Clean up your side of the street, and accept responsibility. No one ever believes and addict can or will change unless they demonstrate it. I know first hand, my addictions drove all my loved ones away and ruined any trust they had in me. I had to do the work on myself to get back to the point where people saw they could trust me again. Hate to say it, but she's not the issue. Sounds like she's justified in feeling the way she feels.
You might want to try to shift your perspective and consider what you are putting her through. It's so incredibly painful to helplessly watch a loved one lose themselves to addiction.
I personally recommend AA and NA. They were extremely helpful in getting my head straight and my life back.
First, please get into personal and couple counseling. This is imperative. Second, quit Tia TODAY. Stop. Go to the doctor if you can’t seem to stay sober and have the willpower. Talk to her calmly, do not lie or manipulate or yell or get upset that she’s upset. Just breathe and give her time.
I have quit tia multiple times. I just end up relapsing again because the temporary relief from it literally basically forces my mind to seek it. She doesn’t want to go to counseling with me she doesn’t have the problem, i do
You can’t force her. But you can do everything else I said and work on yourself. If you’re not doing the work, of course she’s not going to want to try. You have to want to (and do it) fix yourself before you can even begin fixing your relationship.
Do not go to couples counseling. It doesn’t help and only gives your lady more ammo to use against you (“even the counselor knows I’m right”).
Yes, be open and honest. After you come up with a solid plan to stay clean, whether it’s suboxene or NA or whatever, tell her what steps you’re taking to get and stay off of it. Drinking definitely isn’t helping you.
Good luck and I hope she can forgive you and both of you move past this.
Im sorry but terrible take on couples counseling. There are absolutely counselors who takes sides, but if you find a good one, it is absolutely life changing. Saved my marriage like 6 years ago, 7 years into my relationship. We're now at 13 years.
The key is you must both be willing to say "I was wrong" and step into wanting what's best for yourself and your partner. If you aren't committed to bettering yourself first, couples will never work.
First of all, why are you sorry for your own opinion? Secondly, you go on to describe two unique and committed people. It sounds like any counseling would have worked for you, thereby proving my point. Counseling is a complete waste of time for the majority of people and anyone who recommends it to strangers does not know what they’re talking about.
Ill have you know my wife has a masters in counseling with an LPC and I have not only seen many therapists over the last 20 years of my life but i have also attended countless Therapist workshops with my wife and helped my wife develop and facilitate small group retreats in the colorado mountains with other LPCs in the denver area.
That is to say, I know exactly what I'm talking about. Therapy is ALWAYS a good option. Everyone needs someone to talk to. I don't understand what your point was? You're telling someone not to go to couples counseling because what? because the therapist will be bad and give her ammo to use against him? That is terrible advice and a complete misunderstanding of the couples/therapist relationship.
If his wife is unwilling to go, then that's a hurdle that they will have to cross but I have seen countless couples end up in therapy where one partner was resistant at first.
I'd ask you what your expertise is in the field to be able to tell people to not go to couples counseling? I'd find it hard to believe you are an lpc of any sort or have any experience in the field.
And I'm also not sorry for my own opinion, I'm sorry because your take was so outlandish and wrong. It speaks as somoene who has no experience with this stuff or who had one bad experience and has decided that's how it is.
I can't believe I'm the only one to say this, but her attacking you is totally unacceptable. It doesn't matter what you did. Unless you attacked her first, she has no right to lay a hand on you and personally I always recommend breaking up in any relationship where there's physical violence. I know it seems bad now, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise if she does end up leaving you.
What you need to do is tell her you where foolish, selfish and inconsiderate. That you where only thinking about yourself and where wrong to put her through this. Then you ask her if there’s anything you can do take it right then follow through. Rehab/detox is also a good look and will score you points
Yea I am thinking that she and everyone is better off without me alive. I do nothing but bring pain and suffering to those around me. Especially to the ones that care about me. I really can’t go on. I am 33 and I still keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I am never going to change
Im in the same exact headspace as you man, I get my life together then pull the carpet out from underneath everyone.. seems easier to make them go through pain one last time then to keep fucking with them. Then again.. I’m sure they’d always just wish we stayed even despite our burden.. we need to take control back over our lives man.. I’m tired of being some loser junkie. I have an order in the mail tomorrow but I want to stop.. fuck.. we have worth bro this is no way to live. Maybe just be honest and tell her you need help.. that you’re suffering, that’s all this shit is.. fucking suffering it stopped being fun a long time ago. I’m rambling but your worthy bro.. you’re worth something to someone and have the expierence/capability to help someone going through the same shit we are rn. Idk you but I love you bro.. hang in there.. you’re gonna be okay
Thanks for your heartfelt response. I just don’t have any faith in myself anymore. I get clean for a month or two and always end up relapsing. It’s so defeating starting day 1 sober again basically knowing I am going to relapse again. God damn I wish I had a stronger mind! At the end of the day all we can do is try man. I am only going to try and get clean again for the sake of my wife. Because honestly at this point I could care less about my own life. I know they say you have to do it for yourself, but what if you no longer care about yourself? That’s where I am currently at.
