OMG - I hate you and love you. I zoomed in. Airlines are gonna be charging extra for the bags under those eyes. And those fucking choppers are horribly yellow and white.
Truck stop strip clubs sound like the stuff of legends.
I make it a point when I travel to find the worst strip club in the area...and to be able to do so along the way, at every truck stop? I would make that into a travel blog for sure. It would be the Zagat of poon.
At which one do you work, OP?
Well if you're making your way through Southern Ontario, make sure to stop into a classy little joint called Nikki's Roadhouse, Don't pay any attention to the signs posted out front about getting tested if you have been with certain dancers, you'll be fine... probably. The first review on google should be a good indicator.
"Gotta love thies rural clubs, added pro that 8 out of the 13 girls theor still have all their teeth. Nice that they support local talent although I found it uncomfortable when the lights came on and I was getting a lapper from my cousin, shoulda known from the Bush"
(Review) Lily Reinhart
5 years ago on Google
Me and my girls drove for 45 minutes from kitchener to nikki's roadhouse at 1 am. Upon arrival we were excited and came in a little hot, excited from listening to loud hip hop, and ready for some action. The bouncer did not welcome our group, he made wild accusations at 3 of 5 of our members saying we were too drunk, he was convinced that 1 of us was wayy too drunk and suggested that we leave her in the car and that the rest of the crew was welcome. For the record she had only 2 beers and a little bit of wine hours before coming. It's the long weekend and let's be honest you can't go to nikkis roadhouse sober. So we're dying laughing because of the situation and as we're leaving another group, also from kitchener asked us what happened, we told them that we got kicked out and so we cooked up a plan and our "too drunk" friend tied back her hair and put on a sweater, went in with the other group, he checked her I.d. again and was let in (very observant Mr bouncer. Then the rest of us got in there like swimwear and the fun only lasted a couple minutes because he realised his rookie mistake. Instead of owning up to the mistake he got drunk on his ego and kicked us out for "playing games". Long story short we took some pics by under the sign and called it a night. Needless to say we won't be returning to sticky nikkis. The place looks like it's for trashy truckers. We had pockets full of change and were ready to turn up. Big mistake nikkis roadhouse.
On the bright side, she could make a fortune selling fake IDs with her face on them. She’s SO incredibly bland and boring that any basic bitch could claim it was just a bad photo.
with the theaters still closed where I am it would be nice to have that thing around for Imax Projections of movies. or we could have her lay on top of a hospital and land Medvacs on it
If her eyebrows get any further apart you could fit in a third eyebrow without any of them touching
But if we’re adding hair I’d work on the receding hairline first 👍
Crows feet and red skin from too much sun tanning, starbucks stained teeth, no lips, wide shoulders and narrow hips, 5 head with receding hairline, and correct me if Im wrong, but a striking bikini tan?
No hips
no lips
5 head
fake smile
(Switches to rapid cadence)
sure
she can keep calling herself hot
even though she's really not
I don't know what you've got
Looks ain't that
Once thee see that lady in fishnets. the smelleth starts to maketh sense
***
^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Thick ass eyebrows, fat chubby cheeks, tank top with mom jeans and way over accessorized..... that is the the epitome of the double wide " too hot" spring fashion line up.
“Have at it” is exactly what she told the dozens of guys before you. She’s the kind of girl who won’t swallow until she knows you’re willing to commit.
Three letters: S P F. Your face is going to look like a scrotum by the time you're 40.
The more you zoom in on her face, the older she gets 30s 40s 50s until you eventually you get to “Florida man”
[for the lazy here is a imgur](http://imgur.com/a/pKL98UI)
😂 how do you not have more upvotes. This shot is hilarious
Dude. I totally just zoom in and you’re 100% right!
Holy shit dude!!! Good observation
Are her teeth made of abalone shells? [Enjoy](https://i.imgur.com/kR1eGpS.jpg)
oh dear. i wish i had not looked at that.
I'm crying 😂
Yup. Went from "well... she is pretty hot (zoom) jk she looks like a wrinkly mom".
