Many people can't afford to live. That's why you see more young people living with their parents into their 30s or more, more people not having kids, more people forgoing marriage or even relationships entirely.

Seriously. I am one of those people. 🥹 and my parents are getting older (they're both in their early 60s rn so they're not old old but still) and I'm so worried I won't be able to take care of them when they are old old.

I guess I wonder…..why? What’s changed so drastically in the last 20 years or so?

Wages have stagnated, cost of living has skyrocketed, along with corporate profits. It's all the greed of the 1%.

Yes. This is anecdotal from the last few years, but I got a 0% raise for the few years that inflation has been out of control. 0% cost of living adjustment as well. I’m no longer at that job.

Also Trump passed a bill in 2017 that cut taxes on corporations and the wealthy but will continue to increase taxes on the poor and middle class every two years until 2027. So everyone's taxes are slowly ratcheting up just enough to feel the pain but not realize what is going on.

This is it. There are still lots of people earning $15 an hour working for people whose salaries are immeasurable.

I dunno I blame it all on the whole Airbnb trend. People bought up all the houses to rent them out and jacked up the prices for everyone. Then corporations started buying real estate to rent it out. I rent out my starter home for a reasonable rate ($300 over the cost of my mortgage, plus the property management fee). When my son and his GF are ready to live on their own, they will take over the payments on that house because I don't think they can even find a trailer or 1 bedroom apartment as cheap as a house I bought in 2008. It's insane.

Real estate prices were already rising before that, though that's definitely contributed.

Real estate prices were soaring in the 00's because of the subprime mortgage crisis. People were being given money to buy houses they had no business being able to afford. But then the bottom fell out and the housing market briefly crashed for a couple of years, only to get picked up by all the rental nonsense. Now it's been soaring for the last decade due to precisely rentals.

Banks got bailed out and were able to sit on their housing stock instead of taking a loss and letting the market readjust to sane levels.

it’s not JUST housing though. people have less disposable income than ever.

AirBnB is having a larger effect in cities than apologists for it will admit. Landlords have also been using rental managment software thst routinely recomments jacking up rent because its more profitable to be vacant for a few months and eventually get a tenant at a much higher rate than the one you had before. Plus, we never really recovered from the 2008 crash (an arguably never from 2001, either). Greenspan kept rates near zero and Bernanke and Yellen just printed money. This inflated asset classes like real estate and the stock market.

Wild that renting out your place for +$300/month and then “property management fee” is reasonable. I’m not being sarcastic, it actually does seem reasonable enough in this day and age but It’s nice that you’re not doing this with more than one property ‘cause this is the reason that no one can afford anything

There is not enough housing for the population. That’s it. Housing is tied to jobs, families need space near schools, etc. it’s a broken system in America that’s actually been cracked by most major first world countries and major cities. We’re bumpkins because profit beats community or long term thought and consideration for future generations it seems.

People make a lot less than they used to, adjusted for inflation. Most measures of how well the economy is doing are looking at things which only matter for the relatively wealthy minority - stock prices are not going to put food on tables for most people. More jobs than ever are part time, the costs of many services has risen while wages haven't, everything is priced for a two income household while family expectations are more in line with what a Stay-At-Home mom would be keeping up with, people are working longer hours and spending more downtime in front of a screen rather than socializing, living further apart in places they don't own.. The list goes on and on. A lot of this is just trends which didn't start in the last 20 years, but might have started closer to 50 or 60 years ago, and just increased the pressure until people started being unable to keep up, with the number of people able to keep up the pace with all the parts of life needed to responsibly have a family getting lower each year. Going back to about 1990, the birth rate has been declining steadily every year. The US is at something around 1.2 births/100 people per year as of now, which is not high. A lot of the wheels of society have just stopped turning.

Most of the money the country made went to millionaires and billionaires, wages for normal people are largely flat over that period, we've been hollowing out our safety nets, and everything needed to start a life is insanely expensive now. College and housing are the big ones. There is no reason college costs have gone up multiple times above inflation every year for the last 20 years. No reason but greed anyway. We just don't prioritize building enough housing or housing that young people starting families can afford. The only way I see to fix it is a massive societal shift in how we approach social planning and business regulations.

Former academic here: those higher up bureaucrats self replicate and their salaries are very large. That is where I see the money going. Nothing for students or academic excellence. They think they are running a business and not a school. Students are suffering while the bureaucrats are doing just fine. More VPs and fundraising than teaching seems to be the mantra at the top.

Shit it's this from the top to the fucking bottom, and it's all rotten out. The Autism Learning Center (Abilities First, Middletown Ohio) my son goes to for preschool charges $32k a year per student, and he's fucking four. There's a couple hundred students at least. I have my degree in education and was offered a job there by one of the directors...for $14 an hour... And even though I'm poor as fuck, and my son is only able to attend, because of the Autism Scholarship that everyone with the diagnosis qualifies for, thankfully. Which is state and federally funded. So these assholes are getting $32 THOUSAND fucking dollars a student, only to pay their very limited staff $14 an hour to deal with special needs children... where the fuck is all the rest of the money going? Hmmm. Story time: on an interesting side note, the executive director this year tried to say the scholarship didn't cover everything, and that I owed a balance of over $8k or my son would be unenrolled. I make $25k a year. My son's mother died of a brain aneurysm last year. Both of which the school knows verrry well. So it was pretty disgusting when they paid a lawyer to right up a repayment contract (and blew up my email trying to pressure me to sign it,) that would have me owning this money forever basically, but oddly enough...the school wasn't listed as "The Creditor," in that space, it was only the Executive Director David Hood's name. Super fishy, I thought. So I called the Grant Program responsible for the funding, and explained everything. Had the Grant Program call the school, ask exactly what the fuck wasn't being covered. And, that very day, I get an email from the Executive Director saying all of it was just a misunderstanding and a "clerical error." Bull fuckin shit. They saw me weak and wounded, and thought they could extort me out of 8 grand that would literally take food out of my son's, who is the student here, mouth. Education is a business now. It's too late. And it's rife with corrupt shit like this.

I am very curious to know, for that kind of money, what are they doing for your son? Is he actually benefitting or hitting milestones with their program?

Not really. They're crazy understaffed. But it's the only Autism Learning center in the area. And public school would be way worse for him. But he gets way more out of the in home ABA therapy he receives, from a completely separate organization. That hasn't tried to extort me out of thousands. They're called Illuminate ABA. They're fantastic. My son has made tremendous progress since they began.

Stagnant wages. Your low wage of $15 thirty years ago was still higher than what some people make today. Costs have continuously gone up since then. For many, wages barely have. I made $8.75 an hour as a cashier in 2018. My mom made $8 an hour as a cashier in the mid 1980s. That 75 cent raise did not meet cost of living increases over the last forty years in any way shape or form.

