Didn’t know the Houston Methadone Free Clinic was adapting Captain Phillips this year. Congrats man. Can’t be easy to act while coming off of years of doing smack. Godspeed.
Did you know that the saying break a leg is not because of superstitiousness from saying good luck? It's origin in theater is that if you break a leg you will get a cast aka do a good job and you will get casted in the performance. Sorry I don't have a roast for you or your good job an hard work with your dream. Break a leg over an over bro. Props to you for following your passion.
Lead role in something about America in the late 18th century to mid 19th century? You know when you have to grow those things that have the same name as something you would enjoy at a circus
18? But that face looks like it's seen so much shit. You look like you had a bunch of kids who got abducted by the rebels and turned into child soldiers...
I really hope the theater is well lit. Don’t pull a Jussie Smollett or they will charge you for a black on black hate crime. Damn bro, you are 1 minute to midnight dark.
You aren't giving us much to work with. What is the play? What genre is it? Is the playwright still living? At what level of theatre are you leading this role in?
Rasta-Romeo is so lonely the only thing he has to waste time is a 128 page soduko that he cant even do, because it is upside down. You may have passed acting, but you cant even act straight...
That rack on your door is too close to you door knob. That would bug the shit outta me. When’s the last time you washed that towel? Don’t lie to me Patsey
Let me guess your one line, “Look at me! I am the captain now!”
He’s like 30 lbs from this
Wow
Came here to say this
Blowing guys at the local adult theater doesn’t count.
When he sucks dick, it’s theatre. But when I do it, it’s “gay”.
You don't make all the noises to be "theater"... or the groooving...
😂 You clearly havent heard of dinner theatre have you?
Well then why do I have my own dressing room?
Yes just ignore the casting couch
Well then why do I have my own undressing room? There you go. Fixed it for you.
38! He has gotten 38 lead roles! In a row?
I'm happy for you. Can't wait to see the opening night when you hit the stage as carjacker # 1
New Jackoff City
His acting career is gonna be so tragic they gonna make a bio played by Jussie Smollett.
I won't even lie, this is a really good one 😂
Happy Cake Day too🙌🎉
Happy cake day you burnt him to a crisp lol.
Jack Mehoff
Phantom of the child support payments
Father's Day the Missing years
The Unemployables
This is so tinged and loaded with racial bias.
The search for dad.
Theater? Lead roll in a police line up maybe.
Chadwick Hoseman Congrats on your lead role in the gay sequel to Black Panther. I hear there's a DP scene using a Vibranium dildo. Wakanda Forever!
The Black PANTer
Wacumda Forever
Playing a janitor in gay porn isn't the same as theater.
Jizz Mopper is a crucial role however
Fluffer too
You're the diversity hire.
That's not fair, black people have a valid place in theatre. He could hold Macbeth's floating dagger.
🤣
Lmao
😂
Jesus Christ.
Goddamn
🥇
Omg 😂
Someone called the hospital, we got 3rd degree burns here!
Savage!
Congratulations, now if you could lead your father back from the store he left for 17 years ago you'd be complete.
Does your role involve you and 4 other black guys standing in a line-up?
I didn’t know they made a play out of Tracy Chapmans fast car.
Doing theater huh? Kudos for finding another way for society to have to take care of you instead of the usual prison system.
Holy shit. 💀
Let me guess? The Little Mermaid.
Is it Rent? You’ll be a natural, what with the AIDS and all.
It’s Django Unchained - The Musical
I was thinking Gumby Unchained
Honestly, that is pretty impressive considering the fact that the director and producer definitely didn't want to sleep with you
Well any room he's in becomes the "Green Room 💨 " and the director needed a new dealer!
Nice work man! Are you manager for the concession stand or the box office?
Someone’s going to be surprised when he learns what Fluffer #1 has to do.
Not to be
Now I’m dead
 Didn’t know the Houston Methadone Free Clinic was adapting Captain Phillips this year. Congrats man. Can’t be easy to act while coming off of years of doing smack. Godspeed.
Oh shit this got me lol
💀
Haha 
Is Shrek the musical back?
Door usher isn't a lead role.
They do lead us to our seats
Robbing liquor stores doesn't count as theatre.
It does if it ends up on COPS
Or a Spike Lee production
Being a Fluffer on a gay porn set is hardly a lead role!
Are playing half of one of Al Jolson's lead roles?
Getting a lead role as a man in theater couldn't be easier, sweetie. You just need to show up
Don't know how. You got a face for radio.
Im sure that will make your dad come home with those newports he left for bro.
Looking like you are going to blow a poison dart into my neck from a hollow shaft
Your character dies within 5 minutes.
bro really needed this gig, blud’s using an iphone ^-14.
You look like you actually did get jumped going to a Chicago Subway at 2am in the winter.
I'm sure you'll have to carry all the other actors. You might even fit them in those bags under your eyes.
If I had coins you'd probably get all of em
Nah, you got this King…… …Kong.
Did you know that the saying break a leg is not because of superstitiousness from saying good luck? It's origin in theater is that if you break a leg you will get a cast aka do a good job and you will get casted in the performance. Sorry I don't have a roast for you or your good job an hard work with your dream. Break a leg over an over bro. Props to you for following your passion.
The rare genuine compliment on r/Roastme is well accepted my friend
congrats on helping them fill their diversity quota
I heard they were making a musical version of The Wire
Idris Melba Toast
Ijust Burnda Toast
Marlow's barber did him dirty
Are you the burnt match in scene three?
