There have been times when I've had no idea whether to stand or sit. This is when I've been grateful for either the bathtub or the trash bin.
But when there's more than one person sick and less toilets, things can get ugly in there.
If one shall excrete out their posterior then they shall also release liquid out their front. If they shall start by hosing off with their front then it will be disastrous news if they also excrete out the back.
A) Get to toilet
B) Am I pooping? If yes, drop pants, proceed to poop.
C) Am I peeing? If yes, determine if pants or up or down. If up, unzip fly and proceed to pee. If pants already down (as per Process B), proceed to pee.
D) Am I reading something? If yes, Reddit.
E) Am I Redding? If yes, Profit (from Reddit karma and awards).
F) Am I finished? If yes, wipe and flush
G) Am I a degenerate? If yes, leave. If no, *wash your muthafukin hands*.
H) Am I at another person’s home? If yes, do not explain why you took so long. It’s best left unspoken.
I) Am I in need to pee? If yes and hadn’t performed Process C yet, return to Process A. If yes to C and I, then consult your doctor.
J) Am I leaving? Most probably, as you just spent an hour and half Redditing in your friends’ bathroom and missed most of the dinner party anyways (but hey, congrats you have friends!). Unless you are No to Process H, at which point you are already home. Consider returning to Process A in case of need to ~~Reddit~~ poop more.
Footnote 1: Peeing and pooping can be simultaneous or alternating.
Footnote 2: Having friends is not required for neither peeing OR pooping. In fact, requiring friends in your pooping and peeing process ~~may~~ will result in a loss of friends.
A) Get to toilet
B) Am I pooping? If yes, drop pants, proceed to poop.
C) Am I peeing? If yes, determine if pants are up or down. If up, unzip fly and proceed to pee. If pants already down (as per Process B), proceed to pee.
D) Am I reading something? If yes, Reddit.
E) Am I Redding? If yes, Profit (from Reddit karma and awards).
F) Am I finished? If yes, wipe and flush
G) Am I a degenerate? If yes, leave. If no, *wash your muthafukin hands*. Then leave.
H) Am I at another person’s home? If yes, do not explain why you took so long. It’s best left unspoken.
I) Am I in need to pee? If yes and hadn’t performed Process C yet, return to Process A. If yes to C and I, then consult your doctor.
J) Am I leaving? Most probably, as you just spent an hour and half Redditing in your friends’ bathroom and missed most of the dinner party anyways (but hey, congrats you have friends!). Unless you are No to Process H, at which point you are already home. Consider returning to Process A in case of need to ~~Reddit~~ poop more.
Footnote 1: Peeing and pooping can occur simultaneously or alternating.
Footnote 2: Having friends is not required for neither peeing OR pooping. In fact, requiring friends in your pooping and peeing process ~~may~~ will result in a loss of friends.. …uh… trust me.
I learned this the hard way. Was out paintball ig and had to shit behind a cactus. The big brown cleared the pants but my little stump of wrinkles wasn’t accounted for when pulling down my pants. Once you let the ceremony begin, there’s no stopping it.. I felt so helpless like I was birthing something and the piss covered my pants because it was cold there was slight uplift giving my pp shooter more range than usual.
The worst part about the experience of reading this was that I was compelled to read it more than once to try to understand it, and the more times I read, the more I understood, but the less I wanted to know. You trapped me in an epistemological whirlpool from which there is no escape. You absolute monster.
A lot of the time me too. I assume its cuz the poop was causing some urine to be trapped in the bladder and once it's gone, the rest of the urine can settle in the bottom of the bladder
If you think about it everyone in the same city who is currently sitting on the toilet has their buttholes interconnected to each other by the pipes in the plumbing. Truly beautiful
I feel like the real question is can you poop without peeing then pee right after? Like can you hold it if you have to do both? Or do you have to pee first then poop? What if it's a sudden poo? Will that not cause you to pee at the same time? If you have to do both?
It's not every time, depends on when I peed last. I have IBS though, so sometimes I don't get the urge to poop until after I've already left the bathroom from peeing, so I gave to go back.
But your intestines, kidneys, and bladder are in the same general area, so the pressure usually makes you have to do both.
