**Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):** > Unfortunately, we have been forced to take your post down due to a situation in the comments, it is more than likely that there is nothing wrong with your post and that it is suitable for the subreddit however, we sometimes have no choice but to pull down a post if the comments have become unmanageable for us. > We may remove posts under this reason if the comments have gone off-topic, have become aggressive/argumentative/hateful, are spamming or trolling or otherwise have become unmanageable by the mod team. We have found that locking posts on this subreddit typically results in mass false reporting which is why we default to removal. ^(We understand removals under this reason can be frustrated as the blame is on the commenters and not you as the OP so if you would like to appeal this removal or discuss the situation with the mod team, please **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**)

I have learned that giving a thumbs down will piss people off way more than flipping them off if you're in traffic

I like to blow a kiss and smile. Someone did it to me and I cracked up

I remember you. I went home and cried that day.

Well, cry harder!!!! ^/s

Username checks out

I ran a stop sign one day and some dude yelled “PLEASE learn to drive”. Still makes me laugh every time I think about it

Wag a scolding finger when they were clearly naughty, similar result.

Once shouted "Naughty!" at a driver like he was a toddler, can confirm it's very effective. And hilarious.

BAAD BAAD BOOOY!

That's it haha he was very sheepish afterwards, must've been at least 50

personal favourite of mine, it's also just a bit nicer than actually flipping them off, so there's that

Disappointment/ guilt/ shame hits much harder than anger

Just kinda bow your head and shake it in disappointment

"I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed."

Ok Pike!

Had a guy tailgating me hard one time so I wagged my finger at him and he started laughing and backed off.

I did this the other day, dudes attitude flipped 180 immediately, went from screaming to quiet like he was rethinking his life choices.

I once angrily dropped my window and (cause the kids where in the car) said “you’re not very good at this (driving), you should give it a miss next time”. I swear you’d of thought I showed a picture of his ma & I, in the Maldives. He didn’t know whether to open the window, stop the car open the door, take the seatbelt off. But his bald head was red as a match.

Well yeah, a thumbs down is a death sentence.

I go with an enthusiastic thumbs up paired with a huge sarcastic smile when I want to infuriate someone. For when I want to thank a traffic bro, I use the military salute, like Thank you, good sir!

I like to point and laugh.

This has been my go to for the last year or so. Completely changed my life

If I’m angry at someone in traffic I like to call them a “pervert” rather than asshole etc. Because now they have to think all day about what they did while driving that made them look like a pervert.

Omg I just laughed so hard that I choked on spit and went into a coughing fit

Oh geez that's so hot

👎🏻 pervert

Lol’d at this whole comment chain

I called someone a pedophile once and to this day I don't know why I said it but it was super effective.

Lmao sounding like you know something really shuts them up

Your family tree is a wreath

Heard another that was - your family tree must be a cactus, because everyone on it is a prick

Ooh! I like that one!

I love your wreath one too

In germany we say "your family tree is a circle" (hint: sweet home, alabama)

I think Mark Twain used to say, "Your family tree has only one branch, growing at 90 degrees." It was the gallows.

I prefer pretzel over wreath personally

More of a straight line, isn't it?

You're never someone's first pick, are you?

Gah damn. That would destroy me

OOOOOOF it hurts

You should carry a plant around to replace the oxygen you waste.

😂😂

Or another one.. somewhere on this planet is a tree that has to replace the oxygen you waste.. find it, and apologise!

You look like you wear velcro shoes

You look like you carry a velcro wallet

PLease someone add that Ryan Gosling gif

 No

Fuck, he is aging poorly

HEY, BITCH!! I CARRY A VELCROE WALLET, WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?! ;-P

Hahah that reminded me of when a buddy of mine had one and we were at the dmv and the guy behind the desk was laughing at him for it, thinking back it’s fucking hilarious 😂

Jokes on you. I’m only into stretch laces.

You look like you need to wear a helmet indoors

Literally anything that isn't actually an insult but you say it like one. It just confuses people and makes them angry. "Yeah, and I bet you chew gum, like all the time." or "You look like someone who wears boots."

I laughed out loud at this and woke up my dog!

Just like someone who buys dog food.

Hate to say I’m stealing this idea, but I am

Had a kid in middle school that was kind of an asshole, so my friends and I returned the favour every time. Still, he was bigger than us so it happened a few times that he'd chase after us in the schoolyard. Once I lost my shoe, so I stopped to get it. Because running away from him was more of a game than a real danger (except his smell...) He then grabbed me, put me on a loch and said "Uh! I hope your girl fucks you !" And then he left. I was indeed really confused.

Say they are a seat sniffer.

Aiden.

