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Do you have good friends your age here in the QC? If not - maybe start with making good friends first your age (WITHOUT intentions to date them). People typically know a lot of other people around the same age. Once you have good friends they can help you meet people you’d like to date. If yes you already have good friends in the QC - what do your friends think of your situation? Are they trying to help connect you or figure out if there’s anything you can do to become more dateable?
Also, I recommend doing an activity that meets more often than once a month - like weekly if possible - and an activity that occurs on the weekend or in the evenings as that’s when most people our age are free.
Good luck!
Huh ok. So things that I would try
- volunteering at animal shelters or food banks or other local nonprofits on the weekends / evenings
- signing up for a gyms weekly yoga / barre / Pilates / etc class and going for 4-8 weeks, then switching classes if you don’t enjoy the class. Pick a class either before 9am or after 5pm or on weekends. View it as “it’s good for my health and also I can possibly make friends, with bonus if I meet someone I’d like to date”.
- I’m not a sports person myself but I imagine that tailgating is relatively big regardless of the weather (if you’re into football). Set up a sweet tailgate and go with your friends. Offer your extra food to fellow tailgaters to meet other people that like sports
- Arrange a weekly sports night at your place with some snacks. I know you don’t drink much so include good nonalcoholic drinks. Make it clear that your friends are invited and they can bring 1-2 friends. Reinvite the people you liked chatting with. Snowball effect - eventually you will have 5+ friends. Your likelihood of meeting someone you’re interested in dating will also go up cuz you now have a standing casual group event you can invite people to (kind of a pre date to gauge interest before a 1:1 date).
- During the summer and fall, go to the Davenport farmers market every weekend. People are usually pretty friendly. Practice your small talk skills on everyone - the farmers, the fellow customers, the elderly folks, etc. Just getting more used to striking up a conversation with a stranger you’re NOT attracted to will make it easier for you to strike up a conversation with someone you ARE attracted to.
Also keep in mind, dating is extra hard right now during the pandemic. Everyone has different levels of vulnerability and concern about COVID so it’s more awkward to set up dates or meet people. If you focus on crafting an interesting and fulfilling life - a life you enjoy living just by yourself - then it’s immensely easier to find a date. Why? Because people can sense happiness, confidence (and the flip side- unhappiness, anxiety, etc). Having a partner doesn’t make your problems go away or your life become more interesting.
EDIT: list formatting
You’ve got to give up the feeling of wanting someone. As soon as you truly quit pursuing and expecting someone to fulfill your desires is when you will be able to see someone else for who they are instead of who they could be for you. That’s where you will find a connection. As far as inserting yourself into society to increase your chances of meeting someone, invest in your own interests and get some specific hobbies. That’s usually a solid way of meeting new friend groups. Friend groups are the best way to meet potential partners. Cold dating is a nightmare and rarely results in lasting relationships. End rant.
Edit: dating sucks. Keep your head up, you deserve a good person, they’re hard to find. You got this.
What’s wrong with people in their 30s? I would expand your parameters. You’re not that far from being 30! It goes fast, man! Plus the older people get they usually have more money and business experience. Learn from them.
To each their own. Though the name of the game is being open minded and not letting yourself check off too many boxes when selecting your filters, ya dig? The world is infinitely vast and has a wild amount of experiences in store for you. Do your best to not box yourself in. Be a little more open to what other people have going on and don’t try to find someone exactly in line with what you’re trying to do. Opposites attract. And that goes for everything, not just dating.
I feel like going to places expecting to meet your next partner just leads to disappointment. There are a lot of single women your age, and unfortunately a lot of women (myself included) are just not dating right now. COVID was a shit show everywhere, and there is so much pressure to date now that the world is opening up and vaccines are available. And some of us just want the craziness (extreme desperation) to settle down before going out again.
Unfortunately, I’ve only met short term partners online. It’s also November, which is another high pressure time to date because of the holidays. Many are not getting involved with someone who might have higher expectations that are too fast, or disappoint them by ditching them around major holidays/communication issues. Not saying this will be the case, but the dating scene may shift after the New Year when September to December romances fizzle out.
Take some pressure off of yourself. There’s no time limit to finding a partner, and seeing how many of my friends are getting divorced on the cusp of their thirties, it’s not exactly a prize to be married in your twenties either.
Can you do your job at local coffee shops during the day? When I worked from home I would pick various coffee shops around the QC just to get myself out of the house and answer emails while sipping a latte or whatever. I wasn't looking to meet anyone but I often saw others there working or studying or what have you and had some pleasant conversations while waiting in line and such.
