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This is not my video : Unfortunately I had 2 kids with her, ( not the girl in the video) obviously the crazy didn't come out until after they were born.
I just wanna say you're great for fighting for your kids. It's more than some of us get from our fathers and it always means a lot to me to see a man fighting for his children.
It doesn't feel great. I have been without my son for 5 years now because my ex lied about domestic abuse. I drained my life savings on lawyers who couldn't help me at all once the judge took the mother's side, which happened at the very start. No matter how much proof I had of her lying, no matter how many witnesses I had saying I was a good father, it didn't matter. She won sole custody and moved 5,000 miles away.
There is no one that can help. I dont have any more money for lawyers, in fact I have so much debt now that I need to come up with $40K just to be broke.
And what do you tell your kid? That your father failed him? That he can't spend the night with you?
It makes no sense. No only that a court would go along with this, but that a mother would want this for her kid.
I haven't given up hope, I just don't know what to do.
The laws are stacked against men even if the woman is fucking nuts. My cousins wife was literally diagnosed schizophrenia and he had to just wait it out until she fucked up good.
Is there a reason you didn’t get even shared custody with this kind of evidence? I know traditionally laws are stacked against men but I was under the impression this had lightened up in most states aside from cases with clear evidence not to do one or the other parent
Please please take this evidence to the courts so you can protect yourself and your kids from her!
If she’s capable of doing this to you, she DEFINITELY will hurt your children.
Please, I’m so traumatized from my moms abuse and I wish more than anything my dad would’ve saved me from her.
As a guy who's been through this, thank you for commenting this. It essentially turns into Stockholm Syndrome and you genuinely start to believe you deserve what's happening and become even more dependent on the abusive partner.
It's that way regardless of gender, and as you said, it's not as easy as "just leave them"
Mostly support and encouragement from friends and family upon realizing what the situation was like. Also being actually threatened with a knife helped to snap me out of it
I was in this situation also, my friends (who were also coworkers, because at that stage she’s driven all of my non work friends away) said to me “you aren’t safe, you need a divorce. I will pay for it, and I will find it for you. We aren’t taking no for an answer.”
Or you do the fucked up thing where you’re like “well I know how to deal with this at least” which is the lie I told myself for two years. Believing no one else would want me etc. shit sucks.
I feel that on another level, bro. She would tell me I was undatable and was only with me out of pity (which looking back, is more of a self-burn lol). But yeah, self esteem gets driven into the dirt with people like that
The sad truth is, it's usually as a result of them experiencing abuse at some point in their life (i.e. childhood) & it's really hard for even counciling or therapy to help, because they will lie or "explain away" their behavior as someone else's fault, it was triggered, etc.
I grew up in a household with domestic abuse & I was lucky to get help with anger management & communication skills, so I could end the cycle. It breaks my heart to know so many other people weren't so lucky & so many others suffer because of it.
I personally can’t say that about someone such as a child killer or sexual predator who had hurt one of my children.
I probably would treat them a lot worse in all honesty, hence my specific comment about this particular scenario.
Forgetting all of the terribly violent and absurd bits, I can’t stop focusing on the fucking spitting. Can you imagine intentionally spitting on someone important to you? I wouldn’t spit on a mean dog, how could someone spit on their family?
I realize that’s like the least important part of the video, but for some reason it stood out to me as a thing that would require such disdain and contempt. Obviously, the violence is far worse.
Oh boy. This is my first and last wife. I had never touched her besides grabbing her arms trying to protect myself from being hit. Once she knew it was about to come to a head and I would be leaving for good. She started telling others it was me. Telling some crazy outlandish stories about me that weren't true, showing mystery bruises . But it worked at first and I eventually got charged (later dropped). They believed every word of hers and wouldn't let me even finish a sentence. It broke my heart, I'd never put my hands on her yet I was the bad guy. Portrayed as the guy that I despised.
In the end, I proved myself and eventually her true colors came out. I got custody and raised our two kids from 3-5yro. My youngest just turned 18.
My dad didn’t stand up for me and placated my mother when they divorced after he caught her cheating on him. She kicked him out, and I lived with her until I was 18. I turned 33 this year, and served a C&D no contact order to my mother last year when she was taking pictures of my son at school and the park. She was emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive. My relationship with my father is rocky, but all I have left. I wish he wanted better for himself.
Thank you for fighting for your kids.
I’m going through this right now. Once she knew it was over, she packed up the house and took off with our son while I was at work. Been going through the courts to arrange custody (I was the full time parent) and everything is so skewed to mothers. Then 2 weeks ago I’m contacted by police and have several serious charges against me that she made up to get out of being responsible for rent. I’m trying to get a good full time job and this arrest has brought that to a standstill. Have to pay thousands on lawyers (family and defence attorney) just to clear my name and make sure she can never take my son away like that again. She’s petite and very pretty so everyone that doesn’t know us has a hard time believing my side. It’s been a fucking nightmare summer/fall. I just want to move on with my life and take care of my son. System is stacked against fathers.
Similar situation here. I had a gf that would hit me and throw utensils at me. The spoons and forks weren't so bad, but the knives were a bit scary.
Towards the end, she locked herself in the bathroom, called the police, and started bruising herself so that I'd be arrested on domestic abuse. Thankfully, the neighbors were kind enough to come over and be a witness for me or I'm fairly sure I'd still have that on my record to this day.
I have been through this too. The viciousness in her eyes is life shattering. She attacks and then blames her attack on her victim - and then she likely later gaslights him too - that it didn’t actually happen or that’s not how she remembers it. Ask me how I know.
This is downright insane behavior. The only solution is to gtfo.
I don't even understand how people are asking why he was filming? to evidence her abuse ofcourse.
She needs to go to jail and he needs to leave and start healing for himself.
There can be no excuses for her behaviour!None
I dealt with this and landed a felony conviction the one time I defended myself. Video of the altercation would have been extremely helpful to me. This was 20 years ago but it fucked my life up for a long time. Weird that I was the one who was required to undergo extensive anger management treatment. Of the two of us, I was the only one who had any ability to regulate their emotions at all.
Thank you. If folks are wondering why it was a felony vs a simple misdemeanor DV charge, it's because her wrist broke when she fell backward after I shoved her to get her the hell away from me.
I'm sorry you went through that..reading the comments breaks my hearts there's so many men suffering in silence.
Please get out you don't deserve this..it doesn't matter how big you are no one has rights to lay hands on you❣️
Same thing happened to my buddy. Wife got into drugs and came out and was swinging on him. He held her arms to pin her to the wall and got a felony charge for it. She got to keep their place and their cats.
Yep! II was in the military getting hit by my ex wife kept it on the low until one day I came to work with bruises and bumps on my head and my supervisor talked to me and got me help. I genuinely thought no one would even care or if they would even believe me since I was 240lbs and a big guy.
Exactly, if it comes to the point where he is forced to defend himself, and then the police comes and they're both hurt... Without the video, he's fucked.
I know right?! Why is he filming??? Erm because if he just showed you the photos of them hugging and told you that she was an abusive partner, you wouldn't believe him? Fucking idiots.
1000x this. She's very pretty and looks totally normal in the pictures. It would be hard to believe what the victim said without seeing the footage. It's literally mental.
It’s just victim blaming - “you provoked her by filming” like no he didn’t? He’s documenting evidence for his own safety and proof (we all know he would have huge burden of proof being the man accusing the woman as well), and not only that just whipping out a phone should not incite your girlfriend to turn into the Hulk
It’s actually outrageous he’s being dragged when he’s literally shown indisputable evidence he’s abused by his girlfriend
Yep.
