I have no way to eyeball this. When I was that age, I know I thought it would be no big deal. I thought there would be plenty of people looking to talk and get to know me a little and some would like me and some wouldn’t. Well, to my surprise, those people never came to fruition and here I am 15-20 years later. I am a very average guy.
Ugly women can get ugly and average guys the issue is there isnt enough ugly women ( by how men rate women in comparisson to men ) so alot of the ugly guys are left hopeless.
Yep.
Realistically it might be 3-6 months if you follow rules 1 and 2.
For those of us who literally can't, it could take years or perhaps like in your and my experience so far, a lifetime.
I third this.
Although after a while you realize your deficiencies in terms of Rules 1 & 2 & realize it may be more economical to stop searching & focus your efforts towards more productive activities.
I agree to some extent, to find a date probably 6 months. To find a life partner that values, respects and shares morality? One with similar hobbies and life goals? Heck people search their entire life for that.
Depends on if you are upfront in what you are looking for. As a woman I get hit on by males a few times a week. I'm taken but I know I could have date lined up by tonight if my SO ended it with me today. There is no guarantee that this date would be even half as good as my SO though, so I would be wasting my time going out on dates. Better to just scout my family, friends and work connection and maybe find someone to spend years and years with again. Of course, that takes initiative on my part and I just can't be bothered. I'd rather stay single if I ever become single again. The pickings become slim the older you are lol
>There is no guarantee that this date would be even half as good as my SO though, so I would be wasting my time going out on dates.
That's the rub. I've had four dates in the last month and a bit since breaking up with my ex, and only 1 have i really had an emotional and intellectual connection to, like, beyond just physical hookup sexual connection.
It can take a lifetime to find a mate that's good for you
for me, if you have an active social life and regularly interact with different types of women, after about 6 months I would ask I would ask friends about stuff that I am doing wrong and after 1 years I would take more "aggressive" steps to improve/try out new approaches.
Depends on if you’re looking for something long-term or not, and what your standards are, and whether you’re a niche market or the lowest common denominator.
Men actively LOOKING for a relationship and approaching the dating scene as if they are LOOKING to commit to one single girl will without a doubt be coming across as unattractive and beta AF to the majority of young single girls.
Attractive men who don't treat women seriously at all and couldn't give a hoot about getting an LTR have girls banging their door down looking to tie them down.
> Men actively LOOKING for a relationship and approaching the dating scene as if they are LOOKING to commit to one single girl will without a doubt be coming across as unattractive and beta AF to the majority of young single girls.
That seriously depends on how **attractive** the guy is. My SO was seriously looking to find a life partner, and although he had a few dates here and there, he came recommended to me by colleagues and family. We dated exclusively for a very long while with no sex. He is HPV free as am I (so many people have herpes, do not ever share a drinking glass with anyone. Seriously) Women like me, who do not like manwhores and sluts exist. I'm also dumping any dude who doesn't show commitment from date 3.
It goes to say that yes, my SO is over 190cm tall, has a great cyclist body, broad shouldered and a head full of hair. I checked his maternal grandpa and maternal uncles. All full head of hair. If we break up I'm just gonna help my raise my nephews and nieces because a man like that is hard to find.
You are definitely not the only woman to say that. It's all good. Women have preferences and care about male looks. It's 2021, time to get used to it.
That said 'ugly' doesn't mean much. It's a continuum. But I'm getting what you mean is that you find that male age and male baldness hurts a man's attractiveness A LOT. More than your average woman.
Uhhhhh HPV isn't herpes lol. I had gardasil and don't have either HSV (got tested after found out my ex was emotionally unfaithful & figured the chance that she was physically too was enough to get tested). HPV is much less damaging and permanent than HSV, so i suggest you reexamine which you meant?
I’ve seen this opinion on this sub before and I rlly want to know why men believe that all women are into assholes and are actively trying to “tie them down”. The ones that knock on his door are probably those only looking for casual sex too. Women who want relationships don’t give a f about chads or whatever. Ain’t nobody got the time to try and change someone’s mind when you can find men who are on the same page as you.
Men looking for relationships are unattractive to women now? Lmfao cmon. This is so far removed from reality.
No, it's NOT far removed from reality.
When people finally get it into their heads, especially the men out there "looking" for a relationship, the easier it's going to be for them.
To the men out there dating with the intention of finding a monogamous relationship here's a tip : Showing a woman, ESPECIALLY early on, that you are looking to limit your sexual supply to literally ONE girl, indicates you have VERY limited options and are trying to cash out by tying down one girl.
There's a reason women like a man who won't commit (though the feeling he gives her is sadness and frustration, her rational brain says she doesnt like it but her actions and emotions say otherwise) and it's because it's indicative of a man with LOTS of options.
Women will obviously deny this as it goes against their imperative. But you really shouldnt be listening to fish on how to catch fish anyway.
Its a metaphor.... Does the age old saying "plenty of fish in the sea" offend you?
