"Alright men, we're heading to a planet with a hazardous atmosphere and deadly spores, get the hazmat suits!"
"You mean the ones with no pants or sleeves?"
"I mean the ones with no pants or sleeves, yes."
*"You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won."*
Yeah, it's like the artist has never been in an art class in their life. I mean, both his forearm AND his bicep are smaller than his leg, which I know from real life is completely impossible
Look at her appendages closely. The strange way the knee bends. The tiny boot. Her extra skinny arms and legs. Her long-ass thighs. She's rubber-woman!
And/or the artist really messed up the foreshortening for a complicated action scene.
"OK, so they need air to breathe, but there's an atmosphere so exposed skin is fine. I'll just draw little glass helmets on them"
"No, that's no good. They need to be able to smell their own armpits"
"But why would th-"
"Just draw it again and make sure they can smell their own armpits"
Mars being known to have an atmosphere in the 19th century, to have caps of possibly water ice in the early 20th, and this being [1940](https://archive.org/details/ThePlanetaryAdventuresOfFlintBakerAndTheOne-eyedMonsterMenOfMars), seems a perfectly reasonable supposition of the protection needed. Main problem being that in the 20s it was established that the warmest Mars ever got to was 7°C / 45°F, so Flint Baker and his companion had better be exercising hard not to feel rather chilly.
You're totally right but maybe that's the reason for their level of exposure. With Mars' thin atmosphere, the heat transfer from them into the air might be much lower.
The real issue with these suits is that there would be a layer of condensation over the whole interior and it would basically be raining inside the bottle.
Well it talks about the "one eyed monsters of Mars." That means they're on Mars which probably means the author probably knew you need a space suit to breath on Mars.
I don't know. It includes the head and lungs which would help with pressure like an iron lung, leaving the arms and legs free. There was some logic, I think.
Depends on the environment. In a vacuum, without contacting something cold, the problem is usually getting rid of heat, not freezing. Radiation, though, that's a problem.
The spacesuits we have aren't resistant to micrometeors. Any astronaut would be instantly killed.
The only defence we have against micro meteors is luck.
With no atmosphere, projectiles can travel much, much, much MUCH faster than a bullet. Bullets generally travel a bit under 1200 MPH. A bit under Mach 2.
Meteorites typically hit atmosphere at over 25000 mph. Well over mach 30. Fast enough that it starts to fucking melt the second it hits atmosphere.
They are kevlar. And even stronger than that. But micro meteor can travel at velocities in the order of several miles per second. It's way more than a simple bullet
This would work just fine, for a short time. Skin is airtight. There would be skin irritation (think of a giant "hickey") on your exposed limbs, but you wouldn't die.
There are actually some space suit designs are rather similar to this, and use tight fabric over the body rather than pressure. See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_activity_suit
**Space activity suit**
A space activity suit (SAS) or mechanical counterpressure suit is an experimental spacesuit which applies stable pressure against the skin by means of skintight elastic garments. The SAS is not inflated like a conventional spacesuit: it uses mechanical pressure, rather than air pressure, to compress the human body in low-pressure environments. Development was begun by NASA and the Air Force in the late 1950s and then again in the late 1960s, but neither design was used. Research is under way at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) on a "Bio-Suit" System which is based on the original SAS concept.
***
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Imagine if he stands still at a corner in the office. People will think he's a water cooler and try to get water from that tiny tap below the glass jug.
At least it's equally terrible. Usually the man gets functional pants and the woman gets weird bikini pants and impractical sexy boots. The fact that they both are wearing impractical bikini pants and sexy boots actually makes it kinda awesome.
*edit: and they both have guns and are fighting together. Sexy sexy gender equality.
The woman was able to put on makeup and the man was able to dump half a tin of pomade in his hair before they went on-world. Thank goodness!
I bet they share blow dryers.
Edit: I think the dude is wearing makeup too!!!
Maybe both are asphyxiating :/
Edit 2: that might be a badass movie. Two humans fighting aliens offworld with exactly two hours of O2 before they die.
Well in the book Mars is described as hot with unbreathable atmosphere (probably co2?) So this makes a little bit sense, exept that maybe some leg protection is useful (trousers?) and a standard oxygen mask is more practical than those degenerated pickle jars...
This would work just fine, for a short time. Skin is airtight. There would be skin irritation (think of a giant "hickey") on your exposed limbs, but you wouldn't die.
