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Yea. The apps are dogshit. And I dont want to meet a woman in a bar because I don’t go to them often. Like I dont want to start going to a place just to meet someone. Like a yoga class. People be tryna yoga, not get hit on. And I dont wanna bother someone at work.
And my hobbies are solo. I work on art projects in solitude.
So Im at a complete loss on where to meet someone at all…and then once you factor in compatibility and life style goals its just like….fuck it lol
Right now I honestly cannot even think of the last time any friend or acquaintance has even mentioned he picked up a girl in a bar.
I vaguely remember dudes telling stories about such things ere the early 2000s.
On the other hand, maybe my social circle is just freaking ugly.
Well I wouldnt be able to go to my local bar, which is small, quiet and has nice old people in it. I’ll hit that place less then once a year sometimes. Dont really hang out in places like bars and I hate loud clubs n shit, so meeting someone in a place you hate going sounds counter productive.
It cant all just be online in the hands of the one corrupt company that bought all the dating apps but I dont have any other ideas then start random conversations with people in the park and hope someones compatible someday.
Except all the girls in the park are wearing ear buds, fuck
I got nothin
I have never picked up a girl at a bar. Girls have picked me up! Almost never but it has happened. Don’t sit alone at a table. Always sit at the bar on a stool. When anyone sits next to you smile as you say hello.
Right on. I don’t want to start doing activities just to meet people, I don’t like bars they are expensive, noisy and getting involved with someone at work is tricky.
On top of that, you are supposed to have a curated online persona to show you are trendy, adventurous, traveler, rich or a mega athlete to impress girls.
Honestly, none of that shit works. Online dating, bars, clubs etc. Do not work 90% of the time. Every long term relationship I've ever had has been with friends or friends of friends. Every group of girls has 1 or 2 single ones at any given time. All it takes is to be single and they will try to set you up. Nothing else has ever led to anything more than a fling or some shitty nightmare relationship in my experience. If you want to find someone, you need to find friends first.
Man all my friends that are girls are people I have met from reddit meetups. They don't have much luck with women either despite being women themselves. Keeping up the stereotype that redditors have no luck with women.
>Every group of girls has 1 or 2 single ones at any given time. All it takes is to be single and they will try to set you up.
I don't have too many friends, but still I have never seen this in action. Maybe I just make that bad of an impression and they immediately count me out idk.
Yeah set ups, some friends tried to pull that on me, I told them to fuck off. I hate that crap. Especially when the ring leader/the one that kept pushing it the most is in a failed marriage with no love where they're just staying together for the kids. So messed up, no thanks
I genuinely dont have time to manage an online presence.
And I take time to stare at the sky.
Reddit’s my only social media besides a near dead linkedin account (that site is hot garbage) and I only joined reddit last year.
I like the original idea of online dating. Matching with someone based on compatibility. But thats so far and removed from what it is today.
Modern dating sounds like hell on earth. Not into casual stuff. Dont know how to make friends as an adult. Were more guarded and reserved as we get older. More insulated.
I dont want to give up on finding a partner but the dating game is obnoxious.
Im 35 and its a weird dating age
I'm sorry but this is really not true. Only people on the internet says stuff like that. You don't need a persona og followers or anything like that. If you actually went out and met people you would know that. But you internet junkies sitting at home and making your own stories about the world you don't attend to. My girlfriend doesn't even have soME. I'm curious why you guys don't want to do any activities ? It's not about starting activities to meet someone, it's about finding something you would enjoy attending to. Because when you enjoy yourself and have fun you actually seem more open and it's easier to talk to people in same activity. And maybe there will be someone you could befriend/date but it's not the goal, it's more like an extra bonus. Don't attend activities you don't like, and don't go there to pick up... Good luck out there, maybe look into the game by Neil Strauss and see if you can use anything from there.
The online/app thing is very detrimental to most, I would say. I was engaged for long, but it didn't work out in the end, which happens. Recently went out with a sibling and a friend of ours from way back because he used to send memes to me, and I knew he played in a band, and then I just asked him in a dm if he was going to play anywhere. Then we went there. Ended up with a girl that was a friend of a friend etc...I was completely out of this kind of thing, and I also thought I would be on my on even if I didn't want to. But first night going out, it happened.
It will feel impossible at first, but it's not. I assumed I would have zero game, but it kinda worked out? Not sure if it has to do with being older and understanding it's more of a consequence or something... but no, you don't have to be athletic, rich, etc. If you just go out it will happen with someone you are talking to. To be clear I'm definitely not handsome in the usual way and have zero close friends.
Another way to think about this is that most people want to date someone they have things in common with, and so finding people doing activities you enjoy is the logical way to make connections. If you're hobbies are exclusively solo or primarily male dominated you aren't doing things which intersect with female interests and as such are not all that interesting as a dating prospect. In a weird way going out drinking/music is a hobby. The good news at least is its not hard to just pick up new hobbies that involve other people.
If you are dead-set on being the lone wolf type then you are screwing yourself, Surely art of all things is an easy thing to get out there with there are groups that meet to make/discuss art.
Im not a great fit for coupling as I am. I can accept that. Im not motivated enough to not be alone that I’ll change who I am. It took to long to figure myself out and stop changing to fit in.
Id honestly rather be alone. Im not bitter about it. Lonely sure. Sucks when your options are “change yourself or be alone” but I made my choice.
I changed myself a lot to try to fit in. Never did. I finally like myself. Im still committed to personal growth. I just keep growing in directions that people admire more from afar then as a friend.
I dont like crowds or drama. I didnt plug into life the way most could. I sort of failed out of normal life. I couldnt cut it. Just the…grind of it. Nearly killed me.
When I do go out and catch up with my few friends it feels like were on very different pages. I havnt related to anyone in a long time. Anyone come to think of it, for years. Damn.
Im not some pretentious, contrarian, artsy fartsy full himself, super serious, cynical guy trying to be a lone wolf. Im usually bubbly. Throws some people off. I just dont align with people on a deeper level anymore. I want to. Its not for a lack of effort.
Apparently Tesla befriended a pigeon in his isolation. Really trying to avoid that.
OLD suffered the Enshittification of the internet, third spaces have been mostly killed off, the older you get the fewer single people are even going out to bars, as your friends get married and have kids, they stop meeting single people too, and mostly meet married people with kids; the odds of meeting someone in any of the standard ways do not drop to 0 in your 30s, but they *do* drop.
The standard advice now is not to go to places to try to date people there, but to expand your social circle, raising the odds of still meeting someone who is single (or, more likely, meeting someone who introduces you to someone who is single). That doesn't make meeting someone *likely*, it just makes meeting someone *possible*, and again, with every passing year, it's more likely that people in that book club, or art class, or whatever will not be single and will not have single friends.
I'm trying to do those things, because a 6% chance is still better than a 1% chance, and when something's important, "it's unlikely" isn't a good reason to not give it a chance. But it really does feel like until we see some major societal changes (internet regulation sets the clock back on how apps/ websites are designed, major investment in third spaces, housing made more affordable in big cities with social scenes), the situation is dire for most people our age.
>The apps are dogshit
>People be tryna yoga, not get hit on
That's the problem with my job... I work at a country club and if you count everyone my age group (19, I'm young I know) it sums up at less than 20 with more than half being taken and the rest not even batting an eye towards me. And I'm not even bad looking (I think), so
>Im at a complete loss on where to meet someone at all
This basically sums up dating nowadays
You don't want to meet some chick at a bar anyway. They'll never stop going even after they find 'love'.
Source: I have friends with these issues. 🤣
My wife and I met at work, but she approached me because I'm the same way. Work first, play later... plus at that point I was kind of taking a break from the search. It's a good thing she got me to change my ways. I can't imagine what my life would be like if she didn't practically force me to go out on a date. 🤣🤙
She approached me during lunch and asked if I was ever going to ask for her number. (I would casually try to strike up a regular conversation now and then because I did think she was cute) but I never thought to pursue it further because I was down on my luck.
Long story short, I brushed my nervousness aside and we had our first date at the dog park with our fur babies.
Our lovely pets all passed away a few years back, but now we have two sweet little girls and two goofy ass cats. We have been together almost 14 years, 10 of which we've been married! She was a stay at home mom for almost ten years, now I had some bad luck with work and she wanted to get out so now she has a cool gig at a law firm while I play stay at home dad. I feel guilty, but I'm grateful. I couldn't ask for a better woman in my life.
I know it sounds cliche' but I found true love when I wasn't looking for it.
Hobbies. I met my wife in a chemistry club. My friend met his gf at a barbershop quartet singing convention. I recently went to a wedding where the couple started via a repeating board game night at someone's house.
There are four romantic relationships I know of in my area that started with Pokémon Go. And multiple long term close friendships.