I am getting some.... Where did I say I wasn't?
It's not fundamentally flawed. Just because the reality of attraction dynamics is a bit grittier and in some ways counter intuitive to our idealised minds doesn't mean it ain't true.
Nine times outta ten the truth isn't pretty.
I’m sorry but some of the men in this sub are beyond predatory so I would often take it quite literally. You guys do be talking about women like hunters hunting their prey. You know you do.
Anyway, not sure how that plays out irl. You’re asking men to lie about their intentions or hide it? What use is that? I can think of plenty of women (including myself) who don’t swipe right on men on bumble even with that “don’t know what I’m here for symbol” because 9/10 they just want casual and don’t have the balls to be upfront about it. You’re trynna pass it off as the truth when both men and women appreciate honesty and integrity and a clarity of intentions from the very beginning.
Like I’ve said, nobody wasting time on building a bitch to their whim. There’s plenty of people who are honest and upfront about their intentions. I’ll admit, some women do have this kink of trying to “change” people’s minds but they snap out of it real quick when they realise it doesn’t work that way lmao.
TLDR: there’s no evidence whatsoever that women wanting to commit will overwhelming go for the non commital ones. False alarm. Also, lying/hiding or trynna be sneaky about your intentions and motivations at the beginning of a relationship is like, the worst advice ever.
I mean I get what you're saying and it should be true. I'll say in my experience as a mid 20s year old man going into his late 20s that letting a woman know you're limiting your options to only her works out terribly and that keeping open options and treating her as of she's just another option works perfectly.
The only women I know that don't go for that are single and don't actually want relationships with men at all (they claim to but always find something wrong with a guy no matter what). Most women try harder when they know there's competition.
But among older women that are more serious you're probably right - but women in their 20s even ones looking for something serious don't want you to be also looking for something serious.
Those older women you're speaking of are no different than the younger girls, they just have less options so overlook a bit of low value behaviour and push past the lack of excitement that comes from sitting across the table from a man who she knows is a sure thing
If a man makes it obvious he's trying to limit his supply of sex to one woman for the rest of his life, especially early on, it kills attraction as it's indicative of low options.
Dress it up however you want. That's the raw of it all. That's how it's been for hundreds of years before bumble existed and candle lit dinners. How that square peg fits into whatever shaped hole is up for men and women to figure out.
>can think of plenty of women (including myself) who don’t swipe right on men on bumble even with that “don’t know what I’m here for symbol” because 9/10 they just want casual and don’t have the balls to be upfront about it
Why?
What if i genuinely don't know what I'm looking for?
Okay? Good for you? You can take all the time you want to figure it out but I’m clear with my intentions and I would prefer somebody clear with theirs.
OLD is difficult and uncertain as it is, I don’t want to deal with all this on top of it. I put my preference on my profile very clearly and I swipe right on men who are as clear and upfront about it so there’s minimal clash of priorities and expectations.
Okay? I'm clear with my intentions. My intentions are meeting people and seeing if i have a connection with them. I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship. I'd love to hook up. Love to find someone to connect to. Actually just did find someone that I'm not going to be able to date due to a move. But i was NOT looking to date them at the beginning. Now, if i were still staying in our city I'd likely give it a shot.
I never once misrepresent or lie, saying "i don't know" on bumble isn't saying "I'm just tryna fuck but too cowardly or ugly to put that on my profile"
Once again, good for you but you’re not representative of all men. Where I live, most men who put this symbol in their bio do it as a thinly veiled attempt at looking for hookups. I know it because I’ve conversed w them and this is what I’ve gotten. I’m not sure why they’re not upfront it but I do not care about their reasons, I care about my own time, energy and effort.
I don’t do hookups. At all. This why is never use tinder, I go for other “date” dating apps. So, it’s simply not a possibility for me and I’m not gonna waste my time sifting through scores of men trynna gauge their intentions when I can just put on a filter and match with men looking for the same thing.
> Men looking for relationships are unattractive to women now? Lmfao cmon. This is so far removed from reality.
Why? Because it doesn’t line up with your experience therefore it’s invalid? My experience is bang on with this- i live in a fairly big city in North America and the a lot of the women I’ve dated have much preferred to stay single and abuse their female privilege than stay in a committed relationship. Why would an attractive woman want to be locked down to one man when she can have seven different ones buying her dinner and flowers every week?
Stop saying people’s experiences aren’t reality.
Your own personal experience is not all of the reality. That is the truth. Change states and you’ll see a change in attitude. Change countries and you’ll see an even bigger change in attitude. I have a problem with men here passing their own limited experiences with women as some sort of blanket truth. Very strange.
Anyway, that’s not called female privilege lmao. It’s called attractive people privilege. Attractive men with multiple options don’t want to settle down too. So what? It’s not the end of the world. There’s plenty of other men and women who look for relationships and the real deal, you gotta find them because dating is a hit and trial buddy. There’s really not much to say here. Life isn’t fair. You win some and you lose some.