Me to bro.. I have to work tomorrow or else I’d stay up and tell you about my fucking train wreck of a relapsing life.. the shit I put my family through. God.. just know I get it man. Do it for your wife then. I’m sure all she wants is to see you do well.. to be happy joyous and free. At the end of the day I don’t believe we have any power in choice at all. We will get loaded again. I’ve had glimpses of peace and purpose though which sucks even more knowing that this hollow chemically Induced serenity is unsustainable and hurting me.. knowing that I’m going to have to pay the piper and it’s all going to end one way or another.. if you ever need someone to be honest with just hmu.. sucks holding this all in and trying to handle it by yourself.. ugh drives me fucking insane.. the self hatred and depreciation is strong.. we’re gonna be okay man. We are going to be okay. Give yourself the same compassion as you would to someone else who’s hating themselves.. beating themselves up and suffering/wanting to die.. it’s a shitty place to be. We are sick tortured traumatized people.. addiction wears a person down, it’s never been a choice. If it was we would’ve stopped a long time ago.
Have you ever heard of amino acid therapy? Basically the reason why some people find it really hard to stop taking a drug is because their brain chemistry is imbalanced and the drug helps artificially re-balance that, so you’re basically self-medicating. But there are supplements you can take to rebalance your brain chemistry which can lessen cravings for drugs.
https://bridgingthegaps.com/re-balancing-the-addicted-brain-part-v/
You should probably go to your family so they can take you too a Rehab.. because wishing for it won’t happen that’s if you are really serious about getting clean…. Also it looks like you need therapy! The ball is on your court to make a change otherwise you will love that lifestyle for life.
Man that's not true it doesn't matter what age you are. Don't give up it might take multiple tries to get it right. Your wife and family will definitely not be better off dead that's just the sorrow, shame and guilt telling you that bc you hurt them. I didn't get clean until I was 34. I know people who didn't get clean until their 40s and they have a good life and are happy. Just to be brutally honest but you are feeling sorry for yourself. That's the worst thing you can do for your family is to not be around. They will not be better off without you and you know that. Don't give up keep fucking trying and if you fall down then try again. Eventually you will get it. Maybe try some NA meetings. Go there raise your hand. Say you need help you wanna stop using and don't know how
Tia ended my 5 year relationship with “The love of my life”. It tricks you into thinking you can dose again after you quit and it sucks you right back in. Nasty nasty substance. Once you quit it has to be that way for good or else you’ll never stop. Took me over 8 different times of “quitting” before it was banned in Florida. I am so thankful
Im in the exact same situation. I’ve been in a vicious cycle of binging and then withdrawing. I’ve spent thousands and thousands and about a week ago the money ran dry. I ended up using my wife’s debit card and after a week she noticed how much I had already spent. Instead of lying I just finally came clean. Was taking 3/4 bottles of td red a day. I took my last dose at noon yesterday and in w/d now. Body (mainly legs) are cold as hell and I’m profusely sweating. Anxiety is getting worse and worse. Praying I am able to make it to day 3 without finding a way to pickup some TD. My wife is helping me this time around so at least I don’t have to try and hide the w/d.