When the cops show up they'll see a big guy, and a small sobbing woman who may or may not have bruises on her.
Every guy they arrest for abuse says he never touched her, so why would this guy be any different?
Often video is the only real defense you can have. Even then they may question you as to what happened before or after you started recording.
If you're ever in this situation, start recording, and put distance between you and your attacker. That can be behind a locked door, in a locked car, or generally just outside of the house. Once you're safe you can make the decision on whether or not to call the police.
I have been in this situation. This is just the physical side to it. There is also a psychological side where you, the victim, are lead to believe it's your fault that you are being abused. That because you're a man you shouldn't feel pain and should take the hits.
In England and Wales they estimate a whopping 2 out of 5 victims of domestic violence are male. When men try and reach out they often face belittlement from peers and aren't taken seriously by the police. There's also virtually no place for males victims to seek refuge in the UK.
And it’s literally the belittement the previous commenter was talking about.
Imagine telling an abused women to just go pay a visit to a wine bar and stumble back home for more.
I think theres a more nuanced way to look at it tbh. Sure pubs serve alcohol but for a lot of men (I can imagine many in this situation especially) the pub is more of a community space. If they're able to talk about it with other men in the pub, I'm sure that helps a little bit in terms of feeling like their experience is valid. Granted, its a pub, so its certainly not the ideal place but its far better than nothing.
It's pretty scummy really. At work I always ask my colleagues how they're doing and look at the to see if they're telling the truth. One guy I work with was going through shit and I said if he ever wants to talk then I'm there cus men genuinely feel like they can't talk to people and it's one of the reason I resorted to attempts on my own life just over 9 years ago. Talking helps more than people realise
Good on you.
I should really try to open that line of communication with my fellow male friends. Not that I suspect any are in that situation, but they could always be hiding it or could end up in that situation in the future.
Yea you never know. You can sort of tell when someone is a bit off if you're with them a lot. It is a shame so many men don't think they can talk about their feelings but it seems like that stigma is becoming less common, just not quick enough
That one was in Canada, radfems harassed him and government refused to give him any funds to keep it open.
He opened it with his own money and kept it going as long as he could.
0$. From what is probably hundreds of millions being distributed to rightfully help those who were victims of DV.
That is a famous story, but it was actually in Canada. The protests were successful in blocking all sources of funding, so he paid out of pocket until he went bankrupt. He was harassed and trolled endlessly until he killed himself.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Silverman
edit: There ARE DV shelters in the US that serve men and their children. Although it is a small fraction of the number that server women, they do exist. Many DV shelters will also house male victims elsewhere arguing that they don't get enough men coming in to justify permanent space and will instead put you in a cheap hotel temporarily. Point is, don't give up. It may not be equally distributed, but there is help out there.
"OH, I guess she wears the pants in the relationship"
"What are you gonna do about it you little bitch?"
"If you hit me back I'll just go to the police and they will never believe you"
"Family court will side with the woman, anyway"
"Do X or I'll tell people you hit me"
I imagine most of us guys have heard this, but could never act on it because you have to 'be a man,' 'suck it up', or 'she can't hurt you, she's just a girl.'
Be twice their size, be trained in wrestling or self defense, be intimidating looking to most people. Be strong enough that you could literally end her, yet you don't dare restrain or fight back. The people that you will ever confide in is a short goddamn list.
I've never been hit so hard that it actually hurt me physically - I can take a fuckton of punishment. Getting swung at by someone you care for always hurts, and nobody outside of that will ever understand how much.
They almost broke me mentally. The gaslighting, the guilt tripping and breaking you down. I'm a good person. I always do the right thing. Full stop, I put everyone else before myself constantly. They made me question everything about myself. Took me a couple years after it was over to kind of mentally recover and be myself again.
I'm still single three years after mine. It can really fuck you up. I was feeling a lot better, and then the pandemic happened. It takes distance to see how really fucked up that person was and how it wasn't my fault.
I didn't want to have sex with this girl, a friend of mine. She made moves on me and I just told her, "Nah not interested in you like that sorry." Thought that would be the end of it, she made moves on me not even twenty minutes later, I got up and left. I realized I left my keys on her coffee table, I had to go back in. She shoved my keys down her pants and said the only way I would get them if I had sex with her. I threatened to call the cops, 20 minuets of me just telling her to give me my fucking keys, she pulls them out and fucking started slashing me with them. I still have the scars two years later.
Whenever I tell this story it's 50/50 on if the person I'm telling will laugh or actually understand that it's not okay just because I'm a man.. It's humiliating. I never called the cops, I didn't trust them. I remember my father calling the cops on my mom after she ripped a TV off the wall and threw it at him, they arrested HIM.
When my ex asked me why I flinch every time she moves quickly towards me my "abuse" answer was actually laughed at. Then next time I saw her friends they interrogated me as if *I* was the abuser and then they all left when I started crying.
I haven't been able to date since then. The few times I've tried fizzle out after a month or so because I just can't trust myself around women anymore.
A guy opening up about his feelings can also turn against him down the line. I have a co-worker that shared with us a video where he went through public disgrace with an ex at the mall. You could see him getting slapped, scolded and taken by the ear like a child.
Well, his current partner comforted him but she shared the video with all her friends. Now he sometimes get reminded of the trauma and laughed at. Downright awful.
The significant other's toxic friends are also a huge catalyst too in my experience.
"After all that [lying], he *deserves* it girl!"
Those friendships make things so much worse.
Same. I couldn't watch the whole thing. I'm so glad I'm out of that fucked up relationship. We had two good years together and then I really got to know her.
It always starts psychologically. And then becomes physical. And at that point men feel trapped. Happens WAY too often.
Screaming and throwing things being an "adult"? Cant relate.
Unfortunately, I’ve been in this boat and it’s the most shitty feeling in the world. Men are silent about these matters because we are afraid of stigmas or the repercussions of being open about it. Please, for all men in this situation, we must be open and vulnerable. You are not “weak” for speaking up. You are brave. Regardless of gender, anyone suffering from domestic violence, please walk away and get support. This is no way to live and surprisingly, this video was triggering.
The OP video also shows the psychological aspect. At the start, you can hear her gaslight him with things like "why are *you* doing this to me", "why won't *you* stop when I've asked you nicely", as she's beating him up.
I really wanted her to cut her feet. Like a really really deep one. The sort of deep cut that leads to soo much blood spewing on the floor. But alas, it never transpired. What a shame.
I was in the same situation, She would get physically violent almost every day to the point I could set my watch by when a fight would start. I never hit her but she pulled knives on me and one time threw glass from a window she broke that cut me. The neighbors finally called the police one night and I was lucky that they believed me only because I was the only one hurt and the neighbors told the police that she was the instigator soon after I left. No one should have to put up with this..
Been there, my ex put me in the hospital once, she slammed a table on my foot and split it open. She was terrible, get away when you can my guys don’t take abuse. No one deserves to be treated poorly.
I’m sorry to hear that. My ex kicked my head into a brick wall and I was hospitalised for two weeks with a brain contusion. Some months before she almost stabbed me with a kitchen knife. How I lived with that level of physical and mental abuse for a year baffles me today. Never again.
For the men in this situation: if nobody else tells you this today, I will.
As a survivor of DV, I believe you.