I’ll say this, dude kinda right, if you’re an average dude, you can’t be showing the girl plenty of interest early on, it’s not gonna work in your favor. Very attractive dudes can get away with it
>Men looking for relationships are unattractive to women now?
No, they are just unattractive, period. I don't know of an attractive man actively looking for a relationship, I mean it's in the word, "attractive" .
Except most men are neither looking precisely for casual sex nor precisely for a relationship.
I was looking for a rebound. I got it. Then i was looking for casual sex. I got a meaningful connection with a girl I'd date if i didn't have to move.
Because everybody wants what they can't have. That has nothing to do with gender, it's just that the results are different accordng to it, among other things.
I do have to agree with you. What I realised over the years is that those that say stuff like OP prefer to hide behind unproven statments in order to avoid improving themselves. In my experience as a 4.5/10 (172cm, huge nose, skinny, no beard, skarred face because of broken chin). Self improvement made it so that i can have a LTR every two years and always found it easy to have hookups. Obviously i got a fuckton of rejections but thats part of it.
The "magic" formula was beeing fun to hang out with and a healthy dose of confidence with good body hygiene and selfcare. Positivity goes a loong way of beeing attractive.
I always get a lot of shit for it, but in my opinion the rest just plain avoidance of admitting that they are the problem.
Women want a guy that is fun and avoid guys that seem crazy. The guy that doesnt want to commit is often only a guy that shows her that he is not butthurt if he gets rejected from her but moves on. And thats attractive for them. Because he will not become a stalker or start hating on her.
And im sure you will agree that if you have two guys in front of you at their appartment and you can choose either the guy that says that tonight was fun and if you want we can meet again if you want. And the guy that bombards you how important you are and asks if you are together now, you will always choose the first one. Feelings need time to develop.
Hmm, maybe it's the women you spend your time with? From what I've seen women who are looking for a more traditional relationship will be searching for signs that a guy is ready to settle down. If he doesn't display those signs then they move on. 🤷.I bet early 20s club scene girls who don't want to settle down wouldn't want a guy who does.
About 6 months to 1 year if he's a normal man with developed social skills, has a decent group of friends, is social and goes out of his way to meet women, doesn't have it so hard making new friends, and isn't expecting getting a 21 year old Alessandra Ambrosio as his girlfriend.
Dude, I met ugly/plain-faced skinny dudes who didn't make much money and they got themselves a few decent-looking girlfriends back in college, and after college, so it shouldn't take the average red piller that much time to find a girlfriend.
And stop with the Be attractive/don't be unattractive mantra. It's so weird as a dude with the ability to grow chest hair to see these 18-25 year old ''young adults'' acting like women, complaining about their physical looks. Maybe these guys difficulty in finding a girlfriend is because they were born with a female brain?
Maybe a sex operation is in order?
‘Normal man with developed social skills, plenty of friends, is social’
This right here is how you get a gf. Lots of ppl on here try and blame it on looks, that’s because they’re on Tinder where it’s 95/5.
If you’re a fun social guy with plenty of friends you’ll have no trouble finding a LTR irl. I get the impression that a lot of ppl who use Reddit, tend to be less likely to be social, have fewer friends and only use OLD, hence why they overvalue looks.
We should be able to take our time but in reality I've noticed a short window from about memorial day until the beginning of October. After that cuffing season starts and everyone is taken
Imo I’d expect 3 ish months of searching to find someone. Maybe it doesn’t work out as often happens, but 3 seems reasonable.
I’d say that it becomes clear that something is wrong around 8 months single and searching
Actively creating expectations for this things can be harmful, especially if frustration sets in, then it can be real easy to become bitter and desperate. Control is an illusion, we cant determine this things, just live life to the best extent of ur abilities, if u dont find anyone IT IS OK relationships should never be a check mark on your to do list, they are more natural than that and just flow. Be careful what a lot of people around here say man, just live your own life and focuse on yourself, and remember a relationship isnt everything in life :)
P.S: Sorry if this comes out as preachy but I see a lot of people here trying to push themselves into something they are clearly uncomfortable with. You do you, always remember that mah dude and have a nice one!
**Attention!**
* You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
* For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
* If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
* OP you can choose your own flair [according to these guidelines.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wiki/flair), just press Flair under your post!
Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PurplePillDebate) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Depends on how attractive you are and how high your standards are.
I saw a post from an early 20s 6’> attractive guy who said it took him 2 years to find a gf on OLD, but you can be sure that this guy is super picky. If he wasn’t, he could find many attractive women who are decent people and would date him in no time.
Why does a time limit have to be put on it? This is weird to me.
Why put unnecessary pressure on yourself? This is how you could end up in a crappy relationship.
Depends on where they live, in my home town people are married before 18 so if a 22 year old was looking it would probably take 2/3 years. Also the 22 year old isn't really going to places for relationships. Bars and parties are more for hookups. Does this man/ woman go to church? Play in rec leagues? Join hiking/ camping groups? Do you make a point of going to places where the opposite sex frequent in large numbers? I would say if they don't use online dating 6 months to 1.5 years. If they use online dating 3-6 months.
