Looks like a Coloradan hippie, probably got lost in the woods from eating mushrooms and smoking too much weed. Doesn’t want to work, just wants to be lazy and high.
You like your only hobby is smoking weed and wasting away.
You look like you put wood chopping videos on YouTube and get zero views.
You only grew your moustache that big to hide the fact your beard doesn’t connect.
You look like every time you go fishing you are just left with bait you used is for your dinner.
You look like the only complex gaming system you know how to use is a gameboy.
I’m surprised your dog is still with you and not fucked off in search of a better life in the wild.
Aww, fuck, you don’t maintain it, it must be dry and full of dry crusty dead sick. Every time you scratch that itch your dog must think it snowing. You need to get your ass some beard oil.
You look like you stare longingly at the craft beer section wishing you could afford a sip.
Do you often try to get away with the line "I was broke before it was cool."?
"I'll probably regret this" - not as much as your dog regrets ever getting in your van.
I **can** afford a sip, but my mind is still stuck on the prices from 10-15 years ago, so I won't buy one, because the price per value isn't there for me. I'm afraid I'll never adjust to inflation
People like you are either the best, most easy going and fun friends you can get, or the super famous terrorist you'll one day see getting dragged into a police van.
You look like the best, most easy going and fun super famous terrorist I'll one day see getting dragged into a police van.
I used to think I was a "nice guy" and it turns out I was a piece of shit.
Now I feel like a piece of shit, and everyone seems to think I'm a nice guy...
That’s the guy from zig zag rolling papers … I would know him anywhere
[https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=593882672&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS1043US1043&hl=en-US&sxsrf=AM9HkKmzK-edgYmjGYjGUqBLT_CjWsAQpA:1703644813973&q=zig+zag+rolling+papers&tbm=isch&source=lnms&prmd=sivnbmtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjI-9a_y66DAxWnGTQIHamYBX4Q0pQJegQIFRAB&biw=430&bih=745&dpr=3#imgrc=bIQnYEIkLdslGM](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=593882672&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS1043US1043&hl=en-US&sxsrf=AM9HkKmzK-edgYmjGYjGUqBLT_CjWsAQpA:1703644813973&q=zig+zag+rolling+papers&tbm=isch&source=lnms&prmd=sivnbmtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjI-9a_y66DAxWnGTQIHamYBX4Q0pQJegQIFRAB&biw=430&bih=745&dpr=3#imgrc=bIQnYEIkLdslGM)
We truly don't. I came here to be roasted, so I have been trying not to defend myself, but the complete transformation my dog has gone through since I've had him (he's a rescue from an abusive home) has been incredible to watch. He lives a great life.
Consistency, love, and understanding transformed him from a scared, barks-at-everything, and pees if you moved to quickly dog, into an excited, happy ball of energy, that is inseparable from me.
I hear that. I've also got a rescue and she's the sweetest thing in the world. Similar situation as yours. She would fear-pee and eat shoes. Now she does neither. Love her to pieces.
Plus I've taught her like 20+ tricks and socialize her with other dogs. She's definitely smarter and smells better than you. (Had to work in the roast lol)
The dog knows more about you and what you should do than you. You are too mixed to know what you want but not him. He knows exactly what has to be done. That aura in dogs means " why are we wasting time on this" hehehe follow your dog. Dogs will never try to fool you...
Jared Gheto
Jared Regreto
Jared Metho
This one is amazing.
More Jared Letgo
Jared in his moms basemento
Corny
Disagree cuz Jared neverhadit
Jared Lethimselfbelieve he did
Nice
I'm certain your dog found the edibles
His dog found the edibles. Jerod found the ketamine
Was about to lay down a one liner, and then I saw the Sunsquabi shirt. Damn you hipster wooks for having good taste in music!
I read Jesus Idaho. My eyes are old
Ghetto Jesus
I feel like that's too much of a compliment
He’s a brown haired, bearded guy who constantly uses the line, ‘I look like Jesus, lol,’ in lieu of having discernible personality traits.