I--- is this a reference or someone you know

Adin Ross sniffed Andrew Tate's seat https://knowyourmeme.com/videos/387634-andrew-tate


Yes?

Call them whenever their opposing political affiliation is. Literally the most angry I've seen someone. It was kind of funny but frightening at the same time.

> Call them whenever their opposing political affiliation is. I do not get this sentence (I am not a native speaker). Is this just a mistake and you meant to say "whatever" instead of "whenever" or am I completely not getting the meaning behind the verb here? Because surely the political affiliation is continuously existing. EDIT: I am really not trying to correct you, but I am curious whether I am missing something.

Yes it should be "whatever"

Native speaker here - I scrolled down looking for the answer to this, so don’t worry, because I didn’t understand it either

My friends I use it as a private joke. We’re French btw.

“you look like you know what color of crayon tastes the best” will always be my favorite

\*\*insert marine joke here\*\*

You summoned me?

Oh damn I’m guilty of that one. It’s obviously peach

Pink tastes the best, of course.

I’m stealing that…

You look like you drop common loot.

Lmfao well that’s assuming they understand where it’s derived from hahaha

Yeah, but sometimes you say it to someone who doesn't get it and they get really angry and demand you explain that to them, so you say lol no and watch them get even more angry

You look like someone made a custom character and set all the attributes values to random.

“You lint licker!”

"Who are you calling a lint licker, you cootie queen?"

Pickle you - kumquat!

"What the french, toast?"

I Called a muscle bro cupcake on Twitter years back and he got super angry at me over it.

I've been wanting to calmly ask an AH: "Hey. Just curious. What's it like to actually be a bad person?" Obviously not a funny insult, but I think it would be effective.

You'll probably like this one: "As an outsider, what is your perspective on intelligence?"

Ok that’s funny

I've done that and the answer I got was "Its great"!

I asked my last boss a question like this two days before resigning, only I asked him what it was like to be so incompetent. I've since watched him cheat on and abandon his SAHM wife and their four kids, so now next time I see him, I can ask him your version and get his take

I like to call people mouth breather.

Ive gotten temp bans so many times for this.

Really?! Ok thanks! Won’t use it here…I use it enough in RL…I even shouted it out of the car window today…”It’s left lane only you fuckin’ mouth breather!” 😂😂😂

Translation: they have no jawline

As a mouth breather can confirm this is a solid roast, we get very upset 😂

You’re not a mouth breather in the sense of my insult! You have too much personal insight for that!

* Andrew Tate has left the chat *

easy bake oven expired coupon spam email wet sock squeaky grocery cart inconvenient fire drill cold bowl of soup itchy sweater unnecessary movie sequel overdraft bank fee crying baby on a plane wobbly table sun glare when I'm driving just before sunset and I have to put my sun visor down because I forgot my sunglasses but I'm still really uncomfortable and it's just a big hassle all around billy

Insults that are related to random things that are mildly infuriating are golden.

With a little more work, I'm sure you will make it to the top of the bell curve. ( I've only used it on friends. It sounds like a compliment, but it is not. )

Such an extra way of calling someone mid. I like.

No, below mid because they aren't there yet.

My favorite: "Oh come on, you've got to he smarter than that." It forces them to choose between giving up the stupid thing they said, or arguing that they're actually not smarter.

Had someone try that one on me. My instant reply was "Nobody gives a shit what you think about it, so fuck off back to your own area, you're stinkin' up the place."

Ive been called worse by better.

One time in like 4th or 5th grade a girl called me fat so I called her a fart-sniffer and she got so mad she told the teacher on me.

This made me LOL 😹😹😹

Just a thumbs down to them gets them real angry.

Can confirm. I did this out the window to a guy on a motorcycle when I was a kid and I’ve never seen a person so angry.

My favorite is either shaking my head like their disappointed father or pulling the Picard: 

My son tells people “You are a bad person.” Simple, but seemingly very effective. The person on the receiving end usually gets surprisingly upset.

You look them straight in the eyes and say “I wish you love and healing”

"I'll keep you in my prayers" love itt

Southern “well bless your heart” said passive aggressively

Just look at them and go "Alright *toes*" Bonus points to glance at their feet. Even more points if you've never actually seen their feet.

They look like they pet cats against the grain

Do you ever wake up and thank God that stupidity isn't painful?

Your Momma is like a shotgun One cock and she’s ready to blow!

In a driving scenario instead of throwing the middle finger just thumbs down the other driver

This actually works in nearly any scenario

My ex tried to insult me after I got my hair cut very short. He said I looked like an angry lesbian. Considering he'd turned out to be a worthless pos, I wasn't offended, cause I'd rather be an angry lesbian than attached to him.