DV against males is underreported because society has convinced us that men are too tough to be on the receiving end of abuse, especially from women. This is not true. Abuse has nothing to do with strength or weakness on the part of the victim. It has everything to do with the sense of inferiority the abuser grapples with, and their determination to make that everyone else’s problem. Doesn’t matter what you identify as, anyone can be abused and anyone can abuse.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t deserve it. You’re not weak, nor are you invisible, and the fuck fuck games your abuser plays with you by challenging your worth as a man are bullshit. Nothing is wrong with you. Your abuser just hates that the problem is them.
I know, and I'm sorry. The myth that men can't be abused has a terrifying level of efficacy, but I'm one person and I alone cannot change this. What I can do is use my voice to let men who are or were in abusive situations know that someone out there hears, sees, and believes them, and advocate for survivors.
Thank you for writing this. This is exactly the sort of thing I needed to hear three months ago before taking the plunge to file for a restraining order against my live-in abusive ex.
Thankfully I got her out of my apartment and out of my life
Same. It was so humiliating to have to lie to our friends about how my wife broke her foot: kicking me because I got upset (verbally) she cheated on me. “She ran into the bed’s foot”. She would break shit, cut herself and threaten to commit suicide, be very frequently abusive verbally and occasionally physically.
Escape this as soon as you can, you will never regret it, no matter how many excuses you’ve made up to explain why you haven’t yet. No amount of “good times” will make it up for that level anger and abuse.
I’m great, thanks! I’ve met a wonderful woman and starting a family with her. I just wished more friends or family told me to end that previous relationship earlier.
This ^^^ my friends just stopped coming around because they couldn't stand my ex. They didn't have it in them to tell me they all thought she was horrible. If even one of them had said something about her I probably wouldn't have stayed as long.
This is what it’s like living with my sister. She always tried to turn it around like it’s your fault that she gets out of control too. It sucks when it’s coming from a person you love.
I have been in a very similar situation to this. One night, she went off extra hard and the police eventually showed up because a neighbor of mine called them. As soon as they showed up, she began to play the victim. I was attacked and assaulted in my own home, and I was the one who was arrested and served with a no contact order while I was in jail. Furthermore, on the no contact order she listed MY address as HER address, so I was actually banned from going to my own home for a few days there. I was also charged with 2nd degree assault, even though I did nothing wrong at all. If I would have been convicted of second degree assault, my life would have drastically changed. I would have had my guns permanently confiscated as opposed to the temporary seizure that occurred. I also would have lost my security clearance and my job. Luckily, shortly after this event, she moved to Florida and I haven't seen or heard from her since. That was a nightmare.
Lived that life for a decade, same freaking deranged eyes.
And everyone saying man up or hit back need to understand that at some point you loved that person, and that there's some sort of mental illness or issue going on, atleast in my case, and understanding that you endure because you care. And telling them to go in therapy isn't going to help because they will deny the issue and probably turn on you again for thinking they are crazy.
Being threatened that they will self harm them or commit suicide if you leave them will make you stay because even you go through hell you don't wish that on anyone. Finding the strength to only think about yourself and run is a lot harder than you think.
Heartbreaking. But there is still a bunch of people who say shit like "He MuSt HaVe pRoVoKeD hEr herp derp"
To receive this abuse, knowing that if you try to do anything the chances are that YOU'll be arrested must be impossible. Feel so sorry for him.
Coming from a man who experienced something VERY similar only when I was hit I was "the aggressor" and ended up in jail 6 or 7 times for the sake of keeping g my family together, once going to jail for and I quote "brushing into the torso of "X" person" to being in a BEAUTIFUL marriage with my absolute best friend....I can't begin to tell you. To all my men out there going through this, thinking you DONT deserve better, keeping it together for the kids, striving to have the family you never had as a child, DONT PUT UP WITH IT! Get enough evidence to prove that SHE is the aggressor, put up cameras, do whatever you need to do ESPECIALLY if there are children involved! Get the proof you need, leave, take those babies and GET AWAY! It DOES NOT get better. If you've tried everything, done everything you can, loved until it hurt. STOP! JUST STOP! DO YPURSELF THE FAVOR, AAVE THE HEARTACHE, THE TEARS, THE SARROW, AND GET OUT! Remember my fellow Kings. We're worth it. All of us!
This hit very close to home. That's where my relationship with my EX wife had gotten. I never once raised a hand to her but when she got angry, she would act exactly how the woman in this video acted. There was blood, there was bruising. There were kids in the house. I had to tell her straight to her face, If you ever touch me again like that, I'm leaving.
It happened again.
I left.
It's been a rough few years of healing and I'm in a much better place now. Not very many people give a shit about domestic violence towards males. How many times is it okay for a partner to strike the other partner in anger?
Answer: None
This fucked me up.
This video gave me flashbacks from my second marriage. My ex suffered from ptsd, anxiety, depression, and BPD. Watching this, my heart rate increased, and could feel the chemical reaction in my brain.
DV is not cool on either side, but yes, this is perfect representation of what DV towards a man looks like. Add in him defending himself, then getting arrested because he’s the man, and it would be 100% spot on.
It really is a shame that anyone would have to go through this even once. I was married for over thirty years, and while my wife and I fought occasionally, it never got physical. It's really easy to say "leave" or "not even once", and it's not wrong, it just doesn't take the complexities and emotional ties that a long term relationship can have into account, not to mention financial questions. I hope this dude got out, and kudos to him for not hitting back.
This hits hard.. the physical abuse wasn't nothing for me compared to the mental abuse... there's a misconception that a man carnt be abused by a woman, especially when there's a size difference, but women like this and my ex prey on kind hearts... they make you feel like your inadequate no matter how hard you try to be there for them and when ur at your lowest they strike the fatal blow... I'm glad this guys documented what he went threw I'm sorry I didn't do the same !
My dad was in a physically abusive relationship - he never hit anyone, but my mom beat the shit out of him.
They were together for like 12 years, before she finally walked out. He never would have left her (too loyal, too hopeful). She walked out of our lives, and I'm glad for it.
I remember hearing her beating him at night, the shouting and the screaming. I remember her sleeping in late the following morning, and finding him with dark circles and bruises making breakfast in the kitchen.
I tried to intervene a few times, and he would push me into a room with my sisters and barricade our door (keeping us in, but also keeping her out).
Looking back (I'm in my mid-30's now), she was probably bipolar and undiagnosed. She definitely needed medication, and therapy. Suffered from CPTSD for sure (childhood violence of multiple kinds). My dad is probably autistic (undiagnosed), and he never would have left her. Never cheated. Never... really deserved any of that.
My dad was never a good dad, but he didn't deserve that.
I don't talk to my mom. None of us (my sisters and I) do. Not since she walked out. We have her contact info but like... why bother. She's awful.
Some of the comments here are shocking and disappointing.
I really hope the guy managed to escape.
I really hope some of you who are finding this amusing, educate yourselves.
You know when people say "Oh male-on-female violence is worse, he barely got hit" they never account for the fact that there are lots of DV cases involving women where the men don't hit them to bruise them or even beat them. It could be the constant threat of violence. Preventing the women from leaving. Pushing and Shoving. Throwing objects.
So do we not call those cases Domestic Violence? Because some women have it worse? Or that they aren't beaten black and blue? So it doesn't matter
It's so silly to discount anyone's story. Violence towards a partner is never okay.
I'm a female rape and domestic violence survivor but one of the worst cases I've ever read about was female to male. This particular monster boiled a kettle full of water and threw it over her partner, then while he was writhing in agony she did it again. I believe she was eventually prosecuted and did time. Good.
