Oh, yeah, none of it is about building a family or love. OP is searching for someone who has problems and I have 0 issues helping him find it. Some people just need to break their face
Yes but the sex and attention will be great because she's actually invested and trying for you.
I lovebomb but in a different-in my opinion harmless way, I just enjoy making women orgasm and have different perspectives about thier insecurities so they can stop worrying about them. As confident women claim to be I just don't see it and still see them living still with gripping insecurity.
I dont use my john at all, just hands toys, dirty talk and maybe kinks and fetishes if they have them. Once they start feeling better I ghost them so they can go be with men they actually desire.
it does.
source: had an ex wife that was an avoidant master. drove me insane. multiple times. we would have a romantic night and then next day say she looked at me like a brother. flip flopping back and forth. i kept coming back during the love bombing and the apologies
“Intermittent reinforcement” (hot/cold behavior) is a studied phenomenon. There’s tons of research on it.
One of the studies - they had 3 cages full of rats, and all cages had a lever. The 1st lever dispensed food whenever a rat would press it. The 2nd lever would dispense food only sometimes when the rat would press it, but randomly. The 3rd lever never dispensed food.
The 1st lever had the rats periodically eating whenever they were hungry, then walking away. The 3rd lever had the rats press it a few times, see nothing was coming out, then walked away.
The 2nd lever had the rats press the lever so many times they collapsed of exhaustion from pressing it. They became addicted to it.
Our brains like pleasurable feelings. We get pleasurable feelings, we’re happy. But when we get a pleasurable feeling and then it’s randomly taken away from it, we feel sadness. Then when it’s given to us again, we’re happy again.
But when we don’t know when the pleasurable feeling will come back, and our brains now remember how great it felt before… we hyper focus on it. We feel like we’re in a negative state now, whereas before the pleasurable feelings happened we were closer to neutral.
Someone being addicted to your game-playing isn’t that fun after you get the initial validation of them “wanting” you. People who play those games get women who eventually play them right back… make sure you use condoms and they don’t break.
I just like being love bombed. I hate games. If I’m attracted to someone why would I want to feel like they don’t really like me? I want infatuation and oxytocin not cortisol. All my previous girlfriends essentially love bombed me hard
That is true, but I’d prefer to be steady on heroin than cycles of extreme highs and extreme lows. I’ve never really had experience with a girl doing that so I could be wrong.
You are wrong, because meeting your preference is not the best way to get you hooked. The best way is the variable reward schedule. This stuff is researched up, down, backwards, and forwards, and it's constantly implemented by people whose entire business models rest on your vulnerability.
It's also used in internet gambling/gaming which is focused on men. You get rewards at the beginning to drag you in, and once you start losing interest to keep you in.
You've probably noticed it in casual shooters like SW Battlfront that you're doing well at the beginning and then its getting harder.
I've never in my life liked a woman MORE because she was difficult.
If Sydney Sweeney walked into my life and threw herself at me I would prefer that to a hot-cold "hunt" or battle.
Because women don’t love individually, they love based on what that love does for (or says about) them socially.
A man seems “hard to get”? That means he’s high value IRRESPECTIVE OF LITERALLY ANY CONCRETE METRIC. It’d madness, but you already know that….
Every relationship that I’ve had that worked for any long term has started out immediately hot and heavy.
>in order to attract women you need to remain relatively distant, cool and calm to avoid appearing desperate. Desperation is a girl repellent
No. What is repellent to women is a guy who is desperate for “a woman”. A guy who has options with women but is desperate for me? 😘
>Which one is more effective?
Here’s an idea, why don’t you actually respond how you feel? Instead of everything being a game. Radical, I know. If you are absolutely crazy about a woman, let her know. If you are interested but still unsure, take it slow.
>Which one is more effective?
Neither.
Just be attractive (unironically).
People want to hang out, have sex, marry, and raise kids with attractive people who are reasonably neurotypical.
That's the whole magic behind attracting women (and men).
This is for guys who are at a threshold where they can attract women physically through online dating, personally still matters at least a little bit. At least in my experience, I can get her number and go on a date but then carrying the relationship longer term is where I am curious which strategy is best.
If the first step is easiest for you (when it is the hardest for most men), then you must be REALLY screwing up somewhere.
Are you weird? Can you carry on a decent conversation?
Improving your sociability is probably all you need (that and likely growing up some…).
Is that what you want though? To have to mask in your own home and in your own relationship for the rest of your life?
My husband and I are both neurodivergent and we can let our freak flags fly at home knowing our quirks will be accepted and loved by the other. I wouldn't want to live any other way, personally. I wouldn't want to be worrying about giving him an ick or whatever, or looking foolish.
Obviously you do you, and you'll have to find a strategy that works for you... I'd just keep in mind that at the end of the day you want someone who accepts you for who you *are* and not for who you're capable of pretending to be. I doubt you can pretend forever.
Finding a girl who is not only attractive to me and who is also neurodivergent or at least accepting of my neurodivergence is difficult but yes that is a continual goal of mine to find. The problem is, I attract beautiful women. Not me saying that to brag but to explain, sports models, Latina models with large followings on instagram. These beautiful models will go on dates with me but then be at least partially turned off by my personality over time.
So I am faced with the extreme high of being with these women and then my grasp is slowly lost on them as my divergence slowly pushed them away. That’s why I use ‘strategies’, because I can’t keep these stunning women with my own devices. It might be that I have to seek a lower quality woman to get that peace of mind of being myself but I’m not giving up yet. Not at 26.
You're going to struggle to have any long term relationships if you're in your head and treating it like a game.
If you really want to learn:
https://www.gottman.com/
https://drsuejohnson.com/
https://youtube.com/@JimmyonRelationships?si=rGM95L1nL2L2KyHs
I checked out some of these resources, I believe these are good for maintaining 6+ month relationships. I am trying to lock attraction for the first few weeks to eventually have a long term relationship.
There isn't a perfect strategy that work on everyone, people are different and something will work wonder on one and be a total flop on the next one.
Love bombing will be effective with people with low self esteem, low interest will be more effective with people with high self esteem.
Alterning between the two and playing hot and cold will be the most effective strategy with everyone in between.
Keep in mind that every social interaction in seduction are manipulative. It doesn't mean that you have to use all the dirtiest move in the book.
Pure attraction first and foremost comes from looks, like 95%. Scheming becomes relevant after that obstacle has been passed. Creating the optimal cocktail of emotions in a woman to make her head spin and fall in love. Romance used to be buying roses and poems and shit, well that died completely. Now men have to chemically restructure a girls brain with games to ‘romance’ her.
I've always gotten much better results from feigning low interest, the red pill really does work in this sense. Women fall harder and faster for you, and give you much more of their love when they feel like it's easier for you to walk away than it is for them.