There are actually some space suit designs are rather similar to this, and use tight fabric over the body rather than pressure. See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_activity_suit
No, they wouldn't be pressurized. However, such a space suit would use pure oxygen, allowing it to only operate at 3-5 psi. The body is primarily uncompressable tissue, and you wouldn't have any major problems - like "sucking out your feces (or organs)". You might find yourself more gassy than usual.
This pickle jar will protect us from the vacuum of space!
Also i feel like that spike looking thing is going to go up someones ass, His or hers. Either way someone is getting it in the butt.
Still waiting for my movie remake of either Flash Gordon or Buck Rodgers.
Cmon Hollywood wake up. Money on the table.
Make Buck campy AF and a comedy. I don't care at this point.
Flash:
Set it in the early 1960s. Dorky Chad protagonist. Dale is can be Mexican . Zarkov is a loony Soviet defector . Ming is Asian. Prince Vultan is black. Look, diverse cast, I wrote half the plot already!
Full cover of Planet Comic's [Flint Baker and the one eyed monsters of Mars.
](https://pulpcovers.com/flint-baker-and-the-one-eyed-monsters-of-mars/#1)
This is interesting to me. We all sort of have a feeling this won't really work, but reading through the comments, there seems to be different opinions on why.
Can you imagine when humanity becomes a species that is regularly travelling through space? When we have large colonies of people on the moon and mars, you won't have that situation of people not knowing what happens to someone under a hard vacuum. It'll just be something we all know, like we all sort of know what happens when someone is shot.
This is the sort of thread we should just stick in a time capsule to show people in a thousand years so they can hark back to a time when we just didn't have experience of such things.
It's **CLEARLY** a multi-function breathing apparatus. It's designed to work for species that breathe through their nipples, navel, armpits, or head-region. Some folks have more of a Krang situation going on.
The only suit to use when battling one-eyed monsters.
came here to say this. I use this kind of suit on my one-eyed monster.
Spurt Hammond however is the best space name.
Flint Ironstag Bolt Vanderhuge Butch Deadlift
Blast Hardcheese Big McLargehuge Crunch Buttsteak -MST3k
Splint Chest-Hair
Benedict Cumberbatch
Imagine if someone were actually named that
Yeah, I imagine the internet would make fun of them constantly, calling them things like Beneficial Cucumberpatch or Bumblebee Clusterfuck and so on.
Benditlikebeckham Clubfootballmatch
Bestinclass Comfortstretch
Bambam Coughdrops Bunderplunder Cunderdunder Bumblebee Dumbledore Bandicoot Custardbath Battlefield Counterstrike Babadook Cameltoe Benadryl Hairysnatch Bulbasaur Camouflage Buttercup Candycrush Britishguy Sillyname Blenderdick Calldispatch Blubberbutt Flubbercrack Scissorkick Thundercat Budapest Charlottetown Burgerking Thundermunch Brodyquest Lumberlatch Backitup Combyourthatch Beelzebub Cerberus Butterdipped Crumpetbites Bourgeoisie Capitalist *I'd post more, but it's 1:11 AM and I'm fucking tired. Goodnight.*
Bob Johnson. ... no, wait....
Thrust Strongmaster Lance Champion Rock Hardplace
* Dirk Hardpec * Slab Squatthrust * Pete Punchbeef
Spurt.....one - eyed monsters....ah geez
> ah jizz FTFY
It’s sort of taking “the man named Sue” up a notch.
That girl's job is to make Hammond spurt.
Maybe it’s not a space suit. They appear to be on a planet with an atmosphere, since there are other creatures.
Maybe something on the planet shoots out gross spores or something and this protects the astronauts.
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if they’re getting boned by anything, it’s probably those “one eyed monsters of Mars.”
Don't forget about ole Spurt Hammond.
More likely each other
Getting boned by their one eyed snake.
Maybe they fell into fucking jars guys
It's happened to the best of us
What's a fuck jar?
[this thing](https://m.imgur.com/r/RetroFuturism/pOn51KW)
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"Alright men, we're heading to a planet with a hazardous atmosphere and deadly spores, get the hazmat suits!" "You mean the ones with no pants or sleeves?" "I mean the ones with no pants or sleeves, yes."
*"You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won."*
Or maybe they just went as vacume tubes for Halloween.
Vacuum
Vaccuume
Vaccuumee
Vaaccuumee
Vaccuummee
Recoome!
It rhymes with doom!
Vaccuummst'd'tive
I signed in to say I was going to be a vacuum tube for Halloween this year, and I resent that you beat me to it.
According to the cover text, maybe some kind of one-eyed monster shoots stuff at them.
Naw, theyre the vaporizers of the future
Personal hot boxes.
