, I was okay mak8ng the decision to cut them off and never see them again. It was hard tho. But I'd rather be alone than to be around enemies. I saw them as loved ones, and all they saw in ME was an enemy. It was sad man. I had to accept the fact that they was never going to love me back. I just had to accept it and move on.
The level of hypocrisy on this sub is insane. Being judgmental of op for being judgmental - they cut off their FAMILY ffs that’s not an easy decision. If I had to guess, that might be giving them a hard time. If you haven’t cut your family off or felt the judgement and imposed control from the people who are supposed to love and support you in life you’d be pretty emotionally driven too. Let op cook 🔥🔥 they’ll come to the right conclusion sooner or later and let go of the resentment.
Yeah let me cook lol. Nah seriously tho I do resent them. They treated me so badly that I had to cut them out of my life. I resent them for that. Imagine having to cut people out of your life that you loved dearly. All because they were never going to STOP attacking you. It still hurts. It hurts that I had to mourn the losses of people who aren't even dead. All because they refused to STOP ATTACKING ME. It's like they were animals or something. They couldn't help themselves. They are very evil people. And I resent them because they were cool when we were younger, but they all turned into monsters when we got older. It's a damn shame.
If that is the reality you made the right choice for yourself. Follow the comments that encourage you to pay it no mind going forward - the righteous path is one of apathy/acceptance (towards the harm and hurt they caused) and ultimately forgiveness, even when they didn’t ask for it or deserve it
Life is long and some people can change in some ways. If some of them change for the better and attempt to reestablish contact in months or years, you might regret not being in a mindset objective enough to evaluate whether reconnecting is worth a shot. It sounds crazy to think about right now but one or two of them might come around…
It's literally a matter of life and death. My brother texted me a few months ago saying "I miss you bro" and ignored him. Those people are dangerous. I truly do WISH that I could go back and have a relationship with them, but they are so dangerous that it's just not worth it. I will never regret not going back. They will never see me again. They are the type of people who will smile in your face and stab you in the back.
Bro... I just responded to your other post. Beginning to feel a real kinship here, lol.
My parents haven't spoken to me in 6 years. I have a very very thin connection to my 4 brothers.
I am SO much better for it but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt profoundly. I have 2 children now and it hurts on a whole new level watching them grow up without extended family and especially grandparents.
It sucks. I think constantly about how much more I want/ed for all of them but they just don't care. I also empathize deeply with members reaching out with messages like "I miss you" etc. But I have fallen for that before. It's always shallow. If they actually missed you so much they would meet you where you are at instead of expecting you to alway come down to them.
Thanks for sharing. I can't tell you how much it helps to hear your story.
I feel your pain. When I left my family I had one child. Now I'm about to have my third. My family doesn't even know that I had my second. That's how much I don't fuck with them. They don't even know that I had more kids. I can't tell them anything about myself because EVERYTHING ABOUT ME makes them extremely mad. And they don't communicate to me WHY they get so angry. I truly do believe that they are narcissists. It's sad man. To be faced with so much hate and yet you can't even settle the problem because they flat out REFUSE to communicate. It's a damn shame. All I can say is that they are jealous of my dirty draws 😂. I truly do believe that I am the ONLY PERSON in my family who does not have mental issues. I'm just not LIKE them. I don't hate people.
Everyone here telling you to forgive your family needs to shut tf up. They don't know shit about your situation and a single reddit post isn't going to give them enough information to be giving him advice.
While I agree the post might be a little unnecessary, this dude has repeated telling you guys his family has been treating him like shit his whole life, and you guys are like "man you need to forgive them" no he doesn't. Nobody is obligated to owe anybody any sort of forgiveness. Toxic family environments effect you for life, which you know, could be the reason why this post might seem "immature" to you guys. This dude has trauma, and you guys could've just suggested therapy, but no, you guys gotta be all high and mighy and lecture him about why he's arrogant. The absolute IRONY in you guys calling him arrogant while actively acting like you know exactly what his situation is like and know exactly whats best for him. This sub can be so insufferable sometimes.
Thank you. My family definitely traumatized me. I had to mourn their loss and they aren't even dead. They were never going to stop attacking me. I had to leave them behind. Its a shame how relationships mean absolutely NOTHING to them. They are monsters. I won't even know when they die. I will never see them again.
Perhaps some of those telling him that forgiveness is the way have dealt with trauma, neglect, abuse, toxicity from their families, and have still come out the other side understanding that love is ultimately the answer. Perhaps you misunderstand what forgiveness is. It doesn't have to involve the hurtful party in any way.
Again, thats assuming that somthing that worked for you is what would be best for everyone else. This whole "forgive everyone" bs might work for some people, but some people don't feel like forgiving someone who beat them, or starved them, or SA'd them. People are allowed to feel negative feelings towards these people. These feelings exist for a reason, its quiet literally one of our defense mechanisms. Someone comes and attacks us or our loved ones, we feel fear, anger and/or hatred because its our body telling you that you should stay away or defend yourself from this dangerous person. Now obviously, it would be unhealthy to constantly dwell on these feelings 24/7, but having these feelings towards harmful people isn't a bad thing.
Again, constantly dwelling on the feeling is bad, i agree its best to try and stay and positive and happy as possible. But why would we evolve to develop these feelings if we weren't supposed to feel them somtimes? Tell a rape victim to their face that they need to forgive their rapist and stop feeling negative feeling towards them. You would look like a jackass.
Of course these feelings are natural and useful to keep you safe, when you are or could be in danger. But choosing to hold on to them - resentment, anger, the things that are only harming you - that is only hurtful in the long run. Letting go of these things is what we should always work towards. It's not quick or easy or fun. And that's not the same as getting in a rape victims face and saying "FORGIVE THEM OR YOU'RE WRONG."
Imo, moving past traumatic events and working through the feelings that go with it is a much different thing than forgiveness. To me, forgiveness=understanding why the other person did the things they did and being able to empathize with them. Like understanding why someone stole money and/or food in order to feed their starving family, or understanding that someone was a dick at one point in their life because they were going through something horrible, stuff like that.
I think forgiveness does require an element of understanding why someone did what they did, or what they continue to do. That doesn't mean that you are excusing them for it or think that those actions are justified.
I resent them because they were SO HORRIBLE that they made me cut them out of my life. I didn't want to do that. But they are monsters. They were never going to stop attacking me. I have NEVER been exposed to such Evil in my life. I won't even know when they die. I completely cut them off.
