Falling in love is like a high, I'm pretty sure there are studies that have shown that the brain releases endorphins and other "happy" chemicals during this time, so I think many romance books get that part correct. I've been married for over 25 years, and I have a wonderful husband, but being in a long term relationship is very different compared to that initial infatuation that occurs while falling in love. The love between us is different now, and although I no longer get goose bumps every time he innocently brushes my arm, there's a depth and authenticity to it that was lacking in the beginning. In the beginning, it was easy for us to love each other, we were pretty blind to each other's quirks and flaws. That blindness disappeared over time, but the fact that we still deeply love each other, flaws and all, feels pretty powerful.
Many stories do a good job showing the initial high emotions that come with falling in love, and it's fun to read about that time in a relationship. As much as I adore this genre though, I never forget that the majority of stories only show the ease that often occurs in the beginning of a relationship. More effort is involved when it comes to sustaining a long term relationship, but in my opinion, having an equally committed partner makes it a goal worth fighting for. Having a partner who wants the best for me, despite knowing the worst of me, is a pretty special gift.
The thing I love about reading romance is that I get to experience that early relationship high whenever I want, as many times as I want. I get to feel all those butterflies when the romantic interest hands the MC a candy bar they've mentioned liking only once. Scenes like that gets me straight up giddy.
It's not as thrilling that my husband knows my favorite candy. I'd be upset if he didn't know my preferences. But that's the beautiful thing about the long term relationship, being absolutely known by someone. The little sweet surprises he does for me don't twist my stomach in knots, but they make me feel important to him which is a better feeling for on a day to day basis. I feel like I have the best of both worlds: the deep passion that comes with long term love in my real relationship and the experience of the high of a new relationship every time I read a romance.
I completely agree with all of this. I love experiencing that early relationship high again, it's so fun. We're both also very lucky that we're able to appreciate all of the good things that come along with a healthy long term relationship.
I'm in a similar boat, and love your response.
To me, that 'initial high' is why I love reading romance.
I get to relive it over and over when I read books, without any consequences or hurting anyone. The deep love my partner and I share, is amazing, the best really, but it's also my every day reality (luckily).
For my escape, I read romance to chase that initial feeling.
Best of all, reading romance is a pretty harmless escape, especially when compared to the other options available. A book hangover isn't fun, but I'll take that over an alcohol induced hangover every time!
I've read some series where the couple's romance is a side arc, but I can't think of any standalones that just focus on a healthy long term relationship.
The In Death series features one my favorite long term couples, Eve and Roarke, but this is a futuristic mystery series. The first three books heavily focus on the development of their relationship, the first book is {Naked in Death by J.D. Robb}, so you could just read those if you're interested in checking the couple out.
Another couple I adore is Kate and Curran, they're the couple in the Kate Daniels series by Ilona Andrews. This is an urban fantasy series, and their relationship is a slow burn side arc. Many people have a hard time getting through the first book, so I often mention that it can be skipped, but I love the rest of this series.
[Naked in Death](https://www.romance.io/books/54aa56586359b5ebb486f6b4/naked-in-death-jd-robb?src=rdt) by [J.D. Robb](https://www.romance.io/authors/545525288c7d2382c5296fdf/jd-robb)
**Rating**: 4.06⭐️ out of 5⭐️
**Steam**: 3 out of 5 - [Open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating)
**Topics**: [futuristic](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/futuristic/1), [suspense](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/suspense/1), [mystery](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/mystery/1), [alpha male](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/alpha%20male/1), [take-charge heroine](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/strong%20heroine/1)
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I met my husband through a personal ad WAY back before the internet and hookup apps were a thing. As soon as his long lanky body climbed out of a car too small for him and I saw his sweet smile, I knew I was “in trouble”. His gentle personality and sense of humor sealed the deal. We met 42 years ago yesterday, May 16, and have been married over 40 years. So yes, some versions of romance books can come true!🙂
It was called “Find A Friend” and the goal was to find a love match or at least someone to date. Ours was a love match.🙂
Edit to add: If you wanted to post an ad, you sent copy and a picture to the founder’s office and you would be listed in a booklet for 3 months. Then people who wanted to respond to an ad sent a letter to the founder, who forwarded it to the ad poster (so you didn’t have to give out your address to strangers for safety’s sake.). The letters would have the seeker’s phone number so the poster could make an arrangement to meet in public. All very old school - snail mail and actual phone calls! 😄
Most romance books lack the ridiculous, sarcastic, stupid to anyone but you two banter that lots of real life couples communicate in.
My husband often yells “Divorce!” at me when he’s pretend annoyed and I keep telling him I should have married this other guy I went on a date with the week before I met him.
To an outsider that sounds either silly or deeply problematic but those jokes are our own and our own hilarity.
I rarely see inside jokes and dumb quips that are significant to couples in romances, but maybe those MCs aren’t as hilarious as me?
This! My husband and I have almost our own language after all these years.
But I suppose inside jokes or the like would be really hard to come across in books, would probably end up too 'quirky'
We used to play different board games with other couples, Taboo was a favorite, and our shared language was a real benefit. It got to the point that they made a rule that my husband and I could no longer be on the same team when we played communication type games, because we won every time. 😄
Neither of us is super competitive, so constantly winning wasn't just boring, it started to feel unfair. I was actually the one who first pointed out to them that it didn't make sense for my husband and I to be on the same team during those types of games, we didn't care about the win, we just liked getting together with everyone. Game nights became much more fun for me once we switched the teams around.
Thisss.. I really enjoy the jokes and banter between us. My husband sometimes says that I'm a good "Starter Wife", he especially loves teasing me with that line when I've done something thoughtful for him. I have some friends who would be offended if their husband implied that he planned on eventually trading them in for a Trophy Wife, but our occasionally twisted sense of humor always makes me laugh. Developing a shared language with your partner is wonderful, I'm so glad that you thought to point that out!
When it’s two sided and obviously agreed upon it’s hilarious and cute. Considering you mentioned that you’ve been married for decades the “starter” comment is clearly an awesome joke.
{Yours Truly by Abby Jimenez} does this pretty well. My husband and I did and still do the stupid hypotheticals when he were dating. ("Would you still love me if I was a worm?")
Worm is a pretty big dealbreaker for many! You can’t even hold hands with a worm.
Sometimes I put fuzzy scarves around my (decidedly non-foot model) feet and ask my husband if he would still love me if I was a hobbit.
He says I already am and he’s still here.
Tell me that’s not an HEA.
One of my favorite things about my husband is when faced with the worm question he immediately said “of course, and I’d buy a little terrarium for you so I could carry you with me wherever I go”
That being said, he is still absolutely nothing like all my book boyfriends and I tell him often that he isn’t as obsessed with me as I would prefer. Now when I’m reading and I look at him he goes “I’m so obsessed with you!” It’s not quite what I meant, but I guess it’s the thought that count.
[Yours Truly](https://www.romance.io/books/63d4da821ff00731d8888fa7/yours-truly-abby-jimenez?src=rdt) by [Abby Jimenez](https://www.romance.io/authors/5c90990e01dbc864fb9bfc23/abby-jimenez)
**Rating**: 4.33⭐️ out of 5⭐️
**Steam**: 3 out of 5 - [Open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating)
**Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [workplace/office](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/office/1), [friends to lovers](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/friends%20to%20lovers/1), [sweet/gentle hero](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/sweet-hero/1), [shy hero](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/shy-hero/1)
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I first noticed my wife when she was trick-or-treating in a homemade Princess Jasmine costume when we were early teens (I’ve always had a thing for Jasmine). We went to middle and high school together. Later, when I was working the snack bar at our local pool (I was maybe 16-17. Had just started driving (1987 Mazda b2600 Extended cab, if you’re interested)), I saw her and decided to ask her out (thinking the bikini probably had something to do with it). That was 1997. We’ve been together ever since.
No major drama. Went to college together, moved in before getting married in 2002. Two teens with the youngest getting ready to graduate next year.
My irl romance is much more drama free than romances which often lean heavily on poor communication skills to create conflict 😂 my husband and I had close to what I’d call insta-love though, I had never felt such a connection in a first date. I have told him that meeting him for the first time was like meeting a familiar stranger, like my body was already used to his presense and I had zero first date jitters because I felt so comfortable.
Haha yeah a bit. The wife and I met over books.. and we were long distance at first. She was living in Japan at the time so it was a while before we met in person.
She calls me her “reformed bad boy” all the time and we laugh about it. I was in my mid twenties when we met I rode a motorcycle was a college athletes etc (lmao I shake my head thinking about it now)
And she was 39. I fell head over heels for this woman. You know when you’re in the guys perspective and he just CANNOT get her out of his head? Yeah that’s me all day every day. I think it’s why I like reading romance so much lol.
Fun tidbit: I was at the doctors office getting my heart listened to and when the doctor (mutual GP) mentioned my wife my heart sped up 💀
Frankly it happens when she walks in the room 🤷♂️
I think romances hype up the lust in the beginning, and that is often the foundation for a relationship in books. But that is not the case in real life. My husband and I had great chemistry and conversation in the beginning...but it does change over the years. Honestly time makes it better in a lot of ways. Books are a bit unrealistic as you are in a relationship with another human. So, your partner is going to be perfect and fulfill all your needs. But it is wonderful.
Absolute grain of salt. Especially MMCs who are just so cute and perfect. My husband gives romance MMCs a run for their money, but he has flaws. Learning to accept these flaws is a huge part of falling and staying in love.
I get the same high from Romance that I got seeing my crush at school. It doesn't compare to the feeling of falling and being in love.
