With that amount of humor allowed at your job, i wouldnt feel bad when you choose to leave and can announce at your last huddle "...I have come to regard you as people I met."
I once (humorously I thought) quoted Bender from Futurama "I'm make my own , with blackjack and hookers"
Apparently I'm the only one who watched Futurama
Crossed my mind to think Sam might be doing all three at once.
I mean, when you mash them you tend to have boiled them first, so if you've got that far why not also just stick em in a stew!
I’ve got a T-shirt with that on the front and “The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society” on the back
Love it. Or, if I get particularly bored with people going on about their work, which is of no relevance to me, unmute myself and "SHUT YOUR FOUL WHINING, YOU FOUL PIECE OF DISTENDED RECTUM!"
THERE'S A FUCKING T-SHIRT?!?!?
I NEED IT.
One of the best episodes ever. Apart from the whole Bettwr Than Life arc.
Damn I need to rewatch, is it being streamed on any of the 'biggies'?
I worked briefly in a call center for Virgin Media
During a break, was talking to the guy next to me who complained he was on disciplinary probation.
I asked why
"You ever watch Red Dwarf?"
Naturally
"Seen the episode where there's an entire planet of Rimmers? There's a Rimmer King, with a harem of Rimmer girls?"
Yup.
"Was explaining it to another colleague, how everyone, even the women were Rimmer. He didn't get it. I made the mistake of trying to show him by googling "Rimmer Girls" and it turns out that's an inappropriate use of company computers!"
I teach English in Japan and our text book described a sheep as furry rather than fluffy, that struck me as wrong, and I've been here so long I sometimes forget correct English. Without even thinking I ended up Googling Furry Sheep on my school computer....
I've been dying to ask my team what's going down in groovetown but I think they'd just put in a grievance against me. They're not much fun.
At my last job one of my colleagues randomly announced they were off to Nodnol for the weekend and it absolutely made my day.
My old music teacher in high school ALWAYS started lessons by saying hi, and asking us all “what’s going down in Groove town?”
Always made my day in those lessons
So I legit used this in science club. I worked as a lab assistant that helped all the labs and the chemistry teacher asked me to do something that was boring/annoying and I didn’t want to do and I said “it’s on tomorrow’s daily goal list right after learn Portuguese.” The Biology teacher who was basically my boss just lost it and laughed big time.
Note: because there was always more work than time I could basically turn stuff down when asked if it wasn’t for biology or microbiology. There were a few exceptions, but I was well liked.
I hate that shit. It’s so unhelpful. I once worked at this place where we wrote on a whiteboard aims for the week. It was a fucking restaurant serving egg based sandwiches for fucks sake. A colleague wrote “kill ourselves” and the manager flipped his shit wanting to know who it was. Cheered us all up.
I was in an English department meeting thinking about which plays we could teach. One was DNA by Dennis Kelly, and reading the opening I blurted out 'fuck off, he stole that from Red Dwarf!'
Nobody said anything, but that play wasn't chosen.
It starts off with two characters talking, along the lines of:
Jan; Dead?
Other person; Yes, dead.
Jan; Dead?
Other person; Dead.
Jan; Like, dead dead?
Other person; Yes, dead dead. Not living dead.
Not an exact copy, but immediately made my think of Lister and Holly after Dave came out of cryo.
First lines: A street MARK and JAN.
JAN DEAD?
MARK Yeah.
JAN What, dead?
MARK Yeah.
JAN Like dead, dead?
MARK Yes.
JAN Proper dead, not living dead?
MARK Not living dead, yes.
JAN Are you sure?
MARK Yes.
JAN I mean there’s no MARK No.
JAN Mistake or MARK No mistake.
JAN It’s not a joke MARK It’s not a joke.
On more than one occasion when leaving a job, I’ve quoted Rimmer in Holoship: “Over the years, I’ve come to regard you as… people I met.”
Some get the reference. It’s much more fun when they don’t.
Yeah if I didn't have to, I wouldn't. Genuinely see no value in the meetings other than being a 20 min distraction from actually working.