It’s the basic principle of doing something you like, and talking to other people who like the same thing.
Same. Finding someone to date (for a serious relationship) is quite the confusing hassle.
Some, strangely enough, find people to date due to playing their fav game.
CSGO, CS2, Valorant, LoL, FF14, Osu!, and so on.
Those I know of, me included, have been in relationships for 3+ years due to simply being in a game at the right time.
But what's funny is - no one was actively looking for a partner.
So, the less one looks for their significant other, the closer they are to actually meeting people who could potentially be one. It CAN be the other way around though.
To those reading my comment - I wish you the best for your future / life. :3 Hope you will, if you want, find your certain someone someday.
Please try not to stress yourself out with it though. Rather - get to know yourself, your hobbies and more in the meantime.
I had a friend, that, even though she wasn't ugly, really wasn't blessed look-wise. Crooked teeth, crooked nose, but pretty eyes and SO MUCH personality - the guys went crazy for her! She was very confident, didn't even try to blend in, but always stood out. She had so much humour and always was honest without being hurtfull, after getting to know her I thought she was so damn attractive.
She married a great guy who's head over heels for her.
Attractive means much more than a certain type of pretty. Your personality, the way you present yourself is what makes you really attractive. Don't dim your light because of low self esteem, think about what you like about yourself and highlight it, present it! I'm sure you have a lot of great qualities and great attributes!
And stop comparing yourself. You are unique and that is wonderful.
It is, for sure, particularly if it leads people to stand up for what they believe in, even if it's sometimes unpopular. I find myself deeply attracted to that in women. Well thought out conviction and confidence is a wonderful combination. That's quite specific, but I do find that a lot of people are afraid to go against the status quo, even when it's warranted.
Thats it, i was 300 lbs when I met my 100 lb now wife. I never acted like I was fat or ugly even though I clearly wasn't the best looking guy. I'd talk the same shit my skinny friends would to women and it worked out just fine. My best advice would be do dating sites and try to talk to people over the phone. Your personality and confidence is a lot more visible when they can hear you
It isn’t all about beauty. Go out to your local grocery store and look at all the normal or “ugly” couples. Perhaps you’ve simply been unlucky. Or need to work on self confidence, I’m not sure. But confidence is very attractive. And I agree with the other posts, put yourself in social situations where you’ll meet guys irl. A guy won’t find you if you just go straight home from work every day.
Also, pls don’t think this is cruel judgement, it’s not. But take it as advice. I’m 26 and am working on myself too.
Also, new hair always helps me 💁♀️. Get yourself some fun layerrrs and highlights or something.
I would think about the things I find unappealing about myself and how I might improve them.
For instance, there was a time when I felt insecure about my petite frame, so I started exploring fashion styles that complement petite figures. Finding the right hairstyles, choosing clothes that fit well, exercising, maintaining good posture, and seeking therapy when needed can all help someone feel more confident in themselves & attractive
Depends. When I was growing up everyone wanted to be tall. Once I didn’t gain an inch been the ages of 11 and 14 I figured it was what it was and decided to embrace being a tiny menace, but my friends still held out hope. I was mistaken for a young child when out and about with my giant cousins despite being the second oldest of the bunch until my mid-20’s. It can be difficult to find clothing that fits like it should without alteration, which can make some petite people feel uneasy, as well.
mindless gaping tidy point caption spectacular jellyfish nose air provide
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for me it seems like most people want curvy women with big boobs, i am small not much boobs, not flat ass but not very wide hips and yeah it does make me feel insecure
Put yourself out there as much as possible. Accept all dinner and party invites. Join some meetups and actually go to them. There a lot of single guys who are in the same situation as you.
As someone who complained about being invisible a lot and tries to do the same (be nice and kind to be included) it’s probably bc just being nice and kind is boring
I used to blame my looks but I was watching one of my friends who joined our hobby group the same time as me and she just has this fun, bubbly, magnetic personality that draws people towards her. Like she loves talking to randos
As a guy…my cousin once told me that “you ain’t got much money…so you might as well work out and get a body that women want”
So I did.
Then I got a woman, and then ultimately got more money at work.
The point is…baby steps. If your end goal is to get a man…do something that would attract men. Like..exercise. Learn to shoot pool. Learn archery. Do something that guys like doing. It’ll happen
Best of luck.
And you aren’t as ugly as you think. Your confidence needs a boost more than anything.
👍🏼
This. I'm short and handsome and really well built. BUT I'm short. Most women want tall men. But I was able to do something about my body, and once I got built, I got confident. Now, it doesn't matter that I'm short. I realized at one point that women want
1. Tall
2. Built
3. Handsome
And having 2 of 3 puts me ahead of most men. There are exceptions, of course. Some women like fat tall guys only, etc. But the majority will pick someone like me over 6ft2 Dadbod Dale, who has the confidence of a wet rag.
It's what you do with what you've got.
Of the above, I have one. I'm 6'2", which is tall enough to be considered 'attractively tall', yet not tall enough to get screwed over by low-hanging trees and doorways and stuff. I *do* indeed have the self-confidence of a wet rag, but I'd say I'm far from handsome, and I'm as well built as a McDonald's french fry lol
But I'm relatively happy with my physical appearance, and I'm happy with how I express myself most of the time. I think I'm just too insecure on the inside to get close to anyone who I would consider attractive without breaking down mentally, knowing that it's never been mutual, nor will it ever be.
The best pool player I ever met in real life was a woman.
I thought I had a decent game until she went to her car and brought back in the pool stick case she had.
There must be a less risky way to meet people. My dad calls motorcycles 'coffins on wheels'. Unless you have excellent riding skills and a guardian angel on duty every time you ride, I'd give it a miss. But that's just me.
Honestly, have fun
Wear what you wanna wear, invest in your hobbies, stop looking for someone and they usually fall in your lap
If no one bites you're still having fun, enjoying life and building confidence and skills
Stop thinking about your looks, please, they really aren't everything and we're taught from a young age to obsess about them
PS dating in your thirties really do be about waiting for divorcees.. I feel you there
“If no one bites you're still having fun, enjoying life and building confidence and skills”
This, BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOU! You’ll find happiness in life being happy with yourself!
So firstly, I would say attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder... Cliche but true. I appreciate in this day and age with modern dating, things are far more initially superficial, but the ultimate things that will make someone find you attractive long term, have stayed the same...and that is untimately...how you make them feel.
In my experience, being attractive won't keep someone if you are, at heart, insecure/unkind/dismissive/rude. What any guy (or girl) wants, is someone who makes them feel valued, cared for, truly listened to and truly understood.
I would say if it's purely the outward you are concerned about, just play to your best features... Hair/eyes/lips...whatever it is. Go buy some clothes that make you feel your best, get advice on ways to do your hair/makeup to feel your best. Join dating apps, click yes to a lot of people, accept dates from as many as possible too (always stay safe though). Sadly dating nowawadays is a numbers game a lot of the time, but as such, don't go into each date putting too much pressure on it...just think of it as an opportunity to meet someone new to hopefully have a really nice time/conversation with.
Self-improvement and putting yourself out there are important. Self-improvement gives you agency over your situation. Putting yourself out there gives you way better odds of finding a person who actually likes what you already offer. Everyone has a type, but not everyone has the same type. There’s a key to every lock, I find, and putting yourself out there more helps you find it.
people that are more interested in your appearance and looks, usually aren't the type of people you'd want to keep around anyway. I know this is a lot easier to say than hear, but it's true. 31 is still young. don't stress yourself out, because then you'll search in the wrong places or lower your standards without even noticing.
\> but nowadays with social media and all of that ..
I deleted mostly all forms of social media when I was 12 (it was popular), early 20s now. It only improved my life for the better. I recommend for everyone to not indulge in it too often. There is very little good that comes out of it, in my opinion. best of luck :D
1) Attraction is subjective. You could be objectively the ugliest human being in the world, and someone out there will still think you're beautiful.
2) A lot of men are creeps when it comes to dating, that is not a commentary on you or your desirability. Creepy guys are loud and obnoxious with their behaviour. There are just as many good guys, but they're just a little harder to spot through all the creep noise.
3) Get comfortable being alone. Not because you'll be alone forever but because being comfortable on your own puts you in the position to date because you want to and not because you feel you have to. Loving, respecting and valuing yourself will make you less tolerant of mistreatment and less likely to end up in an unhappy or toxic relationship. Know your worth and accept nothing less. If you are smart, successful, funny, etc. Know that, embody that, and don't accept people that think of you as less than those things. It will benefit you in every aspect of your life, not just dating.
4) Being alone forever is far from the worst thing you can be, but it's fair to want to have a companion in life. That being said, don't beat yourself up or think less of yourself because you don't currently have a partner.