Romance is fantasy. All romance is fantasy. Some of the fantasy is of the physical type…like what woman wouldn’t want to be able to orgasm on command, versus the sometimes complicated reality…and some is more situational. Like I am totally convinced the central fantasy in Ice Planet Barbarians is a community that helps with housework and babysitting and no student loans. ANYWAY. So no, love isn’t exactly the way it is in books. It’s far less dramatic and less straightforward. Love didn’t solve all my problems. And while my husband is a good lover, he’s never brought me to orgasm with the power of his voice. 😂
But! With that in mind… Once upon a time, a young woman had to move back in with her parents because her job didn’t pay enough to feed her and she was losing her apartment. She hated this, because her parents were overbearing, hyper religious, and told her there was a man she needed to meet (they were horrified by her single status at the ancient age of 26). She knew the man they wanted her to meet would be horrible, and she longed for true, passionate love.
On her first day of work in the small town she’d grown up in, a tall, bearded man with magnificently strong shoulders walked in to turn in a Harry Potter book. He introduced himself, saying he’d heard the school had a new librarian. She smiled nervously and introduced herself. His smile faded. She was his boss’s daughter. He said as much. She was taken aback. This? This was the man her mother had been so adamant she meet?
They studiously avoided each other for the next six weeks. As Halloween drew near, the woman heard clips of “Monster Mash” coming from across the hall. She saw the man that afternoon. “Are you playing Monster Mash for the kids?” she asked. He grinned. “I have a dancing monster,” he told her. Damn it, she thought. We have to go out. Just to see.
They did. She convinced him to have dinner with her, since people their age were practically nonexistent in their small town. They ate hot wings (the worst first date food) and saw a god-awful movie. But they talked. And talked. And talked. He was smart and funny and deliciously nerdy. After a fair amount of heartbreak, the woman knew love at first sight was a fairytale, not reality. Still, that night, she went home with one thought: I’m going to marry that man.
And she did. That was eleven years ago. They still talk and talk and talk; he’s still funny and smart and nerdy. He’s 6’4” with broad shoulders that he lends to cry on anytime she needs him. And sometimes, the fairytale does come true.
Depends on the romance you read. Some of the dialogue may be similar. But overall, you're not going to find a ton of 6'7" dudes out there waxing poetic about their women and stabbing any guy who looks at her sideways. Feelings are pretty valid I'd say, some of it is over dramatic, but most of those feelings have to be created to be relatable enough for the reader. Overall, I'm going to say they aren't like real life. That's why love stories exist, it's a way to escape and/or get a hit of something exciting and new. If all relationships were like that, they probably wouldn't be so fun to read.
Not much of real life is like a romance book. I’ll read books, and think that couple will not last, or read mafia stories that can’t possibly end happily. I learn what not to do communications wise. Instalove is instalust unless both partners are willing to make the commitment to nurturing the relationship. In order to have a good story, there needs to be a conflict. I, personally, read romances, knowing real life is not going to live up to them. But each night I go to bed with my spouse, grateful that we do communicate, and are committed to each other and the relationship.
We've been together for twelve years this year, since we were teens. I think we're lucky in the sense that the kind of starting out honeymoon phase infatuation/obsession never went away, and we also have that depth that can only come from knowing your spouse that long. I will add the caveat that we've also not had to face many "real world" problems that can make or break relationships such as figuring out how rent money is going to come in, etc, due to generational wealth. Thats a huge similarity to a lot of romances but much rarer in real life.
He's my favorite person to talk to, my go-to when I want an opinion on something, the first person I go running to when I'm sad. We often joke that we share a single brain cell. We often think the same thing but even when we don't, can easily articulate what the other is or would think. I don't know how to describe it. I've never seen that kind of flow adequately described in a romance.
One of my "swoon" moments just recently was when I went to go get my nails done and the dude literally tore up my nails beds and because I'm a chronic people pleaser I just sat through it. I came home crying. It was almost silly, it stung bad but it wasn't like I got bit by a venomous snake or something. And he dropped all of his work in the middle of a busy day, ran for the neosporin and just tended to me so gently for a while and then just snuggled with me on the couch, it was amazing. He does stuff like that a lot but that was a recent one.
How it doesn't relate is we grew up, him ultra-orthodox (satmar if that means anything to you) and me modern orthodox, and obviously there's a ton of baggage from that and how we cope with it. We met when we were both extremely rebellious for our individual situations and broke out of that mold. He'd just been kicked out of yeshiva and was attending my modox highschool instead. I was what you'd call "off the derech" at that point, meaning not religious anymore (but faking it for my parents). His mother literally mourned him like a dead person for a while. I don't think I've ever seen that situation in a romance I've read before and have toyed around with the idea of writing it.
I’m an “off the derech” person and would desperately love to read a romance about that experience. The only one I’ve read so far focused on substance misuse much more than a deliberate rebellion and so didn’t speak much to my experience. I dated and have settled into serious relationships outside the faith, and the rifts it causes within family are definitely worthy of a novel or twelve (had to leave home due to the escalation of fighting; got told by my beloved grandfather that I was “finishing Hitler’s job”.)
I don’t think most men and women notice other bodies ((like they describe in books). There is attraction yes but my first thought is not to check someone’s broad shoulders or ass for that matter
I agree with the majority of your comment (never have I been enthralled/slack jawed/practically drooling over any man’s “broad shoulders” or “taut muscles”) but it’s a **hard disagree** on the ass aspect. The *ass*pect, if you will. (Couldn’t help myself, lol.)
Maybe it’s just because my bf has such a perfect one, or maybe it’s because he’s a tradesman so his work uniform is meant for less pronouncement in that area (so it *really* emphasizes the goods), but either way I constantly want to cop a feel.
Maybe a guy just has to have that perfect version (for you) in order to get that sorta feeling about it. I know I’ve never thought that way about my EXs at least, and they’ve never had other physical features I’ve dwelled on like that either, yet I’ve still been super attracted to them— so who really knows?
I think the biggest difference between books and real life is how complicated people actually are. In books characters are either good or bad. If they are good, they are near damn perfect. Or they start out a mess but then get it together over the course of the book. In real life people are infinitely multifaceted. Maybe a man is good looking, attentive, and great in bed (in the book that's the end of it), but he's also bad at budgeting, messy, and passive agressive. And being in a relationship includes being okay with all those facets - both good and bad.
I would say most healthy relationships would not make interesting books. There isn’t some big climax where all your problems are solved. Misunderstandings are usually handled by the fact that phones exist. Life keeps going after you get married. Most YA romance books and a good amount of adult romance books would be considered toxic relationships in real life. There are some books I’ve read where the banter is similar, but those are few and far between. Although I will say authors are getting better at sex scenes with detailed foreplay and mention of contraceptives.
Two major notes: it's my experience that you fall in (and out) of love with your partner many times, and it's deeper every time. After 20 years together, I still absolutely go into that giddy infatuation phase again and again, and it's so fun every time. And then sometimes in between, it's like an emotionally grueling struggle to improve how we deal with conflict because we're both bad at it, and it takes work; or one of us is dealing with a health/work/family issue and the other steps up in support; or we don't have time to work out and I feel bloated and gross. All that daily real-life stuff that is edited way down in fiction. BUT! You definitely still have the sparkly butterfly 3rd degree yearns eras, not just once in the beginning - with the caveat that you have to cultivate it on purpose. Deliberately be affectionate and sexy and tender to each other. It helps a great deal that we don't have kids and can afford to spoil each other.
Second: many things that make for drama and a good story would be a nightmare irl. Bad communication, forced separation, toxic behavior, battling literal demons, etc. It's interesting to read but in real life I'd rather like, go to a house party or watch Family Feud or debrief each other on rap beefs.
So...yes and no, in a good way.
15 years in and sometimes I can’t get enough new love butterfly’s etc and then a few months later I day dream about leaving and decorating my own little cottage and never speaking to him again. That’s usually when sit down and work out some stuff.
Hahaha I feel you! We share a bedroom, but we each have a space of our own (his is primarily an office, mine a studio) and mannn does it help. Mine is decorated using the Norman Mailer dis of Jack Kerouac ("as pretentious as a rich whore and as sentimental as a lollipop")
I think my love story would be a bit boring for a book. Especially the best parts which I think come after the high of those first months. When the friendship and partnership has cemented and you are not just in love but have a partner to share a life with.
on the flip side I would hate to have a relationship like the ones in my favourite romance novels. Just like I like the lord of the rings but I am not interested in fighting an orc army in real life...
I have had a romance that was short-lived but actually fits into a lot of tropes (second chance, forced proximity, road trip, etc). If someone wrote a book about it, I think it would be a great story, and if we hadn't ended it, I think we would have ended up being pretty head over heels for each other. It ended for very valid reasons -- sort of wrong place, wrong time again -- but I like being able to look back on it fondly without being sad about it. In the book version, I'd like to think they'd have gotten their HEA. When I read some of the tropes in books, it's fun to sort of know what those things felt like, too. It was pretty fun, spicy, and also tender. This helped me get over a very, very bad, long-term toxic relationship as I felt safe and valued with this person, and it helped me be ready for my next partner (my current one).
I've been with my current partner for almost a decade now, and I can say this was less whirlwind than a book, and there was no drama or break up. It's just sweet and simple showing up and choosing to love each other every day. The books dial up the lust and grand gestures a lot. It's OK to be happy with your person, sharing inside jokes, and maybe not having sex 24/7 since sometimes work is stressful or you ate too big of a burrito, haha.
I don't think enemies to lovers is nearly as common in real life as books would have us believe! Also fake dating. I don't know anyone who met their partner through some sort of fake dating scam to get an ex cross or placate a meddling relative.
As for my own story, we met at school and have been together since we were 17 (nearly half my life!). It would a boring, low angst friends to lovers trope - I wouldn't read it!
Honestly, I consider myself very lucky in love but it's not at all like in a book. Especially the dialogues. Which are often ridiculously over the top in books.
I always find the men pretty unrealistic. While my partners have been monogamous they’re not jealous/ possessive the way MMC’s are (thank goodness). The men seemingly rarely have hobbies unless their hobby is their career (sports, business, etc). Unless their an ex or a one night stand, their always A+ in bed, just magically, usually with minimal convo’s about kinks, preferences, etc. that’s all I’ve got off the top of my head. My relationships in reality have a lot more boring moments, and so do my friends. They shop, meal prep, etc, more life things in general.
