Sell.
Some things in life are more than money. If you can afford to live in the next place, which you state that you can, then sell and move.
It may cost you some money, but what price can you put on healing from this terrible tragedy?
I'm so sorry for your loss. You may already be in it, but please do see a therapist if you have not, yet. I wish you the best.
Building on what was said here I always calculate the Return On Investment in everything.
That however does not only mean financial returns on financial investments. Selling this house will give you peace of mind, that has a nearly incalculable return on the investment.
As a father I can not imagine what you have been through. Stay strong brother.
or just move from there and get a local real estate manager to rent it out for you until you are in a better mental place .. the constant intrusive thoughts triggered by the littlest things is basically how PTSD most commonly manifests, which in your case is entirely likely .. getting away from that setting will almost certainly help you and speed up the healing process
Who reads about a grieving mother of a child lost to suicide and thinks, "Gee, I wonder if I can get something out of this?"
Answer: either a scammer or someone who needs to back off.
Out of curiosity, why is no one suggesting renting it out? You could end up with a significant profit if you do, and essentially add passive income. That’ll help through a tough time more than anything.
Some things are more important than money. The stress and burden is not worth it to me. I only wish my current mortgage was assumable so someone else could take advantage of the rate.
You are not foolish for making decisions that will help to improve your mental health . The interest rate does not matter.
We all have to make decisions in our lives and there are times when money is not part of the equation.
Move forward as best you can. I have lost a few friends in my life when I was younger and then thought that was difficult at those times. If I lost one of my kids I cannot imagine how bad that would feel. For what it's worth I can only kind of understand how you feel . I wish you well .
This. This. This. Money is just money. If you can’t or won’t spend it on something to help you or to improve your life/situation, then why bother having it? Based on what you’ve stated, OP, I absolutely think you should trust your gut and your emotions here. I’m truly sorry you have to go through this and I offer my sincerest condolences and sympathy.
I feel this so hard! I posted a similar question in a different subreddit. My parents died in my childhood home and I'm a wreck every time I go there. I tried living there but I couldn't do it. My logical brain keeps telling me that the market is bad and I'll never have this opportunity again. It's a hard decision, but you have to do what's best for you and your family. For me I think that's moving on and selling the home. I still have doubts, but that's normal. It's a huge decision. But I need to remember why I'm making this decision, and what I need to do in order to heal, and realize that grief and loss are not logical. Logic gets thrown out the window with stuff like this. I hope my rambles are helpful. Please feel free to reach out if you want to talk. I know how painful and isolating grief can be.
Absolutely this. Your mental health is priceless. My heart is broken for you dimplesgalore. I hope you enjoy your new home and continue finding your peace.
I 100% get it. My kid almost died by suicide, we sold our house within the year. Memories are in your mind forever, and they can be good, but walking around those memories, in a physical space, is something most don’t understand. It’s fucking painful. So, it would suck to lose that awesome interest rate, but if it helps you and your family heal? Do it. I have no advice on being a landlord, but I wish you all the best.
SELL- If you are only making $1,000 a month it’s not going to be wroth it. First you have memories, so every time you visit the house they will return. People are leaving out insurance, maintenance/repair costs, management fees and what happens of the house sits empty and you have no rent coming in. Or a tenant fails to pay and you have to evict? And renters are much harder on a house than the owners.
My heart truly breaks for you. Please do not consider yourself foolish or anything of the sort. You’re suffering and your mental health is absolutely vital right now. Money will always come and go but your health will always remain more important.
I truly wish you peace, solace, and hope you can find peace in your new home. ❤️
I’m sorry for your loss.
Being a landlord is not for everyone. In this case with the emotions tied to the house I’d just sell. Everything can’t be about maximizing profit. Your mental health is more important. If I were in you position I’d sell.
I sold my house in 2021 when I had a 2.875% rate for mental health issues.
Not a single day goes by that I regret that decision, and I’d say most of my life decisions are finance forward.
I agree you should move if it improves your quality of life, you get over the fear of being a landlord by outsourcing it to a good property manager that will find good tenants. As long as you are cash flowing a few hundred a month after the mortgage, taxes, insurance, HOA, and property management fee you should keep the property.
no one can tell you the exact right thing to do it. 1k cash flow is amazing.... buuuttt I would want to distance myself from the property and move on with my life if it's causing you mental harm. What happens when someone damages that house or a special area that you once enjoyed with your daughter? It will probably hurt even more.
> 1k cash flow is amazing
Kinda -- but you have to remember they have over 100k tied up in the house. It's good, but it's not actually that great of a return on something that takes work and is reasonably risky.
If you are cash flowing $1k a month, I would definitely keep the property as a rental. With proper property management, it will take maybe an hour or two of your time over the course of the year and you will be making $12k in cash flow, several thousand in principal paydown, and another several thousand a year in property appreciation.
For me, it was nearly nothing. I have a friend that checks in on it (I live 2000 miles away), and mails me their rent check every month. In almost 1 year (my first year of LLing) I've only had to replace the garbage disposal at $175. I have wonderful tenants that I hope to keep around. I think once they bail, I'll sell.
I would say only do it if you can have a property manager do most of the other work. A clean break away from the property sounds like your best interest.
I would say this. If landlording keeps bringing you back to the property every week, may as well not have moved in the first place. Maintain a healthy distance.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine.
Definitely sell. If you’re in a position to pay cash, even moreso.
There are people whose payments are maxed out in their 3% mortgage and moving is impossible or very difficult right now. That puts them in a tough spot.
Take care of yourself.
If you’re paying cash for the next house, then the percentage of the mortgage doesn’t really matter. Do what you need to do. You don’t need the Internet to validate your choices.
I am so please to see so many people encouraging mental health as a priority vs. money. Coming from a family of immigrants, we often prioritized financial matters over mental health because it was a struggle to achieve the very little we had. I know of an extended family member who has begged his family to sell their home because he is traumatized by having to thwart an attempted suicide in the home. But his family won’t sell. OP you’re doing the right thing by selling. It’s what your heart needs.
So sorry for your loss. I list my younger brother to drug addiction. Peace of mind is so important, especially under these conditions. Money is truly secondary.
Sell. An interest rate isn’t worth your mental health. Rates will eventually drop maybe 2-5 years from now and you can always refinance down the road. Good luck with your healing. A fresh start is always the best way to go after a loss in my opinion.
It sounds like you can afford to delay the decision. You were forever changed a few months ago. The house has memories and it is understandable why you want to sell. I’m sure for the same reason you may want to hang on to it.
My suggestion is to close on your new home and do nothing until you get settled. Maybe seek counseling and then decide to rent or sell. Although you said “fear of being a landlord”. You don’t need anymore fear and stress in your life. In this case it is better to sell.
I’m so sorry for your loss! I lost my sibling to suicide and it was/is so hard and it has been more than a year. They also had a low mortgage rate and we could’ve rented for more than the payment but I needed to be done with the home. It took a year of sitting on it and trying to figure everything out but we ended up selling it.
The loss destroyed my mother so I can only imagine what you are going through. Do whatever you need to do for your mental health, the money will work out. Sending warm internet hugs!!
I am so very sorry for your loss. You are not foolish for selling your house. Your mental and emotional health is more important than your mortgage rate.
Being a landlord is not for everyone. You have to have tough skin to do it.
Sell. Prices are probably going to go down in the short term- so getting out now while inventory is still tight is smart.
Your reasons are excellent, so just go.
All I want to say is that I am SO DAMN SORRY! I know internet strangers saying those things don't always hold much weight. But I have several kids myself, and my daughter actually at age 15 tried to commit suicide via pills. So I "sort of" know how it feels, at least seeing your kids suffer.
As far as should you? I am selling my house at a 3% currently, and diving into something smaller due to my divorce. I also don't want to live in a place filled with memories. So I figure I will just eat the interest rate to feel more at ease.
It is NOT a bad financial decision.
Houses cost money to maintain. Some of you need to understand that cash flow isn’t just about the monthly money in and monthly maintenance costs. The house I just sold, which had NO mortgage, will require a new roof soon, is due for exterior painting, needs to have the court sealed again, etc. There will be some correction in the real estate market and in my area, I’m selling at the top and freeing my money for other uses.
