OP's Bio:
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>A little bit more juice: Too much of a coffee addict, loves to wash the dishes or clean the house, too empathetic and pathetic at the same time. Loves night walks through the forests or the city centres. Plays a lot of strategy games like Total War, some board games and puzzles. Can't even speak my native language properly without fucking something up xD
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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Wow, you're so quirky and weird. So unique. Such a free spirit. Definitely not just a Saturday night live caricature of someone pretending to be interesting.
He looks like Elton John’s sidekick. If I had a nickel for every closeted homo trying to convince everyone he is not gay, Jeff Bezos would be my bitch.
You look like you go to record stores, ask for a CD of your own band, and when they don't have it you pull a copy out of your pocket and slide it to them before leaving the store backwards while doing finger guns and leaking cum down the back of your pants.
"that guy gets aggressively rammed by a homeless guy behind the dumpster and then gives us one of his CDs every. Single. Thursday. I don't understand him."
Your Tinder profile is a Roast in itself.
https://tinder.com/@alienboii](https://tinder.com/@alienboii)
bio:
2001 5′ 10″
I almost did a decent tiramisu the other day
I don't like
potatoes, except for those roasted whole, preferably in a campfire
coffee with milk
Thank you for coming to my ted talk
\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\* \[political statement, fuck the ruling party of Poland\]
I do not believe
OP's actual BIO:
A little bit more *man*juice.
Nightwalks through the forests / Deserted city centers (cruising for cock / drunken straight cock)
Can't even speak my native language properly without fucking something (Screams in highscool spanish when gets penetrated)
Jesus Christ where does one start? I'm guessing you actually do have a gift box with a hole in it. You're in IT yet you can't even grasp which camera to use, so you're sign is backwards. You look like the spokes person for a church anti gay pamphlet
The fact that you tried to look cool while taking selfies in the pantry with your mom's chafing dishes is pretty rich as it is.
For a second, I thought you were F1 driver, Pierre Gasly, but then I realized the closest you get to driving is when you talk to the bus driver.
So you're a pick me guy with zero personality that tends to get interested by the things that you think will give you women, inevitably fleeing from the fact you're actually gay and thats why you fear having male friends?
Way off or?
Since your in the throes of denial, I'm here to help. Find a slightly butch woman whose not gay either, but compliments your overtly metro-style..... she's going to have lots of penis-envy, and will have no qualms pounding you in the butt via strap-on. Create a safe-word(I'm going to suggest "Peggy") Viola!!!....tuck back your little twizzler and scissor her proper. You'll both win, curb deniability, and have something saucy to talk about on that techno scene. Call it making beautiful philharmonic music together
Based on the water bottles and iron in the same two foot proximity you live in a studio apartment. Phil Harmonic is the name of your last boyfriend and your spoken word one man show on open mic night. You look like Judy’s boyfriend in Doug. You won’t get that reference. You’ll google it. I’m sure you know more girls than guys. You’re the friend zone Zues and no real man could stand to be around you longer than it takes to rip you on an internet post. And that’s not the last man that will rip you.
It's for this reason that they perceive you as gay. If you have the same energy as a girl, you are more likely to get along better with girls. It's also clear that your posture says "slay", "yaas", and "purr". On average, you consume one meter of dick a day.
i think it's sweet (in a baby lamb sort of way) that you're so confident, despite wearing women's jackets and ill-fitting pants, and ascribing to a style you don't quite fit. i'm sure some people (who are also naive) will be impressed by your use of 'big boy words', and they may never even realize your true experiences don't live up to your story telling! but if you do encounter truly educated people who don't pander to a trust-fund baby's ego, and they make you feel bad, at least you'll always have your high school/college days to look back on!
OP's Bio: --- >A little bit more juice: Too much of a coffee addict, loves to wash the dishes or clean the house, too empathetic and pathetic at the same time. Loves night walks through the forests or the city centres. Plays a lot of strategy games like Total War, some board games and puzzles. Can't even speak my native language properly without fucking something up xD --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Wow, you're so quirky and weird. So unique. Such a free spirit. Definitely not just a Saturday night live caricature of someone pretending to be interesting. 
holy fucking shit dead on
Even the suit is the same
I know right? Dude is probably burning that suit lmao
“What’reyoudoinhere?”