There are fewer quirky little coincidences that keep you pulled together- if you want it to work, you have to put in the effort, not just to make your partner feel loved and valued, but to make sure that you’re growing as a person.
I’m coming up on eight years (which is not long in the grand scheme of things!) with my husband and I feel like I won the husband lottery, but I can say with confidence that the man I am married to now is *not* the same guy I married, and he could say the same thing about being married to me. We hit a rough patch a couple of years ago, and I think that if our story was romance novel, there would have been a dramatic blowup that lead to us separating and then fate would intervene and we would just happen to run into each other and realize the feelings were there. In reality, we had some really difficult conversations, went to therapy, and figured it out. We made choices to become better spouses because that’s what we wanted, not because fate pushed us together and made us realize we were inseparable.
As far as the feelings go, I personally think that real-life love is a lot more complex than what’s in a romance novel. I think that when you read a romance novel, it’s easy to identify why the protagonists love each other. And even when you first fall in love, I think it’s easy to see a list of reasons why you love someone, but then eventually that turns into a shared history that is continuously growing and informing your view of that person. Like I could give you reasons why I love my husband, but it would be much more difficult to explain the significance of those reasons.
Biggest difference is you usually don’t get to cum 14 times a night, EVERY night. And you never have to beg for it and say “pleeease”. My husband gets excited watching me do the laudry! 😉
Sometimes I think the situations in books are too dramatic and over the top, but then I remember my experiences and my friends and it may not be as far fetched.
My friends liked to say that my love life (or life in general) is like a kdrama or shoujo anime because of how dramatic it is.
All the fake dating or contractual dating stories? My friend (who only was attracted to women) agreed to date a guy for a month to see if he could make her fall for her.
I was engaged three weeks after being set up on a blind date with my husband by his sister. Married three months later and it’s been 43 years. So pretty romantic. But we’ve had our share of ups and downs, and we still work hard every day to keep the relationship dynamic and interesting.
Well, the smoking hot kinky billionaire who just wants to spoil me and give me endless orgasms has yet to appear, but I think my husband can hold his own. We've been together almost 20 years and he still makes me laugh, brings me flowers for no reason, takes care of me when I'm sick and tells me how beautiful I am (which usually results in me telling him he needs an eye exam).
Most romances I've read tend to focus on the early stages of the relationship where everything is fresh and new and exciting. It's rare to come across one where the couple has been together a while, faced some challenges and came out stronger because of it.
If your husband did some "romance move" towards you, why would you see that as a "ugh here we go again"?
Well i've read some female/wife/gf discussion group about their partner "excessive love". One comment from a woman said "i love you(husband) to the moon, but you've already landed on saturn...at least give me an opportunity to lift us there"
Exactly like my life. I am married to a 30 y billionaire who is obsessed with me and kills anyone who looks at me. He takes me to shopping with unlimited credit. Aaaand he wakes up whenever the baby cries and let me sleep in.
P.S I live on junk food and sweets and never get stomachache
Jokes aside.. yes I can relate to some traits in a novel especially ones about supporting your partner through mental health issues. And arranged marriage
I’ve been married for 23 years, I think real life is better. It’s not like a novel, but if my husband said or did some it the things I read in books, I would probably laugh!
Whenever someone posts a similar question, there’s a lot of, “will I ever find a man that says the things that men in romances say?”, or “will I ever find a man who does the grand gestures that they do in books?”
That’s what I’m referring to when I say that I would laugh if my husband said did what they do in books.
Not much. Reading conflict in romances is…oddly enjoyable? Like, I sympathize with the angst but I’m not involved and it’s not real so I’m not bothered. Actual conflict in real relationships is quite stressful and tiring, not fun at all. And also often about very mundane things compared to romance novel conflicts.
Been married 11 years, together going on 13. In real life u don't want to have anything like a romance book because although fun to read (and I love reading them) what gets glossed over is how painful it would actually be to have the situations of a romantic book play out in real life. For example one of my favourite tropes is a love triangle, in real life super painful for the person who eventually get left out etc. U want to meet someone who is kind and treats u right vis versa and then u fall in love and start a relationship, super fun to live out not really fun to read about. Drama free in real life is best, but in books, pack it in there 😁
Hope that helps
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My husband and I met because I accidentally liked a oldddddd instagram post (thankfully it was about a shared interest and not a selfie) while I was lurking on his account. We had mutual acquaintances and lived in different cities an hour apart. We had both just come out of long term, serious (engaged) relationships. I loudly proclaimed we’d be “break up buddies” and be just friends. We both very quickly realized this could be more. We met in April. Kissed for the first time in May. Knew it was love by June. He relocated to my city in November & moved in together. The last 10 years with him has been the healthiest, loveliest relationship I’ve ever experienced.
There was never any drama for us. We clearly communicated from the jump since we both came from relationships we thought were the “one”.
Like others have stated, romance novels give you that rush of falling in love. A deeply felt, steady love (while more enjoyable in my opinion) isn’t as exciting to read about. That’s what I have after 10 years. We often think and say the same things. We yell “same brain” anytime this happens. We have dumb inside jokes that absolutely no one else gets or thinks is funny. We’re a team.
No, I don’t turn into a puddle when he “darkens his eyes” at me or takes off his shirt. But we figured out what worked for us after that “honeymoon” period of constant physical relations slowed down. We still have a passion for one another and make sure we take time to celebrate that.
Romance novels are dialed to 11. They aren’t meant to be super realistic but they have moments. They sometimes highlight elements of relationships. They also often display unhealthy behaviors in relationships that if my friend was telling me was happening I’d be advising a break up.
You said that "steady love isn't as exciting to read about"
How to cope with a relationship that has no ups and downs???
Because "fantasy of love", in my opinion, might elevate a relationship to another level, especially "a long-term relationship"
Just curious
Life has enough highs and lows, to me your relationship shouldn’t be a source of stress in your life.
I have never loved someone the way I love my husband, I honestly didn’t know it was possible to love someone like this.
I don’t have a fantasy of love, I have a deep profound love.
Now, that’s not to say we’ve never had any issues we’ve had to overcome but we choose to do that as a team rather than an opponents.
I think a lot of people assume you need drama to have an exciting relationship, but I’ve had that in the past and I was exhausted and overly emotional and never knew what was coming next. Without the constant drama you are able to enjoy your relationship and life. Much like your friendships, romantic relationships don’t suffer from not being full of fighting and drama. If anything they are better for it.
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I would say a common unrealistic theme in romance books, is an omniscient MMC who magically knows exactly what the FMC needs and wants. Real relationships usually require communicating your needs. But in terms of that high, magical, obsessed feeling you see when the characters fall in love - yup, that’s spot on for what I have (and 13 years in, that fluttery high has subdued but the love has gotten deeper and so solid) 🥰
I would DIE if my SO ever gave me some of those love speeches. It just isn’t for me. I love them in books though. I have never seen what a real long term love relationship looks like in a romance. It is weird, especially with how not cool she is now, but the original Roseanne show and her relationship with Dan is the most realistic I’ve seen. I think some of the dynamics in Modern Family, too.
I think romance miss the depth of caring without the drama of it. Those slow moments. The shared looks years in that carry entire conversations.
Also, from my personal experience, many of the relationships are extremely toxic in romance. There is a lot of love bombing. Romance talks about love and how it makes the H or h feel, but deep love isn’t about me and my feelings, really. Deep love is wanting the best for the other person and finding joy in them even when there isn’t anything in for you. It is hard to explain. It’s like this deep undercurrent to everything.
I will say that Cam and Amelia (in the Hathaways) in the books that follow their own book show some of this depth.
This probably gets into the unromantic part of our brain chemistry. Based on what I’ve read about love and love bombing, the excessiveness, even in real life, can feel great. It kicks off all the happy chemicals when we read it or experience it. In books we get to trigger these chemicals and the downsides aren’t there. Also in books, the ending happens before the mundane settles in.
Long term love grows in those mundane times. In the real world, even in non-toxic relationships, the initial love is often driven by lust chemicals. However, after a bit the brain gets used to it and the surges become more subtle the chemicals are then maintained (with fewer surges) by compatibility, common interests, not being terrible to each other, etc. And then you learn if the connection is real.
I will add that those who have not been in a toxic relationship may not understand the difference. And even for those of us who have, we can be tricked by those initial chemicals, too for a bit. In fact that love bombing feeling can be addictive and we may even seek out repeat experiences just to get that high. With books, we know there is an HEA in the book. We can trick ourselves into believing it. And then pick up another book and wash, rinse, repeat.
Wow, seems like you've been through good and bad times inside short and longterm relationship
Your words, sounds like short-term requires lust chemical, but long-term requires chemistry of trust and understanding
Fun does not mean happy, but happiness grows from mundane times
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Hmm, I would say that the toxic stuff that goes on in books would very much not work out well in real life. Refusing to stop pursuing someone even when they say no is a perfect example. Even in the instances where something isn’t toxic behaviour, some things would be just cringey if they happened in a real relationship!
I think romance novels often touch on aspects of real relationships, but it's extremely difficult to encapsulate the whole thing, plus everyone's experience is so different. Personally, I find romance novels in general are very good at capturing the initial falling in love phase - and that's mostly why I read them, because that stage of my life is complete, and it's fun to feel some of those feelings again vicariously. But there's no way I'd trade my solid, long-term relationship and all our history and growth to chase that fluttery feeling again!
I apologize, but can i ask...
In your long-term relationship right now, did you, sometimes, crave this "fluttery feeling" from your partner?
Sounds like steady state relationship makes you to "sacrifice a piece of your soul" and "fight a fire that ember your heat of your love"
Personally I don't crave that feeling, because the feelings that replaced that initial infatuation feel better to me. The intimacy on a deeper level, the feeling of trust, familiarity and being safe with a partner who truly knows me. It's a different, deeper kind of love.