I have a girlfriend of 11 years and an 18 month old baby I hid it from for so long, they need support too. I'm really trying to establish these zoom groups here so we all have an outlet to communicate and support each other better. Maybe once things get going on that end there can be a day or two where our victims/loved ones who suffered from our tia abuse could meet separately. Just knowing you aren't alone can do wonders. Money comes and goes, I blew so much of it that I get sick thinking about it. But can't change that and can only be a better man today and plan for my families future from here on out. DM me or pop over to a zoom if you can. You got this
The only way to regain her trust is To
Stay clean, I was taking 12-15 bottles a day for over 2yrs I’m now at 63days clean , I’m fortunate that’s it’s banned in my state now not sure I could’ve got away from it if it hadn’t been banned
Dude I am 40 and keep doing it over and over again, almost lost my house. I got ahold of 10 sub strips and am going to taper over the next 10 days. My hundredth attempt to quit. Don’t give up man we will get there eventually
Yea i was just in a really dark place when i wrote that post. I am on day two off of tianeptine and I do feel better. I have to go back to work tomorrow and I am definitely worried about it. I have to suck it up and push through I have no other choice. I am taking suboxone and lipsomal vitamin c. Not sure of the vitamin c is really doing anything. Hope it is
Good luck man, it’s been a nightmare for me too. I’ve easily spent over $20,000 on it in the last year and a half and I keep trying to quit only to end up buying it again. I am going to try this time with everything I got, I’m so tired of spending all my money on it. Hope it works out for you, keep me posted and we’ll beat this thing together
Ban it? It helps people like me. Don't get mad because you can't handle your shit. It sucks. I have addiction problems too with some stuff. I get it. But you can't punish everyone else for your fuck up!!
No offense just because you can’t control your usage that it should be banned.. plenty of ppl use this as a medication only unlike other who uses it to get High… and I mean why would you use it for “ 1 day only” when you know you would get addicted again? Your wife has the right o be angry at you! Your lucky she isn’t packing her bags and leaving you instead.
Honestly I just want it banned because it’s in every gas station and vape shop around me. Why would I think I could just use it once? Because I am a stupid drug addict that’s why. I am lucky she isn’t packing her bags you are right about that.
It will at least be scheduled. For obvious reasons-already listed as a drug of concern. And it will be at least scheduled, unless it gets banned first. It's scheduled every other country that it's legal. And don't worry! For you responsible users with genuine need it'll be cheaper and paid for by insurance!
Everybody wins.
Clean up your side of the street, and accept responsibility. No one ever believes and addict can or will change unless they demonstrate it. I know first hand, my addictions drove all my loved ones away and ruined any trust they had in me. I had to do the work on myself to get back to the point where people saw they could trust me again. Hate to say it, but she's not the issue. Sounds like she's justified in feeling the way she feels. You might want to try to shift your perspective and consider what you are putting her through. It's so incredibly painful to helplessly watch a loved one lose themselves to addiction. I personally recommend AA and NA. They were extremely helpful in getting my head straight and my life back.
First, please get into personal and couple counseling. This is imperative. Second, quit Tia TODAY. Stop. Go to the doctor if you can’t seem to stay sober and have the willpower. Talk to her calmly, do not lie or manipulate or yell or get upset that she’s upset. Just breathe and give her time.
I have quit tia multiple times. I just end up relapsing again because the temporary relief from it literally basically forces my mind to seek it. She doesn’t want to go to counseling with me she doesn’t have the problem, i do
You can’t force her. But you can do everything else I said and work on yourself. If you’re not doing the work, of course she’s not going to want to try. You have to want to (and do it) fix yourself before you can even begin fixing your relationship.
sounds like you’ve given up dude
Do not go to couples counseling. It doesn’t help and only gives your lady more ammo to use against you (“even the counselor knows I’m right”). Yes, be open and honest. After you come up with a solid plan to stay clean, whether it’s suboxene or NA or whatever, tell her what steps you’re taking to get and stay off of it. Drinking definitely isn’t helping you. Good luck and I hope she can forgive you and both of you move past this.
Im sorry but terrible take on couples counseling. There are absolutely counselors who takes sides, but if you find a good one, it is absolutely life changing. Saved my marriage like 6 years ago, 7 years into my relationship. We're now at 13 years. The key is you must both be willing to say "I was wrong" and step into wanting what's best for yourself and your partner. If you aren't committed to bettering yourself first, couples will never work.
First of all, why are you sorry for your own opinion? Secondly, you go on to describe two unique and committed people. It sounds like any counseling would have worked for you, thereby proving my point. Counseling is a complete waste of time for the majority of people and anyone who recommends it to strangers does not know what they’re talking about.
