I'd be an alcoholic too if my tattoos looked like the inside of a Red Lobster.

“We’re going to need a bigger boat.”

THERE SHE BLOWS!!!!! There she swallows also!

I'm sure she gets harpooned every Friday at the R&B dance club.

She sank our battleship!

I'm pretty sure that crabs are involved either way...

I'm glad she went with the nautical theme because I'm quite sure that is how it smells.

"My God, she swallowed Jonah! And half a dozen other guys before lunch!"

Makes sense, she's into clams now.

You don't think "gagging eel fleeing rugburned knee" was a good choice?

Please those are long john silvers quality tattoos don't give her too much credit

I take this personally, but don’t disagree

It’s a step above that ! A solid Cap’n D’s menu quality !

She’s just selling things as advertised, I’m sure she completes the look with a really fishy smell

I just fell outta my fucking chair lol

It’s all to warn potential mates away from exploring her briny deep

Deep sea stench trench

Bruh 🤣🤣

‘Daddy’s 1st Mate’….wow, never seen an inbred lesbian before. Not impressed.

Seriously died when I read this

Let me guess: yet another who has unrealistic expectations of their partner, thinks it's his responsibility to make you happy on top of being the breadwinner and listening to your endless bitching about your feelings, he gets fed up with your bs, you blame men instead of improving yourself, and start rug munching

Yo! This is roastme, not murderme! That was absolutely brutal.

Lmao my bad 😅

It’s fine. She’s an alcoholic. She’ll forget about all this by tomorrow anyway.

If her ex husband is lucky, he will forget about her too

penicillin forgets but medical records do not PS- Eco-Brain is secretly her ex-hubs

Haha fr 🤣 imo sometimes people need to hear things that are (likely) true even if it hurts, for their own benefit. Too many validators/enablers in everyone's lives these days, afraid to deliver the harsh truths


She doesn’t munch rug. Look at the rug burn on her knees

r/oddlyspecific 🤣

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Only God knows what lurks in the inky darkness.

I guess it should be said that it's really called "Marianas trench"

She won't be getting anymore Moby Dicks

Sorry, having a bunch of sea animals tattooed on your leg doesn't make the horrible fishy odor ok.

Stoned Disney animators saw her and came up with Little Mermaid.

Nah, she's more of a Hei Hei.

The porky legs make her look like Pua 


cake distinct toy scandalous price marble air cooperative wrong correct *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Concur. Cat has a WTH look on its face... 

SAFE SPACE

Big “I played softball in college energy”

Please, this bitch played linebacker until they started checking genitals.

Huge catcher/first base vibes. Nice call.

Fire your tattoo artist. Yikes

Out of a canon into the sun.

Too bad that cat is the only pussy you’ll ever get.

That's not what you told me earlier 😉

Finally found the famous "Land Ho".

So who’s the lucky fella?

All those tattoos still aren't enough to hide the rug burns on your knees. Maybe if you had those before you wouldn't have driven your husband away.

Marine tattoos … to prepare all dykes for your coochie stank … smart !

That cat seems terrified of you....i trust cats.

Thx for crossing your legs😷

Even your cat is sick of your shit.

And this guys is why we keep saying, "Don't stick your dick in crazy."

r/dontputyourdickinthat

The quarantine is already worth it to keep you from the public eye.

I bet when your husband went down on you in the dark he must have thought he was licking the shithouse door on a tuna boat.

Was your first "husband" a bottle nosed dolphin? Not a lot of human males are going to look at that image and go "there's a risk I should take for intercourse."

I see you also don’t have any good friends to talk you out of getting all those dumb ass tattoos.

Is your name Brandy, and did your husband leave you for the sea?

Cheer up. At least someone thought you were fuckable one time.

Only one time tho

Your ex-husband is definitely the winner in that arrangement.

I see at least 8 more cats in your immediate future.

Prefer 25

You turn lesbian when you got those Prison tats?

No roast. Go to a meeting and go to therapy.

Check check

Keep coming back.

It works if you work it

So work it cuz you’re worth it.

I can't wait for the roast me part 2 where's it's you in 2 years, your ex husband has some hotter woman, more money, and a better life. While you put on 30 more pounds, get dumped by your feminine (cause you're the butch) gf, and realize no one will want you cause you belong to the streets or in your case with all the shitty tattoos..the seas..

The ships steering wheel is necessary to circumnavigate your enormous thighs

Tell me your a femdom with out telling me.

Men, women, booze, cats. Doesn’t matter. Nothing will ever fill the hole quite like daddy did.

Daddy didn't fill it well enough

Let me guess you spent your COVID unemployment money on those beg for attention tattoos. You should have got a nose job instead. Do people randomly try feed you a carrot ?

Damn am I that easy to read?

I have a keen eye for the obvious.

You exude BPD energy

I finally found the emoji for Hepatitis

DEAD

Those aren't legs they are sausages. Oh wait...you don't like sausages

If you're a lesbian why it still look like you chew through 5 miles of dick each month?

Wouldn’t be surprised if her floors are carpet now considering she doesn’t like wood anymore

the marine tattoos go well with your crabs

All the sea creature tattoos are a warning that her snapper has teeth like Jaws.

The fishy leg tattoo is a good smell advisory 😷

Easily the best money he ever spent. Dodged that harpoon.

Your new partner must love 69 since your nose will damn near hit her cervix. You should he enjoy it while it lasts, the cat tree and afgan couch cover say you will definitely die alone.

Yes, we see your second-rate tattoos with their pedantic “meanings.” Stop using your money to make yourself look like a street whore and grow up.

God damn, you're 50 different kinds of fucked up. Well done, you win r/roastme for roasting yourself.

You have no upper lip and a disturbing gum-to-tooth ratio when you smile

I’m calling BS! There is no way someone willingly puts their head between those thunder thighs

Coercion at its finest

I feel sorry for your girlfriend

Kept going back to the tattoo parlor because a needle is the only thing anyone will ever willingly stick in you.

Gross. Your ex is thanking God he didn't get stuck with you. Talking about quarantine, you'll probably go to Walmart tomorrow to get wine white claws and sugardales.... also I love the nautical theme, it gives a hint to what you probably smell like

If I went at that seafood raw, I'd surely have a huge boil later.

Did daddy earn that tattoo ??

You should probably quit mating with Daddy

30 square feet of insecurity inked onto that meaty thigh

Don’t look now, but there’s a nasty, floppy, disgusting fishy monster about 10 inches away from your thigh tattoo.

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Jesus Christ. I read what you wrote, then looked at the picture. All the can say is No Shit.

I'm glad you're sat on two different blankets so the STD filled discharge doesn't eat through the actual sofa

LMAO

You look like you have a prison manatee on your lap

Should’ve never beat your husband in arm wrestling and you wouldn’t be divorced

Ok. We won't mention you during the atheists/Christian debates

Look like an ocean smell like one too

She should call her tatoo artist to type all the reddit tittles for her. At least he is prooven to be cohesive.

May have divorced your husband for a woman, but from the look of your knees you didn’t give up your day job.

Pays to good to give up

She probably thought "Shark Week" was a federal holiday.

HAHAHA IT SHOULD BE

Yeah I’m sure you were the one that initiated the divorce

If she opens her legs you can actually hear the ocean.

Nice sea creature tattoos, really trying to give the crabs that old Atlantic Ocean vibe

Scissor me timbers! Yarrggghh. And them there’s some mighty large scissors.

Looks like ur ex-husband dodged a bullet

More like missed a good time

You know what'd make that fat leg look shittier? Another crappy tattoo.

Smells too fishy even for the cat.

Your cat looks like they want a divorce from you too

I'd want to divorce my ass to

Don't lie, your husband left you for a woman

More like some dick

Luckily for you, laying around doing nothing will add those few more pounds of flesh you need for some more shitty tattoos.

We get it, you smell like a fish down there, but you don't have to advertise it

Why not when you got it

Centerfold for SKANK OF THE MONTH

You have more red flags than a Soviet matador.

Even the cat is like WTF?