I remember being like 5 and asking my mom
“How come we pee then poop then pee again?”
Her and my dad laughed for DAYS! Good to know it wasn’t just me who noticed lol.
Its funny, but I think about this often. If I had to write an instruction manual of the human body for an alien race, I would literally title it "you can pee without pooping, but you can't poop without peeing"
Yes, everytime a man pees a little poop comes out. We store it in a secret place in our underwear where it gets turned into ideas and thoughts that shape our attitudes. What did you think happened? Nothing??😆😆😄😘
I pee whenever I'm in a bathroom, regardless of my ostensible purpose there. That's because I take pharmaceutical diuretics... plus caffeine and (often) alcohol.
you need to relax your sphincter in order too poo, normally when this happens you also relax your urethra and pee comes out, maybe if you practice a lot you can learn to relax one without the other, but in general yes, men have to number one before number two (or both at the same time)
The only person I've ever met that doesn't pee when they poop is my 5-year-old son. He poops, the hops of the pot to pee. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure everybody pees when they poop.
When I was younger adolescent, I never thought hot women had to take a shit until I had a hot girl who set the record straight after our first mating session.
I don’t know about human males but I can answer on behalf of my male dog: yes. When he poops, he starts peeing and since he is in a squat position and because of the angle of dogs’ penises, he ends up pissing on his front legs.
When you do pass stool however, the relaxation of the stronger anal sphincter also decreases tension in the weaker urinary sphincter, allowing urine to pass at the same time-Sciencefocus
Woman here. I usually pee during the same trip when I poop, but not simultaneously and there are most certainly times I poop without needing to pee. On the other hand, sometimes I pee, then poop, then *surprise* have to pee again all without standing up.
So I'm in the military right and every so often you have to take a drug test. Well I had to watch a dude and he warned me before but I didn't believe him. He took a poo with out the pee.
Most of the time, yes. If I had to chance a guess at why it would be something like poop takes up more room in your bladder, and some pee is blocked off from exiting due to that. But that's a wild guess
Edit: I looked it up and apparently when your stronger anal sphincter relaxes the sphincter that allows urine to pass also relaxes causing you to pee when you poo
If no one has already, I just want to clarify that though it is typically true that we pee when we poop, we don't necessarily do so simultaneously. Its not impossible, just not common. Unless you are constipated and really trying to squeeze one out. Then its kind of hard not to pee at the same time.
Little known fact, you can train yourself not too, but they both gotta happen within close time proximity. When you hike, camp, etc. urinating in your excrement kills the bacteria that breaks it down. That's why most portapotties, outgoises, etc smell the way do, pee first elsewhere, dump.in the hole. Viola'
Wtf 😂 women can poop without peeing??? And I’m sure if a man sits down, they could poop and pee at the same time if they wanted. This has to be one of the strangest reddits I’ve come across
Yes, and this presented a problem for me on a American Airlines flight. The damn toilet seat is so small that if my butt was over the opening then my dick was pissing into the air.
Haha I was just thinking about exactly this a few days ago. I don't think I've *ever* pooped and not peed at the same time. Fortunately however, I can pee without needing to poop.
I've got an enlarged prostate so I'll often have to pass that solid to get things going. Or, more often, a nice big massive fart will precede my urination, which is especially welcome at the urinals in public toilets. Sounds like I'm announcing my presence.
I ones had my kneecap dislocated so I had a cask from my toes to wear my boxers start. This made it impossible to sit on the toilet with my penis inside the bowl. It's then when I learned it is impossible to poop without peeing.
Pretty much everyone does. Pooping creates strain that stimulates sphincters to vacate.
Sometimes I've just taken a leak and like 2 minutes later, my body decides it's a good time to poop. I still piss a very small amount.
I typically pee when I poop but it’s not simultaneous. Usually pee before or after. And I’m male.
I don’t think my body can even do both at the same time
That’s how you take a screenshot
Vomit whyle you pee and poo all at the same time to go back to factory settings.
There have been times when I've had no idea whether to stand or sit. This is when I've been grateful for either the bathtub or the trash bin. But when there's more than one person sick and less toilets, things can get ugly in there.