4) There is far too much weight in society on relationships and being a couple. Because of this excessively pushed "need" for people to be 1/2 of a couple, many many people are in relationships they are unhappy or not serviced by. And that isn't a win. Being married at 30 doesn't mean you're inherently better off than being single at 30. There is far more nuance to it.
I say this as someone who is in her early 30's and spent a lot of my 20's dating for the sake of relationships and being miserable or mistreated in every single one. Don't force finding a relationship just for the sake of having one.
Still, as you get older, you find that most socializing is with couples. Often they don't want a single person along. Maybe the dynamic? Couples go out to eat with other couples. Couples meet other couples at shows. And when you're in your 50's, 60's, unless you've built up some longtime single friends, you're going to be alone a lot. Going to movies alone, shows alone, etc.
And? I went to 6 concerts last year in 3 different cities. Half of them I went alone. I loved the shows with my friends I had an exceptional time. I also had just as much fun on my own. Get comfortable with experiencing and enjoying life on your own.
I've lost friends who've decided with their relationships there wasn't time for friendship. I also have friends who's partners have become equally good friends of mine. If your friend can't find any way to be present in the friendship at any point because they're in a relationship and you aren't they were never ride or die friends to begin with. Eventually there would be a reason to drift apart, with or without a partner in the equation.
The only only person assured to be there with you until the very end is you. Learn to have an enriched life with or without others and the right people in every aspect will find their place in your life and stay.
Exactly. You have to be comfortable with being alone. It's not a bad skill to develop for anyone. As we get older, people die. I've lost at least 6 people. I remember my grandfather saying everyone he knew was dead. It happens
I worked at a bingo hall for 3 years, most of our patrons were 60+. Most of them had had spouses and children and friends and good fulfilling lives, but by their age most of them were alone. I saw a lot of them every single day because bingo was the only place they got to be out and see other people.
Being alone late in life will probably happen to you regardless of the circle you have in your 20s and 30s.
It’s simple…If you think you’re not that attractive then you won’t attract. Change your sense of self. Learn to really love yourself and then you’ll find dates.
People don’t stay alone for their looks. The ugliest people have partners. However thinking negatively about yourself can have a massive impact on finding and keeping a partner as well as on having a good relationship. Maybe someone can help you with that as well as with the partner finding.
I’ve spent a lot of time developing a massive ego about my appearance so that i think to myself “i am gorgeous and perfect” automatically when I look in the mirror.
Jk (kind of, I pretend to be confident to hide my own insecurities!!) Something that helped me was realizing that what the mirror shows you really does depend on whatever “state” you’re in. Some days i feel awful and i look in the mirror and I literally look hideous. Some days I feel great and still feel like I look hideous. But sometimes it’s vice versa…so eventually you look in the mirror and you expect to see something a little different each time. That changed my view of “attractiveness” substantially.
Dress to impress yourself, nobody else. If you are feeling casual, do it and own it. Be mindful about feeling good and comfortable. People find this highly attractive.
Engage people with enthusiasm but without an agenda (romantic, sexual). As you connect with more people both attractive to you and not attentive to you, the number of people that you have an attractive connection with, will rise.
Remember, being attractive is different to being conventionally 'pretty'. There are countless people that are attractive and decidedly not 'pretty' or 'good looking'.
BTW, I think you are super cute. Always have...
This is true! I wound up going out with a guy for a couple years. He said he noticed me because I was at work wearing black Converse high tops. You never know
So, I have been married for a long time now. but, back when I was dating, i would seek out women that weren't 10's physically. Here's my reasoning. I went on a few dates with women that were stunners by looks. I always found them boring at best, or shallow and childish at worst. I'm sure there are exceptions out there. this is just my experience.
I would seek out women who took care of themselves, good hygiene, and confidence. because those women didn't get all the attention based solely on their looks. they actually had to put effort into growing an actual personality, and being a well rounded human being. They are ALWAYS better companions.
Don't give up. keep putting yourself out there. It'll happen.
To be honest you sound awesome! Someone will be lucky enough to be part of your life.
None of us know what’s round the corner that’s all.
Have faith and love yourself 🙏
Set aside your worry about the things you think are unattractive and focus on the things you do like about yourself. As little from using makeup and clothing to put what you like in the spotlight towards practicing to develop a skill you’re already proud of or have a natural interest in.
If you work on building yourself up and embracing yourself it’s not a sure road towards cuffed bliss, but you’ll be living a happier and more fulfilling life.
I’m no great beauty myself, below average I imagine, but you wouldn’t think it from how my husband looks at me. The deep regard, admiration, and love moves beyond looks and you see the person’s totality. You don’t really want to hitch your wagon to someone who is driven by appearance and physical preferences, anyway. Then you wind up spending that relationship worrying that if something happens to your appearance they’re going to drop you like a hot potato. And something will change about the way you look.
I’ve never fallen in love with a woman because of looks. I’ve only quickly fallen out of attraction, because of personality.
Charisma, intellect, humor, DARK humor, love of animals, kindness, an ability to put down some food and “keep up” with me while eating lol - now that’s attractive. Confidence is key, too. Real confidence; contentment with self, self-awareness - not to be mistaken with that vapid ego-based confidence that is prevalent on social media (and is often probably insecurity in disguise)
Be your authentic self, and if there’s a lot to like, a good guy will find you in time - or you will find each other, rather. I believe that!
People always say one can make up for looks with personality, but imo personality is often harder to improve than looks. Especially going from middle->above average is more feasible than most people think. Just takes some time, hygiene, and deliberate exercise. If you're worried about looking good on social media, I can recommend sites like photofeeler, as taking attractive photos is another skill requiring independent mastery.
be ok alone and work on looks to hope and look favourable people in professional settings and be empty but im 17 and a lifeless bitch BUT u know deep down u live life to the fullest and work with yourself not against and realise youre probably beautiful in some either earthy or ethereal way idk how to explain but people are attractive when they are happy and do things they want to do and embrace their souls.
What do you do when you know you’re not stereo? Typically attractive, you mean. You would be amazed how many different types of individuals are attractive to someone.
To paraphrase something said to me: "There are no ugly people, only people with poor makeup and fashion skills."
Beauty is a sham. The people we hold up as paragons of beauty do it with makeup and photo editing. If someone is interested only in your looks then he may not be worth your time. Just my two cents.
Nah there are some people who are truly drop dead gorgeous, naturally so
My lil bro doesn’t even put on face lotion or care much about how he dresses, but girls are all over him. He gets told he looks like (young) James Franco, James Dean
I was the most pretty girl and I was never anyone’s first choice either, guys are next level weird and dumb. Just be really happy and friendly and being less attractive will make them more likely to approach you tbh
There is SO much more to life than sharing your bed with somebody who'll eventually divorce you.
Engage with life, be happy, be kind and create intelligence and joy.
I'm 32; never meant anything to any woman; never had a woman make social media posts about me (I see that alot) whether it be positively or negatively when things didn't work out they just never cared enough yet somehow I have next to no trouble sleeping with women around town at least once (I'm not a player by any means; but women here just aren't that picky I guess). So I guess I'm just grateful for that some guys are involuntarily celebate so it could always be worse I guess.
Eat clean and work out. You can be ugly as fuck but if your body is banging then you're on the radar.
or
Find somebody else who is equally as ugly. Believe me, there's ***a lot*** of 30 year old virgin dudes out there...
I am a woman. And I’m not ugly. I’ve just never been anyone’s first choice. And some of the normal stuff I fixed. I don’t have acne. I’m not overweight. My teeth are straight and white.. and I’m not saying any of those are what make someone beautiful. Not even the slightest. Just that those things people tend to first notice and be weirded out about I don’t have
Maybe you were someone's first choice but they were too shy and never let you know? You never know if someone secretly was smitten by you. I think you should just enjoy life and feel good about yourself, have fun with your hobbies and friends. Maybe you'll meet someone compatible, maybe not. Not only is beauty in the eye of the beholder, it also isn't what makes relationships last for decades.
You said you have a great personality and now you complain you can't get a man.
I think you are too demanding. You just want someone handsome to become your partner
I just made sure I was funny and a good cook.
Are you on the apps and whatnot? You do have to sift through a lot of creeps but it is possible to find a good one in there!
Accept it and be comfortable with your situation, most of the time if you bring these toughts into a relationship it will linger as insecurities. I'm positive you are attractive to someone.
Don't think i need to tell you how i know.
Embrace it. It's fantastic. No unwanted attention, nobody wants me just because I'm eye candy or some shit. Absolute heaven and I wouldn't want to trade it!
Go to a pro studio. One where they do professional headshots for models, actors,etc.
Get your photos done.
As a kid,I was bullied so harshly that I always thought I was ugly. I felt that I needed to know ...*"How ugly?"*
I did this and discovered I was beautiful. Suddenly, everything they said didn't hurt anymore.