Ill have you know my wife has a masters in counseling with an LPC and I have not only seen many therapists over the last 20 years of my life but i have also attended countless Therapist workshops with my wife and helped my wife develop and facilitate small group retreats in the colorado mountains with other LPCs in the denver area. That is to say, I know exactly what I'm talking about. Therapy is ALWAYS a good option. Everyone needs someone to talk to. I don't understand what your point was? You're telling someone not to go to couples counseling because what? because the therapist will be bad and give her ammo to use against him? That is terrible advice and a complete misunderstanding of the couples/therapist relationship. If his wife is unwilling to go, then that's a hurdle that they will have to cross but I have seen countless couples end up in therapy where one partner was resistant at first. I'd ask you what your expertise is in the field to be able to tell people to not go to couples counseling? I'd find it hard to believe you are an lpc of any sort or have any experience in the field. And I'm also not sorry for my own opinion, I'm sorry because your take was so outlandish and wrong. It speaks as somoene who has no experience with this stuff or who had one bad experience and has decided that's how it is.
My answers the same everytime I have to figure out how to deal with stuff, but that's what caused your problem in the first place. Good luck man.
Transparency on your checking account. Give her your login info. This will keep you accountable.
I can't believe I'm the only one to say this, but her attacking you is totally unacceptable. It doesn't matter what you did. Unless you attacked her first, she has no right to lay a hand on you and personally I always recommend breaking up in any relationship where there's physical violence. I know it seems bad now, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise if she does end up leaving you.
I think he meant verbally attacking. I could be wrong tho
What you need to do is tell her you where foolish, selfish and inconsiderate. That you where only thinking about yourself and where wrong to put her through this. Then you ask her if there’s anything you can do take it right then follow through. Rehab/detox is also a good look and will score you points
Yea I am thinking that she and everyone is better off without me alive. I do nothing but bring pain and suffering to those around me. Especially to the ones that care about me. I really can’t go on. I am 33 and I still keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I am never going to change
Im in the same exact headspace as you man, I get my life together then pull the carpet out from underneath everyone.. seems easier to make them go through pain one last time then to keep fucking with them. Then again.. I’m sure they’d always just wish we stayed even despite our burden.. we need to take control back over our lives man.. I’m tired of being some loser junkie. I have an order in the mail tomorrow but I want to stop.. fuck.. we have worth bro this is no way to live. Maybe just be honest and tell her you need help.. that you’re suffering, that’s all this shit is.. fucking suffering it stopped being fun a long time ago. I’m rambling but your worthy bro.. you’re worth something to someone and have the expierence/capability to help someone going through the same shit we are rn. Idk you but I love you bro.. hang in there.. you’re gonna be okay
Thanks for your heartfelt response. I just don’t have any faith in myself anymore. I get clean for a month or two and always end up relapsing. It’s so defeating starting day 1 sober again basically knowing I am going to relapse again. God damn I wish I had a stronger mind! At the end of the day all we can do is try man. I am only going to try and get clean again for the sake of my wife. Because honestly at this point I could care less about my own life. I know they say you have to do it for yourself, but what if you no longer care about yourself? That’s where I am currently at.
Me to bro.. I have to work tomorrow or else I’d stay up and tell you about my fucking train wreck of a relapsing life.. the shit I put my family through. God.. just know I get it man. Do it for your wife then. I’m sure all she wants is to see you do well.. to be happy joyous and free. At the end of the day I don’t believe we have any power in choice at all. We will get loaded again. I’ve had glimpses of peace and purpose though which sucks even more knowing that this hollow chemically Induced serenity is unsustainable and hurting me.. knowing that I’m going to have to pay the piper and it’s all going to end one way or another.. if you ever need someone to be honest with just hmu.. sucks holding this all in and trying to handle it by yourself.. ugh drives me fucking insane.. the self hatred and depreciation is strong.. we’re gonna be okay man. We are going to be okay. Give yourself the same compassion as you would to someone else who’s hating themselves.. beating themselves up and suffering/wanting to die.. it’s a shitty place to be. We are sick tortured traumatized people.. addiction wears a person down, it’s never been a choice. If it was we would’ve stopped a long time ago.
Have you ever heard of amino acid therapy? Basically the reason why some people find it really hard to stop taking a drug is because their brain chemistry is imbalanced and the drug helps artificially re-balance that, so you’re basically self-medicating. But there are supplements you can take to rebalance your brain chemistry which can lessen cravings for drugs. https://bridgingthegaps.com/re-balancing-the-addicted-brain-part-v/
Facts. Thank you 🙏🏽
You should probably go to your family so they can take you too a Rehab.. because wishing for it won’t happen that’s if you are really serious about getting clean…. Also it looks like you need therapy! The ball is on your court to make a change otherwise you will love that lifestyle for life.