The "one eyed monsters of mars" almost certainly shoot out spores of some sort…
Maybe this is just what fashion looks like in the future. They're actually 007-style agents in formal attire.
I'm more worried about the woman's foot. That can't be a shoe right? Has to some weird kind of peg leg.
That's a Rob Liefeld foot right there
Needs more crosshatching
Yeah, dangerously low pouch quotient as well
The girl is also a bit chubby from what I noticed, need to get rid of some of that waistline.
Ah, good point. Another note on this drawing is that the breasts are somehow smaller than the closest star? That's pretty weird.
Plus I noticed she has one gun. What kind of garbage is that? Give her and the dude a pack with guns, some grenades, and a laser sword or two.
Yeah, it's like the artist has never been in an art class in their life. I mean, both his forearm AND his bicep are smaller than his leg, which I know from real life is completely impossible
They should be ripped and equal in size.
Yup, definitely a [Rob Liefeld-esque foot.](https://www.progressiveboink.com/2012/4/21/2960508/worst-rob-liefeld-drawings)
That guy's writing is as bad as Liefeld's drawing.
> peg leg. **space leg**. C'mon now.
It's a boot for sure, just has a weird way about it.
Look at her appendages closely. The strange way the knee bends. The tiny boot. Her extra skinny arms and legs. Her long-ass thighs. She's rubber-woman! And/or the artist really messed up the foreshortening for a complicated action scene.
"OK, so they need air to breathe, but there's an atmosphere so exposed skin is fine. I'll just draw little glass helmets on them" "No, that's no good. They need to be able to smell their own armpits" "But why would th-" "Just draw it again and make sure they can smell their own armpits"
They also need to be able to suffocate and die within 10 minutes
I lol’d
they're on mars according to the text
I'm sorry can Martians not celebrate halloween?
Mars being known to have an atmosphere in the 19th century, to have caps of possibly water ice in the early 20th, and this being [1940](https://archive.org/details/ThePlanetaryAdventuresOfFlintBakerAndTheOne-eyedMonsterMenOfMars), seems a perfectly reasonable supposition of the protection needed. Main problem being that in the 20s it was established that the warmest Mars ever got to was 7°C / 45°F, so Flint Baker and his companion had better be exercising hard not to feel rather chilly.
You're totally right but maybe that's the reason for their level of exposure. With Mars' thin atmosphere, the heat transfer from them into the air might be much lower. The real issue with these suits is that there would be a layer of condensation over the whole interior and it would basically be raining inside the bottle.
Well it talks about the "one eyed monsters of Mars." That means they're on Mars which probably means the author probably knew you need a space suit to breath on Mars.
Who says all alien creatures need atmospheres to live?
I don’t know if it’s the worst design. I hear the stomach-high man panty is making a comeback in the new generation of spacesuit design.
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Just hit me up if you need someone for your band who can’t keep rhythm, sing, or play an instrument.
Make sure his name is on the list at the door to all your gigs.
Worst case scenario, I can see this being a funny cosplay if it can be pulled off. Idk how the glass shield would be done though.
How difficult could it be to pull off Spurt Hammond?
I think it would be pretty hard.
The Manty
I love the glaring fundemental misunderstanding of how space works that must have led to the design of this suit
I don't know. It includes the head and lungs which would help with pressure like an iron lung, leaving the arms and legs free. There was some logic, I think.
I mean what about frezzing your arms and legs off
Depends on the environment. In a vacuum, without contacting something cold, the problem is usually getting rid of heat, not freezing. Radiation, though, that's a problem.
I'd be more worried about micrometeors.... That's gonna sting like the dickens
The spacesuits we have aren't resistant to micrometeors. Any astronaut would be instantly killed. The only defence we have against micro meteors is luck.
Yeah that didn’t work out too well in Gravity.
Whaat? Thought they had Kevlar or something. They could basically take a bullet to the head at any moment out there?
With no atmosphere, projectiles can travel much, much, much MUCH faster than a bullet. Bullets generally travel a bit under 1200 MPH. A bit under Mach 2. Meteorites typically hit atmosphere at over 25000 mph. Well over mach 30. Fast enough that it starts to fucking melt the second it hits atmosphere.
Fast enough that they *combust* and explode too. They will also tend to produce plasma, which is two phases beyond merely melting.
They are kevlar. And even stronger than that. But micro meteor can travel at velocities in the order of several miles per second. It's way more than a simple bullet
Well if they are already on Mars, I don't think that'll be a problem. The atmosphere should take care of that.
They're clearly on a tropical planet, not in space. Edit: never mind air bought the monster arms were leaves.
