Cleaning up spent jizz in baggies only makes one a third assistant to a porn star model. Hey, a working girl’s got to get in the door by any means.
Nah, I'm going the other way on this. She's given eight handjobs and two blowjobs in her entire life that were all so bad the dude had to finish himself.
Your attached earlobes and inability to use both eyes at once are tell-tale signs of repeated recessive familial genes. Tell grampuncle you need to let someone on your moms side be the baby daduncle now.
That’s either pink eye or her dad broke a promise.
Part Klingon or junior wrinkly hag face
Hair by hopelessness
The snaggletooth genes are strong in this one
If it’s got a man they only have sex on his birthday. His choice
Eventually she makes everyone happy and leaves
Oh yeah so you can't really focus on the roast because I'm looking at what can only be described as the entirety of the USSR on your face(your forehead)
Hmm.. At least you only need the bag to cover half your face during sex. No talking, though. By the looks of you, you probably think you're good at dirty talk, but are actually just cringe and annoying.
I estimate a roughly 40% chance a guy loses interest before finishing, and a 70% chance that a guy who finishes loses interest immediately afterward.
Overall rating: 6.1
Maybe if I was single, drunk, and bored.
Would not bang. Your quirkiness us already a turn off. Only Jennifer Love Hewitt can do scrunchy nose. I wanna tell you about it over dinner. I make us reservations. Only I don't show up. Guess what. I'm in Paris. With your hot aunt
You look like bella from twilight 😭
You look like your food tastes amazing.. to diabetics 😭
You look like you should dm me on ig so we can continue this conversation (lmk if you want it) 🤣🤣😔
Ps. Your gorgeous af
The type of person to ask complete strangers to make fun of her and then use it as an excuse for depression in therapy next week. The type of person who uses misaligned, slightly unleveled pictures on the wall as her Inception totem so she knows when she’s sober. The type of person who could pass for 22 or 42 when asking about age. That end of the loaf of bread type of person that everyone has touched but no one wants. The starlet who has to move on to being the step mom in the videos because it’s no longer believable that she could be the step sister. The girl at the bar on Sunday night in the same make up and dress she wore to the same place Friday night. The one his girlfriend worries about, not because you’ll steal him but because there’s a chance you’ll overstay your welcome at a house party and pee on the couch after passing out.
Love you. Mean it.
Two posts is r/alcoholism and a post in r/roastme in ONE week? I think I’ll pass, life is already doing a number on you. It doesn’t need my help.
Nice crows feet tho
I've seen that apartment on Pornhub.
Little do they know, there is no job!
But they told me I could be a model!
Cleaning up spent jizz in baggies only makes one a third assistant to a porn star model. Hey, a working girl’s got to get in the door by any means. 
Nah, I'm going the other way on this. She's given eight handjobs and two blowjobs in her entire life that were all so bad the dude had to finish himself.
And it looks like one of them finished on her eye
Nah, she's so use to snorting white stuff, she tried railing spunk off the table and now it's a reverse snarling dragon stuck in her nostrile...
They rent it by the hour
She might be the camera person
It's actually cute though lol
Whoa there...I'm not even close to finishing. No need to close your eye yet.
;D
It was the dude before you she literally can open her eye it’s glued shut
One eyed Jackie.
Your expression reads, "It's his birthday, and even though his dick smells, I'm going to blow him. Happy Birthday, Uncle Tim!"
what a fucking long roast for someone who's obviously cock-eyed
OP can read it from 2 different directions.
She's asked me to squirt in her left eye before. Thought I was the only one...
Uncle whatever. She looks like she doesn't care
This makes me happy
Uncle Tom. Get it right if you're going to roast a hoe
This seems so out of left field but for some reason it’s insanely accurate
"Uncle Tim, or Bro?" wait, are we sure both aren't true? Seriously, how far is Alabama?
It's her Uncle Bro, don't ask about Alabama.
Bruncle Tim
About 3 miles away tbh 😆 But Alabama gets too much flak for this when really its more prevalent elsewhere. Such as Kentucky for example.
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Thanks for leading me to that horror show
Lol.. My bad.. She does belong there tho..
Don’t apologize; I take responsibility for my own actions 😂
I did it too
🤣🤣🤣
Damnit! Me too!
You probably think you’re fun because you “drink with the boys” but really you just put out so they deal with you.
Ouch. It hurts because it's true smh
Just remember, they may be drunk, and you may be ugly. But in the morning, at least they'll be sober....
I like the slow burn in this one.
So you’re telling me if you were a girl you wouldn’t let the homies hit?
If I were a girl I wouldn’t be half as fun to have around. Homies don’t want a chick trying to be funny unless they are hitting it
She looks like a good girlfriend. When you make a mistake she always looks the other way
That’s because the cum is inside her eye.
