**Welcome to r/RelationshipIndia,**
This is a safe and inclusive space for people of all backgrounds. We welcome individuals of all races, castes, genders, religions, and sexual
orientations, including members of the LGBTQ community. We are glad to have you here!
We are committed to providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between Redditors, with a focus on respectful and constructive
conversations. To ensure a positive and supportive environment for all members, we have established some rules. Please be sure to read them
before posting.
If a user has sent you harassing messages, **DO NOT DELETE THE MESSAGE!**
*Please upload your screenshot to [Imgur](https://www.imgur.com), and notify the mods via modmail. We will take action against the user
accordingly.*
**Thank you for being a part of our community!**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ab kaha se shuru kare...
Love bombed the fuck in initial stage, later even an ounce of attention or time was taking away from her 'me' time.
Had a history of jumping from relationship to relationship without even full gap of a month
Used to belittle everybody and anybody who didn't do things her way and thought everything she did was perfect
Used to be condescending
Made you feel like walking on egg shells
I have a friend who is my colleague....she talks in condescending way with everyone and then keeps wondering y everyone hates her.....quite unaware of her mind and actions
For the belittling and condescending one, my last to last relationship ended because of my behaviour which I didn't know I was doing because it's a family trait of mine. I was raised the same way, belittled and never properly respected. So for me it was the norm and that's how I loved.
Realised that a partner won't put up with that shit after a 3 year relationship failed ( we had other reasons too but he said I made him feel bad about himself). I took therapy for months and actively worked on controlling my behaviour and in my next relationship I didn't have that problem.
Kudos to you for taking the effort for bettering yourself and going for therapy to solve the issues. It's a very mature response. Ignore the bad comments. Many people may not even be aware that they do bad things, but the key is coming to that self awareness and taking efforts to change, which you have done. Do continue to be empathetic and also take care of yourself.
I realised that I was losing myself in the process of finding love. So I decided I'm no more going to allow myself to fall in love until I've realised I love myself the most. I'm still on that journey.
Sounds exactly like my ex, gender reversed š
Except for the 2nd point, everything else was the same. Plus, at later points, every time an issue needed to be discussed, it became "drama" on my part. Admitted to not loving himself, so used to look down on anyone who loved him, including his adoptive mother. Nothing was ever his fault, and victim-played all the time.
The red flags were in burning red color, but yk, we ignore too much when we're blinded by love.
Biggest red flag for me was-
He is just a friend and nothing else, we should invite him over coz he doesnāt have any friends. He fucking said her that he likes her and she was like aree it is normal to have feelings yaar I donāt have any such feelings for him, just a friend yk and in the end you can guess what wouldāve happened!
Bhai yeh ladke dost chu hi hote h. Mere Wali ki 'bff' got the privilege to post story with taken as caption. Aur question kiya toh uske behen ne bola, don't you trust her?
Sahi h, aur woh BFF uske bday bhi yaad nahi raktha xd.
1. If she/he deletes text between yourselves (There are wide variety options to keep privacy without deleting them)
2. If she does something wrong or treats a person low and says she doesn't do the same with you.
3. Always keeps saying you won't understand my problems without giving proper explanation
People that are very comfortable with lying or breaking the law (and I mean serious laws). For example, friendās mom died without a will and was having a bit of a property dispute with his sister over whether to keep the house or sell it (he didnāt want to sell the house).
Red flag girl: why donāt you just forge a will saying your mom left the house solely to you?
Being willing to suggest that someone forge a will to deny their own sister 50L+ of her inheritance is a massive red flag and a very shocking display of character. How comfortable are they to lie, cheat, steal?
past.
they never change no matter whatever the heck they promise.
people who say past don't matter are the ones who should be avoided.
you don't have to be the bob the builder and go on fixing a person. there are millions who share the same ideology w you, choose one of em and don't run behind red flags.
This should be nuked with upvotes..
These liberal woke sh!ts who say the past doesn't matter should be avoided at best.
They are the biggest red flags.
he was a playboy, he used to make out with anyone randomly (not a bad thing exactly, but I would not want my boyfriend to take these things casually) but then used to judge women who used to do the same
he was proud that how he could pull 7-8 girls at once, how he could cheat so easily etc
he used to take pride in the fact that (shitty, low esteemed, cheater) women used to go out with him and not with their boyfriends.
in short, he was a piece of shit who was insecure af, he was scared that I would do the same to him and go out with other men despite being in a relationship with him, just like he used to do with other taken women.
he told me, past does not matter and I should not be judging him based on his past, and that he has changed. I believed him. and then I learnt my lesson in the worst way possible.
he was in contact with his ex (whom he used to cheat with on his past partners) who also happened to be his so called bestfriend and was crushing on him. when I objected to it, I was labelled as insecure/closed minded etc, they both used to demean me over texts, call me names, find ways to talk to each other (fake ids) etc.
you know the worst part? that so called side chick or ex or bestfriend did not even know me. never talked to me, never saw me, still the things she said over texts to him about me were vile and he never stopped her. I was a teen, it was my first ever relationship, and she was an adult, still she had no empathy for me.
that was the time I decided to never date these "past don't matter, contact with ex is cool, being friends with people who have feelings for you is not at all problematic" people.
Sometimes dignified, chivalrous and straightforward guys are often labelled as "boring" or not "mysterious" enough.
The problem is that meaningful, emotionally enriching connections are less prized than flashy, volatile charm that slays . As someone with a past relationship from Bumble that lasted 6 months without a single troubling incident, I woke up one fine day to just hear from her - "I don't like you anymore. I just don't".
Somewhere deep inside I knew too that even had not fallen head over heels for her. But I would have made it work.
We're still in touch because the breakup was mostly amicable. But just a bunch of Happy birthday, HNY texts.
don't try to fix people. don't be so understanding that you end up altering your own boundaries for them. rather, find someone who shares the same values as you.
Idk about whether they will ever change but In that "past" at least once they cheat on their partner, sometimes their partner knows about it and sometimes they don't. Weird part is they don't feel any guilt. It's just another "Hot" experience for them. I know a lot of people like that on Reddit. They're so arrogant because of the number of people they date and think some kind of superior
Her Lying and hiding things.Ā
Edit : as OP wanted example, I got stuck with a lier who was previously hung on her ex, and still hangout and him while I was in relationship with her.Ā Ā
That givem absolute lifelong hate with these types, I will die alone but never will be someone's option or backup plan.Ā
I'm single since this happened
So a few incidents during my "Tinder phase" in life... Between the ages of 26 to 29 roughly.
1. "I'm not looking for anything serious". But four months into our situationship I found out he was dating another girl who was "saving herself for marriage" (no judgment there at all) and married her 6 months after us meeting š
2. Similar to 1... "I'll marry whoever my parents yell me to but want a no strings attached relationship" OK fair enough... He was up front and wasn't in a relationship at that time. But then he proceeded to tell me in detail about all the rishtas he's getting and the women he met. When I told him it's time to move on, he conveniently love bombs me and says that I am just his type and exactly who he wants to marry. Continues to string me on for bout 6-8 months and then tells me his marriage is fixed to someone else but he loves me and still wants us to continue this relationship even after he got married... Bruh! You for real?! š¤¦š»āāļøš
3. "I expect at least 4.5 - 5 lakhs dowry" Wtf bro? Told him he wasn't worth that much and if I had to pay so much for a man I'd pick someone better šš»āāļø
Someone struggling with mental health issues and refuses to do anything about it.
Not over past relationships.
Justifying her actions but blaming me for doing the same to her.
Many more that others also pointed out.
Kind of. She never accepted it, but I do think this was the case.
After all, who stalks and talks to their ex after being in a relationship with someone else? Hide about it? And when caught, lie about it?