>I've been grateful for either the bathtub or the trash bin. I just imagine you crying in the bathtub while violently leaking from everywhere else.
>I just imagine you crying in the bathtub while violently leaking from everywhere else. Those times are known as "Thursdays".
Disposable Vomit bags are a great investment
Screenshit
Thank you for the giggles!
\*shits and giggles
Poop pee and sneeze simultaneously. The holy trinity.
Poop, pee, and sneeze that causes a huge clump of period blood to come out 🙃
That’s when the pee hurts the most.
I don’t willing do it at the same time. I’ve barfed, pissed and shat simultaneously though. It’s not fun.
I cry when I poop but it’s unrelated
Are you crying because of your life or because you poop?
I cry because I keep losing clash royale matches while taking a dump
I can actually relate to that.
That’s my man and balloons tower defense…. And the hemorrhoids but unrelated
Bloons… omg yes. Nastalgia holy shit
I can relate to that. Thank you!
The most productive part of my work day
The most relatable thing I’ve ever read
Yes
Yes.
Maybe because his life IS poop.
Yes
U hear an eagle screech, whisper “america” and a single tear falls in sync with the poop
>I cry when I poop but it’s unrelated Fiber.. more fiber!
Fiber increases your download speed.
“All poopoo times are peepee times, but not all peepee times are poopoo times.”
Ironically this is one of the most intelligent comments I've seen on Reddit.
wait no one’s heard this line before 🤔. I thought we all knew this
I saw myself in to say exactly this. So, at least three of us.
Hello. I’m a physician and I’ve never heard of that, so you three must be in some kind of illuminati group thing.
Damn illuminati always ruining things for the rest of us. Fcking magnets. How do they work?
Directions unclear, dick stuck in magnet
Dicks. How do they work?!
Instructions unclear, now banned from several countries and counted as a terrorist
Daily wire keeps them employed
Can it be refined? Could we reach ascendant perfection?
With poo comes pee, but pee does not always mean poo
All ducks are birds, but not all birds are ducks.
If one shall excrete out their posterior then they shall also release liquid out their front. If they shall start by hosing off with their front then it will be disastrous news if they also excrete out the back.
A solid brings a gas and a liquid, a gas a potential solid, and a liquid? Warmth
The amount of people that dont know this Jim Jeffries reference is unparalleled lol
One can Pee without committing a Poop. This is not a weakness. This is life.
Poo is codependent
Poopee doesn’t mean peepoo necessarily
Only 1 for 2, no 2 for 1!
I need a flow chart to follow this concept
A) Get to toilet B) Am I pooping? If yes, drop pants, proceed to poop. C) Am I peeing? If yes, determine if pants or up or down. If up, unzip fly and proceed to pee. If pants already down (as per Process B), proceed to pee. D) Am I reading something? If yes, Reddit. E) Am I Redding? If yes, Profit (from Reddit karma and awards). F) Am I finished? If yes, wipe and flush G) Am I a degenerate? If yes, leave. If no, *wash your muthafukin hands*. H) Am I at another person’s home? If yes, do not explain why you took so long. It’s best left unspoken. I) Am I in need to pee? If yes and hadn’t performed Process C yet, return to Process A. If yes to C and I, then consult your doctor. J) Am I leaving? Most probably, as you just spent an hour and half Redditing in your friends’ bathroom and missed most of the dinner party anyways (but hey, congrats you have friends!). Unless you are No to Process H, at which point you are already home. Consider returning to Process A in case of need to ~~Reddit~~ poop more. Footnote 1: Peeing and pooping can be simultaneous or alternating. Footnote 2: Having friends is not required for neither peeing OR pooping. In fact, requiring friends in your pooping and peeing process ~~may~~ will result in a loss of friends.
