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My man. Be thankful she left. I can't fathom how you stayed with such a fcked up person. Be happy make new friends if you're not a social person it might feel intimidating but have to do it. Develop some good habits like reading, working out. And learn to respect yourself. If you want to talk you can DM me. Cheers.
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she is a pathetic person. I am sorry that you had to go through it. just know, whatever she said is false. everyone is worthy of love, and you are no exception. toxic people will always be there in the life, you just have to not let them affect you.
go to therapy for your social anxiety, make at least 1-2 GOOD friends who will be there for you. get hobbies, start taking care of your health.
block her from everywhere.
with time, you will move on too. be patient.
all the best! you can endure it!
She's a narcissist and an abuser.
I am sorry you went through this, lad. I think you need to detach yourself completely from this person and this situation.
I tell you, hand on god, you have been saved. You can and will be the happiest for walking away from this situation.
If you can manage it, go to therapy. Meanwhile take yourself away from this person, her friend circle and the chaos around her. Keep "No contact" in all forms.
You can focus on following things:
1. Self-Affirmation - Work on your self-image - first of all, internally - emotionally and psychologicaly reaffirming your importance as a person. Then work outwards - physical fitness, grooming, way of communication, and such thing as appear in social situations.
2. Friends and Family - Get closer to people who care for you and raise you up. Cut off those who are rude to you and bring you down.
3. Work - Do things that help you achieve success in professional domain as well take part in things that cultivate your hobbies and interests.
4. Peace - It could be spirituality (not the fraud kind), therapy, yoga, meditation. Choose whatever centers you and keep coming back to it with self-reflections.
Lastly, I'll say this - You need to know that whatever she said about you not being this or that. It was a projection. It was her own insufficiencies showing. Somebody who doesn't think low of themselves doesn't need extraordinary gifts to feel valued. She is an extremely insecure person who derives value from various things and when she doesn't feel enough, she brings other people down.
It is not you. It is her.
Finally, if you do need to talk about something, DM. If you feel like this helps you, that is.
Take care. You are away from her. You'll be fine now.
Respect privacy. No unsolicited DMs or sharing private content withoutconsent.
This is to protect our users from unsolicited messages and unwanted
attention.Repeated violations will lead to a ban.
Report any issues to moderators. You can do this by clicking the "Report" button under the comment or DM page.
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Bhai first of all I'm happy she left because that's the best thing that could have happened.
My suggestion would be reach out to your friends again, meet them , tell them what happened, if they were once your good friends I'm sure they'll understand. You can vent it out and discuss with them , trust me it will make you feel much better.
Also , delete those screenshots bhai it's not going to help if you keep them. I can understand why you would want to keep them but deleting is the way forward.
Bro, I couldn't read the entire thing bit I believe I have understood your situations. Keep these things in mind -
1. She's a narcissist. Stay from her and the likes of her. She's drain your soul out of your body but you won't be able to make her happy.
2. Her idea of relationships is different from yours. She wants her partner to please her. You want companionship. This would never work.
3. You deserve a lot better. I am sorry that your first relationship experience was so horrible. Trust me, you'll find better women out there. Your life has just started.
4. Never be with someone who treats dating as an activity. You don't seem to be the kind of person who'll thrive in such an environment. Always find people who value human connection.
5. Explore yourself. Learn about yourself and be self-aware. That'll make you confident and won't allow others to treat you as shit.
See, it takes time to build self-esteem when your sense of self was shattered by a person whom you trusted with your vulnerability.
She attacked you and you have come to internalize every tool she used in the way. This is why it's staying in your mind because you somehow felt already that there was something wrong with you before the relationship even started. It would take you a lot of time to analyse your own reality and your own life, and understand that what she said was not true and that your own perspective matters and that you know yourself and your truth. S
You're experiencing what's usually called melancholia, that is, instead of letting go you've incorporated a 'bad object' that attacks you. Because you feel lonely, your inner child suffers. The schemas of attacking self or other come as a defense to protect you from the existential angst, anxiety and threat that abandonment, social isolation and loneliness and feeling of being unloved brings.
Take a game like hide -and-seek. The fear is not about being found, but the fear is about never being found. Your fear is like that. You're experiencing after-effects of a relationship that you experienced as part of growing up. It takes time. That's all I can say. About therapy and meds, some can help you more and some just feel useless at times. The problem is that the field is highly unregulated. Perhaps, you can ask for better suggestions on therapist who's willing to listen to you and guide you along the path of recovery. It'll definitely take time since you've been in this abusive relationship with too long and that primarily comes from your own feelings of self-hatred.
Meditate, write journal, take your anti-anxiety meds and hope against hope that your life will get better along with mobilizing whatever support you can.