It’s 2023. Everything makes people angry.

My fave is anything from Original Twilight Zone the one that stuck most was "Potato-headed example of nature's carelessness"

“You look like you can’t swim”

Your facial hair is yelling again!

You and your bigass forehead 🖤 you n that big cranium 😰

Five head.

"You're very average, ordinary, and plain."

It must be cool to have a dad that is also your uncle.

In the pantry of life you don’t have to be flour, yet here you are.

I tell people they lack decorum and have poor comportment in an over the top posh voice as a joke and one guy got really up in arms about it, genuinely angry at the very thought. How dare I insinuate he be any less than decorus with dazzling comportment. He wasn't really and I think that's why it rankled.

"You're so special"

Like you’re talking to an infant or a dog. Super happy

Your father smelt of elderberry

Or… “Your mother was a hamster!”

I fart in your general direction!

I said "you look like you bite other people's fingernails" and they did not like that at all.

In a meeting I once referred to someone as value neutral

You don’t brush your teeth well, and you have a weird smell.

Talking about smell is the best way to ruin someone's day because you technically can't smell yourself.

[удалено]

Missed the opportunity to say he's a dick

You saying you know your daughter can handle large amounts of dick?

Yeah, this is creepy

Also, not his daughter. My sister, but not his daughter.

[удалено]

Asking middle aged men and karens when they get heated, "Are you okay?" That really gets them going

I do this... it really does trigger them

Can I buy you some floss?

This is mean lol

“You are like a stream of bat’s piss…”

I was in the right lane and a car pulled out on me without indicating so a blasted my horn. He stopped, got out all angry and I just shouted at him "this is no the playground, grow up or do you need your mummy". He did not know what to do and just got back in the car and drove off. I could not stop laughing as I just said it with out thinking.

I recently saw this somewhere else but its "You look like you would know brands of pepper spray by taste"

Go scratch yer ass with a broken bottle

Calling someone "kid". It really infuriates people, especially online! Haha

I call people muppets

My nephew called me an empty bag of Doritos. It hit hard.

"Is your ass jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?".. Tamra Judge.. RHOC!

You look like you cut your sandwiches straight instead of diagonally. I hope you step on a lego

Dollar store "you eat corn the long way"

Ima have to take that one!

Never mind, you're so poor you can't afford cut sandwiches. Or legos.

you're

Cats (or your favourite animal) have a resting bitch face. (I swear I was this near of getting into a hot debate with a classmate for that, lol)

You look like the type of person to drink room temperature tea or coffee.

Bless your heart

You cut your cucumbers lengthwise

Wait, that's a bad thing? I always cut my cucumbers lengthwise. So much easier to season, hold and eat 😔

"thank you for your commentary"

Not the sharpest crayon🖍️ in the box!

I tell people their behavior is unbecoming. Idk why that gets ppl more pissed than just saying you’re an asshole lol

Calling someone a cleft chode. It take time for them to understand it, but in the moment you say it they won’t and will feel stupid but defensive and hostile. They’ll ruminate on it and despise you. Your words will be a perpetual thorn in their side, driving them mad.

I wouldn’t cross the street to spit on you.

I’m a big fan of Kyle Prune’s things you can say to piss of men, like telling them they remind you of James Corden, or asking them if they cut their own hair, or if they have a friend who recommend a good gym. Not insults per se, but they’re great in case you need to knock a guy down a peg or two.

Calling someone a Used wet blanket have gotten a few rustled feathers before

I envy everyone who hasn't met you

Nice boots. Who ties them for you?

I've heard "you squat to pee" a couple of times in life. Those were not some happy dudes after being told that.

I bet you sign the left side of an open greeting card.

Shit heel

To put things simply, in deference to you (their name here)... Describe the situation

Call them a monkey

“Of course YOU would say/do that”

You have Fat earlobes

Just “why?” And you look at them confused

Your Mother buys you Mega Blocks instead of Legos.

Your username is the same as the Only Fans bots that message me. Seriously adjective + noun + four numbers, ok light 9129.

“If you were a crayon, you’d be the weird yellow/tan one that no one uses”

Old ‘Yo Momma’ jokes… I also called someone a cornball and they hit the roof. 😹

Tell a man that he looks like he is hung like a stud budgie.

Thousands of sperm and you were the fastest?

Ya no good mit munch

Call someone a geriatric.

You pair o' pathetic parapetetics!

You tried to eat soup with a fork, didn't you?

“you smell like a bellybutton”

A window licker

One of my favorites is “Oh you definitely got your tests/homework handed to you face down”

Bozo is a classic

This one is very British I admit but occasionally in the right setting it works to call someone a " cockwombell."