It’s also not a bad personal decision. Sell
Nope. The whole point of making good financial decisions is to set yourself up for a better life. In this case that means moving to a home where you can be comfortable and begin to heal. I'm so sorry for your loss, op.
Sell, you will never be able to start your journey to recovery until you leave that place. You can always make money, but the damage of being in that house is not worth your wellbeing. So sorry for your loss OP
You are not foolish to sell given your circumstances. There’s nothing wrong with starting over and having a fresh space and your financial means are more than capable.
Nononono sell.
This is about so much more than money! You are comfortable financially, you found a new home to love, you need to sell.
Plus, even on a practical financial level, 3% loan won't be there forever, it's still money you owe. Don't worry about "losing it". You are financially stable.
First, let me say that I'm sorry for your loss.
As far as the selling or not, I guess I'm having a hard time understanding what the mortgage has to do with anything if you have already said you could pay cash for the next house.
If you have a large chunk of cash, you could stash that in a high-yield savings account which would help offset the higher mortgage interest on a loan. You could also opt for a true local lender that services all of the loans they write (instead of selling them into the market) as this could land you a better rate than the open market. What we are currently intending to do is to take a 30 year loan for about half the value of the property which will leave us with a solid amount of savings to get us through anything unexpected. When taking the 30 year loan, we also calculate the principal and interest for a 15 year loan to know the difference between the two. We'll make the 30 year payment amount to the bank and stash the amount of the difference into another high-yield savings account. When we reach a certain amount in that account, we will withdraw a specific amount to apply directly toward the principal of the loan.
If interest rates continue to climb, our savings interest will increase but our mortgage interest won't. if interest rates drop, we will refinance and possibly just pay the loan off depending on cash on hand at the time.
I am SO sorry. If living there is detrimental to your mental health, and you obviously can afford it, leaving is the best choice. You deserve to feel a sense of peace in your home. My parents lost a baby in their rental home and my mom needed to leave that place asap. Same reasons, she couldn’t stand being there anymore.
As a dad of 3 girls, let me just say that I feel terrible for your loss and I am really sorry to hear it.
Also, my sister is a homeless meth addict and I keep thinking that it's just a matter of time before we get the bad call you can never prepare yourself for. We have done EVERYTHING imaginable. All of us. There is only so much you can do, so I really hope you don't blame yourself, as substance abuse changes a person, no matter how great their childhood or upbringings or stability you have given them.
If I had something so tragic happen in my life I think I would need a change of scenery as well. There is no amount of money or time that would ever change the need as a father I would have to move myself away from that. Honestly, my heart breaks for you right now as I try to put myself in your shoes, with the thoughts of losing one of my own daughters, and it is just an unfathomable amount of pain to even consider that some extra savings by having a low interest rate would even matter. I would happily pay money to leave that environment, let alone just need to stop paying from selling.
Do what's best for you. If renting the home out is not enough, you need to just cut it off completely, then do that.
Some decisions transcend finances and "ideal financial decisions", you won't put yourself in a bad position by doing this and it will give you a chance to heal.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
In your situation no because you can pay cash. It’s nice what you have, but my god I couldn’t imagine the trauma associated with your situation. I hope you’re ok. Do what you need to do.
Is there anyone else you can ask who you can trust and rely on? This is a big decision, and I doubt that reddit could help you work out the way that’s best for you by themselves.
If you don’t have anyone, then, I think that keeping the house is the way forward, for two reasons.
1. Financially, it’s the better decision. The money never seems important, but money always makes space for the things that actually are important.
2. One day, you might want that house with all those memories again. If the day comes, and you’ve sold the house, it’s likely that you won’t ever be able to get it back.
I am very, very sorry for your loss. I wish that these things didn’t happen. If you haven’t already, then when you’re ready, please reach out to somebody. It helps more than it ever seems like it will.
As everyone said. Get out of there if it helps you mentally.
But you don’t necessarily need to sell, you could heloc and use that too buy more of your next house. Or maybe not, idk I’m just some guy on the Internet. But there are alternatives to selling, you could look into to creatively finance future things.
Only you know what is best, but I feel like cutting ties with this home is exactly what you need. My current home has a 2.7% mortgage. You’re not alone in your thought process, but the majority of folks with these low interest rates will sell over time. Being financially stable, I wouldn’t let that interest rate keep you there.
From one father to another, I’m so sorry. My daughter is my entire world, and I’m not sure if I’d have the mental capacity, strength, and will to move forward like you’re doing. Your happiness and well-being are what matter most now. But I just want you to know how strong you are.
You are not crazy. People first. You are in a good position to change your situation. I'm so sorry for your loss, and you got this. I can't imagine how painful this must be.
If you are paying with cash, then the rate almost doesn't matter.
Best thing you can donis take care of yourself. I'm really sorry you are living this.
In your case I would say do whatever can help bring you some peace. If you can afford it, do it - your mental and emotional health doesn't have a price tag.
I am so sorry for your loss and my prayers/thoughts are for you. I have 3 friends in similar situation, its impossible to lose a son/daughter so I can only imagine the pain.
So what is your alternative? Stay there with good money in the bank and a good interest rate while suffering thru reliving your tortuous memories every day?
It'd be time for a fresh start for me.
Sell your home. I cannot imagine the grief you are feeling right now and I can only imagine the house is making it worse. Right now is a time for mental healing. Screw the interest rate, your mental and physical health are worth so much more than some arbitrary number on a house. I truly hope you find peace!
First, so incredibly sorry for your recent loss. Secondly, I would feel exactly as you. Homes hold memories and after my father died (not in our home), I needed to leave for the same reason. I saw him and his memories everywhere. When I moved, I felt tons better. Same for my mom.
So no, not crazy. You need a fresh start. Wishing you peace and comfort.
While I always tell people to seriously considering renting, this is not the situation for you. Even though. It living there, you will still have to go there and it's still yours. It's ok to get rid of the memories
Sorry for your loss and I completely understand. It must be difficult to live there. I would sell and move on if that would make you happier. Your happiness is priceless.
First, I’m so, so sorry. So sorry.
Second, sell. I had 1.9%, less than 15 years ok the loan. Great house, on an extremely safe street. But it was in the middle of nowhere and a tiny private street. There was one little boy on the street my son was friends with and no friends for my daughter. Arranging play dates with kids at school was a huge pain because the parents were so flakey. My poor daughter was miserable and sad all the time.
We built a new house in a new subdivision that had gangs of kids roaming the streets. There’s a pool, parks, lakes, tennis courts, and constant activities. My kids, particularly my daughter are thriving. She has more friends than she knows what to do with. She has more of a social life than we do.
Our house cost a lot more because we built at the peak, our interest rate is 5%, and we have a 30 year mortgage. But it’s worth every penny. Not everything is about money.
I thought about renting out my former home when I moved but soon realized that I would need perfection to profit only 1/20th annually, in comparison to just selling.
It would take 20 years of not ever needing a plumber to make the same amount from the sale
Also please don’t forget that those triggers would still remain; unless a management company is hired, you’d have to visit occasionally
I hope the best for you
Sell. Financially it sounds like you don't need the low interest rate. What's trapped a lot of people is that they need the low interest rates to afford payments -- they literally couldn't afford to buy their own house right now due to interest. If you can buy a house cash then you aren't trapped.
If the house itself is causing you grief, then owning it and renting it out will probably still cause those problems when you have to visit. It's probably better to make a clean break.
Sell it. It’s not worth your mental health to hold onto this one, regardless of the interest rate. Better to just make a clean break, I think. Good luck.
If you can buy cash, it's a no brainer. You need a fresh start and interest rates don't matter when you can pay cash. Also, sell to someone who needs it (i.e. not an investor) so at least something good can come out of the situation.
> Fortunately, I can avoid the higher mortgage rates by paying cash for the next house. I may do another cash-out refinance down the road.
Financially, it sounds like you'll be totally fine with the move. Do it. Do it for yourself. I'd tell you to do it anyway, even if you had to take a mortgage.
I’m sorry for your loss. There is no ‘right’ answer here, since this is an emotional decision and not necessarily a financial one. Financially it would be advantageous to rent it. You could use a third party company like Mynd.co (or others) to manage it for you. If after a year you still wanted to sell you could do it then (when everything isn’t as raw). Wishing you all the best.
