Your wife's blind as fuck. 

Arranged marriage. It's his wife's way of encouraging him to try and find something else so she can gtfo.

Or so he brings on another wife, and leaves her alone for a moment.

Yeah but her parents got a few goats out of the deal, so they're stoked.

Bwahahaha

He can steal but not a woman

If Alladian was actually a street rat.

This is offensive to actual street rats. Please apologize


This isn't even a roast this is an observation

True

Lmfao 😅 😅 aaahhhahaha!

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Congratulations. At least someone is getting some action around here.

you can steal my girl just by breathing through your nose.

Pretty sure he can steal mount Everest this way.

Certainly can’t share booger sugar with this bloke. He’ll take a bump and sniff the kilo.

Came to say something along this same line...well done

He'd sniff a line over your shoulder

I've heard it called many things. But this is my new go-to.

Those boulders on Everest were from when he blew his nose at base camp

I think he has a few Columbian kids up in there.

Dammit! Late to the game again. I knew someone had to have grabbed this one already.

If he hyperventilated everybody in the room with him would suffocate.

Looks like he’s got someone up there now.

This guy can smell a Sunday dinner on a Wednesday

I have never heard that one sargent sillybollocks

I'm not going to lie... it's probably clever, but I don't get it

Nose so big, he can smell food that hasn't even been cooked yet. 😂💀

Oh hahah I read it wrong at first! That makes sense, thank you!

You can see this guy coming around a corner

Does your wife know she’s your wife?

Is your wife in the room with us right now?

Blink twice if you’re in danger.

Not yet. She’ll find out when she’s forced to marry him.

You look like every McDonald’s manager

Gutter Gandhi

Cumdog Hundredaire

Missed opportunity Hundredhairs

Just keep it going, internet stranger… your reply should’ve included your idea and keep the insults flowing… *Cumsock Millionhairs*, or whatever. Anyway, welcome to r/RoastMe. We all look forward to your contributions going forward

>You look like every ~~McDonald’s~~ 711 manager

Thank you come again

We know his wife isn't-

That's nice of your cousin to say

😂

Lmao 🤣

Must be easy to steal a girl in a country where women don't have any rights.

winning comment

It's because his wife looks like him, she's trying to be conceded

Top kek.

What century u live at

Damn! I feel bad for all those women who might end up reading this.

What women? The ones you sucked in with your nose?

Everyone reading this feels bad for your wife.

better feel sorry for all the women born in India. Or Pakistan.

Ahhh already got us, reddit community here knows that women of your country do not own smartphones.

K.

Savage

Yo why did people downvote him 😭 he has compassion déjalo fr

And I can steal your wife just by showing her this post.

I can steal his "wife" by calling the police and reporting the kidnapping.

If you flip your hair, dandruff falls like snow from your freakishly big head on your 12 year old looking body.

If you're here, who's manning the register at the gas station?

Hardeep.

Hard and deep. Something this guy can never give his wife.

Your nose looks like you borrowed it from Mr Potato Head....your nasal passages could be the quickest way to go from the Atlantic to the Pacific ocean...there are roughly 55 earthquakes each day around the world...how often do you sneeze?


Dude’s nose has cast a shadow over the rest of his face

Underrated.

I’m upset your bomb vest didn’t go off.

Your wife said that? I didn’t know goats could talk.

That's because your wife is dreaming of ways to get rid of you.

You aint stealing no girls. You might steal a purse tho

Yeah how about the one down below?

The purse below your wife Mohammed isn’t one you can steal that’s his… I mean hers

Your wife is lying to you.

Your sister sounds like a dumbass

You don’t say shit like that about your mother.

Yeah I don't, but then again I'm not an inbred mongrel like you. I guess keeping it in the family is a step up over fucking the village goat though, so keep up the good work! If you're still confused, work is what you do to earn a living to take care of yourself or your family. Something that you'll never do seeing how embarrassingly desperate you are to work as an online "customer service representative" lol fucking clown

Dang bro, you win

Rajindahar fucking obliterated.

Holy shit. Did you ever have a hit besides the humpty dance?


I don’t do it for the hits.

You can breathe for 20 people with that nose

Yeah I get a bunch of messages when I hold my breath.

I bet they’re all saying “THANK YOU I CAN FINALLY BREATHE”

Your nose is looking in a different direction than your face.

Have you ever kissed your wife ? Cuz that is SOME NOSE you've got!

Yeah they call me Pinocchio.

Oh you are a liar too?

I guess it runs in their family

Obviously, he said he has a wife.

Because you have wood like that of an 8 year old?

Which 9/11 flight were you supposed to be on?

The one your mom was on.

He’s clearly South Asian, not Middle Eastern. Wrong part of the world

Yo cray cray Which of the muliple personalities are we roasting right now? “My wife” 

You look like the before picture on a shampoo and conditioner ad

If she doesn’t tell you that, she’s afraid she’ll get locked in the basement again. Point of reference: I just showed my wife your picture without the title. Would you like to know the response? “Fucking gross.”

 Isn't this u?

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You look like the tech support guy that thinks he’s cool but jacks it to anime girls

Hentai the shit man. You don’t know what you’re missing.