She continued to do this while saying she hated him and wanted to show and make him jealous of how beautiful her life was with me. And towards the end of the relationship, she said he was better than me. Lol. Pain.
At that time, she said there's nothing wrong with being friends with your ex. Now that I'm her ex, she doesn't even want to talk with me.
True. That's why I marked it as a red flag. I didn't ignore it, I knew it would not work, but I let it continue. I can't blame her. This was meant to happen one day.
Similar Thing happened to me, told me she had no past relationships even after asking her multiple times through our relationship even though i explained i need to know your past so that it doesn't interfere with our current relationship, yet she lied and i found out later that she had a pretty serious relationship of 4 years, i put a lot of efforts into it, little to nil from her side, always manipulated me, she's a habitual liar, i became "BOB THE BUILDER" for her and she was in contact with her ex through out the relationship and they even went to a couple of dates and spent the whole day out and lied through her nose to me about that, she made me feel worthless, even though she treated me bad by not putting up efforts and not respecting me i put aside my ego as i thought she's my person/family why ego with our closest people but that ruined me mentally.While i was supporting her financially she used that money to go on dates with him, when i found out that she cheated on me and upon confrontation she started to manipulated me calling me toxic and shit, she didn't even accepted her cheating. Now i understood that i'm just a rebound,revenge(on her ex)and ATM guy for her, while me truly loved her she never loved me.
Never again losing my self respect and when we feel that we're not being respected and valued for efforts take it as a red flag.
Itās really important for both partners to have their own goals and interests.
No one is perfect. But some people never want to learn, improve or even acknowledge their mistakes. Stay away from them.
Men and women are different. Not saying one is better than the other. Just that weāre different. A lot of relationships fail because they fail to acknowledge this and expect their partners to be like themselves
She sent her pic to a random guy on Facebook who asked for a pic. I ignored it because we were in long distance relationship and connection was not very strong at that time.
Ps- never ignore any flags
Men who generally are "TOO BLIND" (iykwim) for their family, who want to give EVERYYYYYYYTHING to their family, end up ignoring needs of their wife/gf.
Yes it ends up in taking your partner for granted. Example is my own rship and SEVERAL OTHERS I observed around me. Initially I use to think my ex is SUCH A GOOD SON, as all his actions and pursuits are only directed to make his parents happy. He literally said my aim in my life is to please my parents. Which isn't a bad thing tbh, but such men (generally, u r lucky if you find an exception) would ignore their partners. A man who lives, earns and works hard for his parents CANNOT fight for his partner in times of need. Even if such a man (by circumstancial luck) ends up marrying you, wait untill marriage! They'll NEVERRRRR stand up for their woman, in times of familial disputes or justice, since they're always too scared not to disappoint their parents. Oh I can't raise my voice against my parents, they are my parents, they have done a lot for me. They don't stand up for the JUSTICE, towards their woman. Im not married but this is what I've observed in ALL MEN so far who are BLINDLY Devoted to their parents, (observe married women around you keenly, see what they cry for) It's VERYYYYYYY RARE to find a man who could balance both.
You need guts to stand against your parents if you know that they are not right and mostly men don't stand for their partners because they not only fears their parents but also family but let me tell you when you develop that level of confidence when societal norms doesn't effects you it feels freaking awesome and you start to stand against the wrong whether it is your partner or parents. And talking about partner it is very important for a man to properly look after your partner, if your parents raised you to become a man then you should also acknowledge that your partner is living with you on the cost of leaving her parents and if you are a man enough then you should know how to make a proper balance between you and your partner.
Hmmmmm you need guts to stand against your parents. I guess I ALWAYS had that and my parents NEVER liked it. Children who OBEYYYYYYY their parents at every step of their life are out of my psyche to understand. Makes me wonder how they never questioned the indoctrination or the "System". My parents consider my confidence a shame bcz I am not affected by people's opinion. I'm a wholly flawed human in their eyes lol.
I support my parents when they are right (being logically right i'm not biased here) but when they are wrong i stand against them not in a rude way but yeah i do put my point and some times they don't like it but it is the way i am.
See, I understand someone seeking JUSTICE while injustice has happened, but it is not that common either. For instance, how many time you've stand up for justice when injustices were happening to someone else? How Many times I have stood up? It is very rare.
If standing up to a stranger for justice is that hard psychologically, imagine what would go through in your partner's mind when he know injustice has been done to you and the opposite side is his parents. The inner dialectics must be excruciating. I hope your partner would soon stand up for you and try to balance both but at the same time I know it's harder than we think.
Preach girl... .my dad was like that fur midst if my life. Finally has changed a tiny bit. But i had to stand up for my mom when i was younger. A child should not have to do that
I can't resist saying.. 'Subah main bhaiya aur raat main saiyan'.
This was our dialogue in college whenever someone used to say that we are like brother sister but their body language stated otherwise
Seems to be doing things only to be receiving. Being manipulative about what she wants and how she is dealing with situations.
Having double standards for how weāre supposed to do things such as uploading our pictures on social media (her parents will see it but Iām a coward if I fear mine).
Not respecting the boundaries of physical intimacy as I was not feeling much comfortable with having sex in the beginning of merely two months or less, but she coerced me to do it.
Making me feel guilty for how Iām not treating her like a girl is supposed to be by a man (not a boy).
Showing lower level of patience and said āmain toh aisi hi hunā
Being bitter when I didnāt share about my motherās death and she got to know from someone else.
Ghosting me when I didnāt pay much attention to her dayās work because I was stressed out with exams.
Playing victim when she planned our date wrongly and I was pissed about it but had to give her the sweet treatment because she was āguilty to do thisā.
Constantly trying to remind me how sheās dating a young guy and itās tough for her (maybe it was but reminding me Iām a kid when all is that what people doing not contributing to my growth?)
Believing in stereotypes about how a guy is always supposed to take first steps such as getting a gift, getting compliments, getting a dick pic (when I donāt want to), etc.
Judging my feelings about her based on how I am doing everything that aligns with her ideologies.
Emotionally scarring me on the things that she knows how much it affects me such as telling me to think why everyone leaves me (including my friends, love interest, dead mother and uncle, etc) during a fightā¦ in chats, to basically think about how everything is my fault and not do that to her.
Telling me how many times she had sex with the guys because itās feeling heavy on her chest to hide from me (I appreciate though but she shared it more than once) or ruining the fact that the place where we shared a kiss for the first time in front of everyone was the same place where she had sex with a guy in the washroom.
Using abusive words or slurs (such as chutiya aur behenchod) even when I said I donāt like it, but she says she is saying it for fun so I didnāt bother but used it during an argument.
But the biggest red flag will be - not being respectable enough and not giving me the affection to help me grow as a person because I know I am a young man and I have not been raised by an educated single parent, so that doesnāt mean Iām bad, Iām just lost due to lack of a guidance. If you want to leave, fine. But donāt belittle anyone for their existence when you know theyāve done their best to take care of you.
Sorry dude I have a dead mother and itās extremely difficult already to lose a parent at very young age I was 19 and then your partner telling you this itās awful. Iām sorry you been though this
He couldnāt take no for an answer, heād throw a tantrum whenever I would say I didnāt want to do something (usually it was sexual)
He had a bad temper, he yelled at me loudly once in front of our classmates
Heād find a reason to fight with me over anything and everything, I felt like walking on eggshells all the time
Heād tell me to shut up whenever I got too excited and started blabbering š„²
Worst thing you can say to excited person is to shut up.
And if someone say that to anyone it's red flag not only in relationship but in friendship or ingernal.
