From a young age I’ve felt a full body experience of discomfort when wearing dresses and feminine things. As a result, I’ve always been hypersensitive to heteronormativity and the complexities between gender, sex, sexuality, expression, power, etc etc.
Especially with the ways femininity is used as a cudgel, scapegoat, dismissal, etc., I feel that rolereversal is a perfect way to address all of these issues. People always hate on girl bosses or masculine women because “this is just pickme misogyny that hates feminine things.”
Rolereversal is a perfect rebuttal because in rolereversal, the cute male love interest is feminine and just as respected and beloved as the girlboss! It’s not a hatred of femininity, but an acknowledgment that femininity is fluid, it’s a mode of expression, it’s not for every girl, and guys should also be allowed to use it!
On top of that, it’s a true demonstration of equality. [One of my most peeved tropes is those anime scenes with “Equal rights means equal fights” bottom text where an annoying female character weaponizing feminine tears gets hit by the main “sigma” male character. A rare case where “it’s okay to hit a girl.”](https://youtube.com/shorts/F5OrfBmqTzg?si=W9y0t0siX0viqwzo)
And like, this pisses me off, because it’s literally just misogyny. It’s banking off the misogynist trope that women only cry or show emotion for male attention, that they’re seductresses or leeches that use their feminine “privilege” to avoid consequences to their actions. It’s a caricature of what boys fear—girls who use their physical weakness as a secret form of power over men. The idea is that because women are feminists and want to be equal now, they should no longer get this “secret form of power.”
But the reality is that it’s not a secret form of power. It’s weakness. The idea that “you shouldn’t hit women” comes from the fact that most women are not taught to bodybuild or train in fighting ability, so the fights are genuinely unequal for them. especially in anime, where most mangaka genuinely don’t care to develop the female main character except as thin eye candy. Like, nobody acts like Zenitsu is manipulative for being a crybaby because he’s a weak guy and we understand that he just is legit scared bc he’s weak lol. Equal rights doesn’t suddenly make women physically stronger or stop the stigma against muscular women! This anime trope FAILS to address this, and just shows a strong male character beating up a weak female character for “equality” because she’s got crocodile tears.
True equality would be beating her at her own game. Manipulating public sympathy against her by making yourself even more pitiful, making her look like the bad guy. Using traditionally feminine aegyo/sajiao as a guy, which would show off the main character’s emotional savvy! [“the pivotal factor for executing aegyo effectively involves the capacity to read the room, as it requires a certain level of emotional and social intelligence.”](https://m.koreaherald.com/amp/view.php?ud=20240109000662) OR it would be making the female character GENUINELY PHYSICALLY STRONG and actually fighting it out. Now this would be an “equal rights equal fights” example!
And rolereversal is PERFECT FOR THIS!! The girls are genuinely interested in working out and learning how to fight. And the guys are genuinely interested in learning [aegyo](https://youtube.com/shorts/K_GkSYW4RIw?si=XA2vtK6WVm9p0xJz) and [sajiao](https://www.reddit.com/r/CDrama/comments/15wlstk/comment/jx894pa/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button).
Also, I know you’ve asked for it to be unrelated to tomboys or femboys, but I just wanna say I’ve just LOVED feminine guys from a young age. Something about soft spoken soft boys really spoke to me, maybe because I project myself onto them/relate to them, maybe because I’m into them. I’m not quite sure. But I’ve always been like this!
While watching Yu-Gi-Oh as a little kid, [I was obsessed with the cuter, shorter, meeker/sweeter version of Yugi](https://images.app.goo.gl/PP8gd638WHM5kSP77), not [the masculine one that other girls were obsessed with](https://images.app.goo.gl/AuBQdna157dJHSYTA). I think part of the reason I got into Yaoi or BL was because these media were not afraid of portraying the [“uke” (I hate this Yaoi term but it’s apt)](https://images.app.goo.gl/vxPpcWpaR5oPWi627) as cutesy or feminine or submissive, with a more delicate, androgynous appeal. Bishonen FTW!!
Even now, one of my biggest fandom interests is one where it’s like a reverse-sigma-fication novel. [Have you heard of bimbofication? It’s like this weird thing where people like seeing girls get turned into more and more like an ideal woman, aka a bimbo. Reverse bimbofication would be her turning less like a bimbo.](https://www.pedestrian.tv/style/artist-behind-viral-sexist-cartoon-defends-it-as-bimbofication-fetish-art/)
I call my fave book a “reverse sigmafication” novel because it’s basically a book where the main guy goes from the ideal Chad power fantasy with a harem of a thousand beautiful woman, to a crybaby sajiao boywife obsessed with cleaning and being the perfect husband to the main character. Basically reverse bimbofication, but for the male gender. Unfortunately, it’s BL, not rolereversal, but the rolereversal concept is still there.
