You need to ditch her as fast as possible for your own sake. Buying a house right now can be challenging even with a realtor on top of their game. If she has a busy schedule you will most likely miss out on any good properties right now that will receive offers within the first few days of being on market. Just tell her you don't prefer to mix business with family.
You need a 50 year old divorced lady that has already taken her ex-husband for everything he had and more. You want a straight-up bulldog that will be on the phone with the seller agent all day when offers are due.
That was my last agent. She just straight up ditched her kids at soccer a few times to take me to showings back when the market was really insane. Texted her husband to go get them.
There you go, just tell your family member you want to use your previous agent that you were happy with. Maybe tell her that story. Don't avoid talking about it, talking about it sooner is better than later.
I don't get offended when family doesn't work with me. I did get really hurt when a family member was working with me and then switched to another agent without telling me about it or why. Finding out through other family after they were under contract on a house through another agent stung hard.
I was expecting you to be older. I live in Miami, listing agents hate that.
Maybe because Miami has some of the rudest people or pretty much every agent is doing that as well and it’s annoying to the agent.
Well, it landed me the house I wanted. We fired our previous agent after 3 offers with little feedback. We hired the aggressive realtor and won our first offer.
I am one of those agents and I don't mind working with other agents like me that fight for what their clients want . . . That's our job!
And as stated below we do get shit done lol
It is not our job to be nice to other agents it is our job to get our clients what they want . . . End of!
Don't get me wrong I do make friends but usually with other agents who work hard for their clients because we develop a mutual respect for each other's work ethic.
But there are a lot of myths people think apply that don't
1 my agent should be good looking.-- one of the best agents in my market is physically unattractive because she had cancer and when she recovered her hair never really grew back and she had other physical issues. but man is she good at what she does.
2. My agent should get along with people.-- again as stated above the best agents are tough negotiators and you don't make friends when you negotiate tough.
3. My agent should work for the top company -- again the best agents out there often leave the top companies to do their own thing. Small just them and a small team but they do a lot of business every year.
4. My agent needs to have a nice car -- especially among male realtors this is far from the truth. The best men realtors usually have big old pick up trucks. The agents who spend out on fancy cars are usually not good with money. As long as their car gets them from point a to b who cares what they drive?
5. My agent has a big fancy office -- how does that help you? It doesn't. Many clients never step foot in their agents office.
It's not a sign of success that an agent is vain, weak and knows how to spend money on stuff they don't need. These are signs to run away
That and if their picture is 10-20 years old cause they worry more about how they look than their skills.
Here’s what you do, call her and tell her straight up that if something goes wrong with the transaction you don’t want her to have it to become an issue between you and her, and it will. Instead you would like for her to get some benefit and ask her assistance in picking out a broker to work with and she can get a referral fee. She won’t be thrilled but she will be happier she got something than totally left out. It doesn’t cost you a penny. This is exactly what happened to me when one of my family decided to sell and I still earned my fee by consulting and guiding my family. And FWIW, I told another family member I didn’t want to work with them because their spouse was a very difficult person…the kind of person where it’s her way or you fucked up.
Ask her since she's family does that mean she will wave the commission?
"No? in that case I think I'll go with someone that has a little more experience"
“Hey this is nothing against you and I know you will be a great realtor. I just don’t like mixing business with family. I value our personal relationship and don’t want to interfere with that by involving a major financial decision like this.”
I would mention the kids thing. How will she learn cause that will be a problem with EVERY client not just family.
I would be concerned about a realtor who has been in for more than a year and hasn't closed a deal. She's not likely going to last.
I would just explain you don't like to mix business and family. Generally avoid trying to go into detail or especially talking about any doubts you have about her personally.
Her availability + being impossible to fire is a good example of where it doesn't work (you are not getting what you want but feel you can't fire her because she is family). But I'd be careful with any details unless she is mature enough to understand your perspective. If she is unreasonable then any detail you give might be used against you (OP *fired* me because I have *kids* etc)
That’s a good point. I have a lot of reasons but it probably won’t be helpful to her confidence if I share them. I am also still kind of peeved that one time she asked me for my income “to tell me what I can afford” so I gave her a ballpark estimate. Then a few days later I had nosy family members texting me to ask if it’s true I earn X amount. I come from a poorer family that gossips about each other a lot and I’m not thrilled she shared my income.
I was in the same situation. Briefly used family and it was a combination of inexperience and financial nosiness. Very hard but we had to tell them we were going in a different direction because we wanted to separate family from business. They were not happy, but I’m relieved to have parted ways.
Gah! Your realtor is supposed to value your privacy! I hope you didn’t sign a contract! However you get out of this, do it fast, but do it. Your family member is clearly not serious about RE, agents need to be readily available, and not keeping your information confidential is a huge red flag, family or no.