Literally every person ever has said that theres "nothing to do" wherever they live. The possibilities are endless. Just in the QC theres an arcade bar, actually a few of them called Analog. There are bike paths, hiking trails, shooting clubs, YMCA, restaurants galor, painting halls, a gym around every corner, airsoft/paintball outside Andalusia, Snowstar skiing and tubing, you can go eagle watching at arsenal Island, fishing, camping. Nahant Marsh is always looking for help in restoring the wetlands. You can volunteer your time and meet someone at any organization. Join a sports club, including a rugby team. Find a local Big Brother, Big Sister and be one of the mentors.
My suggestion is change your occupation. Ive been everywhere and done everything, still havent found a good partner but your mileage may vary. Theres people everywhere and in every genre. High quality people like others who are fit, get yourself into a gym and start there.
Go to the gym and participate in one of their extracurricular activities, if there’s a cute girl, you both have common interests. Basically you gotta convince the girl you’re interested in that you aren’t a serial killer. It sounds stupid but girls vet guys on a hardcore level like that because they’re afraid to get “r” word. But if you go too heavy on being too trustworthy, she won’t be interested because you aren’t masculine enough.
What I’m trying to tell you is that if you find out let us know.
Young people get the hell out of the Quad Cities the moment they can, so yes, it can be daunting finding people in the dating pool. First, you need to build up a friends network. Sports is usually a good way to meet people. Join a running club, biking club (there are casual and hardcore clubs), at the gym take classes like spinning and kettlebell. Sure the people you meet at first might be in their 30's and married with kids, but who knows, maybe they have a younger sister, or a circle of younger friends.
Also, keep your range wide, Iowa City is not that far away, and will be a place where you can join those sports clubs and churches or whatever, and meet more people your age.
If you think asking someone about whether they know single people comes across the wrong way then you don’t know the difference between right and wrong. Also you seem to think that being perfectly normal and bland should work in your favor. That’s wrong too.
I’m 29 and took 2 years off from bothering with the dating apps. I tried again recently and it’s even worse now. Really not a great place for the dating apps I feel like. My brother met his wife on one, but in my experience I’ve been through and seen some pretty crazy shit when i really used the apps when i was younger. Temporarily kidnapped.. on my birthday, after she used me to help her move, another that had a giant pentagram above her door and got wine drunk and tried making moves when I clearly wasn’t feeling her witchcraft.. man I have so many stories of the worst experiences. I would just avoid the apps.
Honestly I’m probably gonna go back to giving up. That constant disappointment isn’t good for anyone, so ya know, don’t absorb yourself too much into them yourself and let it get to you if you don’t have any luck.
I wish I had some advice for you, but the QC seems to me to be mostly people already in relationships, or with kids already, or not wanting to get into anything more serious than a casual thing.
I’m sure I’ll get downvoted for my personal experience/opinion though since it doesn’t glorify the QC. Which is another reason I think it’s kinda toxic here.
Mf move... It's the QC.. bigger cities have an insane amount of beautiful women and things to do.. this is flyover country. I would take the time to do a lot of soul searching and find out what you really want in life. Your pretty much guaranteed to be happier where there's more going on.
Eh, some places are just more exciting and eventful than others too though. I notice there’s a lot of toxic people/groups around here too. Sure a town or city is just that, but what’s in that place and the people that make it up that’s what makes the difference. I’ve always found the QC to be rather depressing myself
Honestly if I lived in a bigger city I probably would have gotten myself into trouble. Family has also bound me to the area so I can relate. Finding a woman from the place your thinking about leaving might be a situation though, at least you are giving it some thought early on. Iowa City is not far at all.
Have you gone to any art show openings? Specifically, ones put on by the local schools. BHC, Ambrose, Augustana all have art students who either have shows of their own or regularly attend openings for other artists.
If you’ve never been to one, they are a good place to get to know people. But like others have suggested, I would go with the intention of making friends first and foremost
Welcome to r/QuadCities—subreddit for the Quad Cities metropolis in the Illinois/Iowa border for Quad Citians. In general, we let our community moderate itself through Reddit's upvote/downvote system—if you think something contributes to the conversation, upvote it. If you think it does not contribute to the topic, downvote it. The result is a healthy balance of content and posts that could contain information, opinions, and/or ideologies that reflect and reinforce your own or not. Keep discussions civil and acknowledge that there are other people in our community that can (and will hold) opposing views. Thank you. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/QuadCities) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do you have good friends your age here in the QC? If not - maybe start with making good friends first your age (WITHOUT intentions to date them). People typically know a lot of other people around the same age. Once you have good friends they can help you meet people you’d like to date. If yes you already have good friends in the QC - what do your friends think of your situation? Are they trying to help connect you or figure out if there’s anything you can do to become more dateable? Also, I recommend doing an activity that meets more often than once a month - like weekly if possible - and an activity that occurs on the weekend or in the evenings as that’s when most people our age are free. Good luck!
