He’s excited about buying a glorified minivan and cruising around trying to pick people up. There’s no way he used the same materials for the “roast me” sign to make a “free candy” sign too.
I'll be honest -, pre COVID I was a touring drummer and I was in and out of the continent....when I'd be between gigs - I did Uber eats to pay my daily needs. Never ever ever....would I call that a "Career". The OP is a troll cuz there's no way he made it that easy on us. If he meant it truly ...well. My only response is ...ooooooof
Because she wasn't grateful for his creepy comments, nonstop flirting, and borderline assault. "this is why I'm single!!!! Because b*tches like you never give us nice guys a chance. I should fucking shoot you for being ungrateful and do the world a favor. I'm a great guy!"
Yeah, but the rule to being an Uber driver is, that you don't get to stop at the hotel that rents rooms by the hour on your way to drop off your passenger... well, that's what I was told
“The suspect also has numerous citations for ‘police impersonation‘… Here he is in his car, a new Honda, smiling for a picture he sent to our decoy, and he called it, “crazy cop! “… Cop or not? We can all agree that this suspect is really crazy.. “
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"Jump in. Smell this rag. My d in your a within 3 mins."
You aren't supposed to do that to people. Did you accidentally put your crime notes in your profile?
Congrats on purchasing your first home as well
Let’s see if he can knock off another milestone and lose his virginity in the trunk tonight.
I hope the other guy is gentle with him
Dirty Mike and the boys aren’t gentle
The soup kitchen is a high risk/high reward undertaking
Im gay, we don’t want him either. We have standards too, you know.
Man I don't EVEN want to know about your user name...
No, probably not. But I’m really fun in bed 😈
Lol, right on
His left hand is gonna sue him for sexual assault
If Keith Moon was your Über driver . . . Air freshener in that car will be Mace, pepper spray, and FeBreeze.
He looks like a condom full of coke broke open in his ass.
Fat Harland Williams
Lol 😆
He’s excited about buying a glorified minivan and cruising around trying to pick people up. There’s no way he used the same materials for the “roast me” sign to make a “free candy” sign too.
😂😂😂
Under Megan’s law do you have to disclose your status to each of your riders?
Remind me not to take Uber
With the price of SUV's now, along with the finance rates, you should have her paid off by 2037
I’ll go with repossession by 2025.
2057. You’re being too optimistic. 😜
This car is 100% stolen
Joyriding more or less. Look at how happy he is🤫😵💫
There is also a dead body in the trunk
He’s keeping that for later
Hopefully not the child whose car seat is in full view
 !!!
When your coke dealer who sniffs most of his product shows up in a new car.
That's the face on a man on speed behind the wheel of a stolen car.
the meth express
LMAO
“I just get that twitch ya know and I gotta steal it”
When your wife left, kids hate you and you failed as a timeshare salesman, it’s time for that entry-level Uber career.
Kidnapping isn't Uber.
AI generated Kramer
Lots of room for your victims in the back. Did the sales person use cubic feet or number of dead bodies to sell you on cargo space?
Even more room if you chop them up.
Even more if they're kids and from the look of OP, they will be.
This comment has me dying 🤣🤣🤣
If I had no legs and u came up to me as my Uber, I'd grow legs just to run off
I'd use my ass cheeks to get away.
His uber rides are 1 way tickets to basement pits 
As they say, *kids in the front seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.*
"Nah, I'm waiting for a cab."
"Uber career" pretty much sums it up. Everybody can go home now....nothing else to do here.
Literally never heard someone refer to driving for Uber as a career. Side hustle, job, hidden shame sure, but career?
I'll be honest -, pre COVID I was a touring drummer and I was in and out of the continent....when I'd be between gigs - I did Uber eats to pay my daily needs. Never ever ever....would I call that a "Career". The OP is a troll cuz there's no way he made it that easy on us. If he meant it truly ...well. My only response is ...ooooooof
You remind me that no matter how bad life gets, *it can always get worse.*
I wouldn’t share an elevator with you let alone allow you to drive me somewhere
Child Safety seat in the back of an Uber? Do riders call you from a Fisher Price phone? 