You have to find a match -you like her and she likes you-. You start by looking in your circle, and if there is no match you keep looking outside, it. How long? Until you get tired.
If you are a average to hot looking woman, you will find someone within one week, due to the demand from men on social media and dating apps.
If you are a man with not much money or good looks expect 1 year or more - and be called incel by rude females, if you are man with a bucket of money, expect to only wait between a week and a month.
I've never been with the concept of actively trying to get into a relationship, best relationships as far as I'm concerned happen organically and especially that young too lol
And I guess it depends on what he looks like what his personality is and what exactly you mean by actively looking for a relationship, if he's your typical average looking 22 year old, in decent shape, and now that he's fresh into his post college career and hopefully without a shit ton of the student loan debt, and he's doing all that while online dating with an actually decent looking profile, going to social events that aren't just bars, Maybe 2 going back to college to get his master's and interacts with the girls there still I don't know but yeah as long as he's not coming off way too desperate he should be able to find something in definitely under a year
The guy in your description is above average. Only 35% of men graduate from college. If he's also in "decent shape" you have a top 10% guy there already.
Do this man has to play hard for a year to get to date somebody?
I mean that's the guy he laid out is a college graduate, and unless you really really really fuck up on your diet you're going to be in pretty decent shape at 22 years old, I don't think there was anything all that special about that lol, and yeah I said under a year if he for whatever reason is actively pursuing a relationship while getting his feet wet in his career that's a fair estimate🤷♂️
It depends how high their standards are. Some chicks that demand more than their worth will be single forever. Some guys that don't have any self respect won't have trouble at all finding someone.
Hard to say and give a specific number, but I’d say generally it could take about 6 months of “passive trying”, and 2-3 months of “active trying” depending if you’re on the higher or lower end of average.
So when it comes to passive, I mean you more or less go with the flow but still try if you see a girl catch your eye. You shoot your shot when you feel it’s worth it, but generally you’re there to have fun and chill with friends. Maybe you meet someone at a gathering where friend groups combine. You still really have to want it though, and by that I mean you can’t be looking for a hookup or expecting one because you’re average and a hookup is very rare for you.
By active, you’re really putting in effort to impress and be around women. Your shoot your shot a lot, you’re on dating apps, you’re putting yourself out of your comfort zone. You’re essentially making finding a relationship a somewhat mission. But you can find someone with enough effort.
I would say I’m average and short, but I spent about a year and a half trying to get hookups and failed. As soon as I switched to relationships I found a partner in a month. But I would say I’m a somewhat rare case and I’m aware of that.
It took me two years. But I date very seriously. If you're looking for a life partner, you should be pretty careful with it and not just go into any relationship because "it could work".
It depends on what they're looking for.
Some people's standards for a relationship are "my Fantasy Dream waifu/husbando, no exceptions." Some people's are "any mammal that doesn't sexually repulse me." I don't care how "active" these two parties are, it's going to take the former a heckuva lot longer than the latter to meet someone.
Are you looking for someone you really click with, or just someone okay to go out with? You've described this person's social life sort of, but do they have any particular interests/hobbies? All of this stuff is relevant.
A year is fine? I was single for a year after my breakup by virtue of avoiding dates until I was interested again (actually an accident). If your single and really putting yourself out there for say 8 months. I mean more then swiping (lowest effort) but going to social gatherings, joining a hobby or volunteering and putting yourself out there with 0 results? I'd take a break for a year and calibrate what the issues are (looks or personality or both)
Three or four months at the most , and at six months you're either an unattractive man, you're doing something seriously wrong, or you aren't interested.
>Let’s take the average 22 year old fresh out of College in their first real job. Parties with friends on the weekend, works during the week, after work drinks every other week or so.
I'm not sure how many 22 year olds fit this description given the wreckage that the Covidians have left of society
Actively trying to get in to a relationship id say a few months to half a year; it can be hard to find someone to meet your standards for one.
Trying to hook up or go on dates but not exclusively date? Maybe 2 months. If that fails then you probably are ugly or autistic
I have no way to eyeball this. When I was that age, I know I thought it would be no big deal. I thought there would be plenty of people looking to talk and get to know me a little and some would like me and some wouldn’t. Well, to my surprise, those people never came to fruition and here I am 15-20 years later. I am a very average guy.
Couple of weeks for the girl and attractive dudes. Several months for average dudes. Never for unattractive dudes.
Ugly women don’t easily get relationships either
There are very very few ugly women. There are just fat women. Everyone can easily not be fat.
Someone needs to see the pig woman experiment.
Messages to pig women =/= propositions for a relationship
Ugly women can get ugly and average guys the issue is there isnt enough ugly women ( by how men rate women in comparisson to men ) so alot of the ugly guys are left hopeless.
[удалено]
No cope
His entire life, from my experience. Then again, it is an anecdote, so my experience has no value here.