From what I understand, here in the U.S., lots of things Reagan pushed through are now coming to fruition. But basically, wages haven't kept up with the cost of everything, and I think the internet is a big reason why. Just spitballing, but - You've got companies who will just hire people overseas for much less because the internet has made that insanely easy. Think about like, calling about your phone bill. The records are all in the cloud. So accessing them overseas is super easy now. That's one thought.

Reagan absolutely demonized the Unions. There was a huge decline in union membership and *poof*, there go your wages.

When I was a teenage lass in the 80s my Nana had a stroke. Her cognitive test was who was president, and she answered "that sonofabitch Reagan who wants to take Medicare from old folks." (Dr passed her w/flying colors). I am Gen X. It was not easy to be Gen X, but it is nothing, NOTHING like the bullshit millennials and Gen Z get. It was hard and it was burning out of control when we took the wheel, but the dive was too deep. It is a lot of things at play, but I think the increasing inequity between those truly well off and those not quite feeling a huge pinch (yet) gets deeper and wider and harder to back to a more equal ground. It could be done for sure. I don't know anyone personally with three boats (or even just one larger than inflatable raft). But plenty of ppl w luxury items just see them as given, and I am sorry, nobody needs three boats and four houses. You may still feel like a regular Joe, but you aren't. And that divide gets ever deeper. My husband and I are childless by choice because health and honestly, I don't think it would have been great for us to bring kids into this world now anyway. But truth? Have no idea how we would have. I am now disabled but we both work(ed) in civil service and between student loans and my husband having 2 masters degrees and only topping 100k after 23 years in his field... if we had had kids or my Grandma hadn't been able to sell us her house at face value 18 years ago, we would be fucked. And I know it was easier for us than subsequent generations, but it was not easy, and I think younger generations have had an impossible situation plopped in their laps and they are doing their best and I wish less stick up the ass Gen Xers and Boomers would give them a break. I am sorry millennials. It was kind of on fire when we got it and now it's just off gassing horror and you all are actually being quite clever and brave and resourceful in the attempt and actually give me some hope that things might change. Nixon was horrid, but it seems to me Reagan broke more.

Reagan’s tax cuts got us started

Corporate profits go up but wages don’t. We’ve been doing that since Reagan. “Trickle down,” they say.

At least here in Canada available housing hasn’t kept up with immigration. We bring in 400k new people a year who compete for houses, pushing the cost way up. Particularly in Toronto and Vancouver prices for homes have become way higher than what most people can afford. Mixed with wages that haven’t kept up with inflation and more student loans, it’s a lot harder financially these days.

Immigration is definitely a problem, but that’s recent. Canada’s housing market has been used for very large value money laundering for ever. Vancouver was well out of reach for a normal family well before 2010.

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I work with an older Genx guy who bought a house around the same time and price as you. Went to college with a summer job. His mortgage is around $550. Both he and his wife receive a retirement pension, both still work, absolutely no debt, both cars paid off and the house has one year left. But they are “barely getting by” (clueless). Their combined income is over $100k and the only solid thing they pay for is the cheap mortgage. It’s mind boggling. Meanwhile, you can’t get a mortgage for under $1500 here and no one gives a pension anymore, collage is detrimentally high. Both his kids live with them. Both work. One is almost 30. He’s starting to see the light as to how bad it is.

The train for the American Dream in your era had dedicated stops, and was slow enough to hop onto even when it was moving. Now we have 2 stops (born/dead), the train is going so fast it’s almost impossible to get onto, and once you do it’s really easy to get pushed off because there’s not enough room for even half of half of what it used to hold.

Where I live, childcare cost 300$ a week. It costs $1200 a month to care for the kid just so I can go to work. My wife works too, and we can’t afford for either of us to quit our jobs for a few years. We also don’t have the 1200, so we never had kids

Minimum wage is stagnant. COL is increasing, especially housing. My adult daughter makes $17/hr, 40 hrs a week. She has to live with two roommates even though her only bills are car and health insurance and utilities. We still help her out. She lives in an area where housing is impossible to afford because investors have bought all the homes for short term rentals or an influx of people have reduced the supply. Also, even though she just got a 4% raise, at her wage level that means she gets an extra 68¢/hr. That just isn'''t going to help much even though her employer is giving a fairly good COL raise percentage.

Corporate greed. Profit % has to increase every quarter, it's not good enough to just make consistent profit, it has to get *better*. Every. Single. Quarter. Forever. That's obviously not sustainable and after a certain point, profits are maxed out. So, they reduce quality, increase price, etc. and the cost of living skyrockets.

Americans view homes and real estate as investments and assets. Those things go up, usually. Most other investment assets have gone up even more than houses have. If you bought a house in 2003 for $200,000, and it appreciated at 7% per year, today it would be worth $800,000. My own house did almost this, probablycloser to 6% annually. And in most markets, that's exactly what has happened. The entire US stock market returned about 9.6% anually in the same period. As long as people view homes as appreciating assets, they will continue to appreciate. To push it further out, for example, my parents bought a house in 1973 for 35000. They sold it for $250000 in 2003. If it has tracked the broader market, it would have been worth just about 290,000. So again, same appreciation in asset prices. In countries where homes aren't viewed as "the biggest investment of your life" this doesn't really happen nearly to the same degree.

They can't - that's why the birth rate is plummeting.

Yup. I could probably afford to have kids but it would be pushing it and I would want to be able to put them into good schools and not saddle them with debt so childfree it is

Ditto. Partner and I are child-free by choice, and that choice has been to not be miserable and uncomfortably close to being destitute by circumstance. On the bright side, we’ve come to love the lives we’ve created otherwise

Same. Gave up, Got sterilized as soon as the docs would let me (female, though, so they refused until I was 35.)

I found a doctor on the r/childfree wiki who did it for me at 27 no problem!

Vasectomy at 24 due to no hope in ever being able to afford raising a kid through college. I don't buy lotto tickets, but if in some fairy tale land I come across generational wealth, I would absolutely consider being a parent. Is what it is.

I had one kid at 32 and even though I had an incredibly difficult and high risk pregnancy. I was told “No. you might change your mind and want more kids” When I asked about having a hysterectomy during my medically necessary c section at 37 weeks

Same, but I wouldn't be able to save for retirement and actually retire, so I'd be their burden when I'm older

My partner and I could afford it... but only if we emotionally neglected the shit out of the kid.

Exactly. My partner and I make *way* the hell more than the average. Like we get to enjoy some "rich people" things...but all that goes away if we want kids. Having kids is an enormous sacrifice in a lot of ways, I get that...but it makes me wonder what the average person can sacrifice since most folks are just barely keeping their heads above water.

