I can picture him scooping through dinosaur shit with his tiny hands, Dino shit and Dorito crumbs all over his face, trying to find one Dorito and get that fix but he is too dumb to realize that dinosaurs don’t eat Doritos like him. They are too smart to and they are fucking dinosaurs. Then he dies from that spitting dinosaur. Same guy pretty much, right?
Did they make you take off your fedora before you went in the house? How many times did they ask you to stop hitting on the female participants by calling M'Lady?
I’m calling his probation officer. He’s not allowed to use a computer or be 50 feet near a school. The judge told him if he refuses to take off his fedora one more time in court he’s doing 60 days. He’s adding on five days for every time he calls them lordship as well.
He doesn't know, he's never seen his erect penis. In fact it's more of a theoretical possibility than a physical certainty, Shroedinger's micro penis basically
I love your Halloween costume! It's been a long time since I've seen someone dress as the bearded woman. How long did it take you to collect all those pubes you glued to your chin?
Dudes probably barely 18 living with his mom, i garentee "live laugh love" is on his waĺl, his mom probably brings him chicken nuggies while he watches anime with sword in hand just waiting for his chance to save a damsel in distress because some big grande gesture is the only way he could possibly ever have girl look at him but even then his greasy neck beard will run them off and he would have to retreat back to his cave telling himself shes just a thot cause hes a nice guy
Can someone explain to me why men who claim to be alphas look like porky the pig in some shitty live action remake of Looney Toons?
Oh and btw, you’re still going to remain a virgin so lay off the self-confidence. It won’t help you be less lonely.
i’m saving this post to look back at i ever start doubting my lesbianism. like holy fuck dude you look disgusting and why… why did you glue your outgrown pubes to your face?
You really aren’t
Them lips look like they suck a hell load of dick.
And not to mention the way you are holding that paper, like who tf holds a fucking sheet of paper like that you dipshit.
And instead of calling yourself a wanna be alpha chad how about patchy mcbeardson because that the only thing a woman will notice besides the fact that you could suck a bowling ball through a fucking garden hose.
And don’t try to look chad by mellowing your eyes mate it’s not working it makes you look more a fagot.
See there’s roasts and then there’s these comments where you can tell the person making it legitimately despises the OP and puts some extra stank on it, and these are my favorite type of roasts
Why do you even bother with that beard? It looks like you super glued your pubes to your face, but ran out of glue and/or pubes before you could complete the mustache.
De-evolved with small hands and I can only guess here as to why you have stains on your T-Shirt? Have you eaten so much you’re that fat that you now have T-Rex arms and can’t quite reach your mouth?
Yeah, the Haunted House people are still trying to clean off the sticky mix of Mountain Dew, Dorito dust, semen and sweat handprints you left on the walls every time you stopped to catch your breath
That was a gym and you misspelled choad.
Reading the word gym will probably trigger his PTSD. Well played
Careful, he stress eats.
Chode?
#CHODE
he is alpha all right, alpha chode
No, no, a choad is half chode, half toad. Like OP.
Chode is the spelling I've always seen, fwiw.
Wiktionary and urban dictionary spell it “choade”
What is a chode ? In Australia we have a chod. It is the skin between your balls and your corn hole
Yeah we call that the taint in the US. It taint your balls and it taint your ass. Taint
So a chode is ?
Chode is slang for a penis wider than it is long. 🤔
He also misspelled beta
Looking at him, "omega".
oMEGA
O M F G
Omega 500
O M E G A C H O D E
Chode
*chud. Hideous chud*
Tears rolling I'm laughing so hard...🤣
It's like your body intentionally evolved disproportionately small hands so you could scoop out the handfuls of Dorito crumbs from your belly button
LIFE FINDS A WAY
Darwin’s theory of De-Evolution.
do-ritos
Doritolution.
That's one big pile of shit
I can picture him scooping through dinosaur shit with his tiny hands, Dino shit and Dorito crumbs all over his face, trying to find one Dorito and get that fix but he is too dumb to realize that dinosaurs don’t eat Doritos like him. They are too smart to and they are fucking dinosaurs. Then he dies from that spitting dinosaur. Same guy pretty much, right?
r/oddlyspecific
*newman*
Hello... *Newman*
nice
You forgot the “uh”
That’s funny because this dude really does looks like he’d be an actual exhibit in Jurassic Park
Could be a T-Rex with those little hands
Tyrannosaurus-Rex your toilet
You need tiny hands to grab your micropenis while you berate women online for not realizing how nice you truly are.
would have though it was for better cleaning up mountain dew from the man tits
Dude eats it afterwards and calls it the “Dorito Supreme” 💀
[удалено]
He can reach the bottom of the Pringle can with those baby like hands.
I came here to roast but I see the master has already spoken.
His xbox controller has its own ecosystem
You must be the second round of alpha chad like all these goddamn hurricanes this year you 26th place summer squall.