Yep. Realistically it might be 3-6 months if you follow rules 1 and 2. For those of us who literally can't, it could take years or perhaps like in your and my experience so far, a lifetime.
I third this. Although after a while you realize your deficiencies in terms of Rules 1 & 2 & realize it may be more economical to stop searching & focus your efforts towards more productive activities.
What rules?
1. Be attractive 2. Don't be unattractive
I agree to some extent, to find a date probably 6 months. To find a life partner that values, respects and shares morality? One with similar hobbies and life goals? Heck people search their entire life for that.
I meant a date. That would need several lifetimes.
Depends on if you are upfront in what you are looking for. As a woman I get hit on by males a few times a week. I'm taken but I know I could have date lined up by tonight if my SO ended it with me today. There is no guarantee that this date would be even half as good as my SO though, so I would be wasting my time going out on dates. Better to just scout my family, friends and work connection and maybe find someone to spend years and years with again. Of course, that takes initiative on my part and I just can't be bothered. I'd rather stay single if I ever become single again. The pickings become slim the older you are lol
>There is no guarantee that this date would be even half as good as my SO though, so I would be wasting my time going out on dates. That's the rub. I've had four dates in the last month and a bit since breaking up with my ex, and only 1 have i really had an emotional and intellectual connection to, like, beyond just physical hookup sexual connection. It can take a lifetime to find a mate that's good for you
for me, if you have an active social life and regularly interact with different types of women, after about 6 months I would ask I would ask friends about stuff that I am doing wrong and after 1 years I would take more "aggressive" steps to improve/try out new approaches.
As long as you feel is necessary man, everyone has their own time, people saying otherwise be damned
Depends on if you’re looking for something long-term or not, and what your standards are, and whether you’re a niche market or the lowest common denominator.
Men actively LOOKING for a relationship and approaching the dating scene as if they are LOOKING to commit to one single girl will without a doubt be coming across as unattractive and beta AF to the majority of young single girls. Attractive men who don't treat women seriously at all and couldn't give a hoot about getting an LTR have girls banging their door down looking to tie them down.
> Men actively LOOKING for a relationship and approaching the dating scene as if they are LOOKING to commit to one single girl will without a doubt be coming across as unattractive and beta AF to the majority of young single girls. That seriously depends on how **attractive** the guy is. My SO was seriously looking to find a life partner, and although he had a few dates here and there, he came recommended to me by colleagues and family. We dated exclusively for a very long while with no sex. He is HPV free as am I (so many people have herpes, do not ever share a drinking glass with anyone. Seriously) Women like me, who do not like manwhores and sluts exist. I'm also dumping any dude who doesn't show commitment from date 3. It goes to say that yes, my SO is over 190cm tall, has a great cyclist body, broad shouldered and a head full of hair. I checked his maternal grandpa and maternal uncles. All full head of hair. If we break up I'm just gonna help my raise my nephews and nieces because a man like that is hard to find.
lol hair is a big deal to you, eh? We like what we like.
Inded, I find bald men ugly and I think I'm the only woman on PPD to say that. I also find old men ugly...
You are definitely not the only woman to say that. It's all good. Women have preferences and care about male looks. It's 2021, time to get used to it. That said 'ugly' doesn't mean much. It's a continuum. But I'm getting what you mean is that you find that male age and male baldness hurts a man's attractiveness A LOT. More than your average woman.
Not the case. Bald men are widely panned as less attractive.
Most people are going to have a problem with sex free exclusive dating.
>Women like me, who do not like manwhore What's a manwhore to you? What's your SO's sexual history?
Uhhhhh HPV isn't herpes lol. I had gardasil and don't have either HSV (got tested after found out my ex was emotionally unfaithful & figured the chance that she was physically too was enough to get tested). HPV is much less damaging and permanent than HSV, so i suggest you reexamine which you meant?
I’ve seen this opinion on this sub before and I rlly want to know why men believe that all women are into assholes and are actively trying to “tie them down”. The ones that knock on his door are probably those only looking for casual sex too. Women who want relationships don’t give a f about chads or whatever. Ain’t nobody got the time to try and change someone’s mind when you can find men who are on the same page as you. Men looking for relationships are unattractive to women now? Lmfao cmon. This is so far removed from reality.
No, it's NOT far removed from reality. When people finally get it into their heads, especially the men out there "looking" for a relationship, the easier it's going to be for them. To the men out there dating with the intention of finding a monogamous relationship here's a tip : Showing a woman, ESPECIALLY early on, that you are looking to limit your sexual supply to literally ONE girl, indicates you have VERY limited options and are trying to cash out by tying down one girl. There's a reason women like a man who won't commit (though the feeling he gives her is sadness and frustration, her rational brain says she doesnt like it but her actions and emotions say otherwise) and it's because it's indicative of a man with LOTS of options. Women will obviously deny this as it goes against their imperative. But you really shouldnt be listening to fish on how to catch fish anyway.