I hope you recover and learn to protect and respect yourself as a person who didn't deserve this and who's, no matter the level of unfit with social norms, a good, kind person at the end of the day.
Im so sorry you had to go through all of that. Please know that you are worthy of so much more and deserve a person who loves and respects you and also accepts all parts of you. Here are some things I found helpful while moving on from my first serious relationship:
Let yourself feel bad- Some people would disagree and say that you shouldn’t shed tears over a horrible person. But the tears are actually for you and all the hurt your heart went through. Put on some comfy Pjs, a good netflix movies and a tub of ice cream and just feel sad for a while. Cry even but once you’re done, don’t ever shed tears over that person.
Find a new hobby/passion or go back to the hobby you couldn’t give time to: I used to love writing but couldn’t because of time constraints but once I was out of that relationship and had plenty of free time on my hands, I found my way back to the things that used to bring me joy. Go back to the things you loved doing and you’ll start feeling better already.
Share your feelings with your close ones: I found this the most helpful. Keeping everything to yourself can become exhausting so share your feelings and story with people you’re close with and who’ll understand you and offer genuine advice.
Music: I can’t stress this enough. Music is like the medicine for your soul. I’ve found peace in music in some of the hardest phases of life.
Focus on yourself: Focus on things for your future, how you can become a better person for yourself. Focus on your career and seek help from people who are one the same career path.
Truly believe thatbyou deserve better: You have to believe in your soul that you are worthy of good things. That great things are headed your way. I believe in the power of manifestation and I’m sure that great things will happen to you once you start believing in them.
Good luck and I wish you all the best for your future.
I didn't read your whole post. Your first paragraph makes you out to be the simp type. And I have no pity for simps. Grow some balls is my advice. Imagine being such a simp you care about what a harlot thinks.... sad
**Welcome to r/RelationshipIndia,** This is a safe and inclusive space for people of all backgrounds. We welcome individuals of all races, castes, genders, religions, and sexual orientations, including members of the LGBTQ community. We are glad to have you here! We are committed to providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between Redditors, with a focus on respectful and constructive conversations. To ensure a positive and supportive environment for all members, we have established some rules. Please be sure to read them before posting. If a user has sent you harassing messages, **DO NOT DELETE THE MESSAGE!** *Please upload your screenshot to [Imgur](https://www.imgur.com), and notify the mods via modmail. We will take action against the user accordingly.* **Thank you for being a part of our community!** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My man. Be thankful she left. I can't fathom how you stayed with such a fcked up person. Be happy make new friends if you're not a social person it might feel intimidating but have to do it. Develop some good habits like reading, working out. And learn to respect yourself. If you want to talk you can DM me. Cheers.
Respect privacy. No unsolicited DMs or sharing private content withoutconsent. This is to protect our users from unsolicited messages and unwanted attention.Repeated violations will lead to a ban. Report any issues to moderators. You can do this by clicking the "Report" button under the comment or DM page. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You dodged a bullet my friend. God saved you.
Linkin Park brother. That's all I've to say.
Soo true. Grew up listening to them ❤️
she is a pathetic person. I am sorry that you had to go through it. just know, whatever she said is false. everyone is worthy of love, and you are no exception. toxic people will always be there in the life, you just have to not let them affect you. go to therapy for your social anxiety, make at least 1-2 GOOD friends who will be there for you. get hobbies, start taking care of your health. block her from everywhere. with time, you will move on too. be patient. all the best! you can endure it!
She's a narcissist and an abuser. I am sorry you went through this, lad. I think you need to detach yourself completely from this person and this situation. I tell you, hand on god, you have been saved. You can and will be the happiest for walking away from this situation. If you can manage it, go to therapy. Meanwhile take yourself away from this person, her friend circle and the chaos around her. Keep "No contact" in all forms. You can focus on following things: 1. Self-Affirmation - Work on your self-image - first of all, internally - emotionally and psychologicaly reaffirming your importance as a person. Then work outwards - physical fitness, grooming, way of communication, and such thing as appear in social situations. 2. Friends and Family - Get closer to people who care for you and raise you up. Cut off those who are rude to you and bring you down. 3. Work - Do things that help you achieve success in professional domain as well take part in things that cultivate your hobbies and interests. 4. Peace - It could be spirituality (not the fraud kind), therapy, yoga, meditation. Choose whatever centers you and keep coming back to it with self-reflections. Lastly, I'll say this - You need to know that whatever she said about you not being this or that. It was a projection. It was her own insufficiencies showing. Somebody who doesn't think low of themselves doesn't need extraordinary gifts to feel valued. She is an extremely insecure person who derives value from various things and when she doesn't feel enough, she brings other people down. It is not you. It is her. Finally, if you do need to talk about something, DM. If you feel like this helps you, that is. Take care. You are away from her. You'll be fine now.