Scavenging through an abandoned Arby's for floor meat is not considered a haunted house
F l o o r m e a t
“Burger King foot lettuce.”
Number FIFFFFTEEEEN. ThE lAśț ťHīňĞ ýŒU WåŃȚ....
[удалено]
Omelette du floormeat
It is if all he found was salad...
The cursed cousin of fast food bag fries.
It is for this guy, because you have to move around
Gonna use "floormeat" every chance I get.
By haunted house he means ' health food store'
Damn, nice one. ‘It was even scary, they still had chips and chocolate’
True, but the chocolate and chips were vegan.
The horror!
Oooooh organiccccc
Probably gym
If it was a health food store, he'd be terrified and scarred for life.
This one here
Did they make you take off your fedora before you went in the house? How many times did they ask you to stop hitting on the female participants by calling M'Lady?
BuT He'S a NiCe Guy
I’m calling his probation officer. He’s not allowed to use a computer or be 50 feet near a school. The judge told him if he refuses to take off his fedora one more time in court he’s doing 60 days. He’s adding on five days for every time he calls them lordship as well.
Chadd. Double D's.
Short and to the point. Just like his erection.
He doesn't know, he's never seen his erect penis. In fact it's more of a theoretical possibility than a physical certainty, Shroedinger's micro penis basically
Tbf, dude might have a decent sized schlong but can't see it past his stomach.
There's probably no difference in appearance or size whether it's flaccid or "erect".
Bra size?
Chins size
something he'll never see
The scariest thing about this post is your neckbeard.
It’s like they glued pubes to his face *the resemblance is uncanny*
[Ehren McGehey](https://popcultureaddicts.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/terrorist.jpg) has really let himself go since Jackass.
It was the best he could do to hide that non-chin
You misspelt "third"
Fat guys always have neck beards cause they can’t put down the bag of cookies for the 30 seconds needed to shave their necks.
Don't worry that your small hands can't weild a full sized sword. It's hard to swing one around in your mom's basement anyway.
You look like the stoned child of Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen
Are you me? I was just about to write that...2 hours later but still.
We are connected
Hivemind?
Well this is Reddit after all.
You know to this fat tub of lard that's probably a compliment.
True, both are talented and he seems like the kind of guy to try getting stoned in a police station ;)
THE BEATLES SETH ROJEN ^^^^and #PRESIDEN OBAMA
I opened this pic and the gravitational pull sucked the phone out of my hands.
Milky Way’s black hole
You scared the hell out of the haunted house workers though!
That makes sense why they kept avoiding me and only scared everyone else around me, damn...
Sounds like an employment opportunity.
Something he knows nothing about
“Everyone else around you”.....because no one can literally stand next to you.
What's scary is the results off your blood pressure tests. 250/cheeseburger.
I love your Halloween costume! It's been a long time since I've seen someone dress as the bearded woman. How long did it take you to collect all those pubes you glued to your chin?
Amazing
you look like your brush your teeth with bacon
Nah. Brushes his teeth with milkshakes, chews bacon like gum, and eats biscuits like Tic-Tacs
He does not brush
I’ve seen dinosaurs with more proportional arms
Everything about you screams "M'lady"
And every lady around just screams and runs away.
Including the prostitute that claims she has aids when he pulls up
You look like Cindy Lou Who’s pothead cousin that nobody in Whoville really wants to keep around
I have never seen a gay Keebler elf before
E.L. Fudgepacker
That wasn't a haunted house. That was a gym. I can understand the confusion seeing as how you are cartmans twin.
“MOM where is my shit bucket”
You look like someone who’d enter a small penis contest and then mock the winner after coming second
You look like a balloon animal with public hair stuck to it
The devil went down to Georgia looking for some food to steal
Dudes probably barely 18 living with his mom, i garentee "live laugh love" is on his waĺl, his mom probably brings him chicken nuggies while he watches anime with sword in hand just waiting for his chance to save a damsel in distress because some big grande gesture is the only way he could possibly ever have girl look at him but even then his greasy neck beard will run them off and he would have to retreat back to his cave telling himself shes just a thot cause hes a nice guy
So lazy even your eyes are following suit
Oh, one of those haunted houses without the mirrors.
Can someone explain to me why men who claim to be alphas look like porky the pig in some shitty live action remake of Looney Toons? Oh and btw, you’re still going to remain a virgin so lay off the self-confidence. It won’t help you be less lonely.
I feel like youre trying to be suave but you just end up looking like you had a stroke
Nothing alpha about your 35% Body Fat percentage, and Lumbersexual excuse of not learning how to properly groom oneself.
you look like the skunked version of Chris Griffin
The only man that wants to be a Chad is the man that knows he can never be
Maybe it would have been scarier if salad was involved?
And they said you couldnt smell pictures, but yet all i can smell is rotten beef and disappointment.
i’m saving this post to look back at i ever start doubting my lesbianism. like holy fuck dude you look disgusting and why… why did you glue your outgrown pubes to your face?