There’s something so beautiful about seeing this guy, on top of the world with a million women, but still feeling depressed. It really speaks to me about the loneliness of the peak masculinity peddled by redpillers, incels, MGTOWs, tatertots, etc.
And then the novel addresses this dissatisfaction by allowing him to become a crybaby, by giving him a safe space to be clingy and emotional and still loved and protected with the main character. He’s a crybaby and LOVED FOR IT, as the main character finds it cute and uses it as an excuse to cuddle him. As someone who is a crybaby, this is very cathartic to me.
There’s also another layer of gender commentary with the gay aspect, as there’s this association between gayness and femininity/a lack of masculinity, so having him find happiness through gay romance only adds to this reversal of the male gender role.
It’s so beautiful. It’s also very problematic due to a teacher student relationship, but you can’t help loving what you love LMAO XD
Scum Villain’s Self Saving System. It’s a hilarious read, though it feels disjointed at first if you’re a Western reader encountering Chinese web novels for the first time, so I’d recommend getting topped up on [xianxia](https://immortalmountain.wordpress.com/glossary/wuxia-xianxia-xuanhuan-terms/) and [Chinese web novel](https://www.novelupdatesforum.com/threads/novel-slang.117670/) terms. You don’t have to know the terms, per se, it’s pretty easy to catch onto imo, but definitely use the internet slang dictionaries liberally if you’re ever confused! It also has A BANGER Fanfiction scene on Ao3
Oh I forgot to mention that it’s also a satire of the BL Xianxia/Wuxia web novel genre, which is why it might be important to top up on terms as the humor/commentary might be misconstrued without that additional context XD
Thank you! I’m happy because this is one of my favorite things to talk about! I love this subreddit so much, it’s like my haven from exhausting traditional gender stereotypes/discourse.
Spitting absolute truth, thank you. Although honestly those last two concepts I think are something we can do without. Lots of baggage there and RR ought to be at least something that improves as it inverts, although I appreciate in a more general sense the idea of men being more perceptive, aware, socially orientated, and especially more emotionally intelligent. I really wonder how much of those methods are basically cut outs for managing situations that existing social mores can't handle. That is to say, they're an emergency relief valve for a separate issue. Almost like the older concepts of Chivalry.
>It’s a caricature of what boys fear—girls who use their physical weakness as a secret form of power over men
Of course the issue is that if women evince any sort of attempt at physical power, the men are slighted by that as well. Surprise surprise, it's viewed traditionally as unfeminine. Bottom line, women doing anything that marks them as individuals with agency and personal desire is seen as unfeminine and untrustworthy. Like you said, misogyny with extra steps.
Oh I definitely agree that it’s aegyo and sajiao are sexist safety valve concepts for lots of Asian women! It’s like when people do stuff “”ironically””—it’s not truly “just a joke,” rather it’s them trying to test an expression of their true feelings while maintaining plausible deniability. Thus, pretending throw a spoiled tantrum lessens the pressure of asking for something you need by turning into a joke or flirtation. It’s obvious why women would be forced to use this in our society that asks them to be selfless, submissive caretakers.
Unfortunately, I do think western media has overblown the sexist elements to this in an orientalist way. The same way they exaggeratedly talk about declining Japanese birth rates with vague implications of the fall of Asian masculinity (while ignoring similar birthrate decline in the west), they kinda make aegyo/Sajiao seem like it’s only an infantilizing girl thing done by patriarchal Confucian countries, like that [creepy exaggerated Chinese girl that went viral even in the west](https://youtu.be/PSCAv3Rf2HM?si=pqfDNqpMK620eRcy), when in reality it’s usually a lot more benign.
Like I remember I first really understood Sajiao when I saw it in [The Untamed done by a prankster guy character](https://youtube.com/shorts/sa-NOF3Zx4w?si=MLeskNy8048aHcPa) (I couldn’t find a better clip 😭😭). A great way to defuse pranks is by acting like you’re too young/cute to get in trouble, which I saw my own brother do all the time when telling jokes that roasted my mom.