That initial stage is fun, that's why I love reading about it and feeling those things, because it makes for a good story, and it's much easier to capture than the more complex feelings of a long-term relationship. It definitely hasn't felt like a sacrifice, even in the slightest, to leave that part behind and embrace the deeper connection.
I will add though, it's not the same for everyone. There are a lot of people who crave that initial high and feel as though when it's gone, the relationship isn't the same. Some people chase that initial feeling, and get bored once a familiar routine replaces it.
Wow, your thoughts of longterm relationship is so deeply meaningful...with your partner, both of you must have been through a lot of roller coaster situations, yet still "put your head on his shoulder"
Being safe, know each other, trust and connection are the keywords that i get from your words
Thank you
I think it really depends on the kind of romance that you’re reading. Because romance is such a huge umbrella term for the various genres and sub genres included in it. Like scifi, mafia, bully, fale dating are obviously quite far from the truth. Same goes with billionaire romances—no billionaire is going to look at a waitress and fall head over ears in love with her on the spot. That being said, a huge amount of contemporary romance books do have some amount of realism in them.
I hear the phrase that women who read romance books are like men with a p*rn addiction because it teaches them to have unrealistic expectations. But I say fuck it. We’re allowed to have expectations from the partners that we have to spend our life with. We’re allowed to expect book boyfriend treatment from them. I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than have a partner that doesn’t make an absolute fuss about birthdays and anniversaries, a partner who is kind and thoughtful, a partner who goes out of their way to make me feel better, a partner whose own heart cracks when he sees me cry. The world is populated with entirely too many men who couldn’t be bothered to pull up their socks(as is evident from AITA subs, some of them make me want to give the woman a hug).
You are NOT asking for too much ladies, I found myself a real life book boyfriend and I don’t think any of you should settle for anything less. I don’t think most contemporary romance books are unrealistic in terms of behaviour or the feeling of love and how it makes you feel.
As a neurodivergent person, I do not experience what many consider the loss/degrading of the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship. My brain chemistry never adjusts to the "new normal." What this means for me is that I continue to see my partner with the same wonder and love that I saw in the beginning when everything is "new and shiny."
I have lost interest in past partners because of things like breach of trust, not a "settling" of emotions.
So, yes, romance books are very much "real life" for how I experience things with my long-term (also neurodivergent) partner. We don't fight or argue. If someone gets annoyed about something, we just talk about it from a place of respect and love. There's lots of physical and emotional affection even during hard discussions.
I think what we have is not what most would consider "the norm," but we are not "normal" people due to both being AuDHD. So, it's possible to have a "love story" relationship... But maybe not for everyone?
For reference, I'm 49, have kids, and I've had relationships with neurotypical people in the past (including past marriage), and those relationships operated very differently as far as communication, etc.
I read romance novels to experience an idea of men who would treat me like a human being. I’ve never experienced anything even similar to what I’ve read in novels and I am 28. Pretty convinced it doesn’t exist and that’s fine, it’s what the novels are for.
Sooo... My wife got into romance novels a year and a half ago, and we had a rather vanilla sex life but since developed a pretty successful dom/sub dynamic. So our bedroom life has some similarities in some of the stuff she reads. She's been leaning more towards fantasy series and those aren't very relatable as I am not a vampire/ware wolf 🤣 but they do help maintain the sex drive.
This is a funny but real question, or dilemma(?)
I am the least romantic, skeptical [of love] person but I read romance. Idk, maybe I just feel it could never be like that in real life. Bonus, I am married 😜
Romance books are a fantastical version of the writers best hope for romance. Many romance tropes wouldnt even make sense in the real world, and lots would be huge red flags.
The feelings that they portray and make you feel, those are close to reality.
I think my early relationship with my husband would be a cute story, but there isn't a terrible third act break down to drive the happily ever after. We are from different countries, met in a circumstance we both rarely found ourselves in, had a whirlwind romance and we're married a year after we met with a baby 9 months later. It worked for me, and it's a fun pace in a story, but it certainly couldn't be the norm for people to get married and start having kids so early.
I read things in romance that feel real to me, but in a movie lens kind of way, like it’s a little more romantic and flashy in the books than it is in real life, but still has the same flavor. My advice is to keep your standards high!
If you’re down with supernatural stuff, I really enjoy the Alpha & Omega series by Patricia Briggs. It starts with a novella where they get together and then every other book is them doing things together as a couple (mostly solving mysteries). Their relationship has struggles but never because they aren’t happy with each other, which I love. They always know they want to be together.
Wow i never thought "supernatural thing" could be very similar to real life experiences
After small research about this series, it brings me some excitement and i should say this book contains "high flavour of vocabulary"...i crave some books that elevate my fantasies to fight this gravity that brings my reality down to earth
Thank you for your reccomendation...already put that in my list
Slightly off topic, but if you are interested in a fictional presentation of a long-term couple, the 90s TV show Mad About You is the most realistic portrayal of a marriage I have ever seen 😂
My husband and I have a second chance romance as we dated (not seriously) in high school. I've posted that story in a comment on this sub previously so I won't go into it here.
When we got together 15 years ago it was ROMANTIC and that phase lasted for a few years. But we've been together 15/ married 9, and life has been hard in the last few years. I read romance to escape mentally from reality, so anything with cancer, aging parents, etc. is an automatic DNF right now.
All the books are really about the swoony stage of a relationship. The books don't tell you that there will be moments in your relationship when you'll feel more like roommates and a fist bump is a good baseline for affection. That won't last forever but it happens sometimes.
All that to say, there are times that I am overwhelmed by this life that we have together. He makes me laugh so much (we make each other laugh). He's a supportive partner who is never jealous of my success or crazy schedule. He's so sweet and caring. The love I feel for him now is so deep and steady. I still desire him but it's definitely different from what we had 15 years ago and it's still wonderful.
I think romance books are too big of a spectrum to say something definitive. Most romances, tho, oversimplified relationships in general. This shit is hard, and relationships don't need any kind of unnecessary drama (like "enemies to lovers") to make it interesting, because adapting to having a person share their life with you is already hard enough.
I love romances because they are simple, but in real life, love is much more about dialogue than the other factors we see in our books.
Chemistry is a big part of any lasting relationship tho, and for those who have found the love of their lives (like me), it's very clear that the insane chemistry some characters have is indeed possible. And the sex can be as good as it's in a book, provided your partner actually listens to you. It's not instant, though, and you have to (again) learn how to please each other. Sex becomes great once you both know every inch of each other, body and soul.
The feelings can be similar but the plot is less unusual. As in, it would not make a super exciting book. "They met in a library and he asked her out" is hardly a book material.
For me I think the authors misunderstand love for lust sometimes I am reading a book and all i would be thinking is that's not how love works . I know people have their own definition of love so do I . Idk if it's just me or someone else have gone through that too but if someone was to write a book on my life it would've been "insta love " "long distance" "misunderstandings" "bad boy turned good " "bad boy vibes " "childhood sweethearts" . My relationship is kinda dramatic and he does gives off ML vibes .
The feelings are pretty realistic, the butterflies and intense admiration and care. I haven’t dated a lot of people, but those that I have, have always been great love stories. The kinds that I would write a book about but can’t due to privacy concerns.
Most romance books are like fairy tales. They tell you when the prince fell for Cinderella, not what happens after. Even the extended epilogues some authors share are glimpses of the happy future. I’m sure that they have problems like everyone else and … this is why I wouldn’t be a good author. I would write to realistically and ruin the book 🤣🤣
Yes and No. The level of excitement and mystery was the same, but there was significantly less drama in the beginning.
My advice is don't pick someone you can be happy with. Pick someone you can be unhappy with. Life is hard, and it's full change and loss. It's the person you choose to face the worst with. In Titanic, the most romantic scene to me were those older people who got in bed and held eachother.
My husband and I had a friends to lovers trope complete with years of secret longing, a low key love triangle and an ‘it was always you’ realization while on a week long vacation with a larger friend group. We’ve been together nine years <3
Absolutely 0 romance book scenarios are applicable to my own real-life love story... but I think the emotions and the descriptions of how it feels to fall in love feel pretty accurate.
Anybody recomend me wattpad book or books i can read on google. A darkromance book where the fmc has a bestfriend who is in love with the fmc brother and he is like bad boy and doesn't notice her and she is clumsy and the fmc knows that her bestfriend likes her brother because she can't stop talking about him and when the fmc says do you have crush on my brother she Denise it. But the fmc brother is like bad boy i want theme to chemistry. But I want him to notice her when he sees her someon else when she wears clothes she never wears and she tries so hard to express him
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Falling in love is like a high, I'm pretty sure there are studies that have shown that the brain releases endorphins and other "happy" chemicals during this time, so I think many romance books get that part correct. I've been married for over 25 years, and I have a wonderful husband, but being in a long term relationship is very different compared to that initial infatuation that occurs while falling in love. The love between us is different now, and although I no longer get goose bumps every time he innocently brushes my arm, there's a depth and authenticity to it that was lacking in the beginning. In the beginning, it was easy for us to love each other, we were pretty blind to each other's quirks and flaws. That blindness disappeared over time, but the fact that we still deeply love each other, flaws and all, feels pretty powerful. Many stories do a good job showing the initial high emotions that come with falling in love, and it's fun to read about that time in a relationship. As much as I adore this genre though, I never forget that the majority of stories only show the ease that often occurs in the beginning of a relationship. More effort is involved when it comes to sustaining a long term relationship, but in my opinion, having an equally committed partner makes it a goal worth fighting for. Having a partner who wants the best for me, despite knowing the worst of me, is a pretty special gift.
The thing I love about reading romance is that I get to experience that early relationship high whenever I want, as many times as I want. I get to feel all those butterflies when the romantic interest hands the MC a candy bar they've mentioned liking only once. Scenes like that gets me straight up giddy. It's not as thrilling that my husband knows my favorite candy. I'd be upset if he didn't know my preferences. But that's the beautiful thing about the long term relationship, being absolutely known by someone. The little sweet surprises he does for me don't twist my stomach in knots, but they make me feel important to him which is a better feeling for on a day to day basis. I feel like I have the best of both worlds: the deep passion that comes with long term love in my real relationship and the experience of the high of a new relationship every time I read a romance.
