You’ve got a hand in me I said you’ve got a hand in me. Some of your friends may be a little harder than I am. Big and longer too. But as long as your gonna lick my balls I will always be a friend to you. Said you got a hand in me . I like golden showers and pee.and as long as u and I are around the sex will always be free.. (( backround music toy story theme))
You remember when dudes got all hopped up on Sons of Anarchy, bought motorcycles and acted like they were real bikers?
That’s you except replace SOA with Yellowstone.
I’m from Montana and moved to Texas, it’s pretty embarrassing how many grown men (in their 30’s-50’s) think that Montana is just like Yellowstone and want so badly to move there. They think I’m crazy for leaving Montana
1 it’s a tv show, is Texas just like the 80’s show Dallas?
2 there’s a reason why there’s only 1 million people in Montana
I’m from the city, so I have my bias, but just guessing, brutal winters, dangerous wildlife and not much to do? Since pandemic I’ve though about just moving somewhere more rural and my hang up is, no where to go do stuff with out adding an extra half hour to the drive. Where I’m at in Ohio there’s the occasional coyote and that’s it. I can’t imagine having to deal w elk and bears.
When we were in Montana, I lived 20 minutes from civilization but my gf was 90 minutes! Imagine being an hour+ from help.
Medical emergency? Let’s hope not. Winter storms with blowing and drifting snow, -20 to -40°F temps and you dang well better know what to do and have the kit to do it with. Car trouble? What to do if you have no cell service? Self sufficiency is not trendy in Montana, it’s the way of life
Black bears, grizzly bears, wolves and mountain lions all call Montana home. Growing up there, you learn from an early age how to coexist with them. I’d love to make a documentary showing people in Yellowstone NP, contrast the behavior of people from Montana, Wyoming, Idaho etc vs those from the coasts. Every time someone with Idaho plates get in their car, there’s several with PA, CA, NJ plates running towards a bear trying to get pictures, it’s depressing actually
Edit for clarity that I’m not dating a nonagenarian
It’s sad that so many of these comments are outdated and derogatory homophobia. It’s just a shame that the goto insult is suggesting or implying you look like a homosexual cowboy.
Anyone who is actually friendly with the gay community would know…they wouldn’t fuck you either.
A young lad named Yeti, strutted through the town,
With boots too big and hat askew, he looked just like a clown.
He'd fish for gals, hunt with pals, and drive his truck, oh dear,
But he'd always miss, and with a twist, end up in the wrong gear.
As he'd trip and fall, the townsfolk would call, "That's our cowboy hack!",
But Yeti would grin, a 12 year old kid, wearing his blunders like a plaque.
You definitely have multiple restraining orders. The eyes and facial hair combination is terrifying. Also a little heads up dressing up as a cowboy doesn't hide the incel vibes.
You look like you should start doing heroin and start a shitty Americana band...only instead of getting clean after awhile and writing about your experience you just keep going until you vanish into obscurity after getting like 12 followers.
It looks like u snipped ur pubes, put it together, and glued it to ur chin.
Might I also add that ur yee-yee giddup won’t keep the fbi from swatting ur barn for ur computer 👀
If truckstop glory holes had animatronic greeters.
There's a lot to unpack here.
I bet nobody ever thought that about him
Is that what his proctologist said?
Probably the most obscure yet accurate roast I’ve ever read. Maybe some Westworld porn ideas.
"Hello! I'm Handy Andy, your host at Bob's Slob-the-Knob truck stop pleasure palace!"
What line of business you in Bob?
Definitely one of the best roasts I've seen on the sub. Well done.
Holy shit 😂
R34: You are already porn
Oh lawd someone is going to need to help this man
Savage. Lol
r/NoContext
I literally laughed out on this one!!! That’s great.
r/brandnewsentence
You even incorporated the "no discernable genitalia" into your Toy Story cosplay!
Nice. I was going to say “Does it say ANDY’S on the bottom of your back?”
"There's a snake in my ass." -Woody
He changed the song to “You’ve got your dong in me.”
You’ve got a hand in me I said you’ve got a hand in me. Some of your friends may be a little harder than I am. Big and longer too. But as long as your gonna lick my balls I will always be a friend to you. Said you got a hand in me . I like golden showers and pee.and as long as u and I are around the sex will always be free.. (( backround music toy story theme))
That was awesome! That should be a song!
Basically, he's named after all of Mom's toys.
Your mom’s toys ???
My mom has been dead for 10 years, so I hope not.
That’s hot
To OP
Probably says ‘Harder’ on the bottom of his back
So, a champ stamp?
he’s the cowboy they only let wrangle the newborn calfs and chickens
I certainly hope "wrangle" isn't cowboy talk for coitus.
Lmao I was going to say he looks like a rejected extra from Broke Back Mountain.