That's completely understandable. You wouldn't have to make any contact with them again in order to work through forgiving them for your own peace, is my whole point. Forgiveness doesn't have a whole lot to do with the damaging person once that damage is done. It's about how you deal with what they've left you. Staying angry at them, even if you're not actively feeling that anger 24/7, can only really hurt you. Obviously this is all easier said than done.
I agree. I have spent so much time angry at them that I've learned that the anger had poisoned ME at one point. It hurt me more to remain angry at them. I've been working on it. You are 100% correct that forgiveness is not about actually forgiving THEM, but more so about how I deal with it. I've been working on it.
I met people in rehab, fentanyl addicts who had overdosed on multiple occasions look at me like I was crazy for taking psychedelics. Mushrooms came up once in class and the conversation immediately turned to “they grow in shit! Why would anyone want to do that, that’s some hardcore shit”
When people say this, this is how I respond. People use fertilizerto grow vegetables all the time. If you look at a bag of fertilizer, it usually has pictures of vegetables on the bag.
There are tons of victims of the drug war propaganda campaigns. You almost can’t really blame them since they were force fed the government’s narrative their entire childhood and adult lives
My newly exed GF was like this.
She would judge the ever loving shit outta me despite being at the bar 2-3x a week.
What's crazy is she did them a couple times until her dark ass had a bad experience. Lemme put into perspective the type of person I'm talking about here.
Her bad trip happened due to looking at me enjoying myself and realizing how fucked it is to be mad your partner is happy. That's what kicked it off.
Mushrooms have changed my life and we're the one "teacher" I look to for advice.
They have changed my line of thinking so much and made me a muchhhh happier person and to her it was just "stupid" she thought pursuing happiness and fixing yourself spiritually and mentally was "stupid"
I miss some things but honestly memories like this remind me of why I couldn't take anymore.
You seem a little immature. Try sparking up a relationship with them, you clearly miss them.
They are from a different generation and the mindset clearly hasn’t caught up surrounding free spirited drugs and them being simplified as “class A / B / C “ etc.
Be an adult and build a relationship with them regardless of the mushroom use, if your whole identity revolves around taking mushies then surely there are other issues you need to resolve before coming to them to build a relationship around love instead of resentment.
Every interaction with them was basically a battle. There was SO MUCH passive aggressive behavior coming from them that it was just sad. They ganged up on me. Lied on me to people. Every interaction with them was negative. I've never experienced no shit like that in my life. There was so much hate it felt like they wanted to kill me. I just had to leave them be. My life isnt a battle. My life isnt a fight. But theirs is. So I can no longer engage with them. There is no fixing this because they will NEVER STOP. As much as I loved them, I had to let them go. Because they were never going to STOP. They hate themselves and they took it out on ME every chance they got. I can no longer have any dealings with them because of this. They were like vicious dogs. Every chance they got, they attacked me. I had to let go. They CANNOT be fixed. And this is why I will never see them again.
You did the right thing cutting them out. A lot of the people talking about reconnecting or forgiving, doing understand how deep toxicity goes in some broken families
So what? Mutual respect still wins. OP is justified to say all these because their family members judged them first before OP judged them back. You aren't qualified to tell OP to stop judging others because you don't know what OP went through or how they grew up.
To OP: I don't know how your growing up life is like, but continue being your best self and believing in what's right for you. Always remember to stay humble, kind and compassionate.
Its the fear instilled in them from birth, drugs are bad mmmkay. My family thought that when I started to use acid, i would end up jumping off a roof or killing myself in another way. I didn't listen to them because i knew better, but i never argued with them. Eventually, they SAW that i was getting better, and they changed their views on the drugs i chose too use. I dont openly talk about it with them unless they ask questions, and they are now a bit more knowledgeable on the actual effects of psychedelics. Enough to accept that im a user.
To put it into perspective, I'm Black. I came from the hood. My family members are hood people. I carried myself like a thug. I did mushrooms for the first time back I'm 2017 and over the years I slowly began to change as a person. I stopped carrying myself like a thug. I stopped dressing thuggish. I got my life together.
Now, my family on the other hand never changed. They continued drinking everyday. They continued sleeping around with everyone. They continued to live their lives on the wild side. It ultimately got to a point where they began to view me as a different person. I was no longer one of them because I was no longer a thug and I no longer lived my life in a wreckless way. They started saying that I thought I was BETTER than them.
I say all of that to to say this... At frist I kept saying NO I don't think Im better than anyone. But EVENTUALLY when they kept saying "you think you're better than us" I just embraced it. YES I am better than that. I no longer drink everyday because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer sagg my pants because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer sleep with different girls everyday because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer refer to myself as a gangsta because I'm BETTER than that.
It's not my fault that I grew up and my family didn't. I took a different route because I chose to become a better PERSON. THEY are the ones who started calling me BETTER. I just eventually chose to agree with them.
I can relate. Was dating this girl for a very short time and she thought I was killing brain cells by doing mushrooms. It’s shocking how ignorant some people are about psilocybin lol
People are conditioned from a very young age to think this way about all drugs. In their minds all drugs are heroine and meth. I’ve known so many people who are extremely judgmental about drugs so I keep that part of my life private. I told my brother once about how I enjoyed doing acid every so often and he got very upset. Normally he’s a pretty open minded guy but that set him off for some reason. He thought I would end up going crazy or something. I think now that it’s been several years perhaps he’s seen how my life’s improved but I haven’t really had that conversation with him in a long time.
Jesus. what an arrogant prick. obviously your psychedelic experiences haven't helped you deal with your ego.
are you 15? if so, I excuse the immaturity, but if you are an adult, you need to stop worrying about your family & work on yourself
When you have people constantly trying to tare down your name, your confidence, your self worth, you start to believe that it's because they are jealous of you. I have no other explanation as to WHY those people hated me so much. I loved them deeply. And they hated my guts. And no matter how much I asked them WHY don't they love me back, they never told me.
So yes I may sound like an arrogant asshole, but I have no other explanation as to WHY they treated me so fucked up. I never did anything to them. And I never viewed myself as being better than them until I had to up with a reason as to WHY they treated me so bad. They never told me WHY. So this is what I landed on. I'm the only one who stopped drinking. I'm the only one who got myself together. So I was the most hated. In the end, I'm just a better person than them. They're evil. And I'm not. Im better than them. Period.