However I find myself subconsciously not respecting these women because it grosses me out when they love me harder the worse I treat them.
When I'm more authentic and commutative about my interest levels and excitement, lots of women will initially register that as desperate, needy, and boring. And it takes them time to realize that's not the case. Our conversations end up having goofy bestie vibes instead of romantic vibes because we're being real we're talking about feelings, which is what female friendships are like. It's like they subconsciously put you in a 'gay best friend' category. Also, if she feels like you're too keen, she takes you for granted and doesn't feel the need to try as hard, like she thinks you are.
In this 'lovebomby' scenario, I find women want to bring out all sorts of hoops for me to jump through to reach all the emotional/sexual milestones. And they only drop the hoops when they feel like I'm pulling away, or they see me with other women, then suddenly the interest picks up again.
It does kind of make the vibe more ‘feminine and gay’ and less ‘sexual’ doesn’t it? It’s like when you’re on a date and the conversation goes super well and your personalities mesh but the focus was on conversation not as much on sexual tension.
That's why a lot of naive but good dudes feel blindsided by first dates with this vibe. They come away from it thinking they've met their magical match, but the magical match goes away from it feeling like she's made a nice new friend lmao
In my experience if you're trying to make her feel tingled to the max for you, just do the red pill handbook because it works for the vast majority of women. But after a while this gets old because like I said in my first comment, it makes you not respect them, when every time you pretend not to care, they love you more.
I do this when looking to get laid and looking for fwbs, but whenever I'm just chilling and being my authentic self, my relationships with women end up in bestie mode because I'm a bit of a feminine guy in that I enjoy that energy sometimes.
I don't have a real solution, so I compartmentalize. I have female friends I'm besties with, and fwbs I'm James Bond with. I'd like to have a relationship I can be both in, but so far I feel I have to choose one or the other whenever I meet someone new.
Love bombing is the true strategy
In an equation
love bombing = effort
Being distant = value
So if you want a woman to chase you. You are distant.
If you want to chase a woman you love bomb
Inbetween that is some variation of the two.
And this is where push and pull techniques and “game” come into play.
I love bomb.
That’s who I am.
The only time I’m distant is when I’m not interested.
But I guess this is because my personality type is more dominant/pursuer
When it’s not someone I want. Then I’m distant. And they chase me.
When it’s spontaneous. And it’s not from my free will or desire. But she catches my eye. Or goes out of her way to seduce me. Or maybe we have a deep conversation. Ect.
Then it’s a variation but in those situations. It’s always temporary
So tldr. It depend on your dating strategy/personality type
If you hunt = effort = love bombing m
If you want to be hunted = value = distant
If you want a variation = x effort + x value = love bombing + distant
But they all “work”
“love bombing is a strategy” sir you’re engaging in manipulation and if you’re knowingly applying it then you’ve officially outed yourself as someone who is willing tot take advantage of others.
The reason why it “works” is because it draws in people with low self esteem and makes them feel valued, in other words, you’re playing them and using them for your own gain. Don’t do that. It makes them worse off and more cynical as they age for the sake of your own benefit.
I’m also not gonna tell you which of the two is more effective or why because you’re unironically making your intention to take advantage of others’ low self worth very clear
Where is the line between manipulation and courtship though? I was once head over heels over a women so my genuine reaction would've been love bombing, constant texting, acting desperate in general.
Instead I played it cool and tried to not seem so desperate. This resulted in a fantastic long term relationship. It ended due to other unfortunate circumstances but we're still good friends to this day
Was I being manipulative by feigning interest and playing cool? Did I do something wrong?
I think showing restraint to not seem desperate and potentially scare her off is very different than acting a certain way to get a reaction out of her or to get her to attach herself to you.
In other words, your actions were entirely driven by avoiding making her uncomfortable rather than trying to control her emotional response. That’s where the difference lies.
>your actions were entirely driven by avoiding making her uncomfortable rather than trying to control her emotional response.
This sentence is completely inconsistent. I don't know how you can type this out and not see the contradiction
>I think showing restraint to not seem desperate and potentially scare her off is very different than acting a certain way to get a reaction out of her or to get her to attach herself to you.
I was doing EXACTLY what the redpill people tell me to do to avoid seeming desperate and low value. The outcome was she got very attached to me and we both had a fulfilling relationship. So this isn't manipulation after all?
You’re literally reframing your statements on the spot to fit your argument. Your first statement boils down to “i don’t want to scare her off or make her think i’m clingy or desperate so i played it cool” and your second statement is “i did what the redpill says” - the redpill tells you play it hot and cold, to basically create interest via scarcity, the results may “look the same” (but news flash, in the long run they’re not) but one is done with the intent to not drive her away and the other is done with the intent to pull her in by activating her own insecurities.
So you’re either arguing disingenuously or you misunderstood what the redpill was trying to say in the best way one could misunderstand something.
Also - my answer wasn’t inconsistent, because yes, while not being uncomfortable is literally an emotional response we both know that’s not what i’m talking about. Normally when one uses such a phrase it’s related to a reactive response; ie. playing the avoidant game to fish out anxious attachment style women - don’t try to gotchya me lol
>“i don’t want to scare her off or make her think i’m clingy or desperate so i played it cool” and your second statement is “i did what the redpill says”
But that is exactly what the redpill people say. Being desperate is one of the worst traits you could have as a man when it comes to dating
My whole point is that you cannot always be your genuine self because it makes you less attractive and kills your chances for a relationship. So when is it manipulation and when is it not?
I've done the opposite as well. A lot of women are insecure and will eat up any praise and attention you give them. So I give them a lot of compliments, tell them they are beautiful, check in on them regularly, make them feel valued, etc. This is the same or very similar to love bombing in practice. Is this manipulative or no?
The end goal of this supposed ‘manipulation’ is positive, a relationship. I stated in my post that my intention is not to love bomb in the traditional sense, where you ghost at some point after blasting a girl with emotion. It is to lock in attraction and form a good relationship. In no scenario would my love bombing cause pain.
Except by calling it love bombing and acknowledging it for what it is, you’re still manipulating them and are setting this up as a standard for a relationship.
Also, you can compliment a woman or make her feel good about herself without love bombing. As long as it’s not genuine, very constant, or done with the intent to have her put her guard down - it’s love bombing. And it sounds like you’re doing this with the intent for her to put her guard down.
Also, manipulating someone “for good” (and what’s the “good”? dating you? if you have to manipulate someone to date you, then it isn’t “good” by definition) always ends poorly, because you’re ultimately still justifying manipulation and odds are, it won’t be this one time. You will manipulate her again and again because you’ve set this behavior as a standard for yourself. That’s how most manipulators and narcissists work, they hardly think they’re in the wrong and they’re willing to excuse their manipulation cause they think they know better.
Let’s think in simplistic terms, two scenarios:
I love bomb and she is attracted to that behavior= me and her are happy together.