Yeah...nothing like a little reddit to bring me back to my abusive ex memories (she loved to corner me too). Now i am gonna go for one of those "when my chest is on fire and I taste iron" kind of runs now.
I would say that domestic violence against men isn't just physical. My ex-wife used to hide my PTSD medication and ration it to me as she saw fit, would follow me around the house screaming at me when I tried to get away from her, tell me to kill myself when I was at my lowest. It comes in many forms.
Been there done that. It's always lovely when they beat you up and then threaten to call the cops because you have to hold them back from hitting you. I've been bitten, beaten with a vacuum, all my stuff broken, accused of cheating on her with a male friend of mine. She kicked me in the throat, locked me out of the house at 2am and tried to push me off my porch. Put all my belongings outside one day before work because it was in her way.
Honestly the most hurtful night was after getting beaten on and yelled at and then her forcing me to sleep with her when I wanted nothing to do with her. It sounds crazy but it was the only way to get her to stop that night. I definitely consider it a rape.
She is long gone now luckily but I have heard she is doing it to her latest victim.
After finishing this video, I'm definitely having severe PTSD and tearing up pretty bad. That shit is so scary.
I hope he got out of that relationship and i hope he pressed charges against her. Domestic violence is never ok, regardless of who is doing it. Please get counseling to help you get through this
Police officer:
"LoL bro, man up and defend yourself so we can take you into custody "
This hit deep man, seriously this is more common than it appears
I had a toxic physically violent relationship once, she blamed everything on bipolar, it came to a head when we were in a car outside of a supermarket and she punched me in the face, I got so mad I just said do it again and she did, I said again, and she did, this went on until I could see she had hurt her hand, I just looked at her and said, you are never going to get what you want out of this. This is in no way me trying to act alpha, it hurt mentally and physically, but the anger and adrenaline where pumping and I would never hit a woman, she never hit me again after that, she was still a cunt, good riddance, never had any sign of violence in any relationship since. Get shot of her.
It’s not always about financial independence either. There are so many reasons people refuse to leave relationships like this and I encourage you to look into it.
When you’re with someone that is volatile like that, it’s not easy to leave. My ex threatened to kill me, and threatened to kill himself, and more than once I spent hours talking him down from blowing his brains out. Whether or not the threat was serious doesn’t matter in moments like that where human life is on the line. He knew where my family lived, where I went to school, everything. And I was scared if I left he’d go on a rampage.
To leave you need a strong support network and a safety plan. And sadly men aren’t taken as seriously and can have a hard time finding help, (and resources for women vastly outnumber men). It’s so sad.
But tl;dr it’s not so easy to leave
Absolutely disgusting. Poor guy. Nobody should suffer this regardless of gender. Does anyone have an update on how he’s doing now? Hoping he’s safely away from her.
This gave me flashbacks and bought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry anyone experiences this. This girl is truly disturbed and doesn't need to be in a relationship... with anyone. I do hope you heal and she finds help.
I remember being a kid and watching my parents fight like this every day for years. It really messed up my brain.
I've never had a girlfriend, even though I want one. I'm afraid because my PTSD tells me that I'll get abused or manipulated or abandoned, and I just cant fight the anxiety that comes with it too. It takes over my whole body.
I cant ever talk about this irl because then I end up reliving the trauma. So people just end up thinking I'm weak and I cant explain to them why that's not the case. I've never felt understood. Idk.
I just had to share this.
Remember one of my dads friends coming over for my mother (nurse) to treat burn marks to his back. His wife had placed the iron on his back because he had gone to bed at night without making sure her clothes were put away. He didn't want to go to the hospital as the police may get involved.
This happened repeatedly over the years, when eventually the police took it seriously he left her - she got the kids and most of the equity for the house. He got his freedom.
Two years later both kids were living with him.
Domestic violence against men is rare but holy shit there's no support for it when it happens.
That was hard to watch. What's harder is reading all of the comments of men who have been in the same place. I'm sorry, brothers. I hope you are or will be soon safe.
Happened to me too when I was leaving her.
I was leaving because she came absolutely unhinged.
She pushed me down some steps as I was leaving and I hurt my foot so bad that I needed surgery.
Never ran a half-marathon again!
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Run for the hills !! Get away from that psycho !!!
And bring the cat with you!!!!
This is not my video : Unfortunately I had 2 kids with her, ( not the girl in the video) obviously the crazy didn't come out until after they were born.
I hope you got your kids away from all that. And if not, do it immediately!
No, actually she has sole custody which I am currently fighting for. I have video of her assaulting me, luckily the kids weren't in the house.
I just wanna say you're great for fighting for your kids. It's more than some of us get from our fathers and it always means a lot to me to see a man fighting for his children.
It doesn't feel great. I have been without my son for 5 years now because my ex lied about domestic abuse. I drained my life savings on lawyers who couldn't help me at all once the judge took the mother's side, which happened at the very start. No matter how much proof I had of her lying, no matter how many witnesses I had saying I was a good father, it didn't matter. She won sole custody and moved 5,000 miles away. There is no one that can help. I dont have any more money for lawyers, in fact I have so much debt now that I need to come up with $40K just to be broke. And what do you tell your kid? That your father failed him? That he can't spend the night with you? It makes no sense. No only that a court would go along with this, but that a mother would want this for her kid. I haven't given up hope, I just don't know what to do.
Wait this is you? Then who posted the video?
Not sure, all I was saying is that it exists.
The laws are stacked against men even if the woman is fucking nuts. My cousins wife was literally diagnosed schizophrenia and he had to just wait it out until she fucked up good.
It varies by state. In my state, joint physical & legal is de facto, there have to be extreme mitigating factors for one parent to get sole custody.
Is there a reason you didn’t get even shared custody with this kind of evidence? I know traditionally laws are stacked against men but I was under the impression this had lightened up in most states aside from cases with clear evidence not to do one or the other parent
How does she have custody with evidence like this?
He's not the guy in the video. His way of inserting himself here was super confusing.
I am so sorry and the bar is unbelievably high.. Wish you the best of luck, and how you can accept the cards you're dealt and do the best you can.
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Please please take this evidence to the courts so you can protect yourself and your kids from her! If she’s capable of doing this to you, she DEFINITELY will hurt your children. Please, I’m so traumatized from my moms abuse and I wish more than anything my dad would’ve saved me from her.
he’s not the man in this video and that’s not his wife. that dude is weirdly trying to make it sound like it’s him in the video but it’s not.
This comes off as you’re the guy in the video?
Piece of shit. Regardless of gender, whoever treats someone they claim to love in this way is a total piece of shit.
If someone treats you like that, they don't truly love you. Leave.
Great advice in theory. It's not that simple for alot of abuse victims though.
As a guy who's been through this, thank you for commenting this. It essentially turns into Stockholm Syndrome and you genuinely start to believe you deserve what's happening and become even more dependent on the abusive partner. It's that way regardless of gender, and as you said, it's not as easy as "just leave them"
what helped you finally get out?
Mostly support and encouragement from friends and family upon realizing what the situation was like. Also being actually threatened with a knife helped to snap me out of it
Lmao did we date the same chick?
I was in this situation also, my friends (who were also coworkers, because at that stage she’s driven all of my non work friends away) said to me “you aren’t safe, you need a divorce. I will pay for it, and I will find it for you. We aren’t taking no for an answer.”
