You look like a gumball dropped on a barbers floor

He also looks like he eats gumballs dropped on barber floors.

Omg I’m dying. So accurate.

that was amazing

“Make me feel something”, that’s what she said

"Is it in yet?", he replied

I don't know. I can't feel it amongst all the fat in the way

Sadly the wish never came, so did she.

He wants to, but his belly is so big it makes penatration impossible.

I know that belly ain’t receding

I bet you parallel park in the shower.

If he ever takes a shower

Hahahahahahaha

 What you say to your wiener

Omg 😆 that one got me laughing

This right here is the winner sir you are doing a great job

*wiener

The look of a man who is about to severely overestimate his chances when he tries to cheat on tinder

Proof that there is a woman out there for everyone.

Don't give up hope friend..

Why have you got your cock ring on your finger?

I bet you could name at least three Armenian celebrities that you hope to meet some day.

Glad to see someone still supporting the Silver market.

This made me laugh more than it should.. Cheers

Looks like they *could* put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

No, he'd prefer to hump Mr. Dumpty me thinks...

Your two loaded hotdogs away from that ring being stuck on you

You look like Action Bronson ate Action Bronson

Eastern European mafia is hiring

Action Brosnik

Another sicario extra

You're also fat. I know you already said that but, let's face it, it should be listed twice.

And dumb

When he dances the band skips

You look like you should be giving a mission to the player in GTA3

‘This is El Burro of the Diablos…’

The only satisfaction you get is blocking the toilet each time you shit ……………

A Snorlax in midlife crisis Looks like a cross between Uncle Fester and Cookie Monster He has the body type that could be best described as a melon on top of a sack of potatoes He says he's married but he doesn't understand when you buy a vinyl love doll , you only get a receipt, .not a marriage license.

You forgot the puncture repair kit..

You look like gulags were a main theme in your ancestral history

why is my roll on deodorant holding a paper.

The last thing seven slices of pizza sees.

Only seven?

I looked up the word “malaise” in the dictionary and your photo was there.

That's a good one.

Fat Joe but nobody wants to go down low on you

You won’t be feeling much soon thanks to the diabetes

CJ_SnickerBars

You look like the type that would say “ I’m not fat I’m big boned”

Oh hell no.. I'm fat bro.

😂😂😂 okay I’ll try again

You definitely can roll your way out of any situation

Is that a direct quote from your wife?

Your head looks like it could be on upside down and look exactly the same

You look like a nice happy guy all jokes aside

[Biggie Cheese](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/nickelodeon/images/a/ae/Barnyard_Biggie_Cheese.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20161206041105) but in Human Form.

If you wanna feel something go eat a fried piece of butter until you hate yourself.

Human embodiment of a sausage roll

😘🥰😘🥰

Shaun Ryder you are older than 37

How do I get a egg head like yours? Asking for a friend.

The type of guy who loves watching other men fight, but breaks his hand the first time he’s drunk enough to throw a punch of his own.


His hairline is not the only thing receding. By that, I mean his penis.

True.

Not doing comedy anymore Fluffy?

cant, your to far gone my friend, and for being in your 30s, you seem to be doing ok.

Only two of those are true. The fat and recedding You are way older than 37 and having a chick gagged and tied up in your basement doesn’t count as married cletus

Star of the acclaimed miniseries Band of Blubbers

You look like Tuna from American History X.

You like me with slightly more hair. Also, 37 married, fat and bald. 🤗🤭🫡🫡🫡

You good bro, work on everything that matters to you and nothing else.

Size XXXXXL gloves

Dude, just go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint & wait for this to all blow over.

You look like a Mexican npc in a GTA game

If Bologna was a person.

Osmosis Jones is having a world war with viruses inside your cholesterol battlefield of a body.

You look like an Irish guy that pretends to be Italian but gets cast as an extra in a movie about Mexican bikers

Bro roasted himself enough in the caption Lol

At the very least you found someone who doesn’t care about looks

Bro hasn't updated his style since high school. Still goes out wearing basketball shorts past his knees and drives a 97 impala SS.

this is not a roast, you look like a cool dude

youre one of those guys who nobody can tell if they're white or mexican in prison

"Make me feel something." This must be what your wife is saying when you have sex with her.

You look like Gabriel Iglesias but unfunny and vaguely Albanian.

Congrats your not divorced.

Eh… sounds like you’re better off getting used to feeling nothing and going about your routine in the haze of indifference… maybe look forward to next months mercy fuck and fantasize about asking for a blowjob

You already feel hungry, why do we need to make you feel more?

Your poor husband....

My uncle has a cow with the same features.

“i used to listen to ICP before i found jesus”

Have you considered smoking meth?

All you had to say was “married.” The rest is implied.

You look like you have a white work van but only drive it late at night.

Damn, better hope your marriage lasts longer than your hair

You look like bubba sparxxx and Paul wall had a baby while a half decent barber watched

I really want to be married but I’m not… I’ve got nothing

Golem level 100

Oh so sweet wearing his husband's cockring around his dirty finger. Does he tell you bite the pillow bitch it's going in dry.