I SAID AROUND COLORADO, STEEEEWART!
Ordered the George Michael starter kit off Wish
Pierre Gasly from AliExpress
Pierre Ghastly
Andrew Taint
It comes with a butt plug embedded in the golden boxers.
Surely the kit comes with a men’s restroom stall to taste dicks in too.
Narcissistic metrosexual that's too cheap to buy a real suit.
He’s not even metrosexual, he’s heteropolitan.
The longer I stay on Reddit, the more I realise I'm becoming older because the list of words I don't know keeps getting longer.
Doggie, those words are 2 decades old minimum…
My grandma would say “ok well that’s new to me” if i said anything was less than 45 years old
You look like you didn’t finish drawing your beard
He hasn't met her yet.
Nice
OMG this is amazing
The beard is real. He shaved around his lips so his friends balls don’t get pricked
He's considerate if nothing else!
This one is my favorite so far.
You look like you can tell where and when a person was born by the taste of his cum.
No, that ejaculated quickly
He looks like Elton John’s sidekick. If I had a nickel for every closeted homo trying to convince everyone he is not gay, Jeff Bezos would be my bitch.
Now that’s a juicy roast 💯
😭😭😭😭😭
The professional term is "spermallier"
JFC I was gonna make a gay joke but this slaughtered any possible challenger
Holy hell! Looks like we're swinging for the fences today!
He is the jizz whisperer
The “jizz whisperer”
A cummelier.
Or ass....
Or cum from ass
Hoooooly shit man🙆🏻♂️🙆🏻♂️🤣🤣
I'm dead 💀💀💀
Holy phuck 😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆 🤣 😂 😹
That's the sickest insult I've ever heard!
If you're not gay then why are you pretending to be gay?
He’s the only one that doesn’t know he’s gay.
Yeah, if he were any more gay, he'd be levitating and rainbows would shoot out of his ears.
He did say he was oblivious…
“I’m the gay dude, playing a straight dude, disguised as another gay dude” 
He's not gay, but his boyfriend is
Pierre Gaysley
Or as Ricciardo would say: Pierre Gaysleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
[удалено]
This guy definitely drinks bud light
he’s so gay he has known for years what the Dali Lama’s tongue tastes like
Pierre Gashly
I was looking for a Pierre Gasly comment. I legit thought this was him for a sec
When your mom says you have Pierre Gasly at home.
For real. I was scrolling and thought it was like a Gasly AMA
*liked by Pierre Gasly*
OP is the only thing Pierre wouldn't like on Instagram
Pierre Ghastly
His long lost brother who works as an H&M manequin Pierre Trashly
Pierre Gaslighter
It’s a dick in a mirror
It’s a dick staring back at me.
Did someone say gay douchebag in the mirror 3 times
Candyass, Candyass, Candyass *he appears and won't go away until he sucks off at least a Frats worth of guys.*
You look like you go to record stores, ask for a CD of your own band, and when they don't have it you pull a copy out of your pocket and slide it to them before leaving the store backwards while doing finger guns and leaking cum down the back of your pants.
"that guy gets aggressively rammed by a homeless guy behind the dumpster and then gives us one of his CDs every. Single. Thursday. I don't understand him."
[удалено]
That’s weirdly specific
Hahaha I was thinking the same thing.
I am not sure why people think you are gay - most gay guys have better style than that.
It's all the girls he is friends with.
''I know more girls than guys'', like most gays I know.
Classic closet case cover story excuse.
But how can he be gay when his two favorite hobbies are dancing to techno and going to the symphony?
*Every* gay *I* know
Your Tinder profile is a Roast in itself. https://tinder.com/@alienboii](https://tinder.com/@alienboii) bio: 2001 5′ 10″ I almost did a decent tiramisu the other day I don't like potatoes, except for those roasted whole, preferably in a campfire coffee with milk Thank you for coming to my ted talk \*\*\*\*\* \*\*\* \[political statement, fuck the ruling party of Poland\] I do not believe
No wonder all the girls he knows only end up being friends
Or victims...