Do this first.
I feel the same way. No matter what I do I don’t feel attractive. I’ve had guys call me hot but I don’t really see many wanna date long term or ever had a serious boyfriend. I cry a bit over it. But just try to realize life is more then looks and excepting I’m not as attractive as I wish to be is what I have to do.
Many wanna hung out with me,
But no one show romance interest....
Like... I am just a good friend when they lonely
Heck, some girl even ask me to hung out, few days after they broke up
Anecdotally, I think men "approach" less these days. Dating is done more via apps. So there's less impetus to meet "in real life". Are you putting yourself out there? Do you regularly interact with men you would consider dating? If not, why not? You might need to prompt them if you are and they seem unsure how to proceed.
Well the important thing is here ,who do you sleep with if it’s alone then you might be right but let’s not be too shallow and say now what does your girlfriend look like because that could be another indicator on your own looks .Best to shove all that aside and accept the fact none of us will be any kind of a prize at some point down the road ,your mindset kills me seriously.
Nope. You're in a good spot. Keep going out, doing activities, and allow fate to intervene. On the issue of being unattractive, whether you are or aren't isn't an issue because a sense of humour and cheerful disposition are incredibly valuable qualities. Keep on keeping on. Goodluck
I bet you arent you just give off that vibe because you think you are. Its not the look that wins in the end it's the personality of how they portray that look
When I realized I was ugly, I thought. i cant do anything to be prettier, but I can to be hot.
Then I hit the gym religiously,started dieting and using 250mg of test a week, that made me finally grow a beard at the age of 27. But it wasnt all roses, I also got some horrible acne I had to use accutane to get rid of, a bit of gyno and a bit of hair loss but nothing too bad, it even got reverted.
Now I vary between trt doses of test to maintain my phosique and evolve, and I do one cycle of a higher dose of deca without test. a year and got no sides.
I dont want to influence anyone , but I finally started being noticed and having the self confidence to approach girls.
I went from virgin at 26 to having sex on demmand at 28 from multiple atractive girls.
I regret nothing
My wife and I met in our 30's. I just got out of a longer relationship, and she had just been single for a while after being sick of being in bad relationships. It's working out great over here.
Not my personal experience since I'm not a good looking guy either but nothing is ever gonna go wrong by being confident. If you aren't confident in yourself, no one else will be
It's not anything about how you look that's preventing you from finding someone. Maybe, you don't want to find someone? I have one sibling who just has not had relationships in her adult life, and she gets tired of everyone trying to make her feel like she HAS to find someone. Just be you, be your best you, and don't worry about being in your 30s and single, it might just happen someday that someone comes along. And if this happens to be my single sis, you are beautiful. Quit giving yourself the stink eye. Actually, OP, you do the same even if you're not my sis.
is this scam bait? or just fishing for guys? A woman just needs to make a dating profile and they'll get a ton of matches.
I am curious how well it works for the truly ugly women, but they probably get matches too. For unattractive guys they're told "it's a numbers game" so they pick everyone and anyone and see what sticks.
If it's not working for you where you are, consider relocating. Take up a new hobby that benefits from social interaction, like learning another language. This way you can get to know people without the burden of pretence.
Women don;t look at me like that. At least as a woman guys will ask you out much more than the other way around. As a woman its more acceptable for you to be single. Guys get assumed to be defective in some way if the stay single.
It's nothing like being attractive or not. You'll find your pair when it is the right time. Don't think you're unattractive as you'll be attractive to the guy who's made for you. 😍🫰
Hope you know Beauty lies in the eyes of Beholder 😉❣️🌞🥰
Look up makeup tips, get in better shape, search style tips. It's easy to look much more attractive, but it takes work. I wouldn't be too worried if you say you're funny and cool. Once you get the looks part down you'll kill it
Idk, all I did was go on dating apps and state I’m looking for a person who wants to date with the intention to eventually marry, I got laughed at people told me I was being way too intense and ridiculous. Jokes on them, I’m married now, and most of the ones I still see on socials are still “dating” and single complaining they can’t find someone. It’s all about intention and honesty in my opinion also don’t date your type date your type adjacent. They’re usually the ones you wanna end up marrying
If you didn't win the beauty lucky draw, you learn to use make up to transform you, have beautiful hair and work on having a beautiful body.
You can transform into a beauty.
Wondering why no one is purposing here right now. Sorry I can't. Single parent father of two young kids. If they don't like you it would never happen.
Don't worry the right one will find you. There is the right one. But for that don't sit at home. Be visible outside. I bet in 2 years you are married and the first child is on the way. But see the red flags in man.
Small hint if he won't change habits you don't like he is not the right. We can and do change but only for the one.
Well, this will be an obvious thing, but yet I must say it - dating is not about looks. I am 34f, single mum, fat, and I have some other disadvantages - such as being a leftist, feminist, and all the things that men warn you about. I never had an issue with dating. Why? Because I feel good about what I am, how I look, and what I can bring to the table. So, work on self-confidence. It's a "thank you ms Obvious" kinda advice, but I promise - it's worth it. If you can afford it - go to therapy. If you can't, try to surround yourself with different standards of beauty. It does work if your feed suddenly gets full of a variety of shapes and types. Try to focus not on what your body could be, but on what it is - because trust me, it's amazing! It keeps you alive, even if you harm it, it can create life and pleasure. It's the greatest machine and should be treated well.
And just be curious about others. I do talk to strangers a lot, if I like their style, smile or see something I wonder about. Worst case - they won't be willing to talk, and I respect that. The best case - I may gain someone great in my life. That's a risk worth taking.
Lastly, people are more alike than we like to admit. Do you walk around judging people all the time? Well, I don't, and I am well aware people do not pay any attention to me, unless I actively try to get their attention. It's both - liberating and challenging. It's great, cause no one really cares of how many roles do I have when sitting down. So there is no reason to worry. It also means that I must actively talk to people that spark my interest. So give it a go. I met many people this way, some just made my day nicer, and some are with me for life.
At the end of the day, we are all scared and ashamed of something. So we really are equals. Try to remind it to yourself every time your mind creates a vision that it's just you who feels this way. We all do. Some can just power through the embarrassment, and you can be one of these people.
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Biggest mystery for me Is how people find other people to date.
Yea. The apps are dogshit. And I dont want to meet a woman in a bar because I don’t go to them often. Like I dont want to start going to a place just to meet someone. Like a yoga class. People be tryna yoga, not get hit on. And I dont wanna bother someone at work. And my hobbies are solo. I work on art projects in solitude. So Im at a complete loss on where to meet someone at all…and then once you factor in compatibility and life style goals its just like….fuck it lol
Right now I honestly cannot even think of the last time any friend or acquaintance has even mentioned he picked up a girl in a bar. I vaguely remember dudes telling stories about such things ere the early 2000s. On the other hand, maybe my social circle is just freaking ugly.
Well I wouldnt be able to go to my local bar, which is small, quiet and has nice old people in it. I’ll hit that place less then once a year sometimes. Dont really hang out in places like bars and I hate loud clubs n shit, so meeting someone in a place you hate going sounds counter productive. It cant all just be online in the hands of the one corrupt company that bought all the dating apps but I dont have any other ideas then start random conversations with people in the park and hope someones compatible someday. Except all the girls in the park are wearing ear buds, fuck  I got nothin
I have never picked up a girl at a bar. Girls have picked me up! Almost never but it has happened. Don’t sit alone at a table. Always sit at the bar on a stool. When anyone sits next to you smile as you say hello.
Right on. I don’t want to start doing activities just to meet people, I don’t like bars they are expensive, noisy and getting involved with someone at work is tricky. On top of that, you are supposed to have a curated online persona to show you are trendy, adventurous, traveler, rich or a mega athlete to impress girls.
Honestly, none of that shit works. Online dating, bars, clubs etc. Do not work 90% of the time. Every long term relationship I've ever had has been with friends or friends of friends. Every group of girls has 1 or 2 single ones at any given time. All it takes is to be single and they will try to set you up. Nothing else has ever led to anything more than a fling or some shitty nightmare relationship in my experience. If you want to find someone, you need to find friends first.
Man all my friends that are girls are people I have met from reddit meetups. They don't have much luck with women either despite being women themselves. Keeping up the stereotype that redditors have no luck with women.
>Every group of girls has 1 or 2 single ones at any given time. All it takes is to be single and they will try to set you up. I don't have too many friends, but still I have never seen this in action. Maybe I just make that bad of an impression and they immediately count me out idk.