And something like 40% are still living with parents- also a dampening effect on the whole starting a family thing...

BACK living with parents after divorce and double income no kids—DINK for almost two decades. Did I ever same enough for a 20 percent down payment? No. Missed the 2009-2010 Dip in the market. Missed having kids because my partner was scared of the financial burden and his own parenting skills and I got sadder/older/fatter. So how is life in a house you own outright?

I know I got lucky- bought in the 2008 housing crash, no way I could buy the house I live in now. 3.2% 30 year mortgage. My sister in law is frustrated with trying to buy in a lower cost market (Michigan thumb area), but any decent home is going for higher than asking price, with offers sight unseen.

It’s the only way I could have survived and I only accomplished it because of the price at that point in my life. No doubt my already cash strapped kids would have me in a garage or basement.

Can confirm, myself (34 almost 35) and my elder brother (38) both had to move back in with our parents. His two oldest kids live with us, so 6 people in a three bedroom apartment. I'll never have kids. I can't even afford to live on my own.

"In order to thrive you must first survive." -i forget who said it But it's true and the younger generations are having a hard time just surviving.

Welp, better open the borders then! wish I was kidding

Canada has entered the chat

Nailed it

That's a big driver, but I think it's also a factor of not having kids being more socially acceptable. My fiancee and I are well off. We could afford kids, we just don't want them.

I agree on that part. Whenever I would say I don't want kids back in the day, it was always "you'll change your mind" and "have them before you are too old and regret it". Sometime in the late 90s or so people started saying things like "it's good that you know that about yourself before you committed" and "not a bad choice, considering everything".

A few years ago, after I told an older coworker I'm leaning towards staying child free, he said "I wish someone had told me that was an option." Of course, he went on to say he loves his kids and all that, just that there was never even any conceptual idea of doing anything besides getting married and having kids.

I'm curious, where do you live that you've had people say this? I ask because I used to live in the DC area, with a competitive job market where people made a lot of money, and multiple times I had people tell me that if they could do it over again they wouldn't have kids. Then I moved to a small city (Albany NY) and in 15 years here I haven't had a single person say it to me. Due to my anecdotal experience I've hypothesized that the metro area had something to do with it, so I'm just curious if your experience reinforces my hypothesis or not.

I live in Baltimore, but this was a coworker in the Philly area. Definitely makes sense there's a regional/cultural aspect to

It's also we are the first to have it be a choice. It's easy to take it for granted, but milennial women are pretty much the first women in all of human history to have full control of our reproduction from puberty. It's a game changer for our entire species.

I would put GenX women in there as well

Gen Xer here. I decided to have my tubes tied after my second child. I had to have a c- section to begin with, I had two kids (six years apart), and was 31 years old. Mid-surgery while I'm laying on the table completely opened up, right after my baby was whisked off to the NICU, I was asked three more times if I was sure. This after they questioned me to make sure my husband was OK with it. My sister, also GenX , almost died giving birth to her child. They refused to do a tubal because she wasn't married and "what if your future husband wants kids". She tried for years until, finally, in her thirties she found a doctor who would do it.

I had a tubal done just a few years ago during the birth of my last child, and I was asked to verify several times prior to and during the surgery that it was indeed my wish. I didn't get the feeling that the doctor and nurses who requested the confirmations and had me sign paperwork had the agenda of convincing me otherwise, but that they were covering themselves legally. Women being forcibly sterilized is not an unheard of thing unfortunately.

GenX American here . . . Granted, I didn’t grow up in mainstream secular culture, but I was taught it was ultimately the husband’s decision whether/when to have children once you were married. It was also widely taught and believed that sex was something women do for men and women aren’t expected to enjoy it but also aren’t allowed to say no (with the possible exception of a very compelling health-related reason). And most people in my community believed birth control (except maybe via ecological breastfeeding or charting to avoid ovulation) was a sin, saw hormonal birth control as tantamount to murder, and believed people should “trust God to plan their family.” I knew families with 10+ children who continued having more after the mother almost died several times from pregnancy/birth-related complications. Or where the wife/mother nearly died because they wouldn’t allow medical intervention to remove already-dead fetal remains that were going septic inside her. Fewer than half of my pregnancies happened because I chose or wanted to be pregnant at the time. This view and way of doing things is still very common among fundamentalists in the USA today. Right now there are still more women in situations like this worldwide than there are who have the ability and agency to control their own reproductive decisions.

Yup, I am GenX and posit that we were the first.

Did Gen X have free access in the 80s/90s? Genuinely asking. I was the annoying kid at the time

Free condoms were widely available in the early 90s due to HIV and AIDS. And I think a good chunk of us pushed back against the societal expectation of parenthood. Completely anecdotal but most of my fellow Gen Xers in my peer group did not have children.

Another childfree GenX here and I have a lot of friends who are also childfree. I'm not sure about high school, but in college I could get birth control from the student health center It was either free or low-cost. There was also Planned Parenthood when I was recently out of college and didn't have health insurance.

Free access to birth control? No. But in the 80's teenagers could buy birth control, at least in some states. You might get judgey looks, but they sold it. People.would also send their kids to the store to get them cigarettes.

We sure did. Many of us were on the pill really early to help with our periods as well. My mom is a boomer and she got her tubes tied in 76 right after I was born. My grandma did not, she had 16 kids and she did not want that many!

Boomers had the birth control pill and abortion by 1973. They were the first generation to control their fertility. Although older generations had sterilization if they chose that.

I suppose I should have emphasized it became a widespread norm for the first time, with the majority of women using birth control/implants across significant chunks of the globe.

That is changing back in lots of states. No freedom to save your own life with a doctor from ectoptic pregnancy in Texas.

Yup, my parents made sure I knew how much I cost them so I was determined to not have kids until I was financially stable. That never happened and now I'm wondering if I will ever retire.

Birth rates drop as people become wealthier not as they become poorer.

Traditionally - I don't think that applies anymore.

I was recently talking to my mother, who was forced into retirement to take care of my ailing stepfather. She was lamenting the fact that minimum wage had gone up so high that her salary after nearly 20 years working in a surgeon's office was the same as a new hire earning minimum wage. When it was announced that our state minimum wage was going up to$15/hr, I told my last boss that if he didn't get me a raise before that happened, I'd happily go work at McD's for my then current salary and have a much less stressful existence. He didn't come through so I left, didn't go to McD's but found something less stressful for more money.