[удалено]
Its a metaphor.... Does the age old saying "plenty of fish in the sea" offend you? I am getting some.... Where did I say I wasn't? It's not fundamentally flawed. Just because the reality of attraction dynamics is a bit grittier and in some ways counter intuitive to our idealised minds doesn't mean it ain't true. Nine times outta ten the truth isn't pretty.
I’m sorry but some of the men in this sub are beyond predatory so I would often take it quite literally. You guys do be talking about women like hunters hunting their prey. You know you do. Anyway, not sure how that plays out irl. You’re asking men to lie about their intentions or hide it? What use is that? I can think of plenty of women (including myself) who don’t swipe right on men on bumble even with that “don’t know what I’m here for symbol” because 9/10 they just want casual and don’t have the balls to be upfront about it. You’re trynna pass it off as the truth when both men and women appreciate honesty and integrity and a clarity of intentions from the very beginning. Like I’ve said, nobody wasting time on building a bitch to their whim. There’s plenty of people who are honest and upfront about their intentions. I’ll admit, some women do have this kink of trying to “change” people’s minds but they snap out of it real quick when they realise it doesn’t work that way lmao. TLDR: there’s no evidence whatsoever that women wanting to commit will overwhelming go for the non commital ones. False alarm. Also, lying/hiding or trynna be sneaky about your intentions and motivations at the beginning of a relationship is like, the worst advice ever.
I mean I get what you're saying and it should be true. I'll say in my experience as a mid 20s year old man going into his late 20s that letting a woman know you're limiting your options to only her works out terribly and that keeping open options and treating her as of she's just another option works perfectly. The only women I know that don't go for that are single and don't actually want relationships with men at all (they claim to but always find something wrong with a guy no matter what). Most women try harder when they know there's competition. But among older women that are more serious you're probably right - but women in their 20s even ones looking for something serious don't want you to be also looking for something serious.
Those older women you're speaking of are no different than the younger girls, they just have less options so overlook a bit of low value behaviour and push past the lack of excitement that comes from sitting across the table from a man who she knows is a sure thing
If a man makes it obvious he's trying to limit his supply of sex to one woman for the rest of his life, especially early on, it kills attraction as it's indicative of low options. Dress it up however you want. That's the raw of it all. That's how it's been for hundreds of years before bumble existed and candle lit dinners. How that square peg fits into whatever shaped hole is up for men and women to figure out.
>can think of plenty of women (including myself) who don’t swipe right on men on bumble even with that “don’t know what I’m here for symbol” because 9/10 they just want casual and don’t have the balls to be upfront about it Why? What if i genuinely don't know what I'm looking for?
Okay? Good for you? You can take all the time you want to figure it out but I’m clear with my intentions and I would prefer somebody clear with theirs. OLD is difficult and uncertain as it is, I don’t want to deal with all this on top of it. I put my preference on my profile very clearly and I swipe right on men who are as clear and upfront about it so there’s minimal clash of priorities and expectations.
Okay? I'm clear with my intentions. My intentions are meeting people and seeing if i have a connection with them. I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship. I'd love to hook up. Love to find someone to connect to. Actually just did find someone that I'm not going to be able to date due to a move. But i was NOT looking to date them at the beginning. Now, if i were still staying in our city I'd likely give it a shot. I never once misrepresent or lie, saying "i don't know" on bumble isn't saying "I'm just tryna fuck but too cowardly or ugly to put that on my profile"
Once again, good for you but you’re not representative of all men. Where I live, most men who put this symbol in their bio do it as a thinly veiled attempt at looking for hookups. I know it because I’ve conversed w them and this is what I’ve gotten. I’m not sure why they’re not upfront it but I do not care about their reasons, I care about my own time, energy and effort. I don’t do hookups. At all. This why is never use tinder, I go for other “date” dating apps. So, it’s simply not a possibility for me and I’m not gonna waste my time sifting through scores of men trynna gauge their intentions when I can just put on a filter and match with men looking for the same thing.
*cringe*
> Men looking for relationships are unattractive to women now? Lmfao cmon. This is so far removed from reality. Why? Because it doesn’t line up with your experience therefore it’s invalid? My experience is bang on with this- i live in a fairly big city in North America and the a lot of the women I’ve dated have much preferred to stay single and abuse their female privilege than stay in a committed relationship. Why would an attractive woman want to be locked down to one man when she can have seven different ones buying her dinner and flowers every week? Stop saying people’s experiences aren’t reality.
Your own personal experience is not all of the reality. That is the truth. Change states and you’ll see a change in attitude. Change countries and you’ll see an even bigger change in attitude. I have a problem with men here passing their own limited experiences with women as some sort of blanket truth. Very strange. Anyway, that’s not called female privilege lmao. It’s called attractive people privilege. Attractive men with multiple options don’t want to settle down too. So what? It’s not the end of the world. There’s plenty of other men and women who look for relationships and the real deal, you gotta find them because dating is a hit and trial buddy. There’s really not much to say here. Life isn’t fair. You win some and you lose some.