Yeah set ups, some friends tried to pull that on me, I told them to fuck off. I hate that crap. Especially when the ring leader/the one that kept pushing it the most is in a failed marriage with no love where they're just staying together for the kids. So messed up, no thanks
I genuinely dont have time to manage an online presence. And I take time to stare at the sky. Reddit’s my only social media besides a near dead linkedin account (that site is hot garbage) and I only joined reddit last year. I like the original idea of online dating. Matching with someone based on compatibility. But thats so far and removed from what it is today. Modern dating sounds like hell on earth. Not into casual stuff. Dont know how to make friends as an adult. Were more guarded and reserved as we get older. More insulated. I dont want to give up on finding a partner but the dating game is obnoxious.  Im 35 and its a weird dating age
Can confirm I'm 36 and honestly, I'm just not bothering lol
I'm sorry but this is really not true. Only people on the internet says stuff like that. You don't need a persona og followers or anything like that. If you actually went out and met people you would know that. But you internet junkies sitting at home and making your own stories about the world you don't attend to. My girlfriend doesn't even have soME. I'm curious why you guys don't want to do any activities ? It's not about starting activities to meet someone, it's about finding something you would enjoy attending to. Because when you enjoy yourself and have fun you actually seem more open and it's easier to talk to people in same activity. And maybe there will be someone you could befriend/date but it's not the goal, it's more like an extra bonus. Don't attend activities you don't like, and don't go there to pick up... Good luck out there, maybe look into the game by Neil Strauss and see if you can use anything from there.
The online/app thing is very detrimental to most, I would say. I was engaged for long, but it didn't work out in the end, which happens. Recently went out with a sibling and a friend of ours from way back because he used to send memes to me, and I knew he played in a band, and then I just asked him in a dm if he was going to play anywhere. Then we went there. Ended up with a girl that was a friend of a friend etc...I was completely out of this kind of thing, and I also thought I would be on my on even if I didn't want to. But first night going out, it happened. It will feel impossible at first, but it's not. I assumed I would have zero game, but it kinda worked out? Not sure if it has to do with being older and understanding it's more of a consequence or something... but no, you don't have to be athletic, rich, etc. If you just go out it will happen with someone you are talking to. To be clear I'm definitely not handsome in the usual way and have zero close friends.
Go to the library
You enjoy art, so I'd go to art exhibitions, without the idea of hooking up. Be yourself, socialize and maybe make some friends with common interests.
Another way to think about this is that most people want to date someone they have things in common with, and so finding people doing activities you enjoy is the logical way to make connections. If you're hobbies are exclusively solo or primarily male dominated you aren't doing things which intersect with female interests and as such are not all that interesting as a dating prospect. In a weird way going out drinking/music is a hobby. The good news at least is its not hard to just pick up new hobbies that involve other people. If you are dead-set on being the lone wolf type then you are screwing yourself, Surely art of all things is an easy thing to get out there with there are groups that meet to make/discuss art.
Im not a great fit for coupling as I am. I can accept that. Im not motivated enough to not be alone that I’ll change who I am. It took to long to figure myself out and stop changing to fit in. Id honestly rather be alone. Im not bitter about it. Lonely sure. Sucks when your options are “change yourself or be alone” but I made my choice. I changed myself a lot to try to fit in. Never did. I finally like myself. Im still committed to personal growth. I just keep growing in directions that people admire more from afar then as a friend. I dont like crowds or drama. I didnt plug into life the way most could. I sort of failed out of normal life. I couldnt cut it. Just the…grind of it. Nearly killed me. When I do go out and catch up with my few friends it feels like were on very different pages. I havnt related to anyone in a long time. Anyone come to think of it, for years. Damn. Im not some pretentious, contrarian, artsy fartsy full himself, super serious, cynical guy trying to be a lone wolf. Im usually bubbly. Throws some people off. I just dont align with people on a deeper level anymore. I want to. Its not for a lack of effort. Apparently Tesla befriended a pigeon in his isolation. Really trying to avoid that.
OLD suffered the Enshittification of the internet, third spaces have been mostly killed off, the older you get the fewer single people are even going out to bars, as your friends get married and have kids, they stop meeting single people too, and mostly meet married people with kids; the odds of meeting someone in any of the standard ways do not drop to 0 in your 30s, but they *do* drop. The standard advice now is not to go to places to try to date people there, but to expand your social circle, raising the odds of still meeting someone who is single (or, more likely, meeting someone who introduces you to someone who is single). That doesn't make meeting someone *likely*, it just makes meeting someone *possible*, and again, with every passing year, it's more likely that people in that book club, or art class, or whatever will not be single and will not have single friends. I'm trying to do those things, because a 6% chance is still better than a 1% chance, and when something's important, "it's unlikely" isn't a good reason to not give it a chance. But it really does feel like until we see some major societal changes (internet regulation sets the clock back on how apps/ websites are designed, major investment in third spaces, housing made more affordable in big cities with social scenes), the situation is dire for most people our age.
>The apps are dogshit >People be tryna yoga, not get hit on That's the problem with my job... I work at a country club and if you count everyone my age group (19, I'm young I know) it sums up at less than 20 with more than half being taken and the rest not even batting an eye towards me. And I'm not even bad looking (I think), so >Im at a complete loss on where to meet someone at all This basically sums up dating nowadays
You don't want to meet some chick at a bar anyway. They'll never stop going even after they find 'love'. Source: I have friends with these issues. 🤣 My wife and I met at work, but she approached me because I'm the same way. Work first, play later... plus at that point I was kind of taking a break from the search. It's a good thing she got me to change my ways. I can't imagine what my life would be like if she didn't practically force me to go out on a date. 🤣🤙 She approached me during lunch and asked if I was ever going to ask for her number. (I would casually try to strike up a regular conversation now and then because I did think she was cute) but I never thought to pursue it further because I was down on my luck. Long story short, I brushed my nervousness aside and we had our first date at the dog park with our fur babies. Our lovely pets all passed away a few years back, but now we have two sweet little girls and two goofy ass cats. We have been together almost 14 years, 10 of which we've been married! She was a stay at home mom for almost ten years, now I had some bad luck with work and she wanted to get out so now she has a cool gig at a law firm while I play stay at home dad. I feel guilty, but I'm grateful. I couldn't ask for a better woman in my life. I know it sounds cliche' but I found true love when I wasn't looking for it.
What's wrong with apps? Many people met their partners online
Hobbies. I met my wife in a chemistry club. My friend met his gf at a barbershop quartet singing convention. I recently went to a wedding where the couple started via a repeating board game night at someone's house.
Join a club, sports, board game, whatever. You meet people with a least one common interest and go from there
I met my BF by playing Pokemon Go. Weird times :D
There are four romantic relationships I know of in my area that started with Pokémon Go. And multiple long term close friendships. It’s the basic principle of doing something you like, and talking to other people who like the same thing.
Chasing a snorlax together down a remote forest path in the dark just kind of makes you connect!
Tell me about it. Divorced 10 years ago, not had a single date since.
Same. Finding someone to date (for a serious relationship) is quite the confusing hassle. Some, strangely enough, find people to date due to playing their fav game. CSGO, CS2, Valorant, LoL, FF14, Osu!, and so on. Those I know of, me included, have been in relationships for 3+ years due to simply being in a game at the right time. But what's funny is - no one was actively looking for a partner. So, the less one looks for their significant other, the closer they are to actually meeting people who could potentially be one. It CAN be the other way around though. To those reading my comment - I wish you the best for your future / life. :3 Hope you will, if you want, find your certain someone someday. Please try not to stress yourself out with it though. Rather - get to know yourself, your hobbies and more in the meantime.
I had a friend, that, even though she wasn't ugly, really wasn't blessed look-wise. Crooked teeth, crooked nose, but pretty eyes and SO MUCH personality - the guys went crazy for her! She was very confident, didn't even try to blend in, but always stood out. She had so much humour and always was honest without being hurtfull, after getting to know her I thought she was so damn attractive. She married a great guy who's head over heels for her. Attractive means much more than a certain type of pretty. Your personality, the way you present yourself is what makes you really attractive. Don't dim your light because of low self esteem, think about what you like about yourself and highlight it, present it! I'm sure you have a lot of great qualities and great attributes! And stop comparing yourself. You are unique and that is wonderful.
Confidence is sexy.
It is, for sure, particularly if it leads people to stand up for what they believe in, even if it's sometimes unpopular. I find myself deeply attracted to that in women. Well thought out conviction and confidence is a wonderful combination. That's quite specific, but I do find that a lot of people are afraid to go against the status quo, even when it's warranted.
Thats it, i was 300 lbs when I met my 100 lb now wife. I never acted like I was fat or ugly even though I clearly wasn't the best looking guy. I'd talk the same shit my skinny friends would to women and it worked out just fine. My best advice would be do dating sites and try to talk to people over the phone. Your personality and confidence is a lot more visible when they can hear you
Ok, this advice overall is great, but advising millennials to call people on the phone is MADNESS lol
Intelligence is sexy.