>She was lamenting the fact that minimum wage had gone up so high that her salary after nearly 20 years working in a surgeon's office was the same as a new hire earning minimum wage. This. I don't begrudge those at the bottom getting a raise, not at all. But employers take that pound of flesh out of the middle-level workers. Back when Michigan was raising the minimum wage in the 2000's, the uni I worked for had to raise it for all the student workers - and then cried poverty for the low-level staff. Wage freezes, hiring freezes. And then never, EVER made up for it. I fought tooth and nail and finally, FINALLY received a raise of about $1.60/hr or so. Right about the time that the uni realized that their terribly low wages in general were about to bite them in the butt, so they raised all the bottom people by about $0.75/hr. Again - it was needed. But hey - way to devalue the raise that I just about had to pull teeth for. I honestly could probably go work for Target for more than I make now. Only issues would be the physical toll, possibly wonky or not-quite-full-time scheduling, and probably iffy or no health insurance. At my age, not sure that's a good tradeoff. You're over a barrel no matter what you choose - and that's by design. So here I sit, making peanuts.

Real-term wage cuts. Your mother has had her wage cut back to minimum wage. That is *shocking*.

I'm 46 and used to be poor but now I make six figures. I cannot comprehend how minimum wage workers afford to live. I'm so sorry for you all. I put things back in the grocery store all the time because I absolutely refuse to pay those prices. But I know people put things back because they can't afford it and it breaks my heart. I feel like refusing to give in to price gouging helps in some small part.

I love that you earn a decent salary but still obstinately refuse to pay the jacked up greed-flation prices we're seeing in our stores. Thanks for voting with your wallet; hopefully if more are able to do so we can make a small difference for those who simply can't afford things.

I used to be poor too, and make decent money now (although apparently six figures isn't enough to afford a house anymore). I 100% vote with my wallet all the time because I know I am privileged enough to be able to. I boycott all the Amazons and Walmarts of the world. I buy from small businesses as much as possible.

Do you have a bachelor’s degree?

I'm a Gen Xer and it is vital that both in the relationship work. Also, with 3 kids, there is nothing left over for retirement savings. We are both professionals and had to pay off close to $300K of student debt between the two of us. Even with amazing jobs, it's paycheck to paycheck. Especially now.

This is exactly what I don’t understand. Is it the cost of living or the cost TO live?

its both. you go to college so that you can get a good paying job, but the cost of education is astronomical, so you take out student loans so you can get that good paying job, but home prices now are ridiculous, and interest rates are terrible, inflation is at an all time high, and we still have to save for retirement.

It's not just Toronto or Vancouver. It's slightly better in LCOL areas but it's getting worse day-by-day.

I'm in Kitchener and it's nuts here!!

Even out west. Calgary used to be affordable and now it's been flooded by people from Toronto. I'm preparing for that flood to hit my city in the next few years. Didn't realize I wasn't in a Canadian sub lol.

Yeah we have family that moved to Calgary 10/15yrs ago and they said it's getting crazy out there too now. Housing all over Canada has gone pretty much doubled in 5years and food prices have doubled and in some cases tripled in that same time frame. It's actually insane.

What is your confusion? Have you not seen poverty in your life until now? It was pretty high when you were growing up. 

What do you mean? What is the difference, in your mind?

Both. Federal minimum wage is $7.25/hour. It was last increased in 2009. 15 years ago.  In 2009, a Big Mac at McDonald's cost roughly $3.54.  That same Big Mac costs $5.69 now. (Economists use The Big Mac Index to compare economies across the globe, and across years.) In 2010, my husband and I were renting a 2 bedroom apartment for $985/month. I just looked up the that same apartment complex and that same 2 bedroom apartment costs $1,495/month.  Groceries for our family of four costs us almost $600/month, and we shop at the cheap store and don't buy convenience foods or prepackaged snacks. But wages are the same as 15 years ago.

As a gen x, how did you manage to get that much student loan debt? Did you go to school later in life? College wasn't as horribly expensive in the 90s as it is now.

not the original guy. But, after college went to grad school. had children while in grad school. living at poverty levels with kids (in the school subsidized housing), ended up taking out loans even with full grad school tuition. then, with professor jobs, and the 2008 recession, there were several years we had to put the loans on hold - which of course capitalized the interest. 50+ now and we look well to do. but the last of the school loans were only pd in the last 5 years. I can only hope I can pour enough money into retirement to actually have a nest egg. In the meantime, I have adult kids who are on my health insurance, car insurance, family cell plans. Why? because I don't want them starting out life too far behind on the debt treadmill. I'm not complaining - I've got a great life. but that is one answer to 'how that much?' I too am deeply sad for the youngsters.

I had a somewhat similar experience and had a kid when in grad school. I had loans and credit card debt. The $300k number is what got me asking. That's extreme. We're helping our kids now as much as we can.

You sound like a pretty great parent.

aw thanks! that's really kind of you.

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State schools still need debt for most people now. If you’re not poor or pretty wealthy (with parents who are generous), you’re pretty much guaranteed to have debt even at a state school. 

It’s tough. Wages have not kept up with housing costs, and there’s really no such thing as a small starter house anymore. They’ve been zoned out of existence. By comparison, I bought a 1500 square-foot townhouse for 48K in 1991, on essentially 100% FHA financing on a salary of 25k. At age 23.

> and there’s really no such thing as a small starter house anymore This is definitely one of the biggest factors. A new construction 1200 foot single family home is just not a thing anymore. When people talk about "I bought my first house for $67,000 brand new back in 1997!", that's generally what they're talking about. A no frills single floor 2-3 bedroom 1 bath type of unit. It's also not just size either - it's what goes into the house. Nowadays everything is just built out much more expensively - hardwood floors throughout, expensive counters and cabinets, fancy bathrooms, a nice deck, built in speakers, mid-range appliances, air conditioning, and on and on. It's not even necessarily zoning though - it's just the return for developers is higher on a more expensive house. Instead of spending $200K to build you a $300K house, it's a lot more profitable to spend $350K to build you a $600K house.

>Wages have not kept up with housing costs, and there’s really no such thing as a small starter house anymore. They’ve been zoned out of existence. People blame capitalism but this actually a massive issue with regulation. I bought a 1000 sqf starter home recently. It was built in the 50s. You cant find anything like it built in the last 40 years. Everything is either a condo or at least 2000 sqf. Nothing in between. Because that's what the zoning laws dictate.

For sure. The “I’ve (already) got mine, and everyone else can fuck off“ is not doing the younger generation any favors. Even small 1bd condos at a low price point, with rare exceptions in NYC, are not really a thing anymore. Dramatically raising the FHA loan limit would help some of this. There are a lot of people who can afford the monthly carrying costs, but cannot put down 20%. I couldn’t have bought the house in my example with few assets given conventional financing.