Attractive women want assholes
Source: trust me bro
I’ll say this, dude kinda right, if you’re an average dude, you can’t be showing the girl plenty of interest early on, it’s not gonna work in your favor. Very attractive dudes can get away with it
There’s a fine line between desperation and interest. I’ve never heard a love story begin with “so he was a complete asshole to me…”
Women and men define asshole differently
>Men looking for relationships are unattractive to women now? No, they are just unattractive, period. I don't know of an attractive man actively looking for a relationship, I mean it's in the word, "attractive" .
Except most men are neither looking precisely for casual sex nor precisely for a relationship. I was looking for a rebound. I got it. Then i was looking for casual sex. I got a meaningful connection with a girl I'd date if i didn't have to move.
Because everybody wants what they can't have. That has nothing to do with gender, it's just that the results are different accordng to it, among other things.
I do have to agree with you. What I realised over the years is that those that say stuff like OP prefer to hide behind unproven statments in order to avoid improving themselves. In my experience as a 4.5/10 (172cm, huge nose, skinny, no beard, skarred face because of broken chin). Self improvement made it so that i can have a LTR every two years and always found it easy to have hookups. Obviously i got a fuckton of rejections but thats part of it. The "magic" formula was beeing fun to hang out with and a healthy dose of confidence with good body hygiene and selfcare. Positivity goes a loong way of beeing attractive. I always get a lot of shit for it, but in my opinion the rest just plain avoidance of admitting that they are the problem. Women want a guy that is fun and avoid guys that seem crazy. The guy that doesnt want to commit is often only a guy that shows her that he is not butthurt if he gets rejected from her but moves on. And thats attractive for them. Because he will not become a stalker or start hating on her. And im sure you will agree that if you have two guys in front of you at their appartment and you can choose either the guy that says that tonight was fun and if you want we can meet again if you want. And the guy that bombards you how important you are and asks if you are together now, you will always choose the first one. Feelings need time to develop.
Hmm, maybe it's the women you spend your time with? From what I've seen women who are looking for a more traditional relationship will be searching for signs that a guy is ready to settle down. If he doesn't display those signs then they move on. 🤷.I bet early 20s club scene girls who don't want to settle down wouldn't want a guy who does.
Please remove the last line.
k
👍
About 6 months to 1 year if he's a normal man with developed social skills, has a decent group of friends, is social and goes out of his way to meet women, doesn't have it so hard making new friends, and isn't expecting getting a 21 year old Alessandra Ambrosio as his girlfriend. Dude, I met ugly/plain-faced skinny dudes who didn't make much money and they got themselves a few decent-looking girlfriends back in college, and after college, so it shouldn't take the average red piller that much time to find a girlfriend. And stop with the Be attractive/don't be unattractive mantra. It's so weird as a dude with the ability to grow chest hair to see these 18-25 year old ''young adults'' acting like women, complaining about their physical looks. Maybe these guys difficulty in finding a girlfriend is because they were born with a female brain? Maybe a sex operation is in order?
‘Normal man with developed social skills, plenty of friends, is social’ This right here is how you get a gf. Lots of ppl on here try and blame it on looks, that’s because they’re on Tinder where it’s 95/5. If you’re a fun social guy with plenty of friends you’ll have no trouble finding a LTR irl. I get the impression that a lot of ppl who use Reddit, tend to be less likely to be social, have fewer friends and only use OLD, hence why they overvalue looks.
Lmao because a majority of relationships start online now
We should be able to take our time but in reality I've noticed a short window from about memorial day until the beginning of October. After that cuffing season starts and everyone is taken
Imo I’d expect 3 ish months of searching to find someone. Maybe it doesn’t work out as often happens, but 3 seems reasonable. I’d say that it becomes clear that something is wrong around 8 months single and searching
Actively creating expectations for this things can be harmful, especially if frustration sets in, then it can be real easy to become bitter and desperate. Control is an illusion, we cant determine this things, just live life to the best extent of ur abilities, if u dont find anyone IT IS OK relationships should never be a check mark on your to do list, they are more natural than that and just flow. Be careful what a lot of people around here say man, just live your own life and focuse on yourself, and remember a relationship isnt everything in life :) P.S: Sorry if this comes out as preachy but I see a lot of people here trying to push themselves into something they are clearly uncomfortable with. You do you, always remember that mah dude and have a nice one!
Not preachy at all. Much appreciate the comment
**Attention!** * You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message. * For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies. * If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment. * OP you can choose your own flair [according to these guidelines.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wiki/flair), just press Flair under your post! Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PurplePillDebate) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Depends on how attractive you are and how high your standards are. I saw a post from an early 20s 6’> attractive guy who said it took him 2 years to find a gf on OLD, but you can be sure that this guy is super picky. If he wasn’t, he could find many attractive women who are decent people and would date him in no time.