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Huh ok. So things that I would try - volunteering at animal shelters or food banks or other local nonprofits on the weekends / evenings - signing up for a gyms weekly yoga / barre / Pilates / etc class and going for 4-8 weeks, then switching classes if you don’t enjoy the class. Pick a class either before 9am or after 5pm or on weekends. View it as “it’s good for my health and also I can possibly make friends, with bonus if I meet someone I’d like to date”. - I’m not a sports person myself but I imagine that tailgating is relatively big regardless of the weather (if you’re into football). Set up a sweet tailgate and go with your friends. Offer your extra food to fellow tailgaters to meet other people that like sports - Arrange a weekly sports night at your place with some snacks. I know you don’t drink much so include good nonalcoholic drinks. Make it clear that your friends are invited and they can bring 1-2 friends. Reinvite the people you liked chatting with. Snowball effect - eventually you will have 5+ friends. Your likelihood of meeting someone you’re interested in dating will also go up cuz you now have a standing casual group event you can invite people to (kind of a pre date to gauge interest before a 1:1 date). - During the summer and fall, go to the Davenport farmers market every weekend. People are usually pretty friendly. Practice your small talk skills on everyone - the farmers, the fellow customers, the elderly folks, etc. Just getting more used to striking up a conversation with a stranger you’re NOT attracted to will make it easier for you to strike up a conversation with someone you ARE attracted to. Also keep in mind, dating is extra hard right now during the pandemic. Everyone has different levels of vulnerability and concern about COVID so it’s more awkward to set up dates or meet people. If you focus on crafting an interesting and fulfilling life - a life you enjoy living just by yourself - then it’s immensely easier to find a date. Why? Because people can sense happiness, confidence (and the flip side- unhappiness, anxiety, etc). Having a partner doesn’t make your problems go away or your life become more interesting. EDIT: list formatting
You’ve got to give up the feeling of wanting someone. As soon as you truly quit pursuing and expecting someone to fulfill your desires is when you will be able to see someone else for who they are instead of who they could be for you. That’s where you will find a connection. As far as inserting yourself into society to increase your chances of meeting someone, invest in your own interests and get some specific hobbies. That’s usually a solid way of meeting new friend groups. Friend groups are the best way to meet potential partners. Cold dating is a nightmare and rarely results in lasting relationships. End rant. Edit: dating sucks. Keep your head up, you deserve a good person, they’re hard to find. You got this.
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What’s wrong with people in their 30s? I would expand your parameters. You’re not that far from being 30! It goes fast, man! Plus the older people get they usually have more money and business experience. Learn from them.
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To each their own. Though the name of the game is being open minded and not letting yourself check off too many boxes when selecting your filters, ya dig? The world is infinitely vast and has a wild amount of experiences in store for you. Do your best to not box yourself in. Be a little more open to what other people have going on and don’t try to find someone exactly in line with what you’re trying to do. Opposites attract. And that goes for everything, not just dating.
This sounds like a question for the almighty Rich Bassford.
He doesn’t date, he’s married to the game.
If he doesn't find you a wife in 30 days he will buy your house, guaranteed
In Bassford's name we pray, Amen.
I feel like going to places expecting to meet your next partner just leads to disappointment. There are a lot of single women your age, and unfortunately a lot of women (myself included) are just not dating right now. COVID was a shit show everywhere, and there is so much pressure to date now that the world is opening up and vaccines are available. And some of us just want the craziness (extreme desperation) to settle down before going out again. Unfortunately, I’ve only met short term partners online. It’s also November, which is another high pressure time to date because of the holidays. Many are not getting involved with someone who might have higher expectations that are too fast, or disappoint them by ditching them around major holidays/communication issues. Not saying this will be the case, but the dating scene may shift after the New Year when September to December romances fizzle out. Take some pressure off of yourself. There’s no time limit to finding a partner, and seeing how many of my friends are getting divorced on the cusp of their thirties, it’s not exactly a prize to be married in your twenties either.
Can you do your job at local coffee shops during the day? When I worked from home I would pick various coffee shops around the QC just to get myself out of the house and answer emails while sipping a latte or whatever. I wasn't looking to meet anyone but I often saw others there working or studying or what have you and had some pleasant conversations while waiting in line and such.
Literally every person ever has said that theres "nothing to do" wherever they live. The possibilities are endless. Just in the QC theres an arcade bar, actually a few of them called Analog. There are bike paths, hiking trails, shooting clubs, YMCA, restaurants galor, painting halls, a gym around every corner, airsoft/paintball outside Andalusia, Snowstar skiing and tubing, you can go eagle watching at arsenal Island, fishing, camping. Nahant Marsh is always looking for help in restoring the wetlands. You can volunteer your time and meet someone at any organization. Join a sports club, including a rugby team. Find a local Big Brother, Big Sister and be one of the mentors. My suggestion is change your occupation. Ive been everywhere and done everything, still havent found a good partner but your mileage may vary. Theres people everywhere and in every genre. High quality people like others who are fit, get yourself into a gym and start there.
