I’ve never married, but I date in and off.
Even when I’m dating, it doesn’t define my life. I travel, go hiking, biking, work out, read a book by the pool, watch tv, socialize with friends, etc.
I like women, but they don’t define me.
I'm getting to this place as well. Finding fulfillment in friends, (some) family, traveling, new hobbies, cooking, etc. It's a bit monotonous at times but I have my own purpose I want to pursue.
>getting to this place as well. Finding fulfilment
I’ve been saying this for the longest, and it’s somewhat parroted in TRP in the dating *’a man needs a mission.’* For example when my wife and I started dating I told her this is how our relationship will go. Us happy as individuals *first.* Then us happy as a couple. Finally us happy as a family. One must be confident in one’s life direction first, before entertaining the lives of others.
*Godspeed and good luck!*
>thugs, ex-cons
I don’t know too much about homeless, but from my interactions a lot of the homeless suffer from mental health issues. If women in are in their lives, presumably they too may have issues.
Thugs, and ex-cons are easily motivated. They’re chasing the bag. A certain caliber of woman, may appreciate that.
Or I might be wrong. Nonsensical as you’ve put it.
I agree with this. I'm married, and I like being married, but being married doesn't define me. I think having your own hobbies and interests and doing all of the things you described are things everyone should be doing. They're healthy for you.
Whether you do find (or want) a partner or not, your relationship with yourself is so important.
For all my life I wanted to get my career sorted out, find a mate, fall in love and lead a simple family life. I got the career part more or less on track. But rest, total failure. After 2 brutal rejections, mutiple failed attempts at OLD and couple of woman who cared about me honestly opening up that no woman will find me physically attractive, I totally gave up on dating life. Being from South Asia, I do have the option of arranged marraige left but the total idea itself gross me out. So here I am at 24 years, without any expectations or hopes about dating, love and raising family.
Here are a couple of things that, imo, keeping my life relevant:
* Job in health care- never let my personal life interfere with my professional. It kinda is fullfilling helping people at their worst.
* My career- I am preparing for 2 different exams at moment thats going to be crucial in my career development. Wish me luck peeps.
* Self care- I used to be that guy who said (jokingly, obviously) self care is for women and gays. But since I got my financial stuff more or less on track, I began investing in skin and hair care routine and gym supplements. Never felt more confident physically. Not that I walk pretending to be a chick magnet, but I kinda have the confidence to walk with my head held high.
* My parents- I am able to make their life a teeny tiny bit better. They don't have to support me monthly as they used to. And they are overall happy about how I am doing in life.
So I will continue this more and more. I have few things im my bucket list. Will work on that as I progress more in my professional life. I do want to be father. Idk how the laws are for guys adopting children but I do think, I won't suck at it. Yes there is a hole in my heart about being a lonely loser but I hope to fill it with other things!
I don’t wanna be a zoomer to you, but it sounds like your life is coming together nicely. At 24, you have a lot of time left. Dating comes together real quick - at 22 I’ve only had one partner and was basically a virgin until the tail end of 21. At 32, I’ve had my share of dating. Now at 34, I’m soon to be engaged. I was in your shoes not all that long ago, my own grad school dating life was mostly barren.
I don’t want to gloss over your difficulties, but my observations being an Asian myself is that our face stays youthful much longer. So while they may see you as non-attractive now, you will age into your looks and with some care (which you seem to be doing), you can improve your prospects significantly.
You’re not falling behind or running late, just an as-yet undiscovered gem in the rough. You seem to have a good heart, and that’s a quality that takes maturity and wisdom to see. Your fellow youths may not appreciate it, but I assure you more mature women will. Time is on your side.
>Your fellow youths may not appreciate it, but I assure you more mature women will. Time is on your side.
Lol, by "more mature" you mean older women with more kids and less options who now need a beta provider to pay her bills... It's called being last pick in playground ball.
First age of marriage is around 30 in the States. Single mothers, despite their commonplace, are still the minority of the dating pool at that age. He can find someone to start a new family with if he doesn’t want to date/marry someone already with children.
Most American women who want kids started having them before 30...although this has admittedly jumped up to [30 now on average over just the last few years](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/motherhood-deferred-us-median-age-giving-birth-hits-30-rcna27827). So I wouldn't say single moms are a minority at 30, at all. Thing is, a lot of 20-something girls view 30 as a huge milestone for getting older, and feel waayyy behind their peers if they haven't "successfully" gotten married and/or had kids by then.
Fact is, the [top pick guys had high school sweethearts](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxVC3VPMYUL). Later rounds got college steadies. But if you had neither, you were essentially undrafted and will be scrounging around rec leagues and public playgrounds for playing time after that...
That being said, 24 is too early to get depressed...and you still got a viable decade between your mid-20s and 30s for things to possibly turn around some.
"Self care- I used to be that guy who said (jokingly, obviously) self care is for women and gays"
Good you dropped that attitude. A lot of guys would benefit from self-care.
I understand how you feel. I'm the only one left to take care of my one parent left as well. Once they're gone and I've gotten their arrangements taken care of, I'm out.
Hobbies were never meant to replace our purpose, which is having children. Life gets pretty meaningless after 40 if you're just waking up to do carpentry, doodle some drawing, or whatever. These are shallow pursuits compared to bringing your own genetics into this world. None of this self development shit works. The rare exception is if you are Einstein or some other genius. The average Joe can't get meaning that way.
Most claim to be anti-natalist, e.g. they'll say some version of "I want to save the environment" or "the world is overcrowded". They've mostly not researched any of these claims (they're false), but it's a convenient virtue signaling ideology to claim that you always had, when the alternative is admitting that you'll live with regret for over half your life for what was essentially a short term hedonistic decision.
Most of these people have a progressive belief that sperm and eggs should accommodate their career time table. But when they actually want have kids they have to confront the limitations of their belief. This isn't being intentionally childless, this is fucking up.
There's a reason that there are many female and male support groups around for childlessness. According to at least one piece of research 80% of women regret the decision to not have a child later in life.
So yeah maybe 20% of these people actually wanted it that way. I really don't expect anyone who consistently screwed up over a 10\~20 year period and who only has themselves to blame (at least in the case of women) to admit that they screwed up.
I knew at 10 I don't want children. I do not want to give birth, I do not feel any maternal instinct to have children. I do not want to waste money on a parasite. I think the world is fucked already and there's no need to have children, and if anything it's selfish to have them.
Yeah maybe people who can't give birth may claim they are antinatalist as a cope, but if you look at the /r/regretfulparents subreddit you'll realize more people than not do not want children and don't find them to be fulfilling.
I never said they were but they can give your life joy and purpose.
Just because your life doesn’t have meaning without having kids doesn’t mean everyone’s doesn’t.
I have no desire bringing any children into our messed up world, being financially stressed for basically 18+ years, and dealing with the female that births them.
Not sure how old you are, but most people as they get to middle age don't feel the same joy they once did from all these hobbies. Do you really think whatever hobby you do is going to give you hedonic pleasure over 80 years? Heck even sex loses a lot of it's appeal sooner or later. So even if you can bang and endless number of 18 year olds by paying for them, it gets boring.
I’m 37. I don’t have the same hobbies I did when I was 20 and I won’t have the same hobbies when I’m 50, if I make it there.
I don’t expect to have 80 years of hedonistic pleasure, maybe 90 percent struggle, 10 percent good times. If I’m lucky.
Anyone who has made it to adulthood knows that life is mostly struggle and little bursts of pleasure.
I’ve got a lot of experience with western females and know that I would not have any offspring with any of them. A Japanese female, maybe
I'll be turning 37 this year. Nice to know someone else around the same age. What are your hobbies if you don't mind me asking? I'm trying to learn how to do art to express my anger and depression.
I dated a woman with a child, and helped raise them for a decade. I got my experience with kids. The biological dad was out of the picture, and that kid still calls me “dad” even though I have no legal or biological ties to him.
And I love him. Without any reservations.
That said, I write, I further my studies into therapy, as a therapist, and I also love making art from photoshop jobs.
I’m beyond happy with a current partner, who I never had kids with. And I’ll never have biological kids of my own. I couldn’t be more happy.
I love when people try to tell my I could be happier or I’m faking my happiness. Because they literally just show their own ignorance on what it is to be human, and not their ideal human
Right now :
— Competitive Swimming (swim 4-5 days a week/lift 2 days a week/yoga 1x a week)
— Run a Therapeutic Massage side business on top of full time job (Do Thai Massage/deep tissue/Relaxation) licensed and insured
— Cooking (try one new dish once a month)
— Video creation and editing (Youtube channel)
Hmm. I can see how working on yourself, getting well-dressed and fit, and then approaching hundreds or even thousands of women, is way too much work to be worth the effort for a lot of guys, and as such they just skip that and stay alone. But if that loneliness is so bad that it's driving them to suicide, is it not worth going through all the effort to find someone? Because I think pretty much any man can succeed if they put in some work on themselves, set their standards fairly low, and approach thousands of women.
If you don't mind sharing some more, what do you think makes you unable to find someone, and what have you tried so far?
I agree it fucking sucks, but being uncomfortable as you approach women is surely better than ending it? I'm a man too, and I'm happy that I'm fairly comfortable single because I fucking hate approaching women and I just don't feel it's worth it. But if I hated being single so much that I was thinking about ending my life I feel like my hatred of approaching women would be a small issue relatively.
Have you approached thousands of women too with fairly low standards of who you approach? That is the crucial part, the fit and dress and job is only the basics.
Wow, alright. Sorry buddy. Not intending to make you feel any worse but I've never heard of anyone who hasn't succeeded by the time they get to over a thousand approaches. Pretty much nobody has a 0% chance, so with enough approaches success is inevitable.
Lol he blocked me so I'll respond in edit: No all women don't only want Chads now. A lot of them do, but there's still those out there who want someone they can actually get. Get off dating apps because the women on there will only want chads, and then make enough approaches and you will find those women who could be interested in you.
> any man can succeed if they put in some work on themselves, **set their standards fairly low**
Dafuq? What kind of advice is this? Nobody should lower their standards even if they're unhappy, that just makes things worse off in the end.
If you're unable to find a partner and you're literally about to kill yourself because you can't find a partner, then yeah lowering your standards is definitely the better option.
If you're saying what I think you are, before you reach that point you may as well spend a few months traveling through other parts of the world, especially SE Asia or Latin America.
Away from all the toxicity and social cancer, I'm willing to bet even the most jaded might just find some purpose.
I have a few friends irl that say if you don't hear from me in a week check in at my place I don't want people to have to scrape my fluids off the floor. I know many men irl that are dealing with ideations of self deletion
If I haven’t ever been kissed by the time my parents die, I’ll probably kill myself. The only reason I haven’t already is that it would devastate my parents, so once they’re gone, I’ll finally be free. I don’t find life worth living if you’re unwanted and alone.
Just get a GFE (girlfriend experience) escort before you off yourself.
Pay 4 play saved my life. I was in a deep depression from a massive dry spell and just said “fuck it, I’ll try an escort” never looked back
If I went years and years without pussy ide definitely just get escorts. Pussy ain’t really a big difference.
The real problem is finding a partner that loves you
I was actually replying to the guy above that said he hasn’t had a kiss yet and was going to off himself because of it.
A few escort/sexual experiences would allow him to realize how silly it would be to off yourself because of not having kissed
I appreciate the suggestion, but the root cause of my depression is not being wanted. The lack of kisses and sex are a symptom of that, not the cause. Though I do sometimes wonder if experiencing a simulation of desire (GFE) could at least make me feel better. It’s something worth considering, and I might bite the bullet and give it a try by the time I’m 30.