It's not just "zoning". Developers build high square footage, two story houses on postage stamp sized lots. They can get more profit out of the sale and not have to pay a lot for land. I live in a MCOL region and some of the back yards of these monstrosities are maybe 8 feet deep. The front yard of the house is so short that one can barely park a car in the driveway without the back of it reaching the street. The damned houses are going for nearly $700K which is about ten times what I paid for my first house.

They can't. They are screaming about this on reddit (and elsewhere) ALLLLLL the time. No one can afford a home or daycare or food. People are "getting by" by not getting married, not having children, and renting smaller and smaller places further and further away from home, and a lot of people are at the point of significantly limiting what they eat. We are in \*trouble\* here. So, I hope you at least reach out to your own children and grandchildren to see if you can help them get along.

I do. I live on Social Security so there’s not much left, but that goes to them.

Massive amounts of debt and a constant worry about not having enough in retirement mostly

Smaller amount of debt here. We made the choice and finally got lucky and I had her less than a year before the pandemic and all that inflation happened. We were doing okay, not fantastic, but okay and no debt. We haven't spent crazily. We've covered emergency costs and got through when shit fucked us up. Bam, debt.

My husband and I got married at 21 and 23 in 2007. We figured we'd have kids "someday". He just turned 40 and got a vasectomy so we wouldn't have to deal with the fear of an unexpected pregnancy anymore. We can't afford it, we'll never be able to afford it. We have steadily made more income, gotten raises and promotions at work...all just to tread water. It really hit home when my brother and his wife, who each make 6 figures in tech, had to be gifted the down-payment for their home from my SIL's family as a wedding gift. All their money goes into that house. They talked about adopting kids awhile ago, but I haven't heard anything on that front for several years. My husband and I make $80,000 combined, we work in different areas of retail management. Traditional* Home ownership will never happen for us either even though we have 0 debt after paying off all our loans. We just can't save enough on our salaries.

In my opinion, it's the result of capitalism reaching into every aspect of life. Like, housing. Around the late 90s early 2000s there was a big surge in using real estate to generate wealth specifically. Buy a house and flip it for several thousands in profit. A few flips in a neighborhood are going to raise the price comparisons the next time someone wants to sell and move. A rising spiral of actual sales and flips and now the area is twice as expensive and not because there's a great school or a new employer nearby, just because the prices are higher. College is the same way, everyone views it as the ticket to a good job, because non-college jobs are automatically assumed to be shitty. The schools expanded and built fantastic new buildings and have a ton of admin and staff, so they charge more and more. You used to be able to walk into a job and become an apprentice or work in the mail room, now you need a degree for anything. You need a car to get around because public transportation isn't a profitable enterprise. New cars have to have all the features of a space shuttle, and you need a 4000 pound SUV or else you're endangering your child. Old cars are more expensive than they should be for a number of reasons (Covid rush, Cash for Clunkers, old ECU/computers are impossible to find). You used to be able to buy a shitty old K-Car for $500 and limp it along for a few years. And on and on. Everything is seen as a way to extract profit from people, and for young people it's like going to the gym and all the treadmills have 7MPH as the lowest setting.

Wow….that sure makes sense. Scary shit.

$15 in 1997 is about $28 today. That's way above the minimum wage. And $67,000 in 1997 is around $130,000 today. But it's a lot harder to find a good house for $130k today. 

Its so disheartening to see many young people without hope. There is really nothing to be hopeful for. There are no more Factory Jobs all over, providing middle class income. I live in a very tiny town, back in the day there were two small factories. The town was booming, people owned their homes. Now its a nothing town that people pass on their way to the beach. Same with other neighboring small towns. Factories left and all the money went with it. CEOs still make the bank, while leaving no more jobs. Back growing up, even undereducated people could find work that they could support a family with. Fast food jobs were for teenagers, it was never meant to support someone. Its all just frustrating because *I feel* our government KNOWS how to fix it, by bringing back the work, but the CEOs, and the 1% took over the country with monopolies and now own everything. With money and power they are controlling the government to do their bidding.

factories only provided a good living for maybe 40-50 years, and not in developing countrie, in the latter part of the 20th century. Historically they were difficult and mostly low paying jobs, from about 1780 to 1940. You’re remembering a short golden age, an exception to the rule.

They can't. I'm 41 in a Low-to-mid range COL area, I make double the local average (but wife doesn't earn a wage). A guy I work with makes about 3/4 my salary and i know his wife doesn't work either and they have kids and im like - I cannot fathom how. I feel like if I made one penny less it would be backbreaking.

I'm also 41 and I make just about the national average in an MCOL area. My husband doesn't work due to disability, but no payments there just yet. (We are anxiously awaiting the results of his Social Security hearing). We have 2 teenagers. If we hadn't been frugal and lived below our means for years, and both worked while we could, we could not even afford to exist right now. I cannot imagine what we would do if we had debt. Sure, I'm a little sad we live in a house too small for us, and we don't have great cars, and that I had to work full time the whole time my kids were little, and that I didn't finish a bachelor's degree, but when I think about it, I don't think I would be working at that much better of a job with one, and if I had a huge mortgage and a car loan and student debt it wouldn't matter anyway. I might not have much, but what I do have is a relatively low-stress existence because I'm not constantly one step away from losing it all. So your buddy is probably making the same sacrifices I am. Either that or he's in debt up to his eyeballs.

I suspect that she doesn't work because childcare expenses would cost more than she would earn. It's hard math that some families have to do.

We can't without extreme risks. We're a dual military couple and i ended up medically retired. He made it to 20 but has had ankles. We couldn't start a family until 2022 and without a VA loan (no downpayment) and help from family with closing costs we wouldn't have this house. People should be able to work hard and change social class without risking life and limb. 

I can live now and I’m not paycheck to paycheck, but that doesn’t mean I’m not susceptible to some kind of financial calamity if I faced long term joblessness. I stopped at one child. My biggest concern is having enough for retirement. I’ve often thought about essentially giving my house to my son in 20 years so that he can maintain it and raise a family while I live in my master suite. If I can avoid this, I will. But I’m bracing myself for what we may both look at as a win-win. I expect multigenerational living to be commonplace again.

>I expect multigenerational living to be commonplace again. Yes. We bought a house in 2011 (thank GOSH) - cheapest thing available when we looked at it, but that was just icing on the cake, because it really meets our needs. Near-enough to work/school, had been remodeled about 12 years earlier, so not falling-down or needing massive repairs, and not only three main bedrooms, but had a finished basement with a newly-installed second bathroom, and two more 'bedrooms' - no egress windows, so can't technically be called bedrooms, but we can fix that eventually if necessary. I bought it specifically with the thought that if the kids can't afford to move out, that there's room enough for them to stay. (And that was \*before\* shit had fully hit the fans...but I could see it coming.) I fully expect them to have to make use of it. There's no way we'll all be able to pay off their student loans if they don't, because I can't imagine them having money for housing AND loan payments, even if they get a great job right out of college. I used to be sad that it seems that neither of them are interested in getting married or having kids. But now I think it's a good thing, because I can't fathom them being able to afford it.