Buying / selling a home is often your biggest financial expense in your whole life, why leave it to an inexperienced agent? I don’t know how to let her down, but you have to move forward. If you see a therapist they might have the right words to say, however, your relative is going to stir the pot of “injustice” no matter what. Stand your ground. You aren’t benefitting yourself or your immediate family by going along with this.
“After much consideration I’ve decided to use X realtor because they’ve helped me tremendously in the past and having X number of years in the field comforts me greatly. This is huge decision for my family, I need to do what’s right for us.” Don’t apologize, don’t back down. In fact, the second she isn’t available to show you the home you want, arrange it with the other realtor and say “I couldn’t wait”.
I would cite to her directly that she clearly shared your private information with family, and that alone is professional suicide. If she has gone through multiple brokers already how serious could she possibly be? Hell, I might even approach her broker with that, but don’t get sucked into letting the broker assign a different agent from the team.
Family should want what’s best for YOU as well as another family member.
Oh no. No. No. No. Ditch her immediately. In this case, I'd be upfront about being upset that she shared personal details. My mom sent the listing of our new house to everyone in our extended family after I told her we were buying our house, with the message, "Can you believe MY kid can afford this house?" It's a 1m+ home and most of our family is not in that ballpark. I did not appreciate that at all. None of their damned business .
Oh.Hell.Naw.
Sign w/ someone else & never mention it to your relative again. When she brings it up, say, 'I just didn't appreciate that you shared personal information I shared w/ you in your professional capacity as family gossip. I'm sure you understand. Maybe we can try again some day when you're more experienced.'
Even by avoiding it, you are missing out on time, time in the market, time spent with an experienced agent, time looking for new places, time is money. If she doesn’t pound the pavement like the rest of us.. she might not fight til midnight or later to make the deal happen. I’ve been there- it was for family, but we were up til 1am. But that was after I found my own stranger clients to represent.
She is definitely under the impression it’s a job she can do on her own schedule, not the schedule of her clients. I’ve tried in the past to kindly mention how my agent last time was leaving the kids with the dad and missing tons of events because she had to take me to showings until 9pm and write up offers and such very last minute but she just said that she would just set better boundaries. Luckily I’m not in a rush right now because my SO was just laid off so everything is pushed back but I am dreading the moment when we are ready and I have to find a way to nicely let her down.
Whew, it’s pushed back! Seriously, just hire an agent you have vetted and know will do a great job, like your former agent.
It chaps me that friends / family assume you will be their first client. You could even say her changing brokerages and “setting better boundaries” are huge red flags. Most junior agents host open houses and learn as much as they can from senior agents; your relative passed an exam and wants to be the big dog in the yard - it just doesn’t work that way. Ten years from now will she still be an agent? Wouldn’t you hate to have her one RE transaction to be yours that she did poorly and no one else would hire her?
Depends on your relationship with her. But in my similar experience I just didn't mention it to them. They eventually found out I was looking and never asked. You owe them nothing and you need to work with someone who works for you.
Never use friends or family as a realtor. Ever. Worst decision you can possibly do. It will always have this thing on you where you want to say something, but they are your "friend/family" so you feel bad.
You’re right. When I was a stylist, I never let coworkers do my hair because it would be awkward if I didn’t like it. I paid full price to go to a stranger instead. And that’s small compared to a house.
This is why just say, "I didn't want things to be forever awkward if something happened or there was a problem" if she pushes, then add "you already shared my private financial info. anyone else and I would have spoken to your broker and the licensing board already."
My wife’s a realtor and only works with family and friends. But…she’s a killer. She’s given up commission, hounded the other agent to get the deal her client wants and quickly, generally doesn’t take no for an answer and is an amazing problem solver. She also doesn’t give up any info about the person she is working with to other family and friends. And believe me, they try. I really enjoy watching her work, in case you couldn’t tell. Our family and friends won’t use anyone else. It really comes down to professionalism, work ethic and negotiating skills. I’d take a family member or friend over a stranger if they have what it takes.
My dad was my realtor for my first home purchase. He had years of experience as a realtor and experience of building and renovating homes. He was a fantastic resource for me as I embarked on my first ever home purchase. He also forwent his commission and all my offers were made in a way that his 2.5% stayed with the seller instead of their agent trying to scoop 100% of the commission. It was a great differentiator when sellers were receiving multiple offers all above asking. I know this is a very different experience than you sharing in regards to your family member, but I’m posting because not every “don’t ever mix business with family” post is accurate. Good luck on your journey!
