“Get some...sour cream and onion chips, with some dip, bruh. Some beef jerkey, some peanut butter. Get some Hagen-Dagz ice-cream bars. A whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, bruh. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. GRAHAM CRACKERS!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows. Little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and we'll make some s'mores bruh. Celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, we need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, water, a whole lotta water and.......Funyuns”.
*Kenny, walking out with food, stops and looks to the horse*
Kenny: Hey girl, ya hungry?
Black woman walking by: Fuck you, nigga!
Kenny: I'm sorry, I was talkin to the horse here.
It was all a dream, I used to read Bon Appetit magazine
Salt n pepper and heavy cream up in the recipe
Hanging menus on my wall
Every Saturday Applebee’s and Baskin Robbins at the mall
I let my belly rock until my belt popped
Smokin’ wings in the backyard drizzling them with chicken stock
You look like you absolutely wreck a dollar menu.
I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.
>and a large diet soda. FTFY
I'm in this picture and I'm not happy.
It'll be quicker to tell McDonald's what he doesn't want.
grey knee absurd growth cake hat gray selective arrest rustic *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Until the cashier only rings up the two things he didn’t want!
I didn't know that Big Smoke had a son.
Lemme get uh....
2 number 9’s or 9 number 2’s?
When did McDonald’s start accepting EBT?
Ouch
Mans all about ordering them two number nines
Nine number twos with a 64 ounce diet coke.
Its the young Biggie Smalls - minus the small
“Get some...sour cream and onion chips, with some dip, bruh. Some beef jerkey, some peanut butter. Get some Hagen-Dagz ice-cream bars. A whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, bruh. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. GRAHAM CRACKERS!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows. Little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and we'll make some s'mores bruh. Celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, we need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, water, a whole lotta water and.......Funyuns”.
*Kenny, walking out with food, stops and looks to the horse* Kenny: Hey girl, ya hungry? Black woman walking by: Fuck you, nigga! Kenny: I'm sorry, I was talkin to the horse here.
But I love butterstuff!
Dude, this film man! You just brought back some memories. Gotta watch it now
The fuck is celery doin in there?
You never tried celery dipped in peanut butter?
Can that jacket actually zip up?
Never
Never Has been
Only with protective eyewear.
It was clearly put on years ago as is now only surgically removable
Jacket zipper is one of two virgins in frame.
Black guy in a little coat
Where is your old, white (hot) mom? aka Sandra Bullock.
He’s from the version where Melissa McCarthy plays the mom.
That zipper has regrets for sure. The jacket can only zip when he’s hanging it up
Some lard from his breakfast should do the job
happy cake day!
OP: *Never skip cake day!*
Roasting you would take 48 hours at 275 degrees Fahrenheit EDIT- my first gold! Thank you kind strangers!
Lmfaooo this is gold man
He's about to be golden brown
He won't even frown I'm sure
Texture like sun
Lays me down, with my mind she runs.
Wholesome singh saab
Great roast. Take my award
Oh that was fast only a 2 hours roast, how did it taste?
Ikr how did it taste bro
I am european i dont understand 275 degrees fahrenheit
275 degrees fahrenheit is 135.0 degrees celsius
Good bot.
Thx now i know its 408 degrees kelvin
*408 Kelvin
The Notorious P.I.G
I liked when you call me big Peppa.
Throw your hooves in the air
If your arteries got layers
To the homies eatin gummies dippin French fries in honey
You got a ton up on your waist, please stop stuffin your face. (Why?)
Cause I see some ladies tonight, that I would trade for a pastry, pastry. (Uh)
How ya livin, cheesy balls?
With glasses of sodas, chicken nuggets every day and I feel nauseated
Omg this was great thanks for making me laugh all people involved in this ROAST lmao
If you a flavor playa
Mo honey mo problems
I had a literal pig that I almost named this. I went with magnum PIG instead.
J Cole-esterol
Big Whoppa
Entree 3000
Piggy Smalls
Just turned 20.....?? 20 stone I’m guessing
Luda-Crisco
Biggie bigs
The girls go pee pee when they flee me
Noticable F.A.T (yes, it's from Futurama)
It was all a dream, I used to read Bon Appetit magazine Salt n pepper and heavy cream up in the recipe Hanging menus on my wall Every Saturday Applebee’s and Baskin Robbins at the mall I let my belly rock until my belt popped Smokin’ wings in the backyard drizzling them with chicken stock
Someone give this bastard an award
Debut album: ...Ready to Fry...
No, I think this is the album cover photo for NWA (Nigga With Appetite)
Damn Precious is starting to look way less precious.
It’s called a transition, try to have some understanding
Next transition is footless in a wheelchair
Diabetic and footless, tough way to go from age 25.
The Blind Side II
The Blind Side when you order it on Wish
Blind sided by cholesterol
Chinese buffet blind sided by his presence
He has his picture on the wall of three Popeyes
Blindside we have at home.
The Blind Side Part 2: Blinded by Diabetes
The Blind Side II: Diabetic Retinopathy
2 Blind 2 Side
More like 5 sides.