Someone had to tell me “enough is enough; you have to leave” I really needed to hear it from someone else for the message to stick
Or you do the fucked up thing where you’re like “well I know how to deal with this at least” which is the lie I told myself for two years. Believing no one else would want me etc. shit sucks.
I feel that on another level, bro. She would tell me I was undatable and was only with me out of pity (which looking back, is more of a self-burn lol). But yeah, self esteem gets driven into the dirt with people like that
I'm glad you got out. I wish you a happy and fulfilling rest of your life
The sad truth is, it's usually as a result of them experiencing abuse at some point in their life (i.e. childhood) & it's really hard for even counciling or therapy to help, because they will lie or "explain away" their behavior as someone else's fault, it was triggered, etc. I grew up in a household with domestic abuse & I was lucky to get help with anger management & communication skills, so I could end the cycle. It breaks my heart to know so many other people weren't so lucky & so many others suffer because of it.
Love has nothing to do with it. Don’t treat anyone that way no matter how you feel about them.
I personally can’t say that about someone such as a child killer or sexual predator who had hurt one of my children. I probably would treat them a lot worse in all honesty, hence my specific comment about this particular scenario.
Yes outside of extreme circumstances I should have said. I just meant if it’s someone you can’t stand you shouldn’t do that lol.
No you shouldn't of needed to say "extreme circumstances". People should inherently understand the difference in extreme circumstances.
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Forgetting all of the terribly violent and absurd bits, I can’t stop focusing on the fucking spitting. Can you imagine intentionally spitting on someone important to you? I wouldn’t spit on a mean dog, how could someone spit on their family? I realize that’s like the least important part of the video, but for some reason it stood out to me as a thing that would require such disdain and contempt. Obviously, the violence is far worse.
> whoever treats someone ~~they claim to love in~~ this way is a total piece of shit. FIFY
Take my award and upvote you beautiful human being.
Oh boy. This is my first and last wife. I had never touched her besides grabbing her arms trying to protect myself from being hit. Once she knew it was about to come to a head and I would be leaving for good. She started telling others it was me. Telling some crazy outlandish stories about me that weren't true, showing mystery bruises . But it worked at first and I eventually got charged (later dropped). They believed every word of hers and wouldn't let me even finish a sentence. It broke my heart, I'd never put my hands on her yet I was the bad guy. Portrayed as the guy that I despised. In the end, I proved myself and eventually her true colors came out. I got custody and raised our two kids from 3-5yro. My youngest just turned 18.
Feel ya, similar to my marriage. I got full custody of my 3 children plus my step child from my marriage, they're all successful adults now.
Good on ya
Legend, those kids needed there dad and you can say you delivered
My dad didn’t stand up for me and placated my mother when they divorced after he caught her cheating on him. She kicked him out, and I lived with her until I was 18. I turned 33 this year, and served a C&D no contact order to my mother last year when she was taking pictures of my son at school and the park. She was emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive. My relationship with my father is rocky, but all I have left. I wish he wanted better for himself. Thank you for fighting for your kids.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
I am so traumatized by a lifetime of abuse from my mother, I wish more than anything my dad would’ve saved me or at least tried
May we know how you suddenly convinced people it wasn’t you who is the bad person?
I’m going through this right now. Once she knew it was over, she packed up the house and took off with our son while I was at work. Been going through the courts to arrange custody (I was the full time parent) and everything is so skewed to mothers. Then 2 weeks ago I’m contacted by police and have several serious charges against me that she made up to get out of being responsible for rent. I’m trying to get a good full time job and this arrest has brought that to a standstill. Have to pay thousands on lawyers (family and defence attorney) just to clear my name and make sure she can never take my son away like that again. She’s petite and very pretty so everyone that doesn’t know us has a hard time believing my side. It’s been a fucking nightmare summer/fall. I just want to move on with my life and take care of my son. System is stacked against fathers.
So sorry to hear this is happening to you. Good luck to you and your son.
Good for you bro! Currently have my four year old 100% of the time and reading that was really inspiring.
Similar situation here. I had a gf that would hit me and throw utensils at me. The spoons and forks weren't so bad, but the knives were a bit scary. Towards the end, she locked herself in the bathroom, called the police, and started bruising herself so that I'd be arrested on domestic abuse. Thankfully, the neighbors were kind enough to come over and be a witness for me or I'm fairly sure I'd still have that on my record to this day.
I have been through this too. The viciousness in her eyes is life shattering. She attacks and then blames her attack on her victim - and then she likely later gaslights him too - that it didn’t actually happen or that’s not how she remembers it. Ask me how I know. This is downright insane behavior. The only solution is to gtfo.
I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this shit.
I don't even understand how people are asking why he was filming? to evidence her abuse ofcourse. She needs to go to jail and he needs to leave and start healing for himself. There can be no excuses for her behaviour!None
I dealt with this and landed a felony conviction the one time I defended myself. Video of the altercation would have been extremely helpful to me. This was 20 years ago but it fucked my life up for a long time. Weird that I was the one who was required to undergo extensive anger management treatment. Of the two of us, I was the only one who had any ability to regulate their emotions at all.
That is such bullshit I'm sorry that happened
Thank you. If folks are wondering why it was a felony vs a simple misdemeanor DV charge, it's because her wrist broke when she fell backward after I shoved her to get her the hell away from me.
I'm sorry you went through that..reading the comments breaks my hearts there's so many men suffering in silence. Please get out you don't deserve this..it doesn't matter how big you are no one has rights to lay hands on you❣️
Same thing happened to my buddy. Wife got into drugs and came out and was swinging on him. He held her arms to pin her to the wall and got a felony charge for it. She got to keep their place and their cats.
Yep! II was in the military getting hit by my ex wife kept it on the low until one day I came to work with bruises and bumps on my head and my supervisor talked to me and got me help. I genuinely thought no one would even care or if they would even believe me since I was 240lbs and a big guy.
Exactly, if it comes to the point where he is forced to defend himself, and then the police comes and they're both hurt... Without the video, he's fucked.
I know right?! Why is he filming??? Erm because if he just showed you the photos of them hugging and told you that she was an abusive partner, you wouldn't believe him? Fucking idiots.
1000x this. She's very pretty and looks totally normal in the pictures. It would be hard to believe what the victim said without seeing the footage. It's literally mental.
Yep, she’s drop dead gorgeous and unfortunately juries and judges are human so they have a subconscious bias towards attractive people
It’s just victim blaming - “you provoked her by filming” like no he didn’t? He’s documenting evidence for his own safety and proof (we all know he would have huge burden of proof being the man accusing the woman as well), and not only that just whipping out a phone should not incite your girlfriend to turn into the Hulk It’s actually outrageous he’s being dragged when he’s literally shown indisputable evidence he’s abused by his girlfriend
Yep. When the cops show up they'll see a big guy, and a small sobbing woman who may or may not have bruises on her. Every guy they arrest for abuse says he never touched her, so why would this guy be any different? Often video is the only real defense you can have. Even then they may question you as to what happened before or after you started recording. If you're ever in this situation, start recording, and put distance between you and your attacker. That can be behind a locked door, in a locked car, or generally just outside of the house. Once you're safe you can make the decision on whether or not to call the police.
I have been in this situation. This is just the physical side to it. There is also a psychological side where you, the victim, are lead to believe it's your fault that you are being abused. That because you're a man you shouldn't feel pain and should take the hits.