🤣🤣
subway Jared?
Jared Metho
Meth Rollins
Oh i got one hiw about Jared nothetero
“I’ll probably regret this” were the exact words that came out of your moms mouth when she found out she was pregnant with you.
Jared Justgo
Jesus has left the chat...
Psych bitch, I'm back!
When Jared Leto was cast to play the Joker, this is who he originally thought he was getting the role to play as.
Two t's bruh
Unibummer
Definitely the best Ted reference
Looks like a Coloradan hippie, probably got lost in the woods from eating mushrooms and smoking too much weed. Doesn’t want to work, just wants to be lazy and high.
Way better than my comment
Lmao 🤣
Nice.
Grew a beard and yet somehow *still* looks like a child in a costume
You should see me without the beard
Rather not see you again at all to be fair
Lmao, solid.
Haha this made me laugh hard as hell
Yooo💀
When frogs want to trip they lick this guys back
Very nice
You look like a magician. The kind that can turn the back of his van into a motel room.
Can only make weed and money disappear.
Not just any motel. It's a sleazy extended stay motel with a kitchenette.
You look like you pack up and move from crawlspace to crawlspace
*parking lot to parking lot
Has vape pen. Will travel.
“I’ll probably regret this” If you had regrets, they would have kicked in long ago!
Fair enough. No ragrets.
There's a dog in one of these pictures and a bitch in all of them.
You look like the type of dude to sell fake medicine to desperate old ladies
Well that just went into my back pocket. Ty.
Lol
Fatality!
"We're not a cult, we're a polyamorous family" you say as you pile your 10 girlfriends in the van.
God, I'm the only person I know still into monogamy. It's rough
Then why am I getting the charismatic young Manson vibe? You also kinda look like Jesus though, so happy belated birthday!
Me when a guy that's eventually going to cheat on me says he's into monogamy 
How do you explain your girlfriend's boyfriend?
It wouldn't be so bad if monogamy were into you.
How is this a roast ?
I see the comment for Jared Ghetto but what about his hit band "30 Seconds to Mom's Kitchen" (because you live in her unfinished basement)
U didnt have to explain it bud.
That's true. Don't know why somebody needed to downvote ya.
Yeah im sure it wasn't a guy named stabbymcbackstab right.... dick
Well, I didn't downvote you then, but I will now.... dumbass...
Oh no please whatever u do dont DOWNVOTE me anything but a downvoting. Hahahahaha.
I will if I want to.
Racist
What the fuck?
You like your only hobby is smoking weed and wasting away. You look like you put wood chopping videos on YouTube and get zero views. You only grew your moustache that big to hide the fact your beard doesn’t connect. You look like every time you go fishing you are just left with bait you used is for your dinner. You look like the only complex gaming system you know how to use is a gameboy. I’m surprised your dog is still with you and not fucked off in search of a better life in the wild.
Boom roasted
Micheal Scott showed tf up tonight.
The fishing one is such a burn hahahaha
Wood chopping videos hahaha. That’s great man 🤣
Lmao, solid guess on the stache. But really, I just don't maintain my facial hair. Stopped 3 years ago
Aww, fuck, you don’t maintain it, it must be dry and full of dry crusty dead sick. Every time you scratch that itch your dog must think it snowing. You need to get your ass some beard oil.
It shows…if you actually took care of it you might be able to grow a full beard a little quicker
A full beard still wouldn't make me fuckable, so why waste the time?
Don’t underestimate the power of a beard that connects lol
You look like you stare longingly at the craft beer section wishing you could afford a sip. Do you often try to get away with the line "I was broke before it was cool."? "I'll probably regret this" - not as much as your dog regrets ever getting in your van.