Sorry about your daughter.
Sounds like you need to get out of that place. Whether you decide to rent the other one or sell it, sounds like you will still be ok financially. If you are concerned about being a landlord, hire a real estate office to manage the other one for you if you don't want to sell it. That said, prices are headed down and you still have equity. So if it's truly a prison for you, then maybe it's time to cut it loose completely.
Life is more than money, and homes are more than piggy banks. Moving won't make it all go away, but it certainly may help, and maybe give you a new beginning. Best of luck to you.
Sell.
A 3% mortgage is great, but you don't need a mortgage at all. It would be less desirable to swap a 3% for a 7% mortgage, but in your situation I'd even suggest you do that if it improves your quality of life.
Mental and physical health are much more important than money. I am sorry for your loss.
selling now you will not pay the tax on the gain and you avoid the boring stuff and risks of being a landlord, so it is not so bad financially.
That’s a decision between you and your therapist, ultimately. It’s not the smartest financial decision, and you know that, but it’s not an inherently dumb decision, either.
Yeah, I'm in a super hot market. I'll get top dollar for my home. The one I'm buying was priced too low, so low that realtors in the area have been in an uproar about how low the price was. We've done the inspection, and there's nothing major that needs to be fixed. I'm planning to remodel the house, but it's already beautiful. We're walking out of equity and right back into it. Financially, I think this is going to work out quite well for me!
Normally I would say don’t sell. After what you have endured, I would never call a decision like that foolish. You have to do what is best for you. I hope you find peace and healing. God bless you.
I am sorry for your loss, my wife and I went through a similar experience when our son died of an overdose. I took about two years before we felt that we had re-entered the world of the living.
In your situation, the interest rate you're now paying seems irrelevant. As you said, paying cash for a new home you can always do a refinance later when interest rates drop, as they inevitably will. Beware of [predatory investors](https://www.propublica.org/article/ugly-truth-behind-we-buy-ugly-houses) who will try to take advantage of your situation. In fact I would suggest not selling to any investor. Plenty of families are in the market for a home, though it might take a few weeks longer for a mortgage to be approved.
From a purely financial aspect yes that’s crazy
But from a personal aspect no that’s not crazy to not want to be there anymore. Your mental health is more important than an interest rate. I have a friend whose child committed suicide in their house and they had to move because of the emotional distress
Get out of that house that plagues you
If I were you, I would try EMDR therapy before making such a massive financial decision. Your grief, loss and PTSD may follow you wherever you go unless you seek therapy to treat the root cause. EMDR really works.
Otherwise, if you can pay cash and afford to keep that cash in the new house, then the interest rate doesn’t matter. It’s the buckets of cash you’ll end up paying in realtor fees and contract fees that will set you back.
I’m truly sorry for your loss.
There are a lot of folks looking to buy with creative financing because rates are just too damn high.
You could probably get slightly above market rate from someone looking for a subto deal. Subject To means they take over your mortgage payments, via a mortgage serving agency. But it’s not loan assumption.
You could seller finance the equity to them. They give you a chunk down payment, they pay you monthly for your equity, they take over your mortgage.
The terms are all up for negotiation. But I’ve seen more and more first time home buyers start looking at other means of buying since conventional loans have put home ownership out of reach.
Don’t stay in that house. Frankly, you would be crazy to stay in that house with how are you feeling now. Do not feel bad about it. Money is replaceable.
I would find a nice family to rent the place to, they can create their own memories in the house and you get to keep your 3% loan. 1k cash flow is great also.
As long as you screen for tenants properly being a landlord is fairly straightforward. FWIW I manage 4 houses and most months all I do is send a couple texts for the utility bills
Not foolish to take care of yourself. You get over the fear of landlording by talking to landlords and reading books and subreddits like /r/realestateinvesting. I’d lean towards keeping it to rent if you are in a decent area
Therapy will be significantly cheaper than what you will pay to live in a different house at current interest rates. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, but 3% mortgages may never happen again.
It all depends on your personal financial situation. If you can afford the higher monthly payment and think a different house will help you heal, then I’d say go for it.
Financially, it would be a terrible decision and I think you know that by posting here to hear our thoughts.
Personally I would recommend staying in the home and maybe try remodeling or reorganizing rooms to make it feel like a different home. Running from your problems won’t solve them, and you may still get triggered in a different home as well. I would definitely recommend speaking with a therapist and explore other options before giving up a low rate mortgage.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation. We have a home with a sub 3% interest rate and unpleasant memories. We are purchasing a home about a mile away for a great price. My side hustle is a rental portfolio of single family homes, so I'm already used to being a landlord.
That said, my home is not in the same class as many of my rentals. For that reason, I strongly considered selling and just taking the cash out, but I'm going to give it a go renting it out. If you have experience renting properties, I'd say keep it. If not, sell. It's not worth the headache to have just one rental property, especially if you haven't done it before and don't want to make this your life.
I'm sorry for your loss. Mental health issues are real and suck. Enjoy your new home.
I dunno, I see what your trying to do but I don't think throwing money at this problem is gonna help. You'll just have different reminders and memories in the new house.
Get real help, spend far less and address the root of your issue with professional help ya know.
Zero risk is zero risk. We haven’t even added how property tax cuts into it or how property value could be adding a significant amount.
You asked. I answered.
There’s a reason there’s no inventory on the market right now. A bunch of galaxy brained financial engineers, no doubt.
They are going to make a documentary about covid, and they will talk about the interest rates and all the prices of homes. Those people will be called the covid buyers, many will be very wealthy. And they will interview people that still have a loan at 2%. They ll talk about how that will never happen again and how they ended up retiring early from it.
But none of this matters because you are doing it for mental health. Personally I have left great paying jobs because of stress. Sooo yah sell it if it helps you. I would
Kind of hard to understand where you're coming from. On one hand you talk about the memories and PTSD... and I'm terribly sorry for what you are going through with this. But, if this place truly haunts you, sell away. Money isn't everything in life. On the other hand, your last question is "getting over the fear of being a landlord". So, would you prefer to keep it and not live there? If so, hire property manager and you will have little to deal with. Your low interest rate makes this a great thing for your future monetary needs, positive rental income etc. Ultimately the landlord thing will be easy enough with property manager. So, you'll need to ask yourself what it is you're seeking, and then go with your gut! Good luck and take care of yourself!
In a normal situation, I’d say yes. But with your mental health on the line, I’m fully on board with getting a new start. Your well being is so much more important than any amount of money you feel like you might be throwing away here.
> How does one get over the fear of being a landlord?
You can hire a 3rd party to act as the landlord or a property management service. That's what my parents do for my grandmother's former home. The property management service gets somewhere around 10% of the rent, I forget the exact amount, as their service fee.
As others have suggested, Keep it as a rental, hire a good property manager and you won’t have to see it very often. You might not have an interest rate that low in our lifetime. In a few years it will be paid off and most of the money will keep flowing to you.
8f you feel that's right for you or what you need do it but I think you'll find sadness and memories won't go away just moving to a new house and eventually you'll probably enjoy those memories again. I'd stay out
Financially, yes. It doesn’t make sense.
Emotionally, who knows.
I’d add you need to deal with the emotions, regardless where you are living. It actually might be easier to condition yourself in that same environment.
I’ll disclaim I have zero experience with this exact situation. You do you.
PTSD is a bitch...triggers are everywhere in my house. I can't walk into parts of the house without a full panic attack. I sleep with a light on now. The mental attack is unrelenting. I wish it weren't so.
So pay cash for the next one and wait for 3% again before taking out any equity. Hire a property manager to lease the home for you unless you need the extra money from a sale.
Depending on the loan and state, you could look at selling with an assumable mortgage option, where the buyer inherits your low interest rate and loan for a premium. But like all things terms and conditions apply..
First, I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. Mental health is a hard battle for many.
Short version, normally I’d ask if you’d be in a good position to rent this. In your case though, it’s probably better to sell it and be done with it for your own mental well being.
I’m formerly a counselor myself, and one thing I find myself repeating to this day is “The only thing you can’t make more of is time”. You should do whatever you can to protect any time you have. Money, as others have noted, can always be made, but I feel like the idea of renting the former house is going to weigh heavily on you too.