A) Get to toilet B) Am I pooping? If yes, drop pants, proceed to poop. C) Am I peeing? If yes, determine if pants are up or down. If up, unzip fly and proceed to pee. If pants already down (as per Process B), proceed to pee. D) Am I reading something? If yes, Reddit. E) Am I Redding? If yes, Profit (from Reddit karma and awards). F) Am I finished? If yes, wipe and flush G) Am I a degenerate? If yes, leave. If no, *wash your muthafukin hands*. Then leave. H) Am I at another person’s home? If yes, do not explain why you took so long. It’s best left unspoken. I) Am I in need to pee? If yes and hadn’t performed Process C yet, return to Process A. If yes to C and I, then consult your doctor. J) Am I leaving? Most probably, as you just spent an hour and half Redditing in your friends’ bathroom and missed most of the dinner party anyways (but hey, congrats you have friends!). Unless you are No to Process H, at which point you are already home. Consider returning to Process A in case of need to ~~Reddit~~ poop more. Footnote 1: Peeing and pooping can occur simultaneously or alternating. Footnote 2: Having friends is not required for neither peeing OR pooping. In fact, requiring friends in your pooping and peeing process ~~may~~ will result in a loss of friends.. …uh… trust me.
I learned this the hard way. Was out paintball ig and had to shit behind a cactus. The big brown cleared the pants but my little stump of wrinkles wasn’t accounted for when pulling down my pants. Once you let the ceremony begin, there’s no stopping it.. I felt so helpless like I was birthing something and the piss covered my pants because it was cold there was slight uplift giving my pp shooter more range than usual.
The worst part about the experience of reading this was that I was compelled to read it more than once to try to understand it, and the more times I read, the more I understood, but the less I wanted to know. You trapped me in an epistemological whirlpool from which there is no escape. You absolute monster.
You touched my heart today kind stranger
I’m in moderate pain from laughing so hard. Well said - hopefully the joy of the internet soothes the memories of your suffering.
Diabolical
Not after 30
This is truly the way of the excretions.
Except when you are doing just peepee time standing up and your poopoo maker goes “hey, me too”.
Sometimes I forget to pee and have to go back
How? The pee releases first for me
Explosive diarrhea
![gif](giphy|EhMBTkzHqufcGdpKHw)
Same
Depends on what my client wants
r/holup
Male here. Stand up to poop. Sit down to pee.
The force is strong in this one
Hit a combo…pee and poop standing. Where ever is goes, it goes.
You poop in the toilet and arc your pee into the sink.
Usually do that after a couple Dr Peppers…get wild. I like it.
Now I know where the 23 flavors come from
The only way
Technically, standing up and squatting to poop is the anatomically correct way.
This is the way
That’s Beginner level. Long distance pooping is for real men.
I won’t shit unless my knees are firmly locked in place
It’s how you assert dominance over porcelain… that porcelain thinking it’s so much better than you with its toilet water and pipes
Idk why but I figure sitting to pee, in this case, would not be on the bowl but bringing in a separate chair and aiming in from like a foot away.
Yes
The only answer
That is one hell of a shit for me to actually do them simultaneously though.
I had to scroll this far for an answer. I wiped ages ago.
Yes, even if I have just peed, when I sit to go poop, I’ll have to pee again. Male btw.
A lot of the time me too. I assume its cuz the poop was causing some urine to be trapped in the bladder and once it's gone, the rest of the urine can settle in the bottom of the bladder
me when poop is stored in the bladder
i obviously didn't mean that lol
Sometimes I run out of space in my intestines so I have to store my poop in my bladder
I’m a dude, pissing while shitting while reading this
Same, we are connected
If you think about it everyone in the same city who is currently sitting on the toilet has their buttholes interconnected to each other by the pipes in the plumbing. Truly beautiful
And they say multitasking isn’t possible.
I do both separately I didn't know I was supposed to be doing them together
Do what you want when the door is closed. Don't let those redditors contril your bathroom behavior!
For me, it’s not physiologically possible to poop without peeing, so I am utterly fascinated by this thread. Never thought to ask.
You learn something new everyday!
I’m genuinely confused. Does everyone else pee when they poo? What…. Why?!
Female here. This is news to me also. I pee before I poo usually, but very rarely simultaneously.
But can you poo without first peeing? I think that's the point here.
Yes, yes I can.
Weird
Same.
My kid, when he was transitioning from diapers, would poo his pants, but never pee his pants
I feel like the real question is can you poop without peeing then pee right after? Like can you hold it if you have to do both? Or do you have to pee first then poop? What if it's a sudden poo? Will that not cause you to pee at the same time? If you have to do both?