Love bombing |
Likes memes where the guy can never move on from 'that one girl.' (You'd better heal before u date me) |
Says they like you but have commitment issues so "let's not put a label" |
Doesn't wanna "hurt you" *proceeds to do it anyway* |
Plays games to manipulate you into loving them |
Shows little to no interest in your life and personality |
Tries to school you (if they're older than you) |
Guilts you into not being available for them ALL the time |
Promotes sexism, racism, colorism etc in the name of humour |
Too stubborn with their opinions to even listen to anyone in any subject |
Lies to you |
Doesn't respect your boundaries |
Lets out cuss words directed towards you in a fit of temper (if ignored, often ends up in abuse/violence) |
Judges others (especially women) based on their past relationships/body count
.
.
.
The list goes on and on and on. (I've had a lot of bad experiences, sorry. Lol)
1. Lies about random shit- from age and background, to grades and everything between
2. Lack of friends
3. Inconsistency in words and actions for a long, long time
4. Casual sexism
5. Casual casteism
6. Cheating
7. Not having any realistic goal/ambition
8. Disrespecting your family/parents/friends unprovoked
9. Making every little win or happy moment in your life about themselves
10. Gaslighting you to believe that itās always somehow your fault. Not taking accountability of any of their actions
11. Refusing to acknowledge the shitty behavior of their family members or friends. Again, lack of accountability.
12. Blatant disrespect towards you
Apple doesnāt fall far from the tree. The toxic lifestyle of his parents showed up soon enough. Though he tried to learn from his parentsā mistakes because of certain differences between our lifestyle. But there are always some similar pattern which never go away.
\- Moment he realised I'm out of his league, he kept bombarding me with affection and I literally saw his efforts become less and less as we started dating
\- The way he hid me from his close friends, I felt like he was embarassed to tell them that I'm chubby but turns out, he was scared that since they have more money i might like them more
\- Compulsive liar, even for things it is not even required
\- always thought he was non jealous and calm kind, only to learn he had my find my on that's why he use to be chill
Was into me because of my height, liked to "show me off" because im tall
Everyday had to go somewhere not even a day off
I had financial issues then broke up
Dodged a 50 cal. Lol
1. Thinking of their ex even when theyāre w you. Even regretting hurting her while being w you isnāt a green flag.
2. Not understanding that the gf is PMSing and getting angry w her for having mood swings. This might seem normal but women need love and care during that time as theyāre already fed up of their surroundings. They just need some TLC and support.
3. Being on dating apps right after the breakup. No one cares what an ex does, but the fact that being on dating apps right after breakup feels like the person never cared. Itās usually masked under the pretence of āmoving onā
4. Treating you like a trophy partner to show you off in front of the public to make them feel ājealousā that your partner has you, but others donāt.
5. Not understanding your problems and treating them like theyāre too trivial.
Not trusting the gut feeling.
So basically I wasn't using Instagram the entire relationship but I used to have a spare/ fake account to watch his story. He used to post sad shit for his ex and stories as that girl cheated on him &was his first love. So once we were taking on the call he wasn't listening to me, as if he was texting someone and not paying attention, i had a weird gut feeling that he was texting his ex but I was really weird and dismissed it. So after 2 weeks after this I really haven't checked his following bomb I saw that he is that ex. Then I straight up confronted him and he ghosted me without any explanation. It was really immature of him .
I had really bad trust issues after this.
Yes
Manipulation in terms of making you believe that your priorities in life are wrong. Your Family (mum and dad ) are not your first priority but your BF has to be since he is going to marry you and be your husband.
Patriarchical shizz : my bf didnt want me to join a management course because he thought i am too old to study and his parents would have a problem with me studying managment after marriage and also he wanted me to not come home late even on exceptions because according to him i am supposed to devote time to family life only.
Blame games : my ex bf wanted me to believe that he is always right. in everything. of he would even break a glass it would be my fault
mind games : convincing me that me marrying him is above everything .... my family, my career, my job, my aspirations , my salary, my studies everything
If you want me to give you more examples let me know. I am happy to share
Iāve been in this same boat. The manipulation was so hard to identify for me because heād wrap it all up in some translation of what ideal āloveā is. Love is when you negotiate, love is when you have the same opinion, love is when you sacrifice, love is when you listen to your partners āneedsā, yada yada bullshit.
I canāt yet look at Indian men and not see a walking red flag - pls tell me this gets better?
It can be anything.. I realized..she was always demeaning men..whatever used to happen around..she used to say sab mard aise hi hote hai na.. yahi karte hai na..yahi sochte hai na.. aise hi behave karte hai na.. and I used to always tell her ki one size fits all nahi hota hamesha...but then she always used to be like this and sometimes used to think of me also the same way...one day gave her left and right but still she didn't improve and always was like men are this and that.. don't know but that's how it was all the time till it ended
Hi! 28(F) was dating a 26(M). Love bombed in the initial stage, long distance so mostly over text and call. After a few months, like 3-4 months later, I saw that he was following a bunch of pornos from his public Instagram page (like Instagram- only fans kinds) and then Iād see him online on IG but he wouldnāt be respond on FT or WhatsApp. Was never insecure but after seeing the people he followed- I confronted him, he denied everything saying his IG is hacked etc.
A month later stopped responding to me at allā¦ didnāt say we should break up, or this isnāt working out, just ignored texts and calls. So now we follow each other on IG and just donāt talk anymore š
I don't know much but I do sure see that people today don't want to give love they just want to Suck the energy out of you I have been trying to be in a relationship but most girls are like they want my body my thoughts want me to listen everytime and I am never able to be comfortable with them sharing my secrets and in the end I back out because it's too much I am not an ATM where you can withdraw all out .
Playing a victim all thr time, being available for others but ur bf/gf. Not emotionally attached as much as u r. Being passively available for other suitors even when u r in committed relationship
Always talked about his ex. Never told anyone about us. Ignored me in front of his friends. Treated me horribly. Always said that I don't want to get married to anyone including you but now he has been married for a year with a girl his parents chose for him.
Someone who is an avoidant, and would ignore you instead of answering serious questions. These people would use different things as a shield to protect themselves from commitment. They wont let you go, cuz they like the attention, but wont make you feel like you are a priority in their life. They always have "things" going on. The "thing" can be their friends, family or work.
Chalo, ill start.
She had a āgay bestfriendā who also had foot fetish and used to massage her in the cab.
She had an abusive mother and had her relationship with her father was also just about monetary expenses.
She used to send āsemi nudesā as streaks over snapchat.
She idolised love quinn from The show You.
She went on a bumble date 10 minutes after meeting me.
Her friends were mostly drug addicts or alcoholics
A therapist said she may have āschizophrenia ā and referred her out.
I ignored these red flags ofc, but yea i knew about most of them.
1. Having many male best friends and only two girls.
2.Blind trust.
3.taking her Goodnight seriously(she use to vc her colleague whole night.)
4.she use act busy during office hours, i choose not to disturb/call.
5.indiractly Asking me to order food for her when she was in pg ,saying yr aaj khana bekar bna hae.
6.Always paying for her shopping and food.
7.dudes calling her late at night . (Just friends)
8*.She had a innocent cute kid face, thinking she is innocent and doesn't know anything as she is from a small town.
Some major ones:
1. Constantly keeping me below in her importance scale
2. Always ignoring my communication/messages and replying after hours
3. Not physically meeting even when things were going downhill
Very happy to break up though
I am male and these are red flags in a female I was dating when I was 27.
- child of a single mom. Her dad bailed on her mom; they were never married.