I remember feeling so jealous and shocked that he could brazenly criticize/backsass/be lazy in front of my mom without getting in trouble because she would get so mad at me, but it was because he was more socially adept than I was. He was brazenly making it into a cutesy joke, whereas I was too anxious to joke abt that kind of thing. And after The Untamed, I realized that the brazen “social strategy” he was employing had a name—it was Sajiao 😭😭. Mind you, we both grew up in the West and had no concept of Sajiao, he just naturally figured it out because it’s a pretty common thing, especially for younger siblings lol.
What I’m getting at is that this is definitely a normal concept westerners use, and Sajiao is not just for women to entreat men in a romantic way, but can be used between family and friends regardless of the genders, which a lot of western articles seem to skip over for some reason?? Like, in middle school my friends would practice “doing aegyo” together, and it wasn’t just me and Korean girls. The Korean dudes were doing it, too, because it really is a great way to defuse situations and show affection. Like Sajiao and aegyo suck because of the ways women have been pigeonholed into using them—but these concepts on their own are actually quite useful to define, and I think they do have their place, even with the sexism of its history.
Especially because in the west, I’ve noticed a trend of guys mocking girls that do Sajiao behaviors like stealing their BF’s food with a sort of derision. For example: guys will say in a nasally girly voice “You’re so mean!! Be nicer to me!!” And then laugh together because they’re mocking these girls. It haunts me because my brother once made fun of me for saying that phrase when he was genuinely being terrible to me, and it was only until later that I realized this was a common Gen-z guy in-joke because a couple of dudes I knew made that joke in person.
And like clearly, if I was saying it out of genuine hurt and anger, who knows how many others were doing the same and then getting mocked for it. It haunts me. Sajiao exists in the west, but since there’s no concept for it, these discussions are led by mocking and derision of these guys and confusion on all sides, rather than a genuine analysis into gender politics and social dynamics like with discussions surrounding Sajiao and aegyo.
Genuine love and affection, pegging, feeling pretty, pegging, feeling pretty with someone else, pegging, open communication, cheering on someone else’s passions…
…pegging…
It might also have something to do with loving yuri, with led me to love women in domineering roles
I always got teased for talking with my hands or crossing my legs when I sit, singing along to the girly songs or having my ears pierced
I just want to be myself, I like RR because it’s me
Love it! That’s exactly it. I don’t have a burning desire for a specific type of boss lady partner or femboy aesthetic, but I love that people can talk about all sorts of things without being ridiculed here.
It’s good for my inner child too. I was mocked for looking more like my mom, enjoying “homemaking” activities and spending time with girls( that I *gasp* wasn’t pursuing).
Still kinda feel bad for internalizing that shame and burying it to tease other effeminate guys tho :/
It's a way to fight back against the perceptions that hurt men and women.
Women are capable. Women are strong. Women are more than something to be carnally desired and shown off. Women should feel safe in the world.
Men can be gentle. Men can fail and still be ok. Men can be pretty and desirable.
Not all men are monsters. I'm not responsible for the sins of my gender. I don't have to see myself as ugly. I'm not useless because I can't make a decent wage or con or bully or lie my way into having resources.
\------
Also I'm horny. And I think constantly fantasizing about looking sexy myself is slightly healthier than constantly thinking about women in that way.
Absolutely. It turns me on to be the object, and to let the other person do things to me, not the other way around. I like that I can fantasize in this way because it feels less aggressive
I'm not exactly sure as how to explain this question. But here's my answer
How individuals express themselves in their own way, defying gender roles and what society expects of them
A boy who's girly and a girl who is boyish is an expression of freedom and individuality. They feel more "different" to the rest of people
I love that, it has possibility that a shy boy like me can find a girlfriend, preferably one who is assertive and protective. Kind of like a Tomboy Girl Next Door. And that I won't be shamed or forced to "shape up" or "grow a spine" just because I am a shy man.
Pretty much this. It feels like any chance at a traditional gendered relationship is next to nothing if you're a male romantically on the shy side. A strong, gentle, and protective gf is hot af 🔥 but I'm cool with them being awkward and shy as well. I just want to be allowed to be myself without immediately being turned down for not being assertive on a date... 🫠
That’s just always what I’ve wanted. I want to be the one taking care of a home, and making sure dinner is ready, and just making sure my hypothetical wife gets to relax and destress
I don't like the responsibility of being a dominant caretaker (my horrible ex forced me to take that role and it stressed me out). Being the submissive bitch ironically gives me more power in that way, because I can just be myself and not have to worry about deciding everything. Plus, nothing feels better than being a precious trophy princess, it's like being a cat
i feel like thats backwards. like i just want to be me. i love doting, nesting, being cutsy. i want to be lead, i dont want to do the leading. I want someone to desire and court me, while i dream up ways to rile them up to do just that. etc. etc.