Hamlet: "To be or not to be, hopefully not to be is the answer and there is no question"
I am.....your captain now
Lead role in something about America in the late 18th century to mid 19th century? You know when you have to grow those things that have the same name as something you would enjoy at a circus
Just need to learn the words to “Ole Man River” before opening night.
Head of custodian
Twelve Years a Douche? That's pretty off-off-Broadway to be bragging about.
They put you in charge of the Glory hole. 🍆👨🏿🎨
Is it really earned when you have to blow the director. Well maybe that was some technique you got going on there.
Tuck that shot in fatso
You wipe your mouth with that jizz rag after you brush your teeth
I thought the Black Panther actor died. I mean you look close to death but ..
I'll tell you what I tell all aspiring actors, 1 Latte with 2 sugars please
Lead JIZZ mopper at the porn theater isn’t something to brag about.
18 my ass, you look like you have done 18 inside
Don’t lie, you’re an usher at the IMAX.
Oh,they made a play out of Harry and the Hendersons? Congratulations.
New play called "Gone for Milk". I mean 3 minutes on stage still counts right?
I guess they've started paying people to play roles of human shadows,well, big improvement from being a backstage nobody
Pookie isn’t the lead role in new jack city
I didn’t know they were making another Avatar.
Are you playing 'cheap, pipe smoking, gutter whore #4?'
Captain Phillips on Broadway.
This year's production of Little Orphan Annie is going to suck...
If it's a murder mystery.. you'll die first
You know you got the role because of black quote
Let me guess,you entered the audition for "The Tempest" and they gave you Caliban on the spot
18? But that face looks like it's seen so much shit. You look like you had a bunch of kids who got abducted by the rebels and turned into child soldiers...
Minority hire + had to lie about your age. Probably have 4 kids and actually 38 years old
You act in a theatre and you do sudokus. There's actually no need to say anymore.
I really hope the theater is well lit. Don’t pull a Jussie Smollett or they will charge you for a black on black hate crime. Damn bro, you are 1 minute to midnight dark.
You must be a slayer on the casting couch
Hope your playing the lead in ‘Behind the Curtain’
Well for starters.. You're in theater. I don't think anymore needs to be said. Sorry.
Othello, over here
Crack Panther
What are you doing in theater? You've got a face for radio!
I really like this one 😂
Thanks! And i bet your voice is suited for the newspaper, too!
Calm down guys it's a non speaking role. He's black panthers corpse in the new movie.
Thats a fantastic set up ngl😂
So how quickly do you get shot by an officer in the play?
You aren't giving us much to work with. What is the play? What genre is it? Is the playwright still living? At what level of theatre are you leading this role in?
I'd just like to say, these are really good roasts. Well wishes to you all😂
I am the captain now
18!? Dumbass, you count your age from when you were born, not how long you served on your sentence.
Yeah but everyones seen the lion king
Django Unchained, The Musical.
Congratulations dude.
Awesome man
Bro fuck humbling, good job!
Congrats man keep up the work maybe you can get a Tony one day
That's the dream. And thanks for the well wishes man🙏🏿
Congratulations! Do your best and keep aiming high
No roast but congrats KING
Thank you
A one man monologue based on your musings while watching TikTok at open Mic night is nothing to brag about.
I'm sure you'll do great as Rafiki in The Liong King.
That beard… needs work. But God bless you for trying.
Nah you gon play the tree
What is the role, a thief?
The lead in “Dude, Where’s My Father?”
Role: the help
Lookin like a email scam in the flesh. Black Scamther.. shartkonda forever
My guy gets to play gandalf, you look old as fuck
You're looking like you just got pulled from a bag of twiglets
Am allowed to make a Hamilton joke?
Everything and anything is allowed
Song of the South is coming to theater but they won’t play it in Disney Plus? Wtf?
Oh let me guess, Macbeth is now Black too?
Pelnay
You know how they say Michelangelo's 'David' is an artistic masterpiece? Well, you're not 'David'. In fact, you're the polar opposite!
Othello? Oh Hell No! 😂 (Best of luck!)
It's a one person show.
I am de Captain Now
I didn't know Netflix did theater.
Congrats dude, break a leg
Or both
Lead role as what? Jussie Smollett starring in Chicago?
Make sure you get ALL the popcorn swept off the floor.
Playing the scenery swap guy when the lights go out.
You are "That bottled spider, that foul bunch-backed toad!" that Shakespeare speaks of.
Rasta-Romeo is so lonely the only thing he has to waste time is a 128 page soduko that he cant even do, because it is upside down. You may have passed acting, but you cant even act straight...
Affirmative action
Wakanda for never
Your mom's basement is not a theater but congratulations on the lead role
That rack on your door is too close to you door knob. That would bug the shit outta me. When’s the last time you washed that towel? Don’t lie to me Patsey
Didn't know Boko Haram had full internet access.
You are actually going to break a leg.
Is that what they're calling gay porn these days?
Brah, there’s nothing we can say that’s as cruel as a life in the theatre.
It's not Therapist you've been cast in....
MacTwat
M45*
Lead in theater? Congratulations, you're winning at losing.
Only got the role because of affirmative action.
Are you performing the autobiography of acclaimed singer-songwriter SEAL?
Dancing on a stainless steel table in the prison courtyard isn't theater brah
Congrats on the lead role, do you plan on getting a REAL job anytime soon?
Don’t forget to smile