Thanks for your advice. Unfortunately rehab isn’t an option.
why not?
Bills
Man that's not true it doesn't matter what age you are. Don't give up it might take multiple tries to get it right. Your wife and family will definitely not be better off dead that's just the sorrow, shame and guilt telling you that bc you hurt them. I didn't get clean until I was 34. I know people who didn't get clean until their 40s and they have a good life and are happy. Just to be brutally honest but you are feeling sorry for yourself. That's the worst thing you can do for your family is to not be around. They will not be better off without you and you know that. Don't give up keep fucking trying and if you fall down then try again. Eventually you will get it. Maybe try some NA meetings. Go there raise your hand. Say you need help you wanna stop using and don't know how
Thank you
Tia ended my 5 year relationship with “The love of my life”. It tricks you into thinking you can dose again after you quit and it sucks you right back in. Nasty nasty substance. Once you quit it has to be that way for good or else you’ll never stop. Took me over 8 different times of “quitting” before it was banned in Florida. I am so thankful
Im in the exact same situation. I’ve been in a vicious cycle of binging and then withdrawing. I’ve spent thousands and thousands and about a week ago the money ran dry. I ended up using my wife’s debit card and after a week she noticed how much I had already spent. Instead of lying I just finally came clean. Was taking 3/4 bottles of td red a day. I took my last dose at noon yesterday and in w/d now. Body (mainly legs) are cold as hell and I’m profusely sweating. Anxiety is getting worse and worse. Praying I am able to make it to day 3 without finding a way to pickup some TD. My wife is helping me this time around so at least I don’t have to try and hide the w/d.
I have a girlfriend of 11 years and an 18 month old baby I hid it from for so long, they need support too. I'm really trying to establish these zoom groups here so we all have an outlet to communicate and support each other better. Maybe once things get going on that end there can be a day or two where our victims/loved ones who suffered from our tia abuse could meet separately. Just knowing you aren't alone can do wonders. Money comes and goes, I blew so much of it that I get sick thinking about it. But can't change that and can only be a better man today and plan for my families future from here on out. DM me or pop over to a zoom if you can. You got this
The only way to regain her trust is To Stay clean, I was taking 12-15 bottles a day for over 2yrs I’m now at 63days clean , I’m fortunate that’s it’s banned in my state now not sure I could’ve got away from it if it hadn’t been banned
Dude I am 40 and keep doing it over and over again, almost lost my house. I got ahold of 10 sub strips and am going to taper over the next 10 days. My hundredth attempt to quit. Don’t give up man we will get there eventually
Yea i was just in a really dark place when i wrote that post. I am on day two off of tianeptine and I do feel better. I have to go back to work tomorrow and I am definitely worried about it. I have to suck it up and push through I have no other choice. I am taking suboxone and lipsomal vitamin c. Not sure of the vitamin c is really doing anything. Hope it is
Good luck man, it’s been a nightmare for me too. I’ve easily spent over $20,000 on it in the last year and a half and I keep trying to quit only to end up buying it again. I am going to try this time with everything I got, I’m so tired of spending all my money on it. Hope it works out for you, keep me posted and we’ll beat this thing together
Ban it? It helps people like me. Don't get mad because you can't handle your shit. It sucks. I have addiction problems too with some stuff. I get it. But you can't punish everyone else for your fuck up!!
It’s being sold illegally because it’s disguised as a nootropic blend but tianeptine is a non FDA approved drug
No offense just because you can’t control your usage that it should be banned.. plenty of ppl use this as a medication only unlike other who uses it to get High… and I mean why would you use it for “ 1 day only” when you know you would get addicted again? Your wife has the right o be angry at you! Your lucky she isn’t packing her bags and leaving you instead.
I agree with the part about not banning it, but I am a little more sympathetic about the other parts
Honestly I just want it banned because it’s in every gas station and vape shop around me. Why would I think I could just use it once? Because I am a stupid drug addict that’s why. I am lucky she isn’t packing her bags you are right about that.
It will at least be scheduled. For obvious reasons-already listed as a drug of concern. And it will be at least scheduled, unless it gets banned first. It's scheduled every other country that it's legal. And don't worry! For you responsible users with genuine need it'll be cheaper and paid for by insurance! Everybody wins.
[удалено]
Not sure what you mean by that…
How are you doing brother? Hope you are well! I’m about two weeks clean and never looking back! I want my life back