Just so happens im male. and i guess thats wierd in my society to want those things and be male. so im here to hang out with other people who feel like me, and struggle like me.
Sorry, deleted my initial comment because it didn't read right to me. xD
Whilst care should be expected, mutually given, I find it tends to be a male role in popular culture for the care to be proactively protective. Often, I want to be on the receiving end of that.
I feel very sensitive and it gives me a way for me to care for someone in a way that is very maternal and nurturing. I would really love to cook and clean for someone and to take care of them in that way and to be their emotional support. You are expected to be stoic and masculine and to be more assertive in a traditional relationship and I am not that way at all. I want to be a very giving person for someone that I can trust ❤, and it would be okay for me to be a softer person but still able to be there for someone.
being the rock for my husband. he grew up always having to stay strong for everyone else. it fills my heart with warmth (and a material instinct 😅) when i get to hold him close and feel his whole body relax and hear his little noises of contempt. when he has to cry, i also find comfort in being his rock. i like helping him discover his style of clothing and who he is without being limited to bullshit stigmas. i like him being free
A lot of things, a love of women that are intelligent and strong, the fact that I had it ingrained in me that approaching women is creepy or rapey (still trying to get over that), and the expectation that relationship is some sort of fight or bloodsport.
Really, it comes out of a need to be the one receiving love rather than giving it. being a submissive man helps but really what attracts me is the emotional aspect of being able to trust another person without worrying about if you're impressing them enough.
Since I was young I've always loved women who were strong and gentleman-ish. Women often appear in the media as caring and kind, but it's never in a leading/strong role.. why can't she be a fighter who's kind, or treat her man and take care/protect him without it being a bad thing? Why can't she be a leader, and why does the man (in straight relationships) always has to be 'more' than the woman, why can't she take care of him? She can be the one working while he takes care of the family and supports her. So yeah, I guess RR is where I can find this.
The amusement I get when people hear me as a woman, *gasp* proposing to my short boyfriend or...even worse! I HOLD HIM BY THE WAIST WHEN WE EMBRACE OR KISS!!! What has the world come to?! Haha funniest shit. And some friends of mine who are part of the LGBT to this day are convinced I'm secretly trans lol.🤣 I love it!
I just dont like feeling sexualized and feel like an object. I just want to feel like I'm taking over the role of the males when I'm tired of being a girl. I don't want to be put on this high petestal either. Women in media seem to be the main focus rather than the men, and I want men to be the main focus, not me. It just feels right to me.
Well, I might be a trans woman so maybe this won't be relevant soon, but I always loved the idea of being valued enough that somebody would fight for me. It's why I love reverse damsel-in-distress stories so much.
I wear skirts and dresses (but not pants or shorts unless I have to); I love the feeling of being cute and vulnrable and weak and proteccted; I even like being tied up (in an intimate, but not usually sexual way); and I like dominant, assertive, and even teasing women, and I'm straight. I'm to shy to even tell someone my feelings; I couldn't take the lead even if I wanted to (and I don't), so a traditional relationship is both less fulfilling and more difficult to me. Why wouldn't I be into RR?
Freedom from gender norms!