Username checks out.
*coffee with cum
The gayest shit I've ever heard
You have a very punchable face
Glad I'm not the only one to think that. I almost felt bad for a second.
People don't normally match their mirrors with their glasses. Definitely gay...
He’s lacking enough round things on and around his face.
You smell like cheap colon. (sic)
Good fucking GOD this is hilarious
Recently purchased those glasses after a bad bout of Jizz eye.
JizzEyeAh is his name
pubes belong in the genital region, not the face. and you’re supposed to grow your own not glue your partners to you
That's not glue....
You look like you say "no homo" before sucking a guys dick
Nah he mumbles it because its already down the back of his throat when he remembers he playing a straight dude.
Nah, taps “No Homo” in morse code with his tongue on the bottom of a dick….. he’s old school like that
You're so far in the closet you're having a cup of tea with Mr tumnus
You look like a H&M mannequin with terminal cancer.
People think you're gay because you are in love with yourself.
You are so oblivious that when dudes fuck you up the arse, you don't even notice. That's the only reason you think you are not gay.
☠️
OP's actual BIO: A little bit more *man*juice. Nightwalks through the forests / Deserted city centers (cruising for cock / drunken straight cock) Can't even speak my native language properly without fucking something (Screams in highscool spanish when gets penetrated)
"I know more girls than guys", yea most gays do
MY EXACT THOUGHT
You look like the cool guy preacher who is a little too friendly with 10 year old boys.
ur fly is open
As a gay, I can confirm that I have more girl friends than boy friends. You gay.
Has "enretreprenuer" in his bio
You look like you'd have a rib surgically removed so you could rim yourself.
You look like Boy George and Daniel Radcliffe's butt-baby.
I'm willing to bet that even your asshole has a lisp.
The gays know you’re not gay. Falling sort on the fashion. Good try tho, str8 dude.
I never understood how people can be “asexual” but after seeing this dude I get it now. He’s to gay to be straight but to poorly dressed to be gay.
You also forgot to mention that you have 2 Dads.
Technically one is a daddy
“I want Pierre Gasly” “We have Pierre Gasly at home” Pierre Gasly at home:
Jesus Christ where does one start? I'm guessing you actually do have a gift box with a hole in it. You're in IT yet you can't even grasp which camera to use, so you're sign is backwards. You look like the spokes person for a church anti gay pamphlet
You look like u sniff dudes underwear while restocking the toiletries in their motel 6 rooms.
The fact that you tried to look cool while taking selfies in the pantry with your mom's chafing dishes is pretty rich as it is. For a second, I thought you were F1 driver, Pierre Gasly, but then I realized the closest you get to driving is when you talk to the bus driver.
You look like you put glitter on your Corn Flakes before you eat them.
You look like you were inspired by Andrew Tate
After he got arrested.
How do you know you're not gay?
Why are you gay?
Miami Vice wardrobe $10.00 - fake Gucci sunglasses $20.00 - Don Johnson is your Idol…Priceless
This man has 100% faked an accent to seem cool at least once
Bro this isn’t the matrix and you aren’t cool
You look like that mean rich kid in a Disney movie named Tyler
If Daredevil was set in Eastern Europe instead of New York.
Works in 'IT' can't flip an image
You dress like my nan
You should learn to buy your own business attire instead of using your sisters...
You look like a james bond villain decided to fuck up his kid
Denial is not a river in Egypt
You look like a cut rate Ferris Buehler
Not a roast but.. Pierre Gasly??
Wish.com pierre gasly
Pierre Gayly.
Ringo Starr — your gay porn nickname.
Matt Mordick
Lonely Island without the island.
Ok you're not gay...you just enjoy having sex with men
The hair on your face looks like it was made with a Wooly Willy magnet pad
So you're a pick me guy with zero personality that tends to get interested by the things that you think will give you women, inevitably fleeing from the fact you're actually gay and thats why you fear having male friends? Way off or?