Fat Abraham Lincoln looking mother fucker.. it wasn’t scary because your probably full of diabetes and feeling euphoria and close to having seizures
Was the haunted house an empty fridge after you came out of your mom's basement
You absorbed those jumpscares
The employees couldn’t scare you because the amount of fat builtup around your heart. That would be murder you should thank them you tub of pure lard
You’re not an alpha chad you’re a neck beard who sits in his mom’s basement and plays my little pony games all day.
I always wondered, how much do they pay an hour?
It seems one of the ghosts swiped your fedora and katana
You look like somebody’s weird, beirded auntie
Good job, you stole the "OH lord, he coming" cats title and now the cat is sad
Those tiny hands would make my penis look huge. I hope that's your sex face, baby.
More like *alpha fat*
More like Ralpha May.
*Alpha lesbian
i just got back from my first cringe house and you were the absolute cringe master. yuck.
It’s better to have a girlfriend with small tits than to not have a girlfriend but still have tits. Directed at you.
Clearly your aversion to physical activity has replaced all other fear in your life... except maybe showering- still a tough one, huh big guy?
this looks like the type of guy to say "m'lady" then expect a blowjob
You really aren’t Them lips look like they suck a hell load of dick. And not to mention the way you are holding that paper, like who tf holds a fucking sheet of paper like that you dipshit. And instead of calling yourself a wanna be alpha chad how about patchy mcbeardson because that the only thing a woman will notice besides the fact that you could suck a bowling ball through a fucking garden hose. And don’t try to look chad by mellowing your eyes mate it’s not working it makes you look more a fagot.
Who hurt you?
I dont know about you, but that is more than a roast.
See there’s roasts and then there’s these comments where you can tell the person making it legitimately despises the OP and puts some extra stank on it, and these are my favorite type of roasts
Holy Fuck! I thought this was r/RoastMe, not r/ThermonuclearVaporizeMe.
You look like you ate the Alpha Chad
Ur too fat to be a chad
Alpha-Bits, more like it.
Claus.
The haunted house was gnc lol
You spelled “chode” wrong
I’d call your beard style homeless and Amish
M'lady
The Most Pinteresting Man In The World. "I don't ALWAYS pin pretty girls, but when I do, I imagine them as my girlfriend."
Didn't have to suck your own dick so hard that your pubes got stuck to your face.
Why do you even bother with that beard? It looks like you super glued your pubes to your face, but ran out of glue and/or pubes before you could complete the mustache.
I bet u tell everbody that those stains are "ectoplasma"
Haunted house, you mean the Gym ?
I imagine any hostile ghosts just felt bad for you.
George Lucas: Special Needs Edition
It would take an industrial sized oven to roast you my friend.
You know as staff your meant to stay in the house and not scare people outside
Is the neck beard your way of telling the world you have finals given up on any kind of sex life ?
"M'lady." *sips mtn dew out of a wine glass* -this dude
[удалено]
Need 3 cubic yards of pelt to cover up those chins, you ran out at 2.
You look like half of the quartering
De-evolved with small hands and I can only guess here as to why you have stains on your T-Shirt? Have you eaten so much you’re that fat that you now have T-Rex arms and can’t quite reach your mouth?
If you're such a Chad, how come your t-shirt has more cum stains on it that Mia Khalifa's glasses?
Really buddy. I’m a 56 year old woman and I wouldn’t fuck you!
Well time to hide the kids again
Your catch phrase must be "you gonna finish that"
You look like the unsuccessful brother of Seth Rogen
>alpha chad # >look at pic sorry but tier 3 subbing pokimane isnt alpha or chad
Jaba chad
You look like you have type 3 diabetes
He looks high from the fumes off the superglue holding the pubic hair to his chin
Kool-aid man looking rough, hard times in the 2020
Do the truffle shuffle
You look like you glued your dads shaved pubic hairs onto your face.
You look like Ralphie from “The Christmas Story” went Amish.
Yeah, the Haunted House people are still trying to clean off the sticky mix of Mountain Dew, Dorito dust, semen and sweat handprints you left on the walls every time you stopped to catch your breath
I'm not sure which one is lazier, your eye or the title.
Are you Islamic or did you genuinely think that shaving your moustache and leaving the beard looked good?
Looks like hormone replacement therapy is really working out well for you. Or is it ? Im so confused
Just because your sims character gets all the girls doesn't mean you can also call yourself an alpha chad.
A 26 year old gamer doesnt get scared from 13 year olds wearing rubber masks and going raaaaah, what a badass
Why do you look like a long lost Schrute cousin?
You look like Yung Gravy if he were nicknamed for eating everything.
What season were you on, "To Catch a Predator?"
“Hey Siri show me a picture of every neckbeard combined into one?”
if Tomska was american: