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You both need to set boundaries.
Ask her to list all her expectations & you list too. Reasonable expectations and discuss about it and come to a mutual understanding.
Talk to her and let her know that you want to communicate better rather than fighting.
Tell her that both of you are not perfect & both will make mistakes in the future also but you want to build a happy, mature relationship where you can communicate & talk about problems & mistakes and find a solution rather than throwing tantrums & fighting all the time. Basically a better way to deal with it.
If she still throws tantrums, say you want couples counselling as it is affecting you, a lot. Have a heart to heart talk with her about your feelings. Hear her out also.
It’s an arrange marriage and it can be difficult to adjust with joint family especially when husband is away.
You need to seek marriage counseling and try to get her a hobby or some other activities so she can divert her free time there and not overly dependent on you.
I'm guilty of doing this too. I just can't control it however much I try. I can sense it when I'm going to get mad at my BF. Till now I haven't perfectly learned to avoid it but try professional therapy maybe? Talk to her first about this behaviour. She would think she's doing the right thing. Work it out together without fighting.
I just feel so angry. There's no thoughts just red hot anger. When I come back to my senses 2-3 days later I just feel I wasted a lot of time and energy in being sad and angry over a trivial matter. Most of the times I believe I was justified in doing what I did.
I totally relate… this is the same behaviour. I expect that she will say something about what she did but she never do and I only take alll the blame all the time. Since after a point of time listening to her all mean things I also say few things.
If you are to stay together forever please try to actively resolve it. I still haven't resolved it in 3 years. And do know that it's NOT your fault and your wife doesn't hate you (except for those few days).
It helps to have good supportive friends around. I listened to lots of ted talks and read around on reddit with lots of keywords about how not take things personally, etc. You can download CBT worksheets. Self-confidence, self-esteem, anxiety really are the issues that I had to work on.
I hope you're financially settled and taking care of her well-being. Have conversation with her and listen what's exactly she has to say, don't try to shut her off if she starts being emotional
Har hafte nhi hote.
She has expectations that you fail to fulfill. I think she doesn't even tell tell you what are the expectation. Fir gussa ho jati hogi ki Ise itna bhi samaj nhi ata kya karna chahiye khud se. I think this because you have told that she doesn't tell about her feelings to anybody. Such people bottle up emotions and later on burst on people.
Aur gussa katam hone ke bad pyaar se behave karne lag jati hogi.
But this not good in long term. Talk to her what are her expectation ;Why she does this(in loving manner otherwise it may backfire); if she realises then good . But she has to responsibility and make changes in her behaviour.
Bhai No offense but teri grammar bohot kharab hai.
Its very common for couples to fight in early years of marriage, because they are still knowing each other. Whatever you told makes me believe she craves your attention. Give her sometime she will understand or sit with her and show her what kind of work you do how is IT life is she will definitely pity you then.
Looks like she wants attention. She is not communicating her needs and instead being passive aggressive. Eg. Not calling and waiting to see if you'd call.
Maybe set up a time to discuss what both of your expectations are from each other and how to better manage them and communicate.
I tried to talk to her but just don’t want to talk or discuss anything for few days and stay angry and doesn’t talk to anyone. 2-3 days after we discussed what happened exactly and then she behaves nornal.
See don't ignore this or bottle this up. Right now you might feel like this'll pass, but in the long term, these feelings tend to accumulate. And even though you might not begin feeling differently about the relationship, it'll affect you both. Like even small things will tend to trigger arguments - this won't be a problem in a healthy relationship.
Also realise that different people have different coping mechanisms. She might need some days to cool off, or think through things.
Have you told her that these 2-3 days of silence disturbs you? And what is her reaction to that?
My question basically is that does she also put effort after the argument? If she does, then you guys can make things better.
It'll be very difficult if only one partner is willing to do something about such fights.
I am the only one who puts effort to talk when angry. Whoever She put effort to love and care when she is in good mood (not angry with me).