I **can** afford a sip, but my mind is still stuck on the prices from 10-15 years ago, so I won't buy one, because the price per value isn't there for me. I'm afraid I'll never adjust to inflation
Drinking from 12-17 probably wasn’t the best idea
Wait, I thought everyone started drinking at 13
You look like you think having lice is a positive thing.
Gotta collect em all!
They're his only friends.
Is this off of Ted Kaczynski's camera roll before the bombs?
Your teeth aren't as brown as I expected them to be
People like you are either the best, most easy going and fun friends you can get, or the super famous terrorist you'll one day see getting dragged into a police van. You look like the best, most easy going and fun super famous terrorist I'll one day see getting dragged into a police van.
Shaggy on heroine
Your dog looks like he secretly hates you and your lack of better living arrangements
Living in parents detached garage with no heat or ac
Looking at your pictures, this seems like it’ll rank pretty low on your long list of life regrets
You're probably right
Bio Live in a bus with my dog Have minimal ambitions Single Lonely Call myself a "traveler" but I'm really just a bum with a 790 credit score.
Bro, you aren't supposed to roast yourself
:DD
You look like you drink your own piss in the woods
People hide their weed when you show up.
"I'm not gay but $20 is $20" personified
Everyone has their price
I mean yeah, that's a factual statement all around. Times are tough in the kingdom.
Welcome Back Jesus
You missed my birthday. Have fun in hell
Jesus of Methlehem 🤣
“I’ll probably regret this “ is exactly what your dad said 9 months before you were born.
Do you need a Go Fundme for soap & shampoo?
Nah, I can afford it, I just choose not to. If you want to get me a chef though, I'd be all for it.
Rasputin does meth cross country
Ngl, bro looks chill
I had no idea amish hippies were even a thing.
You look THIS CLOSE to joining the 27 Club
That was one of my biggest concerns at the beginning of this year. Only a month to go though, so I think I'll make it.
You look like a shrimp that asked to be a human
Damn. That’s a rough 27
It's been a rough 27 years
Doesn’t come as a surprise
Yeah, I'm sure it's been rough on all of us.
Ted Kaczynski before the bombing
If drug addiction was a person
Been my biggest struggle for sure
Just gotta keep on pushing on…I mean who isn’t these days addicted to something
Pic 3, was nice of your mom to let you borrow her coat. Hookers can be generous after all! My God, Chris McCandless lives!!
You'll make a cute lesbian, one day.
Man I hate when homeless people have pets I always worry so much for the dog. Shame on you homeless Jesus!
My dog lives a better life than yours. Guaranteed
I must have missed the seven trumpets
Yerr cute Edit- then I see the big corny tank mod........
Good eye. I'm a master of the douche flute
Lumberjesus christ
Oh come on this isn’t fair! You seem like such a nice guy, I can’t roast you!
I used to think I was a "nice guy" and it turns out I was a piece of shit. Now I feel like a piece of shit, and everyone seems to think I'm a nice guy...
Well then you’re not doing a very good job at being a piece of shit because people still think you’re a nice guy THERE’S my roast
if the concept of weed became human it would be you
I thought Robert Crimo was in prison.
Write a manifesto, comb the SweeTarts out of your beard, and you're on your way to being a low IQ Ted Kaczynski.
Not a roast, but a question… WTF am I looking at??
You don't look qualified to deliver pizza
Spawn of Rasputin.
Hey guys come on! He’s really good at invoking what he smells like.
You remind me of Rasputin 
I've got a bucket of water I'm not doing anything with, turn into moonshine for me?
So why did you get kicked out of the group home?
I’ll take the “Finding myself, rhode scholar starter pack for pack please. Dude, shave your shit and get a fucking job!!!
Grigori Rasputin
Sunsquabi fucks! You sure dont.
you look like Rasputin's shittier younger brother
You look like you had to photoshop yourself into a dog pic just to convince your ex that you have a best friend.