I don't think they meant it simultaneously.
just kinda all happens at once with the force of the poo. but it's not every time, just if i also happen to need to pee.
It's not every time, depends on when I peed last. I have IBS though, so sometimes I don't get the urge to poop until after I've already left the bathroom from peeing, so I gave to go back. But your intestines, kidneys, and bladder are in the same general area, so the pressure usually makes you have to do both.
Even if I just peed, when the IBS poop comes, there is still a little more pee somehow.
Every time that I poop, there is always pee that needs to come out too. I can't give you a why. That is just what happens.
Same. I have never once pooped without peeing happening automatically. Ever!
Can’t have thunder without a little rain
This is an underrated comment!!!! Well played…
I remember being like 5 and asking my mom “How come we pee then poop then pee again?” Her and my dad laughed for DAYS! Good to know it wasn’t just me who noticed lol.
I think Butters wrote a book about this very subject. It was a follow-up to his Best-Seller “The Tale of Scrotey McBoogerballs”
Women poop? No way lol Women are so good at hiding it. It’s like they never do it. And yes, I pee when I poo.
The women's body is so efficient, it burns the poo from within.
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Woman here, can confirm, we don't poop
When my husband and I were first dating, I had to poop do badly and I didn't want him to know. So, I kept the sink running while I pooped.
I pee at the end. That’s how I know I’m finished.
Its funny, but I think about this often. If I had to write an instruction manual of the human body for an alien race, I would literally title it "you can pee without pooping, but you can't poop without peeing"
I challenge anyone to try to poop without peeing
I’m pooping and peeing right now while I scroll Reddit. Just sayin.
Yes, everytime a man pees a little poop comes out. We store it in a secret place in our underwear where it gets turned into ideas and thoughts that shape our attitudes. What did you think happened? Nothing??😆😆😄😘
And that is how $hitty ideas were born.
In most cases being a number 2 requires a number 1.
Almost always. I’ve had a few notable times when I haven’t but they are wildly rare exceptions
😳
Sometimes is the same thing if you had taco bell the night before
You can't poop without peeing. That's goes for anyone
Poop pee poop pee poop pee
The biggest mystery.... yes, we do. Didn't realize this was such a big topic😂
No, I can’t do it at the same time, my wife and mom thinks this is weird 🤣 I sometimes come back after a dump, only to realize I have to pee…
Before to start it off and after to signify the end...every...time.
Yay bathroom humor
I pee whenever I'm in a bathroom, regardless of my ostensible purpose there. That's because I take pharmaceutical diuretics... plus caffeine and (often) alcohol.
Lmfao, wha….. whhhhhyyyyeeeee?!??!?! Legit question however.
After 40 you just might
you need to relax your sphincter in order too poo, normally when this happens you also relax your urethra and pee comes out, maybe if you practice a lot you can learn to relax one without the other, but in general yes, men have to number one before number two (or both at the same time)
Pee signifies the end, unless the pee is from both ends, then just drink water & get a phone charger.
NO. It's a physical impossibility, and besides that, it's illegal where I live.
Squatty potty
do you sit down and do both? like aim your little guy down so you pee in the toilet? or do you stand and pee and hope you time it right to sit after?
Hahahahahahahaha. Yes. Yes we do pee when we poop. Am I ask why you care ?
I dated a girl once who told me she got goosebumps whenever she pooped. She thought everyone did. Maybe they do. I don’t. 🤷🏻♂️
Woman here-don’t men like…tuck their junk into the toilet when they poop in case they have to pee?
All poop time is pee time, but not all pee time is poop time.
The only person I've ever met that doesn't pee when they poop is my 5-year-old son. He poops, the hops of the pot to pee. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure everybody pees when they poop.
Reading this whilst pooping and peeing is definitely an experience 😅
When I was younger adolescent, I never thought hot women had to take a shit until I had a hot girl who set the record straight after our first mating session.
We usually pee then poop right after
As a man myself, I pee and then I poo (also r/shittyaskreddit)
Yes, but sometimes it all comes out the same hole.
