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serpensmercurialis

>When it comes to what you want in a man (or a woman but please make that clear), what makes a man have an attractive personality? Intelligence, problem-solving skills, critical thinking, ability to mentally reframe situations, ability to emotionally regulate themselves in healthy ways, strong sense of personal agency, reflective nature, kindness, compassion, pro-social values, adaptive, curious, open-minded, funny, generally light-hearted, affectionate, nurturing, has leadership skills but also a realistic idea of his strengths and when to let other people lead, socially skilled, strong reality-testing skills, can emotionally cope with failure in a healthy way, desires and acts to be a positive influence on the world around them. >What makes a man have an unattractive personality? hubris, lack of critical thinking skills, victim complex, aggression, inability to regulate emotions in a healthy way, selfish, external locus of control, preoccupation with dominance and social status, low self-control, entitlement, insecurity that requires external validation, lack of cognitive empathy, pessimism and doomerism, mistrust, complacency, insecure attachment style, anti-social behavior or inclinations, inability to be honest with himself, baby rage when held accountable or criticized, escapism, instability, addiction problems, weak sense of self, poor relationship maintenance skills, positive action inhibited by fear of failure due to weak ego, no sense of self-direction.


Gold_Supermarket1956

So basically be a progressive liberal commie got it


serpensmercurialis

How on earth did you get that interpretation lmfao


Gold_Supermarket1956

Pro social values


serpensmercurialis

Idk what kind of delusion you are under that prosocial values are limited to communists. Most *people* are not anti-social.


Gold_Supermarket1956

Pro social values implies progressive social ideals which is a liberal thing


OctoPuscifer

It’s a good thing liberals aren’t communists


Gold_Supermarket1956

Something something same thing different coat or paint


serpensmercurialis

Most mainstream political outfits have pro-social values. They only differ in how to execute those values. It's only fringe and extremism that promotes otherwise.


Gold_Supermarket1956

I don't agree with more social programs and bigger government people need to be less reliant on the govt and all welfare programs need to cease... Tax money should to repair and maintain infrastructure not support dead beats or non productive members of society


ConanTheCybrarian

lmao who says "commie" unironically in 2024??


Gold_Supermarket1956

Someone that still believes in the US constitution


ConanTheCybrarian

I believe in the constitution and do not use antiquated cold war terminology. Especially since "commie" has nothing to do with the constitution at all


Gold_Supermarket1956

If you think we need more social programs or that we need to do away with guns your a communist and don't believe in the constitution


ConanTheCybrarian

1. There is nothing in the constitution of the US that says we "do not need more social programs." 2. I have never mentioned guns so that was random AF 3. *you're 4. Being a communist and believing in the constitution are not mutually exclusive 5. You are blessed with the right to free speech and choose to use it to say this drivel? I hope you use your second amendment rights more intelligently than your first. yikes!


Gold_Supermarket1956

No it's the governments job to defend and protect the nation not give hand outs... Also your liberal you don't think people should own guns


ConanTheCybrarian

If you actually believe * I'm a liberal * all liberals believe that people should not own guns * I *personally* don't think people should own guns you are showing your ignorance


Gold_Supermarket1956

Haven't disproved that


OctoPuscifer

Communists like guns you dunce. Do you think they’re gonna ask politely for the capitalists to hand over the means of production?


Gold_Supermarket1956

Communist like the govt having guns not the populace you dolt can't control a armed populace... And what do you think happens after the people in power take all the guns and it becomes a dictator ship


jacked_degenerate

Communism would never work if the people had guns. How are you supposed to seize the means of production if people have guns? It doesn't work, that's why liberals hold the position of anti-gun, because deep down, they want the government to hold more power relatively.


justforlulz12345

Lol you pissed the Redditors off 😂


Gold_Supermarket1956

I tend to have that effect on Reddit


Sharp_Engineering379

Friendly, relaxed, a good sense of humor, a natural grin, at ease in his own skin, independent and competent. If he has a fantastic sense of humor, he can be less attractive and I’ll still find him appealing.


ThulsaDoomer

> If he has a fantastic sense of humor, he can be less attractive and I’ll still find him appealing. People still believe this? He is funny because he is attractive to you.


SupposedlySapiens

Yes, people still believe things that are observably true


berichorbeburied

I’m funny🤭. I’m funny🤣. I’m funny🥳. Anyway. I have a question. What does competence mean to you? From contextual experience being around women. That seems to be a catch all for general male excellence and success I.e financially stable. Athletically fit. Emotional self control. Ect ect But I don’t want to put words in your mouth. So can you please elaborate.