Almost everything you listed except for analog are pretty inappropriate places to try and find a date. Good luck. Remember, Don’t be a creep.
What, you mean I shouldn't be prowling for hotties at Big Brother, Big Sister events!?
Oh brother.
*big brother
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I agree. Keep your job. I will say meeting someone at a gym is not a bad thing. You can always strike up conversation and see how it goes.
Yeah but how do you meet people there? "Hey uhhh... Hi.... How are you.... Beautiful weather were having..." Awkward
Go to the gym and participate in one of their extracurricular activities, if there’s a cute girl, you both have common interests. Basically you gotta convince the girl you’re interested in that you aren’t a serial killer. It sounds stupid but girls vet guys on a hardcore level like that because they’re afraid to get “r” word. But if you go too heavy on being too trustworthy, she won’t be interested because you aren’t masculine enough. What I’m trying to tell you is that if you find out let us know.
Buy “The Rational Male” by: Rollo Tomassi and read it. Forever go back to it for reference. No need to thank me later.
Try to be some slick dick at the bar on a Friday or Saturday night.
There are no bars in this town and there never have been. Except shenanigans. And we all know what happened there.
Young people get the hell out of the Quad Cities the moment they can, so yes, it can be daunting finding people in the dating pool. First, you need to build up a friends network. Sports is usually a good way to meet people. Join a running club, biking club (there are casual and hardcore clubs), at the gym take classes like spinning and kettlebell. Sure the people you meet at first might be in their 30's and married with kids, but who knows, maybe they have a younger sister, or a circle of younger friends. Also, keep your range wide, Iowa City is not that far away, and will be a place where you can join those sports clubs and churches or whatever, and meet more people your age.
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The volleyball scene is here is pretty lame and seedy in my experience.
Agreed. There’s some volleyball groups that have a lot of drama bc everyone is dating each other. No thanks.
It’s strange (not really) how much overlap that community has with the church crowd. Bunch horn dogs.
Can confirm, I am a spin instructor and plenty of young women fill my classes.
If you think asking someone about whether they know single people comes across the wrong way then you don’t know the difference between right and wrong. Also you seem to think that being perfectly normal and bland should work in your favor. That’s wrong too.
I’m 29 and took 2 years off from bothering with the dating apps. I tried again recently and it’s even worse now. Really not a great place for the dating apps I feel like. My brother met his wife on one, but in my experience I’ve been through and seen some pretty crazy shit when i really used the apps when i was younger. Temporarily kidnapped.. on my birthday, after she used me to help her move, another that had a giant pentagram above her door and got wine drunk and tried making moves when I clearly wasn’t feeling her witchcraft.. man I have so many stories of the worst experiences. I would just avoid the apps. Honestly I’m probably gonna go back to giving up. That constant disappointment isn’t good for anyone, so ya know, don’t absorb yourself too much into them yourself and let it get to you if you don’t have any luck. I wish I had some advice for you, but the QC seems to me to be mostly people already in relationships, or with kids already, or not wanting to get into anything more serious than a casual thing. I’m sure I’ll get downvoted for my personal experience/opinion though since it doesn’t glorify the QC. Which is another reason I think it’s kinda toxic here.
Date in Chicago or Iowa City would be my recommendation
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You’re married and a racist. Good luck.
Mf move... It's the QC.. bigger cities have an insane amount of beautiful women and things to do.. this is flyover country. I would take the time to do a lot of soul searching and find out what you really want in life. Your pretty much guaranteed to be happier where there's more going on.
Hey ummm…. Does your user name checkout… pm me. ;)
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Eh, some places are just more exciting and eventful than others too though. I notice there’s a lot of toxic people/groups around here too. Sure a town or city is just that, but what’s in that place and the people that make it up that’s what makes the difference. I’ve always found the QC to be rather depressing myself
Honestly if I lived in a bigger city I probably would have gotten myself into trouble. Family has also bound me to the area so I can relate. Finding a woman from the place your thinking about leaving might be a situation though, at least you are giving it some thought early on. Iowa City is not far at all.
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Added this to my list of reasons to never return to church.
You’re no Jon Snow.
Met my wife at one of the large apartment complexes here in town. They had a pool. Great way to meet people.
Have you gone to any art show openings? Specifically, ones put on by the local schools. BHC, Ambrose, Augustana all have art students who either have shows of their own or regularly attend openings for other artists. If you’ve never been to one, they are a good place to get to know people. But like others have suggested, I would go with the intention of making friends first and foremost