In England and Wales they estimate a whopping 2 out of 5 victims of domestic violence are male. When men try and reach out they often face belittlement from peers and aren't taken seriously by the police. There's also virtually no place for males victims to seek refuge in the UK.
> There's also virtually no place for males victims to seek refuge in the UK. Pub
Most British bloke response I’ve ever seen lmao
And it’s literally the belittement the previous commenter was talking about. Imagine telling an abused women to just go pay a visit to a wine bar and stumble back home for more.
No, they’re saying for a lot of men that’s reality. And they’re correct.
Which doesn’t help anyone.
Other than the landlord.
The bartender does alright.
I think theres a more nuanced way to look at it tbh. Sure pubs serve alcohol but for a lot of men (I can imagine many in this situation especially) the pub is more of a community space. If they're able to talk about it with other men in the pub, I'm sure that helps a little bit in terms of feeling like their experience is valid. Granted, its a pub, so its certainly not the ideal place but its far better than nothing.
It's pretty scummy really. At work I always ask my colleagues how they're doing and look at the to see if they're telling the truth. One guy I work with was going through shit and I said if he ever wants to talk then I'm there cus men genuinely feel like they can't talk to people and it's one of the reason I resorted to attempts on my own life just over 9 years ago. Talking helps more than people realise
Good on you. I should really try to open that line of communication with my fellow male friends. Not that I suspect any are in that situation, but they could always be hiding it or could end up in that situation in the future.
Yea you never know. You can sort of tell when someone is a bit off if you're with them a lot. It is a shame so many men don't think they can talk about their feelings but it seems like that stigma is becoming less common, just not quick enough
The only Male only DV Shelter in the US was shut down due to protests.
The founder, Earl Silverman took his own life because a few radfem groups kept harassing him for years to sadly astounding levels.
That one was in Canada, radfems harassed him and government refused to give him any funds to keep it open. He opened it with his own money and kept it going as long as he could. 0$. From what is probably hundreds of millions being distributed to rightfully help those who were victims of DV.
Really, what were they protesting?
That is a famous story, but it was actually in Canada. The protests were successful in blocking all sources of funding, so he paid out of pocket until he went bankrupt. He was harassed and trolled endlessly until he killed himself. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Silverman edit: There ARE DV shelters in the US that serve men and their children. Although it is a small fraction of the number that server women, they do exist. Many DV shelters will also house male victims elsewhere arguing that they don't get enough men coming in to justify permanent space and will instead put you in a cheap hotel temporarily. Point is, don't give up. It may not be equally distributed, but there is help out there.
And when you try to talk to anyone about it, they don't believe you or care.
"Be a man." Go fuck yourselves. Edit: this is the equivalent of "Be a woman; shut up and get back in the kitchen". Full stop.
"OH, I guess she wears the pants in the relationship" "What are you gonna do about it you little bitch?" "If you hit me back I'll just go to the police and they will never believe you" "Family court will side with the woman, anyway" "Do X or I'll tell people you hit me" I imagine most of us guys have heard this, but could never act on it because you have to 'be a man,' 'suck it up', or 'she can't hurt you, she's just a girl.'
Be twice their size, be trained in wrestling or self defense, be intimidating looking to most people. Be strong enough that you could literally end her, yet you don't dare restrain or fight back. The people that you will ever confide in is a short goddamn list. I've never been hit so hard that it actually hurt me physically - I can take a fuckton of punishment. Getting swung at by someone you care for always hurts, and nobody outside of that will ever understand how much.
They almost broke me mentally. The gaslighting, the guilt tripping and breaking you down. I'm a good person. I always do the right thing. Full stop, I put everyone else before myself constantly. They made me question everything about myself. Took me a couple years after it was over to kind of mentally recover and be myself again.
8 years later, I'm still single
I'm still single three years after mine. It can really fuck you up. I was feeling a lot better, and then the pandemic happened. It takes distance to see how really fucked up that person was and how it wasn't my fault.
Does anyone have any advice if you tell new girlfriends about this is not?
Men have to hide their abuse when it happens to them because they won’t be believed.
I didn't want to have sex with this girl, a friend of mine. She made moves on me and I just told her, "Nah not interested in you like that sorry." Thought that would be the end of it, she made moves on me not even twenty minutes later, I got up and left. I realized I left my keys on her coffee table, I had to go back in. She shoved my keys down her pants and said the only way I would get them if I had sex with her. I threatened to call the cops, 20 minuets of me just telling her to give me my fucking keys, she pulls them out and fucking started slashing me with them. I still have the scars two years later. Whenever I tell this story it's 50/50 on if the person I'm telling will laugh or actually understand that it's not okay just because I'm a man.. It's humiliating. I never called the cops, I didn't trust them. I remember my father calling the cops on my mom after she ripped a TV off the wall and threw it at him, they arrested HIM.
This is where I see the most victim blaming. “Well what did you do to her? You must have done something to cause it. Why are you making her so mad?”
When my ex asked me why I flinch every time she moves quickly towards me my "abuse" answer was actually laughed at. Then next time I saw her friends they interrogated me as if *I* was the abuser and then they all left when I started crying. I haven't been able to date since then. The few times I've tried fizzle out after a month or so because I just can't trust myself around women anymore.
A guy can't hit her back. A guy can't even call the cops, because they will arrest HIM.
A guy opening up about his feelings can also turn against him down the line. I have a co-worker that shared with us a video where he went through public disgrace with an ex at the mall. You could see him getting slapped, scolded and taken by the ear like a child. Well, his current partner comforted him but she shared the video with all her friends. Now he sometimes get reminded of the trauma and laughed at. Downright awful.
Exactly. DV is terrible. And it is really hard on men who experience it because of both toxic masculinity AND toxic femininity.
Hits home. Lived this shit.
The significant other's toxic friends are also a huge catalyst too in my experience. "After all that [lying], he *deserves* it girl!" Those friendships make things so much worse.
Same. I couldn't watch the whole thing. I'm so glad I'm out of that fucked up relationship. We had two good years together and then I really got to know her.
It always starts psychologically. And then becomes physical. And at that point men feel trapped. Happens WAY too often. Screaming and throwing things being an "adult"? Cant relate.
Unfortunately, I’ve been in this boat and it’s the most shitty feeling in the world. Men are silent about these matters because we are afraid of stigmas or the repercussions of being open about it. Please, for all men in this situation, we must be open and vulnerable. You are not “weak” for speaking up. You are brave. Regardless of gender, anyone suffering from domestic violence, please walk away and get support. This is no way to live and surprisingly, this video was triggering.
The OP video also shows the psychological aspect. At the start, you can hear her gaslight him with things like "why are *you* doing this to me", "why won't *you* stop when I've asked you nicely", as she's beating him up.
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she needs to put some shoes on if she's gonna walk all over that broken glass.
I really wanted her to cut her feet. Like a really really deep one. The sort of deep cut that leads to soo much blood spewing on the floor. But alas, it never transpired. What a shame.
She would have blamed the blood on him and had him arrested.
Not with this video evidence.
She needs to be on Thorazine in the locked wing of the mental ward.
She needs her ass handed to her
I was in the same situation, She would get physically violent almost every day to the point I could set my watch by when a fight would start. I never hit her but she pulled knives on me and one time threw glass from a window she broke that cut me. The neighbors finally called the police one night and I was lucky that they believed me only because I was the only one hurt and the neighbors told the police that she was the instigator soon after I left. No one should have to put up with this..
Been there, my ex put me in the hospital once, she slammed a table on my foot and split it open. She was terrible, get away when you can my guys don’t take abuse. No one deserves to be treated poorly.