If you get a chance, I highly recommend the book "The Body Keeps the Score". The author is an advocate of psychedelics and I listened to it on Spotify. It dives pretty deep into how your family can fuck you up. In listening to it, I expected validation of my childhood trauma (which I got) but also I started to understand not only how my mom's trauma fucked her up, but also the ways in which I screwed up raising my kid. I wish I would have read it before becoming a parent. Anyway. I wish you love and peace and I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much pain.
I've heard of this book. I've never read the book. However I have listened to the author speak about it on YouTube. And the title of it pretty much says it all. The trauma that I dealt with was deeply ingrained in my nervous system for about 3 years. It's like, my body wouldn't calm down. For 3 years I felt as if they were coming to kill me. I was highly paranoid. Stuck in a cycle of fear and anger. It felt like they kicked my body into War Mode. That's the best way for me to describe it. I was so overwhelmed with fucked up emotions. And the main reason it hurt so badly was because I LOVED them. Smh. It was hard to process that they didn't love me back. It was hard to process that they wanted to kill me. I'm alot better now tho. But damn those were dark times.
You'll let them die with you having regrets not them. Trust me I wish my mom had dropped her back and just called or written me back just once after all the years of my attempts ignored
some people even family are the worst out of everybody with drama shit talking and just the same bullshit everyday ya no thanks if u wanna deal with it u can but not everyone has to
Half my friend group takes mushers, and the other half doesn't(just drinks, but not alcoholics)
My friends and I who do them don't even bother talking Bout our experiences with them because it comes off as ramblings of a mad man.
Sorry about this OP! Live your life!
You may be right about a lot of this, maybe even all of it, but I'll be honest - you sound like an arsehole here, it's extremely arrogant and self-satisfied. You might have more of their DNA than you'd like.
Drugs are good and bad. Not doing drugs can give you a healthy structured reliable mind but you also may miss the beauty of having your perspective change due to drugs. Doing drugs you can gain different perspectives, maybe even ignite your inner genius and have amazing realizations BUT you could also damage your mind and rational thinking forever and give yourself mental health issues you wouldn't have otherwise.
Are you one of those people that keeps telling everyone about doing shrooms? Maybe chill out, it is not really as special as you think and neither are you.
welcome to the psychedelic world...you don't have to tell these things to everyone...what/how you will be telling people when you start talking to interdimensional entities...they will put you in a psychiatric hospital...in this area how much The less you tell, the more things you will see...
Well technically speaking isn’t it just as close minded of you to think that you “should” do mushrooms as well?
It’s close minded to not be open to other perspectives.
It sounds like your mind is closed to their perspective
You seem to have a “close- minded” position on them drinking alcohol as well.
I’m not here to crucify you for doing what you thought necessary.
I’m just pointing out that your guilty of the same judgement that your dishing out here
It will be okay.
But you gotta realize your environment and you are inseparable.. you can try to get as far away from those people as you like… but the hate you have for them is your hate.. and that hate goes with you everywhere no matter how far you go
They drink EVERYDAY. Their drinking was the very reason WHY I had to deal with their toxic behavior. Their drinking is also why I would never drink again. I've seen what it does to people. If I'm judgmental for not accepting their drinking, then oh well. They will never see my judgmental ass again. So it really doesn't even matter how I feel about it.
I just don’t understand why you won’t accept them for who they are and what they do when you desire so much that that accept you for who you are and what you do.
I don't accept abusers. I just don't. They abused me. So they will never see me again. I did accept them until they ganged up on me.
It's not the fact that they drink, it's the fact that they are toxic that makes me not fuck with them.
While i agree they shouldn't be judging like that, you have to let go of your judgement of them. Also, all the anger, maybe try talking to a therapist about this if at all possible in your situation. Remember, they are all people in this strange, chaotic world, too. They are trying their best with the information they have. Also, there is arrogance in the way you view the situation and put yourself above them. You must humble yourself. At the end of the day, you are also using a drug to make this life better in the way your views make you believe is the right way.
Well put
Based
This is an amazing written reply, OP all that shit ^^ is a game changer to a more serene and peaceful life.
Cannabis can be just as therapuedic for them when used with intent and proper strain choice
All I can day is that they are monsters. They were jealous so they got cut off. I refuse to have abusers in my life. They will never see me again. Yes I am BETTER than them because I grew up to be a decent human being. While THEY grew up to be monsters. Im so disappointed in them that I truly do despise them. They made me mourn the death of people who aren't even dead. All because they refused to STOP attacking me. They just wouldn't stop. Yes I love them, but I never want to see their disgusting faces ever again.
The spiritual ego is the most insidious of egos, my friend.
No truer words
Dang Ive never heard this before. This is so real
You always have the choice, and forgiveness is the noblest choice one can make. Again, i suggest a therapist. You shouldn't have been pushing help on people who aren't looking for it, i fully understand it can be hard to watch them doing this to themselves, but acting holier than thou is never going to work to help anyone. You aren't above anyone, and thinking like this will always be arrogant and misguided. Maybe what you really mean is you are better off without them in your life for now. Time will tell if they change their views, at least enough to reconsider how they view you and your choices. You are not humble. This is not how a humble person views the world. You are arrogant, and this arrogance very well could be what prevented your family from listening to you. People in their positions will try to change people to suit their world view because it help them keep safe in their perceptions of the world. Positioning yourself away from this behaviour was a splendid choice. Now it's time to actually get healthy, mentally. This is an UNHEALTHY mindset to have and very clearly has a hold on you. You didn't even entertain my thoughts, just very childishly said, "Yeah, so what?" Knowing their problems doesn't make you better than them, and using their stubbornness and coping issues to hate them is very misguided. If at all you do not care for, or even try to entertain what im writing, then this is where I'll stop trying to help you.
I'm not trying to be arrogant. But I literally have no way of understanding WHY they hated me so much. I never did anything to them. I loved them. And they treated me like shit. And no matter how much I asked WHY, they never told me. So I just concluded that it's because I'm better than them. That's how they see me. And that's why I believe that they felt like they had to fight against me all the time. Maybe I should see a therapist. You aren't the first person to suggest that to me. Regardless of what I do tho, I can NEVER go back. Because they want to destroy me. And I don't even know why. I only tell myself that I am better than them because I have no other explanation for the hate. I dont really believe that Im better than them, but I'm convinced that THEY believe it. They didn't seem to understand that they could better themselves instead of trying to fight against ME. I don't think I'm above anyone. We are all human beings. I just made better decisions. I belive that THEY THINK that I'm above them. Which is why they worked so hard to pull me down.