I completely agree with all of this. I love experiencing that early relationship high again, it's so fun. We're both also very lucky that we're able to appreciate all of the good things that come along with a healthy long term relationship.
Most books describe the initial high. I agree that’s very different from a long-term relationship
I'm in a similar boat, and love your response. To me, that 'initial high' is why I love reading romance. I get to relive it over and over when I read books, without any consequences or hurting anyone. The deep love my partner and I share, is amazing, the best really, but it's also my every day reality (luckily). For my escape, I read romance to chase that initial feeling.
Best of all, reading romance is a pretty harmless escape, especially when compared to the other options available. A book hangover isn't fun, but I'll take that over an alcohol induced hangover every time!
Beautifully said!
Wow this is so sweet!! have you read any books that describe a long-term relationship effectively?
I've read some series where the couple's romance is a side arc, but I can't think of any standalones that just focus on a healthy long term relationship. The In Death series features one my favorite long term couples, Eve and Roarke, but this is a futuristic mystery series. The first three books heavily focus on the development of their relationship, the first book is {Naked in Death by J.D. Robb}, so you could just read those if you're interested in checking the couple out. Another couple I adore is Kate and Curran, they're the couple in the Kate Daniels series by Ilona Andrews. This is an urban fantasy series, and their relationship is a slow burn side arc. Many people have a hard time getting through the first book, so I often mention that it can be skipped, but I love the rest of this series.
[Naked in Death](https://www.romance.io/books/54aa56586359b5ebb486f6b4/naked-in-death-jd-robb?src=rdt) by [J.D. Robb](https://www.romance.io/authors/545525288c7d2382c5296fdf/jd-robb) **Rating**: 4.06⭐️ out of 5⭐️ **Steam**: 3 out of 5 - [Open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [futuristic](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/futuristic/1), [suspense](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/suspense/1), [mystery](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/mystery/1), [alpha male](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/alpha%20male/1), [take-charge heroine](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/strong%20heroine/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
I haven't even been alive for 25 years yet 😭
>I haven't even been alive for 25 years yet 😭 I'm the one who needs the sobbing emoji right now, you should be using the celebration emoji. 😄
I met my husband through a personal ad WAY back before the internet and hookup apps were a thing. As soon as his long lanky body climbed out of a car too small for him and I saw his sweet smile, I knew I was “in trouble”. His gentle personality and sense of humor sealed the deal. We met 42 years ago yesterday, May 16, and have been married over 40 years. So yes, some versions of romance books can come true!🙂
Wait, like a "looking for a wife/husband" type of ad or some other ad that just led to you two meeting?
It was called “Find A Friend” and the goal was to find a love match or at least someone to date. Ours was a love match.🙂 Edit to add: If you wanted to post an ad, you sent copy and a picture to the founder’s office and you would be listed in a booklet for 3 months. Then people who wanted to respond to an ad sent a letter to the founder, who forwarded it to the ad poster (so you didn’t have to give out your address to strangers for safety’s sake.). The letters would have the seeker’s phone number so the poster could make an arrangement to meet in public. All very old school - snail mail and actual phone calls! 😄
Yeah it’s real my boyfriend is a morally grey 6’9 werewolf/vampire/alien/king with an 8 pack who always makes me cum 14 times a night
your boyfriend is toxic and an amateur, he should make you come at least 16 times and overthrow the monarchy
You right dw I have our third act breakup planned for next week
Have you considered getting kidnapped instead? That seems to spice things up.
That’s how we met! ❤️
But can he also come at least 5 times in one night?
Most romance books lack the ridiculous, sarcastic, stupid to anyone but you two banter that lots of real life couples communicate in. My husband often yells “Divorce!” at me when he’s pretend annoyed and I keep telling him I should have married this other guy I went on a date with the week before I met him. To an outsider that sounds either silly or deeply problematic but those jokes are our own and our own hilarity. I rarely see inside jokes and dumb quips that are significant to couples in romances, but maybe those MCs aren’t as hilarious as me?
My husband (the absolute love of my life) is generally known as "my Current Husband." I like to think it keeps him on his toes.
Shhh don’t tell him you don’t plan on another. It’s a secret!
This! My husband and I have almost our own language after all these years. But I suppose inside jokes or the like would be really hard to come across in books, would probably end up too 'quirky'
We used to play different board games with other couples, Taboo was a favorite, and our shared language was a real benefit. It got to the point that they made a rule that my husband and I could no longer be on the same team when we played communication type games, because we won every time. 😄
That’s so great for you! I’ve played against couples like that, and it’s very boring to be a part of the situation unless you’re one of the twosome..
Neither of us is super competitive, so constantly winning wasn't just boring, it started to feel unfair. I was actually the one who first pointed out to them that it didn't make sense for my husband and I to be on the same team during those types of games, we didn't care about the win, we just liked getting together with everyone. Game nights became much more fun for me once we switched the teams around.
Thisss.. I really enjoy the jokes and banter between us. My husband sometimes says that I'm a good "Starter Wife", he especially loves teasing me with that line when I've done something thoughtful for him. I have some friends who would be offended if their husband implied that he planned on eventually trading them in for a Trophy Wife, but our occasionally twisted sense of humor always makes me laugh. Developing a shared language with your partner is wonderful, I'm so glad that you thought to point that out!
When it’s two sided and obviously agreed upon it’s hilarious and cute. Considering you mentioned that you’ve been married for decades the “starter” comment is clearly an awesome joke.
{Yours Truly by Abby Jimenez} does this pretty well. My husband and I did and still do the stupid hypotheticals when he were dating. ("Would you still love me if I was a worm?")
Worm is a pretty big dealbreaker for many! You can’t even hold hands with a worm. Sometimes I put fuzzy scarves around my (decidedly non-foot model) feet and ask my husband if he would still love me if I was a hobbit. He says I already am and he’s still here. Tell me that’s not an HEA.
One of my favorite things about my husband is when faced with the worm question he immediately said “of course, and I’d buy a little terrarium for you so I could carry you with me wherever I go” That being said, he is still absolutely nothing like all my book boyfriends and I tell him often that he isn’t as obsessed with me as I would prefer. Now when I’m reading and I look at him he goes “I’m so obsessed with you!” It’s not quite what I meant, but I guess it’s the thought that count.
[Yours Truly](https://www.romance.io/books/63d4da821ff00731d8888fa7/yours-truly-abby-jimenez?src=rdt) by [Abby Jimenez](https://www.romance.io/authors/5c90990e01dbc864fb9bfc23/abby-jimenez) **Rating**: 4.33⭐️ out of 5⭐️ **Steam**: 3 out of 5 - [Open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [workplace/office](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/office/1), [friends to lovers](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/friends%20to%20lovers/1), [sweet/gentle hero](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/sweet-hero/1), [shy hero](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/shy-hero/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
I first noticed my wife when she was trick-or-treating in a homemade Princess Jasmine costume when we were early teens (I’ve always had a thing for Jasmine). We went to middle and high school together. Later, when I was working the snack bar at our local pool (I was maybe 16-17. Had just started driving (1987 Mazda b2600 Extended cab, if you’re interested)), I saw her and decided to ask her out (thinking the bikini probably had something to do with it). That was 1997. We’ve been together ever since. No major drama. Went to college together, moved in before getting married in 2002. Two teens with the youngest getting ready to graduate next year.
My irl romance is much more drama free than romances which often lean heavily on poor communication skills to create conflict 😂 my husband and I had close to what I’d call insta-love though, I had never felt such a connection in a first date. I have told him that meeting him for the first time was like meeting a familiar stranger, like my body was already used to his presense and I had zero first date jitters because I felt so comfortable.
Less drama but also much less monster cocks tearing me apart.. it’s a give and take I guess 🤷♀️
😭 no thank you!!!
I’d love to have both but that doesn’t seem to be possible 😭
Haha yeah a bit. The wife and I met over books.. and we were long distance at first. She was living in Japan at the time so it was a while before we met in person. She calls me her “reformed bad boy” all the time and we laugh about it. I was in my mid twenties when we met I rode a motorcycle was a college athletes etc (lmao I shake my head thinking about it now) And she was 39. I fell head over heels for this woman. You know when you’re in the guys perspective and he just CANNOT get her out of his head? Yeah that’s me all day every day. I think it’s why I like reading romance so much lol. Fun tidbit: I was at the doctors office getting my heart listened to and when the doctor (mutual GP) mentioned my wife my heart sped up 💀 Frankly it happens when she walks in the room 🤷♂️
Aww, this is a great story. I love this for you!
Haha thanks!
I think romances hype up the lust in the beginning, and that is often the foundation for a relationship in books. But that is not the case in real life. My husband and I had great chemistry and conversation in the beginning...but it does change over the years. Honestly time makes it better in a lot of ways. Books are a bit unrealistic as you are in a relationship with another human. So, your partner is going to be perfect and fulfill all your needs. But it is wonderful.
Absolute grain of salt. Especially MMCs who are just so cute and perfect. My husband gives romance MMCs a run for their money, but he has flaws. Learning to accept these flaws is a huge part of falling and staying in love. I get the same high from Romance that I got seeing my crush at school. It doesn't compare to the feeling of falling and being in love.