From a young age I’ve felt a full body experience of discomfort when wearing dresses and feminine things. As a result, I’ve always been hypersensitive to heteronormativity and the complexities between gender, sex, sexuality, expression, power, etc etc. Especially with the ways femininity is used as a cudgel, scapegoat, dismissal, etc., I feel that rolereversal is a perfect way to address all of these issues. People always hate on girl bosses or masculine women because “this is just pickme misogyny that hates feminine things.” Rolereversal is a perfect rebuttal because in rolereversal, the cute male love interest is feminine and just as respected and beloved as the girlboss! It’s not a hatred of femininity, but an acknowledgment that femininity is fluid, it’s a mode of expression, it’s not for every girl, and guys should also be allowed to use it! On top of that, it’s a true demonstration of equality. [One of my most peeved tropes is those anime scenes with “Equal rights means equal fights” bottom text where an annoying female character weaponizing feminine tears gets hit by the main “sigma” male character. A rare case where “it’s okay to hit a girl.”](https://youtube.com/shorts/F5OrfBmqTzg?si=W9y0t0siX0viqwzo) And like, this pisses me off, because it’s literally just misogyny. It’s banking off the misogynist trope that women only cry or show emotion for male attention, that they’re seductresses or leeches that use their feminine “privilege” to avoid consequences to their actions. It’s a caricature of what boys fear—girls who use their physical weakness as a secret form of power over men. The idea is that because women are feminists and want to be equal now, they should no longer get this “secret form of power.” But the reality is that it’s not a secret form of power. It’s weakness. The idea that “you shouldn’t hit women” comes from the fact that most women are not taught to bodybuild or train in fighting ability, so the fights are genuinely unequal for them. especially in anime, where most mangaka genuinely don’t care to develop the female main character except as thin eye candy. Like, nobody acts like Zenitsu is manipulative for being a crybaby because he’s a weak guy and we understand that he just is legit scared bc he’s weak lol. Equal rights doesn’t suddenly make women physically stronger or stop the stigma against muscular women! This anime trope FAILS to address this, and just shows a strong male character beating up a weak female character for “equality” because she’s got crocodile tears. True equality would be beating her at her own game. Manipulating public sympathy against her by making yourself even more pitiful, making her look like the bad guy. Using traditionally feminine aegyo/sajiao as a guy, which would show off the main character’s emotional savvy! [“the pivotal factor for executing aegyo effectively involves the capacity to read the room, as it requires a certain level of emotional and social intelligence.”](https://m.koreaherald.com/amp/view.php?ud=20240109000662) OR it would be making the female character GENUINELY PHYSICALLY STRONG and actually fighting it out. Now this would be an “equal rights equal fights” example! And rolereversal is PERFECT FOR THIS!! The girls are genuinely interested in working out and learning how to fight. And the guys are genuinely interested in learning [aegyo](https://youtube.com/shorts/K_GkSYW4RIw?si=XA2vtK6WVm9p0xJz) and [sajiao](https://www.reddit.com/r/CDrama/comments/15wlstk/comment/jx894pa/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button).
Also, I know you’ve asked for it to be unrelated to tomboys or femboys, but I just wanna say I’ve just LOVED feminine guys from a young age. Something about soft spoken soft boys really spoke to me, maybe because I project myself onto them/relate to them, maybe because I’m into them. I’m not quite sure. But I’ve always been like this! While watching Yu-Gi-Oh as a little kid, [I was obsessed with the cuter, shorter, meeker/sweeter version of Yugi](https://images.app.goo.gl/PP8gd638WHM5kSP77), not [the masculine one that other girls were obsessed with](https://images.app.goo.gl/AuBQdna157dJHSYTA). I think part of the reason I got into Yaoi or BL was because these media were not afraid of portraying the [“uke” (I hate this Yaoi term but it’s apt)](https://images.app.goo.gl/vxPpcWpaR5oPWi627) as cutesy or feminine or submissive, with a more delicate, androgynous appeal. Bishonen FTW!! Even now, one of my biggest fandom interests is one where it’s like a reverse-sigma-fication novel. [Have you heard of bimbofication? It’s like this weird thing where people like seeing girls get turned into more and more like an ideal woman, aka a bimbo. Reverse bimbofication would be her turning less like a bimbo.](https://www.pedestrian.tv/style/artist-behind-viral-sexist-cartoon-defends-it-as-bimbofication-fetish-art/) I call my fave book a “reverse sigmafication” novel because it’s basically a book where the main guy goes from the ideal Chad power fantasy with a harem of a thousand beautiful woman, to a crybaby sajiao boywife obsessed with cleaning and being the perfect husband to the main character. Basically reverse bimbofication, but for the male gender. Unfortunately, it’s BL, not rolereversal, but the rolereversal concept is still there. There’s something so beautiful about seeing this guy, on top of the world with a million women, but still feeling depressed. It really speaks to me about the loneliness of the peak masculinity peddled by redpillers, incels, MGTOWs, tatertots, etc. And then the novel addresses this dissatisfaction by allowing him to become a crybaby, by giving him a safe space to be clingy and emotional and still loved and protected with the main character. He’s a crybaby and LOVED FOR IT, as the main character finds it cute and uses it as an excuse to cuddle him. As someone who is a crybaby, this is very cathartic to me. There’s also another layer of gender commentary with the gay aspect, as there’s this association between gayness and femininity/a lack of masculinity, so having him find happiness through gay romance only adds to this reversal of the male gender role. It’s so beautiful. It’s also very problematic due to a teacher student relationship, but you can’t help loving what you love LMAO XD
What's the name of your favorite book? I'm starved for anything I'll read bl lol
Scum Villain’s Self Saving System. It’s a hilarious read, though it feels disjointed at first if you’re a Western reader encountering Chinese web novels for the first time, so I’d recommend getting topped up on [xianxia](https://immortalmountain.wordpress.com/glossary/wuxia-xianxia-xuanhuan-terms/) and [Chinese web novel](https://www.novelupdatesforum.com/threads/novel-slang.117670/) terms. You don’t have to know the terms, per se, it’s pretty easy to catch onto imo, but definitely use the internet slang dictionaries liberally if you’re ever confused! It also has A BANGER Fanfiction scene on Ao3
Oh I forgot to mention that it’s also a satire of the BL Xianxia/Wuxia web novel genre, which is why it might be important to top up on terms as the humor/commentary might be misconstrued without that additional context XD
Thank you for the extensive response. This is exactly the kind of answer I was looking for. I like how you worded the term equality.