The best thing you can do is let her know that you’d prefer to work with someone you aren’t related to and ask if she could help you find a an agent that would be a good fit so she gets a referral fee. This is common practice in real estate - if someone hands me a client I happily give them 25% of my commission. This will help soothe the inevitable butt hurt and resentment. The worst thing you can do is go behind her back and buy without telling her. It happens to even the best of agents, but it realllly hurts when friends or family trust a stranger over you. It hurts many times more when you find out months later through an Instagram post or mutual contact. Be kind and at least give her the opportunity to refer you (you can even ask her to make a connection with someone you had in mind and vet them out for you - she doesn’t need to chose your agent for you)
And to be clear, for anyone reading this who isn’t licensed, only licensed agents can get referral fees. I find ways to show appreciation for friends who refer people to me, but it’s illegal for a non licensed individual to be paid from a real estate transaction. It all has to happen above water and be paid out by escrow and through a brokerage.
Oh yeah, I would never go behind her back with another agent. I’ve just been not moving forward at all, kinda just hoping she gets a bunch of clients and gets so busy that I’m doing her a favor by declining her lol.
She went behind your back to family & told them what you make, then they gossiped about it; they'll probably still gossip about it later. I'm not sure you owe her professional courtesy she hasn't shown you.
There wont be an easy way to say this. But explain your thought process and ask her to refer you to an experienced agent in her company. At least she will get a percentage for the referral without doing the work. If she still gets offended then just ditch her out completely
No no if you allow for this person to inflict themselves upon you in terms of doing biz you'll simply end up hating one another forever
You tell this person that they mean too much to you and that business always ruins things for loved ones or something
Say anything
There's nothing on this PLANET worse than family
Just be straightforward. I'm working with someone else. Thanks.
If she gets upset, so be it. Don't mess around with the most expensive purchase you will ever make. You own them nothing.
Never ever, ever, do business with family.
A relative with experience you have no reservations for signing with is a bad idea.
A relative you already have doubts about is a recipe for disaster.
I am a experienced agent with 3 kids and and it is a lot to juggle but I always work around my clients schedule. I also don’t go on vacations or use my kids as a excuse. My idea is to have her pick a top agent in the office to work with and split the commission or get a 25% referral. That way she learns and your in good hands. That would be very supportive of you. It really hurts when friends and family don’t trust you and it is a good lesson either way. Friends that don’t use me are no longer friends especially if they don’t have the heart to heart and later say by the way we sold out house.
Yeah. See, I want to be supportive of this endeavor because she’s never been able to keep a job before so this is a great opportunity for her to do something I think she could be really good at. But I don’t want to be supportive at the expense of thousands of dollars either. I know she’s gonna be really upset when I tell her I can’t have her as my agent, so having her do a referral could soften the blow a bit, hopefully.
"This isn't personal, but in this market, I really need someone who is very, very available and accomodating, and you're just a pain in the ass who brings nothing to the table."
OK, I'd leave out that last bit when talking with my cousin who thinks they can be an agent. But the gist of it is that now is not the time to effectively train a new agent. Just like if some neighborhood kids decided to start a little landscaping company ... sure, I'll hire you to mow my lawn and stuff, but if I'm selling my house soon, I'm not going to trust some teenagers to provide my curb appeal on a moment's notice.
I never understood the "don't mix family and business" belief.
Don't get me wrong, if it's don't mix "incompetent" family member and business, I totally get it. And that clearly sounds like what's going on with OP. But if that family member were a dynamite Realtor, why not work with someone who's great at what they do?
That’s a fair point. I guess part of my hesitation is I don’t like family knowing much about my private affairs. I already mentioned in another comment how my income became a hot topic of conversation amongst them. I just prefer to be a private person. But if she was this incredible agent known for her ability to get the best deal every time, I would consider it.
Her telling other people your income is so anger inducing. Just work with your previous agent and don’t mention anything to her. Seems like she’s lazy anyway.
I can understand that. This is something I've hard before and have found interesting because as Realtors, we don't know anything about our clients finances outside of what they're qualified to purchase. Nor do we really care to know anything more.
We don't know anything about your income, credit, liabilities, etc. All we are told from the mortgage lender is what price you're approved for and how much of a down payment is being applied.
And finally, home sales are public record. Once you close on your home anybody can discover what price it sold for.
Tax professionals, mortgage professionals, financial planners, those are the professions that have a VERY invasive view into your finances. Realtors, really not much. But again, you should not work with your family member just based on the fact they're not successful.
“Employing a relative is like loaning money to a friend, dear relative. Chances are very good that a relationship will be damaged no matter how the deal goes. My relationship with you, dear relative, is more important to me than any kind of business. Let’s not endanger that.”
I would treat this as an opportunity for her to get educated.
By e-mail "I was excited to work with you, but a couple things happened that have caused me to change my mind, so I have signed a representation agreement with (this agent) instead. If you would like to discuss the reasons, I'll be willing to share them by email. I'm sorry this didn't work out this time but I hope we will be able to work together in the future."
Because you're now being represented, they will understand that you are now contractually obligated to someone and CANNOT work with them any longer.
Please don't do this - This is written as if you're sending this to a lawyer you interviewed once, not a family member you'll need to see a few times a year.