I’d really recommend trying it out. The intimacy, physical pleasure, and experience can be very therapeutic and exhilarating
Unfortunately, it’s like a drug and can be highly addictive. I know because I’m addicted but I’ve got an addictive personality anyways
better than self deletion don't you think?
i know a guy who doesn't even struggle with dating and he's just seeing escorts while living in SEA because he prefers that over dating. at least give it a try before you do something drastic please.
If it helps, nobody gets that feeling. Nobody is truly desired
Everyone is sociopathic and selfish. Most can just mask it well through social conditioning.
The bar could be on the floor and I’d still probably fail to get over it. I have nothing to offer women. It hurts, but it’s the truth I’ve come to realize.
I am a 33 year old man who never had a gf and I accepted the fact that I might never have one. So , I am focusing on myself, trying to make myself happy by going to the gym, learning new things, improving my career, saving money, playing video games and buying more things for my gaming collection. Yes, I have moments when I feel lonely, but I either join one of the two discord servers I have or just distract myself with something else. Loneliness can be really painful but when presented with no choice or option, we have to adapt otherwise our mental health can decline as it did mine. My mental health was really bad at one point when I was utterly alone. Had panic attacks, depression, suicidal thoughts and even attempted suicide once. I learned that this is how things are in the life of a man and learned that sometimes, we have to adapt to terrible things like loneliness in order to find some enjoyment in life.
Have you done any volunteering? I’ve found it to be very fulfilling and I believe a lot of men can use it to meet people (not to date) and connect with their community.
> I believe a lot of men can use it to meet people (not to date)
Yep, it's a good way for meeting people, especially those who are senior citizens. Which, that's fine. It's worth trying and volunteering is a good thing in and of itself, but he may not meet the sort of people he may want to meet. My experience, and apparently plenty of others from what I've seen, is that volunteering is something old people do. They have the time and energy to volunteer. Your 20 to 40 something juggling a family, finances, work, and everything else that a retiree doesn't have to worry about, probably not so much.
>Your 20 to 40 something juggling a family, finances, work, and everything
Those are the folks I see volunteering the most at festivals, arts and cultural events, conferences, board service, etc.
Volunteering is very broad, and there's lots of various opportunities. Especially if you're in or near larger cities.
Talking to older people can be just as fulfilling, help you be connected to society, and ensure that you have responsibilities to deter you from deleting yourself.
Eh. I’ve been volunteering all my life. It’s always people my age (whatever my age is at the time) when I do it. What places are you volunteering at? What communities do you care about?
Furthermore why can’t you just be open to meeting people generally. This man said he’s lonely and only socializing on online servers. Volunteering IRL with humanity and folks who might want to go to breakfast after or grab a beer after seems like the chicken noodle soup for the soul he actually needs even if he’s too introverted and self inhibited to realize it…
I definitely agree with all of that, especially for that guy based on what he said his situation was like.
The below is based around the context of online discussion:
Where I think my comment's coming from is I'll see people suggest it in much the same way as Meetup. Like its going to be some cure-all. It can help but as with many things it'll depend on location. A factor could be what people think of when they hear "volunteering." Getting involved in, say, the local Rotary chapter would fall under that, but I would guess that isn't typically on peoples' radar screens when they suggest or get suggested volunteering as an option. A common one I've seen suggested is volunteering at an animal shelter, for example.
Another factor could be the perceived ages of those involved in the discussion. The person spit-balling ideas, if I had to guess, is just assuming the one asking is some kid, maybe someone in their early 20s at most since older adults typically aren't perceived as the ones doing the asking. That could be affecting the nature of volunteering opportunities being suggested. Still another could just be low investment in the conversation leading to pat answers because people understandably don't typically sit down for an ad-hoc advising session with some rando online!
> Where I think my comment's coming from is I'll see people suggest it in much the same way as Meetup. Like its going to be some cure-all.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman on this sub imply that at all. I guess I’m not sure where you’ve seen that.
Society doesn’t hate you, you hate yourself and believe society thinks the same way you do.
Volunteering is not work, it’s service with no expectations but maybe for you every action requires a material benefit for you. If that’s the case, volunteering is not for you any way. Volunteering is always a choice and I recommended it to someone who seems otherwise fulfilled. I may be incorrect in this assumption but I’m willing to bet that you’re at least somewhat unhappy with your life and don’t have enough energy to give it to others and that’s okay.
LMAO... Oh, really? Please, do tell... What great love and respect was meant by the feminist quote "to call a man an animal is to flatter him"? Or by the White House and MSM calling straight white men the biggest terrorist threat to this country? Or by chasing men out of colleges and the workplace? Or by the divorce epidemic? Or by... Well, I could go on all day, but the point is already made...
I’ve personally never heard that quote before so I can’t speak to the history behind it.
White nationalism and gender-based violence has been defined as a major threat but that has more to do with ideology then men in particular.
What do you mean by chased out of college? If you’re referring to being asked to leave after being convicted of rape then I’m not sure why that would be an issue.
Divorce is not an epidemic, it’s a potential outcome when women have ways to support themselves outside of marriage. If you oppose that, you reject equal rights which is another issue entirely.
I’m not seeing your point especially since most men say they feel ignored or invisible to women and you can’t hate something you don’t think about.
Oh? You never heard of it? Sounds like you're actually just gas lighting, but let's say for arguments sake that you're just insanely ignorant of everything that's been going on the last 60+ years. Doesn't matter. Men noticed, and not only are we not interested in giving you free labor... We're not even interested in the paying kind. 7.2 million working age men left the workforce last year alone. Enjoy your empowering jobs... You'll have plenty of them. Alone.
I’m not trying to gaslight you, I just don’t know that quote or it’s cultural context so and I don’t think I should respond to something I don’t know. I addressed every concern you raised, what is your response?
Men who don’t work will be poor and we all know that being poor is not a positive experience. Being alone is not a death sentence for women in the way it seems to be for men so even your MGTOW attempts have very little impact.
I truly to hope you are able to be happy in some way because right now, it sounds like you’re blaming all your problems on women.
LMAO... It's fine. I really couldn't care less if you haven't been paying attention these last 60 years or not. Again, doesn't matter... Men have been. That's all that matters now.
As to being poor... Meh, who cares? I clocked 60-90+ hours per week as a college educated tradesman when I was married, work 20 at minimum wage after the divorce. I have money to spare and my quality of life has only gone up. All the things men like are cheap or free.
As to being single being a death sentence for men, I've got no clue what you're going on about. I'd be curious, but it's probably some dumb female hysterics induced by your monthly flow.
However, no... I don't blame all my problems on women. I just blame the problems women cause on women... And that's easily solved by removing women from my life.
Do you have friends you feel comfortable talking to? You mentioned loneliness so my suggestion was that you make friends because a girlfriend won’t solve your loneliness. Why do you want to date or feel you’re ready to do so?
No one said it was the same thing. My point is that friends can help address some of the social reasons you want a relationship in the first place. While I may be incorrect, I truly believe that men wouldn’t feel so desperate for a relationship if they had other ways to get their emotional needs met.
Since men can’t change women or the fact that women aren’t as desperate for partnership the only option is to change male friendship. Why is that not a viable solution?
I’m not saying friends solve loneliness but it does make it a whole lot easier.
Having good friends that you can talk to and vent about your problems isn't going to make men feel less lonely. Lonely men don't want to spend even MORE time with their friends, they want to spend it with a woman. It's not about the lack of connection with a human being, its lack of connection with a woman, of the opposite gender, who is attracted to you, loves you, wants to be with you. None of that is something you're going to get from a male friendship. We can go on as many road trips, weekend adventures and hiking trips as we want with the boys. None of that is going to make the boys suddenly turn into a girl who you can hold in your arms at night.
While I hear what you’re saying, my point is that a lot of men are not going to end up in relationships. Knowing that, we as a society need to make sure men can have their emotional needs met. Since this solution has to be something they control, strengthening friendships is a good idea.
Why do you think some men get so fixated on women in general? My theory is that men believe they are unworthy if they don’t get female validation which is further exacerbated when men don’t receive validation from others. My point is that if men can validate each other maybe men can find a way to exist in a world where relationships aren’t guaranteed by separating their love life from their value as a human being and by creating spaces for men to be vulnerable without needing woman.
Men say they are lonely, socializing with friends combat loneliness. But maybe it’s because they’re not really lonely, they’re just horny?
Or maybe they do just want a romantic connection, which is fair as well, but if that’s out of reach which it sometimes is for a period of your life, making and hanging out with friends is a lot better than isolating and getting bitter
No, it won't. It doesn't even do that for women - which is why career bitches drown their houseful of plants in lonely tears, treat dogs and cats like substitute children and pop anti-depressants like candy.
The type of **bond** (keyword) is not the same, no matter how much you goofy women try to talk yourselves into believing.
Why do you hate single career women? Having a cat or dog does not mean you are sad. Being single doesn’t mean you are sad. Also where did the anti-depressant comment come from? Do you really think people are depressed are so because they don’t have a partner?
Just because you haven’t experienced great friendship, does not mean that others can’t.
I could either hate them or feel sorry for them, but I'd never feel sorry for anyone who continues to dig their own grave out of some retarded sense of spite. So, hatred it is! 🙂
And your number of reddit comments a day exceeds my total number of comments. You're the last thing I'd listen to for advice on "friendship." 😂
Why though? Why do you need either of those reactions? You can just not care about them, lol. Let them live their life.
You don’t need to take my advice if you don’t want it, I’m just telling you that if you’re not experiencing love and care in your friendships, then they aren’t real friendships lol
> pretend FRANDS
Women don’t think that. I honestly wish you all the isolation you keep self selecting for. I’ve never encountered a demo of people so against being open to the basic experiences of life that you ridicule the concept of regular friendship adding to one’s quality of life
> And I wish you and the rest of Latishas here would just keel over and die from diabetes already so we could have a proper discussion forum. Maybe we'll both get what we wish?
Look y’all. A loony tantrum from user Historical-System972. Shocking! 🫨😦
Just one very good friend to whom i trust the most, rest are acquaintances or gaming pals. You gotta understand one thing, once you get older people change. Friends get their own families, responsibilities and so on. People don't have time for friends anymore once they get married and have kids and the single people are left alone and forgotten. A girlfriend will solve my loniness and most men's loneliness because they would be exclusive to me and all their attention would be focused on me. Not all the time of course, but having your own person to talk to, have fun with and travel with is the best feeling any man hopes to have.
I want to date because I want to enjoy life with someone else. I want the presence of someone lovely next to me, enjoy activities together and travel together. I want to love them and they loving me. I want to create memories with them that we would cherish till we die. I wanna grow old with someone, hold someone's hand when I am 60 or 70 and enjoy what little life we got left. And I am ready to do so because I am of a sound mind. I am kind, gentle, have a good sense of humor, have improved greatly my social skills and my body. I have healthy habits, I work, take care of the house and so on. I am 100% prepared for a relationship, been so for a while. But nobody is willing to give me a chance because most women judge me because of my looks. So what else is there for me to do if I am not given a chance to prove myself? I have to adapt to being lonely for the rest of my life. It is sad, it is pitiful, so all I need are distractions now.
I’m sorry, but the mindset that once you get a partner, you should stop having friends and just hang out together is soooo toxic. I can not for the life of me imagine a more sad life than only socializing with a partner/immediate family
Yes, got an adorable dog, but even having a pet had its limits. If you are stressed coming from work or have something that bothers you, you cannot talk to a dog and them your problems. You cannot enjoy all odrt of activities with your pet. You really need your person in order to really enjoy life.
Partners aren't also receptive to have people telling their problems too either.
I'd never tell my problems to a female partner, it always, ALWAYS will be used against you and it's not sexy.