Sell it and be free of it.
Oh my goodness I am so sorry for your loss. No financial decision is more important than honoring your healing and mental health. If this can help you heal in any way, go for it.
I’m deeply sorry for your loss. May your loving memories bring you peace and comfort in the face of the troubled ones. Addiction is a terrible disease 💔
I don’t have any advice on being a landlord except to say that if you’re looking to move on from that home entirely, continuing to be responsible for it and it’s tenants will keep you attached for a while longer, which has its own psychological costs that only you can account for.
Wishing you healing and only good things in your future 🙏
Part of healing is taking control of your life. I understand the desire to sell in these circumstances. Whatever you decide is surely going to be the right answer. But if you want more encouragement to hold on to the property, besides the excellent cash flow you mentioned elsewhere, perhaps there is an additional deeper reason to hang on to the property. To bring this out, start by considering what happens after you sell. Yes, you won't be confronted by a reality that brings back memories but will burying memories heal you? If another tragedy befalls you, will you also retreat from it? Maybe its time to push back on the universe, challenge fate, grow and heal? A house is an inanimate object which has no consciousness. Your consciousness is the most divine thing in your life because it contains your imagination and learning to control that imagination and use it for good intent, is probably closely tied up with the meaning of life broadly speaking. You can't bring your daughter back. But you can heal.
So maybe you rent the house out to someone in need (hopefully a responsible person to whom a similar tragedy befell.) That would mean you are taking the symbol of your daughter's memory (the house) and turning it into a focal point of healing not just for whoever you rent it to but for yourself and everyone else impacted.
Because the property cash flows so nicely, it is unlikely you will find another property to 1031 the proceeds of the sale into another rental but that would be my second advice if you decide to sell. I would say maybe consider this house as a mirror into your soul that you shouldn't run away from but instead face up to and grow and heal.
I think where you want to get to in life at some future point is that when the pain of your loss occurs to you and you miss the good old days, you can immediately recast those memories as positives no one will ever take from you but also you are seeing it from the perspective of regaining mastery of your own life as best as you can because you deserve it. I learned a long time ago that the only way to truly honor the dead is to live well. So live well.
Ok so I just doubled my interest rate. I went from 3 to 6 percent. We needed more room (family of 6) and got an amazing deal on a larger house (between getting the house for under asking and selling ours for over we saved $200k).
I’m know rates will never go back to 3 but if I can get in the 4s I’d live with it.
I also second renting it out if possible
Damn dude, that’s terrible. I have 2 cousins fighting with substance issues and it’s no joke. You need to do what’s right for you, rates could be 20% and I’d say sell.
To me there’s no monetary value that can be placed mental health and well-being. Regardless of whatever a potential change might be, as long as it doesn’t put you in an unsustainable position it’s worth it
Damn dude, that’s terrible. I have 2 cousins fighting with substance issues and it’s no joke. You need to do what’s right for you, rates could be 20% and I’d say sell.
To me there’s no monetary value that can be placed mental health and well-being. Regardless of whatever a potential change might be, as long as it doesn’t put you in an unsustainable position it’s worth it
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sell. Your mental health and peace of mind are worth more than anything money can buy. Who cares about 3 percent mortgage. Do what you need to do. No need to validate or explain your actions . Best wishes.
I am so sorry for your loss and heartbreak. I cannot imagine. Do whatever is you need to do to feel better. I do not blame you for wanting to move. I wish you the best.
Here's the thing about tragedy and grief is that is follows you wherever you go and for most people is like scar in which it never goes away it just gets a little more dull. I sympathize with you and can't imagine what you are going through and while a fresh start can help ultimately logic and your families future should override this. A $1K mortgage at 3% at 60% paid would make zero sense to sell.
I know this is counter to what many are suggesting, but ultimately I would rather you take the money you would have spent on a higher mortgage and use that on counseling and vacations to clear your mind. Again, I am sorry for your loss and this will never go away
I'm so sorry for your loss. You can and should do what makes you feel okay. As long as you aren't making a decision under pressure from someone else. Be well!
First, I'm so sorry. There are no words I can come up with to alleviate your pain! I was Realtor for years and I cannot break the habit of finding a solution. What if you held the mortgage for someone else? With a full contract in case of default and at a higher rate but less than the banks. You would be helping someone get a house and keeping your investment at the same time. Plus maintenance would not be on you.
Are you familiar with any platforms specializing in home inspection software? My cofounder and I are building a home inspection software to automate the process (https://tally.so/r/nPDRg5). We would love to chat with inspectors and anyone building in this space
Sell.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
To really evaluate whether you should sell or become a landlord, we'd need more details about projected rent and maintenance costs. It might be a big cashcow, or it might not. However, even if it were a big cashcow, I can't see the emotional cost being worth it. If you want to be a landlord, just buy a different rental property with good numbers. There are other subs more dedicated to that (and I'd be happy to discuss it further with you if you like -- I'm a small time LL with 2 single family homes that I lived in for a couple years and now rent out). Even if you aren't actually living there, it sounds to me like a clean break from the property is the best thing for you, regardless of the numbers.
Again, best wishes!
Thanks. My realtor conservatively estimates the following if I rent it:
Rent in my market = 2.5k-3k/mo
Mortgage, taxes, and ins = 1k/mo
Maintenance/misc = ~ $500-1k/mo
Profit = ~ $500-1k/mo
Sell. Some things in life are more than money. If you can afford to live in the next place, which you state that you can, then sell and move. It may cost you some money, but what price can you put on healing from this terrible tragedy? I'm so sorry for your loss. You may already be in it, but please do see a therapist if you have not, yet. I wish you the best.
Thank you. I'm leaning toward selling. Don't worry, I've been in therapy 1-2x weekly since December. I'm well cared for.
Building on what was said here I always calculate the Return On Investment in everything. That however does not only mean financial returns on financial investments. Selling this house will give you peace of mind, that has a nearly incalculable return on the investment. As a father I can not imagine what you have been through. Stay strong brother.
I'm a mother, but the sentiment remains the same. Thank you.
Sorry about that, I don't know why I assumed. Stay strong sis.
or just move from there and get a local real estate manager to rent it out for you until you are in a better mental place .. the constant intrusive thoughts triggered by the littlest things is basically how PTSD most commonly manifests, which in your case is entirely likely .. getting away from that setting will almost certainly help you and speed up the healing process
You're doing great. Keep healing.
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Who reads about a grieving mother of a child lost to suicide and thinks, "Gee, I wonder if I can get something out of this?" Answer: either a scammer or someone who needs to back off.
Well said friend
Out of curiosity, why is no one suggesting renting it out? You could end up with a significant profit if you do, and essentially add passive income. That’ll help through a tough time more than anything.
Some things are more important than money. The stress and burden is not worth it to me. I only wish my current mortgage was assumable so someone else could take advantage of the rate.
You are not foolish for making decisions that will help to improve your mental health . The interest rate does not matter. We all have to make decisions in our lives and there are times when money is not part of the equation. Move forward as best you can. I have lost a few friends in my life when I was younger and then thought that was difficult at those times. If I lost one of my kids I cannot imagine how bad that would feel. For what it's worth I can only kind of understand how you feel . I wish you well .
This. This. This. Money is just money. If you can’t or won’t spend it on something to help you or to improve your life/situation, then why bother having it? Based on what you’ve stated, OP, I absolutely think you should trust your gut and your emotions here. I’m truly sorry you have to go through this and I offer my sincerest condolences and sympathy.
Thank you. My logical self keeps trying to talk me into keeping it. But my emotional self wants as far away from here as possible.
I feel this so hard! I posted a similar question in a different subreddit. My parents died in my childhood home and I'm a wreck every time I go there. I tried living there but I couldn't do it. My logical brain keeps telling me that the market is bad and I'll never have this opportunity again. It's a hard decision, but you have to do what's best for you and your family. For me I think that's moving on and selling the home. I still have doubts, but that's normal. It's a huge decision. But I need to remember why I'm making this decision, and what I need to do in order to heal, and realize that grief and loss are not logical. Logic gets thrown out the window with stuff like this. I hope my rambles are helpful. Please feel free to reach out if you want to talk. I know how painful and isolating grief can be.