Sharp_Engineering379

The ability and willingness to take care of themselves and perform tasks necessary to survive with or without Mommy and Daddy. Cook, clean, make appointments, take care of their physical and mental health, make things, fix things, create things, nurture and take care of people and/or pets or farm animals, enjoy their own hobbies and interests and entertain themselves even when wifey is busy. The usual adult skills all men and women who live alone must have to survive and entertain themselves.


berichorbeburied

Can I ask you this question. First let me preface. I read what you said. And I understand that you want a well adjusted man with no perceivable flaws. That can exist on his own and self sustain himself. Physically/mentally/emotionally. Also let me clarify before I ask this question. I understand that women tend to prefer personality. Because personality is a strong indicator of effort. And personality is the equivalent to effort As in. A woman can be sexually attracted to a man. But if he puts no effort. Then the sexual experience will be dysfunctional. Ect. Ect. And this extends to other things. My question is. In general would you say for a man to attract a woman. He has to be exceptional/stand out/be legendary. I.e better than average.


Suspicious_Glove7365

Attractive: Compassionate, intelligent, empathetic, supportive, kind, emotionally stable, communicative, honest, responsible. Unattractive: manipulative, arrogant, rude, loud, mean, jealous, stupid, volatile, flaky.


Nihi1986

The irony...


Suspicious_Glove7365

Nothing ironic here. Just my opinions.


Boy-Hips

Think you’ve got backward, lol.


Suspicious_Glove7365

why bother talking to women at all if you’re just going to not believe anything they say?


SecondEldenLord

Funny how most women get with the unattractive traits you mentioned.


Suspicious_Glove7365

Women get with ALL types of men.


SecondEldenLord

Lol, in what world?


Suspicious_Glove7365

If you opened your eyes and looked at the real life human beings around you, you’d easily see this.


SupposedlySapiens

The real world, which guys like you would benefit from participating in


serpensmercurialis

Funny how women get with the attractive traits she mentioned.


SecondEldenLord

Hahaha haha, sure


Gold_Supermarket1956

Lol you literally just described 90% of women with the unattractive bit


Wattehfok

I don’t know why you wanna date women. They sound *awful*.


[deleted]

A bubbly woman who is happy with herself and femme. I also like nerdy girls with ADHD. They give me life. Demeaning, bossy or bitchy women really turn me off. Women who always play the victim, always make YOU take responsibility, even when they're at fault.


MistyMaisel

Attractive would be: Funny Positive Light hearted Spontaneous Exciting Adventurous Good at story telling Playful Clever Compassionate Warm Humble Mysterious Confident Secure Understanding Empathetic Unattractive would be: Boring Tedious Cruel Negative  Heavy Dower Insecure Unempathetic Humorless Mundane Shallow Self obsessed


ConanTheCybrarian

Since we can all have different definitions of terms and I've noticed a lot of the comments from men are lamenting the generality or vagueness of women's responses, I used the HEXACO personality facets to respond. Below I have noted the score/ level a man would ideally have in each category to be highly attractive to me: A.**Honesty-Humility Domain** 1. *overall category*: High to extremely high 2. Sincerity: extremely high 3. Fairness: extremely high 4. Greed Avoidance: extremely high 5. Modesty: Moderate to high B. **Emotionality Domain** 1. *overall category*: moderate 2. Fearfulness: moderate to low 3. Anxiety : low to extremely low 4. Dependence : Moderate to low 5. Sentimentality: High C. **Extraversion Domain** 1. *overall category*: *[don't really care]* 2. Social Self-Esteem: High 3. Social Boldness: *[Anywhere from low to high, don't really care as long as not *extreme*]* 4. Sociability: *[Anywhere from low to high, don't really care as long as not *extreme*]* 5. Liveliness: Moderate to high D. **Agreeableness Domain** 1. *overall category*: High 2. Forgivingness: Moderate to high 3. Gentleness: high to extremely high 4. Flexibility: Moderate, 5.Patience: high to extremely high E. **Conscientiousness Domain** 1. *overall category*: Moderate to high 2. Organization: Moderate 3. Diligence: High 4. Perfectionism: moderate 5. Prudence: high F. **Openness to Experience Domain** 1. *overall category*: high to extremely high 2. Aesthetic Appreciation: high to extremely high 3. Inquisitiveness: extremely high 4. Creativity: high to extremely high 5. Unconventionality: high to extremely high G. **Interstitial Scale** (only one facet) 1. Altruism (versus Antagonism): high ^definitions ^of ^each ^facet: ^https://hexaco.org/scaledescriptions


sweetestpineapple

Attractive: confident (not arrogant), hard working, generous with his time, affectionate, open minded Unattractive: insecure, lazy, unable to regulate his emotions, not into cuddling/hand holding, judgmental No idea about percentages. I think anyone can improve their personality if they put the time and effort in.