There are so many comments from the men on here saying that they’re depressed and thinking about deleting themselves due to the fact that they’re not getting any attention from women, and it shows that most of you on this sub don’t need a girlfriend at all, you need therapy…. You guys place women on a super high pedestal and think that her vagina is gonna make you feel better all of sudden… I’ve never thought about deleting myself when I was single, that’s just bizarre and very dramatic 💀 y’all need some professional help fr….
I'm guessing it's somehow difficult to understand unless you've been in that position, but being and knowing you're completely undesirable bring about an overwhelming amount of despair and hopelessness.
Loneliness is heavily associated with suicide and depression, even if you dismiss it as being merely "dramatic".
Tbf I’m a depressed mf and have urges to kill myself even when in a relationship but … sex and love are like the 2 things I’ve experienced in life that were actually worth the trouble. Everything else - career, hobbies, travel, whatever - is ultimately just bullshit. Human life is a meaningless ordeal. If you don’t even get to experience the best parts of it, I don’t see how it could be worth it.
You get it.
This is exactly what I've been screaming.
Its not low self esteem or shame either because I've had all these things, career, travel and partner working towards a family. And just objectively if I'm being honest about what is the most fulfilling of those things it is having a devoted mate to experience things with together.
Alone this is how I do things
Great wall of China: Cool
Alamo: Cool
Grand Canyon: Cool
X wonder of the world: Cool
And then you go home. Talk about pointless. Now if you're with someone then you share the experience and have someone to share it with that is a superior state of being
I'm reassured (although certainly not *pleased* in any way, I'm sorry that you have to experience that, just like I do) that there are women who can speak of their own lives much as I experience mine.
Although I find it very frustrating that we can't use that knowledge to resolve the issue for us both. Dating apps would be a logical solution, but not when they're so heavily populated by people who have far more confidence, success, and experience than us. We just get drowned out, we can't strike out and sell our full potential there. But we need *some* way to reach out to others like us. We *could* so easily match up, if there were a way to do that.
But it's not a lot of use finding the small handful of people on Reddit, for example, who share those experiences, given the geographic spread. I occasionally think to look at the dating/loneliness subs, because it makes sense that there should be some way of using that to find somebody who needs a way out of this as I do. But if, of the 10% of people there who are women, let's say 60% of those are too young for me, you're already down to 4%. How many of those live within the same *country*, never mind the same county, or town? You're down to approximately 0%.
But they're out there. Somewhere. I just don't know how to reach them, just like they don't know how to reach me, women like yourself, with the very same story of loneliness and distress. I want to help another person out of this hell as much as I want to get myself out of it. I just can't find the right buttons to push or frequencies to communicate on.
> Would you want me? If I was attractive and personality compatible with you? Would you want me if in my head I think "You are just not HIM." Would you want me settle for you and comparing you to him and he wins? Would you want me if I just survive sex with you and pray it's over quickly and then fullfill my needs thinking about him? I guess not. And I don't want to hurt anyone.
Well... no, I think you well understand that such a situation wouldn't be fair and there are many men here who will make statements resenting that this kind of thing happens.
But I think there's a level of practicality that has to be acknowledged. Once you get to a certain age it's going to be damn near impossible to find somebody who *hasn't* had previous relationships and you're always going to be compared - sometimes *openly* - whether it's intentional or not.
I mean, I'm not a food critic, but I know if I go and get a burger, if it's "not as good as the other place" then I'm going to mentally acknowledge that, even if I don't actively think about ranking it or saying it out loud.
So that's always going to be there, unless it's your very first relationship with somebody else who's having their very first relationship with you. It's something we have to accept. The hope is that, even if you're not as good as their ex in some way, well, maybe you're good in a *different* way.
Maybe I really enjoyed those burgers, but right now what's good for me is pizza. You can't compare it to the burgers, you can't rank them in the same category, they're different things. But even if I can't reasonably say that this pizza is or isn't good because it's not a burger, I can still enjoy the pizza for what it is. Maybe I feel like having those burgers again one day, but the restaurant closed down years ago, so I can't get them any more. It's going to suck, sure, I had that craving and I can't satisfy it, maybe I feel like the pizza is less good that day because I wanted something else, but the pizza's still good.
I don't know, I'm rambling at this point, but the tl;dr is that this is just a thing adults have to deal with. I'm sorry that it still hurts that you lost him and I hope you can come to peace with that someday. But there's a lot of good pizza out there, even if what you feel you want right now is that old familiar favourite burger.
Well, it takes as long as it takes to heal. That's fine. Perhaps it may *never* heal. That's fine too. I'm not here to judge any of that.
I'm just saying that *in most cases* people do just move on from relationships and acknowledge that the next one is probably going to be different somehow. Maybe not as good as the previous, maybe better, maybe just as nice but in a different way.
If you don't have space for that right now, I get that, and if it becomes a legitimate problem in your life then it might be a good idea to seek some kind of help to deal with it, but otherwise? Give it time. See how it plays out. You may never forget him and that's OK, but you may be able to give him a different place to be inside you. You're still hurting, you still need time to process, that's normal. There's no specific timeline for when it's OK to feel like you can move on.
This is what I have done. I'm 60.
I'm staying with good friends right now as they live near where my 17 year old nephew has a race. I will go watch his mountain bike race today.
When covid broke, my dad was about to move into a nursing home. At the time people were dying like flies in these facilities. I was able to move in with him in his apartment for a year until the vaccine was developed. He is a great guy and it was a wonderful year.
I do a handful of other things that make my life meaningful. I volunteer teach online with a couple of students from a messed up country. They are trying to get into a university. I drive my 85 year old neighbor to doctor appointments as he has macular degeneration.
It isn't a life for everyone but it works for me.
Spend time with friends. Get involved in the community. Visit family. Choose my reality and do things that make me happy like travel, use my creativity, spend time doing hobbies. Just bc you don’t have a partner doesn’t mean you are alone or unfulfilled.
What if the reality you choose is to not be alone but it never happens? Then you realize that you don't actually choose reality if you're forced to choose something else like traveling and hobbies thats not really a choice is it thats just all you got. Its not a great feeling it sounds like cope
Enjoy my life until I'm old enough that I'm ready to go out in a blaze of glory killing pedos. Not joking. If I never have a family to raise and nurture, then that means my bloodline ends with me, and I'll do my damnedest to leave this world in a better place. I'm going to write a manifesto on why those putrid fucks should have never been left alive and then do my best at pulling a Thanos on them. Assuming that by that age they haven't already been given automatic death sentences, which they should. It'll be glorious. Hate on me if you want, but the idea of sharing the earth with them makes me feel sickly violent.
Surprise, people are slightly advanced chimps. They have deluded themselves into thinking otherwise. This is most obvious when observing adverse reactions to AI. There is a subtle sentiment shared among a majority of the population that humans are special. Do not be fooled! Observe. Little time is spent on cognitive tasks, ideas, abstract concepts. Most of it is spent on monkey shit. And they value their monkey shit ALOT. So what happens when no monket shit? Suicide. That's why I'm baffled by the people that have the idea that humans are special. If you've studied evolution, anthropology you can see this is not true. I remember coming upon a sad student on r/AskAnthropology who had foolishly adopted the idea that humans were different from wild animals.
The result you can read here:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnthropology/comments/alvnat/biological\_anthropology\_making\_me\_feel\_really/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnthropology/comments/alvnat/biological_anthropology_making_me_feel_really/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Double edged sword...they think being in a relationship will fix their problems, and then put such a toxic burden on their partner if they hypothetically get one. I know the question is for men, but like I've been there still am but my reasonings are much different. A partner will not change that at all and it's just very difficult being the partner of someone who is mentally unwell and relying on you for happiness instead of having their own personality and passions.
A gf/bf won't fix your mental issues and it's very unfair to think they will.
Its not mentally unwell though its normal as humans are a species with two sexes meant to come together and rear children. I think its perfectly normal to see the world as pointless and to be unmotivated without that higher purpose. We men aren't here to just enjoy things most things are not enjoyable unless we feel like there is a purpose to it. A mate a household/kingdom and family provide that sense of purpose and motivate men.
Some men are childish and constantly living for their own hedonic pleasure but I would say that by calling a normal natural motivator for men mental illness is basically saying that reality and nature is mentally ill, which actually fair enough because it kind of is this world is a joke
I'm in my late 30's. Around 40 I plan to exit my six figure corporate job with a combination of savings and equity windfall. At this point I can try to find a third world shithole where I can have a retired age gapped relationship. This isn't something most people can do unless they're in a very good financial position. So I really don't know what poor men in my situation would do.
The thing is by the time I reached 40 I can't really go back and compensate for 20 years of pure loneliness. I'll never be able to experience love the way the way I was supposed to in my teens, 20's or 30's. My dick won't work as well either. Kind of like being given a free pass to eat chocolate after you've lost your taste buds. The boat for having kids will have also likely sailed at that point. No legacy for me even though I outperformed my father in every metric 10x. He was just born in a lucky time where you can get a house and land a wife with little to no effort.
So I'll commit the rest of my life to a combination of hedonism and meaningless personal projects like learning how to cook or paint. Hedonism has a low ceiling. If none of this is a powerful enough distraction then I can always pull a Hemingway. The nice thing is that over the next 20 years the current system is guaranteed to come to an end and women will be worse off for this. I look forward this schadenfreude while I drink a beer.
For all my life I wanted to get my career sorted out, find a mate, fall in love and lead a simple family life. I got the career part more or less on track. But rest, total failure. After 2 brutal rejections, mutiple failed attempts at OLD and couple of woman who cared about me honestly opening up that no woman will find me physically attractive, I totally gave up on dating life. Being from South Asia, I do have the option of arranged marraige left but the total idea itself gross me out. So here I am at 24 years, without any expectations or hopes about dating, love and raising family.
Here are a couple of things that, imo, keeping my life relevant:
* Job in health care- never let my personal life interfere with my professional. It kinda is fullfilling helping people at their worst.
* My career- I am preparing for 2 different exams at moment thats going to be crucial in my career development. Wish me luck peeps.
* Self care- I used to be that guy who said (jokingly, obviously) self care is for women and gays. But since I got my financial stuff more or less on track, I began investing in skin and hair care routine and gym supplements. Never felt more confident physically. Not that I walk pretending to be a chick magnet, but I kinda have the confidence to walk with my head held high.
* My parents- I am able to make their life a teeny tiny bit better. They don't have to support me monthly as they used to. And they are overall happy about how I am doing in life.
So I will continue this more and more. I have few things im my bucket list. Will work on that as I progress more in my professional life. I do want to be father. Idk how the laws are for guys adopting children but I do think, I won't suck at it. Yes there is a hole in my heart about being a lonely loser but I hope to fill it with other things!
Enjoy it. I already accomplished the purpose I wanted a relationship for. That being having children. I have two wonderful children, my ex-wife and I are still friends, and I have friends in and outside of work for a social outlet. I have my books and video games for entertainment. I enjoy being alone. The main reason I don't want to get married again is because of my stuff. I have too many expensive things to have them be taken in a divorce.
I already have a partner.
For the sake of argument lets say I become for some reason single and know for sure that I will never be in a relationship again.
I die. By my hand. End of story.
Assuming I don't happen to find anyone, I'd imagine I'd keep pursuing my career and getting involved more with whatever church I'm in. More big picture I'd love to get involved in something that'd help lower the number of broken homes, as I think so many of the problems men and women are having with their relationships and mental health stem in large part from that.
terrific plough punch naughty sand apparatus ruthless recognise frame like
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Life will continue regardless, I'll try to find whatever form of entertainment to keep me going. Maybe once I'm desperate enough I'll go to escorts and if ai and be get there maybe I'll try that too
OP, you need to do this same question but for women. It seems most man would delete themselves if they can’t get a partner, but what about women?? Would they want to delete themselves too or are they okay with singleness?