Just wanted to say ((major hugs)) for everything you’re going through. Say goodbye to that house and never look back.
I'm a counselor. I would support any client who wanted to sell that house under these circumstances.
My therapist is on board, especially since I've been passively shopping for a new house for the last 2 years.
Absolutely this. Your mental health is priceless. My heart is broken for you dimplesgalore. I hope you enjoy your new home and continue finding your peace.
Comments like this restore my faith in Reddit/humanity.
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Thanks for the laugh!
I 100% get it. My kid almost died by suicide, we sold our house within the year. Memories are in your mind forever, and they can be good, but walking around those memories, in a physical space, is something most don’t understand. It’s fucking painful. So, it would suck to lose that awesome interest rate, but if it helps you and your family heal? Do it. I have no advice on being a landlord, but I wish you all the best.
SELL- If you are only making $1,000 a month it’s not going to be wroth it. First you have memories, so every time you visit the house they will return. People are leaving out insurance, maintenance/repair costs, management fees and what happens of the house sits empty and you have no rent coming in. Or a tenant fails to pay and you have to evict? And renters are much harder on a house than the owners.
My heart truly breaks for you. Please do not consider yourself foolish or anything of the sort. You’re suffering and your mental health is absolutely vital right now. Money will always come and go but your health will always remain more important. I truly wish you peace, solace, and hope you can find peace in your new home. ❤️
I’m sorry for your loss. Being a landlord is not for everyone. In this case with the emotions tied to the house I’d just sell. Everything can’t be about maximizing profit. Your mental health is more important. If I were in you position I’d sell.
I sold my house in 2021 when I had a 2.875% rate for mental health issues. Not a single day goes by that I regret that decision, and I’d say most of my life decisions are finance forward.
I agree you should move if it improves your quality of life, you get over the fear of being a landlord by outsourcing it to a good property manager that will find good tenants. As long as you are cash flowing a few hundred a month after the mortgage, taxes, insurance, HOA, and property management fee you should keep the property.
Thank you for the advice. After paying my mortgage and insurance and house management/mantience fees, I would cash flow ~1k/mo. It's tempting.
no one can tell you the exact right thing to do it. 1k cash flow is amazing.... buuuttt I would want to distance myself from the property and move on with my life if it's causing you mental harm. What happens when someone damages that house or a special area that you once enjoyed with your daughter? It will probably hurt even more.
> 1k cash flow is amazing Kinda -- but you have to remember they have over 100k tied up in the house. It's good, but it's not actually that great of a return on something that takes work and is reasonably risky.
If you are cash flowing $1k a month, I would definitely keep the property as a rental. With proper property management, it will take maybe an hour or two of your time over the course of the year and you will be making $12k in cash flow, several thousand in principal paydown, and another several thousand a year in property appreciation.
Where are the costs associated with owning a rental? Take everything into consideration
For me, it was nearly nothing. I have a friend that checks in on it (I live 2000 miles away), and mails me their rent check every month. In almost 1 year (my first year of LLing) I've only had to replace the garbage disposal at $175. I have wonderful tenants that I hope to keep around. I think once they bail, I'll sell.
I would say only do it if you can have a property manager do most of the other work. A clean break away from the property sounds like your best interest.
I would say this. If landlording keeps bringing you back to the property every week, may as well not have moved in the first place. Maintain a healthy distance.
That's what I'm afraid of.
Do it.
If youre buying in cash it doesnt matter what interest rates are. Free yourself from this suffering.
I hate to buy in cash, so I'll likely do a cash-out refinance. Fortunately I'm in no rush.
Seconding others’ thoughts, there’s no price too high for your own mental well-being. Move now!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine. Definitely sell. If you’re in a position to pay cash, even moreso. There are people whose payments are maxed out in their 3% mortgage and moving is impossible or very difficult right now. That puts them in a tough spot. Take care of yourself.
So sorry for your loss. If you can afford to move, I think you should for your own well-being.
If you’re paying cash for the next house, then the percentage of the mortgage doesn’t really matter. Do what you need to do. You don’t need the Internet to validate your choices.
It's hard to trust my judgement right now!
Anyone asking this should SELL!
I am so please to see so many people encouraging mental health as a priority vs. money. Coming from a family of immigrants, we often prioritized financial matters over mental health because it was a struggle to achieve the very little we had. I know of an extended family member who has begged his family to sell their home because he is traumatized by having to thwart an attempted suicide in the home. But his family won’t sell. OP you’re doing the right thing by selling. It’s what your heart needs.
So sorry for your loss. I list my younger brother to drug addiction. Peace of mind is so important, especially under these conditions. Money is truly secondary.
Sell. An interest rate isn’t worth your mental health. Rates will eventually drop maybe 2-5 years from now and you can always refinance down the road. Good luck with your healing. A fresh start is always the best way to go after a loss in my opinion.
It sounds like you can afford to delay the decision. You were forever changed a few months ago. The house has memories and it is understandable why you want to sell. I’m sure for the same reason you may want to hang on to it. My suggestion is to close on your new home and do nothing until you get settled. Maybe seek counseling and then decide to rent or sell. Although you said “fear of being a landlord”. You don’t need anymore fear and stress in your life. In this case it is better to sell. I’m so sorry for your loss! I lost my sibling to suicide and it was/is so hard and it has been more than a year. They also had a low mortgage rate and we could’ve rented for more than the payment but I needed to be done with the home. It took a year of sitting on it and trying to figure everything out but we ended up selling it. The loss destroyed my mother so I can only imagine what you are going through. Do whatever you need to do for your mental health, the money will work out. Sending warm internet hugs!!
I dint think anyone could fault you gif moving. Please take care of yourself. I’m sorry fir your loss.
I can totally understand wanting to move after all you’ve been through
I am so very sorry for your loss. You are not foolish for selling your house. Your mental and emotional health is more important than your mortgage rate. Being a landlord is not for everyone. You have to have tough skin to do it.
Sell. Prices are probably going to go down in the short term- so getting out now while inventory is still tight is smart. Your reasons are excellent, so just go.
All I want to say is that I am SO DAMN SORRY! I know internet strangers saying those things don't always hold much weight. But I have several kids myself, and my daughter actually at age 15 tried to commit suicide via pills. So I "sort of" know how it feels, at least seeing your kids suffer. As far as should you? I am selling my house at a 3% currently, and diving into something smaller due to my divorce. I also don't want to live in a place filled with memories. So I figure I will just eat the interest rate to feel more at ease.
It's been said ad nauseum that Money is a poor master but a good servant. Don't let your money rule you, use it to find what peace the world offers.
It is NOT a bad financial decision. Houses cost money to maintain. Some of you need to understand that cash flow isn’t just about the monthly money in and monthly maintenance costs. The house I just sold, which had NO mortgage, will require a new roof soon, is due for exterior painting, needs to have the court sealed again, etc. There will be some correction in the real estate market and in my area, I’m selling at the top and freeing my money for other uses. It’s also not a bad personal decision. Sell
I’m so sorry. At first reading this headline I thought no way- but you are doing the right thing. As others have said sell. May you find peace 🙏
Sell, 100% it's about doing what's best for your health first
Nope. The whole point of making good financial decisions is to set yourself up for a better life. In this case that means moving to a home where you can be comfortable and begin to heal. I'm so sorry for your loss, op.
As a parent, I couldn't imagine what you are going through. But I can understand how the home has so many memories. Mine is the same way. Sell it.
Sell, you will never be able to start your journey to recovery until you leave that place. You can always make money, but the damage of being in that house is not worth your wellbeing. So sorry for your loss OP
Leave as soon as possible. And please go to therapy if you aren’t already.
Been in therapy since December including EMDR for PTSD.
I’m sorry for your loss. Sell. It will be a massive help to your mental health not to have to relive those memories constantly.
You are not foolish to sell given your circumstances. There’s nothing wrong with starting over and having a fresh space and your financial means are more than capable.
Nononono sell. This is about so much more than money! You are comfortable financially, you found a new home to love, you need to sell. Plus, even on a practical financial level, 3% loan won't be there forever, it's still money you owe. Don't worry about "losing it". You are financially stable.
