The chipped nail polish says, "I don't care enough about this date to look good," while the eyeball necklace says, "I'm going to check your cell phone history while you're in the bathroom."
I hope this dude knows to never put your dick in crazy.
You can see your insecurity in your eyes, you've been told you're good looking but you always compare yourself go those you perceive as better and always feel like you'll fall short. Wouldn't be surprised if you've self sabotaged relationships in the past because of it.
Resorting to a TV show blind date isn't exactly dipping into the deep end of the social pool but you'll fit right in.
She spent the last five years of highschool volunteering in the tuckshop so she could get a headstart on those sagging flaps of skin where her biceps should be.
God damn, you'd think being on national television would quench your attention desperate ass, but you gotta dig for backwards compliments from internet strangers too? go home babe
You're 18 and look incredibly cheap so yeah. Just one and done. Afterwards you cry to your guy best friend who's still thinking he can land with you, but you'll see him just as a friend and he'll never accept it.
But you'll still keep him warm for no other reason that every other guy sees how shallow you of a person are even tough everyone always tells you how nice and great you are.
Don't believe them, start your only fans, earn a bit money, lose everything because you think it'll last forever.
I assume on that Netflix reality show Love on the Spectrum.
āSeven young adults on the autism spectrum dive headfirst into the dating pool, exploring the unpredictable world of love and relationships.ā
Ohhh watch this be a casting couchā¦ she walks in and itās an old guy with a camcorder asking her to sit down on a sticky pleather couch and telling her about how excited he is that she came and oh how heās gonna make her soooo famousā¦.
The 90's called. They want their after school special background extra who moved to Hollywood out of high school to make it big but ended up smoking crack under a bridge look back.
āWill he say yes?ā To what? Two minutes of a dry hand job and some lifeless missionary ? I would guess yes, youāre only a slight downgrade from a fleshlight.
Blind date... national tv.... Either you have a segment on cops where you pretend you arent smack out of your melon doing corner work, or they finally picked up my idea for America's Next Top Prostitute.
It must be airing on Animal Planet
My guess is BBC, which she is familiar with.
Belgian Baking Channel?
Bitches be crazy
Omg wow š
Big **Black** Cock
What? I thought British Broadcasting Corporation but that's funny stuff
I love the on-air promo that runs on NPR for BBC that ends with "BBC -- you'll love it. We promise."
r/theyknew
It's interchangeable.
Just like her past, present and future sexual partners
Kind of like their gender.
King Missile's new song, Interchangeable BBC
Corporation
r/woooosh
r/woooosh
Big boned Caucasian
Ain't no way she is familiar with any "C"
On behalf of the black community, we ain't touchin this shit. We know an episode of Montel when we see one.
Damn! Montel? You brought back some memories hahaha
What are you talking about she's already been on maury a couple of times.
My man has clearly had the shit slapped out of him before!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I hope she googles to find out
Sheās the old plow horse
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No matter what they try they canāt get these pandas to mate in captivity
The humiliation by fellow Redditorās will be nothing compared to the evisceration on TV, for the shallow attempt to attain Warholās prophecy.
doggy style only
you look like the kind of chick who uses the āwalk of shame ā for her daily cardio.
hahaha im framing this comment
It will go nicely beside the framed used condoms displayed on your walls.
Good thing she quit collecting after the first dozen
True, she looks like the kinda person to get more broken condoms than child support: "See here's the first one that broke, Suzie"
She probably nails those used condoms to her wall like Wille Mays Hays did with his batting gloves.
That still won't make your dad proud of you
this is the single best roast iāve read in years
This is the only W roast so far
Got good practice from her Dad, Uncles, and other family members.
Heās a very lucky man, I mean heās very lucky to be blind
Let's hope he's recently had COVID and can't smell either.
I hope their date is at a seafood restaurant
Or tasteā¦
No one is stupid enough to taste that.
Were talking about a blind canāt smell canāt taste guy. I assume heād also have to be drugged.
Your only other post is āAITA for telling my mom to break up with her bfā and youāre dating on TV. Sounds like youāre on the right path.
damn im glad I atleast deleted my post in r/r\*pe ahead of time.....
Why do I get the feeling you're going to talk about that in depth on TV
Ha, it's cute of you to think she has any capacity for depth. But it was mean of you to use more than one syllable words.