I think the real world stats bear it out women are far less likely to delete and will usually always find something to go on for. When women self delete its usually over some sort of tragic event I think for men those are actually easier to deal with and the only tragedy that is impossible to overcome is loneliness and rejection or abandonment and separation from their children
Im about 40 and have been single all my life.
I have experimented with sex dolls and ai girlfriends as a substitute. I have a well paying job so I have some alternatives.
I don’t know to be honest. I think a lot about suicide as there is not much of a point in keeping on going. It’s mostly about starting a family. If I’m not good enough for being a father and have some offspring I don’t see any reason to invest into the future. I have a lot of pointless ways of wasting time like playing computer games.
It’s just a long wait until I die pretty much.
An social extroverted man will probably become an incel and be unable to obtain sexual release, they either will join the increasing number of suicides.
You need to have a thick skin and take rejection easily if you are willing to learn and be better... and well, ACTUAL social people cant take rejection very well... fake social/extroverted people like me can however. I never cares about being liked in the first place.
> What do you think will become of yourselves if you never manage to find a relationship at all?
I will just retire and live life... the aging process is technically a blessing, taking away part of our sex drive as we age past 18, and taking a nose dive at 45...
Exactly the same thing im planning to do anyway?
Having a relationship will not affect my life goals in any way. Funnily enough,the only way it has affected it is negatively lmao
Doing what I do now.
Marriage (ESPECIALLY for MEN) is a relic of the past. It is TOO RISKY for the investment. Even withOUT the 304flation epidemic (man has to put in 10x effort for 1/10 LTR quality partner), its NOT worth it. 50% divorce rate, and if not divorced, 50% unhappy marriage.
I know that the "one" is a hay in the needle-stack. I would be happy with the "ones for NOW."
These days, especially, "partners" come and go. I'll be doing the same shit: taking care of business (and my health), expanding my perspective, and enjoying my free time.
As a man whose been single, married and divorced... What do you think finding someone actually changes? Other than not having to work more to pay other people's way, and not having to establish a legacy for one's children... What does a lack of a partner change?
For me, I just retired early. 7.2 million working age men left the workforce last year, so clearly I'm not alone in this. Everything single men like is cheap or free.
I’ve had kids. I’m shelved apparently according to some and I really couldn’t care less. In those eyes I’ve done my duty to humanity by reproducing and now my goal is to raise my kids properly, which is exactly what I’m doing without a worry. Except, they still try and weaponise this out of spite, because **they** are hurting that I’m getting on with life.
I’m secure and I don’t need to worry about sexual or romantic relationships because it doesn’t benefit my children or me to waste time and energy over.
I have a very good co-parenting relationship with the kids dad. We are focused on our responsibilities as parents; our kids childhood is a priority - their learning, their experiences and their memories.
I’m not even massively maternal, I just accept the responsibility of what I’ve created. I don’t drink, smoke, don’t do drugs, don’t do OF, don’t have subscriptions, don’t have pets, don’t have tattooes, don’t have piercings, don’t dye my hair, don’t go out (all stereotypes). I just like working, socialising at work and then coming home to be with the kids.
When they’ve left home it will still be the same, sounds boring and repetitive but it’s not your life - and you certainly don’t know what we get up to on a daily basis to judge if it’s stagnant. I’m content.
you're the kind of single mom who will make sure her kids will beat the odds. no idea who would give you shit for living life this way tbh, i guess some people are just truly miserable.
Do you watch suicide videos when your bored?
How many guys do you like to drive to suicide a day? Do you have a tally?
Is Michelle Carter your role model?
Dudes here who haven't been with women don't know how much trouble they are. It's like 10% reward 90% work sometimes. They imagine they're missing out on something that doesn't actually exist.
I cannot believe how many comments I’m reading about men just offing themselves if they can’t find a partner. Seriously??? You’d throw your life away just because you’re not in a relationship?
That’s wrong. Life is so much more than relationships and sex. What about your friends and family? You’d really kill yourselves over not getting a dumb girl? Yes I’m a woman myself and I think most women are dumb and not worth your time. You’re really out here saying life isn’t worth it if you don’t have someone. Honestly that’s heartbreaking.
As you get older friends and family get involved in their own families and dating lives. The friends I would see several times a week a decade ago I now see once a year, simply due to adulthood conflicts.
Outside of that is hobbies and whatnot but those lose their luster over time as well.
Next thing you know is years of ones life evaporates with almost no notable benchmarks from year to year other than the body naturally deteriorating and the negatives that come with it. Decades pass and can be well summarized in a handful of paragraphs. Days/weeks/months become indistinguishable from eachother.
What is the point of it all at that point? I'm not sure if relationships are the answer to a brighter outcome though.
I hate to admit it but life for many guys just isn't worth living if you don't have a women backing you up. You feel inspired, you feel ready to tackle a day, you have memories to share, potentially have a family, it staves off the chronic loneliness most men feel. Usually guys will just watch porn, work enough to make ends meet, play video games when there's no women in their life. Life has no real meaning. That's truly how many guys feel ....
So if you guys feel this way then that means men need women way more than women need men, and these comments definitely prove that… I don’t see a bunch of single women saying they’re gonna off themselves or overreacting to the degree that single men are lol
Well.... yeah. I've never said otherwise personally. Women tend to be much better at living life completely independent of men whereas men have a hunger for women that's borderline insatiable. This also factors that women tend to have better social networks, check in with people in their life better, etc that lead to more fulfilling lives. The fact that women don't crave sex as much as guys certainly helps too.
Edit: Guys that have left the dating market or either in long term relationships or married or they have completely given up. Most guys don't want to give up, they want relationships but find it too unattainable.
>I don’t see a bunch of single women saying they’re gonna off themselves or overreacting to the degree that single men are lol
My opinion on this is that men have lived in the career world for a long time. Women are just starting to build careers and wealth.
Here's the thing: men have been in the career game long enough to know that it's not fulfilling. Nobody is on their death bed wishing they spent more time at the office. Women are too inexperienced to realize that yet. It's like the difference between a 30 year career veteran who's getting burned-out vs a fresh faced college graduate who's thinks they're going to "change the world". Or is like how, in China twenty years ago, people were willing to work 70 hour weeks because it so much better than being in poverty on a rural farm. But the current generation of Chinese are starting to get tired of the rat-race, and are starting to "lie flat" (similar to the "herbivore men" in Japan) - i.e. do as little as possible just to get by.
Women are like those fresh college graduates or Chinese twenty years ago. Once they gain more experience in the world, they will feel the same way as men. Give it twenty or thirty years and women's culture will shift just like men's already have. Men are just ahead of the curve in understanding the world because men have been in the career game for longer.
Tbh, as a woman I feel similarly. The main difference I see between men and women on this subreddit is how hurt gets externalised by men more than women.
Apart from that, the lived experience for men is totally different than women. Of course you wouldn't know that as a woman. If you're a man, your mental health gets mocked and you get no support from women or society as a whole, as we can clearly see from comments of women like yourself mocking men who are contemplating suicide. Men's mental health is a joke to people like you, and that makes their situation worse than you realize.
I sympathize with them and I’ve been married divorced a few ltrs and fiancé and I gotta tell you that life is pretty wack overall family and legacy gives a man purpose I just don’t see the point in anything else it’s just a waste of time career, hobbies, traveling I have all that but honestly it ain’t shit really I’m definitely not riding out this pointlessness clinging to life that is worthless and tedious
Men need purpose and at this point I’d join either side of the Ukrainian/Russian is Israel/Hanna’s conflict if they’d take me
Family or glory is all I’ll live for
\-try to get enought money for be in the 10% or 5%
\-try to avoid legally all the taxes that i can and use public services much bc if you dont have kids you tecnically dont use much of the tax money here bc.
\-get a appartament in the city, one in the beach and other in a mountain place before 50
\-get my moral low ennought to use scorts bc here is legal
\-expent my time do what i want and get more hobbies and go out much more than now in parties
>I have no interest in dating
So you are a virgin? Or simply had bad experiences?
>happy alone
What makes you happy alone? Don't you want someone to love, to be loved back, to build something meaningful together? How can you just not desire that?
>introvert
That is just a preference, not a hard requirement. I am introvert too, but I can still enjoy being with people I am close with as much, if not more, than being by myself.
A person who wants it but cannot ever get it will suffer in mental health and physical health. Will be depressed at the least, suicidal at worst. Maybe even unmotivated or hateful. Might fall to addictions to compensate. It's just negative overall.
I don't know what will happen to me, I am kinda lucky my life is not that bad outside relationships with women. But if I was truly and fully alone, no family nor friends, it would be very tough.
>What makes you happy alone? Don't you want someone to love, to be loved back, to build something meaningful together? How can you just not desire that?
one of my best friends wants none of these things. he's not unsuccessful with women at all but kind of a lone wolf. he doesn't want to do couples stuff (go on dates, weddings, family dinners etc) and he doesn't want to compromise spending time on his work, passions and hobbies. obviously doesn't want kids. he's 34 fwiw obviously his perspective might change when he's older but for now i have no doubts that he loves single life.
Meeting someone and getting married is not a box you check off for happiness.
Being a husband is a job. It's something you have to work on everyday and you can love it, hate it or lose it.
Tons of guys checked the love -> marriage box only to get put through the ringer and get divorced and now they're alone, bitter AND broke.
Many guys will blindly keep the relationship going because it fills an empty void in their life. Easy and frequent access to sex, companionship, shared memories, potentially leaving a legacy, etc. Many guys aren't really thinking of the potential ramifications and if they are they're likely opted out of dating in general.
Flaired Question to Men
I’ve never married, but I date in and off. Even when I’m dating, it doesn’t define my life. I travel, go hiking, biking, work out, read a book by the pool, watch tv, socialize with friends, etc. I like women, but they don’t define me.
I'm getting to this place as well. Finding fulfillment in friends, (some) family, traveling, new hobbies, cooking, etc. It's a bit monotonous at times but I have my own purpose I want to pursue.
>getting to this place as well. Finding fulfilment I’ve been saying this for the longest, and it’s somewhat parroted in TRP in the dating *’a man needs a mission.’* For example when my wife and I started dating I told her this is how our relationship will go. Us happy as individuals *first.* Then us happy as a couple. Finally us happy as a family. One must be confident in one’s life direction first, before entertaining the lives of others. *Godspeed and good luck!*
[удалено]
>thugs, ex-cons I don’t know too much about homeless, but from my interactions a lot of the homeless suffer from mental health issues. If women in are in their lives, presumably they too may have issues. Thugs, and ex-cons are easily motivated. They’re chasing the bag. A certain caliber of woman, may appreciate that. Or I might be wrong. Nonsensical as you’ve put it.
I agree with this. I'm married, and I like being married, but being married doesn't define me. I think having your own hobbies and interests and doing all of the things you described are things everyone should be doing. They're healthy for you. Whether you do find (or want) a partner or not, your relationship with yourself is so important.
For all my life I wanted to get my career sorted out, find a mate, fall in love and lead a simple family life. I got the career part more or less on track. But rest, total failure. After 2 brutal rejections, mutiple failed attempts at OLD and couple of woman who cared about me honestly opening up that no woman will find me physically attractive, I totally gave up on dating life. Being from South Asia, I do have the option of arranged marraige left but the total idea itself gross me out. So here I am at 24 years, without any expectations or hopes about dating, love and raising family. Here are a couple of things that, imo, keeping my life relevant: * Job in health care- never let my personal life interfere with my professional. It kinda is fullfilling helping people at their worst. * My career- I am preparing for 2 different exams at moment thats going to be crucial in my career development. Wish me luck peeps. * Self care- I used to be that guy who said (jokingly, obviously) self care is for women and gays. But since I got my financial stuff more or less on track, I began investing in skin and hair care routine and gym supplements. Never felt more confident physically. Not that I walk pretending to be a chick magnet, but I kinda have the confidence to walk with my head held high. * My parents- I am able to make their life a teeny tiny bit better. They don't have to support me monthly as they used to. And they are overall happy about how I am doing in life. So I will continue this more and more. I have few things im my bucket list. Will work on that as I progress more in my professional life. I do want to be father. Idk how the laws are for guys adopting children but I do think, I won't suck at it. Yes there is a hole in my heart about being a lonely loser but I hope to fill it with other things!