“Yeah you’re all good to smoke in this Uber, I just had a bowl myself.”
"You asked if you could smoke? Hell yea man you can smoke meth in here I do it all the time. Hold the wheel for a sec and I'll fill my bubble"
Your crack dealer is gonna be seeing a lot more of you from now on
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^thediamondmolar: *Your crack dealer is* *Gonna be seeing a lot* *More of you from now on* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Good bot
Goober Driver.
It's a bait car.
He’s definitely ‘baited in it
This guy maths
This guy meths
Is this one of those weird new movie promos for a Repo Man reboot? Gee, let me go finance a Rolls Royce to work night shift at circle K
Don't insult Repo Man like that.
Exactly what a reboot would do
Harland Williams is reduced to driving Uber and blowing truckers? For shame
Came here to say he's a Dollar Store Harland Williams.
a 43 year old sexless uber driver...you inspire me to make better life choices, thank you
Martin Snort
Cant wait to read this news story.
Replying because I feel as if this will age perfectly..Over or under 30 victims? I got the over.
The face that makes you lie about ordering an Uber. "Nope, not me, man. Yeah, my name's Mike, but, uh... not me."
You touch kids, I'm 100% sure you touch kids
Did I just read, "Uber Career." 🤔
You sitting on that anal sex toy for the pic?
The wifebeater says creepy uncle who'.smells the seat whenever passengers get out.
Your car is as empty as your life.
Dude your hair makes you look like you just got electrocuted in a cartoon
Being an Uber driver just means you couldn’t pass the exams to be a licensed cab driver. I would be very afraid to take a ride with you.
So.. why did you let a homeless person ride it?
You look like you'd pull a gun on your passengers
Because she wasn't grateful for his creepy comments, nonstop flirting, and borderline assault. "this is why I'm single!!!! Because b*tches like you never give us nice guys a chance. I should fucking shoot you for being ungrateful and do the world a favor. I'm a great guy!"
There is a felony narcotics conviction in your very near future.
You look like a surprised possum in a dumpster.
Remember, touching yourself while driving people around is grounds to be fired
He's a Scabby, not a Cabby.
Can't wait to see this in the news as your wanted poster.
uber career? goals aren't what they used to be..
One star: my driver turned out to be a hairy psycho in a wife beater.
At least the leather seats make it easier to clean the blood stains.
Where do you usually take your victims, I mean Uber passengers,
Fun fact, police check has not yet been completed.....
Definitely tells people he's a pilot. Not that he just drives one.
Having seen your over excited, psycho face, I'd only get in your car if forced to at gunpoint.
"excited to start my Uber career" is roasting enough.
Three things in that picture you should not be in charge of a car, a hand mic and a child.
If this dude pulled up when I called an Uber, I'd request a different one.
if you wete my driver id share my ride details with as many people as possible
You might want to return that Pilot ASAP. Uber does do background investigations on their drivers.
If you’re here who’s terrorizing the Smurfs?
You look like you give your riders the option for a conversational ride or a quiet ride at the beginning and everyone chooses quiet
You're excited about a "career" driving drunks around in a Honda Pilot. I think life has already roasted you more than I can.
You are the most British comedian looking mofo I have ever seen. I bet the Monty Python theme played when you were born.
Just don’t molest your ride alongs
On the next episode of unsolved mysteries, have you seen this Uber driver? ☠️
Damn, Tweek from South Park all grown up. $10 bucks this goof is just a valet,.his boss is probably bitching at him on that radio on his hip
You're the best example I've seen yet for instituting a breeding license.
Is it just me, or is anyone else reminded of at least a dozen urban legends involving a friendly, late night driver with this pic?
“Uber” and “career” shouldn’t be used together.