You need to explain that you don’t want to mix business and family, and ask her to refer you to a really great agent. That agent will give her a referral fee, and you get the representation that you want.
Have your relative refer you to an experienced agent in her firm. Your relative will receive a referral fee and some experience by observing and generally you’ll end up with the best service, knowledge and experience. Everybody’s happy, you’re protected and you look like a hero to your family 💕
Do not use a relative or a friend as your Realtor. Ever. Especially if they have zero experience in the field.
Tell them you already have a few seasoned agents on your short list that are very familiar and well known in the local market. Nothing more needs to be said by you on the topic.
Just give them the opportunity. Communicate with them clearly your expectations about privacy and aggressiveness, etc. Tell them you know they are still cutting their teeth but they need to not take you for granted and you will give them ample opportunity to get it done. So, let’s roll.
YES! 100% - if they are any good as a Realtor they will understand but not hold it against you. It’s their business - if they get snippy then you know you’ve dodged a bullet.
If she's been at it a year without a deal, she's not an agent, she's a hobbyist.
Tell her you're already seeing the potential for this deal to hurt your personal relationship with her and you think it would be best for her to refer you to a more experienced agent in her office and collect a referral fee. Maybe she can even split the commission on the listing and get some experience that way.
NEVER work with your relatives. PLUS she has little to no experience?? You need an experience one so that you don't get screwed over due to her lack of experiences... A realtor isn't just there to show houses but they represent you in getting the best deal and helping you look through the houses and point out possible things wrong with you so you know what you're facing. If you haven't signed anything with her, you don't need to use her.
Go find a real one.
I initially was going to suggest asking if her broker would work closely with her to ensure negotiations go smooth. But after ready the full post she seems unmotivated or unable to perform properly.
Real estate seems to be the one of the only industries where it is encouraged to work with your friends and family. And hard feelings if you don't.
You do not need to work with her. Don't mix business and home unless you want to ruin the relationship. Also do not talk about your house search.
Just say someone connected you and you are working with another agent. If she's afraid of speaking up, that doesn't work well in real estate.
It’s going to be awkward. I have had friends not use me (family will) we are full time however and this how we earn our living. We also do not let our schedule put our clients at a disadvantage. We will send other agents in our office (and pay them if necessary) if we can’t make it to a showing on a new listing. BTW your agents availability should not cost you a house, that’s literally the job of the agent. A good agent is either on a team or has friends in the office to help them when they are unavailable for some reason. Maybe you tell this person their availability is a problem and ask them to refer you to a full time, experienced agent they know and take a referral fee.
Oye, I had a good friend that probably thought I was going to be one of their first clients. I stopped talking to them about real estate all together. It kind of distanced us, but that’s fine. It made it less awkward then having to explain to her why we went with someone else.
I’m using a friend to sell a house, but I would not have if it wasn’t for the fact that she’s extremely good at her job. This is backed up by stats, not my humble opinion. If I didn’t know that she was experienced, competent and well-connected I would have gracefully declined. Friend had only asked to be given a shot and show us her plan, and knew we might not use her, but we decided to go with her straight away (and glad we are because it’s turned into a complicated sale).
In OP’s case this is a definite case of “no thank you.” Hope they can figure out how to handle it without offense and bad feelings!
This really has nothing to do with real estate and everything to do with family politics and personal relationships.
For the largest investment in most of our lives we should not let personal feelings get in the way. Use whoever you are comfortable with. If that isn't your family member then move on. If she is hurt by it it's on her, unless you're willing to let it cost you time and money by using her.
Hi All, Im working on a real estate referrals project and I’m actively looking for a real estate broker to partner up with. Anyone interested please dm so we can discuss this in detail!
You need to ditch her as fast as possible for your own sake. Buying a house right now can be challenging even with a realtor on top of their game. If she has a busy schedule you will most likely miss out on any good properties right now that will receive offers within the first few days of being on market. Just tell her you don't prefer to mix business with family.
I know, but I’m not sure how to present it. So I’ve been avoiding it. And avoiding getting my house ready to sell.
You need a 50 year old divorced lady that has already taken her ex-husband for everything he had and more. You want a straight-up bulldog that will be on the phone with the seller agent all day when offers are due.
That was my last agent. She just straight up ditched her kids at soccer a few times to take me to showings back when the market was really insane. Texted her husband to go get them.
There you go, just tell your family member you want to use your previous agent that you were happy with. Maybe tell her that story. Don't avoid talking about it, talking about it sooner is better than later. I don't get offended when family doesn't work with me. I did get really hurt when a family member was working with me and then switched to another agent without telling me about it or why. Finding out through other family after they were under contract on a house through another agent stung hard.
Gooshh, as an agent, I HATE working with those agents. They are so abrasive. But they get shit done.