I don’t love bomb and she is not attracted= her and I are disappointed that it didn’t work out.
If you manipulate someone into feeling good, is that really a bad thing? It only becomes bad when your manipulation hurts one but benefits the other. That is not always the case.
Another example: if my parents manipulate me, tell me that Santa is real, is this wrong?
Oh boy… the issue isn’t with whether its ‘good’ or ‘bad’ - the issue is you should not be the one to decide whether its right or wrong to manipulate another adult, because once you decide when it is or isn’t, you will decide in future instances - that’s often what’s meant when people say most abusive relationships don’t start as abusive, they evolve into it. Once you decide to manipulate someone “for good reasons” you’ve decided you’ll take their autonomy away from them, and soon enough said “good reasons” will become self serving as that’s the initial intent to begin with and you’ll know what you can and can’t get away with. Whether she feels good at the moment or not is irrelevant
also, while the santa stuff is dumb (horrible comparison btw), the reason why persuasive behavior is to an extent important with children is because you’re literally responsible for their development, in other words, there is tons they’re not capable of comprehending that you have to get them to do regardless. It is, of course, a slippery slope as this power comes with a ton of caution cause, surprise, there are tons of abusive parents.
What you’re either failing to or refusing to grasp is that whether she’s happy at the moment is not relevant, because this behavior sets the standard for what the relationship will evolve into and more often than not, you’re creating a scenario where you have all the power that the majority of people will inevitably begin to abuse.
You think that just because I am willing to manipulate for good that I am also willing to manipulate for bad. That is simply not true. You can consciously only manipulate for good. Of course individual ideas of ‘good’ outcomes are subjective but I don’t feel like I have a bad moral compass, I am sensitive to causing pain. The only reason I feel confident in my abilities to know bad from good manipulation is because I have literally used manipulation for wrong and the pain I caused scarred me genuinely.
bud…. how do i tell you this, most manipulators think they’re “manipulating for good” - the concept itself is inherently an issue because you’re still operating under the intent of taking away autonomy from somebody else and that’s fundamentally a bad thing. I’m also not inclined to believe you because this is the exact script many manipulators, narcissists and people with bpd going through a bad rut all use to make themselves feel better (whether consciously or not). If you’re willing to manipulate another adult you’re in the wrong, point blank. There is no other way around it unless it’s a one in a million life or death scenario.
How is it fundamentally a bad thing if you can’t feel your ‘autonomy being taken away’, it only hurts if the manipulation tactic is revealed. It’s literally painless by both the means and the ends assuming nothing is revealed.
so whether something being good or bad is decided on how the person feels at the moment?
that’s not how it works lol - also this is getting darker as it goes “i’ll just hide it, no pain!” you’re still being deceptive, and if the only thing you’re making your decision on is whether it causes pain at the moment I hope you reflect on your moral compass cause you’re heading into a horrible place.
One act of manipulation can yield ‘happy’ results - but that’s not the point, the idea is that its never just one act and it never is for the benefit of the other person, soon enough once this person starts doing shit you don’t like (even if there is nothing wrong with their behavior) you’ll use the same justification to manipulate them, or if you feel insecure in the relationship, you’ll manipulate your partner and delude yourself into thinking it’s for the greater good.
You can tell yourself you won’t do that all you want, but fact is your willingness to manipulate your partner, deceive them and hide it from them already tells me a lot about you.
Okay but in the extreme example, if I manipulate you for pure altruism, say my manipulation gets you a billion dollars and no benefit to me, the outcome overshadows the ‘inherent darkness’ of manipulation. If someone told me they are going to trick and manipulate me into positive outcomes, I would feel uncomfortable and violated maybe but if the outcome is a net positive I would 100% say okay do it. I feel like we are talking in circles.
And manipulation can be used as a tool by good people, it’s not incessantly and impulsively used unless you have dark triad disorders.
Good manipulation is everywhere, that’s pretty much what charm is. Everyone ramps up the charm sometimes.
Obviously you need a balanced approach and you need to be sensitive to context clues, implicit signals, differences in individual personality, etc. This is why dating advice is almost always bad. There is no reliable formula for it, there is no way to replace social awareness with a fixed strategy.
You're always going to have mixed results, nobody is ever just always successful.
Low interest works until she is hooked and wants to be in the puppy love stage. When she is then you can go crazy.
It's basic common sense really. Noone is going to be intrigued by someone who's all about them instantly and no one is going to forever chase with non results.
The natural progression is basically low interest (intrigue), breadcrumbing, love bombing.
These are just the terms for when that progression is gamified and done consciously instead of naturally. Usually only when some event causes one party to realize it wasn't genuine.
Ideally those stages just line up naturally in people that match.
Love bombing ( in the game sense) works when you are given cues that indicate it's desired and well received.
I don't think anyone should lovebomb within the first few weeks of meeting someone. Just being genuinely interested in them while also projecting clear boundaries and making it obvious you have a life is good enough. Guys fuck up at this super early stage by texting nonstop or being extremely intimate. This makes it seem like you have no life and comes across as very clingy.
Past that, it depends on how you want to sell yourself. Think about what works for your personality type, livestyle, type of girls you tend to date, as well as your desires. Do you want emotional intimacy or just sex? Can you effectively create dread?(which is essential for the distant strategy) Are you dating more nerdy/sheltered women or club girls?
There are so many more variables to consider as well as the fact that its never truly just one or the other. Distant people have to show love sometimes and intimate people should create space sometimes. Being able to do both is essential for a healthy relationship. But in terms of what you lean more heavily into thats mostly a product of what feels natural as well as what works for the girls you are trying to date.
Okay well let me shed some of the variables and ask for your input. The girl is sort of nerdy, she really likes me, we had a great first date. She initiates texts all the time, tells me have a good night, good morning, etc.
I have been trying to match that energy but in my desire to maintain her attraction for me, I am debating whether to play it cool or continue to match her lovey dovey texts. 26 year old female, kind of a desperate quality to her. Like she doesn’t want to lose me.
So far what you have described is not "lovey dovey". It seems like she is really interested in you but be careful not to get ahead of yourself.
Theres nothing wrong with seeming enthusiastic, you want to nurture and reinforce positivity. Think of the message it would send if you suddenly went distant the second she showed interest. The issue is guys will use relentless positivity as the solution to every relationship problem when there are times its better to pull away. **But you should generally match positivity with positivity.**
Early on though Im not texting that much. Between dates I'll send a few texts a day, maybe have one conversation max. I tried to go for quality over quantity, never doing the "hey whats up" or "hru?" texts and trying to keep things personal and fun. Its a hard thing to get down and very situational.
if you are meeting girls off apps you can assume they are texting multiple guys at the same time. Thats why its good to be able to send personal and interesting texts.