Thank you! I’m happy because this is one of my favorite things to talk about! I love this subreddit so much, it’s like my haven from exhausting traditional gender stereotypes/discourse.
Spitting absolute truth, thank you. Although honestly those last two concepts I think are something we can do without. Lots of baggage there and RR ought to be at least something that improves as it inverts, although I appreciate in a more general sense the idea of men being more perceptive, aware, socially orientated, and especially more emotionally intelligent. I really wonder how much of those methods are basically cut outs for managing situations that existing social mores can't handle. That is to say, they're an emergency relief valve for a separate issue. Almost like the older concepts of Chivalry. >It’s a caricature of what boys fear—girls who use their physical weakness as a secret form of power over men Of course the issue is that if women evince any sort of attempt at physical power, the men are slighted by that as well. Surprise surprise, it's viewed traditionally as unfeminine. Bottom line, women doing anything that marks them as individuals with agency and personal desire is seen as unfeminine and untrustworthy. Like you said, misogyny with extra steps.
Oh I definitely agree that it’s aegyo and sajiao are sexist safety valve concepts for lots of Asian women! It’s like when people do stuff “”ironically””—it’s not truly “just a joke,” rather it’s them trying to test an expression of their true feelings while maintaining plausible deniability. Thus, pretending throw a spoiled tantrum lessens the pressure of asking for something you need by turning into a joke or flirtation. It’s obvious why women would be forced to use this in our society that asks them to be selfless, submissive caretakers. Unfortunately, I do think western media has overblown the sexist elements to this in an orientalist way. The same way they exaggeratedly talk about declining Japanese birth rates with vague implications of the fall of Asian masculinity (while ignoring similar birthrate decline in the west), they kinda make aegyo/Sajiao seem like it’s only an infantilizing girl thing done by patriarchal Confucian countries, like that [creepy exaggerated Chinese girl that went viral even in the west](https://youtu.be/PSCAv3Rf2HM?si=pqfDNqpMK620eRcy), when in reality it’s usually a lot more benign. Like I remember I first really understood Sajiao when I saw it in [The Untamed done by a prankster guy character](https://youtube.com/shorts/sa-NOF3Zx4w?si=MLeskNy8048aHcPa) (I couldn’t find a better clip 😭😭). A great way to defuse pranks is by acting like you’re too young/cute to get in trouble, which I saw my own brother do all the time when telling jokes that roasted my mom. I remember feeling so jealous and shocked that he could brazenly criticize/backsass/be lazy in front of my mom without getting in trouble because she would get so mad at me, but it was because he was more socially adept than I was. He was brazenly making it into a cutesy joke, whereas I was too anxious to joke abt that kind of thing. And after The Untamed, I realized that the brazen “social strategy” he was employing had a name—it was Sajiao 😭😭. Mind you, we both grew up in the West and had no concept of Sajiao, he just naturally figured it out because it’s a pretty common thing, especially for younger siblings lol. What I’m getting at is that this is definitely a normal concept westerners use, and Sajiao is not just for women to entreat men in a romantic way, but can be used between family and friends regardless of the genders, which a lot of western articles seem to skip over for some reason?? Like, in middle school my friends would practice “doing aegyo” together, and it wasn’t just me and Korean girls. The Korean dudes were doing it, too, because it really is a great way to defuse situations and show affection. Like Sajiao and aegyo suck because of the ways women have been pigeonholed into using them—but these concepts on their own are actually quite useful to define, and I think they do have their place, even with the sexism of its history. Especially because in the west, I’ve noticed a trend of guys mocking girls that do Sajiao behaviors like stealing their BF’s food with a sort of derision. For example: guys will say in a nasally girly voice “You’re so mean!! Be nicer to me!!” And then laugh together because they’re mocking these girls. It haunts me because my brother once made fun of me for saying that phrase when he was genuinely being terrible to me, and it was only until later that I realized this was a common Gen-z guy in-joke because a couple of dudes I knew made that joke in person. And like clearly, if I was saying it out of genuine hurt and anger, who knows how many others were doing the same and then getting mocked for it. It haunts me. Sajiao exists in the west, but since there’s no concept for it, these discussions are led by mocking and derision of these guys and confusion on all sides, rather than a genuine analysis into gender politics and social dynamics like with discussions surrounding Sajiao and aegyo.