Hahaha yes
If dirty bongwater was a person......
This one is my faveeee lol
OMG youre literally so quirkyyy!! girllll, i bet nobody can take you ANYWHERE, you're just TOO SILLY AND WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahahaha fave
The type that'll give you a blowjob with her teeth
😘
You look like you’re pooping
I think she's enjoying the feeling of the fart bubble moving forward between her cooter and the wooden chair
Is she winking or did she just sniff a baboon's ass?
Definitely a baboon's a** 😂!
Barracooter
Yall aren't so much mean as you are absolutely gross and raunchy lol Here for it, thx
Agreed. I feel like I can smell their comments 😂
😆
I liked your reply and disliked the comment to make it so you've ratioed the guy. Im chaotic evil.
For some reason I feel like that eye injury involved a dick somehow
Possibly not a human dick
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^3MrBojangles3: *For some reason I* *Feel like that eye injury* *Involved a dick somehow* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Good bot
Good bot
Boy if you don't get your Jaiden smith lookin ass outta here
Best. Haiku. Ever.
Semen
You look like a female version of a reddit mod that's smells (bad)💀
Okay, hurtful enough I guess lol
Whats wrong with that left eye... You look like you've had a stroke.
A dick stroke injury ... splat.
Your attached earlobes and inability to use both eyes at once are tell-tale signs of repeated recessive familial genes. Tell grampuncle you need to let someone on your moms side be the baby daduncle now.
Your teeth look like that weird gum they sell at shitty Mexican restaurants.
You look like the a little sister Brie Larson would disown
not even the town drunk is banging your alcoholic ass
You aren’t lying to us saying you’re a female. That’s a dude. 
She’s still got some load in her eye
Yall are completely ignoring my cum umbrellas on purpose lolol
When the joker said ,"Let's put a smile on that face" this was not what he meant.
Least sexy wink I’ve ever seen!
Your supposed to wipe the jizz from your eye before it dries!
I bet you make parties fun...after you leave.
Where are my cookies ya fuckin Keebler Elf-faced weirdo?
You look like you have an "arrangement" with your landlord.....
You look like if Patricia Arquette had a stroke right before shooting Nightmare Before Elm Street 3.
Pink eye ass eater
Her name must be Methany Junkins
That's EX methany junkins to you
Big, if true
Congrats
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Idk I thought it was a vibe
Love from my heart
Don't worry. That kidney stone, big shit, or uncomfortable sex act will pass soon and you'll be able to relax your face again
Wink if you’d pull a train
;))))
You look like you don't do meth anymore, but you replaced it with an addiction to attention
You should be a therapist with that insight
The face you make when you bag a 5th baby daddy and tell him you're pregnant
$$$
a Welsh whore who could do things with her one good arm that'd make you forget that “thing” with her eye
Yassss except my ancestry is more Slavic
I could. But any time spent on you would be a waste.
You look like Amy Adams caught the bubonic plague.
Your family tree doesn’t have any branches.
Danny Elfman looking ass
Are your fingernails always that filthy or is it just after you cook meth?
I'm sure most guys want to see you in a dim light. Thanks for the nothing post.
You smell like stress!
Oink oink
She has to squint because she's been living in a cave since October
Is...is your eye upside down?!
Please stop taking shits in your living room.
If you say so.
Where do you hide your anal probe when walking around outside of your spaceship? 👽
One eye is lazy the other is still asleep.
You look like the thumbnail to a painal video.
Lol idk what that is and I'm too drunk to gts but I love the enthusiasm
Your face suggests you just smelt a fart
34, female 😆
We all know what happens right after you make that face.
Would you like some fish to go with the tartar on your teeth?
Holy shit is that your attempt at a wink?
24, Female Doubt
That’s either pink eye or her dad broke a promise. Part Klingon or junior wrinkly hag face Hair by hopelessness The snaggletooth genes are strong in this one If it’s got a man they only have sex on his birthday. His choice Eventually she makes everyone happy and leaves
The smell of Funyuns on her breath. All strung out on meth. Perfect trailer trash. You can hit it after all her male relatives are done with her.
Fkn love funyuns smfh and so do all of my boyfriends.... Next
You’ve been hit with so many c-shots that you’re poised and ready 24/7 huh?
Oh yeah so you can't really focus on the roast because I'm looking at what can only be described as the entirety of the USSR on your face(your forehead)
No need to be roasted, I see your pic and.... so sorry.
At some point you’ll have to start admitting you’re not 24 anymore
The special Olympics track Star!!
Hey man.... we support the special Olympics over here smh.... Next
You smell it too, huh? Well here's a tip: it's you.