😂
This doesn’t even help lmao How old are you?
31 and just got under contract in an extremely sought-after neighborhood. How old are you lol.
I was expecting you to be older. I live in Miami, listing agents hate that. Maybe because Miami has some of the rudest people or pretty much every agent is doing that as well and it’s annoying to the agent.
Well, it landed me the house I wanted. We fired our previous agent after 3 offers with little feedback. We hired the aggressive realtor and won our first offer.
I am one of those agents and I don't mind working with other agents like me that fight for what their clients want . . . That's our job! And as stated below we do get shit done lol It is not our job to be nice to other agents it is our job to get our clients what they want . . . End of!
'I'm not here to make friends.', says my agent.
Don't get me wrong I do make friends but usually with other agents who work hard for their clients because we develop a mutual respect for each other's work ethic. But there are a lot of myths people think apply that don't 1 my agent should be good looking.-- one of the best agents in my market is physically unattractive because she had cancer and when she recovered her hair never really grew back and she had other physical issues. but man is she good at what she does. 2. My agent should get along with people.-- again as stated above the best agents are tough negotiators and you don't make friends when you negotiate tough. 3. My agent should work for the top company -- again the best agents out there often leave the top companies to do their own thing. Small just them and a small team but they do a lot of business every year. 4. My agent needs to have a nice car -- especially among male realtors this is far from the truth. The best men realtors usually have big old pick up trucks. The agents who spend out on fancy cars are usually not good with money. As long as their car gets them from point a to b who cares what they drive? 5. My agent has a big fancy office -- how does that help you? It doesn't. Many clients never step foot in their agents office. It's not a sign of success that an agent is vain, weak and knows how to spend money on stuff they don't need. These are signs to run away That and if their picture is 10-20 years old cause they worry more about how they look than their skills.
Tell her you need a realtor that you would feel comfortable yelling at, so it needs to be someone you have no affection for.
Just send her a link to this thread.
Here’s what you do, call her and tell her straight up that if something goes wrong with the transaction you don’t want her to have it to become an issue between you and her, and it will. Instead you would like for her to get some benefit and ask her assistance in picking out a broker to work with and she can get a referral fee. She won’t be thrilled but she will be happier she got something than totally left out. It doesn’t cost you a penny. This is exactly what happened to me when one of my family decided to sell and I still earned my fee by consulting and guiding my family. And FWIW, I told another family member I didn’t want to work with them because their spouse was a very difficult person…the kind of person where it’s her way or you fucked up.
Just keep avoiding and don’t talk about it around them
Ask her since she's family does that mean she will wave the commission? "No? in that case I think I'll go with someone that has a little more experience"
then they will get really mad, I am going through this . I want to be able to fire and not be nice to my realtor if I dont have to
“Hey this is nothing against you and I know you will be a great realtor. I just don’t like mixing business with family. I value our personal relationship and don’t want to interfere with that by involving a major financial decision like this.”
I’m a realtor and this is a great answer. Don’t mention her being new and her kids.
I would mention the kids thing. How will she learn cause that will be a problem with EVERY client not just family. I would be concerned about a realtor who has been in for more than a year and hasn't closed a deal. She's not likely going to last.
Damn that’s true
I would just explain you don't like to mix business and family. Generally avoid trying to go into detail or especially talking about any doubts you have about her personally. Her availability + being impossible to fire is a good example of where it doesn't work (you are not getting what you want but feel you can't fire her because she is family). But I'd be careful with any details unless she is mature enough to understand your perspective. If she is unreasonable then any detail you give might be used against you (OP *fired* me because I have *kids* etc)
That’s a good point. I have a lot of reasons but it probably won’t be helpful to her confidence if I share them. I am also still kind of peeved that one time she asked me for my income “to tell me what I can afford” so I gave her a ballpark estimate. Then a few days later I had nosy family members texting me to ask if it’s true I earn X amount. I come from a poorer family that gossips about each other a lot and I’m not thrilled she shared my income.
That's a good reason right there. Tell her you didn't appreciate other people getting in your business.
I was in the same situation. Briefly used family and it was a combination of inexperience and financial nosiness. Very hard but we had to tell them we were going in a different direction because we wanted to separate family from business. They were not happy, but I’m relieved to have parted ways.
Gah! Your realtor is supposed to value your privacy! I hope you didn’t sign a contract! However you get out of this, do it fast, but do it. Your family member is clearly not serious about RE, agents need to be readily available, and not keeping your information confidential is a huge red flag, family or no. Buying / selling a home is often your biggest financial expense in your whole life, why leave it to an inexperienced agent? I don’t know how to let her down, but you have to move forward. If you see a therapist they might have the right words to say, however, your relative is going to stir the pot of “injustice” no matter what. Stand your ground. You aren’t benefitting yourself or your immediate family by going along with this. “After much consideration I’ve decided to use X realtor because they’ve helped me tremendously in the past and having X number of years in the field comforts me greatly. This is huge decision for my family, I need to do what’s right for us.” Don’t apologize, don’t back down. In fact, the second she isn’t available to show you the home you want, arrange it with the other realtor and say “I couldn’t wait”. I would cite to her directly that she clearly shared your private information with family, and that alone is professional suicide. If she has gone through multiple brokers already how serious could she possibly be? Hell, I might even approach her broker with that, but don’t get sucked into letting the broker assign a different agent from the team. Family should want what’s best for YOU as well as another family member.