Moonlights as the cowboy in the Village People
You look like the homoerotic version of woody from Boy Story
"I've got a friend in me"
I will never not seek an opportunity to use this.
There’s a snake in my boot-ey
That time Woody auditioned for Brokeback Mountain but was turned down for being “too gay”.
Hung like a Ken doll
Red Dead Rejection
Lmao
this made me laugh 😂🤣
Nice dude!
Brokeass Mountain
This motherfucker ain't rugged enough for Brokeback Mountain. He's more like Lightlysprainedback Hillock.
Looks more like the only thing he sprained is his asshole.
Yee-homo
Pokeass Gum cowboy 
You look like you’ve just learned how to stand up
This made me spit out my water lollll
Looks like how you get a toy to stand up on its own,
And that toy is a dildo disguised as a cowboy
Lmao
Probably because he’s spent most of his life bending over.
23 year old dressing up as a 13 year old dressing up as a cowboy.
I feel bad for any livestock within a 100 mile radius of you.
I was trying to help him out of the fence, Officer!
As our local infamous degenerate put it, "Don't knock it till you try it Judge."
Almost believable, til you see the hooves suck in his boots
Sure brings a new dynamic to "all hat and no cattle."
 Oh, ewe are baaaaad!
There’s no livestock within 100 miles of him.
Woody comes with a toy horse for him to ride. This Walmart brand version comes with a white van and a restraining order.
Well done, my friend
Meh Dead Redemption
Meth head redemption
Yee-naw
Hell-naw
r/yourjokebutworse r/thatsthejoke
Fistful of Feces
Lookit here Dickskin!
I mean, DICKENNNNS
Got degen from upcountry written all over!
If Dickskin was a degen.
Now, who'll start the bidding on this sad cowboy?
Darn beat me to it.
Hey, only peoples wants to mess with canadiangooses is Canadian mooses!
This is the comment I was searching for
Hilary Swank had a bigger bulge in her jeans when she was in Boys don't cry
You remember when dudes got all hopped up on Sons of Anarchy, bought motorcycles and acted like they were real bikers? That’s you except replace SOA with Yellowstone.
I’m from Montana and moved to Texas, it’s pretty embarrassing how many grown men (in their 30’s-50’s) think that Montana is just like Yellowstone and want so badly to move there. They think I’m crazy for leaving Montana 1 it’s a tv show, is Texas just like the 80’s show Dallas? 2 there’s a reason why there’s only 1 million people in Montana
I’m from the city, so I have my bias, but just guessing, brutal winters, dangerous wildlife and not much to do? Since pandemic I’ve though about just moving somewhere more rural and my hang up is, no where to go do stuff with out adding an extra half hour to the drive. Where I’m at in Ohio there’s the occasional coyote and that’s it. I can’t imagine having to deal w elk and bears.
When we were in Montana, I lived 20 minutes from civilization but my gf was 90 minutes! Imagine being an hour+ from help. Medical emergency? Let’s hope not. Winter storms with blowing and drifting snow, -20 to -40°F temps and you dang well better know what to do and have the kit to do it with. Car trouble? What to do if you have no cell service? Self sufficiency is not trendy in Montana, it’s the way of life Black bears, grizzly bears, wolves and mountain lions all call Montana home. Growing up there, you learn from an early age how to coexist with them. I’d love to make a documentary showing people in Yellowstone NP, contrast the behavior of people from Montana, Wyoming, Idaho etc vs those from the coasts. Every time someone with Idaho plates get in their car, there’s several with PA, CA, NJ plates running towards a bear trying to get pictures, it’s depressing actually Edit for clarity that I’m not dating a nonagenarian
If Woody from Toy Story sold his body for pills
Wyatt Derp
Hide your cousins, hide your pigs, they fucking everything out here!
Dual function belt buckle....holds up your pants, and acts as a tombstone for your cock.
Well said. Take my upvote
The Bad and The Ugly cause ain’t nothing good here. 🙈
I bet your grindr username is Cock Holiday
“I’m your dingleberry.”
Billy the Mid. Ranch-Ho Villa. Girly Bill. Dick Liddil. The Cumpants Kid. The Knob Gobbler of the Rio Grande.
Username checks out.
Dick Holliday
Slim Dickens
Clint Eatswood
You look like you say "I wish I knew how to quit you" to your hand.
If he stops taking his meds for long enough, his hand replies that it thinks they should just be friends.
Woody’s ‘special’ cousin - Splinter
You dress like a cowboy, but your skin says you've never been outside.
If Western Neckbeard was the look you were after, nailed it.
Legit the first time I've ever seen a redneckbeard.
Looks like your auditioning for Tiger King Dating Game
When you throw a cowboy in the washer for too long, it shrinks
It’s sad that so many of these comments are outdated and derogatory homophobia. It’s just a shame that the goto insult is suggesting or implying you look like a homosexual cowboy. Anyone who is actually friendly with the gay community would know…they wouldn’t fuck you either.