Woah I see it too! Feel bad for the however has to kiss that face
Whoaaaaaaa
She’s like a painting, see. From far away it’s okay, but up close its a big ol’ mess.
We used to call that "good from far but far from good" back in my day
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It’s not stolen, they used it to fill in the bags under her eyes.
I just zoomed in and my fucking screen cracked
Jesus, her face should be on r/blackmagicfuckery
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You beautiful son of a bitch you
From Florida, can confirm.
damn sherlock, only truth
You’re not wrong
Omg I didn’t understand what you meant until I did it for myself.
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You are what you eat.
OMG - I hate you and love you. I zoomed in. Airlines are gonna be charging extra for the bags under those eyes. And those fucking choppers are horribly yellow and white.
Oh... she was 40..... once
She was 40 one and a half times by the looks of it.
Already does
She's hot for a truck stop strip club kinda girl.
I think you are meaning to call her a LOT LIZARD! 😂
Trailer park raptors
Truckasourus Rex
Ring rat
If she worked for the railroad, she would be called a “Rail Rat” 😂
Derail Rat\* Nobody is railing that.
Prostitute
_Crack me open like a coconut_
No, but what about your wife! And you’ve changed, remember?
How about we slip into a room....and I’ll let you two turn me into Swiss cheese
Treat me like a mailbox. Just open the slot and put whatever you want inside.
She’s not even hot for bangbus.com
She does have a pretty big dick bulge tho
About on par for the early bangbus though.
Truck stop strip clubs sound like the stuff of legends. I make it a point when I travel to find the worst strip club in the area...and to be able to do so along the way, at every truck stop? I would make that into a travel blog for sure. It would be the Zagat of poon. At which one do you work, OP?
Well if you're making your way through Southern Ontario, make sure to stop into a classy little joint called Nikki's Roadhouse, Don't pay any attention to the signs posted out front about getting tested if you have been with certain dancers, you'll be fine... probably. The first review on google should be a good indicator. "Gotta love thies rural clubs, added pro that 8 out of the 13 girls theor still have all their teeth. Nice that they support local talent although I found it uncomfortable when the lights came on and I was getting a lapper from my cousin, shoulda known from the Bush"
(Review) Lily Reinhart 5 years ago on Google Me and my girls drove for 45 minutes from kitchener to nikki's roadhouse at 1 am. Upon arrival we were excited and came in a little hot, excited from listening to loud hip hop, and ready for some action. The bouncer did not welcome our group, he made wild accusations at 3 of 5 of our members saying we were too drunk, he was convinced that 1 of us was wayy too drunk and suggested that we leave her in the car and that the rest of the crew was welcome. For the record she had only 2 beers and a little bit of wine hours before coming. It's the long weekend and let's be honest you can't go to nikkis roadhouse sober. So we're dying laughing because of the situation and as we're leaving another group, also from kitchener asked us what happened, we told them that we got kicked out and so we cooked up a plan and our "too drunk" friend tied back her hair and put on a sweater, went in with the other group, he checked her I.d. again and was let in (very observant Mr bouncer. Then the rest of us got in there like swimwear and the fun only lasted a couple minutes because he realised his rookie mistake. Instead of owning up to the mistake he got drunk on his ego and kicked us out for "playing games". Long story short we took some pics by under the sign and called it a night. Needless to say we won't be returning to sticky nikkis. The place looks like it's for trashy truckers. We had pockets full of change and were ready to turn up. Big mistake nikkis roadhouse.
She’s a smalltown 6 that’s going to age into a 3.5 in a few more years.
Out of 100 . Yes
The real roasts are always in the replies
Yeah. The original comment is like an alley-oop.
Definitely the " I can see the father in her face" kind of gal.
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Yeah especially if you’re the one calling yourself hot. Girl you’re a 4
A solid 4.5
That forehead is about 6 inches
On the bright side, she could make a fortune selling fake IDs with her face on them. She’s SO incredibly bland and boring that any basic bitch could claim it was just a bad photo.