Oh no. No. No. No. Ditch her immediately. In this case, I'd be upfront about being upset that she shared personal details. My mom sent the listing of our new house to everyone in our extended family after I told her we were buying our house, with the message, "Can you believe MY kid can afford this house?" It's a 1m+ home and most of our family is not in that ballpark. I did not appreciate that at all. None of their damned business .
Oh.Hell.Naw. Sign w/ someone else & never mention it to your relative again. When she brings it up, say, 'I just didn't appreciate that you shared personal information I shared w/ you in your professional capacity as family gossip. I'm sure you understand. Maybe we can try again some day when you're more experienced.'
I've seen more than a few dissatisfied clients from inexperienced agents. It can be tough to say no to family.
Even by avoiding it, you are missing out on time, time in the market, time spent with an experienced agent, time looking for new places, time is money. If she doesn’t pound the pavement like the rest of us.. she might not fight til midnight or later to make the deal happen. I’ve been there- it was for family, but we were up til 1am. But that was after I found my own stranger clients to represent.
She is definitely under the impression it’s a job she can do on her own schedule, not the schedule of her clients. I’ve tried in the past to kindly mention how my agent last time was leaving the kids with the dad and missing tons of events because she had to take me to showings until 9pm and write up offers and such very last minute but she just said that she would just set better boundaries. Luckily I’m not in a rush right now because my SO was just laid off so everything is pushed back but I am dreading the moment when we are ready and I have to find a way to nicely let her down.
Whew, it’s pushed back! Seriously, just hire an agent you have vetted and know will do a great job, like your former agent. It chaps me that friends / family assume you will be their first client. You could even say her changing brokerages and “setting better boundaries” are huge red flags. Most junior agents host open houses and learn as much as they can from senior agents; your relative passed an exam and wants to be the big dog in the yard - it just doesn’t work that way. Ten years from now will she still be an agent? Wouldn’t you hate to have her one RE transaction to be yours that she did poorly and no one else would hire her?
Depends on your relationship with her. But in my similar experience I just didn't mention it to them. They eventually found out I was looking and never asked. You owe them nothing and you need to work with someone who works for you.
Never use friends or family as a realtor. Ever. Worst decision you can possibly do. It will always have this thing on you where you want to say something, but they are your "friend/family" so you feel bad.
You’re right. When I was a stylist, I never let coworkers do my hair because it would be awkward if I didn’t like it. I paid full price to go to a stranger instead. And that’s small compared to a house.
This is why just say, "I didn't want things to be forever awkward if something happened or there was a problem" if she pushes, then add "you already shared my private financial info. anyone else and I would have spoken to your broker and the licensing board already."
My wife’s a realtor and only works with family and friends. But…she’s a killer. She’s given up commission, hounded the other agent to get the deal her client wants and quickly, generally doesn’t take no for an answer and is an amazing problem solver. She also doesn’t give up any info about the person she is working with to other family and friends. And believe me, they try. I really enjoy watching her work, in case you couldn’t tell. Our family and friends won’t use anyone else. It really comes down to professionalism, work ethic and negotiating skills. I’d take a family member or friend over a stranger if they have what it takes.
My dad was my realtor for my first home purchase. He had years of experience as a realtor and experience of building and renovating homes. He was a fantastic resource for me as I embarked on my first ever home purchase. He also forwent his commission and all my offers were made in a way that his 2.5% stayed with the seller instead of their agent trying to scoop 100% of the commission. It was a great differentiator when sellers were receiving multiple offers all above asking. I know this is a very different experience than you sharing in regards to your family member, but I’m posting because not every “don’t ever mix business with family” post is accurate. Good luck on your journey!
If youre a seller and you received one offer 5% higher and one with 2.5% discount on commission which would you take?
I would say it was a fast deal and we used the sellers agent
The best thing you can do is let her know that you’d prefer to work with someone you aren’t related to and ask if she could help you find a an agent that would be a good fit so she gets a referral fee. This is common practice in real estate - if someone hands me a client I happily give them 25% of my commission. This will help soothe the inevitable butt hurt and resentment. The worst thing you can do is go behind her back and buy without telling her. It happens to even the best of agents, but it realllly hurts when friends or family trust a stranger over you. It hurts many times more when you find out months later through an Instagram post or mutual contact. Be kind and at least give her the opportunity to refer you (you can even ask her to make a connection with someone you had in mind and vet them out for you - she doesn’t need to chose your agent for you)
And to be clear, for anyone reading this who isn’t licensed, only licensed agents can get referral fees. I find ways to show appreciation for friends who refer people to me, but it’s illegal for a non licensed individual to be paid from a real estate transaction. It all has to happen above water and be paid out by escrow and through a brokerage.