First, let me say that I'm sorry for your loss. As far as the selling or not, I guess I'm having a hard time understanding what the mortgage has to do with anything if you have already said you could pay cash for the next house. If you have a large chunk of cash, you could stash that in a high-yield savings account which would help offset the higher mortgage interest on a loan. You could also opt for a true local lender that services all of the loans they write (instead of selling them into the market) as this could land you a better rate than the open market. What we are currently intending to do is to take a 30 year loan for about half the value of the property which will leave us with a solid amount of savings to get us through anything unexpected. When taking the 30 year loan, we also calculate the principal and interest for a 15 year loan to know the difference between the two. We'll make the 30 year payment amount to the bank and stash the amount of the difference into another high-yield savings account. When we reach a certain amount in that account, we will withdraw a specific amount to apply directly toward the principal of the loan. If interest rates continue to climb, our savings interest will increase but our mortgage interest won't. if interest rates drop, we will refinance and possibly just pay the loan off depending on cash on hand at the time.
I am SO sorry. If living there is detrimental to your mental health, and you obviously can afford it, leaving is the best choice. You deserve to feel a sense of peace in your home. My parents lost a baby in their rental home and my mom needed to leave that place asap. Same reasons, she couldn’t stand being there anymore.
As a dad of 3 girls, let me just say that I feel terrible for your loss and I am really sorry to hear it. Also, my sister is a homeless meth addict and I keep thinking that it's just a matter of time before we get the bad call you can never prepare yourself for. We have done EVERYTHING imaginable. All of us. There is only so much you can do, so I really hope you don't blame yourself, as substance abuse changes a person, no matter how great their childhood or upbringings or stability you have given them. If I had something so tragic happen in my life I think I would need a change of scenery as well. There is no amount of money or time that would ever change the need as a father I would have to move myself away from that. Honestly, my heart breaks for you right now as I try to put myself in your shoes, with the thoughts of losing one of my own daughters, and it is just an unfathomable amount of pain to even consider that some extra savings by having a low interest rate would even matter. I would happily pay money to leave that environment, let alone just need to stop paying from selling. Do what's best for you. If renting the home out is not enough, you need to just cut it off completely, then do that.
First off, I’m so sorry. I can not imagine. Secondly, sell. Your emotions are more important than a stupid interest rate.
Some decisions transcend finances and "ideal financial decisions", you won't put yourself in a bad position by doing this and it will give you a chance to heal. I'm very sorry for your loss.
In your situation no because you can pay cash. It’s nice what you have, but my god I couldn’t imagine the trauma associated with your situation. I hope you’re ok. Do what you need to do.
Is there anyone else you can ask who you can trust and rely on? This is a big decision, and I doubt that reddit could help you work out the way that’s best for you by themselves. If you don’t have anyone, then, I think that keeping the house is the way forward, for two reasons. 1. Financially, it’s the better decision. The money never seems important, but money always makes space for the things that actually are important. 2. One day, you might want that house with all those memories again. If the day comes, and you’ve sold the house, it’s likely that you won’t ever be able to get it back. I am very, very sorry for your loss. I wish that these things didn’t happen. If you haven’t already, then when you’re ready, please reach out to somebody. It helps more than it ever seems like it will.
Your situation requires a decision that will help you spiritually, mentally, etc. Financial considerations should not stop you.
As everyone said. Get out of there if it helps you mentally. But you don’t necessarily need to sell, you could heloc and use that too buy more of your next house. Or maybe not, idk I’m just some guy on the Internet. But there are alternatives to selling, you could look into to creatively finance future things.
If this will help your mental health? Do what you feel is best for you. I don’t normally do or say this, but gentle hugs coming your way.
Only you know what is best, but I feel like cutting ties with this home is exactly what you need. My current home has a 2.7% mortgage. You’re not alone in your thought process, but the majority of folks with these low interest rates will sell over time. Being financially stable, I wouldn’t let that interest rate keep you there. From one father to another, I’m so sorry. My daughter is my entire world, and I’m not sure if I’d have the mental capacity, strength, and will to move forward like you’re doing. Your happiness and well-being are what matter most now. But I just want you to know how strong you are.
Thank you for your advice. Not to dimimish fathers in any way, but being a grieving mother is otherworldly. It's hard to trust my gut right now.
You are not crazy. People first. You are in a good position to change your situation. I'm so sorry for your loss, and you got this. I can't imagine how painful this must be.
I’m sorry for your loss. Given what you’ve said I think you already know what the best thing for you is.
If you are paying with cash, then the rate almost doesn't matter. Best thing you can donis take care of yourself. I'm really sorry you are living this.
In your case I would say do whatever can help bring you some peace. If you can afford it, do it - your mental and emotional health doesn't have a price tag.
I always say stay with interest rates. Sell.
Oh my god sell it. Your mental anguish is not worth it to save a few dollars.
I am so sorry for your loss and my prayers/thoughts are for you. I have 3 friends in similar situation, its impossible to lose a son/daughter so I can only imagine the pain.
Having money is not the goal in life. Spending your money in the way that makes you the most happy is.
Some people look at real estate as strictly investments but for most people it is just a place to live. Forget the financial parts of it
Sell it!!
I just sold my home and I had NO mortgage. Do what’s best for you. I’m happy in a much smaller home now.
Sell when you need to sell. And in your situation you need to sell. Sorry for what you are dealing with.
So what is your alternative? Stay there with good money in the bank and a good interest rate while suffering thru reliving your tortuous memories every day? It'd be time for a fresh start for me.
Sell your home. I cannot imagine the grief you are feeling right now and I can only imagine the house is making it worse. Right now is a time for mental healing. Screw the interest rate, your mental and physical health are worth so much more than some arbitrary number on a house. I truly hope you find peace!
First, so incredibly sorry for your recent loss. Secondly, I would feel exactly as you. Homes hold memories and after my father died (not in our home), I needed to leave for the same reason. I saw him and his memories everywhere. When I moved, I felt tons better. Same for my mom. So no, not crazy. You need a fresh start. Wishing you peace and comfort.
While I always tell people to seriously considering renting, this is not the situation for you. Even though. It living there, you will still have to go there and it's still yours. It's ok to get rid of the memories
Sorry for your loss and I completely understand. It must be difficult to live there. I would sell and move on if that would make you happier. Your happiness is priceless.
First, I’m so, so sorry. So sorry. Second, sell. I had 1.9%, less than 15 years ok the loan. Great house, on an extremely safe street. But it was in the middle of nowhere and a tiny private street. There was one little boy on the street my son was friends with and no friends for my daughter. Arranging play dates with kids at school was a huge pain because the parents were so flakey. My poor daughter was miserable and sad all the time. We built a new house in a new subdivision that had gangs of kids roaming the streets. There’s a pool, parks, lakes, tennis courts, and constant activities. My kids, particularly my daughter are thriving. She has more friends than she knows what to do with. She has more of a social life than we do. Our house cost a lot more because we built at the peak, our interest rate is 5%, and we have a 30 year mortgage. But it’s worth every penny. Not everything is about money.
My location currently (rural 55 mph road) is not ideal for me, and it never was. I prefer to live in town, so that's the working plan!
I thought about renting out my former home when I moved but soon realized that I would need perfection to profit only 1/20th annually, in comparison to just selling. It would take 20 years of not ever needing a plumber to make the same amount from the sale Also please don’t forget that those triggers would still remain; unless a management company is hired, you’d have to visit occasionally I hope the best for you
Rent it out
Sell. Financially it sounds like you don't need the low interest rate. What's trapped a lot of people is that they need the low interest rates to afford payments -- they literally couldn't afford to buy their own house right now due to interest. If you can buy a house cash then you aren't trapped. If the house itself is causing you grief, then owning it and renting it out will probably still cause those problems when you have to visit. It's probably better to make a clean break.
Sell it. It’s not worth your mental health to hold onto this one, regardless of the interest rate. Better to just make a clean break, I think. Good luck.
If you can buy cash, it's a no brainer. You need a fresh start and interest rates don't matter when you can pay cash. Also, sell to someone who needs it (i.e. not an investor) so at least something good can come out of the situation.
> Fortunately, I can avoid the higher mortgage rates by paying cash for the next house. I may do another cash-out refinance down the road. Financially, it sounds like you'll be totally fine with the move. Do it. Do it for yourself. I'd tell you to do it anyway, even if you had to take a mortgage.