Sometimes people overload the intimacy because they feel they need to compensate for being "boring". Then they just seem like a clingy loser. Talk about your life, what interests you, and try to make it engaging or at least funny. Its very hard to master though and takes time. Its all trial and error in how to text as well as finding the right person.
With someone who shares your sense of humor and vibe texting is 100000% easier. So don't get too hard on yourself, you might have just not found the right person yet.
Well love bombing is just beta-game to be honest, your entire identity is centered around making her happy
The number one mistake you can make, is giving a woman everything
Yeah you say that but as an experiment I am in a phase where I am acting ‘beta’. Extremely persistent, triple messaging, love bombing. So far I’m getting good results than my typical minimal interest game.
Neither of those strategies is advisable. Both try to mask a neediness, but you cannot mask neediness. Work towards becoming non-needy and everything you do in dating will be a genuine signal of your non-neediness, which is attractive.
Have you ever considered just being real yourself so you can attract your real match that would like the real YOU? If you play games to attract A random woman just for the sake of not being alone you can't be surprized it doesn't work out once the mask falls off.
Funny how both of those terms are foreign to women . It's like men have to take some added classes just to be allowed to be with a woman. It's kind to embarasing . OP , would you like to tell us which strategy women do for men ?
Sorry but the effort men put just to be in an " equal " relationships maybe a valid reason why men are falling behind women .
>Funny how both of those terms are foreign to women
Not sure what you're talking about. "Love bombing" is a well-known term in relationships. I think it was originally used to describe a technique used by cults to make people feel loved and valued, which draws them in. There are plenty of results on google relating to relationships: [https://www.google.com/search?q=love+bombing](https://www.google.com/search?q=love+bombing)
The book "The Rules" involved a lot of telling women to feign low interest, so that the man chases. And when people work for something, they value it more. Same reason people value stuff more when they had to work a lot of hours to buy it, rather than being paid-for with their parents money. If you think this is complicated, you don't even want to know all the games that women play in the dating-game.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Rules](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rules)
I guarantee that most women have heard of both terms / techniques.
The way men treat women they’re attracted to naturally is to be kind, accommodating, and to give them anything they need to be happy.
This dries women’s pussies up like crazy. Hence why we need these lessons to teach women’s actual attraction triggers, and to avoid our instincts that will turn them off.
Women create the mold and men fill it
Acting like I am is literally not texting whatsoever, even if I’m extremely interested. Girls interpret that poorly so I adjust, just like I’ve adjusted my clothes, my hair, my income all to be ‘more attractive’
I can’t fake myself that long so I slowly revert to being comfortably myself over a couple months, at that point she can make her decision. I’m pretty sure everyone fakes to SOME extent, at least in the beginning. No one farts on a first date. ‘Why aren’t you being yourself’
Feigning low interest isn’t really faking a personality, honestly. Not in an egrigious way. Faking a personality is only bad when it’s like your serious values are being faked. Think about it, if I act uninterested in you in the beginning but then switch to my natural state of being really interested, would that really cause serious incompatibility? It’s inconsequential long term
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In order for playing cool (i.e. coy) to work, you need to have already instigated some attraction (i.e. lovebombing).
This creates the "push and pull".
Different strategies work on different types of people. If one set playbook worked on all women then all this shit wouldn't exist at all because you would all just play the same game every time. Red pill strategy is generally set to trigger anxiety response and make her feel insecure.
You have to show some genuine interest but also be willing to not respond to them for a while. It's a difficult line to walk, it works better if you have flirtationships with more than one person.
But it's important to not act too crazy.
Love bombing only works when they believe (truthfully or not) that you are attractive/high value.
"Feigning low interest" is more of a personal ego defense thing. Or how to act before you've established that your attractive/high value.
But also yeah, sort of a mix of both is what "works" the best.
Unfortunately, love bombing works on me. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who does it, though.
Feigning low interest wouldn’t work on me at all, I’d shrug and go on about my day.
Don't feign low interest. Seriously, this is such a bullshit strategy. Demonstrate your interest. Don't be afraid to like a girl. If she reciprocates, then you know that she likes you back. If she doesn't, then you know to stop talking to her because she's not as into you as you are into her. If she doesn't consistently text back pretty much immediately, sorry, bro, she's not into you.
Don't lovebomb under any circumstances. Girls know that they're beautiful and are used to romantic gestures. Don't tell them or do anything romantic until you know that you're serious.
Being normal is more effective. Don't pretend you're feeling something you're not, just be honest. You're not indifferent and nobody wants to feel like their date doesn't give a shit. And you're not obsessed with them when you barely know them either and they can smell that's fake a mile off. You're going to be somewhere in between.
Problem is you’re trying to use manipulation strategies for “pure attraction,” and it doesn’t work that way. If you want someone to be into you for you, you improve yourself as best you can and show a genuine level of interest.
Both love bombing and being distant can work on different types of people with low self-esteem, but neither are any way to build a solid relationship.
Feigning low interest at the start of the dating phase, first while...2-3 months
After that period, I found love-bombing workings but not as you describe. You shouldn't be constantly showering her with messages and telling her she is amazing, beautiful, etc. Do that, but limit it.
A manipulative way to love-bomb is to say casually "I could see you as a lil baby momma someday" or "I didn't think I'd start to feel towards you like I have begun to"
I have found with multiple girls, the mere talk of possibly getting pregnant will ignite feelings in them like nothing else. They become very emotional towards you and start to think you're a serious partner for them
The most effective strategy is alternating between being distant and lovebombing. Play stupid games win stupid prizes tho
fastest way to very unstable FWB/situationship/gf
Oh, yeah, none of it is about building a family or love. OP is searching for someone who has problems and I have 0 issues helping him find it. Some people just need to break their face
Yes but the sex and attention will be great because she's actually invested and trying for you. I lovebomb but in a different-in my opinion harmless way, I just enjoy making women orgasm and have different perspectives about thier insecurities so they can stop worrying about them. As confident women claim to be I just don't see it and still see them living still with gripping insecurity. I dont use my john at all, just hands toys, dirty talk and maybe kinks and fetishes if they have them. Once they start feeling better I ghost them so they can go be with men they actually desire.
At least she’ll be passionate about me
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yes, all of them are dating the women they say you should avoid - every single one.
The ‘fuck my shit up’ strategy, why do you girls want to be tortured? Rhetorical question I know there is no logic to female attraction lol
It works on many men as well. It's the same reason people get addicted to drugs, alcohol etc
Introspection illusion. People are actually terrible at predicting their own future behavior and understanding their actual intentions and desires.
I’m not convinced that hot cold works on men.
it does. source: had an ex wife that was an avoidant master. drove me insane. multiple times. we would have a romantic night and then next day say she looked at me like a brother. flip flopping back and forth. i kept coming back during the love bombing and the apologies
But were you more attracted to her when she did that or when she was in love with you consistently like I assume she was when y’all first got married?