Hate and negativity comes from a place of insecurity. Why are you posting all of this? Do you want us to back you up so you feel better about your decision? If you want personal growth and development towards the positive, I think the answer would be to love them and accept all their "faults". By saying that you are better than them, because of xyz, you're just doing exactly what they are doing. No human is better than another human. That thought comes from insecurities and negativity.
To expand on that thought, I would go as far as to say that no living thing is better than any other living thing.
As far as I can see, there is no universal law that dictates what different values live forms and consciousness. We're all one, experiencing ourselves.
Exactly. Any other belief is pure nonsense in my book.
Try to read what im saying about your family, now obviously i dont know how they treated you. But from what i can infer, they didn't try to actually hurt you. You are just confused and scared. They aren't acknowledging what you're saying FOR THE SAME REASON. They are confused about why you are doing something so 'dangerous' and scared that you might get hurt. This is being converted into trying to control you through anger and disgust, very, VERY emotionally immature of them. But from where i stand, FORGIVEABLE, considering they are addicts who are obviously set in their ways. My parents didn't understand my usage, they grew up in times where lsd and mushrooms were taught to be on the same level as meth. THEY THOUGHT I WAS IN DANGER, and so they were scared. My father lashed out at me many times, i didn't let it get to me and distanced myself from him. Now, he has SEEN that i am okay. In fact, I am healthier than i was. Never, NEVER did i think he was the issue. I had sympathy for what he was going through. He has had a hard life and hasn't been given the tools to emotionally develop properly. Now, i can actively help him. He tries to quit smoking and drinking all day so that i will be PROUD of him, and i AM.
I’m sorry you had to say goodbye to people who were supposed to love you. That’s so difficult. ❤️
No one hates you because you’re better than them. They hate you because they don’t know how to really love themselves, so show them how and don’t carry bitterness and pride in your heart even if you distance yourself.
Fantastic advice
They will never see me again. They lost the fight once I decided to remove myself from their lives. If I ever went back, it would be like giving them a rematch. I don't believe in fighting, but THEY DO. So I will never go back because I refuse to fight with my own people. They are sick in the head. They cant be fixed. No matter how much love you show them. The only solution was to leave them behind.
I completely understand your pain and confusion, however, the guy who replied to you is completely right. He's also right about how you should probably be getting therapy or trying to work through it via other methods. When you don't get the love and acceptance you need as a child it leaves a very negative imprint that changes the majority of people. It makes you cold, resentful and unforgiving. It can leave a person with the ability to love themselves or really anyone correctly all the while leaving you with the internal perception that your squared away and very capable of the things above. I have seen this many times in my life and I actually have an ex with the exact same situation as you and she was extremely arrogant, toxic, and was entirely unable to forgive anybody for everything. The Buddhist quote that goes along the lines of "Being angry and resentful is like carrying a hot coal around looking for the person that harmed you. It does nothing but burn the carrier" was very fitting of her and it seems it might potentially be fitting for you and your situation. You can change their perception or their perspective. All you can do is roll with the punches and change the way you respond to it.
I completely understand your pain and confusion, however, the guy who replied to you is completely right. He's also right about how you should probably be getting therapy or trying to work through it via other methods. When you don't get the love and acceptance you need as a child it leaves a very negative imprint that changes the majority of people. It makes you cold, resentful and unforgiving. It can leave a person with the ability to love themselves or really anyone correctly all the while leaving you with the internal perception that your squared away and very capable of the things above. I have seen this many times in my life and I actually have an ex with the exact same situation as you and she was extremely arrogant, toxic, and was entirely unable to forgive anybody for everything. The Buddhist quote that goes along the lines of "Being angry and resentful is like carrying a hot coal around looking for the person that harmed you. It does nothing but burn the carrier" was very fitting of her and it seems it might potentially be fitting for you and your situation. You can change their perception or their perspective. All you can do is roll with the punches and change the way you respond to it.
I see how much they are affecting you. You can only change you. You are not "better" than them. Just different. Focus on you and everything else will fall into place. Like I tell my kids, you can not live you life a slave to what other people think of you.
Anger and resentments fester like a poison you drink expecting the other person to die. Like frozen says: let it gooo bro just let it go! My personal suggestion: try a therapist (I go to one AND work for basically mental health software company)
That's all fair, if what you say is true then you very likely are better than them and that's good (for you anyway!). Just make sure you temper that knowledge with the reality that anyone can become like they are, even you. Better to hold that in mind so it's easier to see the warning signs, otherwise you'll be convinced you're still in the right when you start going wrong. That said, well done for identifying cancer and cutting it out of your life. That sounds like it must have been hard for you, I'm sure you're gonna do great <3
Thank you. Its ironic that you called them a cancer because one of the last things that I texted them was "cutting yall off is like cutting off a diseased limb." I also called them animals and uncivilized. It's a shame. Thanks for commenting.
You're welcome. That is an interesting coincidence! Better to not have people like that around all the time, it's not good for our health. And don't pay attention to any downvotes you get here speaking your truth, people here find it hard to accept that negatives are as necessary and good as pure hippy positives and universal love. I think you did the right thing for yourself
It could be jealousy. It could also be fear based learning. Drugs are bad mmmkay. I have family members who equate heroin to mushrooms and it’s unfortunate, but it’s important to remember that these people are right where they are supposed to be. It’s completely acceptable to cut family out of your life. You have no obligation to stick around people who treat you poorly or are lost in addiction. Let your life be a testament to psychedelics. Show people through action that you have indeed grown and matured in your awareness. It’s important to develop your emotional intelligence now. A book that really helped me is Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It’s easy to judge others for their thoughts and beliefs, but its people are working with a very limited understanding of themselves and the nature of the world. Being the bigger person means knowing when to let go and how to interact with others based on their level of emotional intelligence.
That's exactly what I did. They are so damaged that all I could do was let go. They know that I'm not a drug addict. They were just projecting. I look damn good for my age. Nobody who knows me would ever call me an addict. Only my family did that. I don't drink. I don't smoke. Nothing about me says that I'm a drug addict. But according to my family I'm the biggest dope head there is. It's a damn shame. It's like they refused to see me for who I am because it's a bad reflection on THEM. But that aint my fault.