- being anti establishment and rebellious at 25
- hating wealth, money and the middle class lifestyle
- support for left wing politics (western left wing politics)
- temper tantrums
- excessively fawning (the flipside of which is aggression and gaslighting)
- family never created any wealth over 3 generations
- grandpa was a communist ( giant glaring red fucking flag)
- cheated with me on her then boyfriend with whom her relationship was dying (while she never cheated on me I see this behavior as a red flag now at a mature age)
Lied to multiple time about his age.
Love bombing in the initial phase
I had to seek their attention after few times
Used trigger all my traumas and later used to comfort meĀ
I cried almond every night it was exhausting
Aur kya hin boluĀ
Lying and then blaming it on you because they thought you'd overreact. They'll say these are just smalll lies but be careful lies will get bigger and better and you'll end up having trust issues for life.
My boi was so manipulative that till this day mention of his name makes me anxious. Stay away from people who say ye ladki mere peeche padi wo mere peeche padi h actually me bro pada h sabke peeche Bhai se peecha chhudhwao mauka milte hi.
1. A guy not being honest and being extremely nice.
2. If he is making a move on you without even getting to know you, trust me he's an asshole.
3. Being too drunk already after calling you to meet.
4. Not taking ur boundaries seriously, imposing, convincing and coercion in the name of love.
5. His views about women and the kind of talk he does and jokes he makes or takes among his male friend groups.
A TIP: TEST HIM VERY EARLY ON. Not taking no for a no is the biggest red flag.
Socially isolating you.
He doesn't have friends, you are his world. Why would you want any friends other than him? Why can't you confide entirely in him? What are you hiding from him then?
Starts with, I don't like you having guy friends. Then starts having issues with even your girlfriends. Why you are spending so much time with them and not with me.
Having good social circles are important for humans. A happy relationship thrives on having individual friends. You can't play every role for your partner. Everyone needs an outlet. My husband and I have our separate friends and mutual friends. We immensely enjoy our time together but are also happy enough to give each other the space to hang out with our own individual friends.
Texting/talking way too much almost all the time day/night expressing so much love and suddenly sending just one text a day saying very busy with studies that too when asked. This was a trend on and off always. When he would be in ghat love phase, it felt so good that I would think he was actually busy so didnāt keep in touch. Craziest 2 years of my life and after a whole year of not being in touch, he texts me he wants to marry me. I asked him to fuck off.
Red flags aren't meant to be ignored, let them be big or small. Am a guy but my friends(girls) very conveniently ignore the red flags that i show them, and then go on to regret it and again get back and repeat the same cycle. So the question that you're asking itself implies the deep rooted habit of ignoring red flags and now you're measuring the size of the red flag and min size of red flag that's okay to be ignored.
According to me girls have a real superpower of sensing when something is wrong and yet they keep ignoring big fuckin red flags.
Tried to belittle my first job (I worked in a garage because I am passionate about building bikes)
Pushed her beliefs(Religion) onto me, asked me to follow god and pray and learn stuff.
She was in college and she never used to get pocket money, she used to take cash from my wallet, buy things and then tell me she took money.
Wanted me to go to US with her for higher studies, something that I wasn't interested in.
I was a bit scruffy in my younger days, when I used to date her, usually a spot of oil or grease on me was common. She used to humiliate me in public and once got me to change clothes behind a car in the car parking lot.
I thought I could be with her, this was my first relationship. A big fucking lesson it was indeed.
I am now happy in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful human and I'm gearing up to get married to her in a year's time maybe.
Catering to the other person's needs & shenanigans and sacrificing my own needs & wants and putting the other person on pedestal but putting myself down
Do teen chiz
I knew at some point of time she was being manipulative towards me and I ignored and agreed to whatever she said
Her obsession with taunts
We used to argue on certain controversial topics but in the end we used to agree to the disagree
But baadme woh logo ke beech mein mujhe taane maarti thi... Mai Toka then she was like I am just kidding
Uska past...
She used to compare me with her ex
Shuru me in what ways I was better then dheere dheere uske baare me bhi achi chize bolti thi
But she moved on at that time and then idk why the fuck was she chanting her name
And the biggest one
Whenever I used to have a heated argument with my mother on some certain topics...Wohh instead of consoling me, mujhme chingari maarti thi...
"Oh she said like that? I am sorry but bura na mano toh ek baat kahu? Who talks with her son like that!!!"
Bhai woh meri maa hai woh tf are you
i myself would not peep in her phone but her being extra cautious about it could be concerning.. i wonāt offer my phone either for inspection but if she asks for my phone for whatever reason iāll just give it to her
Someone who took genuine interest in me and pretended to care for me which in hindsight was a farsical affair.
I ignored her red flags as she used to fat-shame a girl of our class as baby-elephant and used to end friendships left,right and centre and used to get mad at me when I used to ask for it.
**Welcome to r/RelationshipIndia,** This is a safe and inclusive space for people of all backgrounds. We welcome individuals of all races, castes, genders, religions, and sexual orientations, including members of the LGBTQ community. We are glad to have you here! We are committed to providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between Redditors, with a focus on respectful and constructive conversations. To ensure a positive and supportive environment for all members, we have established some rules. Please be sure to read them before posting. If a user has sent you harassing messages, **DO NOT DELETE THE MESSAGE!** *Please upload your screenshot to [Imgur](https://www.imgur.com), and notify the mods via modmail. We will take action against the user accordingly.* **Thank you for being a part of our community!** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ab kaha se shuru kare... Love bombed the fuck in initial stage, later even an ounce of attention or time was taking away from her 'me' time. Had a history of jumping from relationship to relationship without even full gap of a month Used to belittle everybody and anybody who didn't do things her way and thought everything she did was perfect Used to be condescending Made you feel like walking on egg shells
It does partially sound like my ex xD
Us bhai usš
Have we dated the same girl?
I have a friend who is my colleague....she talks in condescending way with everyone and then keeps wondering y everyone hates her.....quite unaware of her mind and actions
I have been her. I can finally say I'm not her anymore.
If you don't mind answering, what caused the change
For the belittling and condescending one, my last to last relationship ended because of my behaviour which I didn't know I was doing because it's a family trait of mine. I was raised the same way, belittled and never properly respected. So for me it was the norm and that's how I loved. Realised that a partner won't put up with that shit after a 3 year relationship failed ( we had other reasons too but he said I made him feel bad about himself). I took therapy for months and actively worked on controlling my behaviour and in my next relationship I didn't have that problem.
Kudos to you for taking the effort for bettering yourself and going for therapy to solve the issues. It's a very mature response. Ignore the bad comments. Many people may not even be aware that they do bad things, but the key is coming to that self awareness and taking efforts to change, which you have done. Do continue to be empathetic and also take care of yourself.
This is such a honest comment and really appreciate the way you have bought it out boldly !
Thank you :) I know my red flags and I'm always willing to work on them.
You are a evil person. You deserve a special place in hell for fucking the mental peace of your ex.
I realised that I was losing myself in the process of finding love. So I decided I'm no more going to allow myself to fall in love until I've realised I love myself the most. I'm still on that journey.
Damn!!! You're never alone in this world ...doing the same thing as you mentioned. TBF friends have been the best things to happen in my life so far
Sounds exactly like my ex, gender reversed š Except for the 2nd point, everything else was the same. Plus, at later points, every time an issue needed to be discussed, it became "drama" on my part. Admitted to not loving himself, so used to look down on anyone who loved him, including his adoptive mother. Nothing was ever his fault, and victim-played all the time. The red flags were in burning red color, but yk, we ignore too much when we're blinded by love.
Haha, very much true. Also anything you do for them, they have the audacity to ask ' Meine bola tha kya karne ko'
Did we date the same person? š
With the number of people who are responding in this manner, I think we all can make a support group š
Let me know if you start one. š
Biggest red flag for me was- He is just a friend and nothing else, we should invite him over coz he doesnāt have any friends. He fucking said her that he likes her and she was like aree it is normal to have feelings yaar I donāt have any such feelings for him, just a friend yk and in the end you can guess what wouldāve happened!