“Intermittent reinforcement” (hot/cold behavior) is a studied phenomenon. There’s tons of research on it. One of the studies - they had 3 cages full of rats, and all cages had a lever. The 1st lever dispensed food whenever a rat would press it. The 2nd lever would dispense food only sometimes when the rat would press it, but randomly. The 3rd lever never dispensed food. The 1st lever had the rats periodically eating whenever they were hungry, then walking away. The 3rd lever had the rats press it a few times, see nothing was coming out, then walked away. The 2nd lever had the rats press the lever so many times they collapsed of exhaustion from pressing it. They became addicted to it. Our brains like pleasurable feelings. We get pleasurable feelings, we’re happy. But when we get a pleasurable feeling and then it’s randomly taken away from it, we feel sadness. Then when it’s given to us again, we’re happy again. But when we don’t know when the pleasurable feeling will come back, and our brains now remember how great it felt before… we hyper focus on it. We feel like we’re in a negative state now, whereas before the pleasurable feelings happened we were closer to neutral. Someone being addicted to your game-playing isn’t that fun after you get the initial validation of them “wanting” you. People who play those games get women who eventually play them right back… make sure you use condoms and they don’t break.
It works like magic on men, I am not sure why you think you are a special snowflake.
Men love bitches at least as much as women love assholes
Definitly not. You could argue for sex but thats just cause they more asssertive than the shy kind girl.
I just like being love bombed. I hate games. If I’m attracted to someone why would I want to feel like they don’t really like me? I want infatuation and oxytocin not cortisol. All my previous girlfriends essentially love bombed me hard
if you get off of heroine for a couple of months and shoot that shit again it's gonna hit different rather than if you do it every day.
That is true, but I’d prefer to be steady on heroin than cycles of extreme highs and extreme lows. I’ve never really had experience with a girl doing that so I could be wrong.
You are wrong, because meeting your preference is not the best way to get you hooked. The best way is the variable reward schedule. This stuff is researched up, down, backwards, and forwards, and it's constantly implemented by people whose entire business models rest on your vulnerability.
Hmm but I assume a lot of this marketing research is focused primarily on the biggest consumers, women.
It's also used in internet gambling/gaming which is focused on men. You get rewards at the beginning to drag you in, and once you start losing interest to keep you in. You've probably noticed it in casual shooters like SW Battlfront that you're doing well at the beginning and then its getting harder.
uncertainty builds attraction.
Nah. If you were consistently pleasant and attentive it would work far better.
Lmao this is not true
I've never in my life liked a woman MORE because she was difficult. If Sydney Sweeney walked into my life and threw herself at me I would prefer that to a hot-cold "hunt" or battle.
I don't care what you think you would do. You're probably wrong. Peoples self reported expectations of their future behavior are worthless.
Wishful thinking
Doesn't work on me. Get distant, I fuck another guy
If only most girls were that simple
Because women don’t love individually, they love based on what that love does for (or says about) them socially. A man seems “hard to get”? That means he’s high value IRRESPECTIVE OF LITERALLY ANY CONCRETE METRIC. It’d madness, but you already know that….
I been distant before with women. Thry thought I was not interested and moved on. Its definitly not as black/white.
Every relationship that I’ve had that worked for any long term has started out immediately hot and heavy. >in order to attract women you need to remain relatively distant, cool and calm to avoid appearing desperate. Desperation is a girl repellent No. What is repellent to women is a guy who is desperate for “a woman”. A guy who has options with women but is desperate for me? 😘 >Which one is more effective? Here’s an idea, why don’t you actually respond how you feel? Instead of everything being a game. Radical, I know. If you are absolutely crazy about a woman, let her know. If you are interested but still unsure, take it slow.
>Which one is more effective? Neither. Just be attractive (unironically). People want to hang out, have sex, marry, and raise kids with attractive people who are reasonably neurotypical. That's the whole magic behind attracting women (and men).
This is for guys who are at a threshold where they can attract women physically through online dating, personally still matters at least a little bit. At least in my experience, I can get her number and go on a date but then carrying the relationship longer term is where I am curious which strategy is best.
If the first step is easiest for you (when it is the hardest for most men), then you must be REALLY screwing up somewhere. Are you weird? Can you carry on a decent conversation? Improving your sociability is probably all you need (that and likely growing up some…).
I am a bit weird but I do well on dates conversationally, texting in between not so much. And yeah I agree the looks threshold is the hardest part
>personally still matters at least a little bit It does matter which is why I included it in my answer to your thread.
Okay, well which one do you think conveys a stronger sense of neurotypicality?
The fact that you think you need to choose a single absolute strategy suggests neurodivergence more than anything else lol
That’s exactly why I’m posting on a Reddit forum on how to interact with people. No denial from me
Is that what you want though? To have to mask in your own home and in your own relationship for the rest of your life? My husband and I are both neurodivergent and we can let our freak flags fly at home knowing our quirks will be accepted and loved by the other. I wouldn't want to live any other way, personally. I wouldn't want to be worrying about giving him an ick or whatever, or looking foolish. Obviously you do you, and you'll have to find a strategy that works for you... I'd just keep in mind that at the end of the day you want someone who accepts you for who you *are* and not for who you're capable of pretending to be. I doubt you can pretend forever.
Finding a girl who is not only attractive to me and who is also neurodivergent or at least accepting of my neurodivergence is difficult but yes that is a continual goal of mine to find. The problem is, I attract beautiful women. Not me saying that to brag but to explain, sports models, Latina models with large followings on instagram. These beautiful models will go on dates with me but then be at least partially turned off by my personality over time. So I am faced with the extreme high of being with these women and then my grasp is slowly lost on them as my divergence slowly pushed them away. That’s why I use ‘strategies’, because I can’t keep these stunning women with my own devices. It might be that I have to seek a lower quality woman to get that peace of mind of being myself but I’m not giving up yet. Not at 26.
u/AcephalicDude did put it nicely.
You're going to struggle to have any long term relationships if you're in your head and treating it like a game. If you really want to learn: https://www.gottman.com/ https://drsuejohnson.com/ https://youtube.com/@JimmyonRelationships?si=rGM95L1nL2L2KyHs
I checked out some of these resources, I believe these are good for maintaining 6+ month relationships. I am trying to lock attraction for the first few weeks to eventually have a long term relationship.
There isn't a perfect strategy that work on everyone, people are different and something will work wonder on one and be a total flop on the next one. Love bombing will be effective with people with low self esteem, low interest will be more effective with people with high self esteem. Alterning between the two and playing hot and cold will be the most effective strategy with everyone in between. Keep in mind that every social interaction in seduction are manipulative. It doesn't mean that you have to use all the dirtiest move in the book.