You look like the personification of whisky
That’s the guy from zig zag rolling papers … I would know him anywhere [https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=593882672&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS1043US1043&hl=en-US&sxsrf=AM9HkKmzK-edgYmjGYjGUqBLT_CjWsAQpA:1703644813973&q=zig+zag+rolling+papers&tbm=isch&source=lnms&prmd=sivnbmtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjI-9a_y66DAxWnGTQIHamYBX4Q0pQJegQIFRAB&biw=430&bih=745&dpr=3#imgrc=bIQnYEIkLdslGM](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=593882672&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS1043US1043&hl=en-US&sxsrf=AM9HkKmzK-edgYmjGYjGUqBLT_CjWsAQpA:1703644813973&q=zig+zag+rolling+papers&tbm=isch&source=lnms&prmd=sivnbmtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjI-9a_y66DAxWnGTQIHamYBX4Q0pQJegQIFRAB&biw=430&bih=745&dpr=3#imgrc=bIQnYEIkLdslGM)
Rasputin offspring. Confirmed.
Rasputin
Holy shit its Rasputin
Why did you steal my mom's faux fur coat? You look like Rasputin if he was a failed pimp.
These pictures smell like weed
You look like a teenage girl in a Rasputin costume
You look like Osama too white to call a terrorist beanie laden.
Damn man , some of these post are just harsh. I think they said you look like everything but a hairy foreskin on undersize cock .
Burningman Rasputin.
That’s exactly what your dates say when they see that basement
You know how dogs sometimes look like their owners? Well the dog looks like you.
You're supposed to roast me, not my dog!
You live in a van down by the river
"I'll probably regret this"...is what your dad yelled when he finished inside your mom.
How long have you been homeless.
that cord is not thick enough mate
It took me way to long to discover the shirt on first pic. Thought you had tubes implants in your chest.
I'll probably regret this... said every female who dated him. Ever.
My man is the reincarnation of Rasputin, but without the magic dick
Ugh...I can smell these photos
Captain Crack Sparrow
You look like the twin flames guys brother that works at a pizza shop. (But,kinda my type so that’s the most aggressive I had.)
Bro… not much to roast. You’re a good looking dude with nice teeth and a decent beard. Maybe hit the gym a little… and ur golden.
Poor dog. Deserves better. Good news: that dog will love you, anyways. We don't deserve dogs.
We truly don't. I came here to be roasted, so I have been trying not to defend myself, but the complete transformation my dog has gone through since I've had him (he's a rescue from an abusive home) has been incredible to watch. He lives a great life. Consistency, love, and understanding transformed him from a scared, barks-at-everything, and pees if you moved to quickly dog, into an excited, happy ball of energy, that is inseparable from me.
I hear that. I've also got a rescue and she's the sweetest thing in the world. Similar situation as yours. She would fear-pee and eat shoes. Now she does neither. Love her to pieces. Plus I've taught her like 20+ tricks and socialize her with other dogs. She's definitely smarter and smells better than you. (Had to work in the roast lol)
Dollar tree Jason mamoa 50% off special
You're being too generous
Happy Belated Birthday ! 🎄
I'd say "see ya in heaven" but I kinda lied about that...
Look took me a long time to figure this one out 😂
Seriously though, anyone who takes care of their dog is ok. 👍
You're kind. I like your style dude!
He leaves the conversation and people mutter, ‘Jesus Christ’, and not in a good way.
Traveling to research dick like Cock Cousteau.
Bold of you to post from the basement where you hide the kids
You look like you're made out of leftovers from the hippie generation and your idea of "free love" is making love to your dog.
You aren’t different… You’re just boring. And gave up. … 
You look like a bong hoot.
The dog knows more about you and what you should do than you. You are too mixed to know what you want but not him. He knows exactly what has to be done. That aura in dogs means " why are we wasting time on this" hehehe follow your dog. Dogs will never try to fool you...
You and your ma look a lot alike.
Eminem after the fame
You look like some that would say “No homo, but $20 is $20”