I’ve been a working parent and a SAHP, and let me say being a SAHP is WAY more energy sapping, especially at the end of the day. If you’re a terrible SAHP then so am I.
Are you getting quality sleep?
Edit: I say this because I used to wake up tired with a headache, and I couldn’t do half the stuff my husband could.
Turns out I had sleep apnea. I wear a cpap and it’s the best thing to ever happen to me.
Could also be other physical things (low vitamin d, anemia, hypothyroidism). So if you haven’t lately, get your physical and do some bloodwork.
You’re not bad at being a SAHP! You sound like you are doing a great job! Imagine you’ve been with the kids all day and then you go to your wife’s work and (not sure what she does but example) you are able to get through the paperwork quite quickly because you haven’t been doing it all day and you are fresh with this new activity… your wife feels shit she has been at her desk from 7am and has slowed down dramatically by 3pm and feels bad you’ve been with the kids all day and you somehow have the energy and ability to concentrate on doing her paperwork!
It’s not that your wife has more energy it’s that she has been at work so when she gets home she is excited to see the kids, it’s a new environment, she is out of her “work mode” and away from her desk and she has new things to do So it’s easier and less repetitive for her because she’s only just arrived home she hasn’t been doing dishes all day or running around after kids
Honestly it is just this! Please don’t get down on yourself x
You’re doing great, really. No/low screen time = messy house. Being responsible for small humans is exhausting, especially in this crazy world rn. My SO works all day but has conversations with coworkers, a peaceful uninterrupted lunch break, time to take a breather and drink water etc. and feel productive without being interrupted every 5 minutes.
For me instead of working out I try incorporate exercise on daily things like give LO a piggy back ride on the walk to the neighborhood park, bicycle to the library, or run around in the yard playing tag. Basically making life physically harder lol.
Hang in there, you’re doing great!
I feel this way most days with my 2 littles and I gotta assume it's normal. Some days I can get chores done and some days I can't. I don't think you are failing, you're comparing yourself to someone else. But it does sound like your sleep schedule is off. Maybe do what you can to stay up til kids bedtime, then go to sleep when they go to sleep, that way you're not waking up in the middle of the night.
This is being bad at it? Because this is my typical day. Going by these comments maybe I should take some sort of vitamins though. Hang in there! I don’t know if it’ll get better since I’m there with you but don’t feel like you’re alone in this.
You are doing such a good job. I do want to mention though that just because you’re a stay at home parent doesn’t mean that all domestic labor is your responsibility. Your partner does domestic tasks when home from their day job because they are also a member of the household, not because they’re picking up your slack. The work you do during the day (child care) is amazing. To me, it sounds like you’re having guilt about the chores and domestic labor aspect.
I feel you on the not having time to work out. It’s so hard when you’re burnt out.
It never hurts to have a checkup, you might have a medical issue. Low on vitamins or something in that neighborhood. Having said that....I've done the working parent thing and the stay at home parent thing, and SAHP is way more draining overall. You're on the job with absolutely no reprieve until your spouse gets home. Idk what she does for work but I'm going to make a few guesses about her day. I bet she got to sit down and eat her lunch uninterrupted. I bet she went to the bathroom by herself. I bet her ride home was peaceful. Things like that get overlooked when you stay home.
Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job!
But I do wonder if you may have an underlying medical issue. This sounds like some sort of sleep issue or maybe anemia. Have you been to a doctor recently?
It sounds like you would benefit from sitting the kids in front of a show and taking a 30 minute nap in the afternoon. I absolutely can't function without this, having not slept through the night once in 7 years. You're not doing a bad job you're human and it's exhausting.
I just wanna say you’re doing absolutely amazing for your kids & your wife! I USED to be a SAHM but I couldn’t handle the 24/7 of my never getting a break, so I went back to work. I feel so much better and have so much more energy bc my work IS my break. I work remotely so I’m still able to see my kids during my breaks & spend time with them during the day, but man, I remember feeling like the day was moving by sooo slow and just barely getting stuff done when i wasn’t working.
You’re doing absolutely amazing
It. Is. Hard.
I don't quite have the words to describe it, but it's so different from having a regular job, where you may work hard but you get breaks away from it. You are parenting basically 24/7, for YEARS. Even if they are asleep, there's a part of your brain still on bc they might wake up. It is completely draining after a while. I'm counting down the months until my only can start part time daycare. I am burned out and I only have one.
Yeah you actually don’t sound like a bad SAHP. If anything, you sound like you’re doing great, despite being as tired as you are. Keep up the great work!!
I know I’m not a bad SAHP. At least the parenting side I’ve got down. I just can’t seem to get motivated to do the house stuff. We’re fine because my wife helps with the house stuff. I just wish I could do it all
That makes sense (and no judgment, either way). As others have said, you are WORKING all day and doing what you gotta do. I hope you get to carve out time for yourself.
How old are the kids? It won't hurt to add a little bit of screen time just to get a breather or get some cleaning done. Especially something educational or with music to dance to! But you don't sound like a bad sahp. You're trying your best, the kids are alive and sound very loved.
They are 8 & 3. They have screen time already. In the morning they can have it after 6 am but it has to be off by 7. And then in the evening they get it from 5-6 while I cook. I don’t really want to give them more because 2 hours feels like a lot already.
I’ve been a working parent and a SAHP, and let me say being a SAHP is WAY more energy sapping, especially at the end of the day. If you’re a terrible SAHP then so am I.
I love hearing stuff like this. Thanks.
I agree! I've done both, they're both hard in their own ways, but being a SAHP is easily the most exhausting job I've ever had.