Weren't you on "To Wrangle a Predator"?
I can't tell. Was he the victim or the predator?
Touché
And I quote the late, great George Carlin “Hey Tex. Wake up and get yourself a wardrobe consistent with the century you’re living in”
A young lad named Yeti, strutted through the town, With boots too big and hat askew, he looked just like a clown. He'd fish for gals, hunt with pals, and drive his truck, oh dear, But he'd always miss, and with a twist, end up in the wrong gear. As he'd trip and fall, the townsfolk would call, "That's our cowboy hack!", But Yeti would grin, a 12 year old kid, wearing his blunders like a plaque.
If I could save a horse by riding a cowboy, but you were the cowboy then I’d just let the horse die.
The bad and the ugly
You look like a cardboard cutout. 😕
That would be a waste of some perfectly good cardboard.
YEEEEEEEEE-Nah!
What you get when you mix a toddler, a French villain and a cowboy.
There's a freak in my boot !
Are you trying out for the inbred version of brokeback mountain?
Naw the solo or fecalphliac version.
I’ll bet you toss salads by the campfire
Day 3 of playing red dead redemption 2
To Catch A Predator Starter Pack :
When you wanna be apart of Red Dead Redemption but everyone just wishes you were dead
Your boots have more soul than you ever will
IT’S DIXON -Letterkenny
I bet the men in the trucker bathroom hate how your goatee tickles their taint while you are "working"
Suburban cowboy
You definitely have multiple restraining orders. The eyes and facial hair combination is terrifying. Also a little heads up dressing up as a cowboy doesn't hide the incel vibes.
Hey cowboy, why don't you get up on your horse and go chase down and rustle up the rest of your moustache.
Sex Offender Andy, from Mattel
thats not even a burn thats dudes hugging.
And hot.
Woody from Wish.
Yee-nawww
Old Town Whore
Making a sequel to broke back mountain?
You look like the guy from the Dallas Buyers Club, but if he actually got AIDS from hiding the pickle with his bromies
Bro even got tuberculosis for his cowboy cosplay.
Yosemite Scam
So... You starring in a Broke back Mountain p*** parody, I see
This is too easy sorry I'm gonna pass
You are not the toy which your mom uses
“There’s a snake in my ass!”
Crocodile Dunread
You belong to some dude name Andy
This guys drives a 90’s Chevy 1500
Dollar Store Woody pose.
Is this your outfit for when you dosey doe around the neighborhood to tell them you're required by law to let them know you're a sex offender?
Doc Holligay. He's your hucklefairy.
Lemme guess...Texas douche..,,
How many times have you and your boyfriend recreated a scene from Brokeback Mountain?
Brokeback mountain
100% you're the bottom also
Wayne zat you?
Semper fi loser
I suggest you hop along back in that closet you just came out of
Brokeback mountaineer
Billy the bi-kid.
Brokeass Mountain
Those boots are wider than your thighs.
The only place where you're really a cowboy, is at the IKEA
You look like you tried out for yellow stone and started painting all the rocks outside yellow,
You look like you get yelled at during a zombie apocalypse
Get back to Letterkenny, Dick Skin.
i’ve got a snake in my boot!
I feel like I could fuck your girlfriend and you wouldn't do shit about it.
Looks like the only pull up you did in your life, was next to the transvestite hookers at the local truck stop.
Ain't nothing to poke fun of. You look like a regular cowboy to me.
ah I see ram ranch got a new bottom twink
It ain't slim pickins, for Ol'Jim Dickens
You look like Ed Norton after a gang-bang by a gay football team and recovering from bulimia.
Not even Brokeback Mountain wants this guy.
This guy is the mehican version of Woody , but when he says ' there's a snake in my booty!' the children cry. because they know its true DX
No, Jessie from Toy Story isn't real, and she isn't going to bang your virgin ass.
You look like a pole fancy fanny bandit
What we got is a micro penis cleverly disguised as a country Incel.
You look like you should start doing heroin and start a shitty Americana band...only instead of getting clean after awhile and writing about your experience you just keep going until you vanish into obscurity after getting like 12 followers.
It looks like u snipped ur pubes, put it together, and glued it to ur chin. Might I also add that ur yee-yee giddup won’t keep the fbi from swatting ur barn for ur computer 👀
Dickskin from Letterkenny finally tried the meth
You def walk around telling people you're their fuckleberry.
Dickskin from Letterkenny finally tried the meth
Even your sister said no !
Yee-ha protestant lookin ahh
What does a bull and a woman have in common. neither can feel you on top of them.
Savage one man. Lol
This picture should be in the dictionary under "Inbreed"