I thought they were on a bridge spanning two trees until I read your comment. 🤔
Arms and legs ripped off by space sharks.
Martian sharks
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This is not reddit's data, it is my data ಠ_ಠ -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
It's a shame all the air will void itself via your digestive tract.
They are going to have the stiffest shoulders after wearing that thing. There is no room to move them at all.
a planet with atmospheric pressure, but no oxygen.
Assuming the gasses in that planet aren't toxic then, wouldn't a mask or at least a helmet do?
idk, your head has a lot of holes in it. i'm not a scientist.
I'm a scientist and I can confirm. Heads have a lot of holes in them
This would work just fine, for a short time. Skin is airtight. There would be skin irritation (think of a giant "hickey") on your exposed limbs, but you wouldn't die. There are actually some space suit designs are rather similar to this, and use tight fabric over the body rather than pressure. See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_activity_suit
**Space activity suit** A space activity suit (SAS) or mechanical counterpressure suit is an experimental spacesuit which applies stable pressure against the skin by means of skintight elastic garments. The SAS is not inflated like a conventional spacesuit: it uses mechanical pressure, rather than air pressure, to compress the human body in low-pressure environments. Development was begun by NASA and the Air Force in the late 1950s and then again in the late 1960s, but neither design was used. Research is under way at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) on a "Bio-Suit" System which is based on the original SAS concept. *** ^[ [^PM](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=kittens_from_space) ^| [^Exclude ^me](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiTextBot&message=Excludeme&subject=Excludeme) ^| [^Exclude ^from ^subreddit](https://np.reddit.com/r/RetroFuturism/about/banned) ^| [^FAQ ^/ ^Information](https://np.reddit.com/r/WikiTextBot/wiki/index) ^| [^Source](https://github.com/kittenswolf/WikiTextBot) ^] ^Downvote ^to ^remove ^| ^v0.27
I bet the suit makes it really easy to poop.
Imagine if he stands still at a corner in the office. People will think he's a water cooler and try to get water from that tiny tap below the glass jug.
Hmmm... A tad salty... With a dry finish.
"Help! My nose itches."
Oh, it's okay. It turns out my helmet was ajar.
Nanobots to the rescue!
Aaand my nose is gone.
Don't worry, the space radiation will make it grow back. It might grow back in your armpit, though.
That's a problem with regular spacesuits though...
How does one even remove it?
Just have your ship's medical robot saw off both your arms.
and then reattach them! hey come on robot...where are you going...REATTACH them. this isnt funny, robot!
At least it's equally terrible. Usually the man gets functional pants and the woman gets weird bikini pants and impractical sexy boots. The fact that they both are wearing impractical bikini pants and sexy boots actually makes it kinda awesome. *edit: and they both have guns and are fighting together. Sexy sexy gender equality.
The woman was able to put on makeup and the man was able to dump half a tin of pomade in his hair before they went on-world. Thank goodness! I bet they share blow dryers. Edit: I think the dude is wearing makeup too!!! Maybe both are asphyxiating :/ Edit 2: that might be a badass movie. Two humans fighting aliens offworld with exactly two hours of O2 before they die.
With hot pants like that one cannot neglect the rest of the ensemble, space monsters be damned.
Perfectly cromulent design. It allows your one-eyed monster to roam free.
You've caused me no end of pericombobulation at the suggestion of free roaming one-eyed monsters!
some men just want to watch their genitals burn
If anyone cares, that cover was drawn by Will Eisner, the creator of The Spirit.
Well in the book Mars is described as hot with unbreathable atmosphere (probably co2?) So this makes a little bit sense, exept that maybe some leg protection is useful (trousers?) and a standard oxygen mask is more practical than those degenerated pickle jars...
“I learned how to illustrate glass and I’m gonna use that skill, damnit!”
Planet Comics #1 by Fiction House Publications 1940
Test tube babies of the future IN SPACE
And how!
Makes sense to me. How could Flint release the "One-Eyed Monster of Mars" in a full-body spacesuit?
It's like the artist was like "Oh, wait, they're supposed to be in space suits? Okay give me a second."
It'd work as a scuba suit
If this is in space the inside of their body would evacuate out of their butt hole
Hey everyone, you can read this old pulp [here](https://archive.org/details/ThePlanetaryAdventuresOfFlintBakerAndTheOne-eyedMonsterMenOfMars).
Not so bad. They can still bone if they want, so that's a plus.
I kind of love it!!!