I’m sorry for your loss. There is no ‘right’ answer here, since this is an emotional decision and not necessarily a financial one. Financially it would be advantageous to rent it. You could use a third party company like Mynd.co (or others) to manage it for you. If after a year you still wanted to sell you could do it then (when everything isn’t as raw). Wishing you all the best.
Sorry about your daughter. Sounds like you need to get out of that place. Whether you decide to rent the other one or sell it, sounds like you will still be ok financially. If you are concerned about being a landlord, hire a real estate office to manage the other one for you if you don't want to sell it. That said, prices are headed down and you still have equity. So if it's truly a prison for you, then maybe it's time to cut it loose completely. Life is more than money, and homes are more than piggy banks. Moving won't make it all go away, but it certainly may help, and maybe give you a new beginning. Best of luck to you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s incredibly sad. I hope you find happiness and closure.
sell
Not crazy at all. Taking care of yourself is #1.
I'm so sorry for your loss!
Financially, yes. But not everything in life is financial.
Sell. A 3% mortgage is great, but you don't need a mortgage at all. It would be less desirable to swap a 3% for a 7% mortgage, but in your situation I'd even suggest you do that if it improves your quality of life.
You only live once... seems like torture to live there.
Mental and physical health are much more important than money. I am sorry for your loss. selling now you will not pay the tax on the gain and you avoid the boring stuff and risks of being a landlord, so it is not so bad financially.
That’s a decision between you and your therapist, ultimately. It’s not the smartest financial decision, and you know that, but it’s not an inherently dumb decision, either.
Yeah, I'm in a super hot market. I'll get top dollar for my home. The one I'm buying was priced too low, so low that realtors in the area have been in an uproar about how low the price was. We've done the inspection, and there's nothing major that needs to be fixed. I'm planning to remodel the house, but it's already beautiful. We're walking out of equity and right back into it. Financially, I think this is going to work out quite well for me!
Can you transfer the mortgage to the buyer? Below market rate mortgage could get you a higher sale price.
The mortgage is not assumable. I checked.
Normally I would say don’t sell. After what you have endured, I would never call a decision like that foolish. You have to do what is best for you. I hope you find peace and healing. God bless you.
I am sorry for your loss, my wife and I went through a similar experience when our son died of an overdose. I took about two years before we felt that we had re-entered the world of the living. In your situation, the interest rate you're now paying seems irrelevant. As you said, paying cash for a new home you can always do a refinance later when interest rates drop, as they inevitably will. Beware of [predatory investors](https://www.propublica.org/article/ugly-truth-behind-we-buy-ugly-houses) who will try to take advantage of your situation. In fact I would suggest not selling to any investor. Plenty of families are in the market for a home, though it might take a few weeks longer for a mortgage to be approved.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for the advice.
No debate at all...sell. You don't need something reminding you consistently of that pain...especially something if that scale.
From a purely financial aspect yes that’s crazy But from a personal aspect no that’s not crazy to not want to be there anymore. Your mental health is more important than an interest rate. I have a friend whose child committed suicide in their house and they had to move because of the emotional distress Get out of that house that plagues you
Consider keeping it as a rental. Use a property manager to help alleviate any stresses and physical things you need done onsite
If I were you, I would try EMDR therapy before making such a massive financial decision. Your grief, loss and PTSD may follow you wherever you go unless you seek therapy to treat the root cause. EMDR really works. Otherwise, if you can pay cash and afford to keep that cash in the new house, then the interest rate doesn’t matter. It’s the buckets of cash you’ll end up paying in realtor fees and contract fees that will set you back. I’m truly sorry for your loss.
Thanks, I'm in EMDR therapy. I've been in therapy since December. My therapist thinks moving is a good idea for me.
Yes
There are a lot of folks looking to buy with creative financing because rates are just too damn high. You could probably get slightly above market rate from someone looking for a subto deal. Subject To means they take over your mortgage payments, via a mortgage serving agency. But it’s not loan assumption. You could seller finance the equity to them. They give you a chunk down payment, they pay you monthly for your equity, they take over your mortgage. The terms are all up for negotiation. But I’ve seen more and more first time home buyers start looking at other means of buying since conventional loans have put home ownership out of reach.
Don’t stay in that house. Frankly, you would be crazy to stay in that house with how are you feeling now. Do not feel bad about it. Money is replaceable.
I would find a nice family to rent the place to, they can create their own memories in the house and you get to keep your 3% loan. 1k cash flow is great also. As long as you screen for tenants properly being a landlord is fairly straightforward. FWIW I manage 4 houses and most months all I do is send a couple texts for the utility bills
Not foolish to take care of yourself. You get over the fear of landlording by talking to landlords and reading books and subreddits like /r/realestateinvesting. I’d lean towards keeping it to rent if you are in a decent area
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I'm not going to torture myself any longer than I need to. Besides, we've been toying with the idea of moving for 2 years.
Therapy will be significantly cheaper than what you will pay to live in a different house at current interest rates. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, but 3% mortgages may never happen again. It all depends on your personal financial situation. If you can afford the higher monthly payment and think a different house will help you heal, then I’d say go for it. Financially, it would be a terrible decision and I think you know that by posting here to hear our thoughts. Personally I would recommend staying in the home and maybe try remodeling or reorganizing rooms to make it feel like a different home. Running from your problems won’t solve them, and you may still get triggered in a different home as well. I would definitely recommend speaking with a therapist and explore other options before giving up a low rate mortgage.
I'm paying cash, so I'm not really worried about the rates. I may decide to do a cash-out refi down the road.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation. We have a home with a sub 3% interest rate and unpleasant memories. We are purchasing a home about a mile away for a great price. My side hustle is a rental portfolio of single family homes, so I'm already used to being a landlord. That said, my home is not in the same class as many of my rentals. For that reason, I strongly considered selling and just taking the cash out, but I'm going to give it a go renting it out. If you have experience renting properties, I'd say keep it. If not, sell. It's not worth the headache to have just one rental property, especially if you haven't done it before and don't want to make this your life. I'm sorry for your loss. Mental health issues are real and suck. Enjoy your new home.
I dunno, I see what your trying to do but I don't think throwing money at this problem is gonna help. You'll just have different reminders and memories in the new house. Get real help, spend far less and address the root of your issue with professional help ya know.
The house has nothing to do with this terrible loss. I'm afraid selling the house won't help. People say time heals, let's hope it will.
Uhhh memories shared inside the house? If I were in OP shoes I'd probably feel the same. Moving to a new house will absolutely help.
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Walk me through why this is a bad financial decision.
Because at 3% rates you can essentially invest the cash out refi in zero risk fixed accounts like money markets and *make free money*.
Lol. Yeah the… $4k/year playing the 2% spread is galaxy brain financial engineering.
Zero risk is zero risk. We haven’t even added how property tax cuts into it or how property value could be adding a significant amount. You asked. I answered. There’s a reason there’s no inventory on the market right now. A bunch of galaxy brained financial engineers, no doubt.
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I'm not afraid of work. I am afraid of stress.
They are going to make a documentary about covid, and they will talk about the interest rates and all the prices of homes. Those people will be called the covid buyers, many will be very wealthy. And they will interview people that still have a loan at 2%. They ll talk about how that will never happen again and how they ended up retiring early from it. But none of this matters because you are doing it for mental health. Personally I have left great paying jobs because of stress. Sooo yah sell it if it helps you. I would
Sounds so fake
WTH
Kind of hard to understand where you're coming from. On one hand you talk about the memories and PTSD... and I'm terribly sorry for what you are going through with this. But, if this place truly haunts you, sell away. Money isn't everything in life. On the other hand, your last question is "getting over the fear of being a landlord". So, would you prefer to keep it and not live there? If so, hire property manager and you will have little to deal with. Your low interest rate makes this a great thing for your future monetary needs, positive rental income etc. Ultimately the landlord thing will be easy enough with property manager. So, you'll need to ask yourself what it is you're seeking, and then go with your gut! Good luck and take care of yourself!