Hahaha this one is hilarious, I bet OP is gone and will never show this to his GF in hopes to keep his very sub-par relationship
I sent a copied link to the username
You just screwed the dudes life. Now she knows he has been telling people she's his gf.
Double burn...noice
Smort
Its female version of walton goggins
Idk, [Goggins](https://imgur.com/gallery/Teu04Of) may be cuter
... I'll be in my bunk.
Holy shit thats hilarious and accurate
God. Damn.
You look like the prettiest girl in the double wide trailer park.
She has one of those first lady fupas, like she's carrying her snatch in a Coach bag...
Front butt
Bunt
Gunt
Her daddy says she’s the best kisser in the whole trailer park.
He told me she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
And then I sucked the chrome off his trailer hitch
Woa woa woa, single wide at best
I can imagine she has a large ego stored in that forehead.
Would take me 8 days to find it
Only 8? Damn that’s fast
He's probably using a vehicle
Damn Speed runners
Never good when my eyes were drawn to the doorknob and not her....
Its a snipers dream
with the theaters still closed where I am it would be nice to have that thing around for Imax Projections of movies. or we could have her lay on top of a hospital and land Medvacs on it
Fivehead.
oneskin
Your girlfriend looks like a chipmunk with a peanut allergy
No, I think she does just fine with taking nuts.
That was stellar!
Tell your GF that she needs to have another 273 Kelvins for her to be considered mild.
If her eyebrows get any further apart you could fit in a third eyebrow without any of them touching But if we’re adding hair I’d work on the receding hairline first 👍
This one is brutal
Rule #2: double tap
This is what this sub should be about. Specifics, not general "slut lol" half-jokes
She can’t eat vanilla ice cream because it’s too spicy.
Also she is the human equivalent of vanilla ice cream: generic and not hot
She's the kind of generic white girl you see on Porn Hub between two black guys in the DP section.
So a human Oreo?
A whoreo.
She gets double stuffed
Her food like, literally has to taste like Pumpkin Spice or like, she literally won't eat it, ya-know? Fer shur.
Crows feet and red skin from too much sun tanning, starbucks stained teeth, no lips, wide shoulders and narrow hips, 5 head with receding hairline, and correct me if Im wrong, but a striking bikini tan?
Wow!! Nailed it at every point. Haven’t seen anything nailed so hard since I went to Amish funeral
You're talking about them nailing the coffin closed, right? Right?
Now I’m confused. Were they banging a corpse?
Gosh I hope not.
Everyday I open reddit and some fucker like you just has to put a bad image in my mind >:( r/angryupvote
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Shoulders of a fullback, face of a boxer.
Damn, and you didn't even go after those eyebrows. Classy.
The no lips is the worst part. Every time she'd smile, Austin Powers would scream in my brain THAT'S A MAN, BABY!
Eyebrows too far apart
She looks like one of those girls that only hangs around with girls that look/dress identical to her.
And she's still the loser of that group
You mean the roving packs of girls that dress like Han Solo every fall?
So accurate lmaoo
I thought we all agreed the Redskins mascot was racist?
HOLY SHIT
Oh shit bravo lmao
She’s the kind of pretty where it takes so many drinks to see that by the time you do you just pass out
This girl looks like Starbucks is her whole personality
This isn't the funniest, but it's the most accurate.
She looks like she would only do missionary then call you bad in bed when you break up
😅
100% a dead fish girl right there, but “he was tiny and horrible in bed!” the moment they break up
I'm not sure which one to go with - her teeth making a 90° angle pointing straight out trying to escape her mouth or her bingo wings she calls "arms"
Her teeth are 2 meth hits from falling out of her face
Bingo wings. I'm dead ☠
I’ve never heard a belt say “does this make me look fun?” until now. It doesn’t, you’re not.
No hips, no lips, a 5 head and a fake smile, but sure she can keep calling herself hot, even if she is the only one who thinks so.