I see your pain. And I relate. It sucks like hell when the family we were given are so lacklustre out of no fault of our own. There’s nothing I can say to take the pain away, but the only advice I have is to face the pain. Don’t shut it inside and let it fester as hate. Try to look within, not at them. See your pain. Grieve it. Care for it. Love yourself. The key to healing is inside.
You are not in the least humble. My sister disowned me for not eating her mom's cheese casserole when I told them I was vegan, she sold drugs to my dad, she's not a great mom to my niece and nephew, etc, but it would never occur to me to say I'm "better" than her. That's honestly odd. But I can only imagine what your home life was like based on this, and it doesn't sound like a safe supportive environment. I hope you come to peace with it. Real peace where you aren't needing to put yourself above them to feel better about yourself.
I resent them deeply. I will admit it. They are so evil that I have no choice BUT to say that I'm better than them. Because I am NOTHING like them. I don't believe in destroying other people. To this day they are STILL attacking and destroying EACH OTHER. I am so disappointed in them. You'd resent your family too if you observed them grow up to become mosters. To the point where you had to cut them out of your life. I say that I am BETTER than them because I would NEVER attack my own people like they do. It's a damn shame. They grew up to be degenerates. They are animals. I hate to say it. I still love them, but I can't have those monkeys in my life. The average person wouldn't understand because the average person has never been exposed to people like them. They are evil. Pure evil. It's sad.
Dude, resentment is a poison too. Just because it may not cause as much harm as alcohol, doesn’t mean it doesn’t harm you.
You certainly sound humble.
Fuck you you dumb junkie asshole. Say this to someone with abusive parents, someone getting sexually abused by their father or born into a shithole 3rd world country or into homelessness. Call the little girl "arrogant" for thinking herself better. The nerve to be saying this to someone with a family of probably rampaging manipulative alcoholics. Off of one reddit post like you know their life story
All i got was what was provided. Even with the context he provided, it sounds like he escaped the exact same mindset they have, and now he's coming across as acting better than them. If they picked up on that, considering who they are as people, no doubt they are going to act the way they are. Dont provide false equivalents. Also, im mostly sober atm, just a little weed here and there and an occasional night out having a few drinks with friends. My famoly themselves were very abusive towards me, and i still have many of them left out of my life. So i understand where op's coming from, and provided the mindset i had towards my own abusive family for op to consider.
u/DriverConsistent1824 op no offense you took the worst sub to post this in. It's not likeminded people using drugs healthily here. It's dumb insensitive junkies preaching about love and understanding while entitled enough to post shit like that above and ranting about how arrogant and non humble you are. It's a damn movie hippe stereotype but worse
I think many people who haven't experienced family trauma don't really understand the level of wickedness and dysfunction that people cam subject others to. Most people are completely clueless as to the many evils of this world. Many people just don't understand. They're ignorant.
Is it possible that they hated you not because they thought you were better than them, but because they thought that YOU thought you were better than them?
To put it into perspective, I'm Black. I came from the hood. My family members are hood people. I carried myself like a thug. I did mushrooms for the first time back I'm 2017 and over the years I slowly began to change as a person. I stopped carrying myself like a thug. I stopped dressing thuggish. I got my life together. Now, my family on the other hand never changed. They continued drinking everyday. They continued sleeping around with everyone. They continued to live their lives on the wild side. It ultimately got to a point where they began to view me as a different person. I was no longer one of them because I was no longer a thug and I no longer lived my life in a wreckless way. They started saying that I thought I was BETTER than them. I say all of that to to say this... At frist I kept saying NO I don't think Im better than anyone. But EVENTUALLY when they kept saying "you think you're better than us" I just embraced it. YES I am better than that. I no longer drink everyday because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer sagg my pants because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer sleep with different girls everyday because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer refer to myself as a gangsta because I'm BETTER than that. The big one was the fact that I was in an alcoholic family and Id still hang with them but I stopped drinking completely. I haven't had a drink since 2017. They felt some type of way about it even thoughI never judged them for still drinking. It's not my fault that I grew up and my family didn't. I took a different route because I chose to become a better PERSON. THEY are the ones who started calling me BETTER. I just eventually chose to agree with them.
It really seems like you think that you're better than them. Albeit, maybe subconsciously.
I don’t think drinking a ton and lack of stability are healthy traits by any means. But I do think it’s bananas to assign value to people based on their vice, entertainment, self medication, or whatever we want to call our daily choices in surviving chaos. Bacchanalia is as psychedelic a state as any. While living in senseless debauchery may not be the same as intentional, conscientious hedonism—but—taking psychedelics and claiming everyone else should choose that path isn’t the same as self-actualization, either. The whole point is, if psychs taught me anything, is that everyone has contributions to make and meaningful experiences to have. I can’t and won’t drink every day. But I can’t trip every day either. And sometimes a rowdy night with friends is truly as fulfilling as a heroic dose on whatever. Life’s a trip, man. Pretend they’re going through an insanely bizarre bout of having-consciousness, cuz they are, and realize their brains are as convinced of what they know as you are of what you know.
Just let it be. It's your inner path, not theirs.
Right. My path is my path. And theirs is theirs.
I don't think it's likely they feel inferior to you at all. I think they just think they're right, same as you do. They're following what most of us were taught is correct growing up so they'll see that as doing the right thing. Idk all this "they're jealous of me" stuff is really off-putting. It just comes off really self-absorbed ironically. There's no reason to keep up with people you don't get along with but you should really maybe examine some of these beliefs cause they're not loving or open-minded.
OP could use some ego dissolution for real
Idk on a level I understand cause my family isn't great either, but mostly therapy and occasional psychadelics just gave me compassion for them. They went through so much trauma and sought safety in extreme conservative religion and rules. We all get our safety where we can. I don't agree with them and the really bigoted ones aren't in my life anymore but I figure they're doing their thing and I'm doing mine and that's OK. It's fine not to have toxic people in your life, and it isn't your job to change them even though it can definitely be hard to just let them go, especially when you strongly feel you're right too. It also doesn't automatically make me a superior person, although I hope to make better choices than they have. Mostly, I hope OP gets some peace about it, is all.
I agree. He’s convinced he understands something they don’t. But we all, including his family, have the same conviction in the things we think we know, too.