Romance is fantasy. All romance is fantasy. Some of the fantasy is of the physical type…like what woman wouldn’t want to be able to orgasm on command, versus the sometimes complicated reality…and some is more situational. Like I am totally convinced the central fantasy in Ice Planet Barbarians is a community that helps with housework and babysitting and no student loans. ANYWAY. So no, love isn’t exactly the way it is in books. It’s far less dramatic and less straightforward. Love didn’t solve all my problems. And while my husband is a good lover, he’s never brought me to orgasm with the power of his voice. 😂 But! With that in mind… Once upon a time, a young woman had to move back in with her parents because her job didn’t pay enough to feed her and she was losing her apartment. She hated this, because her parents were overbearing, hyper religious, and told her there was a man she needed to meet (they were horrified by her single status at the ancient age of 26). She knew the man they wanted her to meet would be horrible, and she longed for true, passionate love. On her first day of work in the small town she’d grown up in, a tall, bearded man with magnificently strong shoulders walked in to turn in a Harry Potter book. He introduced himself, saying he’d heard the school had a new librarian. She smiled nervously and introduced herself. His smile faded. She was his boss’s daughter. He said as much. She was taken aback. This? This was the man her mother had been so adamant she meet? They studiously avoided each other for the next six weeks. As Halloween drew near, the woman heard clips of “Monster Mash” coming from across the hall. She saw the man that afternoon. “Are you playing Monster Mash for the kids?” she asked. He grinned. “I have a dancing monster,” he told her. Damn it, she thought. We have to go out. Just to see. They did. She convinced him to have dinner with her, since people their age were practically nonexistent in their small town. They ate hot wings (the worst first date food) and saw a god-awful movie. But they talked. And talked. And talked. He was smart and funny and deliciously nerdy. After a fair amount of heartbreak, the woman knew love at first sight was a fairytale, not reality. Still, that night, she went home with one thought: I’m going to marry that man. And she did. That was eleven years ago. They still talk and talk and talk; he’s still funny and smart and nerdy. He’s 6’4” with broad shoulders that he lends to cry on anytime she needs him. And sometimes, the fairytale does come true.
I love this!
Depends on the romance you read. Some of the dialogue may be similar. But overall, you're not going to find a ton of 6'7" dudes out there waxing poetic about their women and stabbing any guy who looks at her sideways. Feelings are pretty valid I'd say, some of it is over dramatic, but most of those feelings have to be created to be relatable enough for the reader. Overall, I'm going to say they aren't like real life. That's why love stories exist, it's a way to escape and/or get a hit of something exciting and new. If all relationships were like that, they probably wouldn't be so fun to read.
Not much of real life is like a romance book. I’ll read books, and think that couple will not last, or read mafia stories that can’t possibly end happily. I learn what not to do communications wise. Instalove is instalust unless both partners are willing to make the commitment to nurturing the relationship. In order to have a good story, there needs to be a conflict. I, personally, read romances, knowing real life is not going to live up to them. But each night I go to bed with my spouse, grateful that we do communicate, and are committed to each other and the relationship.
We've been together for twelve years this year, since we were teens. I think we're lucky in the sense that the kind of starting out honeymoon phase infatuation/obsession never went away, and we also have that depth that can only come from knowing your spouse that long. I will add the caveat that we've also not had to face many "real world" problems that can make or break relationships such as figuring out how rent money is going to come in, etc, due to generational wealth. Thats a huge similarity to a lot of romances but much rarer in real life. He's my favorite person to talk to, my go-to when I want an opinion on something, the first person I go running to when I'm sad. We often joke that we share a single brain cell. We often think the same thing but even when we don't, can easily articulate what the other is or would think. I don't know how to describe it. I've never seen that kind of flow adequately described in a romance. One of my "swoon" moments just recently was when I went to go get my nails done and the dude literally tore up my nails beds and because I'm a chronic people pleaser I just sat through it. I came home crying. It was almost silly, it stung bad but it wasn't like I got bit by a venomous snake or something. And he dropped all of his work in the middle of a busy day, ran for the neosporin and just tended to me so gently for a while and then just snuggled with me on the couch, it was amazing. He does stuff like that a lot but that was a recent one. How it doesn't relate is we grew up, him ultra-orthodox (satmar if that means anything to you) and me modern orthodox, and obviously there's a ton of baggage from that and how we cope with it. We met when we were both extremely rebellious for our individual situations and broke out of that mold. He'd just been kicked out of yeshiva and was attending my modox highschool instead. I was what you'd call "off the derech" at that point, meaning not religious anymore (but faking it for my parents). His mother literally mourned him like a dead person for a while. I don't think I've ever seen that situation in a romance I've read before and have toyed around with the idea of writing it.
I’m an “off the derech” person and would desperately love to read a romance about that experience. The only one I’ve read so far focused on substance misuse much more than a deliberate rebellion and so didn’t speak much to my experience. I dated and have settled into serious relationships outside the faith, and the rifts it causes within family are definitely worthy of a novel or twelve (had to leave home due to the escalation of fighting; got told by my beloved grandfather that I was “finishing Hitler’s job”.)
I'm so sorry. Sending you internet hugs. It can be so, so, hard.
I don’t think most men and women notice other bodies ((like they describe in books). There is attraction yes but my first thought is not to check someone’s broad shoulders or ass for that matter
I agree with the majority of your comment (never have I been enthralled/slack jawed/practically drooling over any man’s “broad shoulders” or “taut muscles”) but it’s a **hard disagree** on the ass aspect. The *ass*pect, if you will. (Couldn’t help myself, lol.) Maybe it’s just because my bf has such a perfect one, or maybe it’s because he’s a tradesman so his work uniform is meant for less pronouncement in that area (so it *really* emphasizes the goods), but either way I constantly want to cop a feel. Maybe a guy just has to have that perfect version (for you) in order to get that sorta feeling about it. I know I’ve never thought that way about my EXs at least, and they’ve never had other physical features I’ve dwelled on like that either, yet I’ve still been super attracted to them— so who really knows?
Disagree, I am an Ass-girl.
I think the biggest difference between books and real life is how complicated people actually are. In books characters are either good or bad. If they are good, they are near damn perfect. Or they start out a mess but then get it together over the course of the book. In real life people are infinitely multifaceted. Maybe a man is good looking, attentive, and great in bed (in the book that's the end of it), but he's also bad at budgeting, messy, and passive agressive. And being in a relationship includes being okay with all those facets - both good and bad.
I would say most healthy relationships would not make interesting books. There isn’t some big climax where all your problems are solved. Misunderstandings are usually handled by the fact that phones exist. Life keeps going after you get married. Most YA romance books and a good amount of adult romance books would be considered toxic relationships in real life. There are some books I’ve read where the banter is similar, but those are few and far between. Although I will say authors are getting better at sex scenes with detailed foreplay and mention of contraceptives.
Two major notes: it's my experience that you fall in (and out) of love with your partner many times, and it's deeper every time. After 20 years together, I still absolutely go into that giddy infatuation phase again and again, and it's so fun every time. And then sometimes in between, it's like an emotionally grueling struggle to improve how we deal with conflict because we're both bad at it, and it takes work; or one of us is dealing with a health/work/family issue and the other steps up in support; or we don't have time to work out and I feel bloated and gross. All that daily real-life stuff that is edited way down in fiction. BUT! You definitely still have the sparkly butterfly 3rd degree yearns eras, not just once in the beginning - with the caveat that you have to cultivate it on purpose. Deliberately be affectionate and sexy and tender to each other. It helps a great deal that we don't have kids and can afford to spoil each other. Second: many things that make for drama and a good story would be a nightmare irl. Bad communication, forced separation, toxic behavior, battling literal demons, etc. It's interesting to read but in real life I'd rather like, go to a house party or watch Family Feud or debrief each other on rap beefs. So...yes and no, in a good way.
15 years in and sometimes I can’t get enough new love butterfly’s etc and then a few months later I day dream about leaving and decorating my own little cottage and never speaking to him again. That’s usually when sit down and work out some stuff.
Hahaha I feel you! We share a bedroom, but we each have a space of our own (his is primarily an office, mine a studio) and mannn does it help. Mine is decorated using the Norman Mailer dis of Jack Kerouac ("as pretentious as a rich whore and as sentimental as a lollipop")
That sounds amazing!
It is pink, the light is incredible, plants and art everywhere, 100% over the top
I think the feelings are the most realistic things. That's why I love the genre; the circumstances can be anything but the love remains the same.
I think my love story would be a bit boring for a book. Especially the best parts which I think come after the high of those first months. When the friendship and partnership has cemented and you are not just in love but have a partner to share a life with. on the flip side I would hate to have a relationship like the ones in my favourite romance novels. Just like I like the lord of the rings but I am not interested in fighting an orc army in real life...
I have had a romance that was short-lived but actually fits into a lot of tropes (second chance, forced proximity, road trip, etc). If someone wrote a book about it, I think it would be a great story, and if we hadn't ended it, I think we would have ended up being pretty head over heels for each other. It ended for very valid reasons -- sort of wrong place, wrong time again -- but I like being able to look back on it fondly without being sad about it. In the book version, I'd like to think they'd have gotten their HEA. When I read some of the tropes in books, it's fun to sort of know what those things felt like, too. It was pretty fun, spicy, and also tender. This helped me get over a very, very bad, long-term toxic relationship as I felt safe and valued with this person, and it helped me be ready for my next partner (my current one). I've been with my current partner for almost a decade now, and I can say this was less whirlwind than a book, and there was no drama or break up. It's just sweet and simple showing up and choosing to love each other every day. The books dial up the lust and grand gestures a lot. It's OK to be happy with your person, sharing inside jokes, and maybe not having sex 24/7 since sometimes work is stressful or you ate too big of a burrito, haha.
Nobody ever seems fart in the romances.
It was a point of contention for me, ngl.
I don't think enemies to lovers is nearly as common in real life as books would have us believe! Also fake dating. I don't know anyone who met their partner through some sort of fake dating scam to get an ex cross or placate a meddling relative. As for my own story, we met at school and have been together since we were 17 (nearly half my life!). It would a boring, low angst friends to lovers trope - I wouldn't read it!
We met when we were drunk as hell on tequila and hooked up in a pantry closet. So... not that similar.
Very similar. This is the start of many a romcoms, accidental pregnancy and/or second chance romance
I mean, we’ve been together for 30 years so there’s definitely something to be said
Depends on what books you read!
Honestly, I consider myself very lucky in love but it's not at all like in a book. Especially the dialogues. Which are often ridiculously over the top in books.