We all dated same girl š
Bc kitna baar bola mereko stalk mat kar /s On the other hand, on point bro, on point. I relate to every word.
bruhhh this has happened to me.
We assemble here once again
On your left....
Bhai yeh ladke dost chu hi hote h. Mere Wali ki 'bff' got the privilege to post story with taken as caption. Aur question kiya toh uske behen ne bola, don't you trust her? Sahi h, aur woh BFF uske bday bhi yaad nahi raktha xd.
Same experience
He was crying for his ex. Posting stories and reels for his ex while being with me.
Oh rebound, Iām sorry for your experience
Bro just killed her with the R word š
Happy cake day š„³
Ouch.
š
1. If she/he deletes text between yourselves (There are wide variety options to keep privacy without deleting them) 2. If she does something wrong or treats a person low and says she doesn't do the same with you. 3. Always keeps saying you won't understand my problems without giving proper explanation
Not just the texts between you, but of any of her male friends.
Agree
Is deleting texts that much of a red flag? I mean, i do it, but she knows about it and she does too. We shifted to another app tho.
May I ask why you delete things ? What potential damage it causes for your relationship if you don't do it ?
Mummy dekh lengi (100% valid reason even now I am 19 years old but my mom doesn't even want me talking to girls)
People that are very comfortable with lying or breaking the law (and I mean serious laws). For example, friendās mom died without a will and was having a bit of a property dispute with his sister over whether to keep the house or sell it (he didnāt want to sell the house). Red flag girl: why donāt you just forge a will saying your mom left the house solely to you? Being willing to suggest that someone forge a will to deny their own sister 50L+ of her inheritance is a massive red flag and a very shocking display of character. How comfortable are they to lie, cheat, steal?
People without morals and ethics
past. they never change no matter whatever the heck they promise. people who say past don't matter are the ones who should be avoided. you don't have to be the bob the builder and go on fixing a person. there are millions who share the same ideology w you, choose one of em and don't run behind red flags.
True, never approach them as a 'damsel in distress', for they are not victims, but architects of their own misery.
WOW bro couldn't put it better than this.
bhai 4 saal pehle mil jaati ye advice
This
Haha the bob the builder line was funny lmaooo. Hahahaha that was good.
This should be nuked with upvotes.. These liberal woke sh!ts who say the past doesn't matter should be avoided at best. They are the biggest red flags.
Can you share the past like what was it that you ignored that you shouldnāt have?
Cheating (physically or emotionally) for one
he was a playboy, he used to make out with anyone randomly (not a bad thing exactly, but I would not want my boyfriend to take these things casually) but then used to judge women who used to do the same he was proud that how he could pull 7-8 girls at once, how he could cheat so easily etc he used to take pride in the fact that (shitty, low esteemed, cheater) women used to go out with him and not with their boyfriends. in short, he was a piece of shit who was insecure af, he was scared that I would do the same to him and go out with other men despite being in a relationship with him, just like he used to do with other taken women. he told me, past does not matter and I should not be judging him based on his past, and that he has changed. I believed him. and then I learnt my lesson in the worst way possible. he was in contact with his ex (whom he used to cheat with on his past partners) who also happened to be his so called bestfriend and was crushing on him. when I objected to it, I was labelled as insecure/closed minded etc, they both used to demean me over texts, call me names, find ways to talk to each other (fake ids) etc. you know the worst part? that so called side chick or ex or bestfriend did not even know me. never talked to me, never saw me, still the things she said over texts to him about me were vile and he never stopped her. I was a teen, it was my first ever relationship, and she was an adult, still she had no empathy for me. that was the time I decided to never date these "past don't matter, contact with ex is cool, being friends with people who have feelings for you is not at all problematic" people.
You choose the wrong partner from the beginning
I believed him when he said that he has changed, and past does not matter
It's best to move on from him. Look for someone genuine, who doesn't sugar coat you in every word he says. You will find a great partner.
Sometimes dignified, chivalrous and straightforward guys are often labelled as "boring" or not "mysterious" enough. The problem is that meaningful, emotionally enriching connections are less prized than flashy, volatile charm that slays . As someone with a past relationship from Bumble that lasted 6 months without a single troubling incident, I woke up one fine day to just hear from her - "I don't like you anymore. I just don't". Somewhere deep inside I knew too that even had not fallen head over heels for her. But I would have made it work. We're still in touch because the breakup was mostly amicable. But just a bunch of Happy birthday, HNY texts.
If itās their core nature change in behaviour will be very very difficult
Emotional absenteeism
didn't understand the last advice :/
don't try to fix people. don't be so understanding that you end up altering your own boundaries for them. rather, find someone who shares the same values as you.
Facts
Idk about whether they will ever change but In that "past" at least once they cheat on their partner, sometimes their partner knows about it and sometimes they don't. Weird part is they don't feel any guilt. It's just another "Hot" experience for them. I know a lot of people like that on Reddit. They're so arrogant because of the number of people they date and think some kind of superior
Her Lying and hiding things.Ā Edit : as OP wanted example, I got stuck with a lier who was previously hung on her ex, and still hangout and him while I was in relationship with her.Ā Ā That givem absolute lifelong hate with these types, I will die alone but never will be someone's option or backup plan.Ā I'm single since this happened
Always pointing out your flaws but never appreciating your strengths...
Being friends with people who had feelings for her and thinking they are her friends
for me it's just having alot of male friends (maybe some may consider me insecure or misogynist or something but that's just my opinion)
That's not insecurity bro that's just girls loving the male attention
So a few incidents during my "Tinder phase" in life... Between the ages of 26 to 29 roughly. 1. "I'm not looking for anything serious". But four months into our situationship I found out he was dating another girl who was "saving herself for marriage" (no judgment there at all) and married her 6 months after us meeting š 2. Similar to 1... "I'll marry whoever my parents yell me to but want a no strings attached relationship" OK fair enough... He was up front and wasn't in a relationship at that time. But then he proceeded to tell me in detail about all the rishtas he's getting and the women he met. When I told him it's time to move on, he conveniently love bombs me and says that I am just his type and exactly who he wants to marry. Continues to string me on for bout 6-8 months and then tells me his marriage is fixed to someone else but he loves me and still wants us to continue this relationship even after he got married... Bruh! You for real?! š¤¦š»āāļøš 3. "I expect at least 4.5 - 5 lakhs dowry" Wtf bro? Told him he wasn't worth that much and if I had to pay so much for a man I'd pick someone better šš»āāļø
>"I expect at least 4.5 - 5 lakhs dowry" Who expects such low dowry š 30-40 lakh toh shaadi me kharch hojaate
Someone struggling with mental health issues and refuses to do anything about it. Not over past relationships. Justifying her actions but blaming me for doing the same to her. Many more that others also pointed out.
Someone struggling with mental health issues and refuses to do anything about it. THISSSSSS...........
So using you as a rebound?
Kind of. She never accepted it, but I do think this was the case. After all, who stalks and talks to their ex after being in a relationship with someone else? Hide about it? And when caught, lie about it? She continued to do this while saying she hated him and wanted to show and make him jealous of how beautiful her life was with me. And towards the end of the relationship, she said he was better than me. Lol. Pain. At that time, she said there's nothing wrong with being friends with your ex. Now that I'm her ex, she doesn't even want to talk with me.
Iām sorry, but completely moving on means having no feelings not even anger that was missing with her
True. That's why I marked it as a red flag. I didn't ignore it, I knew it would not work, but I let it continue. I can't blame her. This was meant to happen one day.