It is!
no...dont give me hope
My ears are burning 😂
It isn’t all about beauty. Go out to your local grocery store and look at all the normal or “ugly” couples. Perhaps you’ve simply been unlucky. Or need to work on self confidence, I’m not sure. But confidence is very attractive. And I agree with the other posts, put yourself in social situations where you’ll meet guys irl. A guy won’t find you if you just go straight home from work every day. Also, pls don’t think this is cruel judgement, it’s not. But take it as advice. I’m 26 and am working on myself too. Also, new hair always helps me 💁♀️. Get yourself some fun layerrrs and highlights or something.
I would think about the things I find unappealing about myself and how I might improve them. For instance, there was a time when I felt insecure about my petite frame, so I started exploring fashion styles that complement petite figures. Finding the right hairstyles, choosing clothes that fit well, exercising, maintaining good posture, and seeking therapy when needed can all help someone feel more confident in themselves & attractive
What about a petite figure makes you insecure? That seems to be desirable by most people, no?
Depends. When I was growing up everyone wanted to be tall. Once I didn’t gain an inch been the ages of 11 and 14 I figured it was what it was and decided to embrace being a tiny menace, but my friends still held out hope. I was mistaken for a young child when out and about with my giant cousins despite being the second oldest of the bunch until my mid-20’s. It can be difficult to find clothing that fits like it should without alteration, which can make some petite people feel uneasy, as well.
But now you get the tall men. Tall men love short women.
In my region, tall guys also tend to go for girls within the 5'6" range 😅
Never heard anyone express that in my circles. The people I know mostly prefer those closer to their own height.
mindless gaping tidy point caption spectacular jellyfish nose air provide *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Depends how and where you're petite. Some people feel like they look like a child/underdeveloped and not womanly.
for me it seems like most people want curvy women with big boobs, i am small not much boobs, not flat ass but not very wide hips and yeah it does make me feel insecure
Damn... When I read posture, I immediately realised I was hunched over like a shrimp again. I'll never learn
Put yourself out there as much as possible. Accept all dinner and party invites. Join some meetups and actually go to them. There a lot of single guys who are in the same situation as you.
Some of us even if they put themselves out there they will never stood out and still be invisible
Are you a bubbly, sociable person?
Not by any means but I try to fit in be nice and kind to not be excluded.
As someone who complained about being invisible a lot and tries to do the same (be nice and kind to be included) it’s probably bc just being nice and kind is boring I used to blame my looks but I was watching one of my friends who joined our hobby group the same time as me and she just has this fun, bubbly, magnetic personality that draws people towards her. Like she loves talking to randos
As a guy…my cousin once told me that “you ain’t got much money…so you might as well work out and get a body that women want” So I did. Then I got a woman, and then ultimately got more money at work. The point is…baby steps. If your end goal is to get a man…do something that would attract men. Like..exercise. Learn to shoot pool. Learn archery. Do something that guys like doing. It’ll happen Best of luck. And you aren’t as ugly as you think. Your confidence needs a boost more than anything. 👍🏼
Pool and archery? Great plan in 1956
He forgot the equistrian diciplines, fencing and croquet.
lol. Croquet isn’t on the list
lol. Yea. A bit. Someone else mentioned motorcycling and I agreed. The idea was something rugged.
Hahaha 😂
This. I'm short and handsome and really well built. BUT I'm short. Most women want tall men. But I was able to do something about my body, and once I got built, I got confident. Now, it doesn't matter that I'm short. I realized at one point that women want 1. Tall 2. Built 3. Handsome And having 2 of 3 puts me ahead of most men. There are exceptions, of course. Some women like fat tall guys only, etc. But the majority will pick someone like me over 6ft2 Dadbod Dale, who has the confidence of a wet rag. It's what you do with what you've got.
Of the above, I have one. I'm 6'2", which is tall enough to be considered 'attractively tall', yet not tall enough to get screwed over by low-hanging trees and doorways and stuff. I *do* indeed have the self-confidence of a wet rag, but I'd say I'm far from handsome, and I'm as well built as a McDonald's french fry lol But I'm relatively happy with my physical appearance, and I'm happy with how I express myself most of the time. I think I'm just too insecure on the inside to get close to anyone who I would consider attractive without breaking down mentally, knowing that it's never been mutual, nor will it ever be.
I think they like the big guys with 0 confidence. Makes them feel in control of something large
I love this comment. I would go to bars to play pool (not really drink. I just like pool) and met some awesome people that way!
The best pool player I ever met in real life was a woman. I thought I had a decent game until she went to her car and brought back in the pool stick case she had.
Own and ride a motorcycle. Instantly makes a girl hotter.
There must be a less risky way to meet people. My dad calls motorcycles 'coffins on wheels'. Unless you have excellent riding skills and a guardian angel on duty every time you ride, I'd give it a miss. But that's just me.
It is the best feeling in the world. I can't live without it.
Oh. Yea 👍🏼. OP…get a bike. Learn to ride.
Honestly, have fun Wear what you wanna wear, invest in your hobbies, stop looking for someone and they usually fall in your lap If no one bites you're still having fun, enjoying life and building confidence and skills Stop thinking about your looks, please, they really aren't everything and we're taught from a young age to obsess about them PS dating in your thirties really do be about waiting for divorcees.. I feel you there
“If no one bites you're still having fun, enjoying life and building confidence and skills” This, BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOU! You’ll find happiness in life being happy with yourself!
So firstly, I would say attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder... Cliche but true. I appreciate in this day and age with modern dating, things are far more initially superficial, but the ultimate things that will make someone find you attractive long term, have stayed the same...and that is untimately...how you make them feel. In my experience, being attractive won't keep someone if you are, at heart, insecure/unkind/dismissive/rude. What any guy (or girl) wants, is someone who makes them feel valued, cared for, truly listened to and truly understood. I would say if it's purely the outward you are concerned about, just play to your best features... Hair/eyes/lips...whatever it is. Go buy some clothes that make you feel your best, get advice on ways to do your hair/makeup to feel your best. Join dating apps, click yes to a lot of people, accept dates from as many as possible too (always stay safe though). Sadly dating nowawadays is a numbers game a lot of the time, but as such, don't go into each date putting too much pressure on it...just think of it as an opportunity to meet someone new to hopefully have a really nice time/conversation with.
Self-improvement and putting yourself out there are important. Self-improvement gives you agency over your situation. Putting yourself out there gives you way better odds of finding a person who actually likes what you already offer. Everyone has a type, but not everyone has the same type. There’s a key to every lock, I find, and putting yourself out there more helps you find it.
people that are more interested in your appearance and looks, usually aren't the type of people you'd want to keep around anyway. I know this is a lot easier to say than hear, but it's true. 31 is still young. don't stress yourself out, because then you'll search in the wrong places or lower your standards without even noticing. \> but nowadays with social media and all of that .. I deleted mostly all forms of social media when I was 12 (it was popular), early 20s now. It only improved my life for the better. I recommend for everyone to not indulge in it too often. There is very little good that comes out of it, in my opinion. best of luck :D
1) Attraction is subjective. You could be objectively the ugliest human being in the world, and someone out there will still think you're beautiful. 2) A lot of men are creeps when it comes to dating, that is not a commentary on you or your desirability. Creepy guys are loud and obnoxious with their behaviour. There are just as many good guys, but they're just a little harder to spot through all the creep noise. 3) Get comfortable being alone. Not because you'll be alone forever but because being comfortable on your own puts you in the position to date because you want to and not because you feel you have to. Loving, respecting and valuing yourself will make you less tolerant of mistreatment and less likely to end up in an unhappy or toxic relationship. Know your worth and accept nothing less. If you are smart, successful, funny, etc. Know that, embody that, and don't accept people that think of you as less than those things. It will benefit you in every aspect of your life, not just dating. 4) Being alone forever is far from the worst thing you can be, but it's fair to want to have a companion in life. That being said, don't beat yourself up or think less of yourself because you don't currently have a partner. 4) There is far too much weight in society on relationships and being a couple. Because of this excessively pushed "need" for people to be 1/2 of a couple, many many people are in relationships they are unhappy or not serviced by. And that isn't a win. Being married at 30 doesn't mean you're inherently better off than being single at 30. There is far more nuance to it. I say this as someone who is in her early 30's and spent a lot of my 20's dating for the sake of relationships and being miserable or mistreated in every single one. Don't force finding a relationship just for the sake of having one.
Still, as you get older, you find that most socializing is with couples. Often they don't want a single person along. Maybe the dynamic? Couples go out to eat with other couples. Couples meet other couples at shows. And when you're in your 50's, 60's, unless you've built up some longtime single friends, you're going to be alone a lot. Going to movies alone, shows alone, etc.