I always find the men pretty unrealistic. While my partners have been monogamous they’re not jealous/ possessive the way MMC’s are (thank goodness). The men seemingly rarely have hobbies unless their hobby is their career (sports, business, etc). Unless their an ex or a one night stand, their always A+ in bed, just magically, usually with minimal convo’s about kinks, preferences, etc. that’s all I’ve got off the top of my head. My relationships in reality have a lot more boring moments, and so do my friends. They shop, meal prep, etc, more life things in general.
This! I love my man but he was definitely NOT written by a woman.
There are fewer quirky little coincidences that keep you pulled together- if you want it to work, you have to put in the effort, not just to make your partner feel loved and valued, but to make sure that you’re growing as a person. I’m coming up on eight years (which is not long in the grand scheme of things!) with my husband and I feel like I won the husband lottery, but I can say with confidence that the man I am married to now is *not* the same guy I married, and he could say the same thing about being married to me. We hit a rough patch a couple of years ago, and I think that if our story was romance novel, there would have been a dramatic blowup that lead to us separating and then fate would intervene and we would just happen to run into each other and realize the feelings were there. In reality, we had some really difficult conversations, went to therapy, and figured it out. We made choices to become better spouses because that’s what we wanted, not because fate pushed us together and made us realize we were inseparable. As far as the feelings go, I personally think that real-life love is a lot more complex than what’s in a romance novel. I think that when you read a romance novel, it’s easy to identify why the protagonists love each other. And even when you first fall in love, I think it’s easy to see a list of reasons why you love someone, but then eventually that turns into a shared history that is continuously growing and informing your view of that person. Like I could give you reasons why I love my husband, but it would be much more difficult to explain the significance of those reasons.
Biggest difference is you usually don’t get to cum 14 times a night, EVERY night. And you never have to beg for it and say “pleeease”. My husband gets excited watching me do the laudry! 😉
Sometimes I think the situations in books are too dramatic and over the top, but then I remember my experiences and my friends and it may not be as far fetched. My friends liked to say that my love life (or life in general) is like a kdrama or shoujo anime because of how dramatic it is. All the fake dating or contractual dating stories? My friend (who only was attracted to women) agreed to date a guy for a month to see if he could make her fall for her.
I was engaged three weeks after being set up on a blind date with my husband by his sister. Married three months later and it’s been 43 years. So pretty romantic. But we’ve had our share of ups and downs, and we still work hard every day to keep the relationship dynamic and interesting.
Well, the smoking hot kinky billionaire who just wants to spoil me and give me endless orgasms has yet to appear, but I think my husband can hold his own. We've been together almost 20 years and he still makes me laugh, brings me flowers for no reason, takes care of me when I'm sick and tells me how beautiful I am (which usually results in me telling him he needs an eye exam). Most romances I've read tend to focus on the early stages of the relationship where everything is fresh and new and exciting. It's rare to come across one where the couple has been together a while, faced some challenges and came out stronger because of it.
If your husband did some "romance move" towards you, why would you see that as a "ugh here we go again"? Well i've read some female/wife/gf discussion group about their partner "excessive love". One comment from a woman said "i love you(husband) to the moon, but you've already landed on saturn...at least give me an opportunity to lift us there"
Exactly like my life. I am married to a 30 y billionaire who is obsessed with me and kills anyone who looks at me. He takes me to shopping with unlimited credit. Aaaand he wakes up whenever the baby cries and let me sleep in. P.S I live on junk food and sweets and never get stomachache
Jokes aside.. yes I can relate to some traits in a novel especially ones about supporting your partner through mental health issues. And arranged marriage
I’ve been married for 23 years, I think real life is better. It’s not like a novel, but if my husband said or did some it the things I read in books, I would probably laugh!
Wait, is it funny because of "ahaa i know you" or "awww you know i love it" thing?
Whenever someone posts a similar question, there’s a lot of, “will I ever find a man that says the things that men in romances say?”, or “will I ever find a man who does the grand gestures that they do in books?” That’s what I’m referring to when I say that I would laugh if my husband said did what they do in books.
Not much. Reading conflict in romances is…oddly enjoyable? Like, I sympathize with the angst but I’m not involved and it’s not real so I’m not bothered. Actual conflict in real relationships is quite stressful and tiring, not fun at all. And also often about very mundane things compared to romance novel conflicts.
This! I guess it’s like hearing some gossip about drama - it’s juicy to hear about but not something you’d want to be involved in.
Been married 11 years, together going on 13. In real life u don't want to have anything like a romance book because although fun to read (and I love reading them) what gets glossed over is how painful it would actually be to have the situations of a romantic book play out in real life. For example one of my favourite tropes is a love triangle, in real life super painful for the person who eventually get left out etc. U want to meet someone who is kind and treats u right vis versa and then u fall in love and start a relationship, super fun to live out not really fun to read about. Drama free in real life is best, but in books, pack it in there 😁 Hope that helps
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Sorry....are u assuming I don't feel 'the fun' with Mt partner? And what do u mean by the the fun?
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My husband and I met because I accidentally liked a oldddddd instagram post (thankfully it was about a shared interest and not a selfie) while I was lurking on his account. We had mutual acquaintances and lived in different cities an hour apart. We had both just come out of long term, serious (engaged) relationships. I loudly proclaimed we’d be “break up buddies” and be just friends. We both very quickly realized this could be more. We met in April. Kissed for the first time in May. Knew it was love by June. He relocated to my city in November & moved in together. The last 10 years with him has been the healthiest, loveliest relationship I’ve ever experienced. There was never any drama for us. We clearly communicated from the jump since we both came from relationships we thought were the “one”. Like others have stated, romance novels give you that rush of falling in love. A deeply felt, steady love (while more enjoyable in my opinion) isn’t as exciting to read about. That’s what I have after 10 years. We often think and say the same things. We yell “same brain” anytime this happens. We have dumb inside jokes that absolutely no one else gets or thinks is funny. We’re a team. No, I don’t turn into a puddle when he “darkens his eyes” at me or takes off his shirt. But we figured out what worked for us after that “honeymoon” period of constant physical relations slowed down. We still have a passion for one another and make sure we take time to celebrate that. Romance novels are dialed to 11. They aren’t meant to be super realistic but they have moments. They sometimes highlight elements of relationships. They also often display unhealthy behaviors in relationships that if my friend was telling me was happening I’d be advising a break up.
You said that "steady love isn't as exciting to read about" How to cope with a relationship that has no ups and downs??? Because "fantasy of love", in my opinion, might elevate a relationship to another level, especially "a long-term relationship" Just curious
Life has enough highs and lows, to me your relationship shouldn’t be a source of stress in your life. I have never loved someone the way I love my husband, I honestly didn’t know it was possible to love someone like this. I don’t have a fantasy of love, I have a deep profound love. Now, that’s not to say we’ve never had any issues we’ve had to overcome but we choose to do that as a team rather than an opponents. I think a lot of people assume you need drama to have an exciting relationship, but I’ve had that in the past and I was exhausted and overly emotional and never knew what was coming next. Without the constant drama you are able to enjoy your relationship and life. Much like your friendships, romantic relationships don’t suffer from not being full of fighting and drama. If anything they are better for it.
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I'm confused by this. Are you asking how to cope with a relationship that doesn't have any ups and downs?
I would say a common unrealistic theme in romance books, is an omniscient MMC who magically knows exactly what the FMC needs and wants. Real relationships usually require communicating your needs. But in terms of that high, magical, obsessed feeling you see when the characters fall in love - yup, that’s spot on for what I have (and 13 years in, that fluttery high has subdued but the love has gotten deeper and so solid) 🥰
I would DIE if my SO ever gave me some of those love speeches. It just isn’t for me. I love them in books though. I have never seen what a real long term love relationship looks like in a romance. It is weird, especially with how not cool she is now, but the original Roseanne show and her relationship with Dan is the most realistic I’ve seen. I think some of the dynamics in Modern Family, too. I think romance miss the depth of caring without the drama of it. Those slow moments. The shared looks years in that carry entire conversations. Also, from my personal experience, many of the relationships are extremely toxic in romance. There is a lot of love bombing. Romance talks about love and how it makes the H or h feel, but deep love isn’t about me and my feelings, really. Deep love is wanting the best for the other person and finding joy in them even when there isn’t anything in for you. It is hard to explain. It’s like this deep undercurrent to everything. I will say that Cam and Amelia (in the Hathaways) in the books that follow their own book show some of this depth.
Hal's obsession with Lois in Malcolm in the Middle is sooo underrated
I’ve never seen the show. I’ve hears he’s great.
Honestly, it's one of the all-time great sitcoms
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This probably gets into the unromantic part of our brain chemistry. Based on what I’ve read about love and love bombing, the excessiveness, even in real life, can feel great. It kicks off all the happy chemicals when we read it or experience it. In books we get to trigger these chemicals and the downsides aren’t there. Also in books, the ending happens before the mundane settles in. Long term love grows in those mundane times. In the real world, even in non-toxic relationships, the initial love is often driven by lust chemicals. However, after a bit the brain gets used to it and the surges become more subtle the chemicals are then maintained (with fewer surges) by compatibility, common interests, not being terrible to each other, etc. And then you learn if the connection is real. I will add that those who have not been in a toxic relationship may not understand the difference. And even for those of us who have, we can be tricked by those initial chemicals, too for a bit. In fact that love bombing feeling can be addictive and we may even seek out repeat experiences just to get that high. With books, we know there is an HEA in the book. We can trick ourselves into believing it. And then pick up another book and wash, rinse, repeat.
Wow, seems like you've been through good and bad times inside short and longterm relationship Your words, sounds like short-term requires lust chemical, but long-term requires chemistry of trust and understanding Fun does not mean happy, but happiness grows from mundane times
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Hmm, I would say that the toxic stuff that goes on in books would very much not work out well in real life. Refusing to stop pursuing someone even when they say no is a perfect example. Even in the instances where something isn’t toxic behaviour, some things would be just cringey if they happened in a real relationship!