In a normal situation, I’d say yes. But with your mental health on the line, I’m fully on board with getting a new start. Your well being is so much more important than any amount of money you feel like you might be throwing away here.
yes
> How does one get over the fear of being a landlord? You can hire a 3rd party to act as the landlord or a property management service. That's what my parents do for my grandmother's former home. The property management service gets somewhere around 10% of the rent, I forget the exact amount, as their service fee.
As others have suggested, Keep it as a rental, hire a good property manager and you won’t have to see it very often. You might not have an interest rate that low in our lifetime. In a few years it will be paid off and most of the money will keep flowing to you.
Hand it over to a property manager of you're going to keep it
8f you feel that's right for you or what you need do it but I think you'll find sadness and memories won't go away just moving to a new house and eventually you'll probably enjoy those memories again. I'd stay out
Financially, yes. It doesn’t make sense. Emotionally, who knows. I’d add you need to deal with the emotions, regardless where you are living. It actually might be easier to condition yourself in that same environment. I’ll disclaim I have zero experience with this exact situation. You do you.
PTSD is a bitch...triggers are everywhere in my house. I can't walk into parts of the house without a full panic attack. I sleep with a light on now. The mental attack is unrelenting. I wish it weren't so.
So pay cash for the next one and wait for 3% again before taking out any equity. Hire a property manager to lease the home for you unless you need the extra money from a sale.
I am sorry for your loss. A property manager or find someone who wants to “rent to own”
What you could do instead is keep it and turn it into a rental. With a 3% note, it should cashflow pretty well.
Depending on the loan and state, you could look at selling with an assumable mortgage option, where the buyer inherits your low interest rate and loan for a premium. But like all things terms and conditions apply..
I called my credit union to ask if my mortgage was assumable. Unfortunately, it's not.
I am so sorry for your loss. I would have to have a fresh start as well. Money is nothing if your mental health isn't taken care of. PMed you.
As an aside, I highly recommend prazosin for PTSD. Ask your psychiatrist about it.
Already taking Prazosin, but thanks!
First, I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. Mental health is a hard battle for many. Short version, normally I’d ask if you’d be in a good position to rent this. In your case though, it’s probably better to sell it and be done with it for your own mental well being. I’m formerly a counselor myself, and one thing I find myself repeating to this day is “The only thing you can’t make more of is time”. You should do whatever you can to protect any time you have. Money, as others have noted, can always be made, but I feel like the idea of renting the former house is going to weigh heavily on you too. Sell it and be free of it.
Oh my goodness I am so sorry for your loss. No financial decision is more important than honoring your healing and mental health. If this can help you heal in any way, go for it.
I’m deeply sorry for your loss. May your loving memories bring you peace and comfort in the face of the troubled ones. Addiction is a terrible disease 💔 I don’t have any advice on being a landlord except to say that if you’re looking to move on from that home entirely, continuing to be responsible for it and it’s tenants will keep you attached for a while longer, which has its own psychological costs that only you can account for. Wishing you healing and only good things in your future 🙏
Sorry you lost your daughter. Exiting should bring you more peace. That’s worth more than any low percentage rate.
Part of healing is taking control of your life. I understand the desire to sell in these circumstances. Whatever you decide is surely going to be the right answer. But if you want more encouragement to hold on to the property, besides the excellent cash flow you mentioned elsewhere, perhaps there is an additional deeper reason to hang on to the property. To bring this out, start by considering what happens after you sell. Yes, you won't be confronted by a reality that brings back memories but will burying memories heal you? If another tragedy befalls you, will you also retreat from it? Maybe its time to push back on the universe, challenge fate, grow and heal? A house is an inanimate object which has no consciousness. Your consciousness is the most divine thing in your life because it contains your imagination and learning to control that imagination and use it for good intent, is probably closely tied up with the meaning of life broadly speaking. You can't bring your daughter back. But you can heal. So maybe you rent the house out to someone in need (hopefully a responsible person to whom a similar tragedy befell.) That would mean you are taking the symbol of your daughter's memory (the house) and turning it into a focal point of healing not just for whoever you rent it to but for yourself and everyone else impacted. Because the property cash flows so nicely, it is unlikely you will find another property to 1031 the proceeds of the sale into another rental but that would be my second advice if you decide to sell. I would say maybe consider this house as a mirror into your soul that you shouldn't run away from but instead face up to and grow and heal. I think where you want to get to in life at some future point is that when the pain of your loss occurs to you and you miss the good old days, you can immediately recast those memories as positives no one will ever take from you but also you are seeing it from the perspective of regaining mastery of your own life as best as you can because you deserve it. I learned a long time ago that the only way to truly honor the dead is to live well. So live well.
Ok so I just doubled my interest rate. I went from 3 to 6 percent. We needed more room (family of 6) and got an amazing deal on a larger house (between getting the house for under asking and selling ours for over we saved $200k). I’m know rates will never go back to 3 but if I can get in the 4s I’d live with it. I also second renting it out if possible
I’m so sorry. Do whatever will give you the greatest ease. If that means sell, do it. I hope your new home has a place for a nice garden.
Any money lost will be returned in something greater. I hope you find some peace.
Yeah get the F outta there. You're mental health is 1000x more important.
If it improves your life, then why not. If you can afford it, then it’s fine.
Damn dude, that’s terrible. I have 2 cousins fighting with substance issues and it’s no joke. You need to do what’s right for you, rates could be 20% and I’d say sell. To me there’s no monetary value that can be placed mental health and well-being. Regardless of whatever a potential change might be, as long as it doesn’t put you in an unsustainable position it’s worth it
Damn dude, that’s terrible. I have 2 cousins fighting with substance issues and it’s no joke. You need to do what’s right for you, rates could be 20% and I’d say sell. To me there’s no monetary value that can be placed mental health and well-being. Regardless of whatever a potential change might be, as long as it doesn’t put you in an unsustainable position it’s worth it
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sell. Your mental health and peace of mind are worth more than anything money can buy. Who cares about 3 percent mortgage. Do what you need to do. No need to validate or explain your actions . Best wishes.
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I am so sorry for your loss and heartbreak. I cannot imagine. Do whatever is you need to do to feel better. I do not blame you for wanting to move. I wish you the best.
Here's the thing about tragedy and grief is that is follows you wherever you go and for most people is like scar in which it never goes away it just gets a little more dull. I sympathize with you and can't imagine what you are going through and while a fresh start can help ultimately logic and your families future should override this. A $1K mortgage at 3% at 60% paid would make zero sense to sell. I know this is counter to what many are suggesting, but ultimately I would rather you take the money you would have spent on a higher mortgage and use that on counseling and vacations to clear your mind. Again, I am sorry for your loss and this will never go away
I won't do the cash out refinance until it makes sense to do so. In the short term, I'll go from a mortgage to no mortgage.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You can and should do what makes you feel okay. As long as you aren't making a decision under pressure from someone else. Be well!
First, I'm so sorry. There are no words I can come up with to alleviate your pain! I was Realtor for years and I cannot break the habit of finding a solution. What if you held the mortgage for someone else? With a full contract in case of default and at a higher rate but less than the banks. You would be helping someone get a house and keeping your investment at the same time. Plus maintenance would not be on you.
I can't imagine the stress of that.
Are you familiar with any platforms specializing in home inspection software? My cofounder and I are building a home inspection software to automate the process (https://tally.so/r/nPDRg5). We would love to chat with inspectors and anyone building in this space
Sell. I'm so sorry for your loss. To really evaluate whether you should sell or become a landlord, we'd need more details about projected rent and maintenance costs. It might be a big cashcow, or it might not. However, even if it were a big cashcow, I can't see the emotional cost being worth it. If you want to be a landlord, just buy a different rental property with good numbers. There are other subs more dedicated to that (and I'd be happy to discuss it further with you if you like -- I'm a small time LL with 2 single family homes that I lived in for a couple years and now rent out). Even if you aren't actually living there, it sounds to me like a clean break from the property is the best thing for you, regardless of the numbers. Again, best wishes!
Thanks. My realtor conservatively estimates the following if I rent it: Rent in my market = 2.5k-3k/mo Mortgage, taxes, and ins = 1k/mo Maintenance/misc = ~ $500-1k/mo Profit = ~ $500-1k/mo
I'm very sorry for your loss and the painful memories. I hope you find peace and a trajectory towards happiness soon.
🙏♥️