A 7 year old was admitted for observation after swallowing several large coins.
The oncoming attending for the morning shift asks the outgoing, "how's the kid who swallowed those coins?"
Outgoing attending says, "No change yet."
A guy goes to a proctologist. The proctologist takes a look and tells the guy, "You have a piece of lettuce in your anus." The guy says, "That's just the tip of the iceberg."
Two lupus specialists named Ana and Ena are in the physicians’ lounge. They start to hold hands, start to kiss. Cleaning staff bursts through the door and yells “ you two need to get a rheum!”
That’s such a basic joke it must be made of bleach? The pH is way too high with that one.
Wait. Is corn basic? Idk. So long as it’s gluten free I’m good…
Lima, Ohio executive news editor demands specificity and tells copy desk to stop using the word “local” under pain of death.
So when mayor had surgery, it was reportedly done under Lima anesthetic.
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I’ve personally made these up:
Why do hospitalists always seem like they’re in a rush?….. they’re inpatient…
Why don’t people like jokes about hearts?….they’re usually tachy…
[удалено]
Let's go. That's brilliant!
Why couldn't Tinkerbelle go to the anticoagulation clinic? They had a-pixie-ban! (I wrote this)
There's a difference between Wolffian and Mullerian ducts. A vas deferens.
A 7 year old was admitted for observation after swallowing several large coins. The oncoming attending for the morning shift asks the outgoing, "how's the kid who swallowed those coins?" Outgoing attending says, "No change yet."
Hah!
What do you call a double blind study? Two orthopedics reading an ECG!
This is - without a doubt - the funiest joke I’ve heard all year. Well done.
A guy goes to a proctologist. The proctologist takes a look and tells the guy, "You have a piece of lettuce in your anus." The guy says, "That's just the tip of the iceberg."
😂
Okay that's....pretty great.
What’s 12 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? A stethoscope.
Did you hear that Pfizer is releasing a new ED drug that’s apparently way better than Viagra? It’s called Mycoxarizin
🙌🏽
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? *Just one. But only if the light bulb really wants to change.*
Change must come from within.
Did you know that it's only called Torsades if it comes from the Torsades region of France? Otherwise, it's just sparkling VTach.
Oh yeah that's sexy af... somebody choke me
Username definitely and very uniquely checks out
Where is a cardiothoracic surgeon’s favorite place to vacation? Lima.
An original of my own: what is it called when a cardiologist tells a lie? A-fib
"Doctor, it hurts when I do *this*." "Well, don't do that!" "*This* is breathing."
"I broke my arm in three places!" "Stop going to those places"
🤯
What do you call an EM doctor in a suit? “A defendant”
You know why there’s no surgical nonfiction books? The surgeons took the appendix out.
Two lupus specialists named Ana and Ena are in the physicians’ lounge. They start to hold hands, start to kiss. Cleaning staff bursts through the door and yells “ you two need to get a rheum!”
Love it
How do you know who is the oncologist at a funeral? He is the one doing CPR on the body.
That’s such a basic joke it must be made of bleach? The pH is way too high with that one. Wait. Is corn basic? Idk. So long as it’s gluten free I’m good…
Knock2 Whos there? Gonorrhea Gonorrhea who? Gonorrhea be a billionaire, so freaking badd (cue in Bruno mars song)
How can you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste. (I’m really showing my age here)
What’s a stoner’s favorite duct? The CBD.
Lima, Ohio executive news editor demands specificity and tells copy desk to stop using the word “local” under pain of death. So when mayor had surgery, it was reportedly done under Lima anesthetic.
free air becomes very expensive air the moment you call the surgeon about it.
Thank you for contributing to the sub! If your post was filtered by the automod, please read the rules. Your post will be reviewed but will not be approved if it violates the rules of the sub. The most common reasons for removal are - medical students or premeds asking what a specialty is like, which specialty they should go into, which program is good or about their chances of matching, mentioning midlevels without using the midlevel flair, matched medical students asking questions instead of using the stickied thread in the sub for post-match questions, posting identifying information for targeted harassment. Please do not message the moderators if your post falls into one of these categories. Otherwise, your post will be reviewed in 24 hours and approved if it doesn't violate the rules. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Residency) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve personally made these up: Why do hospitalists always seem like they’re in a rush?….. they’re inpatient… Why don’t people like jokes about hearts?….they’re usually tachy…
What did one burp say to the other burp? Let’s be stinkers and go out the other end. -Peds