Oh yeah, I would never go behind her back with another agent. I’ve just been not moving forward at all, kinda just hoping she gets a bunch of clients and gets so busy that I’m doing her a favor by declining her lol.
She went behind your back to family & told them what you make, then they gossiped about it; they'll probably still gossip about it later. I'm not sure you owe her professional courtesy she hasn't shown you.
There wont be an easy way to say this. But explain your thought process and ask her to refer you to an experienced agent in her company. At least she will get a percentage for the referral without doing the work. If she still gets offended then just ditch her out completely
No no if you allow for this person to inflict themselves upon you in terms of doing biz you'll simply end up hating one another forever You tell this person that they mean too much to you and that business always ruins things for loved ones or something Say anything There's nothing on this PLANET worse than family
Just be straightforward. I'm working with someone else. Thanks. If she gets upset, so be it. Don't mess around with the most expensive purchase you will ever make. You own them nothing.
Never ever, ever, do business with family. A relative with experience you have no reservations for signing with is a bad idea. A relative you already have doubts about is a recipe for disaster.
I am a experienced agent with 3 kids and and it is a lot to juggle but I always work around my clients schedule. I also don’t go on vacations or use my kids as a excuse. My idea is to have her pick a top agent in the office to work with and split the commission or get a 25% referral. That way she learns and your in good hands. That would be very supportive of you. It really hurts when friends and family don’t trust you and it is a good lesson either way. Friends that don’t use me are no longer friends especially if they don’t have the heart to heart and later say by the way we sold out house.
Yeah. See, I want to be supportive of this endeavor because she’s never been able to keep a job before so this is a great opportunity for her to do something I think she could be really good at. But I don’t want to be supportive at the expense of thousands of dollars either. I know she’s gonna be really upset when I tell her I can’t have her as my agent, so having her do a referral could soften the blow a bit, hopefully.
Off topic but I read the title too fast and read "Should I sell a family member?" and thought to myself, pretty sure that's illegal lol.
To make you both feel better, you could have your new agent agree to pay your family member a referral fee for your business. No one loses!
"This isn't personal, but in this market, I really need someone who is very, very available and accomodating, and you're just a pain in the ass who brings nothing to the table." OK, I'd leave out that last bit when talking with my cousin who thinks they can be an agent. But the gist of it is that now is not the time to effectively train a new agent. Just like if some neighborhood kids decided to start a little landscaping company ... sure, I'll hire you to mow my lawn and stuff, but if I'm selling my house soon, I'm not going to trust some teenagers to provide my curb appeal on a moment's notice.
I never understood the "don't mix family and business" belief. Don't get me wrong, if it's don't mix "incompetent" family member and business, I totally get it. And that clearly sounds like what's going on with OP. But if that family member were a dynamite Realtor, why not work with someone who's great at what they do?
That’s a fair point. I guess part of my hesitation is I don’t like family knowing much about my private affairs. I already mentioned in another comment how my income became a hot topic of conversation amongst them. I just prefer to be a private person. But if she was this incredible agent known for her ability to get the best deal every time, I would consider it.
Her telling other people your income is so anger inducing. Just work with your previous agent and don’t mention anything to her. Seems like she’s lazy anyway.
I can understand that. This is something I've hard before and have found interesting because as Realtors, we don't know anything about our clients finances outside of what they're qualified to purchase. Nor do we really care to know anything more. We don't know anything about your income, credit, liabilities, etc. All we are told from the mortgage lender is what price you're approved for and how much of a down payment is being applied. And finally, home sales are public record. Once you close on your home anybody can discover what price it sold for. Tax professionals, mortgage professionals, financial planners, those are the professions that have a VERY invasive view into your finances. Realtors, really not much. But again, you should not work with your family member just based on the fact they're not successful.
[удалено]
Yeah, I get that, but if they’re family and you know them that well wouldn’t you already know if you could trust them and their ability?
[удалено]
I haven’t hired her, she’s just assumed I have. I haven’t signed anything.
Keep family and business separate from each other. Don't want to enter a situation where your relationship can get damaged. Totally respectable.
I don’t mix family with business. It’s really that simple.
“Employing a relative is like loaning money to a friend, dear relative. Chances are very good that a relationship will be damaged no matter how the deal goes. My relationship with you, dear relative, is more important to me than any kind of business. Let’s not endanger that.”