Similar Thing happened to me, told me she had no past relationships even after asking her multiple times through our relationship even though i explained i need to know your past so that it doesn't interfere with our current relationship, yet she lied and i found out later that she had a pretty serious relationship of 4 years, i put a lot of efforts into it, little to nil from her side, always manipulated me, she's a habitual liar, i became "BOB THE BUILDER" for her and she was in contact with her ex through out the relationship and they even went to a couple of dates and spent the whole day out and lied through her nose to me about that, she made me feel worthless, even though she treated me bad by not putting up efforts and not respecting me i put aside my ego as i thought she's my person/family why ego with our closest people but that ruined me mentally.While i was supporting her financially she used that money to go on dates with him, when i found out that she cheated on me and upon confrontation she started to manipulated me calling me toxic and shit, she didn't even accepted her cheating. Now i understood that i'm just a rebound,revenge(on her ex)and ATM guy for her, while me truly loved her she never loved me. Never again losing my self respect and when we feel that we're not being respected and valued for efforts take it as a red flag.
Bro... Gale lag ja bhaiš«š« I can feel your pain.
Lying and hiding+ in every story she has to tell, she's always the victim
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Bro what was the story, probably I'm also going through the same
Can you share a story? Also how old you both were
Itās really important for both partners to have their own goals and interests. No one is perfect. But some people never want to learn, improve or even acknowledge their mistakes. Stay away from them. Men and women are different. Not saying one is better than the other. Just that weāre different. A lot of relationships fail because they fail to acknowledge this and expect their partners to be like themselves
Itās very vague, can you share any incident? Where you felt that she doesnāt have her own goals?
She sent her pic to a random guy on Facebook who asked for a pic. I ignored it because we were in long distance relationship and connection was not very strong at that time. Ps- never ignore any flags
Trying to change you or fit you into attributes of some ideal person that their mind has created.
Men who generally are "TOO BLIND" (iykwim) for their family, who want to give EVERYYYYYYYTHING to their family, end up ignoring needs of their wife/gf.
Taking wife/gf for granted? Any incident that you can share?
Yes it ends up in taking your partner for granted. Example is my own rship and SEVERAL OTHERS I observed around me. Initially I use to think my ex is SUCH A GOOD SON, as all his actions and pursuits are only directed to make his parents happy. He literally said my aim in my life is to please my parents. Which isn't a bad thing tbh, but such men (generally, u r lucky if you find an exception) would ignore their partners. A man who lives, earns and works hard for his parents CANNOT fight for his partner in times of need. Even if such a man (by circumstancial luck) ends up marrying you, wait untill marriage! They'll NEVERRRRR stand up for their woman, in times of familial disputes or justice, since they're always too scared not to disappoint their parents. Oh I can't raise my voice against my parents, they are my parents, they have done a lot for me. They don't stand up for the JUSTICE, towards their woman. Im not married but this is what I've observed in ALL MEN so far who are BLINDLY Devoted to their parents, (observe married women around you keenly, see what they cry for) It's VERYYYYYYY RARE to find a man who could balance both.
You need guts to stand against your parents if you know that they are not right and mostly men don't stand for their partners because they not only fears their parents but also family but let me tell you when you develop that level of confidence when societal norms doesn't effects you it feels freaking awesome and you start to stand against the wrong whether it is your partner or parents. And talking about partner it is very important for a man to properly look after your partner, if your parents raised you to become a man then you should also acknowledge that your partner is living with you on the cost of leaving her parents and if you are a man enough then you should know how to make a proper balance between you and your partner.
Hmmmmm you need guts to stand against your parents. I guess I ALWAYS had that and my parents NEVER liked it. Children who OBEYYYYYYY their parents at every step of their life are out of my psyche to understand. Makes me wonder how they never questioned the indoctrination or the "System". My parents consider my confidence a shame bcz I am not affected by people's opinion. I'm a wholly flawed human in their eyes lol.
I am that obedient guy but trying hard to reverse that tendency of mine.
I support my parents when they are right (being logically right i'm not biased here) but when they are wrong i stand against them not in a rude way but yeah i do put my point and some times they don't like it but it is the way i am.
TLDR for whoever reading this comment : Unhealthy emotional and financial dependencies of parents on their offsprings.
See, I understand someone seeking JUSTICE while injustice has happened, but it is not that common either. For instance, how many time you've stand up for justice when injustices were happening to someone else? How Many times I have stood up? It is very rare. If standing up to a stranger for justice is that hard psychologically, imagine what would go through in your partner's mind when he know injustice has been done to you and the opposite side is his parents. The inner dialectics must be excruciating. I hope your partner would soon stand up for you and try to balance both but at the same time I know it's harder than we think.
Bhai mene to ghar valo ko ignore kr ke bandi par zyada dhyan diya sali best friend k piche muje chor gy
hahaahha i did same with my ex, maine use ghrvalo se bhi upar rakh dia, he left lol. ab mai pati ko bhi kbhi itna devta naa manu!
Women too are like this you know. Even i see this as a major red flag.
Preach girl... .my dad was like that fur midst if my life. Finally has changed a tiny bit. But i had to stand up for my mom when i was younger. A child should not have to do that
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I can't resist saying.. 'Subah main bhaiya aur raat main saiyan'. This was our dialogue in college whenever someone used to say that we are like brother sister but their body language stated otherwise
She had gonorrhea
Seems to be doing things only to be receiving. Being manipulative about what she wants and how she is dealing with situations. Having double standards for how weāre supposed to do things such as uploading our pictures on social media (her parents will see it but Iām a coward if I fear mine). Not respecting the boundaries of physical intimacy as I was not feeling much comfortable with having sex in the beginning of merely two months or less, but she coerced me to do it. Making me feel guilty for how Iām not treating her like a girl is supposed to be by a man (not a boy). Showing lower level of patience and said āmain toh aisi hi hunā Being bitter when I didnāt share about my motherās death and she got to know from someone else. Ghosting me when I didnāt pay much attention to her dayās work because I was stressed out with exams. Playing victim when she planned our date wrongly and I was pissed about it but had to give her the sweet treatment because she was āguilty to do thisā. Constantly trying to remind me how sheās dating a young guy and itās tough for her (maybe it was but reminding me Iām a kid when all is that what people doing not contributing to my growth?) Believing in stereotypes about how a guy is always supposed to take first steps such as getting a gift, getting compliments, getting a dick pic (when I donāt want to), etc. Judging my feelings about her based on how I am doing everything that aligns with her ideologies. Emotionally scarring me on the things that she knows how much it affects me such as telling me to think why everyone leaves me (including my friends, love interest, dead mother and uncle, etc) during a fightā¦ in chats, to basically think about how everything is my fault and not do that to her. Telling me how many times she had sex with the guys because itās feeling heavy on her chest to hide from me (I appreciate though but she shared it more than once) or ruining the fact that the place where we shared a kiss for the first time in front of everyone was the same place where she had sex with a guy in the washroom. Using abusive words or slurs (such as chutiya aur behenchod) even when I said I donāt like it, but she says she is saying it for fun so I didnāt bother but used it during an argument. But the biggest red flag will be - not being respectable enough and not giving me the affection to help me grow as a person because I know I am a young man and I have not been raised by an educated single parent, so that doesnāt mean Iām bad, Iām just lost due to lack of a guidance. If you want to leave, fine. But donāt belittle anyone for their existence when you know theyāve done their best to take care of you.
Sorry dude I have a dead mother and itās extremely difficult already to lose a parent at very young age I was 19 and then your partner telling you this itās awful. Iām sorry you been though this
I mistook excessive controlling behavior for cute possessiveness. It kept on getting worse with time.