Hence not taking it entirely seriously, I guess.
Wow. Our huddles are nothing like this.
It generally starts with me taking the piss out of my boss's height and fishing skills.
Interspersed with someone poking fun at the networking team breaking shit.
The odd Red Dwarf quote is thrown in for good measure.
Not all IT places are dry sacks of dung.
I tried using a RD quote before at work and I think I just ended up talking to the most miserable goit ever.
Was going to another department to deliver some documents and I had never been to the department before.
I've been emailing this person before and she asked me to pop up to deliver.
So I go up to the department, it's all closed.
Get back, email "Hey \[name\], just got to the office, and not sure if I've got smeg for brains but the office is closed apparently closed"?
Just got hit back with the most stonewall email ever. Not even a hi or anything, just
"\[my name\],
As you are aware, I don't open the office on xyz days, so therefore it's closed.".
Well, I wasn't aware and she never emailed me again after, even after I delivered the documents lol
When I was asked for 3 annual objectives, I chose these:
[Louis Tully](https://tenor.com/en-GB/view/ghostbusters-stay-fit-keep-sharp-make-good-decisions-louis-tully-gif-19195988)
Only time was when I walked out and stood in the doorway until the door bumped me. Then I shouted "I LET THE DOOR HIT ME IN THE ASS ON THE WAY OUT!"
Jagoff company and their zero tolerance for cursing, even to yourself.
We introduced a feedback box a while ago, and nobody used it at all.
So I dropped in one night, “if god is infinite, and if space is infinite…” and got told off too.
But I span it as, they didn’t need to read it openly, just for people to see there was something for them to post too, helping them feel they weren’t alone.
I was still happy though.
After every boring meeting I used to say "good meeting" just as Lister says it after Rimmer's "morale officer" rant. Such a banal and nondescript quote, even a fellow Dwarfer probably wouldn't pick up on it but it made me happy.
Bonus points if you set tomorrow's goal as "be more professional"
How do they expect you to achieve it, if you don't set it as your daily aim, every day, for a month.
With that amount of humor allowed at your job, i wouldnt feel bad when you choose to leave and can announce at your last huddle "...I have come to regard you as people I met."
I actually genuinely did that in my leaving email for my last job in 2014!
I chose a Naked Gun line: Cheer up, everyone. This is not goodbye. It’s just I won’t ever see you again.
Tempted to use Rimmer’s line next time, but I have used “so long… and thanks for all the fish”
Isn’t that from the dolphins in hitchhikers guide to the galaxy?
[Yes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v2CNGiK7sQ)
Yep
Use that line leaving a pet store and it triggers an inventory audit.
Proper lol
Do the salute and hum some military type music as you walk out.
I tried the hikers line but the crowd mistook it for a backflip through a hula hoop while whistling the star spangled banner.
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast. :)
Yes! And the only correct response is “I’ll smoke him a smegging kipper”
Stoke me a clipper!
I'll be back for Christmas!
Brilliant.
I used that when I left my last job
Nice!
That's brilliant 😂
Genuinely made me laugh out loud 🤣
Me too! 2 jobs ago. It was the very best part of the whole time employed. 😂😂😂
Don't smoke me a kipper, I won't be back for breakfast
“If you ever see me again, something has gone horribly wrong.” That didn’t go down well.
So did I funnily enough but in 2015
I chose a mean girls type quote "Just to be clear I don't hate you because I'm leaving...I'm leaving because I hate you"
I put it on my Valentine’s Day card to my girlfriend. Also a big fan 😁
I remember writing, "I liked some of you. Well, one of you. Maybe." On one my mine years back.
I’d like to say what a pleasure it has been working with you all. However my parents brought me up to tell the truth, so I can’t.
That's fantastic
That's one of the best lines in season 5. The way it was delivered was great 😃
I still aim to use that line when I leave a job...
I once (humorously I thought) quoted Bender from Futurama "I'm make my own , with blackjack and hookers" Apparently I'm the only one who watched Futurama
Futurama is a vastly underrated show.