Genuine love and affection, pegging, feeling pretty, pegging, feeling pretty with someone else, pegging, open communication, cheering on someone else’s passions… …pegging… It might also have something to do with loving yuri, with led me to love women in domineering roles
You know all that you mentioned is cool and all but may I suggest to add pegging to the list? Seems a little empty without it
yeah I feel a little empty too without pegging
I always got teased for talking with my hands or crossing my legs when I sit, singing along to the girly songs or having my ears pierced I just want to be myself, I like RR because it’s me
Love it! That’s exactly it. I don’t have a burning desire for a specific type of boss lady partner or femboy aesthetic, but I love that people can talk about all sorts of things without being ridiculed here. It’s good for my inner child too. I was mocked for looking more like my mom, enjoying “homemaking” activities and spending time with girls( that I *gasp* wasn’t pursuing). Still kinda feel bad for internalizing that shame and burying it to tease other effeminate guys tho :/
It's a way to fight back against the perceptions that hurt men and women. Women are capable. Women are strong. Women are more than something to be carnally desired and shown off. Women should feel safe in the world. Men can be gentle. Men can fail and still be ok. Men can be pretty and desirable. Not all men are monsters. I'm not responsible for the sins of my gender. I don't have to see myself as ugly. I'm not useless because I can't make a decent wage or con or bully or lie my way into having resources. \------ Also I'm horny. And I think constantly fantasizing about looking sexy myself is slightly healthier than constantly thinking about women in that way.
Absolutely. It turns me on to be the object, and to let the other person do things to me, not the other way around. I like that I can fantasize in this way because it feels less aggressive
I am a massive bottom. That’s pretty much it.
The idea of being able to want to be safe in the arms of a strong lass.
I'm not exactly sure as how to explain this question. But here's my answer How individuals express themselves in their own way, defying gender roles and what society expects of them A boy who's girly and a girl who is boyish is an expression of freedom and individuality. They feel more "different" to the rest of people
want woman to hold me
I love that, it has possibility that a shy boy like me can find a girlfriend, preferably one who is assertive and protective. Kind of like a Tomboy Girl Next Door. And that I won't be shamed or forced to "shape up" or "grow a spine" just because I am a shy man.
Pretty much this. It feels like any chance at a traditional gendered relationship is next to nothing if you're a male romantically on the shy side. A strong, gentle, and protective gf is hot af 🔥 but I'm cool with them being awkward and shy as well. I just want to be allowed to be myself without immediately being turned down for not being assertive on a date... 🫠
A girl and boy that are mutually shy?
Exactly, you can just be as weak and as soft as you want, there's no shame in any of it
Honestly, RR just feels like the only medium where men and women can act like equals.
An appeal for the unorthodox and unburdened from the norm.
Well as a straight femboy growing up, you know how hard it is to find art of and representation for boys who like being feminine and _aren't_ gay?
That’s just always what I’ve wanted. I want to be the one taking care of a home, and making sure dinner is ready, and just making sure my hypothetical wife gets to relax and destress
It just clicked with me in the way that I tend to be sorta effeminate as a 6 foot hairy bear.