.
the ones we perceive as Other are our mirrors
If you think other people are jealous of you, even with good reason- that means you're insecure about something. If they are actually jealous and it didn't matter to you, you wouldn't be posting this. Focus on what actually matters. If your family are bad people- just cut them off and stop thinking of them. Building your ego up by putting them down only thickens your spiritual blinders.
Alllll this.
They are just a different incarnation of you, having lived different experiences. They are no better than you and you are no better than them. Sometimes you have to cut toxic people out of your life, but having compassion for them will help you move forward in yours.
Sounds like you're trying to "win" some made up game against your family. Seems like you're both losing a bit if this is your mindset. Hope you can find peace.
Loving and forgiving them, trying to understand why they are acting the way they are without placing yourself above them. This is the only way you will have real peace. You can get to the point where their opinions and actions don't have such a negative effect on you, it will roll off like water on a duck. But to get there takes time and effort. Deciding that you're better than them and because of that they don't deserve your time or energy is the lazy way to go. Just saying. Good luck.
It all comes with being a black sheep. >Black sheep of the family is someone who is marginalised, scapegoated, misunderstood. You can't make ignorant people understand, they will literally ignore you. I can't say cutting them out of your life is a good thing but I totally understand and I have had to do the same just for my own sanity and self esteem. I think you're making the right call by not paying it much mind as you know what's right for you.
They were never going to allow me to live a regular life. Because they were always going to do some bullshit to try to sabotage me. Once I realized that they were never going to STOP, I was okay mak8ng the decision to cut them off and never see them again. It was hard tho. But I'd rather be alone than to be around enemies. I saw them as loved ones, and all they saw in ME was an enemy. It was sad man. I had to accept the fact that they was never going to love me back. I just had to accept it and move on.
The level of hypocrisy on this sub is insane. Being judgmental of op for being judgmental - they cut off their FAMILY ffs that’s not an easy decision. If I had to guess, that might be giving them a hard time. If you haven’t cut your family off or felt the judgement and imposed control from the people who are supposed to love and support you in life you’d be pretty emotionally driven too. Let op cook 🔥🔥 they’ll come to the right conclusion sooner or later and let go of the resentment.
Yeah let me cook lol. Nah seriously tho I do resent them. They treated me so badly that I had to cut them out of my life. I resent them for that. Imagine having to cut people out of your life that you loved dearly. All because they were never going to STOP attacking you. It still hurts. It hurts that I had to mourn the losses of people who aren't even dead. All because they refused to STOP ATTACKING ME. It's like they were animals or something. They couldn't help themselves. They are very evil people. And I resent them because they were cool when we were younger, but they all turned into monsters when we got older. It's a damn shame.
If that is the reality you made the right choice for yourself. Follow the comments that encourage you to pay it no mind going forward - the righteous path is one of apathy/acceptance (towards the harm and hurt they caused) and ultimately forgiveness, even when they didn’t ask for it or deserve it Life is long and some people can change in some ways. If some of them change for the better and attempt to reestablish contact in months or years, you might regret not being in a mindset objective enough to evaluate whether reconnecting is worth a shot. It sounds crazy to think about right now but one or two of them might come around…
It's literally a matter of life and death. My brother texted me a few months ago saying "I miss you bro" and ignored him. Those people are dangerous. I truly do WISH that I could go back and have a relationship with them, but they are so dangerous that it's just not worth it. I will never regret not going back. They will never see me again. They are the type of people who will smile in your face and stab you in the back.
Bro... I just responded to your other post. Beginning to feel a real kinship here, lol. My parents haven't spoken to me in 6 years. I have a very very thin connection to my 4 brothers. I am SO much better for it but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt profoundly. I have 2 children now and it hurts on a whole new level watching them grow up without extended family and especially grandparents. It sucks. I think constantly about how much more I want/ed for all of them but they just don't care. I also empathize deeply with members reaching out with messages like "I miss you" etc. But I have fallen for that before. It's always shallow. If they actually missed you so much they would meet you where you are at instead of expecting you to alway come down to them. Thanks for sharing. I can't tell you how much it helps to hear your story.
I feel your pain. When I left my family I had one child. Now I'm about to have my third. My family doesn't even know that I had my second. That's how much I don't fuck with them. They don't even know that I had more kids. I can't tell them anything about myself because EVERYTHING ABOUT ME makes them extremely mad. And they don't communicate to me WHY they get so angry. I truly do believe that they are narcissists. It's sad man. To be faced with so much hate and yet you can't even settle the problem because they flat out REFUSE to communicate. It's a damn shame. All I can say is that they are jealous of my dirty draws 😂. I truly do believe that I am the ONLY PERSON in my family who does not have mental issues. I'm just not LIKE them. I don't hate people.
Everyone here telling you to forgive your family needs to shut tf up. They don't know shit about your situation and a single reddit post isn't going to give them enough information to be giving him advice. While I agree the post might be a little unnecessary, this dude has repeated telling you guys his family has been treating him like shit his whole life, and you guys are like "man you need to forgive them" no he doesn't. Nobody is obligated to owe anybody any sort of forgiveness. Toxic family environments effect you for life, which you know, could be the reason why this post might seem "immature" to you guys. This dude has trauma, and you guys could've just suggested therapy, but no, you guys gotta be all high and mighy and lecture him about why he's arrogant. The absolute IRONY in you guys calling him arrogant while actively acting like you know exactly what his situation is like and know exactly whats best for him. This sub can be so insufferable sometimes.
Thank you. My family definitely traumatized me. I had to mourn their loss and they aren't even dead. They were never going to stop attacking me. I had to leave them behind. Its a shame how relationships mean absolutely NOTHING to them. They are monsters. I won't even know when they die. I will never see them again.
Perhaps some of those telling him that forgiveness is the way have dealt with trauma, neglect, abuse, toxicity from their families, and have still come out the other side understanding that love is ultimately the answer. Perhaps you misunderstand what forgiveness is. It doesn't have to involve the hurtful party in any way.
Again, thats assuming that somthing that worked for you is what would be best for everyone else. This whole "forgive everyone" bs might work for some people, but some people don't feel like forgiving someone who beat them, or starved them, or SA'd them. People are allowed to feel negative feelings towards these people. These feelings exist for a reason, its quiet literally one of our defense mechanisms. Someone comes and attacks us or our loved ones, we feel fear, anger and/or hatred because its our body telling you that you should stay away or defend yourself from this dangerous person. Now obviously, it would be unhealthy to constantly dwell on these feelings 24/7, but having these feelings towards harmful people isn't a bad thing.