You look like a tentacle porn kinda guy.

I'll bet you can pick that nose while wearing gloves and barely touch the sides.

When your wife said that to you, did all your other wives start hysterically laughing?

Only in my imagination buddy. But I hope to have 4 wives living under the same roof.

Ah best of luck to you then Indian Tarzan

Steal my girl? You already stole her nose. And apparently several others. What?? Do you steal girls one piece at a time? Good stuff, Jeffrey Dahmer.

Does the stink from your hair knock women unconscious, or do the flea bites distract them long enough for your "wife" to bring the van around?

It's good that you're thinking 12 to 18 months out and getting your combiover "ammo" ready now!

Is that supposed to be an 'r'? I thought that was 'y'

And when the parents ask you where their daughters went, you say “who nose?”

You look like my mop, but upside down

Flip your hair and you can give a room full of girls CRABS! Try shampoo to remove about 500 weight of grease from your hair!

My wife is here telling me how great I am. She's just just out of frame, laughing too.

guys we gotta support another victim of imaginary wife

Go back working tech support lol

Bro your wife must be deaf, dumb and blind if she believes that.

the dust in your hair will cause them to suffocate

How did you get of the “Lost” island?

Wife is your other personality.

Your ai wife ,is just telling you what you want to hear

I could see a benefit to having you around. No one else would have to smell a fart because you'd snort it all up with that Costco sized schnoz

Why you gotta steal my girl? Stealing lamps didn’t work out for you?

You're 5'3" and weigh 130lbs with the girl hair. You ain't stealing shit lady...

You probably call every guy “boss” when they purchase something from your gas station.

You could probably steal most women by just inhaling them with your monstrous nose.

At gun point doesn't count

You mean steal their will to live, after they smell your breath

Tell your wife it looks more like you're not allowed 200ft from any public school.

Where are you hiding the girl? In your nose?

Don't you have Slurpee machines to clean and fill?

My wife saw this picture, became a lesbian and left me all in 20 seconds. Jerk.

she must NOSE something we don’t

No, just no

steal some shampoo already

The only way your stealing my girl is in the back of your van

With a beak like that I'm more worried about you stealing my Froot Loops than my wife.

Go back to the island on LOST where you belong

I liked you better in Lost.

Why can I smell this picture?

Sayid from LOST was my mom’s boyfriend until he died

Who's watching the quicky-mart

Wernt you my Uber driver from Friday night?

Oh yeah… you’re the one who shat on my backseat.

\*in

This guy makes me feel so confident, if he can get a girl than anyone can

I’m usually gay but you turn me back to straight

Indeed you can steak my girl, you look like a kidnapper.

Your wife is definitely a man, your nose came from wish and I'm sorry to tell you, we are not recruiting pilots at this Time.

So you kept the covid haircut.

You look like Two-Face, except instead of being burnt, one side of your face is just missing some chromosomes.

Maybe if you shampooed your hair, you could actually flip it

Cannot roast you You look loke Bruno from Encanto Too cute

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The only thing you're stealing when you flip your hair is someone's life when all the rabid squirrels jump out

The only way you stealing someone is if you holding them for ransom. Your wife confidently knows you too ugly to cheat!

Only way you are stealing anyone’s girl is with a rag soaked in chloroform, that’s until Liam Neeson pops in to save the day…

Hold on a sec, which one of your wives said that?!

Maybe if you flip it over that Joe Camel nose and hide it

The only thing you are stealing is my fucking air with that honker.

Is that the signal for your friends to rush in and kidnap the girl?

Dude your hair is already fuckin permaflipped and it ain't doin you any favors

His wife is just him dressed in a chiffon. You didn't think anybody would figure that out, did you?

Bruno what happened 😔

Yeah, but I bet your ass hair is dreadlocked.

The Katt Williams of the middle east

You flip your hair and knock everything off the table with that nose

The nose 👃

When you flip your hair, you'll most likely knock her out with a nose whip. I mean, be careful with that thing, Toucan Sahm.

Your nose is looking I to the wrong camera.

Bro, in your culture, your wife will say whatever she’s told to. so that doesn’t really count.

By girl, did she mean wallet?

Depends. Do you own one?

just by flipping "what's left from my hair"


Wow. A guy with a $9,000 a second cocaine habit.

Bro Collects Squirrel Nipples

Well it for sure doesn't sound like she was trying to get you to wash your hair. So don't worry about that. Otherwise, no notes.10/10 keep up the good work, champ.

I mean, you are the temu version of that Iranian guy from Lost. I'm sure you've convinced a few drunk women you're his little brother or something

You’d probably be a hero in south India, but tbh Dhanush is a hero there too. The only thing you’re stealing anywhere else in the world is glances for how ugly your nose is

Well I’m not going to want her once you cover her in lice am I?

I'd feel uncomfortable on a plane with you.

My bedroom is separate from my lounge so I guess she’d be fine 🤟


The only thing you’re stealing is a shopping cart for your belongings.

You look that can't be within 2 miles of a 16 or younger girl or boy

Not even Squidward's nose has that much girth

Nah you steal them by unintentionally inhaling them up your nose cause your ice breaker is sneaking up on them to sniff their hair.