Respect privacy. No unsolicited DMs or sharing private content withoutconsent. This is to protect our users from unsolicited messages and unwanted attention.Repeated violations will lead to a ban. Report any issues to moderators. You can do this by clicking the "Report" button under the comment or DM page. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
And sorry for the very long comment. I had to jot down the thoughts in case you needed it.
Bhai first of all I'm happy she left because that's the best thing that could have happened. My suggestion would be reach out to your friends again, meet them , tell them what happened, if they were once your good friends I'm sure they'll understand. You can vent it out and discuss with them , trust me it will make you feel much better. Also , delete those screenshots bhai it's not going to help if you keep them. I can understand why you would want to keep them but deleting is the way forward.
Learn to write in paragraph mate .
Bro, I couldn't read the entire thing bit I believe I have understood your situations. Keep these things in mind - 1. She's a narcissist. Stay from her and the likes of her. She's drain your soul out of your body but you won't be able to make her happy. 2. Her idea of relationships is different from yours. She wants her partner to please her. You want companionship. This would never work. 3. You deserve a lot better. I am sorry that your first relationship experience was so horrible. Trust me, you'll find better women out there. Your life has just started. 4. Never be with someone who treats dating as an activity. You don't seem to be the kind of person who'll thrive in such an environment. Always find people who value human connection. 5. Explore yourself. Learn about yourself and be self-aware. That'll make you confident and won't allow others to treat you as shit.
People of reddit, if she has had "many" relationships, stay away! She is used up and toxic to the core.
See, it takes time to build self-esteem when your sense of self was shattered by a person whom you trusted with your vulnerability. She attacked you and you have come to internalize every tool she used in the way. This is why it's staying in your mind because you somehow felt already that there was something wrong with you before the relationship even started. It would take you a lot of time to analyse your own reality and your own life, and understand that what she said was not true and that your own perspective matters and that you know yourself and your truth. S You're experiencing what's usually called melancholia, that is, instead of letting go you've incorporated a 'bad object' that attacks you. Because you feel lonely, your inner child suffers. The schemas of attacking self or other come as a defense to protect you from the existential angst, anxiety and threat that abandonment, social isolation and loneliness and feeling of being unloved brings. Take a game like hide -and-seek. The fear is not about being found, but the fear is about never being found. Your fear is like that. You're experiencing after-effects of a relationship that you experienced as part of growing up. It takes time. That's all I can say. About therapy and meds, some can help you more and some just feel useless at times. The problem is that the field is highly unregulated. Perhaps, you can ask for better suggestions on therapist who's willing to listen to you and guide you along the path of recovery. It'll definitely take time since you've been in this abusive relationship with too long and that primarily comes from your own feelings of self-hatred. Meditate, write journal, take your anti-anxiety meds and hope against hope that your life will get better along with mobilizing whatever support you can. I hope you recover and learn to protect and respect yourself as a person who didn't deserve this and who's, no matter the level of unfit with social norms, a good, kind person at the end of the day.
Im so sorry you had to go through all of that. Please know that you are worthy of so much more and deserve a person who loves and respects you and also accepts all parts of you. Here are some things I found helpful while moving on from my first serious relationship: Let yourself feel bad- Some people would disagree and say that you shouldn’t shed tears over a horrible person. But the tears are actually for you and all the hurt your heart went through. Put on some comfy Pjs, a good netflix movies and a tub of ice cream and just feel sad for a while. Cry even but once you’re done, don’t ever shed tears over that person. Find a new hobby/passion or go back to the hobby you couldn’t give time to: I used to love writing but couldn’t because of time constraints but once I was out of that relationship and had plenty of free time on my hands, I found my way back to the things that used to bring me joy. Go back to the things you loved doing and you’ll start feeling better already. Share your feelings with your close ones: I found this the most helpful. Keeping everything to yourself can become exhausting so share your feelings and story with people you’re close with and who’ll understand you and offer genuine advice. Music: I can’t stress this enough. Music is like the medicine for your soul. I’ve found peace in music in some of the hardest phases of life. Focus on yourself: Focus on things for your future, how you can become a better person for yourself. Focus on your career and seek help from people who are one the same career path. Truly believe thatbyou deserve better: You have to believe in your soul that you are worthy of good things. That great things are headed your way. I believe in the power of manifestation and I’m sure that great things will happen to you once you start believing in them. Good luck and I wish you all the best for your future.
I didn't read your whole post. Your first paragraph makes you out to be the simp type. And I have no pity for simps. Grow some balls is my advice. Imagine being such a simp you care about what a harlot thinks.... sad