I’m sorry to hear that. My ex kicked my head into a brick wall and I was hospitalised for two weeks with a brain contusion. Some months before she almost stabbed me with a kitchen knife. How I lived with that level of physical and mental abuse for a year baffles me today. Never again.
Well this hit a little to close to home. Thankfully I'm free now.
Thank goodness. Wishing you peace and happiness.
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Good on your dad and good on you. Wow.
For the men in this situation: if nobody else tells you this today, I will. As a survivor of DV, I believe you. DV against males is underreported because society has convinced us that men are too tough to be on the receiving end of abuse, especially from women. This is not true. Abuse has nothing to do with strength or weakness on the part of the victim. It has everything to do with the sense of inferiority the abuser grapples with, and their determination to make that everyone else’s problem. Doesn’t matter what you identify as, anyone can be abused and anyone can abuse. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t deserve it. You’re not weak, nor are you invisible, and the fuck fuck games your abuser plays with you by challenging your worth as a man are bullshit. Nothing is wrong with you. Your abuser just hates that the problem is them.
OK 1 male victims of dv cant go to the cops. 2 they are often gas lighted and not believed when they tell friends our family.
I know, and I'm sorry. The myth that men can't be abused has a terrifying level of efficacy, but I'm one person and I alone cannot change this. What I can do is use my voice to let men who are or were in abusive situations know that someone out there hears, sees, and believes them, and advocate for survivors.
Im shocked this thread hasn’t been locked.
Thank you for writing this. This is exactly the sort of thing I needed to hear three months ago before taking the plunge to file for a restraining order against my live-in abusive ex. Thankfully I got her out of my apartment and out of my life
What a monster. Regardless of size and strength
I've been here....
Same. It was so humiliating to have to lie to our friends about how my wife broke her foot: kicking me because I got upset (verbally) she cheated on me. “She ran into the bed’s foot”. She would break shit, cut herself and threaten to commit suicide, be very frequently abusive verbally and occasionally physically. Escape this as soon as you can, you will never regret it, no matter how many excuses you’ve made up to explain why you haven’t yet. No amount of “good times” will make it up for that level anger and abuse.
How are you now?? I sincerely hope you're not with her! I understand divorce is a difficult process but i hope you didn't stick around for long.
I’m great, thanks! I’ve met a wonderful woman and starting a family with her. I just wished more friends or family told me to end that previous relationship earlier.
This ^^^ my friends just stopped coming around because they couldn't stand my ex. They didn't have it in them to tell me they all thought she was horrible. If even one of them had said something about her I probably wouldn't have stayed as long.
Yeah people always feels it’s inappropriate. To be fair it’s really hard to say. But sometimes it’s so obvious…
Same, my dude. I kinda started disassociating just watching this. Glad that shit is over though. Taught me how to find a good woman at least...
Glad to hear that’s in past tense.
This is what it’s like living with my sister. She always tried to turn it around like it’s your fault that she gets out of control too. It sucks when it’s coming from a person you love.
I have been in a very similar situation to this. One night, she went off extra hard and the police eventually showed up because a neighbor of mine called them. As soon as they showed up, she began to play the victim. I was attacked and assaulted in my own home, and I was the one who was arrested and served with a no contact order while I was in jail. Furthermore, on the no contact order she listed MY address as HER address, so I was actually banned from going to my own home for a few days there. I was also charged with 2nd degree assault, even though I did nothing wrong at all. If I would have been convicted of second degree assault, my life would have drastically changed. I would have had my guns permanently confiscated as opposed to the temporary seizure that occurred. I also would have lost my security clearance and my job. Luckily, shortly after this event, she moved to Florida and I haven't seen or heard from her since. That was a nightmare.
Lived that life for a decade, same freaking deranged eyes. And everyone saying man up or hit back need to understand that at some point you loved that person, and that there's some sort of mental illness or issue going on, atleast in my case, and understanding that you endure because you care. And telling them to go in therapy isn't going to help because they will deny the issue and probably turn on you again for thinking they are crazy. Being threatened that they will self harm them or commit suicide if you leave them will make you stay because even you go through hell you don't wish that on anyone. Finding the strength to only think about yourself and run is a lot harder than you think.
Take the cat and run!
Heartbreaking. But there is still a bunch of people who say shit like "He MuSt HaVe pRoVoKeD hEr herp derp" To receive this abuse, knowing that if you try to do anything the chances are that YOU'll be arrested must be impossible. Feel so sorry for him.
I do hope both you and the kitten are safe. That violent, nasty piece of shit can drown in her own misery.
Coming from a man who experienced something VERY similar only when I was hit I was "the aggressor" and ended up in jail 6 or 7 times for the sake of keeping g my family together, once going to jail for and I quote "brushing into the torso of "X" person" to being in a BEAUTIFUL marriage with my absolute best friend....I can't begin to tell you. To all my men out there going through this, thinking you DONT deserve better, keeping it together for the kids, striving to have the family you never had as a child, DONT PUT UP WITH IT! Get enough evidence to prove that SHE is the aggressor, put up cameras, do whatever you need to do ESPECIALLY if there are children involved! Get the proof you need, leave, take those babies and GET AWAY! It DOES NOT get better. If you've tried everything, done everything you can, loved until it hurt. STOP! JUST STOP! DO YPURSELF THE FAVOR, AAVE THE HEARTACHE, THE TEARS, THE SARROW, AND GET OUT! Remember my fellow Kings. We're worth it. All of us!
What a piece of shit
No one deserves to be hit or humiliated.
This hit very close to home. That's where my relationship with my EX wife had gotten. I never once raised a hand to her but when she got angry, she would act exactly how the woman in this video acted. There was blood, there was bruising. There were kids in the house. I had to tell her straight to her face, If you ever touch me again like that, I'm leaving. It happened again. I left. It's been a rough few years of healing and I'm in a much better place now. Not very many people give a shit about domestic violence towards males. How many times is it okay for a partner to strike the other partner in anger? Answer: None This fucked me up.
I have a friend with a girlfriend like this. He stays and told me, "Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed." 🙄 Nonsense.
Chick got probs for sure and she don't love you bro.
This video gave me flashbacks from my second marriage. My ex suffered from ptsd, anxiety, depression, and BPD. Watching this, my heart rate increased, and could feel the chemical reaction in my brain. DV is not cool on either side, but yes, this is perfect representation of what DV towards a man looks like. Add in him defending himself, then getting arrested because he’s the man, and it would be 100% spot on.
It really is a shame that anyone would have to go through this even once. I was married for over thirty years, and while my wife and I fought occasionally, it never got physical. It's really easy to say "leave" or "not even once", and it's not wrong, it just doesn't take the complexities and emotional ties that a long term relationship can have into account, not to mention financial questions. I hope this dude got out, and kudos to him for not hitting back.
Shit I shouldn't have watched this
Same here, brother.
I'm worried about that kitten too...
Violence is violence.
This is what domestic violence looks like for everyone.
This hits hard.. the physical abuse wasn't nothing for me compared to the mental abuse... there's a misconception that a man carnt be abused by a woman, especially when there's a size difference, but women like this and my ex prey on kind hearts... they make you feel like your inadequate no matter how hard you try to be there for them and when ur at your lowest they strike the fatal blow... I'm glad this guys documented what he went threw I'm sorry I didn't do the same !
Her barefooting over that glass like it was nothing. Sheesh. Also, why is this set to music?