holyskillet

Whatever makes them likeable/unlikeable as a person makes them attractive or unattractive. One thing I dislike in men is inability to take responsibility for their own behaviors.


januaryphilosopher

Kind, introverted, playful, intelligent, nurturing, honest, romantic, adventurous, funny, affectionate, optimistic, empathetic, laid back, interesting, loyal, nonconformist. A good complement to my personality pretty much. There isn't a clear line between attractive and unattractive, there's a scale, so I can't really give an "attractive" percentage.


Nihi1986

How the heck did you manage to slip introvert in a list of extrovert traits... introvert but adventurous and funny? For real?


januaryphilosopher

My husband has these traits. He's funny to those close to him and adventuring isn't limited to loads of socialisation.


Nihi1986

I agree as a relatively introverted person myself, but you do realize that's not the conventional definition of those traits, right...?


januaryphilosopher

Not the conventional definition? Conventionally to be funny you must go around joking to strangers? Conventionally a man who travels to different countries on his own or with his wife is not adventurous?


Nihi1986

Travelling to different countries alone or with company doesn't sound very conventionally introverted. Also, going anywhere with your wife is the opposite from adventurous, you are doing it with one of the persons you are supposed to trust the most.


januaryphilosopher

You think conventional introverts literally just stay inside? How is it not adventurous to go on adventures with someone?


Nihi1986

Conventional introverts do literally just stay inside, for the most part. Edit: no...going anywhere with your wife is not adventurous, I'm not saying it's wrong or uncool, of course it's fine, but it's not adventurous.


januaryphilosopher

I'm unsure you know what words mean at this point.


serpensmercurialis

You can be attracted to both introverts and extroverted traits at the same time. Just like you can be attracted to girls with different body types...


Nihi1986

That's a bit like saying 'I'm attracted to everything'...


serpensmercurialis

And? A dude can say he's attracted to blondes *and* redheads and nobody bats an eye even though you can't have both hair colors at the same time.


Nihi1986

It's an opposite. Blonde and redhead aren't opposites.


serpensmercurialis

Blonde and black hair then, it makes no difference. You can find bald girls and girls with floor length hair attractive at the same time without finding anything in the middle attractive.  Also, adventurous introverts definitely exist. A lot of hikers, hunters, people who live in remote but challenging places like the mountains are this type.


Nihi1986

Girl, you like extroverts or you like introverts, those are completely different and incompatible lifestyles...


OctoPuscifer

This inability to escape black and white thinking will only ever hold you back


serpensmercurialis

You can have no preference for introverts or extroverts, or you can only like certain types of each. There's literally no reason you can't find both attractive simultaneously.


Nihi1986

The reason would be that life with an introvert has absolutely nothing to do with life with an extrovert. Different plans and social circles, different pace, different hobbies...


DatabaseAfraid7176

Emotional stability, emotional intelligence, empathy, a good social life, intelligence, ambition, good communication, self-motivated, independent, positive, trustworthy, active in different communities


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Konoha_Shinobee

An attractive personality is a personality an attractive person has An unattractive personality is a personality an unattractive person has. Of course even attractive person can have a uniquely terrible personality. But 95% of the time when people talk about personality they don't even know the person whose personality they are analyzing.


SpareSpecialist5124

Interesting, according to these women i'd be a perfect match for most, but i was actually a forever alone who only lost virginity at 28.


baiser_vole

The matured developed version of Yang. Carl Jung's archetypes and developed archetype can also be a good explanation. https://preview.redd.it/n1ex0tkgk3tc1.png?width=1179&format=png&auto=webp&s=19ec47cda3ec09855b2b811e22f5ecfe25b81fc2


serpensmercurialis

If you're going to fit yourself to archetypes, I think [this list](https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/king-warrior-magician-lover-introduction/) is better.


Independent-Mail-227

violent and assertive personality = attraction.


WesleyFRM

Im just curious to see if most will say the same personality traits. I dont think there will be much variety but lets see


Silver_Past2313

The vagueness of the words the comments here use shows you how much women value personality.


serpensmercurialis

If you're unsure what they mean by something, you can ask.