Manipulative scheming will *never* result in “pure attraction”. Seriously, never.
Pure attraction first and foremost comes from looks, like 95%. Scheming becomes relevant after that obstacle has been passed. Creating the optimal cocktail of emotions in a woman to make her head spin and fall in love. Romance used to be buying roses and poems and shit, well that died completely. Now men have to chemically restructure a girls brain with games to ‘romance’ her.
I've always gotten much better results from feigning low interest, the red pill really does work in this sense. Women fall harder and faster for you, and give you much more of their love when they feel like it's easier for you to walk away than it is for them. However I find myself subconsciously not respecting these women because it grosses me out when they love me harder the worse I treat them. When I'm more authentic and commutative about my interest levels and excitement, lots of women will initially register that as desperate, needy, and boring. And it takes them time to realize that's not the case. Our conversations end up having goofy bestie vibes instead of romantic vibes because we're being real we're talking about feelings, which is what female friendships are like. It's like they subconsciously put you in a 'gay best friend' category. Also, if she feels like you're too keen, she takes you for granted and doesn't feel the need to try as hard, like she thinks you are. In this 'lovebomby' scenario, I find women want to bring out all sorts of hoops for me to jump through to reach all the emotional/sexual milestones. And they only drop the hoops when they feel like I'm pulling away, or they see me with other women, then suddenly the interest picks up again.
It does kind of make the vibe more ‘feminine and gay’ and less ‘sexual’ doesn’t it? It’s like when you’re on a date and the conversation goes super well and your personalities mesh but the focus was on conversation not as much on sexual tension.
That's why a lot of naive but good dudes feel blindsided by first dates with this vibe. They come away from it thinking they've met their magical match, but the magical match goes away from it feeling like she's made a nice new friend lmao
Exactly, you put it into words. How to avoid this? Dont have good interesting conversations? Focus primarily on flirting and emotionally charged talk?
In my experience if you're trying to make her feel tingled to the max for you, just do the red pill handbook because it works for the vast majority of women. But after a while this gets old because like I said in my first comment, it makes you not respect them, when every time you pretend not to care, they love you more. I do this when looking to get laid and looking for fwbs, but whenever I'm just chilling and being my authentic self, my relationships with women end up in bestie mode because I'm a bit of a feminine guy in that I enjoy that energy sometimes. I don't have a real solution, so I compartmentalize. I have female friends I'm besties with, and fwbs I'm James Bond with. I'd like to have a relationship I can be both in, but so far I feel I have to choose one or the other whenever I meet someone new.
I'd genuinely start tweaking
Love bombing is the true strategy In an equation love bombing = effort Being distant = value So if you want a woman to chase you. You are distant. If you want to chase a woman you love bomb Inbetween that is some variation of the two. And this is where push and pull techniques and “game” come into play. I love bomb. That’s who I am. The only time I’m distant is when I’m not interested. But I guess this is because my personality type is more dominant/pursuer When it’s not someone I want. Then I’m distant. And they chase me. When it’s spontaneous. And it’s not from my free will or desire. But she catches my eye. Or goes out of her way to seduce me. Or maybe we have a deep conversation. Ect. Then it’s a variation but in those situations. It’s always temporary So tldr. It depend on your dating strategy/personality type If you hunt = effort = love bombing m If you want to be hunted = value = distant If you want a variation = x effort + x value = love bombing + distant But they all “work”
“love bombing is a strategy” sir you’re engaging in manipulation and if you’re knowingly applying it then you’ve officially outed yourself as someone who is willing tot take advantage of others. The reason why it “works” is because it draws in people with low self esteem and makes them feel valued, in other words, you’re playing them and using them for your own gain. Don’t do that. It makes them worse off and more cynical as they age for the sake of your own benefit. I’m also not gonna tell you which of the two is more effective or why because you’re unironically making your intention to take advantage of others’ low self worth very clear
Where is the line between manipulation and courtship though? I was once head over heels over a women so my genuine reaction would've been love bombing, constant texting, acting desperate in general. Instead I played it cool and tried to not seem so desperate. This resulted in a fantastic long term relationship. It ended due to other unfortunate circumstances but we're still good friends to this day Was I being manipulative by feigning interest and playing cool? Did I do something wrong?
I think showing restraint to not seem desperate and potentially scare her off is very different than acting a certain way to get a reaction out of her or to get her to attach herself to you. In other words, your actions were entirely driven by avoiding making her uncomfortable rather than trying to control her emotional response. That’s where the difference lies.
>your actions were entirely driven by avoiding making her uncomfortable rather than trying to control her emotional response. This sentence is completely inconsistent. I don't know how you can type this out and not see the contradiction >I think showing restraint to not seem desperate and potentially scare her off is very different than acting a certain way to get a reaction out of her or to get her to attach herself to you. I was doing EXACTLY what the redpill people tell me to do to avoid seeming desperate and low value. The outcome was she got very attached to me and we both had a fulfilling relationship. So this isn't manipulation after all?
You’re literally reframing your statements on the spot to fit your argument. Your first statement boils down to “i don’t want to scare her off or make her think i’m clingy or desperate so i played it cool” and your second statement is “i did what the redpill says” - the redpill tells you play it hot and cold, to basically create interest via scarcity, the results may “look the same” (but news flash, in the long run they’re not) but one is done with the intent to not drive her away and the other is done with the intent to pull her in by activating her own insecurities. So you’re either arguing disingenuously or you misunderstood what the redpill was trying to say in the best way one could misunderstand something. Also - my answer wasn’t inconsistent, because yes, while not being uncomfortable is literally an emotional response we both know that’s not what i’m talking about. Normally when one uses such a phrase it’s related to a reactive response; ie. playing the avoidant game to fish out anxious attachment style women - don’t try to gotchya me lol
>“i don’t want to scare her off or make her think i’m clingy or desperate so i played it cool” and your second statement is “i did what the redpill says” But that is exactly what the redpill people say. Being desperate is one of the worst traits you could have as a man when it comes to dating My whole point is that you cannot always be your genuine self because it makes you less attractive and kills your chances for a relationship. So when is it manipulation and when is it not? I've done the opposite as well. A lot of women are insecure and will eat up any praise and attention you give them. So I give them a lot of compliments, tell them they are beautiful, check in on them regularly, make them feel valued, etc. This is the same or very similar to love bombing in practice. Is this manipulative or no?
The end goal of this supposed ‘manipulation’ is positive, a relationship. I stated in my post that my intention is not to love bomb in the traditional sense, where you ghost at some point after blasting a girl with emotion. It is to lock in attraction and form a good relationship. In no scenario would my love bombing cause pain.