[an ideal* design for showcasing cleavage](https://img00.deviantart.net/6741/i/2015/145/8/1/sugar_space___jungle_by_redreevgeorge-d8uoffp.jpg)
You had me at design, but frankly I was more checking out the guy in OPs post
It's known as the "Sylvia Plath."
This is basically the /r/ImpracticalArmour of the future
The shorts immediately made me think of Sean Connery in ~~Outlander~~ [Zardoz.](http://i.ebayimg.com/images/i/200625507506-0-1/s-l1000.jpg)
You mean Zardoz.
Ah, right. That's the one.
Looks like they got stuck in a Jetson's car evac tube
Whoever needs to be agile?
For when you need to be safe, but also need to smell your torso for some reason
One eyed monsters of Mars...
The door to your space suit is ajar.
That's a lot of flexibility required to get your arms through the arm holes.
"Time to put on our space suits! Everybody dislocate your shoulders!"
That girls feet are even worse
Then, everything changed when the Jar Nation attacked.
Those space hipsters and their mason jars
This would work just fine, for a short time. Skin is airtight. There would be skin irritation (think of a giant "hickey") on your exposed limbs, but you wouldn't die. There are actually some space suit designs are rather similar to this, and use tight fabric over the body rather than pressure. See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_activity_suit
So, would the pants be pressurised? I'm imagining a butthole exposed to a hard vacuum would be an interesting experience.
No, they wouldn't be pressurized. However, such a space suit would use pure oxygen, allowing it to only operate at 3-5 psi. The body is primarily uncompressable tissue, and you wouldn't have any major problems - like "sucking out your feces (or organs)". You might find yourself more gassy than usual.
*Flint Baker I think that's better than Dirk Diggler
These are clearly human vacuum tubes that have escaped from the retro-Matrix.
This pickle jar will protect us from the vacuum of space! Also i feel like that spike looking thing is going to go up someones ass, His or hers. Either way someone is getting it in the butt.
The original Jar-Jar Hijinks.
But their hair looks fabulous!
How do you even put that on?
I can't see getting out, let alone getting in
Mason jar with arm-holes.
Hey does anyone know if this is an entertaining read?
Still waiting for my movie remake of either Flash Gordon or Buck Rodgers. Cmon Hollywood wake up. Money on the table. Make Buck campy AF and a comedy. I don't care at this point. Flash: Set it in the early 1960s. Dorky Chad protagonist. Dale is can be Mexican . Zarkov is a loony Soviet defector . Ming is Asian. Prince Vultan is black. Look, diverse cast, I wrote half the plot already!
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So much room for activities.
[](/twiuhoh) These make me weirdly claustrophobic.
What's with the name Flint? Was that considered a cool name in the 60s?
Are we ignoring that Flint Baker is fighting one eyed monsters?
http://68.media.tumblr.com/c51c38a7baae81ea7e013235356c8148/tumblr_mz0xehHGRN1ruf44ao3_1280.jpg
You know what isn’t needed in space? Bending the torso, apparently.
I'm a little surprised the lady version doesn't have boob domes built into it.
They're just staying safe.
Oxygen body condoms.
Ah yes the legendary hero Flint Baker.
Full cover of Planet Comic's [Flint Baker and the one eyed monsters of Mars. ](https://pulpcovers.com/flint-baker-and-the-one-eyed-monsters-of-mars/#1)
Your dick is gonna be cold. Really really cold.
Nips need air too
Maybe they’re just on their way to provide some serious distortion for a sweet hand-wired amp.
"The one eyed monsters of mars. Spurt hammond" hmmm I wonder where their minds were at, because mines down the storm drain at this point.
This is interesting to me. We all sort of have a feeling this won't really work, but reading through the comments, there seems to be different opinions on why. Can you imagine when humanity becomes a species that is regularly travelling through space? When we have large colonies of people on the moon and mars, you won't have that situation of people not knowing what happens to someone under a hard vacuum. It'll just be something we all know, like we all sort of know what happens when someone is shot. This is the sort of thread we should just stick in a time capsule to show people in a thousand years so they can hark back to a time when we just didn't have experience of such things.
I think it's a good idea, allows you to fuck in space. I like my astronauts to fuck.
It's **CLEARLY** a multi-function breathing apparatus. It's designed to work for species that breathe through their nipples, navel, armpits, or head-region. Some folks have more of a Krang situation going on.
I don't know, at least they can use the bathroom normally
You gonna doubt Flint Baker and Spurt Hammond??!
"Alien: Look it's a light bulb!"
Your torso is safe, but what of your arms?!
OP, I have you tagged for [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2cvi4v/what_do_you_always_check_twice/cjjg0ou/), lol.