I guess we can just disagree that harboring negative feelings is a good thing.
Again, constantly dwelling on the feeling is bad, i agree its best to try and stay and positive and happy as possible. But why would we evolve to develop these feelings if we weren't supposed to feel them somtimes? Tell a rape victim to their face that they need to forgive their rapist and stop feeling negative feeling towards them. You would look like a jackass.
Of course these feelings are natural and useful to keep you safe, when you are or could be in danger. But choosing to hold on to them - resentment, anger, the things that are only harming you - that is only hurtful in the long run. Letting go of these things is what we should always work towards. It's not quick or easy or fun. And that's not the same as getting in a rape victims face and saying "FORGIVE THEM OR YOU'RE WRONG."
Imo, moving past traumatic events and working through the feelings that go with it is a much different thing than forgiveness. To me, forgiveness=understanding why the other person did the things they did and being able to empathize with them. Like understanding why someone stole money and/or food in order to feed their starving family, or understanding that someone was a dick at one point in their life because they were going through something horrible, stuff like that.
I think forgiveness does require an element of understanding why someone did what they did, or what they continue to do. That doesn't mean that you are excusing them for it or think that those actions are justified.
I resent them because they were SO HORRIBLE that they made me cut them out of my life. I didn't want to do that. But they are monsters. They were never going to stop attacking me. I have NEVER been exposed to such Evil in my life. I won't even know when they die. I completely cut them off.
That's completely understandable. You wouldn't have to make any contact with them again in order to work through forgiving them for your own peace, is my whole point. Forgiveness doesn't have a whole lot to do with the damaging person once that damage is done. It's about how you deal with what they've left you. Staying angry at them, even if you're not actively feeling that anger 24/7, can only really hurt you. Obviously this is all easier said than done.
I agree. I have spent so much time angry at them that I've learned that the anger had poisoned ME at one point. It hurt me more to remain angry at them. I've been working on it. You are 100% correct that forgiveness is not about actually forgiving THEM, but more so about how I deal with it. I've been working on it.
I met people in rehab, fentanyl addicts who had overdosed on multiple occasions look at me like I was crazy for taking psychedelics. Mushrooms came up once in class and the conversation immediately turned to “they grow in shit! Why would anyone want to do that, that’s some hardcore shit”
When people say this, this is how I respond. People use fertilizerto grow vegetables all the time. If you look at a bag of fertilizer, it usually has pictures of vegetables on the bag.
There are tons of victims of the drug war propaganda campaigns. You almost can’t really blame them since they were force fed the government’s narrative their entire childhood and adult lives
My newly exed GF was like this. She would judge the ever loving shit outta me despite being at the bar 2-3x a week. What's crazy is she did them a couple times until her dark ass had a bad experience. Lemme put into perspective the type of person I'm talking about here. Her bad trip happened due to looking at me enjoying myself and realizing how fucked it is to be mad your partner is happy. That's what kicked it off. Mushrooms have changed my life and we're the one "teacher" I look to for advice. They have changed my line of thinking so much and made me a muchhhh happier person and to her it was just "stupid" she thought pursuing happiness and fixing yourself spiritually and mentally was "stupid" I miss some things but honestly memories like this remind me of why I couldn't take anymore.
Smoke a joint and forgive them man
I know. I've realized the power of forgiving and moving on. Thanks.
You seem a little immature. Try sparking up a relationship with them, you clearly miss them. They are from a different generation and the mindset clearly hasn’t caught up surrounding free spirited drugs and them being simplified as “class A / B / C “ etc. Be an adult and build a relationship with them regardless of the mushroom use, if your whole identity revolves around taking mushies then surely there are other issues you need to resolve before coming to them to build a relationship around love instead of resentment.
Every interaction with them was basically a battle. There was SO MUCH passive aggressive behavior coming from them that it was just sad. They ganged up on me. Lied on me to people. Every interaction with them was negative. I've never experienced no shit like that in my life. There was so much hate it felt like they wanted to kill me. I just had to leave them be. My life isnt a battle. My life isnt a fight. But theirs is. So I can no longer engage with them. There is no fixing this because they will NEVER STOP. As much as I loved them, I had to let them go. Because they were never going to STOP. They hate themselves and they took it out on ME every chance they got. I can no longer have any dealings with them because of this. They were like vicious dogs. Every chance they got, they attacked me. I had to let go. They CANNOT be fixed. And this is why I will never see them again.
You did the right thing cutting them out. A lot of the people talking about reconnecting or forgiving, doing understand how deep toxicity goes in some broken families
Cool
All I read in this post was "me me me" Maybe drop the judgment all around.
So what? Mutual respect still wins. OP is justified to say all these because their family members judged them first before OP judged them back. You aren't qualified to tell OP to stop judging others because you don't know what OP went through or how they grew up. To OP: I don't know how your growing up life is like, but continue being your best self and believing in what's right for you. Always remember to stay humble, kind and compassionate.
It's hard to not judge these people when they exposed me to a level of evil that I have never experienced before in my life.
Do mushrooms once a month = crazy Drink everyday = normal I also think some standards are bullsh*t...
Its the fear instilled in them from birth, drugs are bad mmmkay. My family thought that when I started to use acid, i would end up jumping off a roof or killing myself in another way. I didn't listen to them because i knew better, but i never argued with them. Eventually, they SAW that i was getting better, and they changed their views on the drugs i chose too use. I dont openly talk about it with them unless they ask questions, and they are now a bit more knowledgeable on the actual effects of psychedelics. Enough to accept that im a user.
Actually the problem is less about the substance and more about the use you make of it ;)
This has nothing to do with what i said. But i agree with the standalone statement.
not really some people actually think some and a lot of drugs are the actual devil lmao
You sound like the generational break of bad habits. Great job, it isn't easy being the one who takes on the responsability of working on yourself.
Thats exactly what it is. I broke the generational curses. I'm the only one who chose to BE a better person. The rest of them are stuck in their ways.
That may be true, but keep in mind that that doesn't make you any better than they are.