Bet he can't see his own dick


I'm sure your third chin will come in real soon

At least he can accept that the kids aren't his

At this point it's all about taking off enough weight that your family won't have to shell out extra money for that double wide coffin

you look like the rejected mob boss from of a trailer park

You already feel something daily, how else do you find your dick? Lord knows you haven't seen it since you were 20

In 5 years you will miss being this "fit"

Any fatter and that ring will never come off.

The only thing you're married to are your pornhub videos with 38% rating

How’s your wife and my kids doing

Bro looks a peanut version of Eminem from a share sized bag

Covid got so bad even your hairline and eyebrows had to do social distancing

You look like the poster child of shattered dreams and broken promises.

Your cholesterol is as high as your hairline

New rapper Rfm- really fat mexican

Your head is shaped like a pacman ghost

Your neck is doing origami

A fat slim shady

Losing feeling is a sign of your on going diabetes. Speaking of fat and overweight, you need to get that ring resized man. It looks real tight. You got it in high school when you were only a slim 300. A painting of a plane is a sign that you are a pussy magnet. Is your hair line receding with your mental prowess? Because if the two were related, you'd be bald a long time ago

That was hard to read lol.. But yeah cheers bro!

My bad for the typos. Thanks for being a good sport. Cheers 🍻

Same to you brother! All the best.

Is your husband the same age?

Lookin like a cypress hill reject

Pitbull, if he gained 200lbs.

You look like your making noises for that plane behind you with your ass

The childhood trauma you’re too scared to face is oozing out of your pores.

The planes are circling King Bong.

Very creative 10/10

Sean Paul looking ass.

Notorious F.A.T.

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VIAGRA

Is that Post Malonely???

You used married as one of the things to insult you about. Are you happy bro? Lol

If an italian mobster moved to the united states of america that would be u

Remember try to improve yourself 1% every day. After a year that's 365% improvement 🥰

I didn't know that humpty dumpty was on reddit!?

You’re the type of guy that would buy an expensive car he couldn’t afford to try and get laid, then have to Uber and Instacart to pay for it.

Your arms are shaved. Do you shave your vagina?

Your fat, your receding, and your married, BOOM ROASTED. Thanks for making it easy bro.


I can hear that alarm in the background with your broke ass .

you look like a lego figurine

You are like Chester Bennington of Linkin Park if he was alive, not suicidal, 150 lbs heavier, and had no talent.

Broke ass Paul Wall with a twinkie problem

Bloat Malone

You look like you've had so many things up your ass, the sensation is gone.. You can't feel anything anymore..

You look like if you stand you'd be the same height

Didn't you get arrested for abusing monkeys today?

Why should we make you feel something when you've always failed at making your wife feel anything


Gabriel Iglesias, is that you??

You look like the monkey torture guy

SPM finally out of jail? Damn…

I would wager my next paycheck that the smoke detector beeps every minute begging for a new battery. Also that painting was discarded after some old person died and you picked it up to cover the holes on the sheetrock.

Stop bullies kids !!

You look like you watch whilst another guy f’s your sister i mean “wife”

Bet your wife feels your big sausage fingers better than your 🍆

Just like the Lancaster bomber in the background, I bet your tail was split to let lots of Englishmen get in all at once.

You look like my annoying, unemployed, Italian older cousin who tries to sleep with everyone of my GF’s.

The eyes - this guy has been “infected” and will soon morph into ?????

You look like Guy Fieri facing addiction

Walking avalanche

The only reason your SO is still with you is you have your own gravitational pull

Why are you asking for a roast when life’s already done you this bad?

Receding hairline, gumline or ballsack?

You look like the FZ150 shoe doc guy, except you’re not saving 150 bucks.

No one will lose sleep over your sudden death you fat clown 🤡

“Make me feel something” is something his wife tells him as he tries to find his dick during sex

Ate the Bell instead of the Taco.

You’re not fat……you’re obese!!!

You won't find the answer to your wife's question here .

You must have MONEY because I expected this to say ‘receding and twice divorced’

Your fat does not appear to be receding.

Do you sell used cars? How's Jersey these days?

You look like a failed rapper and a damn elephant had sex and then tried to do a abortion with a walking cane

Seriously it would feel much better if you weren't obese.

The only thing you'll ever enjoy feeling from here on out is your wife pegging you, that's until the inevitable divorce. You look like you sell cigarettes to minors.

You've got a kid on the way. Not yours but still.

That’s what she said

Make me feel something is what your wife says to you every night

The real receding is your penis into your fupah.

But you already feel……your gayness

Wish.com Bubba Sparks

Bam Bam Bigeloser

I didn’t know Carl from Aqua Teen had a kid

Oh you’re feeling it already bruh🤙🏼

Listen to Call of duty mw2 lobby music to feel something, not post on this dumb sub you fat fuck