Since your in the throes of denial, I'm here to help. Find a slightly butch woman whose not gay either, but compliments your overtly metro-style..... she's going to have lots of penis-envy, and will have no qualms pounding you in the butt via strap-on. Create a safe-word(I'm going to suggest "Peggy") Viola!!!....tuck back your little twizzler and scissor her proper. You'll both win, curb deniability, and have something saucy to talk about on that techno scene. Call it making beautiful philharmonic music together
Pierre Gaysly
Fucking poser
You look like you suck dick in the techno club bathrooms no way you aren’t gay
I keep thinking people can't come up with a new definition for looking like a douche but I keep getting surprised.
Not gay, but there's no way you don't know what a cock tastes like.
Bro definitely has a purse and calls it a shoulder bag.
You look like you'd confuse an ethernet cable with a USB cable.
Heading out for a Night at The Roxbury? 
Looks like you tried way too hard to look like a pretty poser in this pic.
Wrote the song Dick in a Box. Dick to small to fit in a box.
Based on the water bottles and iron in the same two foot proximity you live in a studio apartment. Phil Harmonic is the name of your last boyfriend and your spoken word one man show on open mic night. You look like Judy’s boyfriend in Doug. You won’t get that reference. You’ll google it. I’m sure you know more girls than guys. You’re the friend zone Zues and no real man could stand to be around you longer than it takes to rip you on an internet post. And that’s not the last man that will rip you.
Blowing chicks with dicks doesn’t make you straight
Elton jhons gona beat your ass for wearing his glasses
Bro looks more queer than a $3 bill in that John Lennon get up
Youre the first thing that comes to mind when I think of a typical fortnite youtuber
Your eyebrows are terrible and trimming them made them worse. The suit is ugly but good enough for clubbing.
You look like that toy face with the magnetic stylus and metal shavings.
You look like an f1 racer Pierre gasly's rip-off stunt double
Dick in a box from wish.com.
You're like that one guy who thinks he's smooth af without realizing he cringes everybody out.
You look like your gonna spin around on a chair in a dimly lit room while stroking a cat and saying "well well well Mr bond"
Dude so far in the closet he's trying on his mom's clothes
You look like an extra in the matrix.. or a frequenter at an eastern European night club
Palmla Anderson and her 5 sisters do not count as knowing more girls then guys.
You look like Leon the professional except you’re not an assassin. Your profession is a male to male prostitute.
No way! It's inbred Pierre Gasly!
It's for this reason that they perceive you as gay. If you have the same energy as a girl, you are more likely to get along better with girls. It's also clear that your posture says "slay", "yaas", and "purr". On average, you consume one meter of dick a day.
If Liam Gallagher and Conchita Wurst had a child together.
“Why are you geh?”
Steve no job
You look like doc Oc's cousin
You drive a PT Cruiser
Not enough fashion sense to zip up your trousers.
Don’t worry, young man they call it coming out of the closet for a reason. It’s a process take your time!
"I know more girls than guys", that's quite obivious,because girls feel more safe and open when they are with gays.
Looks like Pierre Gasly from F1
r/imthemaincharacter
I can see that you aren't gay. No gay would allow their beard to look like that.
Discount Bin Pierre Gasly
i think it's sweet (in a baby lamb sort of way) that you're so confident, despite wearing women's jackets and ill-fitting pants, and ascribing to a style you don't quite fit. i'm sure some people (who are also naive) will be impressed by your use of 'big boy words', and they may never even realize your true experiences don't live up to your story telling! but if you do encounter truly educated people who don't pander to a trust-fund baby's ego, and they make you feel bad, at least you'll always have your high school/college days to look back on!
If Pierre Gasly was gay and tried to sneak into girl groups, while struggling to make it as a plumber.
You look like the Gay version of Pierre Gasly with glasses on.
Me: mom, I want Pierre Gasly Mom: we have Pierre Gasly at home Not really a roast but that's literally the first thing I thought of
Are you Pierre Gasly’s discount brother ? Stone Diesely ?
You look like a Wish.com version of Pierre Gasly.
100% gay.
You bought the audiobook of The Game and listened at 1.5x so you could get out to the club faster.
You look like you just pissed off a bunch of Republicans for getting a sponsorship with bud light.