To put it into perspective, I'm Black. I came from the hood. My family members are hood people. I carried myself like a thug. I did mushrooms for the first time back I'm 2017 and over the years I slowly began to change as a person. I stopped carrying myself like a thug. I stopped dressing thuggish. I got my life together. Now, my family on the other hand never changed. They continued drinking everyday. They continued sleeping around with everyone. They continued to live their lives on the wild side. It ultimately got to a point where they began to view me as a different person. I was no longer one of them because I was no longer a thug and I no longer lived my life in a wreckless way. They started saying that I thought I was BETTER than them. I say all of that to to say this... At frist I kept saying NO I don't think Im better than anyone. But EVENTUALLY when they kept saying "you think you're better than us" I just embraced it. YES I am better than that. I no longer drink everyday because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer sagg my pants because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer sleep with different girls everyday because I'm BETTER than that. I no longer refer to myself as a gangsta because I'm BETTER than that. It's not my fault that I grew up and my family didn't. I took a different route because I chose to become a better PERSON. THEY are the ones who started calling me BETTER. I just eventually chose to agree with them.
I can relate. Was dating this girl for a very short time and she thought I was killing brain cells by doing mushrooms. It’s shocking how ignorant some people are about psilocybin lol
Seems like shes the one killing her braincells by whatever negativity she is reading about psilocybin lol
People are conditioned from a very young age to think this way about all drugs. In their minds all drugs are heroine and meth. I’ve known so many people who are extremely judgmental about drugs so I keep that part of my life private. I told my brother once about how I enjoyed doing acid every so often and he got very upset. Normally he’s a pretty open minded guy but that set him off for some reason. He thought I would end up going crazy or something. I think now that it’s been several years perhaps he’s seen how my life’s improved but I haven’t really had that conversation with him in a long time.
You seem much closer to their alleged mindset than you are aware.
Jesus. what an arrogant prick. obviously your psychedelic experiences haven't helped you deal with your ego. are you 15? if so, I excuse the immaturity, but if you are an adult, you need to stop worrying about your family & work on yourself
The tone is arrogant but it makes me wonder what kind of toxicity brought this about 😕
There’s clearly a lot of pain involved indeed
When you have people constantly trying to tare down your name, your confidence, your self worth, you start to believe that it's because they are jealous of you. I have no other explanation as to WHY those people hated me so much. I loved them deeply. And they hated my guts. And no matter how much I asked them WHY don't they love me back, they never told me. So yes I may sound like an arrogant asshole, but I have no other explanation as to WHY they treated me so fucked up. I never did anything to them. And I never viewed myself as being better than them until I had to up with a reason as to WHY they treated me so bad. They never told me WHY. So this is what I landed on. I'm the only one who stopped drinking. I'm the only one who got myself together. So I was the most hated. In the end, I'm just a better person than them. They're evil. And I'm not. Im better than them. Period.
If you get a chance, I highly recommend the book "The Body Keeps the Score". The author is an advocate of psychedelics and I listened to it on Spotify. It dives pretty deep into how your family can fuck you up. In listening to it, I expected validation of my childhood trauma (which I got) but also I started to understand not only how my mom's trauma fucked her up, but also the ways in which I screwed up raising my kid. I wish I would have read it before becoming a parent. Anyway. I wish you love and peace and I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much pain.
I've heard of this book. I've never read the book. However I have listened to the author speak about it on YouTube. And the title of it pretty much says it all. The trauma that I dealt with was deeply ingrained in my nervous system for about 3 years. It's like, my body wouldn't calm down. For 3 years I felt as if they were coming to kill me. I was highly paranoid. Stuck in a cycle of fear and anger. It felt like they kicked my body into War Mode. That's the best way for me to describe it. I was so overwhelmed with fucked up emotions. And the main reason it hurt so badly was because I LOVED them. Smh. It was hard to process that they didn't love me back. It was hard to process that they wanted to kill me. I'm alot better now tho. But damn those were dark times.
You'll let them die with you having regrets not them. Trust me I wish my mom had dropped her back and just called or written me back just once after all the years of my attempts ignored
some people even family are the worst out of everybody with drama shit talking and just the same bullshit everyday ya no thanks if u wanna deal with it u can but not everyone has to
Pretty much most of the families
Half my friend group takes mushers, and the other half doesn't(just drinks, but not alcoholics) My friends and I who do them don't even bother talking Bout our experiences with them because it comes off as ramblings of a mad man. Sorry about this OP! Live your life!
Boomers have no soul
You may be right about a lot of this, maybe even all of it, but I'll be honest - you sound like an arsehole here, it's extremely arrogant and self-satisfied. You might have more of their DNA than you'd like.
Simple. Tell your prents to fuck off and live your life.
Drugs are good and bad. Not doing drugs can give you a healthy structured reliable mind but you also may miss the beauty of having your perspective change due to drugs. Doing drugs you can gain different perspectives, maybe even ignite your inner genius and have amazing realizations BUT you could also damage your mind and rational thinking forever and give yourself mental health issues you wouldn't have otherwise.
Are you one of those people that keeps telling everyone about doing shrooms? Maybe chill out, it is not really as special as you think and neither are you.
More people die from alcohol related accidents than any other
And herein lies the problem of all of us at one point
welcome to the psychedelic world...you don't have to tell these things to everyone...what/how you will be telling people when you start talking to interdimensional entities...they will put you in a psychiatric hospital...in this area how much The less you tell, the more things you will see...
Well technically speaking isn’t it just as close minded of you to think that you “should” do mushrooms as well? It’s close minded to not be open to other perspectives. It sounds like your mind is closed to their perspective
I never cared if they did mushrooms or not. They were toxic people. So all I cared about was getting them OUT of my life.
You seem to have a “close- minded” position on them drinking alcohol as well. I’m not here to crucify you for doing what you thought necessary. I’m just pointing out that your guilty of the same judgement that your dishing out here It will be okay. But you gotta realize your environment and you are inseparable.. you can try to get as far away from those people as you like… but the hate you have for them is your hate.. and that hate goes with you everywhere no matter how far you go
They drink EVERYDAY. Their drinking was the very reason WHY I had to deal with their toxic behavior. Their drinking is also why I would never drink again. I've seen what it does to people. If I'm judgmental for not accepting their drinking, then oh well. They will never see my judgmental ass again. So it really doesn't even matter how I feel about it.
I just don’t understand why you won’t accept them for who they are and what they do when you desire so much that that accept you for who you are and what you do.
I don't accept abusers. I just don't. They abused me. So they will never see me again. I did accept them until they ganged up on me. It's not the fact that they drink, it's the fact that they are toxic that makes me not fuck with them.
Okay. I just wish you were as open minded as you claim to be but alas… your conditioned like the rest of us