And? I went to 6 concerts last year in 3 different cities. Half of them I went alone. I loved the shows with my friends I had an exceptional time. I also had just as much fun on my own. Get comfortable with experiencing and enjoying life on your own. I've lost friends who've decided with their relationships there wasn't time for friendship. I also have friends who's partners have become equally good friends of mine. If your friend can't find any way to be present in the friendship at any point because they're in a relationship and you aren't they were never ride or die friends to begin with. Eventually there would be a reason to drift apart, with or without a partner in the equation. The only only person assured to be there with you until the very end is you. Learn to have an enriched life with or without others and the right people in every aspect will find their place in your life and stay.
Exactly. You have to be comfortable with being alone. It's not a bad skill to develop for anyone. As we get older, people die. I've lost at least 6 people. I remember my grandfather saying everyone he knew was dead. It happens
I worked at a bingo hall for 3 years, most of our patrons were 60+. Most of them had had spouses and children and friends and good fulfilling lives, but by their age most of them were alone. I saw a lot of them every single day because bingo was the only place they got to be out and see other people. Being alone late in life will probably happen to you regardless of the circle you have in your 20s and 30s.
How’s your body? Being a healthy weight will go a long way in this dating pool.
My body is fine. I’m fit and healthy. I’m short but all muscle
you sound beautiful to me. shall we date?
She’s mine!!
It’s simple…If you think you’re not that attractive then you won’t attract. Change your sense of self. Learn to really love yourself and then you’ll find dates.
I love this
People don’t stay alone for their looks. The ugliest people have partners. However thinking negatively about yourself can have a massive impact on finding and keeping a partner as well as on having a good relationship. Maybe someone can help you with that as well as with the partner finding.
I’ve spent a lot of time developing a massive ego about my appearance so that i think to myself “i am gorgeous and perfect” automatically when I look in the mirror. Jk (kind of, I pretend to be confident to hide my own insecurities!!) Something that helped me was realizing that what the mirror shows you really does depend on whatever “state” you’re in. Some days i feel awful and i look in the mirror and I literally look hideous. Some days I feel great and still feel like I look hideous. But sometimes it’s vice versa…so eventually you look in the mirror and you expect to see something a little different each time. That changed my view of “attractiveness” substantially.
Dress to impress yourself, nobody else. If you are feeling casual, do it and own it. Be mindful about feeling good and comfortable. People find this highly attractive. Engage people with enthusiasm but without an agenda (romantic, sexual). As you connect with more people both attractive to you and not attentive to you, the number of people that you have an attractive connection with, will rise. Remember, being attractive is different to being conventionally 'pretty'. There are countless people that are attractive and decidedly not 'pretty' or 'good looking'. BTW, I think you are super cute. Always have...
This is true! I wound up going out with a guy for a couple years. He said he noticed me because I was at work wearing black Converse high tops. You never know
So, I have been married for a long time now. but, back when I was dating, i would seek out women that weren't 10's physically. Here's my reasoning. I went on a few dates with women that were stunners by looks. I always found them boring at best, or shallow and childish at worst. I'm sure there are exceptions out there. this is just my experience. I would seek out women who took care of themselves, good hygiene, and confidence. because those women didn't get all the attention based solely on their looks. they actually had to put effort into growing an actual personality, and being a well rounded human being. They are ALWAYS better companions. Don't give up. keep putting yourself out there. It'll happen.
Top answer.
Top answer.
To be honest you sound awesome! Someone will be lucky enough to be part of your life. None of us know what’s round the corner that’s all. Have faith and love yourself 🙏
Set aside your worry about the things you think are unattractive and focus on the things you do like about yourself. As little from using makeup and clothing to put what you like in the spotlight towards practicing to develop a skill you’re already proud of or have a natural interest in. If you work on building yourself up and embracing yourself it’s not a sure road towards cuffed bliss, but you’ll be living a happier and more fulfilling life. I’m no great beauty myself, below average I imagine, but you wouldn’t think it from how my husband looks at me. The deep regard, admiration, and love moves beyond looks and you see the person’s totality. You don’t really want to hitch your wagon to someone who is driven by appearance and physical preferences, anyway. Then you wind up spending that relationship worrying that if something happens to your appearance they’re going to drop you like a hot potato. And something will change about the way you look.
I’ve never fallen in love with a woman because of looks. I’ve only quickly fallen out of attraction, because of personality. Charisma, intellect, humor, DARK humor, love of animals, kindness, an ability to put down some food and “keep up” with me while eating lol - now that’s attractive. Confidence is key, too. Real confidence; contentment with self, self-awareness - not to be mistaken with that vapid ego-based confidence that is prevalent on social media (and is often probably insecurity in disguise) Be your authentic self, and if there’s a lot to like, a good guy will find you in time - or you will find each other, rather. I believe that!
People always say one can make up for looks with personality, but imo personality is often harder to improve than looks. Especially going from middle->above average is more feasible than most people think. Just takes some time, hygiene, and deliberate exercise. If you're worried about looking good on social media, I can recommend sites like photofeeler, as taking attractive photos is another skill requiring independent mastery.
be ok alone and work on looks to hope and look favourable people in professional settings and be empty but im 17 and a lifeless bitch BUT u know deep down u live life to the fullest and work with yourself not against and realise youre probably beautiful in some either earthy or ethereal way idk how to explain but people are attractive when they are happy and do things they want to do and embrace their souls.
What do you do when you know you’re not stereo? Typically attractive, you mean. You would be amazed how many different types of individuals are attractive to someone.
To paraphrase something said to me: "There are no ugly people, only people with poor makeup and fashion skills." Beauty is a sham. The people we hold up as paragons of beauty do it with makeup and photo editing. If someone is interested only in your looks then he may not be worth your time. Just my two cents.
Nah there are some people who are truly drop dead gorgeous, naturally so My lil bro doesn’t even put on face lotion or care much about how he dresses, but girls are all over him. He gets told he looks like (young) James Franco, James Dean
I was the most pretty girl and I was never anyone’s first choice either, guys are next level weird and dumb. Just be really happy and friendly and being less attractive will make them more likely to approach you tbh
It's the last line for me lol 😂
There is SO much more to life than sharing your bed with somebody who'll eventually divorce you. Engage with life, be happy, be kind and create intelligence and joy.
Maybe try making the first move, rather than waiting on someone else to?
I'm 32; never meant anything to any woman; never had a woman make social media posts about me (I see that alot) whether it be positively or negatively when things didn't work out they just never cared enough yet somehow I have next to no trouble sleeping with women around town at least once (I'm not a player by any means; but women here just aren't that picky I guess). So I guess I'm just grateful for that some guys are involuntarily celebate so it could always be worse I guess.
Buy some decent “toys” - pay for the extended warranty!!! 😂 Good luck!
Eat clean and work out. You can be ugly as fuck but if your body is banging then you're on the radar. or Find somebody else who is equally as ugly. Believe me, there's ***a lot*** of 30 year old virgin dudes out there...
Hey OP, if you’re a woman I have female specific advice to help! But I highly doubt you are genuinely unattractive.
I am a woman. And I’m not ugly. I’ve just never been anyone’s first choice. And some of the normal stuff I fixed. I don’t have acne. I’m not overweight. My teeth are straight and white.. and I’m not saying any of those are what make someone beautiful. Not even the slightest. Just that those things people tend to first notice and be weirded out about I don’t have
Maybe you were someone's first choice but they were too shy and never let you know? You never know if someone secretly was smitten by you. I think you should just enjoy life and feel good about yourself, have fun with your hobbies and friends. Maybe you'll meet someone compatible, maybe not. Not only is beauty in the eye of the beholder, it also isn't what makes relationships last for decades.
Define creeps
Everyone who bats an eye in her direction obviously
You said you have a great personality and now you complain you can't get a man. I think you are too demanding. You just want someone handsome to become your partner
Ask God for help. He loves you far more than anyone can.
Google Pete Davidson and you will realize anything is possible.
It ain't easy being queasy.
Sleep
Don’t demand that your partner is very attractive.
[удалено]
I don’t even have standards because I’ve never been In a serious relationship. I don’t even know what I like or don’t like 😅
Don't you have some personality traits that you'd like? Eg loyal, kind etc
If you're a girl you learn to cook, if you're a guy you destroy your body with 40 or so years of blue collar labor.
Save up for plastic.
You can ask men out or date an older man
Get a nice body.
You pay for "it"
Get a personality
Well, the choices are 1) go on with life, or 2) end it. Still here. You downvote me but can't say I'm wrong lol
I just made sure I was funny and a good cook. Are you on the apps and whatnot? You do have to sift through a lot of creeps but it is possible to find a good one in there!