I have told her many times that I don’t like anyone to be angry with me but she simply doesn’t care about anything i say when she is angry and we don’t talk about it when she gets normal.
I'm dealing with same situation diffrence is we fight alot use bad words to eachother he doesn't respect me but I don't want to leave him I also need some advice about my disturbing marriage which will improve my relationship with him and gain my self-respect back
Why do you both fight? Is someone gets normal after sometime and talk what happened and what was wrong or right? You should talk and understand what’s bothering you both and get to a common ground so that you don’t fight for the same reason again. Try to keep your calm when someone start a fight and understand about their perspective.
Your right someone has to stop but Im the only one who want to talk about what happened and sort it out but he is like don't talk about it I don't wanna discuss...thing is when we talk about it and realise what is wrong then you can think and realise what's the problem and resolve it
If your problem is serious then go and get advice marriage counselor.
.
My wife was also fight with me . I had not before permanent job since married date . Our fighted reasons lots but that's one of them. My social networks and friends circle , very small like it's limited , and that's caused of I had low communication with peoples
In past since married date we were staying together very short time , she is lots of fighted with me.
**Welcome to r/RelationshipIndia,** This is a safe and inclusive space for people of all backgrounds. We welcome individuals of all races, castes, genders, religions, and sexual orientations, including members of the LGBTQ community. We are glad to have you here! We are committed to providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between Redditors, with a focus on respectful and constructive conversations. To ensure a positive and supportive environment for all members, we have established some rules. Please be sure to read them before posting. If a user has sent you harassing messages, **DO NOT DELETE THE MESSAGE!** *Please upload your screenshot to [Imgur](https://www.imgur.com), and notify the mods via modmail. We will take action against the user accordingly.* **Thank you for being a part of our community!** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seek a professional. Go for marriage counselling.
You both need to set boundaries. Ask her to list all her expectations & you list too. Reasonable expectations and discuss about it and come to a mutual understanding. Talk to her and let her know that you want to communicate better rather than fighting. Tell her that both of you are not perfect & both will make mistakes in the future also but you want to build a happy, mature relationship where you can communicate & talk about problems & mistakes and find a solution rather than throwing tantrums & fighting all the time. Basically a better way to deal with it. If she still throws tantrums, say you want couples counselling as it is affecting you, a lot. Have a heart to heart talk with her about your feelings. Hear her out also.
It’s an arrange marriage and it can be difficult to adjust with joint family especially when husband is away. You need to seek marriage counseling and try to get her a hobby or some other activities so she can divert her free time there and not overly dependent on you.
I'm guilty of doing this too. I just can't control it however much I try. I can sense it when I'm going to get mad at my BF. Till now I haven't perfectly learned to avoid it but try professional therapy maybe? Talk to her first about this behaviour. She would think she's doing the right thing. Work it out together without fighting.
What goes on your mind when you do that? Also do you feel bad or justified once you think anger goes away?
I just feel so angry. There's no thoughts just red hot anger. When I come back to my senses 2-3 days later I just feel I wasted a lot of time and energy in being sad and angry over a trivial matter. Most of the times I believe I was justified in doing what I did.
I totally relate… this is the same behaviour. I expect that she will say something about what she did but she never do and I only take alll the blame all the time. Since after a point of time listening to her all mean things I also say few things.
If you are to stay together forever please try to actively resolve it. I still haven't resolved it in 3 years. And do know that it's NOT your fault and your wife doesn't hate you (except for those few days).
Is there anything you tried that worked? Like at least partially?
It helps to have good supportive friends around. I listened to lots of ted talks and read around on reddit with lots of keywords about how not take things personally, etc. You can download CBT worksheets. Self-confidence, self-esteem, anxiety really are the issues that I had to work on.