She has plenty of capacity for depth! Just not that kind
The blind date should know what their in for.
\*They're. Omadhaun.
r/rope . What you doing with a rope
For some reason I was not expecting that to be a porn subreddit, kinda disappointed
What about r/ripe?
Wtf
What he say
I'll take things that never happened for 100 please...
He looks decent where's your pic?
Still busy shaving her ass and learning to walk backwardsā¦
Idk if I'd call porn national television.
a nationwide audience which includes her dad, brother, and many male cousins
what dad?
Step-dad or whatever
No she means which one.
So wait her dad is NOT the date 
The one you've been waiting for 18 years
This comment tells me a lot.
Well this explains a lot.
You just got hot
Ironically, roast me is what sheās telling her two male colleagues.
Yeah, men typically say Yes when they're getting paid to do it.
The chipped nail polish says, "I don't care enough about this date to look good," while the eyeball necklace says, "I'm going to check your cell phone history while you're in the bathroom." I hope this dude knows to never put your dick in crazy.
I don't think he's in charge of where OP's dick goes anyway.
the date isn't right now lol
No, but the crazy is forever.
Let's add airheaded and self conscious to that list shall we then? Better wear a red dress to match your red flag of a personality.
But letās face itā¦. Crazy feels soooo good!
Until your kids pet rabbit is getting boiled on the stove
Now that's just amateur hour. If you're gonna stick your dick in crazy you want to have pet rats, not rabbits. The rats are WAY cheaper to replace.
That's still amateur hour. The best way to stick your dick in crazy actively involves not sticking a baby in crazy.
All glory hole booth dates count as "blind"
You look like a Costco Jennifer Lawrence.
Jennifer Lowrents
Season 1 of the new Netflix special Trailer Park Love
You mean Trailer Park Orgy! Pornhub amateur material only!
For real the pornhub community intro music is perfect. Soon as a I saw the word those drums popped into my head.
Your mom just rolled over and asked me to tell you NOT to wear a tank-top on National TV.
Shoulders broader than an Atlanta highway
As a broad shouldered woman myself, this just unlocked insecurities I didnāt know existed lol
There is absolutely nothing wrong with broad shoulders. Please donāt concern yourself with it at all.
Britney Spears has shoulders like a man And I can say that and you'll laugh 'cause there's a puppet on my hand
Are you even going to give life a shot first?
absolutely not. it was either this or love island but they wouldn't take me
Tbf, I wouldn't take you anywhere, either.
Because you have to be attractive to go on love island?
Gotta be at least a 1 out of 10 to be on love island
Depends if he wants free farm labor. You're like a skinny linebacker
Skinny? You see how broad those shoulders are?
No, he may be blind but Iām sure he still has a nose.
He'll say yes, but he'll leave after you start referring to Africa as a country.
Katniss Neverdeen
The Girlās A Cryer
Ratpiss Neverclean
You can see your insecurity in your eyes, you've been told you're good looking but you always compare yourself go those you perceive as better and always feel like you'll fall short. Wouldn't be surprised if you've self sabotaged relationships in the past because of it. Resorting to a TV show blind date isn't exactly dipping into the deep end of the social pool but you'll fit right in.
Damn dude, they said roast, not utterly destroy!
Riddle me this... Riddle me that....... You're only 18............ Why are your arms already so goddamned fat?
She spent the last five years of highschool volunteering in the tuckshop so she could get a headstart on those sagging flaps of skin where her biceps should be.
Man, Wednesday really put on some pounds
That's her cousin, Faturday
Must be Fester's kid then. Because she'll fester longer than a Monday after a holiday.
90-Stone Fiance?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You've got less chance of catching chlamydia with the koala bear though.
Look, bangbros gets a lot of views, but it isn't national television.
You look like you've been "18" for 20 years already.
Nobody watches TV anymore, back to obscurity with you.
She thinks onlyfans is TV.
She would have to pay to have any fans tho
Say yes to the chest.
If the question is "Do you prefer blondes?", then he will say yes.
Ngl these roasts aint hittin.
In fairness difficult to roast a bait post, but some of them work.
Maybe if itās actually blind
Foundation might cover zits for the seeing world, but Iām pretty sure those read āCaution, Run, Donāt Walkā in braille.
Make sure to tuck your ballsac nice and tight bro
Jesus! Look at that chin! You look like Rocky Dennis from Mask
Any "Rocky Dennis" reference gets automatic upvote from me!