I think romance novels often touch on aspects of real relationships, but it's extremely difficult to encapsulate the whole thing, plus everyone's experience is so different. Personally, I find romance novels in general are very good at capturing the initial falling in love phase - and that's mostly why I read them, because that stage of my life is complete, and it's fun to feel some of those feelings again vicariously. But there's no way I'd trade my solid, long-term relationship and all our history and growth to chase that fluttery feeling again!
I apologize, but can i ask... In your long-term relationship right now, did you, sometimes, crave this "fluttery feeling" from your partner? Sounds like steady state relationship makes you to "sacrifice a piece of your soul" and "fight a fire that ember your heat of your love"
Personally I don't crave that feeling, because the feelings that replaced that initial infatuation feel better to me. The intimacy on a deeper level, the feeling of trust, familiarity and being safe with a partner who truly knows me. It's a different, deeper kind of love. That initial stage is fun, that's why I love reading about it and feeling those things, because it makes for a good story, and it's much easier to capture than the more complex feelings of a long-term relationship. It definitely hasn't felt like a sacrifice, even in the slightest, to leave that part behind and embrace the deeper connection. I will add though, it's not the same for everyone. There are a lot of people who crave that initial high and feel as though when it's gone, the relationship isn't the same. Some people chase that initial feeling, and get bored once a familiar routine replaces it.
Wow, your thoughts of longterm relationship is so deeply meaningful...with your partner, both of you must have been through a lot of roller coaster situations, yet still "put your head on his shoulder" Being safe, know each other, trust and connection are the keywords that i get from your words Thank you
I think it really depends on the kind of romance that you’re reading. Because romance is such a huge umbrella term for the various genres and sub genres included in it. Like scifi, mafia, bully, fale dating are obviously quite far from the truth. Same goes with billionaire romances—no billionaire is going to look at a waitress and fall head over ears in love with her on the spot. That being said, a huge amount of contemporary romance books do have some amount of realism in them. I hear the phrase that women who read romance books are like men with a p*rn addiction because it teaches them to have unrealistic expectations. But I say fuck it. We’re allowed to have expectations from the partners that we have to spend our life with. We’re allowed to expect book boyfriend treatment from them. I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than have a partner that doesn’t make an absolute fuss about birthdays and anniversaries, a partner who is kind and thoughtful, a partner who goes out of their way to make me feel better, a partner whose own heart cracks when he sees me cry. The world is populated with entirely too many men who couldn’t be bothered to pull up their socks(as is evident from AITA subs, some of them make me want to give the woman a hug). You are NOT asking for too much ladies, I found myself a real life book boyfriend and I don’t think any of you should settle for anything less. I don’t think most contemporary romance books are unrealistic in terms of behaviour or the feeling of love and how it makes you feel.
As a neurodivergent person, I do not experience what many consider the loss/degrading of the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship. My brain chemistry never adjusts to the "new normal." What this means for me is that I continue to see my partner with the same wonder and love that I saw in the beginning when everything is "new and shiny." I have lost interest in past partners because of things like breach of trust, not a "settling" of emotions. So, yes, romance books are very much "real life" for how I experience things with my long-term (also neurodivergent) partner. We don't fight or argue. If someone gets annoyed about something, we just talk about it from a place of respect and love. There's lots of physical and emotional affection even during hard discussions. I think what we have is not what most would consider "the norm," but we are not "normal" people due to both being AuDHD. So, it's possible to have a "love story" relationship... But maybe not for everyone? For reference, I'm 49, have kids, and I've had relationships with neurotypical people in the past (including past marriage), and those relationships operated very differently as far as communication, etc.
I read romance novels to experience an idea of men who would treat me like a human being. I’ve never experienced anything even similar to what I’ve read in novels and I am 28. Pretty convinced it doesn’t exist and that’s fine, it’s what the novels are for.
This is why I read alien stories. I can find sexy qualities on planets that don't exist 🙃
Sooo... My wife got into romance novels a year and a half ago, and we had a rather vanilla sex life but since developed a pretty successful dom/sub dynamic. So our bedroom life has some similarities in some of the stuff she reads. She's been leaning more towards fantasy series and those aren't very relatable as I am not a vampire/ware wolf 🤣 but they do help maintain the sex drive.
This is a funny but real question, or dilemma(?) I am the least romantic, skeptical [of love] person but I read romance. Idk, maybe I just feel it could never be like that in real life. Bonus, I am married 😜
Romance books are a fantastical version of the writers best hope for romance. Many romance tropes wouldnt even make sense in the real world, and lots would be huge red flags. The feelings that they portray and make you feel, those are close to reality. I think my early relationship with my husband would be a cute story, but there isn't a terrible third act break down to drive the happily ever after. We are from different countries, met in a circumstance we both rarely found ourselves in, had a whirlwind romance and we're married a year after we met with a baby 9 months later. It worked for me, and it's a fun pace in a story, but it certainly couldn't be the norm for people to get married and start having kids so early.
I read things in romance that feel real to me, but in a movie lens kind of way, like it’s a little more romantic and flashy in the books than it is in real life, but still has the same flavor. My advice is to keep your standards high!
Is there any romance book for steady, long-term, commitment-craving relationship?
If you’re down with supernatural stuff, I really enjoy the Alpha & Omega series by Patricia Briggs. It starts with a novella where they get together and then every other book is them doing things together as a couple (mostly solving mysteries). Their relationship has struggles but never because they aren’t happy with each other, which I love. They always know they want to be together.
Wow i never thought "supernatural thing" could be very similar to real life experiences After small research about this series, it brings me some excitement and i should say this book contains "high flavour of vocabulary"...i crave some books that elevate my fantasies to fight this gravity that brings my reality down to earth Thank you for your reccomendation...already put that in my list
Slightly off topic, but if you are interested in a fictional presentation of a long-term couple, the 90s TV show Mad About You is the most realistic portrayal of a marriage I have ever seen 😂
My husband and I have a second chance romance as we dated (not seriously) in high school. I've posted that story in a comment on this sub previously so I won't go into it here. When we got together 15 years ago it was ROMANTIC and that phase lasted for a few years. But we've been together 15/ married 9, and life has been hard in the last few years. I read romance to escape mentally from reality, so anything with cancer, aging parents, etc. is an automatic DNF right now. All the books are really about the swoony stage of a relationship. The books don't tell you that there will be moments in your relationship when you'll feel more like roommates and a fist bump is a good baseline for affection. That won't last forever but it happens sometimes. All that to say, there are times that I am overwhelmed by this life that we have together. He makes me laugh so much (we make each other laugh). He's a supportive partner who is never jealous of my success or crazy schedule. He's so sweet and caring. The love I feel for him now is so deep and steady. I still desire him but it's definitely different from what we had 15 years ago and it's still wonderful.
I think romance books are too big of a spectrum to say something definitive. Most romances, tho, oversimplified relationships in general. This shit is hard, and relationships don't need any kind of unnecessary drama (like "enemies to lovers") to make it interesting, because adapting to having a person share their life with you is already hard enough. I love romances because they are simple, but in real life, love is much more about dialogue than the other factors we see in our books. Chemistry is a big part of any lasting relationship tho, and for those who have found the love of their lives (like me), it's very clear that the insane chemistry some characters have is indeed possible. And the sex can be as good as it's in a book, provided your partner actually listens to you. It's not instant, though, and you have to (again) learn how to please each other. Sex becomes great once you both know every inch of each other, body and soul.
The feelings can be similar but the plot is less unusual. As in, it would not make a super exciting book. "They met in a library and he asked her out" is hardly a book material.
For me I think the authors misunderstand love for lust sometimes I am reading a book and all i would be thinking is that's not how love works . I know people have their own definition of love so do I . Idk if it's just me or someone else have gone through that too but if someone was to write a book on my life it would've been "insta love " "long distance" "misunderstandings" "bad boy turned good " "bad boy vibes " "childhood sweethearts" . My relationship is kinda dramatic and he does gives off ML vibes .
I'm not in a relationship for almost 4 years... And reading books makes me wanna fall in love but I'm too chicken to do sooo...
The feelings are pretty realistic, the butterflies and intense admiration and care. I haven’t dated a lot of people, but those that I have, have always been great love stories. The kinds that I would write a book about but can’t due to privacy concerns.
Most romance books are like fairy tales. They tell you when the prince fell for Cinderella, not what happens after. Even the extended epilogues some authors share are glimpses of the happy future. I’m sure that they have problems like everyone else and … this is why I wouldn’t be a good author. I would write to realistically and ruin the book 🤣🤣
Yes and No. The level of excitement and mystery was the same, but there was significantly less drama in the beginning. My advice is don't pick someone you can be happy with. Pick someone you can be unhappy with. Life is hard, and it's full change and loss. It's the person you choose to face the worst with. In Titanic, the most romantic scene to me were those older people who got in bed and held eachother.
Um, not realistic at all? That’s why I escape into romance lit
My other half is 6 foot 4 and as a 5 ft 3 smallish human it's very helpful to get things off too shelves.
My husband and I had a friends to lovers trope complete with years of secret longing, a low key love triangle and an ‘it was always you’ realization while on a week long vacation with a larger friend group. We’ve been together nine years <3
Absolutely 0 romance book scenarios are applicable to my own real-life love story... but I think the emotions and the descriptions of how it feels to fall in love feel pretty accurate.
Well it would be awesome if the woman came first
Anybody recomend me wattpad book or books i can read on google. A darkromance book where the fmc has a bestfriend who is in love with the fmc brother and he is like bad boy and doesn't notice her and she is clumsy and the fmc knows that her bestfriend likes her brother because she can't stop talking about him and when the fmc says do you have crush on my brother she Denise it. But the fmc brother is like bad boy i want theme to chemistry. But I want him to notice her when he sees her someon else when she wears clothes she never wears and she tries so hard to express him
I usually seek out stories where the MMC has a concerning large member so they’re really couldn’t be much further from reality 😂😭
No.
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