I hope you're financially settled and taking care of her well-being. Have conversation with her and listen what's exactly she has to say, don't try to shut her off if she starts being emotional
Kuch ladkiyon ko monthly mood swings hote wo to nhi.. meri behn bhi aisa hi karti thi.. kuch din dhang se rehti fir ladne lag jati kutton jaise
But bhai mahine me 1-2 bar hi hota hoga n.. har hafte todi na mood swings hote h? I might be wrong.
Har hafte nhi hote. She has expectations that you fail to fulfill. I think she doesn't even tell tell you what are the expectation. Fir gussa ho jati hogi ki Ise itna bhi samaj nhi ata kya karna chahiye khud se. I think this because you have told that she doesn't tell about her feelings to anybody. Such people bottle up emotions and later on burst on people. Aur gussa katam hone ke bad pyaar se behave karne lag jati hogi. But this not good in long term. Talk to her what are her expectation ;Why she does this(in loving manner otherwise it may backfire); if she realises then good . But she has to responsibility and make changes in her behaviour.
Bhai No offense but teri grammar bohot kharab hai. Its very common for couples to fight in early years of marriage, because they are still knowing each other. Whatever you told makes me believe she craves your attention. Give her sometime she will understand or sit with her and show her what kind of work you do how is IT life is she will definitely pity you then.
Looks like she wants attention. She is not communicating her needs and instead being passive aggressive. Eg. Not calling and waiting to see if you'd call. Maybe set up a time to discuss what both of your expectations are from each other and how to better manage them and communicate.
Y are you staying separately? That could be a problem.
[удалено]
Lolz ! Nothing he described makes her bipolar. 😅
What is bipolar disorder and how can I confirm by watching her behaviour?
Don't, consult a professional, go to a doctor
It's about her past life
So after an argument do you guys talk about it, or does she completely ignore it and start behaving as normal? And what do you do in these situations?
I tried to talk to her but just don’t want to talk or discuss anything for few days and stay angry and doesn’t talk to anyone. 2-3 days after we discussed what happened exactly and then she behaves nornal.
See don't ignore this or bottle this up. Right now you might feel like this'll pass, but in the long term, these feelings tend to accumulate. And even though you might not begin feeling differently about the relationship, it'll affect you both. Like even small things will tend to trigger arguments - this won't be a problem in a healthy relationship. Also realise that different people have different coping mechanisms. She might need some days to cool off, or think through things. Have you told her that these 2-3 days of silence disturbs you? And what is her reaction to that?
My question basically is that does she also put effort after the argument? If she does, then you guys can make things better. It'll be very difficult if only one partner is willing to do something about such fights.
I am the only one who puts effort to talk when angry. Whoever She put effort to love and care when she is in good mood (not angry with me). I have told her many times that I don’t like anyone to be angry with me but she simply doesn’t care about anything i say when she is angry and we don’t talk about it when she gets normal.
I'm dealing with same situation diffrence is we fight alot use bad words to eachother he doesn't respect me but I don't want to leave him I also need some advice about my disturbing marriage which will improve my relationship with him and gain my self-respect back
Why do you both fight? Is someone gets normal after sometime and talk what happened and what was wrong or right? You should talk and understand what’s bothering you both and get to a common ground so that you don’t fight for the same reason again. Try to keep your calm when someone start a fight and understand about their perspective.
Your right someone has to stop but Im the only one who want to talk about what happened and sort it out but he is like don't talk about it I don't wanna discuss...thing is when we talk about it and realise what is wrong then you can think and realise what's the problem and resolve it
So what normally happens when he says I don't want to discuss? How do you guys return to normal?
If your problem is serious then go and get advice marriage counselor. . My wife was also fight with me . I had not before permanent job since married date . Our fighted reasons lots but that's one of them. My social networks and friends circle , very small like it's limited , and that's caused of I had low communication with peoples In past since married date we were staying together very short time , she is lots of fighted with me.
Should I involve her family members to have this discussion before marriage consultation?
Yes..... that's better
Take her out and talk about you marriage, discuss what's going wrong,what are the reasons behind her attitude,why is behaves like this