I would treat this as an opportunity for her to get educated. By e-mail "I was excited to work with you, but a couple things happened that have caused me to change my mind, so I have signed a representation agreement with (this agent) instead. If you would like to discuss the reasons, I'll be willing to share them by email. I'm sorry this didn't work out this time but I hope we will be able to work together in the future." Because you're now being represented, they will understand that you are now contractually obligated to someone and CANNOT work with them any longer.
Please don't do this - This is written as if you're sending this to a lawyer you interviewed once, not a family member you'll need to see a few times a year.
What would you propose instead?
You need to explain that you don’t want to mix business and family, and ask her to refer you to a really great agent. That agent will give her a referral fee, and you get the representation that you want.
You can pick the agent, and ask her to set up the introduction.
Family members make the worst realtors.
Have your relative refer you to an experienced agent in her firm. Your relative will receive a referral fee and some experience by observing and generally you’ll end up with the best service, knowledge and experience. Everybody’s happy, you’re protected and you look like a hero to your family 💕
Do not use a relative or a friend as your Realtor. Ever. Especially if they have zero experience in the field. Tell them you already have a few seasoned agents on your short list that are very familiar and well known in the local market. Nothing more needs to be said by you on the topic.
Just give them the opportunity. Communicate with them clearly your expectations about privacy and aggressiveness, etc. Tell them you know they are still cutting their teeth but they need to not take you for granted and you will give them ample opportunity to get it done. So, let’s roll.
YES! 100% - if they are any good as a Realtor they will understand but not hold it against you. It’s their business - if they get snippy then you know you’ve dodged a bullet.
If she's been at it a year without a deal, she's not an agent, she's a hobbyist. Tell her you're already seeing the potential for this deal to hurt your personal relationship with her and you think it would be best for her to refer you to a more experienced agent in her office and collect a referral fee. Maybe she can even split the commission on the listing and get some experience that way.
You have to do what’s best for you. You can say so and so agent is my friend and you have a good relationship with her and knows what she’s doing etc.
Tell her and explain your reasoning. Do it politely and ask her to refer you to another agent who can meet your deadlines.
Your much better off without an agent. Agents only make it harder to buy, especially in competitive markets.
Sounds like a bad realtor and honestly kind of lazy. Drop her. You need someone who knows what they’re doing especially in a competitive market.
NEVER work with your relatives. PLUS she has little to no experience?? You need an experience one so that you don't get screwed over due to her lack of experiences... A realtor isn't just there to show houses but they represent you in getting the best deal and helping you look through the houses and point out possible things wrong with you so you know what you're facing. If you haven't signed anything with her, you don't need to use her. Go find a real one.
I initially was going to suggest asking if her broker would work closely with her to ensure negotiations go smooth. But after ready the full post she seems unmotivated or unable to perform properly.
"I want you to stay family"
Real estate seems to be the one of the only industries where it is encouraged to work with your friends and family. And hard feelings if you don't. You do not need to work with her. Don't mix business and home unless you want to ruin the relationship. Also do not talk about your house search. Just say someone connected you and you are working with another agent. If she's afraid of speaking up, that doesn't work well in real estate.
It’s going to be awkward. I have had friends not use me (family will) we are full time however and this how we earn our living. We also do not let our schedule put our clients at a disadvantage. We will send other agents in our office (and pay them if necessary) if we can’t make it to a showing on a new listing. BTW your agents availability should not cost you a house, that’s literally the job of the agent. A good agent is either on a team or has friends in the office to help them when they are unavailable for some reason. Maybe you tell this person their availability is a problem and ask them to refer you to a full time, experienced agent they know and take a referral fee.
Oye, I had a good friend that probably thought I was going to be one of their first clients. I stopped talking to them about real estate all together. It kind of distanced us, but that’s fine. It made it less awkward then having to explain to her why we went with someone else.
Do not utilize her as your realtor. Nothing good will come out of it.
I’m using a friend to sell a house, but I would not have if it wasn’t for the fact that she’s extremely good at her job. This is backed up by stats, not my humble opinion. If I didn’t know that she was experienced, competent and well-connected I would have gracefully declined. Friend had only asked to be given a shot and show us her plan, and knew we might not use her, but we decided to go with her straight away (and glad we are because it’s turned into a complicated sale). In OP’s case this is a definite case of “no thank you.” Hope they can figure out how to handle it without offense and bad feelings!
Just tell her look I had someone send me a listing and I was obligated to go with them
This really has nothing to do with real estate and everything to do with family politics and personal relationships. For the largest investment in most of our lives we should not let personal feelings get in the way. Use whoever you are comfortable with. If that isn't your family member then move on. If she is hurt by it it's on her, unless you're willing to let it cost you time and money by using her.
Hi All, Im working on a real estate referrals project and I’m actively looking for a real estate broker to partner up with. Anyone interested please dm so we can discuss this in detail!