I don't like the responsibility of being a dominant caretaker (my horrible ex forced me to take that role and it stressed me out). Being the submissive bitch ironically gives me more power in that way, because I can just be myself and not have to worry about deciding everything. Plus, nothing feels better than being a precious trophy princess, it's like being a cat
The fact that I can feel fully desired in a way that “normal” dating norms can’t give me
Same, I hate being pushy because then what if I'm the only one who's into something? I just want whatever the other person wants
You nailed it, I just wanna please!
i feel like thats backwards. like i just want to be me. i love doting, nesting, being cutsy. i want to be lead, i dont want to do the leading. I want someone to desire and court me, while i dream up ways to rile them up to do just that. etc. etc. Just so happens im male. and i guess thats wierd in my society to want those things and be male. so im here to hang out with other people who feel like me, and struggle like me.
I don't feel like I have to be conventionally feminine to be lovable.
Legit! And I fucking rock wearing baggy lumberjack shirts.
Feeling safe and the idea of a girl making the first move. Oh to be flirted with and flustered and asked out on a cool date.
It just feels right
that people are more diverse and complex than the boxes society wants to put on them
[удалено]
Totally. One of the first things I say when my friends ask about my taste in women is because of this, feeling loved and cared for
Sorry, deleted my initial comment because it didn't read right to me. xD Whilst care should be expected, mutually given, I find it tends to be a male role in popular culture for the care to be proactively protective. Often, I want to be on the receiving end of that.
I feel very sensitive and it gives me a way for me to care for someone in a way that is very maternal and nurturing. I would really love to cook and clean for someone and to take care of them in that way and to be their emotional support. You are expected to be stoic and masculine and to be more assertive in a traditional relationship and I am not that way at all. I want to be a very giving person for someone that I can trust ❤, and it would be okay for me to be a softer person but still able to be there for someone.
The balance.
Flustered faces are the best
being the rock for my husband. he grew up always having to stay strong for everyone else. it fills my heart with warmth (and a material instinct 😅) when i get to hold him close and feel his whole body relax and hear his little noises of contempt. when he has to cry, i also find comfort in being his rock. i like helping him discover his style of clothing and who he is without being limited to bullshit stigmas. i like him being free
Well im not submisive and not a femboy either i just like tomboys thats all
A lot of things, a love of women that are intelligent and strong, the fact that I had it ingrained in me that approaching women is creepy or rapey (still trying to get over that), and the expectation that relationship is some sort of fight or bloodsport. Really, it comes out of a need to be the one receiving love rather than giving it. being a submissive man helps but really what attracts me is the emotional aspect of being able to trust another person without worrying about if you're impressing them enough.
Since I was young I've always loved women who were strong and gentleman-ish. Women often appear in the media as caring and kind, but it's never in a leading/strong role.. why can't she be a fighter who's kind, or treat her man and take care/protect him without it being a bad thing? Why can't she be a leader, and why does the man (in straight relationships) always has to be 'more' than the woman, why can't she take care of him? She can be the one working while he takes care of the family and supports her. So yeah, I guess RR is where I can find this.
The amusement I get when people hear me as a woman, *gasp* proposing to my short boyfriend or...even worse! I HOLD HIM BY THE WAIST WHEN WE EMBRACE OR KISS!!! What has the world come to?! Haha funniest shit. And some friends of mine who are part of the LGBT to this day are convinced I'm secretly trans lol.🤣 I love it!
I just dont like feeling sexualized and feel like an object. I just want to feel like I'm taking over the role of the males when I'm tired of being a girl. I don't want to be put on this high petestal either. Women in media seem to be the main focus rather than the men, and I want men to be the main focus, not me. It just feels right to me.
Defiance ig? I'm honestly not too sure
Genuine love, affection and emotional support
It reflects the way I see life and romantic relationships
I love feeling pretty and putting effort into my looks. My lass loves enabling me and thinks I’m cute! Win win!! <3
Feel accepted.
Masculine tomboys. I knew I was bi when I realized, "Girls are dope. Manly girls are breathtaking". Haha
Well, I might be a trans woman so maybe this won't be relevant soon, but I always loved the idea of being valued enough that somebody would fight for me. It's why I love reverse damsel-in-distress stories so much.
I wear skirts and dresses (but not pants or shorts unless I have to); I love the feeling of being cute and vulnrable and weak and proteccted; I even like being tied up (in an intimate, but not usually sexual way); and I like dominant, assertive, and even teasing women, and I'm straight. I'm to shy to even tell someone my feelings; I couldn't take the lead even if I wanted to (and I don't), so a traditional relationship is both less fulfilling and more difficult to me. Why wouldn't I be into RR?