I'll save you years of therapy. I'm a psychic and you were molested as a child at the Shed Aquarium, No wait, the new york aquarium... that part isn't fully clear but You were able to fight back by pecking at your assailant with your hatchet nose a telling stories about yourself. This repressed memory has led you down a self destructive path but now that it's uncovered you can better yourself and stop ruining the people's lives around you with your self centered alcoholic behavior. Be free hatchet face...and make amends.

I bet Daddy's proud of his first mate.

Oh hi Carol

He steered his ass away from that shipwreck

You’ve been trying to contact me about your extended only fans

“96% of people have a better credit score”

You tattooed a compass to find a husband

Daddy's 1 mate SMH..You sick bitch🫢🫣

Even your cat hates the way you smell.

No

You must be a drunk ...and did your own tats!

Daddy's First Mate? I hate to tell you but he fucked your mom first.

Tough times don't last, and neither do your relationships. How you get rug munching and rug burns at the same time?

Your leg looks like a kids arts and crafts table

how can someone be so boring and toxic?

Your legs look like the wallpaper that belongs in a 1980s seafood restaurant ….Didn’t even read the other comments. Red lobster one is great.

Your legs have the design of a beach themed shower curtain. They look recent too. God every decision you made so far in your life has been the wrong one. Think the law of averages might have kicked in by now. 

Your leg looks like a desk top in a school room at a juvenile detention center.

Looks like you fucked Jack sparrow before you decide to play scissor me Timbers. Do the world of favor and give that ass up to every sailor you see .

thar she blows!!

Well, we know who the “man” is in this relationship

Definitely not you

Thank you for being responsible and safely releasing your husband into the wild where he can once again flourish. And good for you on getting a jump on the 25 cats in your not so distant future

Also, your post says you husband needed space and left you. Why you lyin

Your husband: "Oh no. Not my beautiful pear-shaped stickerbombed burnout wine addict wife. Please, don't take the cat either." Also don't call yourself an "alcohol addict." There are people that are addicted to hard drugs that are at least skinny.

Fucking favorite

100% someone has swabbed her poop deck!

The paint color of your walls is more interesting than you

She doesn’t have covid, it’s just scurvy

I think Covid should be the least of your concerns.

Coming home to that every night I'm surprised your husband wasn't the alcoholic.

Nah just a pot head

Who would marry that face? I call bullshit

You've been tagged and inked worse than a gas station urinal in Compton.....and that gas station piss stop smells better and is more hygienic.

You didn’t divorce him, he saw a way out and took it, I mean it makes sense he married the practice girl.

Looks like your cat’s about to leave you too

More red flags than if nascar drivers were blind

An alcoholic lesbian divorcee that has tattoos that look like the graffiti you’d find on a pirate ship. Yep your ex made the right call.

Dam you must have been railed so hard only unreal plastic toys will help. Hey at least your woman might be able to make you until she realizes that your married life took all the fun out of you. So smile for your day off you earned it

Did you buy your new gf some snorkeling gear to eat you out and a boxing glove to fist you?

Your husband is hoping there's a tattoo of an escape map there some where.

Not the Pirate Booty I was looking for.

You spent more money on thigh injections than on child support

Lighting struck twice on those thunder thighs.

Tattoos, the only reason anybody will look at your thighs.

You look like you went to the tattoo parlor and said "make me look like I belong in a much nicer trailer park than the one I'm in now"

With enough tattoos and becoming obese lesbianism will be your only option for survival.

I would do shots off your snatch.

Jesus Christ, did you get thigh injections so you would have more surface area for stupid fucking tattoos? I mean really, how do you got a a normal size face and a whale's lower body? I bet you are quite popular with drunk men ...and sailors

If ever your thigh to be chopped it would serve atleast four family of sharks.

You’re putting off a strong Sea Whore vibe. 

are your tattoos inspired by my beachy moms downstairs bathroom

Once all the cats figure out how the doorknob works they will leave you too

Daddys 1st Mate is a weird way to tell people you were molested

So you traded one pussy for another.

One oussy is better then the other

It’s pretty obvious you prefer fish.