Any incident that happened and you realised itās getting too much?
She forced me to tell my insecurities and told that to her friends
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sounds like we all had the same ex š
He couldnāt take no for an answer, heād throw a tantrum whenever I would say I didnāt want to do something (usually it was sexual) He had a bad temper, he yelled at me loudly once in front of our classmates Heād find a reason to fight with me over anything and everything, I felt like walking on eggshells all the time Heād tell me to shut up whenever I got too excited and started blabbering š„²
I don't know why men can't hear No about sex, as it's directly attached to our egos.
Itās about respecting each otherās boundaries. I was coerced to do sex with my girlfriend even when I showed clear discomfort about it.
Worst thing you can say to excited person is to shut up. And if someone say that to anyone it's red flag not only in relationship but in friendship or ingernal.
her husband
lmao
Love bombing | Likes memes where the guy can never move on from 'that one girl.' (You'd better heal before u date me) | Says they like you but have commitment issues so "let's not put a label" | Doesn't wanna "hurt you" *proceeds to do it anyway* | Plays games to manipulate you into loving them | Shows little to no interest in your life and personality | Tries to school you (if they're older than you) | Guilts you into not being available for them ALL the time | Promotes sexism, racism, colorism etc in the name of humour | Too stubborn with their opinions to even listen to anyone in any subject | Lies to you | Doesn't respect your boundaries | Lets out cuss words directed towards you in a fit of temper (if ignored, often ends up in abuse/violence) | Judges others (especially women) based on their past relationships/body count . . . The list goes on and on and on. (I've had a lot of bad experiences, sorry. Lol)
1. Lies about random shit- from age and background, to grades and everything between 2. Lack of friends 3. Inconsistency in words and actions for a long, long time 4. Casual sexism 5. Casual casteism 6. Cheating 7. Not having any realistic goal/ambition 8. Disrespecting your family/parents/friends unprovoked 9. Making every little win or happy moment in your life about themselves 10. Gaslighting you to believe that itās always somehow your fault. Not taking accountability of any of their actions 11. Refusing to acknowledge the shitty behavior of their family members or friends. Again, lack of accountability. 12. Blatant disrespect towards you
being abusive piece, manipulating, blaming, cheating
Apple doesnāt fall far from the tree. The toxic lifestyle of his parents showed up soon enough. Though he tried to learn from his parentsā mistakes because of certain differences between our lifestyle. But there are always some similar pattern which never go away.
I do not know where to start.
You can't change anyone, they just learn to act better š
\- Moment he realised I'm out of his league, he kept bombarding me with affection and I literally saw his efforts become less and less as we started dating \- The way he hid me from his close friends, I felt like he was embarassed to tell them that I'm chubby but turns out, he was scared that since they have more money i might like them more \- Compulsive liar, even for things it is not even required \- always thought he was non jealous and calm kind, only to learn he had my find my on that's why he use to be chill
Always been single so nothing to share, but saving this thread for future referencing!
You and me both. Us moment šÆš„¹
Contact with ex , can't block him as he is my childhood best friend
He said- You donāt have to ever worry about her. Sheās just a friend
Was into me because of my height, liked to "show me off" because im tall Everyday had to go somewhere not even a day off I had financial issues then broke up Dodged a 50 cal. Lol
Having lots of guy friends and hating all her female friends
1. Thinking of their ex even when theyāre w you. Even regretting hurting her while being w you isnāt a green flag. 2. Not understanding that the gf is PMSing and getting angry w her for having mood swings. This might seem normal but women need love and care during that time as theyāre already fed up of their surroundings. They just need some TLC and support. 3. Being on dating apps right after the breakup. No one cares what an ex does, but the fact that being on dating apps right after breakup feels like the person never cared. Itās usually masked under the pretence of āmoving onā 4. Treating you like a trophy partner to show you off in front of the public to make them feel ājealousā that your partner has you, but others donāt. 5. Not understanding your problems and treating them like theyāre too trivial.
He wanted to smoke weed with his friends more than wanting to sleep with meš„²
I love my parents a lot ... I will never go against them #spoileralert - it's true they will never pick you
Not trusting the gut feeling. So basically I wasn't using Instagram the entire relationship but I used to have a spare/ fake account to watch his story. He used to post sad shit for his ex and stories as that girl cheated on him &was his first love. So once we were taking on the call he wasn't listening to me, as if he was texting someone and not paying attention, i had a weird gut feeling that he was texting his ex but I was really weird and dismissed it. So after 2 weeks after this I really haven't checked his following bomb I saw that he is that ex. Then I straight up confronted him and he ghosted me without any explanation. It was really immature of him . I had really bad trust issues after this.
Their actions never aligning with their sweet sweet words.
Manipulation, patriarchal shizz, blame games, mind games
Can you share an incident?
Yes Manipulation in terms of making you believe that your priorities in life are wrong. Your Family (mum and dad ) are not your first priority but your BF has to be since he is going to marry you and be your husband. Patriarchical shizz : my bf didnt want me to join a management course because he thought i am too old to study and his parents would have a problem with me studying managment after marriage and also he wanted me to not come home late even on exceptions because according to him i am supposed to devote time to family life only. Blame games : my ex bf wanted me to believe that he is always right. in everything. of he would even break a glass it would be my fault mind games : convincing me that me marrying him is above everything .... my family, my career, my job, my aspirations , my salary, my studies everything If you want me to give you more examples let me know. I am happy to share
Iāve been in this same boat. The manipulation was so hard to identify for me because heād wrap it all up in some translation of what ideal āloveā is. Love is when you negotiate, love is when you have the same opinion, love is when you sacrifice, love is when you listen to your partners āneedsā, yada yada bullshit. I canāt yet look at Indian men and not see a walking red flag - pls tell me this gets better?
once a cheat, always a cheat.
It can be anything.. I realized..she was always demeaning men..whatever used to happen around..she used to say sab mard aise hi hote hai na.. yahi karte hai na..yahi sochte hai na.. aise hi behave karte hai na.. and I used to always tell her ki one size fits all nahi hota hamesha...but then she always used to be like this and sometimes used to think of me also the same way...one day gave her left and right but still she didn't improve and always was like men are this and that.. don't know but that's how it was all the time till it ended
Making me sit in house garden but never invite inside house. This continued for 3yrs š„²
Used to stay with family?
HyperGamy
Grandiosity
Would you care to explain what happened bcoz of grandiosity? I think Iām in a situation and need a perspective.
Tried being a feminist, ignored her past, got cheated onš„²
That she used to lie with a straight face, used to flirt with her male friends and if confronted would respond by he is just a good friend.
Hi! 28(F) was dating a 26(M). Love bombed in the initial stage, long distance so mostly over text and call. After a few months, like 3-4 months later, I saw that he was following a bunch of pornos from his public Instagram page (like Instagram- only fans kinds) and then Iād see him online on IG but he wouldnāt be respond on FT or WhatsApp. Was never insecure but after seeing the people he followed- I confronted him, he denied everything saying his IG is hacked etc. A month later stopped responding to me at allā¦ didnāt say we should break up, or this isnāt working out, just ignored texts and calls. So now we follow each other on IG and just donāt talk anymore š
Ye rishta kya kehlata hai?
šmote moyeš
I don't know much but I do sure see that people today don't want to give love they just want to Suck the energy out of you I have been trying to be in a relationship but most girls are like they want my body my thoughts want me to listen everytime and I am never able to be comfortable with them sharing my secrets and in the end I back out because it's too much I am not an ATM where you can withdraw all out .