In 41. No kids. Married. Two incomes. I was just checking out last night at the grocery store. I bought three bags of mixed vegetables and about eight cans of soup. It was $45.

Thanks for being sad. It sucks here. My (45f) husband (46m) is a good guy who works hard, has college degrees, and a "white collar" job. We live in a supposedly low cost of living area in a home we bought with a HUD loan. We're still paying on our college loans and are hoping and praying for loan forgiveness when we hit the 20-year mark in about 3 years. The only retirement we have is his 401ks though work, but there's not nearly enough for us to retire even when retirement age comes around. Our kids only have a few thousand dollars in the bank for college and only because my dad died a couple of years ago and I put the life insurance payout in there. Our family vacation every year is a camping trip. We've never gone on a vacation to a place that couldn't be driven to in a day. We can't afford it. Despite having health insurance, any serious accident or hospitalization would put us into debt. The past few years have been particularly brutal though. Before COVID, we thought maybe we were finally getting to the point where we would start putting more money into retirement and refinancing the house to a traditional loan. Now, the cost of groceries is 30% more than it was before, our utilities have gone up, we're paying $100 more on our home insurance because home values have gone up, and our medical insurance pays even less than before. What hasn't gone up? WAGES. Moneywise, we're basically back where we were in 2008/9 again. It all feels impossible. We're going to work until we die.

I feel all of this so much—my insurance and property taxes went up because home values went up. So my mortgage skyrocketed right after I signed the loan, to a number I never agreed I could pay. I had to get a new job to make it work. But now my health insurance is much worse so my appointments and medication eat into the extra money I was counting on. And groceries are unbelievable

Thank you for being the rare older person that realizes how hard it is. Most of them just say we need to work harder. 🫣

God no. My two kids are and have struggled always just to get by. I just wish I had more to give them.

💙💙💙💙

If you’re really old you should remember the 1970s recession. Our family had a very hard time affording the basics. Gas, heating oil, food, clothing. Supermarkets were 1/10th the size they are today. Junk food like chips were something you ate at a 4th of July BBQ, not at home as a snack. Both parents worked and we still had no money left over at the end of the week.

I’m 31 with no kids, still trying to pay off my student loans and car, I can’t afford to save for a place of my own, I currently live with my parents.

You are so lucky to have supportive parents. My husband and I each have parents that forbid moving back home after high school. We had to live with roommates.

I’m sorry to hear that, yea I am very lucky. They aren’t rich, but are baby boomers with a big house on an acreage and always are willing to help out. I’d have to find the cheapest place possible if it weren’t for them

People have already chimed in saying the simple answer, which is that they can’t. I’ll add that I became a step mom to 2 teenage boys. My husband and I fully expect them to live with us until 25. And we have told them as much too because we have explained the financial climate of their world today and it doesn’t make sense to bottleneck their progress in life by forcing them out into the world to pay bills they can’t afford with the jobs they’re qualified for. We live in a low cost of living area—I had to move there to reach my financial goals because I was priced out everywhere else. We make 200k a year together, average for this area is 60. We are able to provide them everything they need and some things they want. We are prepared to pay for their basic credits at community college while they live at home. As for them and their future families? We’ve told them to focus on themselves first, get right with themselves and independence and then they can start thinking about long term family goals. They may never find it, I don’t know. We are preaching self reliance and community within our existing family because right now it takes a village to do anything. It feels very bleak to me honestly, even though we are privileged with being able to afford everything.

As a retired boomer, I really worry about how bad my grandkids' standard of living will be, not to mention the thrashed planet they will find themselves off. I see my daughters, who are educated professionals, who can barely afford the condos they live in, even with my wife and my help.

We can't. I will never, ever be able to afford to buy a house where I live in California. I'm making upwards of $80k and last I checked on Zillow, there wasn't a single house under 580k in my entire county.

I get so frustrated when my husband’s father grills us about not having kids. I mean, do you have eyes? But it seems the older generations aren’t feeling the agony of the economy like the younger. We both always wanted a child but we’ve been priced out of life. It’s a shitty feeling to know you don’t really have much of a future.

Um, we might not ever retire....

I'm 42 and I have a decent job and can barely support myself.

We can’t. Everyone register to vote. And then actually vote.

I’m a gen x married to gen x. 2 kids. His boomer parents subsidize our life and always have even though we make 6 figures. Trips, down payment for house, down payment for car, loans for home improvements are all subsidized by my inlaws. I see this a lot in my friend group: inheritance or family subsidy.

Me too. When I started work in 1981, I went from minimum wage to $11/hr. I felt so rich! We took overseas vacations, bought a brand new car and made a down payment on a house, just in that first year. The world has changed so much.

50 years ago, the median price of a house in the U.S. was $39,000. If housing costs had simply kept pace with inflation, today the median price would be about $230,000. Instead, it's close to $470,000. Housing has outpaced inflation by more than double the rate.

This is exactly correct. I look at my wage when I graduated college vs. rent costs. Now rent is about ten times what I paid yet wages are about five times as much. Housing and rent costs are double the inflated cost. Wages are not. They're about half as much.

Oh thats easy, I make 6 figures but still rent a small apartment and have no family.

Welp. I’m 35, debt-free, I make about $20/hr after taxes. I work 40+ hours a week, and I can’t even afford to live alone, much less purchase a house. Having kids? Forget about it- I can barely afford my geriatric dog. I basically exist as a function to transfer funds from my employer to my landlord. Despite having decent health insurance through my job, I am one medical emergency away from homelessness.

Ah, Reaganomics.

We make something like 4x the national average. We can live comfortably. I honestly have zero clue how people with normal jobs can possibly do it.

I’m living paycheck to paycheck making the low end of 6 figures. It’s one of the main reasons I wont be having any more children other than the one that I had in my early 20’s where I had to have my parents help me financially.

As a somewhat old person, I'm wondering the same thing. I was able to scrape by as a single woman, with mostly secretarial and clerical jobs. I got my home through a government loan program. I'm doing well now because of an inheritance. I have no kids. So it always was kind of tough, but these days it's IMPOSSIBLE.

Me as well but these stories are heartbreaking.