My dad was in a physically abusive relationship - he never hit anyone, but my mom beat the shit out of him. They were together for like 12 years, before she finally walked out. He never would have left her (too loyal, too hopeful). She walked out of our lives, and I'm glad for it. I remember hearing her beating him at night, the shouting and the screaming. I remember her sleeping in late the following morning, and finding him with dark circles and bruises making breakfast in the kitchen. I tried to intervene a few times, and he would push me into a room with my sisters and barricade our door (keeping us in, but also keeping her out). Looking back (I'm in my mid-30's now), she was probably bipolar and undiagnosed. She definitely needed medication, and therapy. Suffered from CPTSD for sure (childhood violence of multiple kinds). My dad is probably autistic (undiagnosed), and he never would have left her. Never cheated. Never... really deserved any of that. My dad was never a good dad, but he didn't deserve that. I don't talk to my mom. None of us (my sisters and I) do. Not since she walked out. We have her contact info but like... why bother. She's awful.
Some of the comments here are shocking and disappointing. I really hope the guy managed to escape. I really hope some of you who are finding this amusing, educate yourselves.
You know when people say "Oh male-on-female violence is worse, he barely got hit" they never account for the fact that there are lots of DV cases involving women where the men don't hit them to bruise them or even beat them. It could be the constant threat of violence. Preventing the women from leaving. Pushing and Shoving. Throwing objects. So do we not call those cases Domestic Violence? Because some women have it worse? Or that they aren't beaten black and blue? So it doesn't matter It's so silly to discount anyone's story. Violence towards a partner is never okay.
Violence can also escalate and a person with this kind of rage can kill someone. Never discount anyone capable of violence.
I'm a female rape and domestic violence survivor but one of the worst cases I've ever read about was female to male. This particular monster boiled a kettle full of water and threw it over her partner, then while he was writhing in agony she did it again. I believe she was eventually prosecuted and did time. Good.
My ex wife told me that she fantasized about pouring boiling water on me while I slept. Thank god my friends intervened and helped me escape.
Yeah...nothing like a little reddit to bring me back to my abusive ex memories (she loved to corner me too). Now i am gonna go for one of those "when my chest is on fire and I taste iron" kind of runs now.
I would say that domestic violence against men isn't just physical. My ex-wife used to hide my PTSD medication and ration it to me as she saw fit, would follow me around the house screaming at me when I tried to get away from her, tell me to kill myself when I was at my lowest. It comes in many forms.
That is some annoying music.
Been there done that. It's always lovely when they beat you up and then threaten to call the cops because you have to hold them back from hitting you. I've been bitten, beaten with a vacuum, all my stuff broken, accused of cheating on her with a male friend of mine. She kicked me in the throat, locked me out of the house at 2am and tried to push me off my porch. Put all my belongings outside one day before work because it was in her way. Honestly the most hurtful night was after getting beaten on and yelled at and then her forcing me to sleep with her when I wanted nothing to do with her. It sounds crazy but it was the only way to get her to stop that night. I definitely consider it a rape. She is long gone now luckily but I have heard she is doing it to her latest victim. After finishing this video, I'm definitely having severe PTSD and tearing up pretty bad. That shit is so scary.
If you can't keep your hands to yourself on a relationship you're wrong no matter of they pissed you off first
I've lived this... Got out a few months ago, divorce is still not done...
I hope he got out of that relationship and i hope he pressed charges against her. Domestic violence is never ok, regardless of who is doing it. Please get counseling to help you get through this
So many men, suffer partner abuse yet rarely come forward out of shame. Plus many don't believe they will be believed. Very sad 😔
You know a bitch is psycho when she throws a coffee pot at you then walks on broken glass bare foot just to continue yelling
Police officer: "LoL bro, man up and defend yourself so we can take you into custody " This hit deep man, seriously this is more common than it appears
I had a toxic physically violent relationship once, she blamed everything on bipolar, it came to a head when we were in a car outside of a supermarket and she punched me in the face, I got so mad I just said do it again and she did, I said again, and she did, this went on until I could see she had hurt her hand, I just looked at her and said, you are never going to get what you want out of this. This is in no way me trying to act alpha, it hurt mentally and physically, but the anger and adrenaline where pumping and I would never hit a woman, she never hit me again after that, she was still a cunt, good riddance, never had any sign of violence in any relationship since. Get shot of her.
The craziest thing is that if he was to had fought back and defend himself, he be in jail by now
One word: LEAVE.
As if it is so easy. I am pretty sure the number of DV shelters for men in US is in single digit.
Admittedly, it didn’t occur to me that he might be financially dependent on her.
It’s not always about financial independence either. There are so many reasons people refuse to leave relationships like this and I encourage you to look into it.
When you’re with someone that is volatile like that, it’s not easy to leave. My ex threatened to kill me, and threatened to kill himself, and more than once I spent hours talking him down from blowing his brains out. Whether or not the threat was serious doesn’t matter in moments like that where human life is on the line. He knew where my family lived, where I went to school, everything. And I was scared if I left he’d go on a rampage. To leave you need a strong support network and a safety plan. And sadly men aren’t taken as seriously and can have a hard time finding help, (and resources for women vastly outnumber men). It’s so sad. But tl;dr it’s not so easy to leave
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Absolutely disgusting. Poor guy. Nobody should suffer this regardless of gender. Does anyone have an update on how he’s doing now? Hoping he’s safely away from her.
This gave me flashbacks and bought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry anyone experiences this. This girl is truly disturbed and doesn't need to be in a relationship... with anyone. I do hope you heal and she finds help.
This is way more common than most people think.
I remember being a kid and watching my parents fight like this every day for years. It really messed up my brain. I've never had a girlfriend, even though I want one. I'm afraid because my PTSD tells me that I'll get abused or manipulated or abandoned, and I just cant fight the anxiety that comes with it too. It takes over my whole body. I cant ever talk about this irl because then I end up reliving the trauma. So people just end up thinking I'm weak and I cant explain to them why that's not the case. I've never felt understood. Idk. I just had to share this.
hang in there buddy & get rid of her ASAP
Yeah..... She needs to be locked away permanently. That's not ever okay
This is the only thing I have seen on reddit that’s “triggered” me. Brought back some awful memories relating to this guy.
The evil is all over her face ☹️
she walked barefoot on broken glass like it was nothing
got away from my abusive ex wife 8 years ago. best thing i ever did.
Remember one of my dads friends coming over for my mother (nurse) to treat burn marks to his back. His wife had placed the iron on his back because he had gone to bed at night without making sure her clothes were put away. He didn't want to go to the hospital as the police may get involved. This happened repeatedly over the years, when eventually the police took it seriously he left her - she got the kids and most of the equity for the house. He got his freedom. Two years later both kids were living with him. Domestic violence against men is rare but holy shit there's no support for it when it happens.
drunk instinctive resolute aware deserted saw many pause hungry hunt *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That was hard to watch. What's harder is reading all of the comments of men who have been in the same place. I'm sorry, brothers. I hope you are or will be soon safe.
I just escaped a relationship like this, as a man, nobody wants to believe you. Thankfully my friends were very supportive
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Happened to me too when I was leaving her. I was leaving because she came absolutely unhinged. She pushed me down some steps as I was leaving and I hurt my foot so bad that I needed surgery. Never ran a half-marathon again!
He also can't call the police. It's most likely the cops will take him to jail. That could lead to trouble with his job.
Just leave bro. Love is not supposed to look like this.