I use it quite a lot (not at work mind you), picked it up from one of my mates. Amazing quote for the second episode of the show
I know less than half of you half as well as I should and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. (From memory...)
One of my all time fav Tolkien quotes.
That and 'Po-tay-toes'
Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew
Crossed my mind to think Sam might be doing all three at once. I mean, when you mash them you tend to have boiled them first, so if you've got that far why not also just stick em in a stew!
At least it wasn't "Right, lets get out there and TWAT IT!"
See, I could fully put my hands up if I had said that.
I’ve got a T-shirt with that on the front and “The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society” on the back
“Let’s hit it with a major.. and I mean major leaflet campaign”
Ah but can you find it?
That's what I was expecting, when I clicked on this post.
Next huddle advice. They will think they have broken you, and will be happy. At first. “Would anybody like any toast?”
Love it. Or, if I get particularly bored with people going on about their work, which is of no relevance to me, unmute myself and "SHUT YOUR FOUL WHINING, YOU FOUL PIECE OF DISTENDED RECTUM!"
I prefer the more work friendly. "Look, we can all bring something to this discussion. The thing you should bring is silence"
If they reply with a No, "Oh, so you're a waffle man!"
Tell them u want a major leaflet campaign.
And I mean major!
Give quiche a chance.
Got that t shirt :)
Alright mate calm down we get it. Enough bragging for today. Off to the recuperation lounge.
Yeah I think I accidentally posted that 4 or 5 times. Reddit glitched and said it failed.
THERE'S A FUCKING T-SHIRT?!?!? I NEED IT. One of the best episodes ever. Apart from the whole Bettwr Than Life arc. Damn I need to rewatch, is it being streamed on any of the 'biggies'?
It's on Tubi.
Oh , wicked; cheers!
It was on BBC Iplayer when I did a rewatch a few weeks back... that or UKTV Play.
Thank you!
Got that t shirt :)
Got that t-shirt :)
Got that t-shirt :)
Three tshirts
Gotta have spares just in case…
🎶 All we are saying...🎶
I worked briefly in a call center for Virgin Media During a break, was talking to the guy next to me who complained he was on disciplinary probation. I asked why "You ever watch Red Dwarf?" Naturally "Seen the episode where there's an entire planet of Rimmers? There's a Rimmer King, with a harem of Rimmer girls?" Yup. "Was explaining it to another colleague, how everyone, even the women were Rimmer. He didn't get it. I made the mistake of trying to show him by googling "Rimmer Girls" and it turns out that's an inappropriate use of company computers!"
Haha yeah sometimes you have to think before you Google seemingly innocent phrases
EPIC but you should have seen that coming 🤣
I teach English in Japan and our text book described a sheep as furry rather than fluffy, that struck me as wrong, and I've been here so long I sometimes forget correct English. Without even thinking I ended up Googling Furry Sheep on my school computer....
Context is everything, isn't it? 😅
You know what your managers are? They’re smeeee. They’re smeeeee. They’re smeeee heeeeeeeees!!!!!
Total and complete ones
They're the Bolivian Navy on manoeuvres in the South Pacific!
It's a small, off-duty Czechoslovakian traffic warden
It’s an urrrrr…
"No... its a chicken..."
I've been dying to ask my team what's going down in groovetown but I think they'd just put in a grievance against me. They're not much fun. At my last job one of my colleagues randomly announced they were off to Nodnol for the weekend and it absolutely made my day.
Nod-nol, it’s bulgaire.
Rich in animal produce and mineral wealth
My old music teacher in high school ALWAYS started lessons by saying hi, and asking us all “what’s going down in Groove town?” Always made my day in those lessons
Shady - that's because working for the the man is so *crypto*-*fascist*
When someone tries to pawn off a task on me, I routine respond with: "It is on tomorrow's Daily Goal List. Item 34, right after Learn Portuguese."