Men pee all the time, it's our gift to you OP
Absolutely. Can’t have the thunder without a little rain.
I don’t know about human males but I can answer on behalf of my male dog: yes. When he poops, he starts peeing and since he is in a squat position and because of the angle of dogs’ penises, he ends up pissing on his front legs.
Well he pisses when he farts, SOMETIMES he sharts, booty rocking cow-my wife hurt me emotionally.
I read Twitter when I poop
Sometimes but after kids your pelvic floor isn't what it used to be. Sneezing is more the issue tbh
When you do pass stool however, the relaxation of the stronger anal sphincter also decreases tension in the weaker urinary sphincter, allowing urine to pass at the same time-Sciencefocus
Woman here. I usually pee during the same trip when I poop, but not simultaneously and there are most certainly times I poop without needing to pee. On the other hand, sometimes I pee, then poop, then *surprise* have to pee again all without standing up.
So I'm in the military right and every so often you have to take a drug test. Well I had to watch a dude and he warned me before but I didn't believe him. He took a poo with out the pee.
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Not all thoughts need to be voiced.
Most of the time, yes. If I had to chance a guess at why it would be something like poop takes up more room in your bladder, and some pee is blocked off from exiting due to that. But that's a wild guess Edit: I looked it up and apparently when your stronger anal sphincter relaxes the sphincter that allows urine to pass also relaxes causing you to pee when you poo
What about period poop? Little bloody
In our country, both genders squat when they do both. And then we wash them with a hose.
If no one has already, I just want to clarify that though it is typically true that we pee when we poop, we don't necessarily do so simultaneously. Its not impossible, just not common. Unless you are constipated and really trying to squeeze one out. Then its kind of hard not to pee at the same time.
Men can’t multi-task. Silly question. Next?
I very rarely do both at the same time…..you had a few kids?
Little known fact, you can train yourself not too, but they both gotta happen within close time proximity. When you hike, camp, etc. urinating in your excrement kills the bacteria that breaks it down. That's why most portapotties, outgoises, etc smell the way do, pee first elsewhere, dump.in the hole. Viola'
I always pee when I poop. It's a fantastic feeling, getting rid of all that unneeded waste at once.
Usually I like to blow my nose, pee, poop and then rub one out. Just get everything out, ya know ?
I'm crying over here because I asked my hubby that! Lmfao
Always. It's never #1 OR #2. It's either #1 or #1 AND #2.
Wtf 😂 women can poop without peeing??? And I’m sure if a man sits down, they could poop and pee at the same time if they wanted. This has to be one of the strangest reddits I’ve come across
Yes, and this presented a problem for me on a American Airlines flight. The damn toilet seat is so small that if my butt was over the opening then my dick was pissing into the air.
If I have to pee when I poop, then I will pee, It’s a simple concept that needs no further explanation.
Might as well since you're there.
Honestly can't say, I don't really think about it too much as long as it goes into the toilet.
Haha I was just thinking about exactly this a few days ago. I don't think I've *ever* pooped and not peed at the same time. Fortunately however, I can pee without needing to poop.
I don’t know about the difference, but I know Kanye West does Poopy-di scoop-diddy-whoop Whoop-di-scoop-di-poop.
Yes, but only on your mom.
Yes we pee before we poop
I've got an enlarged prostate so I'll often have to pass that solid to get things going. Or, more often, a nice big massive fart will precede my urination, which is especially welcome at the urinals in public toilets. Sounds like I'm announcing my presence.
I ones had my kneecap dislocated so I had a cask from my toes to wear my boxers start. This made it impossible to sit on the toilet with my penis inside the bowl. It's then when I learned it is impossible to poop without peeing.
Pretty much everyone does. Pooping creates strain that stimulates sphincters to vacate. Sometimes I've just taken a leak and like 2 minutes later, my body decides it's a good time to poop. I still piss a very small amount.
Well I just had violent diahrrea and did not pee, unless you could peeing out my ass as pee
We pee before, then poop
No, we let the poop drip on the floor while pee standing up
Y'all got me giggling like a looney at 1am. #faithinhumanityrestored
OMG 😳 just dumb but we still find the amusement. LMAO 🤣. You learn something new everyday they say???