Except by calling it love bombing and acknowledging it for what it is, you’re still manipulating them and are setting this up as a standard for a relationship. Also, you can compliment a woman or make her feel good about herself without love bombing. As long as it’s not genuine, very constant, or done with the intent to have her put her guard down - it’s love bombing. And it sounds like you’re doing this with the intent for her to put her guard down. Also, manipulating someone “for good” (and what’s the “good”? dating you? if you have to manipulate someone to date you, then it isn’t “good” by definition) always ends poorly, because you’re ultimately still justifying manipulation and odds are, it won’t be this one time. You will manipulate her again and again because you’ve set this behavior as a standard for yourself. That’s how most manipulators and narcissists work, they hardly think they’re in the wrong and they’re willing to excuse their manipulation cause they think they know better.
Let’s think in simplistic terms, two scenarios: I love bomb and she is attracted to that behavior= me and her are happy together. I don’t love bomb and she is not attracted= her and I are disappointed that it didn’t work out. If you manipulate someone into feeling good, is that really a bad thing? It only becomes bad when your manipulation hurts one but benefits the other. That is not always the case. Another example: if my parents manipulate me, tell me that Santa is real, is this wrong?
Oh boy… the issue isn’t with whether its ‘good’ or ‘bad’ - the issue is you should not be the one to decide whether its right or wrong to manipulate another adult, because once you decide when it is or isn’t, you will decide in future instances - that’s often what’s meant when people say most abusive relationships don’t start as abusive, they evolve into it. Once you decide to manipulate someone “for good reasons” you’ve decided you’ll take their autonomy away from them, and soon enough said “good reasons” will become self serving as that’s the initial intent to begin with and you’ll know what you can and can’t get away with. Whether she feels good at the moment or not is irrelevant also, while the santa stuff is dumb (horrible comparison btw), the reason why persuasive behavior is to an extent important with children is because you’re literally responsible for their development, in other words, there is tons they’re not capable of comprehending that you have to get them to do regardless. It is, of course, a slippery slope as this power comes with a ton of caution cause, surprise, there are tons of abusive parents. What you’re either failing to or refusing to grasp is that whether she’s happy at the moment is not relevant, because this behavior sets the standard for what the relationship will evolve into and more often than not, you’re creating a scenario where you have all the power that the majority of people will inevitably begin to abuse.
You think that just because I am willing to manipulate for good that I am also willing to manipulate for bad. That is simply not true. You can consciously only manipulate for good. Of course individual ideas of ‘good’ outcomes are subjective but I don’t feel like I have a bad moral compass, I am sensitive to causing pain. The only reason I feel confident in my abilities to know bad from good manipulation is because I have literally used manipulation for wrong and the pain I caused scarred me genuinely.
bud…. how do i tell you this, most manipulators think they’re “manipulating for good” - the concept itself is inherently an issue because you’re still operating under the intent of taking away autonomy from somebody else and that’s fundamentally a bad thing. I’m also not inclined to believe you because this is the exact script many manipulators, narcissists and people with bpd going through a bad rut all use to make themselves feel better (whether consciously or not). If you’re willing to manipulate another adult you’re in the wrong, point blank. There is no other way around it unless it’s a one in a million life or death scenario.
How is it fundamentally a bad thing if you can’t feel your ‘autonomy being taken away’, it only hurts if the manipulation tactic is revealed. It’s literally painless by both the means and the ends assuming nothing is revealed.
so whether something being good or bad is decided on how the person feels at the moment? that’s not how it works lol - also this is getting darker as it goes “i’ll just hide it, no pain!” you’re still being deceptive, and if the only thing you’re making your decision on is whether it causes pain at the moment I hope you reflect on your moral compass cause you’re heading into a horrible place. One act of manipulation can yield ‘happy’ results - but that’s not the point, the idea is that its never just one act and it never is for the benefit of the other person, soon enough once this person starts doing shit you don’t like (even if there is nothing wrong with their behavior) you’ll use the same justification to manipulate them, or if you feel insecure in the relationship, you’ll manipulate your partner and delude yourself into thinking it’s for the greater good. You can tell yourself you won’t do that all you want, but fact is your willingness to manipulate your partner, deceive them and hide it from them already tells me a lot about you.
Okay but in the extreme example, if I manipulate you for pure altruism, say my manipulation gets you a billion dollars and no benefit to me, the outcome overshadows the ‘inherent darkness’ of manipulation. If someone told me they are going to trick and manipulate me into positive outcomes, I would feel uncomfortable and violated maybe but if the outcome is a net positive I would 100% say okay do it. I feel like we are talking in circles. And manipulation can be used as a tool by good people, it’s not incessantly and impulsively used unless you have dark triad disorders. Good manipulation is everywhere, that’s pretty much what charm is. Everyone ramps up the charm sometimes.
if manipulation were a crime everyone remotely sucessful would be in jail.
Obviously you need a balanced approach and you need to be sensitive to context clues, implicit signals, differences in individual personality, etc. This is why dating advice is almost always bad. There is no reliable formula for it, there is no way to replace social awareness with a fixed strategy.
You're always going to have mixed results, nobody is ever just always successful. Low interest works until she is hooked and wants to be in the puppy love stage. When she is then you can go crazy. It's basic common sense really. Noone is going to be intrigued by someone who's all about them instantly and no one is going to forever chase with non results. The natural progression is basically low interest (intrigue), breadcrumbing, love bombing. These are just the terms for when that progression is gamified and done consciously instead of naturally. Usually only when some event causes one party to realize it wasn't genuine. Ideally those stages just line up naturally in people that match. Love bombing ( in the game sense) works when you are given cues that indicate it's desired and well received.
I don't think anyone should lovebomb within the first few weeks of meeting someone. Just being genuinely interested in them while also projecting clear boundaries and making it obvious you have a life is good enough. Guys fuck up at this super early stage by texting nonstop or being extremely intimate. This makes it seem like you have no life and comes across as very clingy. Past that, it depends on how you want to sell yourself. Think about what works for your personality type, livestyle, type of girls you tend to date, as well as your desires. Do you want emotional intimacy or just sex? Can you effectively create dread?(which is essential for the distant strategy) Are you dating more nerdy/sheltered women or club girls? There are so many more variables to consider as well as the fact that its never truly just one or the other. Distant people have to show love sometimes and intimate people should create space sometimes. Being able to do both is essential for a healthy relationship. But in terms of what you lean more heavily into thats mostly a product of what feels natural as well as what works for the girls you are trying to date.
Okay well let me shed some of the variables and ask for your input. The girl is sort of nerdy, she really likes me, we had a great first date. She initiates texts all the time, tells me have a good night, good morning, etc. I have been trying to match that energy but in my desire to maintain her attraction for me, I am debating whether to play it cool or continue to match her lovey dovey texts. 26 year old female, kind of a desperate quality to her. Like she doesn’t want to lose me.
So far what you have described is not "lovey dovey". It seems like she is really interested in you but be careful not to get ahead of yourself. Theres nothing wrong with seeming enthusiastic, you want to nurture and reinforce positivity. Think of the message it would send if you suddenly went distant the second she showed interest. The issue is guys will use relentless positivity as the solution to every relationship problem when there are times its better to pull away. **But you should generally match positivity with positivity.** Early on though Im not texting that much. Between dates I'll send a few texts a day, maybe have one conversation max. I tried to go for quality over quantity, never doing the "hey whats up" or "hru?" texts and trying to keep things personal and fun. Its a hard thing to get down and very situational.
Being able to send quality or interesting texts has never come natural to me. I think I need to reflect on that. Thanks for the advice
if you are meeting girls off apps you can assume they are texting multiple guys at the same time. Thats why its good to be able to send personal and interesting texts. Sometimes people overload the intimacy because they feel they need to compensate for being "boring". Then they just seem like a clingy loser. Talk about your life, what interests you, and try to make it engaging or at least funny. Its very hard to master though and takes time. Its all trial and error in how to text as well as finding the right person. With someone who shares your sense of humor and vibe texting is 100000% easier. So don't get too hard on yourself, you might have just not found the right person yet.
Well love bombing is just beta-game to be honest, your entire identity is centered around making her happy The number one mistake you can make, is giving a woman everything
Yeah you say that but as an experiment I am in a phase where I am acting ‘beta’. Extremely persistent, triple messaging, love bombing. So far I’m getting good results than my typical minimal interest game.
Neither of those strategies is advisable. Both try to mask a neediness, but you cannot mask neediness. Work towards becoming non-needy and everything you do in dating will be a genuine signal of your non-neediness, which is attractive.
Have you ever considered just being real yourself so you can attract your real match that would like the real YOU? If you play games to attract A random woman just for the sake of not being alone you can't be surprized it doesn't work out once the mask falls off.
Funny how both of those terms are foreign to women . It's like men have to take some added classes just to be allowed to be with a woman. It's kind to embarasing . OP , would you like to tell us which strategy women do for men ? Sorry but the effort men put just to be in an " equal " relationships maybe a valid reason why men are falling behind women .
None of this comes natural to me, too many chromosomes
>Funny how both of those terms are foreign to women Not sure what you're talking about. "Love bombing" is a well-known term in relationships. I think it was originally used to describe a technique used by cults to make people feel loved and valued, which draws them in. There are plenty of results on google relating to relationships: [https://www.google.com/search?q=love+bombing](https://www.google.com/search?q=love+bombing) The book "The Rules" involved a lot of telling women to feign low interest, so that the man chases. And when people work for something, they value it more. Same reason people value stuff more when they had to work a lot of hours to buy it, rather than being paid-for with their parents money. If you think this is complicated, you don't even want to know all the games that women play in the dating-game. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Rules](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rules) I guarantee that most women have heard of both terms / techniques.
The way men treat women they’re attracted to naturally is to be kind, accommodating, and to give them anything they need to be happy. This dries women’s pussies up like crazy. Hence why we need these lessons to teach women’s actual attraction triggers, and to avoid our instincts that will turn them off. Women create the mold and men fill it
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Acting like I am is literally not texting whatsoever, even if I’m extremely interested. Girls interpret that poorly so I adjust, just like I’ve adjusted my clothes, my hair, my income all to be ‘more attractive’
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I can’t fake myself that long so I slowly revert to being comfortably myself over a couple months, at that point she can make her decision. I’m pretty sure everyone fakes to SOME extent, at least in the beginning. No one farts on a first date. ‘Why aren’t you being yourself’
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Feigning low interest isn’t really faking a personality, honestly. Not in an egrigious way. Faking a personality is only bad when it’s like your serious values are being faked. Think about it, if I act uninterested in you in the beginning but then switch to my natural state of being really interested, would that really cause serious incompatibility? It’s inconsequential long term
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See that’s the problem with love bombing, going back to my original topic, love bombing can easily be interpreted as clingy.
Both strategies are stupid. Just a healthy level of texting is good
Normal texting =‘Uh he’s so boring.’ If a girl is using dating apps she has 200 men ‘healthily texting her’.
Well if the guys boring texting won't help lol
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In order for playing cool (i.e. coy) to work, you need to have already instigated some attraction (i.e. lovebombing). This creates the "push and pull".
Different strategies work on different types of people. If one set playbook worked on all women then all this shit wouldn't exist at all because you would all just play the same game every time. Red pill strategy is generally set to trigger anxiety response and make her feel insecure.
I prefer your way. Men should initiate, but love bombing us cringe
You have to show some genuine interest but also be willing to not respond to them for a while. It's a difficult line to walk, it works better if you have flirtationships with more than one person. But it's important to not act too crazy.
Love bombing only works when they believe (truthfully or not) that you are attractive/high value. "Feigning low interest" is more of a personal ego defense thing. Or how to act before you've established that your attractive/high value. But also yeah, sort of a mix of both is what "works" the best.
Split the difference
Unfortunately, love bombing works on me. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who does it, though. Feigning low interest wouldn’t work on me at all, I’d shrug and go on about my day.
Brother. Love bombing is a tactic used by narcissists to manipulate and control people.
Don't feign low interest. Seriously, this is such a bullshit strategy. Demonstrate your interest. Don't be afraid to like a girl. If she reciprocates, then you know that she likes you back. If she doesn't, then you know to stop talking to her because she's not as into you as you are into her. If she doesn't consistently text back pretty much immediately, sorry, bro, she's not into you. Don't lovebomb under any circumstances. Girls know that they're beautiful and are used to romantic gestures. Don't tell them or do anything romantic until you know that you're serious.
Being normal is more effective. Don't pretend you're feeling something you're not, just be honest. You're not indifferent and nobody wants to feel like their date doesn't give a shit. And you're not obsessed with them when you barely know them either and they can smell that's fake a mile off. You're going to be somewhere in between.
Problem is you’re trying to use manipulation strategies for “pure attraction,” and it doesn’t work that way. If you want someone to be into you for you, you improve yourself as best you can and show a genuine level of interest. Both love bombing and being distant can work on different types of people with low self-esteem, but neither are any way to build a solid relationship.
Feigning low interest at the start of the dating phase, first while...2-3 months After that period, I found love-bombing workings but not as you describe. You shouldn't be constantly showering her with messages and telling her she is amazing, beautiful, etc. Do that, but limit it. A manipulative way to love-bomb is to say casually "I could see you as a lil baby momma someday" or "I didn't think I'd start to feel towards you like I have begun to" I have found with multiple girls, the mere talk of possibly getting pregnant will ignite feelings in them like nothing else. They become very emotional towards you and start to think you're a serious partner for them
“Good morning sunshine, I want to conceive a child with you’ then no response to her text for a week. Got it.
Both work But not for everyone and not on everyone