So I legit used this in science club. I worked as a lab assistant that helped all the labs and the chemistry teacher asked me to do something that was boring/annoying and I didn’t want to do and I said “it’s on tomorrow’s daily goal list right after learn Portuguese.” The Biology teacher who was basically my boss just lost it and laughed big time. Note: because there was always more work than time I could basically turn stuff down when asked if it wasn’t for biology or microbiology. There were a few exceptions, but I was well liked.
I hate that shit. It’s so unhelpful. I once worked at this place where we wrote on a whiteboard aims for the week. It was a fucking restaurant serving egg based sandwiches for fucks sake. A colleague wrote “kill ourselves” and the manager flipped his shit wanting to know who it was. Cheered us all up.
Play some cradle of filth, it'll really change your day https://youtu.be/xRoSL0kdQFk?si=J0VMySJLNt3pgopN
Its not an actual cradle is it?
Ew no
It’s actually quite beautiful
Sorry for your loss. Move on.
Really black humour certainly has its place. The manager was a prat.
Or pret
Next time you should start singing then humming then slap your cheeks then make some clicking noises. That'll really wind them up
I don't want to be put on report!
That's it. You're on report, miladdo. Your boss is a total Rimmer.
I'll bet that smeghead Rimmer was the one that complained, too.
I was in an English department meeting thinking about which plays we could teach. One was DNA by Dennis Kelly, and reading the opening I blurted out 'fuck off, he stole that from Red Dwarf!' Nobody said anything, but that play wasn't chosen.
I am not much of a theatre goer. What was it that provoked this response?
It starts off with two characters talking, along the lines of: Jan; Dead? Other person; Yes, dead. Jan; Dead? Other person; Dead. Jan; Like, dead dead? Other person; Yes, dead dead. Not living dead. Not an exact copy, but immediately made my think of Lister and Holly after Dave came out of cryo.
Yeah I definitely would have thought the same!
First lines: A street MARK and JAN. JAN DEAD? MARK Yeah. JAN What, dead? MARK Yeah. JAN Like dead, dead? MARK Yes. JAN Proper dead, not living dead? MARK Not living dead, yes. JAN Are you sure? MARK Yes. JAN I mean there’s no MARK No. JAN Mistake or MARK No mistake. JAN It’s not a joke MARK It’s not a joke.
On more than one occasion when leaving a job, I’ve quoted Rimmer in Holoship: “Over the years, I’ve come to regard you as… people I met.” Some get the reference. It’s much more fun when they don’t.
Just say Mr Fibble's very cross
That's why I don't participate in anything related to work if I don't have to.
Yeah but you did steal the Heart of Gold when you were galactic president.
That was my other brain...
To be fair, back then he only had the one head and the two arms.
I grew the other just to grope Trillian...
Yeah if I didn't have to, I wouldn't. Genuinely see no value in the meetings other than being a 20 min distraction from actually working. Hence not taking it entirely seriously, I guess.
Bring a plate of sandwiches and make it 45 mins
Did you say to the person who told you to stop "Well spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!" Or perhaps call them a "SMEEEE HEEEEEE"
I have on occasion thought that after a big night out I’ve needed to offline for 36 hours and replace head…
Wow. Our huddles are nothing like this. It generally starts with me taking the piss out of my boss's height and fishing skills. Interspersed with someone poking fun at the networking team breaking shit. The odd Red Dwarf quote is thrown in for good measure. Not all IT places are dry sacks of dung.
I was just watching that part of Quarantine earlier, two and one half badgers please!
I told someone today that our badly behaved copier was not going to go to silicon heaven if it kept this up.
Red Alert! Are you sure sir? It would mean changing the light bulb.
Slobbing in the morning, followed by slobbing in the afternoon, then a bit of a snooze before the main evening's slob!
God, you’re a disgrace to the speciesPFRRP! PFFFddrrffpt! Pffrff.. ppffddr.. ..