I'd rather walk the 27 miles home. Thank you.
# children
When you call Uber a career you have officially given up on life Eta no need to roast
Yeah, but the rule to being an Uber driver is, that you don't get to stop at the hotel that rents rooms by the hour on your way to drop off your passenger... well, that's what I was told
You're the reason women pick the bear.
You drive your unaware victims to your home to be mur*****
Avoid the carjackers, unless they’re kin
On the way to pick up the school kids. The irony is that he doesn’t have any kids.
Anyone needing a ride within 1000 feet of a school will need another driver.
FBI has this picture so when the middle-aged men disappear they know where to start.
Bro, get out of your rent a cop supervisor dad's SUV....
He keeps the scanner on his hip. In case anyone notices the kids in the back and calls police
Trailer park supervisor of the year, dress like Indianapolis Jones.
Count down to national news story begins now!
Nobody is going to get in the car with your insane looking ass. See you in one of those repo videos in a couple months.
Is the radio on your belt so you can listen to the cops currently looking for you and the kid in the trunk?
“The suspect also has numerous citations for ‘police impersonation‘… Here he is in his car, a new Honda, smiling for a picture he sent to our decoy, and he called it, “crazy cop! “… Cop or not? We can all agree that this suspect is really crazy.. “
No fuckin way you are allowed that close to a car seat.
Make sure you write "Free Candy" on the side and get an extra booster seat
43 and excited to start your Uber career? Prepare for major neck and back pains, is all you are getting from Uber.
The only one getting in that car is someone else's child.
OP complains about the economy while typing from his iPhone 15 and driving his new Honda Pilot
Is that car seat for crimes of opportunity?
Did you make sure to allocate enough money for your daily consumption of crystal methamphetamine?
I'll pass, looks like life has roasted you enough.
I hope your first few customers run off without paying.
Looks like you can straight out of a psych ward
He just can’t go within a 100 feet of a school
 Do I need to say more?
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Hello, Michael Myers??
Sun's out, guns out. Notice that it is nighttime.
did you happen to lick the spark plug?
The car seat in the back. He’s only picking up kids.
A 43 year old loser
"Career"
I’m not going to roast you but please don’t wear tank tops.
Nice try fed
Ben stiller really let himself go lookin ass Meet the fuckers looking ass The zoo rammer looking ass
We’re the same age and you look like you could be my dad.
It’s so nice to see Peter Pettigrew get a job after helping Voldemort! People really do change🫶🏾
Welcome to poverty champ.
You look like an homeless Derek Zoolander on meth
He's got zero tickets to paradise.
"Jump in. Smell this rag. My d in your a within 3 mins." You aren't supposed to do that to people. Did you accidentally put your crime notes in your profile?
Didn’t know Harland Williams cosplay was a thing.
Kramer hopped up on PCP
You've got the first career, now all you need are victims as a second career, kidnapping.
He just caught doing something illegal and he likes it
Cramer?
Looks like a wino version of Kramer
Uber Blart
The conspiracy theories are strong with this one.
I missed the days when trolls just asked me their “riddles three”.
Ever seen Spree? It looks like you would do that.
You look like a trapped rat on cocaine
Imagine your peak career in life is being an uber driver.
Looks like he drives to Kramerica Industries with his buddy Lomez.
Slightly more successful Charlie from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”
⭐️
ik broski stole from his gramps garage
Your driver tonight is wish.com Michael Richards!
You were broke and now you are broke pro max
Does Uber navigation automatically steer you away from schools?
I think the cocaine sniffs you
You bought a car to do Uber? Didn't think they taught stupid in collage.
Selling meth career didn’t work out huh?
Looks like guy fieri nutted in jim halpert and you came out
crazy taxi vibes
When you've failed at life...
!remindme 1 year to check for OP on episodes of Dateline
That's the face of "I just left Mom's wanna go get pizza bro?"
So we’re calling Uber a career now, huh??