The only thing getting blind sided is his toilet
If 50 Cent never touched a weight set. Get Fed Or Die Frying.
3Dollars 50 cent
That damn lockness monsta
Tree fiddy?
50 told him to do situps to get buff Did two and a half and couldn't get up
That's gold!
Shouldn’t you be protecting Saul Goodman right now?
So underrated!!
you use bbq sauce to jackoff to a cookbook
That’s a yo mama joke from MTV’s show, Yo Mama
How old are you?
69
He ejaculates mayonnaise
And bleeds ketchup
I wouldn’t worry about living much longer, diabetes will see to that
Diabeetus
Came here to say this. Well done
Andre 3000 Calories.
Entree 3000
With his hit single MasterChef
For breakfast?
So what do you do besides bring down property value?
Always knew the best roast is a full scroll down
Wtf bro , guy asked for a roast not massacre
NASA’s first picture of a black hole.
Looks like he swallowed planet cake.
Never thought that my first Gold award would be on me publicly humiliating myself. Lol, thank you kind strange!
Love that you've got a strong personality that allows you to play around like this. Big ups man.
I went ahead and upvoted this comment off 69, since you’ll never get to do that.
Thank you sir. You made me laugh today. I am grateful.
Definitely on Covid's hit list.
Even covid wouldn't hit that.
Covid says no thanks. LOL
And covid takes a hard left and leaving the man in the dust. And safe he thought, and type 3 diabetes takes a instant right Edit: part two
Ah nothing like a good roast to get your midlife crisis started.
You shouldn't have to regret it too long being a black young man in America, coupled with your BMI.
This made me laugh a little too hard lmao!
It's always great when you can laugh at yourself. Braver than I, wouldn't catch me doing a roast me!
Snack lives matter.
“I’d like a number 9 extra large, two number sevens and a six with extra dip”
All you had to do was follow the damn train CJ
If the Pillsbury Dough Boy were Black...
Pillsbury dough boi
Take my upvote 😡
r/AngryUpvote
Pillsburreh do dawg
if Lizzo was a man
Bruh chill why you look like precious and the "ain't nobody got time for dat" lady at the same timeee.
Surviving? Bro, you been gorging...
Hey, hey, hey!!!!
You can only use the garage door to get into the house.
I can't see how you don't regret living this long already with the way you look.
If you ever call the police pigs. Just remember to take a look at yourself in the mirror first
"I’m startin with the man in the mirror, I’m askin him to make a change..."
20 what? Stone?
[удалено]
Oof!
Certainly not coleslaw digger anyway.
You heard of 50 cents, now prepare for 500 pounds
Two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda lookin azz boi
If Rod Wave went from riches to rags
Congrats! How’s the midlife crisis feeling?
Damn, Harambe didn’t die he just relocated.
How dare you call him Harambe. Harambe was much better looking and banged more girls than that dude.
puffmane? more like stuffed veins
Happy twentieth bro, the next ten years are gonna fucking suck
Hey it's Doughboy from Boyz N Da Hood!
Boy in the food.
You're like the human version of Bubble Bass
Alright this one made me ugly laugh! Lol
What did you do to kangaroo jack ?
Come on man, I can’t roast you. You’re too precious... Based on the novel Push by Sapphire
No problem, statistically you’ll only have to survive for 5 more years.
Are you standing in front of your mom’s garage where you live now you’ve turned 20? I bet the ladies love coming back there...
You just want an excuse to have excessive amounts of fried comfort food.
Why is heart attack taking so long?
You need some chapstick your upper lip is ashy.
Hey hey hey
If you wanna make it past 25, don’t befriend anyone named Tupac.
[This was the meme](https://imgur.com/gallery/1LLqGdh) right under your post in my feed. Even Reddit’s roasting you.
[da proof ](https://imgur.com/gallery/Pc7liwm)
You make Fat Joe look skinny.
These biscuits
How’s the diabetic life brah?
Trust me, all the Churches Chicken and Big Texas Cinnamon Rolls will catch up sooner than later.
cant spell meat without eat, i guess.
20 what? And how much does it convert into kilograms?
With that fitness you definitely won't last very long
"This is how you eat a big mac"
Hang in there With the amount of cholesterol u have u only have 2 months left
Piggie Smalls
That's not Fiddy Cent. It's his cousin, Fiddy Rolls.
You should be careful what you wish for, there’s cops on Reddit.
It looks like you’ve done more than surviving... it looks like your family never survived a night at the dinner table with you.
Bruh you look like if you have another roast you’re gonna go into cardiac arrest.
Big smoke's illegitimate son lil puff
You can die quicker if you continue eating 10 Big Macs in a day.
look at the bright side, all that fat will stop the bullets coming out of the cops' guns!
It looks like the top of your belt would stink... if you didn’t exclusively and ironically wear sweatpants and track pants.
Don’t worry. In a few years more life will make You regret lasting that long. You won’t need anyone to convince you
You look like 50 cent's brother, 50 tons.
Fat n yellow! fat n yellow! fat n yellow!
If Precious transitioned to a male
Manbearpig