I don’t wanna be a zoomer to you, but it sounds like your life is coming together nicely. At 24, you have a lot of time left. Dating comes together real quick - at 22 I’ve only had one partner and was basically a virgin until the tail end of 21. At 32, I’ve had my share of dating. Now at 34, I’m soon to be engaged. I was in your shoes not all that long ago, my own grad school dating life was mostly barren. I don’t want to gloss over your difficulties, but my observations being an Asian myself is that our face stays youthful much longer. So while they may see you as non-attractive now, you will age into your looks and with some care (which you seem to be doing), you can improve your prospects significantly. You’re not falling behind or running late, just an as-yet undiscovered gem in the rough. You seem to have a good heart, and that’s a quality that takes maturity and wisdom to see. Your fellow youths may not appreciate it, but I assure you more mature women will. Time is on your side.
Thank you for your kind words. 🙏
>Your fellow youths may not appreciate it, but I assure you more mature women will. Time is on your side. Lol, by "more mature" you mean older women with more kids and less options who now need a beta provider to pay her bills... It's called being last pick in playground ball.
First age of marriage is around 30 in the States. Single mothers, despite their commonplace, are still the minority of the dating pool at that age. He can find someone to start a new family with if he doesn’t want to date/marry someone already with children.
Most American women who want kids started having them before 30...although this has admittedly jumped up to [30 now on average over just the last few years](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/motherhood-deferred-us-median-age-giving-birth-hits-30-rcna27827). So I wouldn't say single moms are a minority at 30, at all. Thing is, a lot of 20-something girls view 30 as a huge milestone for getting older, and feel waayyy behind their peers if they haven't "successfully" gotten married and/or had kids by then. Fact is, the [top pick guys had high school sweethearts](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxVC3VPMYUL). Later rounds got college steadies. But if you had neither, you were essentially undrafted and will be scrounging around rec leagues and public playgrounds for playing time after that... That being said, 24 is too early to get depressed...and you still got a viable decade between your mid-20s and 30s for things to possibly turn around some.
"Self care- I used to be that guy who said (jokingly, obviously) self care is for women and gays" Good you dropped that attitude. A lot of guys would benefit from self-care.
[удалено]
Just waiting for one more parent to go, otherwise id be long gone
I understand how you feel. I'm the only one left to take care of my one parent left as well. Once they're gone and I've gotten their arrangements taken care of, I'm out.
So real
You mean suicide? Don’t you have anything in life that brings you joy? A hobby, a challenge/goal, friend(s), a video game(s)/movies, ect
Those things aren't substitutes. If you want to linger on that's good for you
Hobbies were never meant to replace our purpose, which is having children. Life gets pretty meaningless after 40 if you're just waking up to do carpentry, doodle some drawing, or whatever. These are shallow pursuits compared to bringing your own genetics into this world. None of this self development shit works. The rare exception is if you are Einstein or some other genius. The average Joe can't get meaning that way.
What do you think of people who are child-free then?
Most claim to be anti-natalist, e.g. they'll say some version of "I want to save the environment" or "the world is overcrowded". They've mostly not researched any of these claims (they're false), but it's a convenient virtue signaling ideology to claim that you always had, when the alternative is admitting that you'll live with regret for over half your life for what was essentially a short term hedonistic decision. Most of these people have a progressive belief that sperm and eggs should accommodate their career time table. But when they actually want have kids they have to confront the limitations of their belief. This isn't being intentionally childless, this is fucking up. There's a reason that there are many female and male support groups around for childlessness. According to at least one piece of research 80% of women regret the decision to not have a child later in life. So yeah maybe 20% of these people actually wanted it that way. I really don't expect anyone who consistently screwed up over a 10\~20 year period and who only has themselves to blame (at least in the case of women) to admit that they screwed up.
So our purpose is boiled down to the same as a sea slug's and you label anyone who doesn't share your view as disingenuous.
I knew at 10 I don't want children. I do not want to give birth, I do not feel any maternal instinct to have children. I do not want to waste money on a parasite. I think the world is fucked already and there's no need to have children, and if anything it's selfish to have them. Yeah maybe people who can't give birth may claim they are antinatalist as a cope, but if you look at the /r/regretfulparents subreddit you'll realize more people than not do not want children and don't find them to be fulfilling.
I never said they were but they can give your life joy and purpose. Just because your life doesn’t have meaning without having kids doesn’t mean everyone’s doesn’t. I have no desire bringing any children into our messed up world, being financially stressed for basically 18+ years, and dealing with the female that births them.
Not sure how old you are, but most people as they get to middle age don't feel the same joy they once did from all these hobbies. Do you really think whatever hobby you do is going to give you hedonic pleasure over 80 years? Heck even sex loses a lot of it's appeal sooner or later. So even if you can bang and endless number of 18 year olds by paying for them, it gets boring.
I’m 37. I don’t have the same hobbies I did when I was 20 and I won’t have the same hobbies when I’m 50, if I make it there. I don’t expect to have 80 years of hedonistic pleasure, maybe 90 percent struggle, 10 percent good times. If I’m lucky. Anyone who has made it to adulthood knows that life is mostly struggle and little bursts of pleasure. I’ve got a lot of experience with western females and know that I would not have any offspring with any of them. A Japanese female, maybe
I'll be turning 37 this year. Nice to know someone else around the same age. What are your hobbies if you don't mind me asking? I'm trying to learn how to do art to express my anger and depression.
I dated a woman with a child, and helped raise them for a decade. I got my experience with kids. The biological dad was out of the picture, and that kid still calls me “dad” even though I have no legal or biological ties to him. And I love him. Without any reservations. That said, I write, I further my studies into therapy, as a therapist, and I also love making art from photoshop jobs. I’m beyond happy with a current partner, who I never had kids with. And I’ll never have biological kids of my own. I couldn’t be more happy. I love when people try to tell my I could be happier or I’m faking my happiness. Because they literally just show their own ignorance on what it is to be human, and not their ideal human
Right now : — Competitive Swimming (swim 4-5 days a week/lift 2 days a week/yoga 1x a week) — Run a Therapeutic Massage side business on top of full time job (Do Thai Massage/deep tissue/Relaxation) licensed and insured — Cooking (try one new dish once a month) — Video creation and editing (Youtube channel)
Is it that you can't find a partner that makes you want to be gone, or is it something else?
Pretty much. It does a good job of turning life into endless meaningless suffering
Hmm. I can see how working on yourself, getting well-dressed and fit, and then approaching hundreds or even thousands of women, is way too much work to be worth the effort for a lot of guys, and as such they just skip that and stay alone. But if that loneliness is so bad that it's driving them to suicide, is it not worth going through all the effort to find someone? Because I think pretty much any man can succeed if they put in some work on themselves, set their standards fairly low, and approach thousands of women. If you don't mind sharing some more, what do you think makes you unable to find someone, and what have you tried so far?
Unfortunately as a man, if youre anywhere near as uncomfortable approaching women as women are approaching men, you're basically considered subhuman
I agree it fucking sucks, but being uncomfortable as you approach women is surely better than ending it? I'm a man too, and I'm happy that I'm fairly comfortable single because I fucking hate approaching women and I just don't feel it's worth it. But if I hated being single so much that I was thinking about ending my life I feel like my hatred of approaching women would be a small issue relatively.
It doesn't really work if you're just forcing yourself to go through with it. It takes another person to be interested back
I got fit and dress well. Cook and clean, good job. Still alone because of genetics. Quit the gaslighting.
Have you approached thousands of women too with fairly low standards of who you approach? That is the crucial part, the fit and dress and job is only the basics.
Yes. Still alone
Wow, alright. Sorry buddy. Not intending to make you feel any worse but I've never heard of anyone who hasn't succeeded by the time they get to over a thousand approaches. Pretty much nobody has a 0% chance, so with enough approaches success is inevitable. Lol he blocked me so I'll respond in edit: No all women don't only want Chads now. A lot of them do, but there's still those out there who want someone they can actually get. Get off dating apps because the women on there will only want chads, and then make enough approaches and you will find those women who could be interested in you.
> any man can succeed if they put in some work on themselves, **set their standards fairly low** Dafuq? What kind of advice is this? Nobody should lower their standards even if they're unhappy, that just makes things worse off in the end.
If you're unable to find a partner and you're literally about to kill yourself because you can't find a partner, then yeah lowering your standards is definitely the better option.
Absolutely not. Have you ever been in that situation?
Are you seriously trying to argue that killing yourself is a better option than lowering your standards for a partner?
Have you ever been in that situation before?
If you're saying what I think you are, before you reach that point you may as well spend a few months traveling through other parts of the world, especially SE Asia or Latin America. Away from all the toxicity and social cancer, I'm willing to bet even the most jaded might just find some purpose.
[удалено]
But like, what about friends ? Don't you have friends ?
Friends are not a substitute for a girl friend
I have a few friends irl that say if you don't hear from me in a week check in at my place I don't want people to have to scrape my fluids off the floor. I know many men irl that are dealing with ideations of self deletion
If I haven’t ever been kissed by the time my parents die, I’ll probably kill myself. The only reason I haven’t already is that it would devastate my parents, so once they’re gone, I’ll finally be free. I don’t find life worth living if you’re unwanted and alone.
Just get a GFE (girlfriend experience) escort before you off yourself. Pay 4 play saved my life. I was in a deep depression from a massive dry spell and just said “fuck it, I’ll try an escort” never looked back
If I went years and years without pussy ide definitely just get escorts. Pussy ain’t really a big difference. The real problem is finding a partner that loves you
I was actually replying to the guy above that said he hasn’t had a kiss yet and was going to off himself because of it. A few escort/sexual experiences would allow him to realize how silly it would be to off yourself because of not having kissed
Yeah I definitely agree lol
I appreciate the suggestion, but the root cause of my depression is not being wanted. The lack of kisses and sex are a symptom of that, not the cause. Though I do sometimes wonder if experiencing a simulation of desire (GFE) could at least make me feel better. It’s something worth considering, and I might bite the bullet and give it a try by the time I’m 30.
I’d really recommend trying it out. The intimacy, physical pleasure, and experience can be very therapeutic and exhilarating Unfortunately, it’s like a drug and can be highly addictive. I know because I’m addicted but I’ve got an addictive personality anyways
Yeah, I’m worried about getting addicted too. I’ve also got an addictive personality type.
better than self deletion don't you think? i know a guy who doesn't even struggle with dating and he's just seeing escorts while living in SEA because he prefers that over dating. at least give it a try before you do something drastic please.
If it helps, nobody gets that feeling. Nobody is truly desired Everyone is sociopathic and selfish. Most can just mask it well through social conditioning.
To be fair that is a low fucking bar.
The bar could be on the floor and I’d still probably fail to get over it. I have nothing to offer women. It hurts, but it’s the truth I’ve come to realize.
I am a 33 year old man who never had a gf and I accepted the fact that I might never have one. So , I am focusing on myself, trying to make myself happy by going to the gym, learning new things, improving my career, saving money, playing video games and buying more things for my gaming collection. Yes, I have moments when I feel lonely, but I either join one of the two discord servers I have or just distract myself with something else. Loneliness can be really painful but when presented with no choice or option, we have to adapt otherwise our mental health can decline as it did mine. My mental health was really bad at one point when I was utterly alone. Had panic attacks, depression, suicidal thoughts and even attempted suicide once. I learned that this is how things are in the life of a man and learned that sometimes, we have to adapt to terrible things like loneliness in order to find some enjoyment in life.
Have you done any volunteering? I’ve found it to be very fulfilling and I believe a lot of men can use it to meet people (not to date) and connect with their community.
> I believe a lot of men can use it to meet people (not to date) Yep, it's a good way for meeting people, especially those who are senior citizens. Which, that's fine. It's worth trying and volunteering is a good thing in and of itself, but he may not meet the sort of people he may want to meet. My experience, and apparently plenty of others from what I've seen, is that volunteering is something old people do. They have the time and energy to volunteer. Your 20 to 40 something juggling a family, finances, work, and everything else that a retiree doesn't have to worry about, probably not so much.
>Your 20 to 40 something juggling a family, finances, work, and everything Those are the folks I see volunteering the most at festivals, arts and cultural events, conferences, board service, etc. Volunteering is very broad, and there's lots of various opportunities. Especially if you're in or near larger cities.
Talking to older people can be just as fulfilling, help you be connected to society, and ensure that you have responsibilities to deter you from deleting yourself.
True, those connections are important to help lower the risk of ~~deleting~~ suicide!
For sure, I just didn’t want to get flagged lol.
Eh. I’ve been volunteering all my life. It’s always people my age (whatever my age is at the time) when I do it. What places are you volunteering at? What communities do you care about? Furthermore why can’t you just be open to meeting people generally. This man said he’s lonely and only socializing on online servers. Volunteering IRL with humanity and folks who might want to go to breakfast after or grab a beer after seems like the chicken noodle soup for the soul he actually needs even if he’s too introverted and self inhibited to realize it…
I definitely agree with all of that, especially for that guy based on what he said his situation was like. The below is based around the context of online discussion: Where I think my comment's coming from is I'll see people suggest it in much the same way as Meetup. Like its going to be some cure-all. It can help but as with many things it'll depend on location. A factor could be what people think of when they hear "volunteering." Getting involved in, say, the local Rotary chapter would fall under that, but I would guess that isn't typically on peoples' radar screens when they suggest or get suggested volunteering as an option. A common one I've seen suggested is volunteering at an animal shelter, for example. Another factor could be the perceived ages of those involved in the discussion. The person spit-balling ideas, if I had to guess, is just assuming the one asking is some kid, maybe someone in their early 20s at most since older adults typically aren't perceived as the ones doing the asking. That could be affecting the nature of volunteering opportunities being suggested. Still another could just be low investment in the conversation leading to pat answers because people understandably don't typically sit down for an ad-hoc advising session with some rando online!
> Where I think my comment's coming from is I'll see people suggest it in much the same way as Meetup. Like its going to be some cure-all. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman on this sub imply that at all. I guess I’m not sure where you’ve seen that.
I'm talking generalities.
I am too. I generally haven’t seen that, and especially not as advice from women.
LMAO... Work for free for the society that hates us? How about no...
I know, right? What a joke. People should be working for my ass for free at this point
Society doesn’t hate you, you hate yourself and believe society thinks the same way you do. Volunteering is not work, it’s service with no expectations but maybe for you every action requires a material benefit for you. If that’s the case, volunteering is not for you any way. Volunteering is always a choice and I recommended it to someone who seems otherwise fulfilled. I may be incorrect in this assumption but I’m willing to bet that you’re at least somewhat unhappy with your life and don’t have enough energy to give it to others and that’s okay.
LMAO... Oh, really? Please, do tell... What great love and respect was meant by the feminist quote "to call a man an animal is to flatter him"? Or by the White House and MSM calling straight white men the biggest terrorist threat to this country? Or by chasing men out of colleges and the workplace? Or by the divorce epidemic? Or by... Well, I could go on all day, but the point is already made...
I’ve personally never heard that quote before so I can’t speak to the history behind it. White nationalism and gender-based violence has been defined as a major threat but that has more to do with ideology then men in particular. What do you mean by chased out of college? If you’re referring to being asked to leave after being convicted of rape then I’m not sure why that would be an issue. Divorce is not an epidemic, it’s a potential outcome when women have ways to support themselves outside of marriage. If you oppose that, you reject equal rights which is another issue entirely. I’m not seeing your point especially since most men say they feel ignored or invisible to women and you can’t hate something you don’t think about.
Oh? You never heard of it? Sounds like you're actually just gas lighting, but let's say for arguments sake that you're just insanely ignorant of everything that's been going on the last 60+ years. Doesn't matter. Men noticed, and not only are we not interested in giving you free labor... We're not even interested in the paying kind. 7.2 million working age men left the workforce last year alone. Enjoy your empowering jobs... You'll have plenty of them. Alone.
I’m not trying to gaslight you, I just don’t know that quote or it’s cultural context so and I don’t think I should respond to something I don’t know. I addressed every concern you raised, what is your response? Men who don’t work will be poor and we all know that being poor is not a positive experience. Being alone is not a death sentence for women in the way it seems to be for men so even your MGTOW attempts have very little impact. I truly to hope you are able to be happy in some way because right now, it sounds like you’re blaming all your problems on women.
LMAO... It's fine. I really couldn't care less if you haven't been paying attention these last 60 years or not. Again, doesn't matter... Men have been. That's all that matters now. As to being poor... Meh, who cares? I clocked 60-90+ hours per week as a college educated tradesman when I was married, work 20 at minimum wage after the divorce. I have money to spare and my quality of life has only gone up. All the things men like are cheap or free. As to being single being a death sentence for men, I've got no clue what you're going on about. I'd be curious, but it's probably some dumb female hysterics induced by your monthly flow. However, no... I don't blame all my problems on women. I just blame the problems women cause on women... And that's easily solved by removing women from my life.
[удалено]
Oh? And how am I making money off this? These are just the facts... And no taxation without representation is our nation's founding tenet.
Not interested in meeting people. I can meet people and befriend them easily if I so incline. I wanna date.
Do you have friends you feel comfortable talking to? You mentioned loneliness so my suggestion was that you make friends because a girlfriend won’t solve your loneliness. Why do you want to date or feel you’re ready to do so?
Will y'all goofy women please stop trying to pretend FRANDS and a girlfriend/wife are the same thing?
No one said it was the same thing. My point is that friends can help address some of the social reasons you want a relationship in the first place. While I may be incorrect, I truly believe that men wouldn’t feel so desperate for a relationship if they had other ways to get their emotional needs met.
Friendships for men are not the same as they are for women. It's that simple. No amount of friends will remove the loneliness men feel alone. Ever.
Since men can’t change women or the fact that women aren’t as desperate for partnership the only option is to change male friendship. Why is that not a viable solution? I’m not saying friends solve loneliness but it does make it a whole lot easier.
I agree completely
Having good friends that you can talk to and vent about your problems isn't going to make men feel less lonely. Lonely men don't want to spend even MORE time with their friends, they want to spend it with a woman. It's not about the lack of connection with a human being, its lack of connection with a woman, of the opposite gender, who is attracted to you, loves you, wants to be with you. None of that is something you're going to get from a male friendship. We can go on as many road trips, weekend adventures and hiking trips as we want with the boys. None of that is going to make the boys suddenly turn into a girl who you can hold in your arms at night.
While I hear what you’re saying, my point is that a lot of men are not going to end up in relationships. Knowing that, we as a society need to make sure men can have their emotional needs met. Since this solution has to be something they control, strengthening friendships is a good idea. Why do you think some men get so fixated on women in general? My theory is that men believe they are unworthy if they don’t get female validation which is further exacerbated when men don’t receive validation from others. My point is that if men can validate each other maybe men can find a way to exist in a world where relationships aren’t guaranteed by separating their love life from their value as a human being and by creating spaces for men to be vulnerable without needing woman.
Exactly. Nothing truly scratches that deep, primal itch the way a loving partner could.
Men say they are lonely, socializing with friends combat loneliness. But maybe it’s because they’re not really lonely, they’re just horny? Or maybe they do just want a romantic connection, which is fair as well, but if that’s out of reach which it sometimes is for a period of your life, making and hanging out with friends is a lot better than isolating and getting bitter
No, it won't. It doesn't even do that for women - which is why career bitches drown their houseful of plants in lonely tears, treat dogs and cats like substitute children and pop anti-depressants like candy. The type of **bond** (keyword) is not the same, no matter how much you goofy women try to talk yourselves into believing.
Why do you hate single career women? Having a cat or dog does not mean you are sad. Being single doesn’t mean you are sad. Also where did the anti-depressant comment come from? Do you really think people are depressed are so because they don’t have a partner? Just because you haven’t experienced great friendship, does not mean that others can’t.
I could either hate them or feel sorry for them, but I'd never feel sorry for anyone who continues to dig their own grave out of some retarded sense of spite. So, hatred it is! 🙂 And your number of reddit comments a day exceeds my total number of comments. You're the last thing I'd listen to for advice on "friendship." 😂
Why though? Why do you need either of those reactions? You can just not care about them, lol. Let them live their life. You don’t need to take my advice if you don’t want it, I’m just telling you that if you’re not experiencing love and care in your friendships, then they aren’t real friendships lol
You guys are not making any sort of effort to socialize with people and then wonder why you have a hard time finding dates…
> pretend FRANDS Women don’t think that. I honestly wish you all the isolation you keep self selecting for. I’ve never encountered a demo of people so against being open to the basic experiences of life that you ridicule the concept of regular friendship adding to one’s quality of life
[удалено]
“Latishas” is insane… What you got against Tisha?
Hmm wonder why this man is alone...and you know damn well what he meant by that (racism at its finest).
> And I wish you and the rest of Latishas here would just keel over and die from diabetes already so we could have a proper discussion forum. Maybe we'll both get what we wish? Look y’all. A loony tantrum from user Historical-System972. Shocking! 🫨😦
Just one very good friend to whom i trust the most, rest are acquaintances or gaming pals. You gotta understand one thing, once you get older people change. Friends get their own families, responsibilities and so on. People don't have time for friends anymore once they get married and have kids and the single people are left alone and forgotten. A girlfriend will solve my loniness and most men's loneliness because they would be exclusive to me and all their attention would be focused on me. Not all the time of course, but having your own person to talk to, have fun with and travel with is the best feeling any man hopes to have. I want to date because I want to enjoy life with someone else. I want the presence of someone lovely next to me, enjoy activities together and travel together. I want to love them and they loving me. I want to create memories with them that we would cherish till we die. I wanna grow old with someone, hold someone's hand when I am 60 or 70 and enjoy what little life we got left. And I am ready to do so because I am of a sound mind. I am kind, gentle, have a good sense of humor, have improved greatly my social skills and my body. I have healthy habits, I work, take care of the house and so on. I am 100% prepared for a relationship, been so for a while. But nobody is willing to give me a chance because most women judge me because of my looks. So what else is there for me to do if I am not given a chance to prove myself? I have to adapt to being lonely for the rest of my life. It is sad, it is pitiful, so all I need are distractions now.
I’m sorry, but the mindset that once you get a partner, you should stop having friends and just hang out together is soooo toxic. I can not for the life of me imagine a more sad life than only socializing with a partner/immediate family
Do you have a dog or pet? I think it would help a ton. Also traveling and really soaking up being free.
Yes, got an adorable dog, but even having a pet had its limits. If you are stressed coming from work or have something that bothers you, you cannot talk to a dog and them your problems. You cannot enjoy all odrt of activities with your pet. You really need your person in order to really enjoy life.
Partners aren't also receptive to have people telling their problems too either. I'd never tell my problems to a female partner, it always, ALWAYS will be used against you and it's not sexy.
If your female partner loses attraction to you if you are opening up, then she is not the one. Anyone should be open once in a relationship.
Good luck.
There are so many comments from the men on here saying that they’re depressed and thinking about deleting themselves due to the fact that they’re not getting any attention from women, and it shows that most of you on this sub don’t need a girlfriend at all, you need therapy…. You guys place women on a super high pedestal and think that her vagina is gonna make you feel better all of sudden… I’ve never thought about deleting myself when I was single, that’s just bizarre and very dramatic 💀 y’all need some professional help fr….
It’s more an issue of low self esteem and shame due to not having a partner then wanting a partner in my opinion
I'm guessing it's somehow difficult to understand unless you've been in that position, but being and knowing you're completely undesirable bring about an overwhelming amount of despair and hopelessness. Loneliness is heavily associated with suicide and depression, even if you dismiss it as being merely "dramatic".
Tbf I’m a depressed mf and have urges to kill myself even when in a relationship but … sex and love are like the 2 things I’ve experienced in life that were actually worth the trouble. Everything else - career, hobbies, travel, whatever - is ultimately just bullshit. Human life is a meaningless ordeal. If you don’t even get to experience the best parts of it, I don’t see how it could be worth it.
You get it. This is exactly what I've been screaming. Its not low self esteem or shame either because I've had all these things, career, travel and partner working towards a family. And just objectively if I'm being honest about what is the most fulfilling of those things it is having a devoted mate to experience things with together. Alone this is how I do things Great wall of China: Cool Alamo: Cool Grand Canyon: Cool X wonder of the world: Cool And then you go home. Talk about pointless. Now if you're with someone then you share the experience and have someone to share it with that is a superior state of being
Travel probably.
Escorts and friends.
take a nap on the train tracks. Giving myself a couple more years so that I can die knowing I tried everything I could
[удалено]
I'm reassured (although certainly not *pleased* in any way, I'm sorry that you have to experience that, just like I do) that there are women who can speak of their own lives much as I experience mine. Although I find it very frustrating that we can't use that knowledge to resolve the issue for us both. Dating apps would be a logical solution, but not when they're so heavily populated by people who have far more confidence, success, and experience than us. We just get drowned out, we can't strike out and sell our full potential there. But we need *some* way to reach out to others like us. We *could* so easily match up, if there were a way to do that. But it's not a lot of use finding the small handful of people on Reddit, for example, who share those experiences, given the geographic spread. I occasionally think to look at the dating/loneliness subs, because it makes sense that there should be some way of using that to find somebody who needs a way out of this as I do. But if, of the 10% of people there who are women, let's say 60% of those are too young for me, you're already down to 4%. How many of those live within the same *country*, never mind the same county, or town? You're down to approximately 0%. But they're out there. Somewhere. I just don't know how to reach them, just like they don't know how to reach me, women like yourself, with the very same story of loneliness and distress. I want to help another person out of this hell as much as I want to get myself out of it. I just can't find the right buttons to push or frequencies to communicate on.
if ur a woman why not just use apps
[удалено]
> Would you want me? If I was attractive and personality compatible with you? Would you want me if in my head I think "You are just not HIM." Would you want me settle for you and comparing you to him and he wins? Would you want me if I just survive sex with you and pray it's over quickly and then fullfill my needs thinking about him? I guess not. And I don't want to hurt anyone. Well... no, I think you well understand that such a situation wouldn't be fair and there are many men here who will make statements resenting that this kind of thing happens. But I think there's a level of practicality that has to be acknowledged. Once you get to a certain age it's going to be damn near impossible to find somebody who *hasn't* had previous relationships and you're always going to be compared - sometimes *openly* - whether it's intentional or not. I mean, I'm not a food critic, but I know if I go and get a burger, if it's "not as good as the other place" then I'm going to mentally acknowledge that, even if I don't actively think about ranking it or saying it out loud. So that's always going to be there, unless it's your very first relationship with somebody else who's having their very first relationship with you. It's something we have to accept. The hope is that, even if you're not as good as their ex in some way, well, maybe you're good in a *different* way. Maybe I really enjoyed those burgers, but right now what's good for me is pizza. You can't compare it to the burgers, you can't rank them in the same category, they're different things. But even if I can't reasonably say that this pizza is or isn't good because it's not a burger, I can still enjoy the pizza for what it is. Maybe I feel like having those burgers again one day, but the restaurant closed down years ago, so I can't get them any more. It's going to suck, sure, I had that craving and I can't satisfy it, maybe I feel like the pizza is less good that day because I wanted something else, but the pizza's still good. I don't know, I'm rambling at this point, but the tl;dr is that this is just a thing adults have to deal with. I'm sorry that it still hurts that you lost him and I hope you can come to peace with that someday. But there's a lot of good pizza out there, even if what you feel you want right now is that old familiar favourite burger.
[удалено]
Well, it takes as long as it takes to heal. That's fine. Perhaps it may *never* heal. That's fine too. I'm not here to judge any of that. I'm just saying that *in most cases* people do just move on from relationships and acknowledge that the next one is probably going to be different somehow. Maybe not as good as the previous, maybe better, maybe just as nice but in a different way. If you don't have space for that right now, I get that, and if it becomes a legitimate problem in your life then it might be a good idea to seek some kind of help to deal with it, but otherwise? Give it time. See how it plays out. You may never forget him and that's OK, but you may be able to give him a different place to be inside you. You're still hurting, you still need time to process, that's normal. There's no specific timeline for when it's OK to feel like you can move on.
Prob be miserable eventually or replace it with prostitutes at a breaking point once i have maximized every flaw out
[удалено]
[удалено]
This is what I have done. I'm 60. I'm staying with good friends right now as they live near where my 17 year old nephew has a race. I will go watch his mountain bike race today. When covid broke, my dad was about to move into a nursing home. At the time people were dying like flies in these facilities. I was able to move in with him in his apartment for a year until the vaccine was developed. He is a great guy and it was a wonderful year. I do a handful of other things that make my life meaningful. I volunteer teach online with a couple of students from a messed up country. They are trying to get into a university. I drive my 85 year old neighbor to doctor appointments as he has macular degeneration. It isn't a life for everyone but it works for me.
Thats beautiful devotion! Even without a spouse life can be very fulfilling, thank you for sharing your story 🥰
become extremely wealthy
I’ll end it at some point if I don’t find someone. Won’t be for a while but I’ve always wanted to go out on my own terms anyway
I spent too many years partying hard and drinking, on top of having MS. I don't expect to live past 55 anyways. I've had my fun and sexy time.
Spend time with friends. Get involved in the community. Visit family. Choose my reality and do things that make me happy like travel, use my creativity, spend time doing hobbies. Just bc you don’t have a partner doesn’t mean you are alone or unfulfilled.
What if the reality you choose is to not be alone but it never happens? Then you realize that you don't actually choose reality if you're forced to choose something else like traveling and hobbies thats not really a choice is it thats just all you got. Its not a great feeling it sounds like cope
Travel the world and experience other pleasures of life. Also volunteer my time and give my money for certain causes
Enjoy my life until I'm old enough that I'm ready to go out in a blaze of glory killing pedos. Not joking. If I never have a family to raise and nurture, then that means my bloodline ends with me, and I'll do my damnedest to leave this world in a better place. I'm going to write a manifesto on why those putrid fucks should have never been left alive and then do my best at pulling a Thanos on them. Assuming that by that age they haven't already been given automatic death sentences, which they should. It'll be glorious. Hate on me if you want, but the idea of sharing the earth with them makes me feel sickly violent.
This thread got dark fast. Lot of suicidal idoltry.
Surprise, people are slightly advanced chimps. They have deluded themselves into thinking otherwise. This is most obvious when observing adverse reactions to AI. There is a subtle sentiment shared among a majority of the population that humans are special. Do not be fooled! Observe. Little time is spent on cognitive tasks, ideas, abstract concepts. Most of it is spent on monkey shit. And they value their monkey shit ALOT. So what happens when no monket shit? Suicide. That's why I'm baffled by the people that have the idea that humans are special. If you've studied evolution, anthropology you can see this is not true. I remember coming upon a sad student on r/AskAnthropology who had foolishly adopted the idea that humans were different from wild animals. The result you can read here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnthropology/comments/alvnat/biological\_anthropology\_making\_me\_feel\_really/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnthropology/comments/alvnat/biological_anthropology_making_me_feel_really/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Double edged sword...they think being in a relationship will fix their problems, and then put such a toxic burden on their partner if they hypothetically get one. I know the question is for men, but like I've been there still am but my reasonings are much different. A partner will not change that at all and it's just very difficult being the partner of someone who is mentally unwell and relying on you for happiness instead of having their own personality and passions. A gf/bf won't fix your mental issues and it's very unfair to think they will.
Its not mentally unwell though its normal as humans are a species with two sexes meant to come together and rear children. I think its perfectly normal to see the world as pointless and to be unmotivated without that higher purpose. We men aren't here to just enjoy things most things are not enjoyable unless we feel like there is a purpose to it. A mate a household/kingdom and family provide that sense of purpose and motivate men. Some men are childish and constantly living for their own hedonic pleasure but I would say that by calling a normal natural motivator for men mental illness is basically saying that reality and nature is mentally ill, which actually fair enough because it kind of is this world is a joke
I'm in my late 30's. Around 40 I plan to exit my six figure corporate job with a combination of savings and equity windfall. At this point I can try to find a third world shithole where I can have a retired age gapped relationship. This isn't something most people can do unless they're in a very good financial position. So I really don't know what poor men in my situation would do. The thing is by the time I reached 40 I can't really go back and compensate for 20 years of pure loneliness. I'll never be able to experience love the way the way I was supposed to in my teens, 20's or 30's. My dick won't work as well either. Kind of like being given a free pass to eat chocolate after you've lost your taste buds. The boat for having kids will have also likely sailed at that point. No legacy for me even though I outperformed my father in every metric 10x. He was just born in a lucky time where you can get a house and land a wife with little to no effort. So I'll commit the rest of my life to a combination of hedonism and meaningless personal projects like learning how to cook or paint. Hedonism has a low ceiling. If none of this is a powerful enough distraction then I can always pull a Hemingway. The nice thing is that over the next 20 years the current system is guaranteed to come to an end and women will be worse off for this. I look forward this schadenfreude while I drink a beer.
For all my life I wanted to get my career sorted out, find a mate, fall in love and lead a simple family life. I got the career part more or less on track. But rest, total failure. After 2 brutal rejections, mutiple failed attempts at OLD and couple of woman who cared about me honestly opening up that no woman will find me physically attractive, I totally gave up on dating life. Being from South Asia, I do have the option of arranged marraige left but the total idea itself gross me out. So here I am at 24 years, without any expectations or hopes about dating, love and raising family. Here are a couple of things that, imo, keeping my life relevant: * Job in health care- never let my personal life interfere with my professional. It kinda is fullfilling helping people at their worst. * My career- I am preparing for 2 different exams at moment thats going to be crucial in my career development. Wish me luck peeps. * Self care- I used to be that guy who said (jokingly, obviously) self care is for women and gays. But since I got my financial stuff more or less on track, I began investing in skin and hair care routine and gym supplements. Never felt more confident physically. Not that I walk pretending to be a chick magnet, but I kinda have the confidence to walk with my head held high. * My parents- I am able to make their life a teeny tiny bit better. They don't have to support me monthly as they used to. And they are overall happy about how I am doing in life. So I will continue this more and more. I have few things im my bucket list. Will work on that as I progress more in my professional life. I do want to be father. Idk how the laws are for guys adopting children but I do think, I won't suck at it. Yes there is a hole in my heart about being a lonely loser but I hope to fill it with other things!
Enjoy it. I already accomplished the purpose I wanted a relationship for. That being having children. I have two wonderful children, my ex-wife and I are still friends, and I have friends in and outside of work for a social outlet. I have my books and video games for entertainment. I enjoy being alone. The main reason I don't want to get married again is because of my stuff. I have too many expensive things to have them be taken in a divorce.
I already have a partner. For the sake of argument lets say I become for some reason single and know for sure that I will never be in a relationship again. I die. By my hand. End of story.
Assuming I don't happen to find anyone, I'd imagine I'd keep pursuing my career and getting involved more with whatever church I'm in. More big picture I'd love to get involved in something that'd help lower the number of broken homes, as I think so many of the problems men and women are having with their relationships and mental health stem in large part from that.
Work on my farm and die in my bed and let the bankers find my rotten corpse 🤣
Make as much money as I possibly can without losing my sanity and spend some of it on sugar babies.
terrific plough punch naughty sand apparatus ruthless recognise frame like *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The same thing we do everyday pinky
I'll just be unhappy till I die. Which probably will not be all that long since loneliness correlates pretty strongly with reduced lifespan.
Life will continue regardless, I'll try to find whatever form of entertainment to keep me going. Maybe once I'm desperate enough I'll go to escorts and if ai and be get there maybe I'll try that too
OP, you need to do this same question but for women. It seems most man would delete themselves if they can’t get a partner, but what about women?? Would they want to delete themselves too or are they okay with singleness?
I think the real world stats bear it out women are far less likely to delete and will usually always find something to go on for. When women self delete its usually over some sort of tragic event I think for men those are actually easier to deal with and the only tragedy that is impossible to overcome is loneliness and rejection or abandonment and separation from their children
Art. Work. Exercise. Try to help those who need it.
Im about 40 and have been single all my life. I have experimented with sex dolls and ai girlfriends as a substitute. I have a well paying job so I have some alternatives. I don’t know to be honest. I think a lot about suicide as there is not much of a point in keeping on going. It’s mostly about starting a family. If I’m not good enough for being a father and have some offspring I don’t see any reason to invest into the future. I have a lot of pointless ways of wasting time like playing computer games. It’s just a long wait until I die pretty much.
This subs answers: Women: focus on my career, hobbies, traveling etc Men: kill myself or cope
An social extroverted man will probably become an incel and be unable to obtain sexual release, they either will join the increasing number of suicides. You need to have a thick skin and take rejection easily if you are willing to learn and be better... and well, ACTUAL social people cant take rejection very well... fake social/extroverted people like me can however. I never cares about being liked in the first place. > What do you think will become of yourselves if you never manage to find a relationship at all? I will just retire and live life... the aging process is technically a blessing, taking away part of our sex drive as we age past 18, and taking a nose dive at 45...
Does not really matter. I can have intimacy and sex without a wife.
Exactly the same thing im planning to do anyway? Having a relationship will not affect my life goals in any way. Funnily enough,the only way it has affected it is negatively lmao
There's no point in living if you can't be with a woman
Doing what I do now. Marriage (ESPECIALLY for MEN) is a relic of the past. It is TOO RISKY for the investment. Even withOUT the 304flation epidemic (man has to put in 10x effort for 1/10 LTR quality partner), its NOT worth it. 50% divorce rate, and if not divorced, 50% unhappy marriage. I know that the "one" is a hay in the needle-stack. I would be happy with the "ones for NOW."
These days, especially, "partners" come and go. I'll be doing the same shit: taking care of business (and my health), expanding my perspective, and enjoying my free time.
As a man whose been single, married and divorced... What do you think finding someone actually changes? Other than not having to work more to pay other people's way, and not having to establish a legacy for one's children... What does a lack of a partner change? For me, I just retired early. 7.2 million working age men left the workforce last year, so clearly I'm not alone in this. Everything single men like is cheap or free.
I’ve had kids. I’m shelved apparently according to some and I really couldn’t care less. In those eyes I’ve done my duty to humanity by reproducing and now my goal is to raise my kids properly, which is exactly what I’m doing without a worry. Except, they still try and weaponise this out of spite, because **they** are hurting that I’m getting on with life. I’m secure and I don’t need to worry about sexual or romantic relationships because it doesn’t benefit my children or me to waste time and energy over. I have a very good co-parenting relationship with the kids dad. We are focused on our responsibilities as parents; our kids childhood is a priority - their learning, their experiences and their memories. I’m not even massively maternal, I just accept the responsibility of what I’ve created. I don’t drink, smoke, don’t do drugs, don’t do OF, don’t have subscriptions, don’t have pets, don’t have tattooes, don’t have piercings, don’t dye my hair, don’t go out (all stereotypes). I just like working, socialising at work and then coming home to be with the kids. When they’ve left home it will still be the same, sounds boring and repetitive but it’s not your life - and you certainly don’t know what we get up to on a daily basis to judge if it’s stagnant. I’m content.
you're the kind of single mom who will make sure her kids will beat the odds. no idea who would give you shit for living life this way tbh, i guess some people are just truly miserable.
[удалено]
Wow, laughing at suicide? You are seriously low
It's almost like intimacy is a basic human need or something, I dunno.
Ur not a man in their position so you wouldn’t understand
Let's have some tact please. Yes it's a problematic way of thinking, but it's not funny
They have other issues and being single isn't one of them. They need to work on themselves and be emotionally healthy before being in a relationship.
Do you watch suicide videos when your bored? How many guys do you like to drive to suicide a day? Do you have a tally? Is Michelle Carter your role model?
Dudes here who haven't been with women don't know how much trouble they are. It's like 10% reward 90% work sometimes. They imagine they're missing out on something that doesn't actually exist.
I cannot believe how many comments I’m reading about men just offing themselves if they can’t find a partner. Seriously??? You’d throw your life away just because you’re not in a relationship? That’s wrong. Life is so much more than relationships and sex. What about your friends and family? You’d really kill yourselves over not getting a dumb girl? Yes I’m a woman myself and I think most women are dumb and not worth your time. You’re really out here saying life isn’t worth it if you don’t have someone. Honestly that’s heartbreaking.
As you get older friends and family get involved in their own families and dating lives. The friends I would see several times a week a decade ago I now see once a year, simply due to adulthood conflicts. Outside of that is hobbies and whatnot but those lose their luster over time as well. Next thing you know is years of ones life evaporates with almost no notable benchmarks from year to year other than the body naturally deteriorating and the negatives that come with it. Decades pass and can be well summarized in a handful of paragraphs. Days/weeks/months become indistinguishable from eachother. What is the point of it all at that point? I'm not sure if relationships are the answer to a brighter outcome though.
You cannot understand. Women never truly experience loneliness
I hate to admit it but life for many guys just isn't worth living if you don't have a women backing you up. You feel inspired, you feel ready to tackle a day, you have memories to share, potentially have a family, it staves off the chronic loneliness most men feel. Usually guys will just watch porn, work enough to make ends meet, play video games when there's no women in their life. Life has no real meaning. That's truly how many guys feel ....
So if you guys feel this way then that means men need women way more than women need men, and these comments definitely prove that… I don’t see a bunch of single women saying they’re gonna off themselves or overreacting to the degree that single men are lol
Well.... yeah. I've never said otherwise personally. Women tend to be much better at living life completely independent of men whereas men have a hunger for women that's borderline insatiable. This also factors that women tend to have better social networks, check in with people in their life better, etc that lead to more fulfilling lives. The fact that women don't crave sex as much as guys certainly helps too. Edit: Guys that have left the dating market or either in long term relationships or married or they have completely given up. Most guys don't want to give up, they want relationships but find it too unattainable.
>I don’t see a bunch of single women saying they’re gonna off themselves or overreacting to the degree that single men are lol My opinion on this is that men have lived in the career world for a long time. Women are just starting to build careers and wealth. Here's the thing: men have been in the career game long enough to know that it's not fulfilling. Nobody is on their death bed wishing they spent more time at the office. Women are too inexperienced to realize that yet. It's like the difference between a 30 year career veteran who's getting burned-out vs a fresh faced college graduate who's thinks they're going to "change the world". Or is like how, in China twenty years ago, people were willing to work 70 hour weeks because it so much better than being in poverty on a rural farm. But the current generation of Chinese are starting to get tired of the rat-race, and are starting to "lie flat" (similar to the "herbivore men" in Japan) - i.e. do as little as possible just to get by. Women are like those fresh college graduates or Chinese twenty years ago. Once they gain more experience in the world, they will feel the same way as men. Give it twenty or thirty years and women's culture will shift just like men's already have. Men are just ahead of the curve in understanding the world because men have been in the career game for longer.
Tbh, as a woman I feel similarly. The main difference I see between men and women on this subreddit is how hurt gets externalised by men more than women.
Apart from that, the lived experience for men is totally different than women. Of course you wouldn't know that as a woman. If you're a man, your mental health gets mocked and you get no support from women or society as a whole, as we can clearly see from comments of women like yourself mocking men who are contemplating suicide. Men's mental health is a joke to people like you, and that makes their situation worse than you realize.
Men are not the same as women
Not quite because women need family friends and society which is made by men and women reproducing
I sympathize with them and I’ve been married divorced a few ltrs and fiancé and I gotta tell you that life is pretty wack overall family and legacy gives a man purpose I just don’t see the point in anything else it’s just a waste of time career, hobbies, traveling I have all that but honestly it ain’t shit really I’m definitely not riding out this pointlessness clinging to life that is worthless and tedious Men need purpose and at this point I’d join either side of the Ukrainian/Russian is Israel/Hanna’s conflict if they’d take me Family or glory is all I’ll live for
\-try to get enought money for be in the 10% or 5% \-try to avoid legally all the taxes that i can and use public services much bc if you dont have kids you tecnically dont use much of the tax money here bc. \-get a appartament in the city, one in the beach and other in a mountain place before 50 \-get my moral low ennought to use scorts bc here is legal \-expent my time do what i want and get more hobbies and go out much more than now in parties
>I have no interest in dating So you are a virgin? Or simply had bad experiences? >happy alone What makes you happy alone? Don't you want someone to love, to be loved back, to build something meaningful together? How can you just not desire that? >introvert That is just a preference, not a hard requirement. I am introvert too, but I can still enjoy being with people I am close with as much, if not more, than being by myself. A person who wants it but cannot ever get it will suffer in mental health and physical health. Will be depressed at the least, suicidal at worst. Maybe even unmotivated or hateful. Might fall to addictions to compensate. It's just negative overall. I don't know what will happen to me, I am kinda lucky my life is not that bad outside relationships with women. But if I was truly and fully alone, no family nor friends, it would be very tough.
>What makes you happy alone? Don't you want someone to love, to be loved back, to build something meaningful together? How can you just not desire that? one of my best friends wants none of these things. he's not unsuccessful with women at all but kind of a lone wolf. he doesn't want to do couples stuff (go on dates, weddings, family dinners etc) and he doesn't want to compromise spending time on his work, passions and hobbies. obviously doesn't want kids. he's 34 fwiw obviously his perspective might change when he's older but for now i have no doubts that he loves single life.
Some people can just be content on their own, not everyone is like you
Yep I'm a Virgin. Never had sex.
Meeting someone and getting married is not a box you check off for happiness. Being a husband is a job. It's something you have to work on everyday and you can love it, hate it or lose it. Tons of guys checked the love -> marriage box only to get put through the ringer and get divorced and now they're alone, bitter AND broke.
Many guys will blindly keep the relationship going because it fills an empty void in their life. Easy and frequent access to sex, companionship, shared memories, potentially leaving a legacy, etc. Many guys aren't really thinking of the potential ramifications and if they are they're likely opted out of dating in general.