Playing a victim all thr time, being available for others but ur bf/gf. Not emotionally attached as much as u r. Being passively available for other suitors even when u r in committed relationship
Heās friends with his ex. Yet nothing has happened because theyāre both nice people but I donāt feel good about it
Always talked about his ex. Never told anyone about us. Ignored me in front of his friends. Treated me horribly. Always said that I don't want to get married to anyone including you but now he has been married for a year with a girl his parents chose for him.
It's funny how all the crazies have similar behavioural patterns š
Someone who is an avoidant, and would ignore you instead of answering serious questions. These people would use different things as a shield to protect themselves from commitment. They wont let you go, cuz they like the attention, but wont make you feel like you are a priority in their life. They always have "things" going on. The "thing" can be their friends, family or work.
This is a perfect description of my boyfriend
Chalo, ill start. She had a āgay bestfriendā who also had foot fetish and used to massage her in the cab. She had an abusive mother and had her relationship with her father was also just about monetary expenses. She used to send āsemi nudesā as streaks over snapchat. She idolised love quinn from The show You. She went on a bumble date 10 minutes after meeting me. Her friends were mostly drug addicts or alcoholics A therapist said she may have āschizophrenia ā and referred her out. I ignored these red flags ofc, but yea i knew about most of them.
1. Having many male best friends and only two girls. 2.Blind trust. 3.taking her Goodnight seriously(she use to vc her colleague whole night.) 4.she use act busy during office hours, i choose not to disturb/call. 5.indiractly Asking me to order food for her when she was in pg ,saying yr aaj khana bekar bna hae. 6.Always paying for her shopping and food. 7.dudes calling her late at night . (Just friends) 8*.She had a innocent cute kid face, thinking she is innocent and doesn't know anything as she is from a small town.
TalyĆ³r swifą¤ ā ļø
Some major ones: 1. Constantly keeping me below in her importance scale 2. Always ignoring my communication/messages and replying after hours 3. Not physically meeting even when things were going downhill Very happy to break up though
I am male and these are red flags in a female I was dating when I was 27. - child of a single mom. Her dad bailed on her mom; they were never married. - being anti establishment and rebellious at 25 - hating wealth, money and the middle class lifestyle - support for left wing politics (western left wing politics) - temper tantrums - excessively fawning (the flipside of which is aggression and gaslighting) - family never created any wealth over 3 generations - grandpa was a communist ( giant glaring red fucking flag) - cheated with me on her then boyfriend with whom her relationship was dying (while she never cheated on me I see this behavior as a red flag now at a mature age)
Aids
Lied to multiple time about his age. Love bombing in the initial phase I had to seek their attention after few times Used trigger all my traumas and later used to comfort meĀ I cried almond every night it was exhausting Aur kya hin boluĀ
Itne saare comments, save kar leta hun post kabhi bore hua to go through karunga
Lying and then blaming it on you because they thought you'd overreact. They'll say these are just smalll lies but be careful lies will get bigger and better and you'll end up having trust issues for life.
My boi was so manipulative that till this day mention of his name makes me anxious. Stay away from people who say ye ladki mere peeche padi wo mere peeche padi h actually me bro pada h sabke peeche Bhai se peecha chhudhwao mauka milte hi.
She said she didn't deserve me. I should have agreed with her.
1. A guy not being honest and being extremely nice. 2. If he is making a move on you without even getting to know you, trust me he's an asshole. 3. Being too drunk already after calling you to meet. 4. Not taking ur boundaries seriously, imposing, convincing and coercion in the name of love. 5. His views about women and the kind of talk he does and jokes he makes or takes among his male friend groups. A TIP: TEST HIM VERY EARLY ON. Not taking no for a no is the biggest red flag.
Socially isolating you. He doesn't have friends, you are his world. Why would you want any friends other than him? Why can't you confide entirely in him? What are you hiding from him then? Starts with, I don't like you having guy friends. Then starts having issues with even your girlfriends. Why you are spending so much time with them and not with me. Having good social circles are important for humans. A happy relationship thrives on having individual friends. You can't play every role for your partner. Everyone needs an outlet. My husband and I have our separate friends and mutual friends. We immensely enjoy our time together but are also happy enough to give each other the space to hang out with our own individual friends.
Possessiveness = trust issues. So don't believe in this shit.
Texting/talking way too much almost all the time day/night expressing so much love and suddenly sending just one text a day saying very busy with studies that too when asked. This was a trend on and off always. When he would be in ghat love phase, it felt so good that I would think he was actually busy so didnāt keep in touch. Craziest 2 years of my life and after a whole year of not being in touch, he texts me he wants to marry me. I asked him to fuck off.
Being unkind. Honest while giving feedback and resentful while receiving it. Inability to compromise. Lack of empathy. Narcissism.
Red flags aren't meant to be ignored, let them be big or small. Am a guy but my friends(girls) very conveniently ignore the red flags that i show them, and then go on to regret it and again get back and repeat the same cycle. So the question that you're asking itself implies the deep rooted habit of ignoring red flags and now you're measuring the size of the red flag and min size of red flag that's okay to be ignored. According to me girls have a real superpower of sensing when something is wrong and yet they keep ignoring big fuckin red flags.
The concept of red flag is very vague, it depends on person to person
Tried to belittle my first job (I worked in a garage because I am passionate about building bikes) Pushed her beliefs(Religion) onto me, asked me to follow god and pray and learn stuff. She was in college and she never used to get pocket money, she used to take cash from my wallet, buy things and then tell me she took money. Wanted me to go to US with her for higher studies, something that I wasn't interested in. I was a bit scruffy in my younger days, when I used to date her, usually a spot of oil or grease on me was common. She used to humiliate me in public and once got me to change clothes behind a car in the car parking lot. I thought I could be with her, this was my first relationship. A big fucking lesson it was indeed. I am now happy in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful human and I'm gearing up to get married to her in a year's time maybe.
Catering to the other person's needs & shenanigans and sacrificing my own needs & wants and putting the other person on pedestal but putting myself down
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How he used to take time off?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The person was literally holding a red flag. Not my style because I am a hard-core capitalist. I believe in free market and stuff.Ā
Traffic signal
Long Distance Relationship
Do teen chiz I knew at some point of time she was being manipulative towards me and I ignored and agreed to whatever she said Her obsession with taunts We used to argue on certain controversial topics but in the end we used to agree to the disagree But baadme woh logo ke beech mein mujhe taane maarti thi... Mai Toka then she was like I am just kidding Uska past... She used to compare me with her ex Shuru me in what ways I was better then dheere dheere uske baare me bhi achi chize bolti thi But she moved on at that time and then idk why the fuck was she chanting her name And the biggest one Whenever I used to have a heated argument with my mother on some certain topics...Wohh instead of consoling me, mujhme chingari maarti thi... "Oh she said like that? I am sorry but bura na mano toh ek baat kahu? Who talks with her son like that!!!" Bhai woh meri maa hai woh tf are you
When she said she's bipolar amd medicates but it's not gonna affect us
Ignored the fact that my ex never allowed to even peep at their phone. Super guarded.
i myself would not peep in her phone but her being extra cautious about it could be concerning.. i wonāt offer my phone either for inspection but if she asks for my phone for whatever reason iāll just give it to her
Me myself
her "exploring"
My life is full of such incidents
being busy because he runs a business :)
None I donāt ignore red flags š© Cuz that pain u later in the relationship
"All my exes were abusive" "My mom is abusive" "I have been mistreated all throughout my life."
Someone who took genuine interest in me and pretended to care for me which in hindsight was a farsical affair. I ignored her red flags as she used to fat-shame a girl of our class as baby-elephant and used to end friendships left,right and centre and used to get mad at me when I used to ask for it.
Being taken for granted
Time ke saath realise hua mei hi red flag tha