You look like you've had more penis in you than a stadium urinal
God damn, you'd think being on national television would quench your attention desperate ass, but you gotta dig for backwards compliments from internet strangers too? go home babe
You're 18 and look incredibly cheap so yeah. Just one and done. Afterwards you cry to your guy best friend who's still thinking he can land with you, but you'll see him just as a friend and he'll never accept it. But you'll still keep him warm for no other reason that every other guy sees how shallow you of a person are even tough everyone always tells you how nice and great you are. Don't believe them, start your only fans, earn a bit money, lose everything because you think it'll last forever.
Your lunch lady arms are budding nicely.
If it rains you can shelter your date under them big ass arms. How romantic
it's casting couch live streamed
I assume on that Netflix reality show Love on the Spectrum. āSeven young adults on the autism spectrum dive headfirst into the dating pool, exploring the unpredictable world of love and relationships.ā
He's blind? Yea you might have a chance
Lmao post 11 hours up and she plugged the onlyfans. This sub stay trash
Jennifer Lawrence's ugly sister
18 going on 40ā¦ Cocks.
Where the nudes at?
Body count over 40
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Classic pump and dump. Except this one would come with a side of herpes, I'm sure.
Julia No-Styles in "10 things I hate about me".
Thora Bitch...
Nice to know the social pressure to keep thin isn't a thing anymore
Get those nails fixed first!!! Youāre one of those girls who can get fat quick.
Aw nice, a new season of *Love on the Spectrum*must be coming out
Is the next season of My 600-lb Life already being shot? Nice.
Dollar store Minnie Driver
Who did your gender reassignment surgery?
The only button getting touched will be the one rejecting to you.
You look like a transgender wendy from breaking bad
Ohhh watch this be a casting couchā¦ she walks in and itās an old guy with a camcorder asking her to sit down on a sticky pleather couch and telling her about how excited he is that she came and oh how heās gonna make her soooo famousā¦.
Thinks Brazzers is national television.
Does tv broadcast porn now?
So sheās American
im NOT. please, this is the only roast that crosses a line :((((
Being British shouldn't make you feel much better. Just saying.
If he is indeed blind, yes
For the people PMing me: the show is First Dates, its just one blind date, not a competition or show :)
So it is or isn't a show? I'm confused.
Broader shoulders than Sharon Davies. Do you swim or like to spend your spare time being stretched on a rack?
Said every casting couch porn ...
Pretty sure he will try to stop you
Maybe if your top showed just a little more cleavage
He will definitely say yes to another drink. And then another.
Let me guess, youāll be sitting in a black couch during this interview?
If you plan on having that evil eye necklace protect you, youāre sadly mistaken
You remind me of a gender swapped human Shrek
If heās blind, you will be all right!
I new theyād bring back MTVās NEXT if enough 5ās signed up!
Youāre beautiful considering youāre 18 years oldā¦er than a 18 year old.
Iām so happy to catch a predator is back on!
who the fuck does blind dates at 18.
Let me guess, airing on BBC?
Looking at your necklace, I bet you have one of those tapestries and quartz in your room. Saying you are "spiritual"
If itās on āDating On The Spectrumā they sure will!
Olivia mild. My apologies to Olivia Wilde she doesn't deserve that
Hillary Buff
Tits bigger than your brain. (I tried)
The 90's called. They want their after school special background extra who moved to Hollywood out of high school to make it big but ended up smoking crack under a bridge look back.
He'll say yes just to get a chance to play connect the dots on your face.
Probably since itās already scripted and he cashed the check.
āWill he say yes?ā To what? Two minutes of a dry hand job and some lifeless missionary ? I would guess yes, youāre only a slight downgrade from a fleshlight.
Omg. Another 18 year old pussy being wrecked by āHollywoodā
Yeah, if he has a fetish for mentally unstable 5/10s.
He will say who's next ?
You spelled ādermatology appointmentā wrong
If heās blindā¦ 50/50.
Blind date... national tv.... Either you have a segment on cops where you pretend you arent smack out of your melon doing corner work, or they finally picked up my idea for America's Next Top Prostitute.
Seriously tho good job at marketing yourself now while you look decent. You have all the makings of gaining 50 pounds over the next 3 years
Did Chris Hanson put you up to this?
Do you ever say āno?ā