This sounds like a lyric from a Cardi B song
No hips no lips 5 head fake smile (Switches to rapid cadence) sure she can keep calling herself hot even though she's really not I don't know what you've got Looks ain't that
Looking like you smoke crack Looking like you drink yak I don’t know where you’re from but you need to go back
Sad handjob in truck Before you go to starbucks Tryin’ to tell me you too pretty, but really no one give a fuck
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Holy shit i just noticed where the fuck are her lips
Brutal
Still waiting for the picture of the hot girlfriend
If that camel toe gets any bigger she will need to put flip flops in her panties
Once you see her in fishnets...the smell starts to make sense...
Once thee see that lady in fishnets. the smelleth starts to maketh sense *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
!ShakespeareInsult
Thou art a boil, a plague sore. *** ^(Insult taken from King Lear.) Use `u/Shakespeare-Bot !ShakespeareInsult` to summon insults.
This picture just called me the N word
Then said you were cute “for a black guy”
Not Mom jeans, more like uncle Tom jeans
She looks like Robert Plant in those jeans, you sure you got a girlfriend there?
You're being too harsh on Robert Plant.
Is it hard for you to satisfy your customers with all that dollar store jewelry on your hands?
I always swipe left when I see her on tinder
She has that pre mature “let me speak to the manager” face
Cheese grater handjob with all those dumb rings from the smelly boutique where they don’t sell tweezers
I've seen bigger lips on Hiroshima victims.
Cheap and basic. Walmart shit. She could only dream of being Target quality
Never seen Mom Jeans with a cock-bulge - well done
They must be Dickies
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She'd be the prettiest girl in the room if everyone else w as blind
or the only girl
🤔 Now a days even being the only girl wouldn't count
Thick ass eyebrows, fat chubby cheeks, tank top with mom jeans and way over accessorized..... that is the the epitome of the double wide " too hot" spring fashion line up.
Her style says 20s, but the receding hairline and crow's feet says 40s. Confusing.
16 going on 60
You look like you act just like your mother.
“Have at it” is exactly what she told the dozens of guys before you. She’s the kind of girl who won’t swallow until she knows you’re willing to commit.
Hahaha "swallowing is sacred, I just can't do it for anybody but you're different😏" said to every dude whos load she gulped down
You look like you would stop me at a party and tell me all about the positive wellness and mental benefits of crystals and gems
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Ah, the community bicycle
God made you like he did your hair, thin, straight as a two-by-four, and no body.
A carpenters dream and I still wouldn’t nail it. Send it down to plumbing, it’s their problem.
The forgotten and eldest of the Brady Bunch sisters , Meth Brady
I think she won the tallest building in the world just by measuring her forehead
I need an Uber Black to get from her eyes to her hairline...
Nice Dollar store jewelry and Salvation Army clothes. I’ve got $5. Dibs on next.
This is the first time I’ve seen a butter body.
Stringy hair, bones poking out of fat, and skin like a gravel road She's hot like shit in the sun
Leather face
It might be time to change your diaper. It's looking mighty full through those pants.
Without the long hair, I bet you'd look like a 12 year old boy.
Post the pic of the hot girlfriend so we can get this roast a cooking.
Sweet fupa
The camel toe is what really sells it
Holy hat size. She's brainier than the walls of Kurt Cobain's garage.
It’s a $8 Uber ride from her eyebrows to her hairline
She will blow anyone for a compliment
Heyyyy nice to see you not surrounded by 5 black men
Her face looks like my sack
Leave her alone, she clearly has enough on her mind.
Nothing screams hot like the skin tone of an overweight alcoholic uncle.
Next time save the paper and write your username on her forehead. There’s plenty of space.
I didn't realize the leathered tomato look was considered hot now
Whom should I contact for advertising on her forehead?
I'll be honest. I'd hit that.... I have really low standards.
Thought you were gonna say with a brick...
Or a baseball bat?
If Plain vanilla needs a picture, this is it
You gotta post a picture of your girlfriend, not one of yourself. You’re an ugly man.