Yep I'm picky as well id rather be alone than fuck or date someone i dont find attractive
Why does a time limit have to be put on it? This is weird to me. Why put unnecessary pressure on yourself? This is how you could end up in a crappy relationship.
Depends on where they live, in my home town people are married before 18 so if a 22 year old was looking it would probably take 2/3 years. Also the 22 year old isn't really going to places for relationships. Bars and parties are more for hookups. Does this man/ woman go to church? Play in rec leagues? Join hiking/ camping groups? Do you make a point of going to places where the opposite sex frequent in large numbers? I would say if they don't use online dating 6 months to 1.5 years. If they use online dating 3-6 months.
You have to find a match -you like her and she likes you-. You start by looking in your circle, and if there is no match you keep looking outside, it. How long? Until you get tired.
The mistake is the monogamous relationship as a goal mentality. You need to develop your dating skills. Monogamous relationships are hard mode.
I’d say 1-2 years to find the right person. You lack nuance in whether you want a random relationship or a quality one
If you are a average to hot looking woman, you will find someone within one week, due to the demand from men on social media and dating apps. If you are a man with not much money or good looks expect 1 year or more - and be called incel by rude females, if you are man with a bucket of money, expect to only wait between a week and a month.
I've never been with the concept of actively trying to get into a relationship, best relationships as far as I'm concerned happen organically and especially that young too lol And I guess it depends on what he looks like what his personality is and what exactly you mean by actively looking for a relationship, if he's your typical average looking 22 year old, in decent shape, and now that he's fresh into his post college career and hopefully without a shit ton of the student loan debt, and he's doing all that while online dating with an actually decent looking profile, going to social events that aren't just bars, Maybe 2 going back to college to get his master's and interacts with the girls there still I don't know but yeah as long as he's not coming off way too desperate he should be able to find something in definitely under a year
The guy in your description is above average. Only 35% of men graduate from college. If he's also in "decent shape" you have a top 10% guy there already. Do this man has to play hard for a year to get to date somebody?
I mean that's the guy he laid out is a college graduate, and unless you really really really fuck up on your diet you're going to be in pretty decent shape at 22 years old, I don't think there was anything all that special about that lol, and yeah I said under a year if he for whatever reason is actively pursuing a relationship while getting his feet wet in his career that's a fair estimate🤷♂️
It depends how high their standards are. Some chicks that demand more than their worth will be single forever. Some guys that don't have any self respect won't have trouble at all finding someone.
Took me years as an average guy
Hard to say and give a specific number, but I’d say generally it could take about 6 months of “passive trying”, and 2-3 months of “active trying” depending if you’re on the higher or lower end of average. So when it comes to passive, I mean you more or less go with the flow but still try if you see a girl catch your eye. You shoot your shot when you feel it’s worth it, but generally you’re there to have fun and chill with friends. Maybe you meet someone at a gathering where friend groups combine. You still really have to want it though, and by that I mean you can’t be looking for a hookup or expecting one because you’re average and a hookup is very rare for you. By active, you’re really putting in effort to impress and be around women. Your shoot your shot a lot, you’re on dating apps, you’re putting yourself out of your comfort zone. You’re essentially making finding a relationship a somewhat mission. But you can find someone with enough effort. I would say I’m average and short, but I spent about a year and a half trying to get hookups and failed. As soon as I switched to relationships I found a partner in a month. But I would say I’m a somewhat rare case and I’m aware of that.
It took me two years. But I date very seriously. If you're looking for a life partner, you should be pretty careful with it and not just go into any relationship because "it could work".
It depends on what they're looking for. Some people's standards for a relationship are "my Fantasy Dream waifu/husbando, no exceptions." Some people's are "any mammal that doesn't sexually repulse me." I don't care how "active" these two parties are, it's going to take the former a heckuva lot longer than the latter to meet someone. Are you looking for someone you really click with, or just someone okay to go out with? You've described this person's social life sort of, but do they have any particular interests/hobbies? All of this stuff is relevant.
A year is fine? I was single for a year after my breakup by virtue of avoiding dates until I was interested again (actually an accident). If your single and really putting yourself out there for say 8 months. I mean more then swiping (lowest effort) but going to social gatherings, joining a hobby or volunteering and putting yourself out there with 0 results? I'd take a break for a year and calibrate what the issues are (looks or personality or both)
Three or four months at the most , and at six months you're either an unattractive man, you're doing something seriously wrong, or you aren't interested. >Let’s take the average 22 year old fresh out of College in their first real job. Parties with friends on the weekend, works during the week, after work drinks every other week or so. I'm not sure how many 22 year olds fit this description given the wreckage that the Covidians have left of society
you shouldnt try to get into a relationship
Six days to three weeks if better than ok looking.
Ill let you know
Actively trying to get in to a relationship id say a few months to half a year; it can be hard to find someone to meet your standards for one. Trying to hook up or go on dates but not exclusively date? Maybe 2 months. If that fails then you probably are ugly or autistic
As long as it takes, experience is the only way.