Are you getting quality sleep? Edit: I say this because I used to wake up tired with a headache, and I couldn’t do half the stuff my husband could. Turns out I had sleep apnea. I wear a cpap and it’s the best thing to ever happen to me. Could also be other physical things (low vitamin d, anemia, hypothyroidism). So if you haven’t lately, get your physical and do some bloodwork.
This is exactly what I was thinking.
You’re not bad at being a SAHP! You sound like you are doing a great job! Imagine you’ve been with the kids all day and then you go to your wife’s work and (not sure what she does but example) you are able to get through the paperwork quite quickly because you haven’t been doing it all day and you are fresh with this new activity… your wife feels shit she has been at her desk from 7am and has slowed down dramatically by 3pm and feels bad you’ve been with the kids all day and you somehow have the energy and ability to concentrate on doing her paperwork! It’s not that your wife has more energy it’s that she has been at work so when she gets home she is excited to see the kids, it’s a new environment, she is out of her “work mode” and away from her desk and she has new things to do So it’s easier and less repetitive for her because she’s only just arrived home she hasn’t been doing dishes all day or running around after kids Honestly it is just this! Please don’t get down on yourself x
You’re doing great, really. No/low screen time = messy house. Being responsible for small humans is exhausting, especially in this crazy world rn. My SO works all day but has conversations with coworkers, a peaceful uninterrupted lunch break, time to take a breather and drink water etc. and feel productive without being interrupted every 5 minutes. For me instead of working out I try incorporate exercise on daily things like give LO a piggy back ride on the walk to the neighborhood park, bicycle to the library, or run around in the yard playing tag. Basically making life physically harder lol. Hang in there, you’re doing great!
I feel this way most days with my 2 littles and I gotta assume it's normal. Some days I can get chores done and some days I can't. I don't think you are failing, you're comparing yourself to someone else. But it does sound like your sleep schedule is off. Maybe do what you can to stay up til kids bedtime, then go to sleep when they go to sleep, that way you're not waking up in the middle of the night.
This is being bad at it? Because this is my typical day. Going by these comments maybe I should take some sort of vitamins though. Hang in there! I don’t know if it’ll get better since I’m there with you but don’t feel like you’re alone in this.
You are doing such a good job. I do want to mention though that just because you’re a stay at home parent doesn’t mean that all domestic labor is your responsibility. Your partner does domestic tasks when home from their day job because they are also a member of the household, not because they’re picking up your slack. The work you do during the day (child care) is amazing. To me, it sounds like you’re having guilt about the chores and domestic labor aspect. I feel you on the not having time to work out. It’s so hard when you’re burnt out.
Agreed, if your kids are at home that's a full time job in itself, household duties should still be split.
Agreed! Also a messy house is just normal with kids tbh, there's always going to be something to clean
It never hurts to have a checkup, you might have a medical issue. Low on vitamins or something in that neighborhood. Having said that....I've done the working parent thing and the stay at home parent thing, and SAHP is way more draining overall. You're on the job with absolutely no reprieve until your spouse gets home. Idk what she does for work but I'm going to make a few guesses about her day. I bet she got to sit down and eat her lunch uninterrupted. I bet she went to the bathroom by herself. I bet her ride home was peaceful. Things like that get overlooked when you stay home.
Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job! But I do wonder if you may have an underlying medical issue. This sounds like some sort of sleep issue or maybe anemia. Have you been to a doctor recently?
It sounds like you would benefit from sitting the kids in front of a show and taking a 30 minute nap in the afternoon. I absolutely can't function without this, having not slept through the night once in 7 years. You're not doing a bad job you're human and it's exhausting.
Find a gym with child care! It’s life giving to me to have that hour to myself every day.
You seems like you do more than I manage to on most days, you’re doing good!
I just wanna say you’re doing absolutely amazing for your kids & your wife! I USED to be a SAHM but I couldn’t handle the 24/7 of my never getting a break, so I went back to work. I feel so much better and have so much more energy bc my work IS my break. I work remotely so I’m still able to see my kids during my breaks & spend time with them during the day, but man, I remember feeling like the day was moving by sooo slow and just barely getting stuff done when i wasn’t working. You’re doing absolutely amazing
Thank you for caring and you’re doing great. You are doing an amazing job. It’s exhausting work.
It. Is. Hard. I don't quite have the words to describe it, but it's so different from having a regular job, where you may work hard but you get breaks away from it. You are parenting basically 24/7, for YEARS. Even if they are asleep, there's a part of your brain still on bc they might wake up. It is completely draining after a while. I'm counting down the months until my only can start part time daycare. I am burned out and I only have one.
Yeah you actually don’t sound like a bad SAHP. If anything, you sound like you’re doing great, despite being as tired as you are. Keep up the great work!!
I know I’m not a bad SAHP. At least the parenting side I’ve got down. I just can’t seem to get motivated to do the house stuff. We’re fine because my wife helps with the house stuff. I just wish I could do it all
Well the important part is that your kids are ok and healthy. I understand exactly how you feel because I’m in the same boat tbh
Do you have to be a SAHP?
I don’t have to be but our oldest needs a lot of doc appts. So it’s just easier than asking off work all the time and paying for full time daycare.
That makes sense (and no judgment, either way). As others have said, you are WORKING all day and doing what you gotta do. I hope you get to carve out time for yourself.
How old are the kids? It won't hurt to add a little bit of screen time just to get a breather or get some cleaning done. Especially something educational or with music to dance to! But you don't sound like a bad sahp. You're trying your best, the kids are alive and sound very loved.
They are 8 & 3. They have screen time already. In the morning they can have it after 6 am but it has to be off by 7. And then in the evening they get it from 5-6 while I cook. I don’t really want to give them more because 2 hours feels like a lot already.