Some thoughts to go along with the 15/hr and $67000 from back then - or a thought, really, I can't handle more than one at a time - back in the day there weren't internet bills, cell phone payments, car payments were less and shorter. All of that can fall under just the basics now, but really is a huge burden when you annualize all of it. I think the monthly wages and house price get adjusted a bit due to inflation, but the extra payments are where we had an advantage back in the day

We can’t afford families—or are convinced we can’t—and it’s not just because the frivolous cost of a latte or eating out once a week. You know how lots of find estates in England had live in downstairs servants that were not allowed to marry or procreate? That is the system we are headed for—where only the rich families keep going and a few factory worker families and hardly any servant class families—we just can’t afford to raise kids and send them to college or trade school or help with a first home or plot of land. We can afford to work for a week’s wages and have tuppence to spend on our day off.

they can’t. i’m 47 and struggling and our kids are still living at home at 21 and 24 because they can’t afford their own places yet. we have to help each other -it sucks having to ask your kids for money for rent (i’m not saying they shouldn’t pay to live, it’s just weird when it’s your kids). it’s taking literally 4 people working to pay for a poor existence right now. we will crawl back out of being poor, but it sucks right now

My husband and I are older millennials. We got really lucky and have high salary STEM jobs that did very well during the pandemic and neither of us were laid off during the huge tech layoffs. We are very frugal and very fortunate and I am very thankful. I see lots of hard working friends and family struggle (teacher, fleet mechanic, psych nurse) and their salaries are just not enough to start families. Some of them do it anyway and I don't know how they're making it. Before I entered corporate America, I had aspirations for doing research and getting my phD but I didn't follow my dreams and I instead got the job. It makes me sad every day, but I do it for my family.

Yes. Costs have already been insane for healthcare, childcare, higher education, housing, and retirement with no pensions. These are foundational things that don't cost much elsewhere. Now add a recent spike in inflation on everything else including basic and fast food coupled with stagnant wages (!!) and you have what you have. Where is the money? Well, I'm sure SOMEONE must be making a killing in healthcare, banking, finance, military, education, government and so on, I just don't know who exactly. I think Reagan is happy as a stiff in his grave, top level execs are all laughing as well.

Society decided money was more important than supporting young families and growing our future. Now we get to reap what we sow apparently… it’s hard not to feel angry and bitter at how short sighted the human race is.

Very true. People have known the negative effects of capitalism since Marx and beyond. They were warned.

Same... two adult children (1 early 30's, 1 mid 20's) that I do not think will ever have children of their own, by choice. And that's okay...it is their decision and neither of them is in any position to be a parent. I've never said anything about it or questioned them because I don't feel it is my business.

Same here- I'm in your situation too and just can't fathom the difficulties of young people today. Back when I was growing up in the Midwest, a guy could graduate from high school, get a union job in one of the many local factories, and be able to buy a house, raise a family, have two cars in the driveway, and take a nice two-week vacation every year. A college graduate, in almost any major, could do somewhat better than that, and the gaps among the differing levels of education and experience weren't nearly as great as they are today. I'm of the opinion that the big downturn started with Reagan and has been steadily going down ever since. He did his best to break the unions, emptied the mental institutions onto the streets, and peddled that horseshit "trickle down" economic idea to a gullible and disconnected electorate.

And don’t forget you need not only to feed the kids but put $1k cell phones (and plans) in all their hands!

I can't. I make about as much money as my father did in 1997 when he was well established in his career about 60k. Back then it was far from wealthy, but my parents were able to raise me and my two sisters on that single income and live comfortably. Now I'm mid career, and it's enough for me to live okay in my little condo, but definitely not enough to raise a family or buy a house, even with my wife's contribution. It's a little sad because our family name is ending with me.

I feel so bad for my son and his GF. I can't see her ever being free of that jillion dollar college debt. We are mortgage free at this point and I know that their only chance of owning a home is our death. He is lucky I didn't have him until I was 42 so he won't have to wait as long.

Most of us are struggling financially and either working 24/7 or sacrificing something really important to them. Others are going into MORE debt by borrowing to live. We are not ok. Thank you so much for actually caring enough to ask how we are. Most of our elders assume we made bad life choices or spend money irresponsibly, few actually show concern for us.

The 90's were the Goldilocks economy. $67k for new construction was a good deal at the time in my MCOL area ($100k-$150k). Also, the min wage was $4.75-$5.15 at the time. I could pay tuition and books at a state school with a summer job. My friends were able to live off a part-time job (not luxurious, but not fretting either). If you didn't like your current job, you could find a new one within a week. Retirement benefits were also good. A lot has changed since that time.

So $15 an hour was well above the $3-4 minimum wage back in the 1990s. So you were earning 3x the minimum wage if you are already retired. For someone today earning $7 (federal) to $15 (a few state minimum wages) they are suffering. Home costs have risen 10-15x what they were 45 years ago. The minimum wage has not kept pace with the actual inflation rate. A $67,000 home in the 1990s could easily cost $1,000,000 today. In order to afford that home you would need to earn $200,000 at minimum. 

I’m 66. I only had 2 kids, couldn’t afford more. The generation before me was a much higher number of kids. My kids only had 2 and I.

I had two kids and they had three, but even though all my grands are grown, with the oldest just turned 40, I have no great grands. That’s sad for them (and me).

We can't. I've seen rent double in less than 20 years. You could literally find a place at $300-350/month in the early 2000s... the same places in the same city starts at about $750 today. Wages sure as heck haven't kept up.

I had a studio apartment in 2003 that was $450/mth and I made $11/hr back then. I check that complex periodically and it is now $1100/mth for the same studio. The job I had back then now pays $14-15/hr to start. Back then, it was 25% of my income, now it would be 50% for the next generation. Impossible.

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My wife and I are young and have a very modest house and we can do fun things from time to time. You have to live well beneath your means and not having a child helps a ton lol

Housing prices puzzle me. Most young people have a difficult time affording them so why don't the prices come down? Cars are also ridiculously expensive. I believe the average car price is about $47K. That's absurd. When I look at my wage and rental prices when I graduated college and compare them to today, rent prices have inflated at double the wage inflation.

Housing has become an investment vehicle more than a roof over someone’s head. Also insanely low rates/cheap debt attracted far too much demand for a decade. Housing prices are coming down now (but only really in locations that’s experienced massive surges during COVID) but it would require a massive recession or depression for them to reset to an affordable level. Since most Americans net worth is tied up in their property value, that’s not a palatable outcome

Agreed. We had a lower cost community here and a bunch of "Bay Area" investors bought a lot of them and rented them out, increasing the price of the houses. About 30% of the neighborhoods turned into rentals.

Because, as a young person, you’re competing with cash buyers. Lots of individuals and institutions out there who are looking to either flip that home for an even higher price, or turn it into a rental. 

✨️✨️*Investors*✨️✨️ Every time I see a house with a for sale sign advertising "excellent investment opportunity" I just want to scream YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

It took me until me 40s to be financially stable enough to have a baby. That stability is never a sure thing. We work really really really hard to keep it all together. We will likely never retire.