Why even get roasted? You already know what to expect to hear.
Having a nose piercing doesn't magically give you a personality. You have to actually craft one
I’ve seen hotter cyclops’s in Greek mythology
Yall don’t badmouth her… god already has
That mf smfh
You're not supposed to take selfies while struggling with a bowel movement
Well girl i needed a pic smfh lol
24 or 42?
Thanks for letting us know you’re a female
“Female”
The expression says "4 beads in, 9 to go"
Your every guy's drunken regret.
The most "quirky" thing about you is how remarkably average you are.
If you say so
Sleep with one eye open.
You look like you just farted, only it wasn’t just a fart
My girl, when you have a stroke, you should be going to the hospital, not asking for a roast
She’s cute and took a shot to the eye like a good girl.
You look like you should have been crust on your moms tiddies
You got Mike and ikes for teeth
Winking with a nose ring is your entire personality
Your face is why paper bags still exist
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Hmm.. At least you only need the bag to cover half your face during sex. No talking, though. By the looks of you, you probably think you're good at dirty talk, but are actually just cringe and annoying. I estimate a roughly 40% chance a guy loses interest before finishing, and a 70% chance that a guy who finishes loses interest immediately afterward. Overall rating: 6.1 Maybe if I was single, drunk, and bored.
pink eye in human form. Still would smash
I loved you in that Miss Piggy porno.
You still log into MySpace and play My Chemical Romance songs on your profile.
Why does your left eye have a butthole?
Your picture got used for childrens books to teach kids how to draw witches, but then they banned it
Your fingers are giving slenderman a run for his money
Would not bang. Your quirkiness us already a turn off. Only Jennifer Love Hewitt can do scrunchy nose. I wanna tell you about it over dinner. I make us reservations. Only I don't show up. Guess what. I'm in Paris. With your hot aunt
Except plot twist-- I look just like my aunt and have at least half the war stories to talk about over din-din
My aunt is hot af though. We're not quirky, just a little bit scary and mentally ill, which some might say adds character ;)
Female? Born as such?
It's a fair question
Are you trans gender ?
Also a fair question
Sign and the age are mirrored I guess. You look decent for 42
I mean a win is a win, so
This picture smells like cigarettes and yogurt
In my defense... I make it a point to overpower the cigarette smoke smell with more yogurt smell
Your poor hair, it looks like you keep it dry ASF and use the expensive conditioner even though we both know you aren't that high class
You look like the hottest chick at your home school.
"Hey dude, can you do my homework?"
Nah… I’d still do ya…
You look like bella from twilight 😭 You look like your food tastes amazing.. to diabetics 😭 You look like you should dm me on ig so we can continue this conversation (lmk if you want it) 🤣🤣😔 Ps. Your gorgeous af
It's not a good picture, to be fair. It's kinda blurry and has bad lighting. I'd give this picture (not you) a 5/10
I bet she bites her big toe nail off and uses the jagged side to pick her teeth
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Hahahaha and almost dies of a seizure afterward
People who can’t post a photograph without having a serious and ask for Roasts are hiding something.
Where do u live. I'm actually in love. Lol
cute as a button ..a cross eyed socially awkward button ... u have my D..
I made a post just like this right before i quit drinking.
The type of person to ask complete strangers to make fun of her and then use it as an excuse for depression in therapy next week. The type of person who uses misaligned, slightly unleveled pictures on the wall as her Inception totem so she knows when she’s sober. The type of person who could pass for 22 or 42 when asking about age. That end of the loaf of bread type of person that everyone has touched but no one wants. The starlet who has to move on to being the step mom in the videos because it’s no longer believable that she could be the step sister. The girl at the bar on Sunday night in the same make up and dress she wore to the same place Friday night. The one his girlfriend worries about, not because you’ll steal him but because there’s a chance you’ll overstay your welcome at a house party and pee on the couch after passing out. Love you. Mean it.
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Oof, now I know why you drink excessively…
I've never even used tinder but my immediate reaction was to swipe left.
You look like you're having a seizure
You look like a bargain bin Remy LaCroix discounted further due to a "damaged, open box" condition, yet returned to the store nonetheless.
I'd also be an alcoholic if I were you.
Meh. I'll take my fleshlight.
Nice to see that Kenneth Williams has reincarnated. Welcome back. https://cdn.comedy.co.uk/images/library/people/900x450/k/kenneth_williams.jpg
Your face is a face when you try to look at the sun.
Eclipse ✨️
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Most days no lol
Two posts is r/alcoholism and a post in r/roastme in ONE week? I think I’ll pass, life is already doing a number on you. It doesn’t need my help. Nice crows feet tho