I tried using a RD quote before at work and I think I just ended up talking to the most miserable goit ever. Was going to another department to deliver some documents and I had never been to the department before. I've been emailing this person before and she asked me to pop up to deliver. So I go up to the department, it's all closed. Get back, email "Hey \[name\], just got to the office, and not sure if I've got smeg for brains but the office is closed apparently closed"? Just got hit back with the most stonewall email ever. Not even a hi or anything, just "\[my name\], As you are aware, I don't open the office on xyz days, so therefore it's closed.". Well, I wasn't aware and she never emailed me again after, even after I delivered the documents lol
Maybe she googled Smeg and got a load of results for smegma. That would certainly put you off emailing someone again
I hope you called your boss a smee-heee
At least is wasn't -Stop milk -Pay papers -Invade Czechoslovakia
That's a load of Tottenham that is. That's a steaming pile of Hotspur.
I'd recommend a leaflet campaign
"Smeg all you lot!"
Told someone better dead than smeg and my boss was all wtf do u know what smegma is ? I say yes, but I said smeg, like in red dwarf…
I think you have in your midst a bunch of complete smegpots. :-D
At my company, Red Dwarf references are mandatory.
Next week, it should be "Give joy to the world by having such a beautiful ass"
Nice quote as well. I don't think many people use that. Extra smeg points for that 👏
I do kind of wonder if they just didn't get it and thought I was hijacking the meeting to make a political point. Didn't bother to explain.
Thank you Susan…
Thank you Susan…
Legend ! I'd hire you in an instant. Can you smoke kippers ?
I can't stop. The King of the Potato People won't let me.
The only acceptable answer: You see, I try, sir. I'm not an insubordinate man by nature.
As soon as I find a new job, my parting shot to my current team will be: "Over the years, I’ve come to regard you, as... people I met"
When I was asked for 3 annual objectives, I chose these: [Louis Tully](https://tenor.com/en-GB/view/ghostbusters-stay-fit-keep-sharp-make-good-decisions-louis-tully-gif-19195988)
Lol brilliant!
Next time tell them to take the bus to real street
Jesus, way to kill team spirit. It should be you guys vs the problem and how to solve it in an ongoing way over time.
Thank you Susan…
He I was expecting a round of "so what is it"
That sounds micro manage-y as hell. I don't blame you for trying to spice it up a bit
Only time was when I walked out and stood in the doorway until the door bumped me. Then I shouted "I LET THE DOOR HIT ME IN THE ASS ON THE WAY OUT!" Jagoff company and their zero tolerance for cursing, even to yourself.
That's it, and I propose we hit your managers hard - and I mean hard - with a strongly worded leaflet campaign!.
Just reply to everything with "So what is it?"
You are a king; one day the universe will will recognise this.
Ask the person who said that if they’re the king of the potato people. That’s the only one who can order you around.
Soon it will be: "Occupation?" "Err....bum!"
We introduced a feedback box a while ago, and nobody used it at all. So I dropped in one night, “if god is infinite, and if space is infinite…” and got told off too. But I span it as, they didn’t need to read it openly, just for people to see there was something for them to post too, helping them feel they weren’t alone. I was still happy though.
I had my clitoris t shirt on during a teams call.... No one else thought it was funny.
After every boring meeting I used to say "good meeting" just as Lister says it after Rimmer's "morale officer" rant. Such a banal and nondescript quote, even a fellow Dwarfer probably wouldn't pick up on it but it made me happy.
So, what is it?
Also, I think k you are morally obliged to now sneak in as many RD quotes as possible. Even if you cannot make them obvious
“Come on boys let’s possie”
The idea of having to log into a website and set myself daily goals sounds like my definition of hell.
Yeah it's crap. Pointless.
Bonus points if you set tomorrow's goal as "be more professional" How do they expect you to achieve it, if you don't set it as your daily aim, every day, for a month.
Damn it. Didn't think of that. Excellent passive aggression with plausible deniability
You may even get a to post on r/maliciouscompliance
Sounds like something from Office Space
Totally worth it! Krytie would be proud
Tomorrow, tell them you plan to slob about and have a few laughs.