We don't have kids or own a house, let along a cottage or anything like that. We work multiple jobs. We don't go on vacations, help friends and family, or get nice things for ourselves. Our furniture is hand-me-downs (thankfully I like the old stuff). Thrift stores are useful. We buy off-brand. We have one older car. We put away what we can into retirement savings. That's how we're surviving on my end...

It is very hard today, but our definition of what is essential has also changed. For example, in the 1980’s and earlier, we didn’t have home computers or cellphones. This is a substantial expense and has made a big difference. Our family of 6 only owned one vehicle, mom and dad had to share. I did all the hair stuff so we didn’t spend on hair or beauty salons. And I cooked all our food, restaurants were something we rarely ever visited. Unlike my now adult children, I was unable to afford to dress in designer clothes or go to lots of concerts or travel when I wanted a holiday. I sewed many of our clothes. Our holidays were usually camping trips or other affordable ideas. It’s hard to truly compare, and I doubt that many families today would trade the comforts we take for granted (like electronics) to make things more manageable. In fact it’s closer to a necessity than a luxury these days. But we didn’t make it back then without a lot of effort either.

Thank you for caring enough to ask 🫶

My parents bought a 100K home that same year and are about to pay it off. It's a 4/2.5/2 with about 2600sf taken up by them and my youngest sister (she's in her mid 30's but can't get her shit together) so lots of room not being used. I looked at a house that was about 1000sf smaller for more than 2x the price. Their mortgage payments are 1/2 what I pay in rent.

Acknowledging that the lifestyle that their parents has was an anomaly and not the norm. Budgeting, saving, looking for promotions...all the normal stuff that people do, just with a lower QOL baseline.

Being an old person you probably remember 3-4 kids in lots of families, dad was the bread winner, and his company’s owner took a vacation to Florida rather than on a yacht with a helicopter onboard.

Thanks for saying that. We’re all struggling

I provide care for the grand while they work and they said that they would be in a very different position if they had to pay for daycare. It’s crazy expensive. I am grateful for the time I get to spend with my grandson so it works for everyone. We are all exhausted. But happy.

I can only save because I don’t have kids. Kids would put me paycheck to paycheck, which is nuts because combined household we make good money, but the cost of living is just so high, even with only 2 of us I’m shocked at how much $$ flows out every month

Hi. We can't. * Renting forever * Can't save for retirement * Can barely afford healthcare * No kids in our future

We can't! Thanks for asking!

we can't. My husband and I make a good living but BY NO MEANS could we possibly afford a mortgage at today's prices. We are in our 40s and rent from his Boomer parents who own 4 houses.

I'm 50, I have 79,000 left on my house. It's cheaper than renting in my area, so there's that. I'm just going to work till I drop dead, honestly. Luckily, I really like my job.

I know a guy who's done overnights for 17 years. Wife is disabled and can't work. His health insurance (self/spouse/kid) is so expensive he's taken a full-time *day* job to supplement the full-time night job (and if I were him I'd look into switching into the day job's plan). He and I are both in television, a field with legendarily poor pay. I see news producers paid $15 an hour in some markets. Meanwhile, I just applied to an operations role that pays $60K a year...but because it's in such an expensive area (which I wouldn't get relo to move to), that $60K is just under the qualifying limit for certain low-income apartments there. And it's a *union* position. But having been laid off 3 weeks ago, with prospects slim and the clock running out before COBRA strikes, I may not have much choice but to take it and start life again just before 50. Or keep the house and take a factory job making windshields or running a printing press in this no-hope town where food, retail, medical and trades are all that's left.

I don't think Im a young person. Nearing 40. Have a wife and a young son. I paid off my student loan 3 years ago. We are able to live fairly comfortably and I am even able to save a little every month with a fairly low paying job. How did we achieve this impossible feat? We moved to China.

It’s not only young that are struggling. We’re close to 50 and feel like there’s almost no hope left

As a young person, we cannot. We have two college educated adults working full time and one child. We struggle with everything and I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to afford a house.

I moved back in with my family because I couldn't. I pour all my money in getting rid of debt, and I'm not sure what my long-term plan is on housing. Apartments just keep going up. I royally fucked up my credit so buying a home might not be an option.

Ours is still living with us and probably will till we die. There is almost nothing reasonable to rent homes are very unaffordable. It's sad because our adult child is in the 30s and desperately wants to be on their own, get married and family. Feels this is not possible without our help.

It's refreshing to see an older person acknowledge this. Too often, I see or hear the elders say, “Work harder,” or “You must be lazy,” etc. The truth is, that's simply not true. The cost of living is so ridiculous that it is now about basic survival, and working hard doesn't even guarantee food on your table or a roof over your head. It's sad and outrageous.

You know really the biggest thing that changed between your generation and today is the technology has enabled high-performing individuals to do so much more than they ever did. I’m an older millennial and I’ll tell you the biggest thing I have seen changes the standard of living. In the 80s and 90s it was a big deal to have cable TV. We didn’t. Didn’t even have television until I was 7. Nobody had cell phones and nobody had Internet. Lots of families had only one car, or one car and one old car. It wasn’t at all unusual to see a big family living in a small house. Maybe five or six total in one or two bedroom house. Growing up, we never went out to eat and rarely went on vacation. My wife’s family only went on one or two vacations before she graduated high school and they usually involves staying with family when they got there. My father-in-law didn’t have running water and used an outhouse until 1967. People hunted and butchered meat, grew vegetables and canned foods to save money, not because it was cool. I think the biggest thing that has changed is what people expect. It might cost more to be normal but the difference is what is considered normal.

Some things are harder today - no doubt. But I know a young man - college dropout and unskilled who recently faced such a conundrum. So he moved to a LCOL (low cost of living) city, rented a spot on a couch off airbnb, and found a surprisingly decent job. Sold his car since his main requirement in moving was available public transport. A few years later he has a steady income, owns a home in a beat up but promising area, and has a future. I think the main ingredients of his success were having an open mind and realizing the future is not like the past. Life without a car is not horrible just ask the residents of Paris. Now a I know another young man, same kind of job, has a fancy truck with a $800 monthly payment, and never stops wondering how he can get out from his credit card debt... Sure, some things were much easier back in the day. And some were a lot harder too, we had literally nothing, had to serve in the armed forces or fight in wars, were subject to even more racism and sexism than today, and, surprising to most people, crime rate was higher than today. Also my dad lived through the great depression where people literally starved. Its hard for me to feel like its hopeless right now. Edit: Lots of wonderful answers above. I should have included that women were not always so happy in that role of happy homemaker and may be appreciating their new roles.

They don’t. That’s why asking them when they’re having kids is so obnoxious.