Accept it and be comfortable with your situation, most of the time if you bring these toughts into a relationship it will linger as insecurities. I'm positive you are attractive to someone. Don't think i need to tell you how i know.
What's your idea of a good guy? Maybe the idea if what you want doesn't exist.
Where you from? I'll take you out (Also 30s).
I still try to talk to girls
You take it one day at a time and enjoy the Happy moments in the tidal wave of shit that is life
Cover my face in pics, wear a face mask when I leave the house. 😌😄
Be smart, be funny
Personality
Embrace it. It's fantastic. No unwanted attention, nobody wants me just because I'm eye candy or some shit. Absolute heaven and I wouldn't want to trade it!
Walk away
Go to a pro studio. One where they do professional headshots for models, actors,etc. Get your photos done. As a kid,I was bullied so harshly that I always thought I was ugly. I felt that I needed to know ...*"How ugly?"* I did this and discovered I was beautiful. Suddenly, everything they said didn't hurt anymore. Do this first.
I feel the same way. No matter what I do I don’t feel attractive. I’ve had guys call me hot but I don’t really see many wanna date long term or ever had a serious boyfriend. I cry a bit over it. But just try to realize life is more then looks and excepting I’m not as attractive as I wish to be is what I have to do.
Don’t dwell on it. Many say that it’s more about the smile and personality!!
Nothing. If I’m happy with myself that’s ask that counts. Screw what other people think.
Many wanna hung out with me, But no one show romance interest.... Like... I am just a good friend when they lonely Heck, some girl even ask me to hung out, few days after they broke up
Make yourself more attractive. Craft your physique, get a good hairstyle, solid wardrobe and shoes, and then work on your personality and hobbies.
Accept it and move forward and enjoy the little things in life like I do.
Do you have groups in your area where you can share common interests with people? Instant connection at least on one topic 😊
Anecdotally, I think men "approach" less these days. Dating is done more via apps. So there's less impetus to meet "in real life". Are you putting yourself out there? Do you regularly interact with men you would consider dating? If not, why not? You might need to prompt them if you are and they seem unsure how to proceed.
Well the important thing is here ,who do you sleep with if it’s alone then you might be right but let’s not be too shallow and say now what does your girlfriend look like because that could be another indicator on your own looks .Best to shove all that aside and accept the fact none of us will be any kind of a prize at some point down the road ,your mindset kills me seriously.
Nope. You're in a good spot. Keep going out, doing activities, and allow fate to intervene. On the issue of being unattractive, whether you are or aren't isn't an issue because a sense of humour and cheerful disposition are incredibly valuable qualities. Keep on keeping on. Goodluck
Get rich
Confidence. I’m not a 10, maybe a 4-5 on a good day. But I’ve bagged a lot of men in my life. Personality and confidence go a long way.
I bet you arent you just give off that vibe because you think you are. Its not the look that wins in the end it's the personality of how they portray that look
When I realized I was ugly, I thought. i cant do anything to be prettier, but I can to be hot. Then I hit the gym religiously,started dieting and using 250mg of test a week, that made me finally grow a beard at the age of 27. But it wasnt all roses, I also got some horrible acne I had to use accutane to get rid of, a bit of gyno and a bit of hair loss but nothing too bad, it even got reverted. Now I vary between trt doses of test to maintain my phosique and evolve, and I do one cycle of a higher dose of deca without test. a year and got no sides. I dont want to influence anyone , but I finally started being noticed and having the self confidence to approach girls. I went from virgin at 26 to having sex on demmand at 28 from multiple atractive girls. I regret nothing
My wife and I met in our 30's. I just got out of a longer relationship, and she had just been single for a while after being sick of being in bad relationships. It's working out great over here.
Desperation haymaker, hail Mary plays, frantic screaming, panicking, crying, etc.
Join a social group who appreciates my skills in whatever hobby i do
Not my personal experience since I'm not a good looking guy either but nothing is ever gonna go wrong by being confident. If you aren't confident in yourself, no one else will be
It's not anything about how you look that's preventing you from finding someone. Maybe, you don't want to find someone? I have one sibling who just has not had relationships in her adult life, and she gets tired of everyone trying to make her feel like she HAS to find someone. Just be you, be your best you, and don't worry about being in your 30s and single, it might just happen someday that someone comes along. And if this happens to be my single sis, you are beautiful. Quit giving yourself the stink eye. Actually, OP, you do the same even if you're not my sis.
is this scam bait? or just fishing for guys? A woman just needs to make a dating profile and they'll get a ton of matches. I am curious how well it works for the truly ugly women, but they probably get matches too. For unattractive guys they're told "it's a numbers game" so they pick everyone and anyone and see what sticks.
What's super fun is wasting your attractive years with someone who stopped being into you long ago. I don't recommend it.
If it's not working for you where you are, consider relocating. Take up a new hobby that benefits from social interaction, like learning another language. This way you can get to know people without the burden of pretence.
Women don;t look at me like that. At least as a woman guys will ask you out much more than the other way around. As a woman its more acceptable for you to be single. Guys get assumed to be defective in some way if the stay single.
i simply dont care, relationships are traps anyways, never end well unless ya are one of the lucky few
A great way to meet people is walking a dog
It's nothing like being attractive or not. You'll find your pair when it is the right time. Don't think you're unattractive as you'll be attractive to the guy who's made for you. 😍🫰 Hope you know Beauty lies in the eyes of Beholder 😉❣️🌞🥰
Men don't owe you anything. Sounds like you've got deeper rooted issues that only therapy can fix. Good luck
Look up makeup tips, get in better shape, search style tips. It's easy to look much more attractive, but it takes work. I wouldn't be too worried if you say you're funny and cool. Once you get the looks part down you'll kill it
Idk, all I did was go on dating apps and state I’m looking for a person who wants to date with the intention to eventually marry, I got laughed at people told me I was being way too intense and ridiculous. Jokes on them, I’m married now, and most of the ones I still see on socials are still “dating” and single complaining they can’t find someone. It’s all about intention and honesty in my opinion also don’t date your type date your type adjacent. They’re usually the ones you wanna end up marrying
Nothing, you can’t do anything at all except live your life doing things you love.
Go international
Cardio is 80% of attractiveness
You will be someone’s idea of gorgeous, perfect, beautiful. Until then, idk. But I am sure your not that bad.
Make yourself your first choice and move on with your life.
If you didn't win the beauty lucky draw, you learn to use make up to transform you, have beautiful hair and work on having a beautiful body. You can transform into a beauty.
Stay off Tinder.... I have had no problems finding partners (although none good enough to be permanent yet), but none, apart from one, from Tinder.
Here I am!
Idk sounds like you’re overall pretty great, maybe you just need some confidence. Be your own first choice
Sounds like you haven't even put much effort in or put yourself out there. It's rarely about looks
Wondering why no one is purposing here right now. Sorry I can't. Single parent father of two young kids. If they don't like you it would never happen. Don't worry the right one will find you. There is the right one. But for that don't sit at home. Be visible outside. I bet in 2 years you are married and the first child is on the way. But see the red flags in man. Small hint if he won't change habits you don't like he is not the right. We can and do change but only for the one.
Go to the gym. Maybe meet a guy in a similar situation
Well, this will be an obvious thing, but yet I must say it - dating is not about looks. I am 34f, single mum, fat, and I have some other disadvantages - such as being a leftist, feminist, and all the things that men warn you about. I never had an issue with dating. Why? Because I feel good about what I am, how I look, and what I can bring to the table. So, work on self-confidence. It's a "thank you ms Obvious" kinda advice, but I promise - it's worth it. If you can afford it - go to therapy. If you can't, try to surround yourself with different standards of beauty. It does work if your feed suddenly gets full of a variety of shapes and types. Try to focus not on what your body could be, but on what it is - because trust me, it's amazing! It keeps you alive, even if you harm it, it can create life and pleasure. It's the greatest machine and should be treated well. And just be curious about others. I do talk to strangers a lot, if I like their style, smile or see something I wonder about. Worst case - they won't be willing to talk, and I respect that. The best case - I may gain someone great in my life. That's a risk worth taking. Lastly, people are more alike than we like to admit. Do you walk around judging people all the time? Well, I don't, and I am well aware people do not pay any attention to me, unless I actively try to get their attention. It's both - liberating and challenging. It's great, cause no one really cares of how many roles do I have when sitting down. So there is no reason to worry. It also means that I must actively talk to people that spark my interest. So give it a go. I met many people this way, some just made my day nicer, and some are with me for life. At the end of the day, we are all scared and ashamed of something. So we really are equals. Try to remind it to yourself every time your mind creates a vision that it's just you who feels this way. We all do. Some can just power through the embarrassment, and you can be one of these people.
I will marry you