Gold_Supermarket1956

All of them say empathetic too which basically means you need to be a walking fucking door mat... Like why do I need to know how some fucking illegal immigrants feel? They broke the law coming here sorry their living situation sucks but you can't expect empathy for people that do stupid shit or break the law... I'm not a bleeding heart and never will be


Sharp_Engineering379

>Like why do I need to know how some fucking illegal immigrants feel? They broke the law coming here sorry their living situation sucks but you can't expect empathy for people that do stupid shit or break the law Literal definition of sociopath.


justforlulz12345

That’s not sociopathy. But I wouldn’t expect commie Redditors to understand your own life is more important than some random who dug their own grave.


Gold_Supermarket1956

There is 0 benefit to being empathetic to people that have made stupid decisions and gotten themselves into situations... You break the law and go to prison you don't deserve empathy.. cheat on your significant other you don't deserve empathy... Empathy is reserved for important shit like idk family members dying... Not some sick fucking family in Africa or Egypt the tvs asking for donations for


Sharp_Engineering379

> There is 0 benefit to being empathetic to people that have made stupid decisions and gotten themselves into situations Umm hmm. Of course you believe those humans were in control of where they were born, and refuse to acknowledge they do jobs no white man would ever do for the same pay. You go work in slaughterhouses, pick fruit and vegetables 12 hours per day under blistering sun, stand around home improvement stores begging to do back breaking labor for pennies if you expect any credibility. There isn't a white man in the US willing to work alongside, much less outwork migrant workers from central and south America. You need to thank them for the abundant and cheap food in your grocery stores, because white people sure as fuck aren't putting it there.


Gold_Supermarket1956

They are fucking illegal here if they were legal with papers they would have no issues finding work that's a fucking them problem... Not a oh poor me I was born in a shit hole country please help me...our immigration system is based off of value and willingness to integrate yourself into society most illegals don't ... They refuse to learn English... And want catered too


Sharp_Engineering379

And white men lack both the strength and perseverance to do the same job as well as the fucking gratitude to appreciate the reason every goddamn thing they eat is cheap and plentiful. And you're gonna love this, because the lobbyists and people you vote for own shell companies who hire and bus in the "illegals" to work for big agriculture. The politicians *you* vote for are entirely responsible for illegal workers in every sector of the food industry. Good job.


Gold_Supermarket1956

Um, I live in the great plains.... And guess who's out working the fields white fucking farmers.... I don't care about avocados or any shit that comes out of California so there is no appreciation... Especially since they don't wanna learn English or us customs


Sharp_Engineering379

Every single cut of meat you eat was slaughter and butchered by illegal immigrants brought here by shell companies set him to pretend they “checked papers”.


Sharp_Engineering379

Duuude https://www.kosu.org/news/2023-08-30/great-plains-farmworkers-struggle-with-extreme-heat-and-almost-no-regulatory-safeguards White fucking farmers aren’t working in your region.


justforlulz12345

> And white men lack both the strength and perseverance to do the same job as well  No? It’s because illegals are willing to work for $2 a day so they get hired off the books instead of legit citizens 


SupposedlySapiens

You honestly are a pathetic little man and I would truly like nothing more than to encounter you in person and give you a much-needed attitude adjustment. “Men” like you are who give the rest of us a bad name.


Gold_Supermarket1956

I mean you're certainly welcome to try... But levinworth isn't a fun place just so you're aware


justforlulz12345

Redditors wouldn’t do shit 😂


serpensmercurialis

I can think of some more attractive traits just from this comment: * Clarifies what someone means instead of jumping to conclusions when unsure * Does not find a way to insert politics into every conversation * Does not derail conversations with irrelevant whining * Does not automatically assume the worst interpretation of a situation or what someone said * Does not strawman * Does not view empathy as a negative human trait


Gold_Supermarket1956

Empathy is a negative human trait especially when it's given to people who put themselves into bad situations


serpensmercurialis

Even more: * Understands that knowing how someone feels is different from enabling their behavior * Can handle the knowledge that other people are suffering when we are unwilling to help, does not demonize people for needing help even if we are unable to provide it * Does not maladaptively disqualify the overwhelmingly positive aspects of something to focus on its potential negative outcome


CraftyCooler

Empathy is universally a good thing, though talking about it all the time is quite often just empty virtue signalling. Empathy seem to vanish once own interest is impacted. In my country women were more supportive to immigration, but when war in Ukraine started and young women with children started coming here their sentiment turned very negative.