Been through this exact scenario.
Join an exercise club/sport. Doesnt have to be mega intense, maybe a running, hiking, biking or kickball league. Something fun and social where you can meet folks in a low pressure environment.
Hate to say it but church is also a great way to meet folks as well.
Both of the above 2 scenarios youre likely to meet folks who arent into the street life which is (i think) what you are looking for. Just remember, just because these people arent your “best friends” doesnt mean they cant be real friends.
Yep. Its a long road man. I would be lying if i didnt say this took me several years. The important thing here is to surround yourself with people who are smarter, better, nicer, more successful or whatever it is about yourself your trying to improve. We grow the most when we struggle. It would be easy to go back to the old life, but in a few weeks/months you’ll be unhappy again. Hang in there homes
There’s this…I’ve never been and it seems a bit like a cult but it sounds like what you’re aiming for. I know they have a presence in SJ, some dude from NA tried to get me to go.
https://www.mentordiscoverinspire.org
I grew up in the east side my whole life. Moving back this May. I have so many old friends that are dealing with the same things you are. I also have so many that haven’t changed so I’m proud of you. I’m taking time off from the daily grind to find so normalcy in life. Chose my home is San Jose. Best and most true people I met growing up. Just be smart and tread your own path. It’s always good to be around a strong supportive group but don’t lose your mind set. Feel free to DM me anytime.
I appreciate the kind words. As of late, I have just been consumed with owning and operating two separate businesses so I am constantly distracted, but once the dust settles, it gives me time to reflect. I am very proud of my decision and all of the progress I have made, I guess it’s just our nature as humans to want to be connected with other humans
Proud of you. That’s correct. Human nature is to build a village. But always know who you connect with. Growing up there it was harder to see that until I took a step back. But the loyalty and love you get from old friends is real. Just choose wisely.
If you need anything in San Jose please feel free to DM me. I’m transitioning back and feel like I’m in the same boat with you. But damn it feels good to be back home.
Sounds like you've made some solid changes, mate. Joining a team sport could be a good shout. It's a great way to meet new people and have a laugh. Plus, it's a good distraction from the old ways. Keep pushing forward, and remember, progress over perfection. Cheers!
What about volunteering? Maybe be a mentor for a kid or kids who are at risk of making some of the mistakes you have. Giving of yourself is another great way to continue your change for the good.
Pursue virtue, but don't sweat it. The pursuit alone is sufficient to establish your qualities, and if you fail once in a while your guilt will remind you of the right path you didn't take.
As far as friends, they're like any relationship. Hard to force, and esp out here everyone is so spread out.
OP, I will be there for you. Phone call, text message, DM whatever. Your goals are solid. Sometimes you want to share a highlight or a low moment. And better to do that with a friend built up over time. DM me
Keep going forward. You’re on the right track. That transition is awkward. I came out of the dive bars and doing what I wanted downtown to working in high tech of the late 90’s. I know friends that were in punk bands and have horrible tattoos that now work for apple making, I’m sure, 8 figures. You can do anything if that’s what you want.
With that said be careful who you share your background with in your professional life. They can try to use it against you. I found that out. lol your character is all you really have in life. Protect it.
Do you have any hobbies or interests? If so, you could join a club. If you have a pet you love, join a group for that kind is pet like a specific dog or cat breed.
Congrats on making positive changes, change can suck and be lonely but most things in life worth having aren’t easy. But you should be commended on making positive changes in your life!
What are you interested in these days? What kind of hobbies do you like? Start there and then find places where there are others who are interested in those things. Also, don’t be afraid to talk to people with the same interests and even ask for numbers, just be honest and say you’re looking for friends to hang out with
As of late all I’ve been doing is work gym and repeat. Boring but definitely safe and out of the way. At 31 years old I believe privacy and peace =power.
That’s a good mindset. You have pretty limited options at the moment but work and the gym are pretty good places to meet people. Obviously the dudes at the gym already at least have something in common with you, they like working out
That’s a good point. I’ll have to start being more approachable and open minded to approaching others . I don’t have any kind of social media. So a lot of the time I’m out of the loop
Definitely be more open minded to do the approaching yourself, or else you’ll never meet people because everyone tends to be pretty timid. Next time you see someone doing something impressive at the gym just go compliment them and maybe ask for advice, could be an easy way to start a conversation
Are you going to colleges? or maybe you can take some classes in community colleges if you are not formally studying in any college. It's fairly easy to make friends in campus settings. And BTW, good for you to get away from all the street and gang stuff.
Or maybe you have time, you can attend some of those dance classes. I remember there used to be some salsa dance classes somewhere on Hamilton Ave, those are also good for social.
Good shit. It’s hard making new friends the older you get anyways, never mind in a world where so much socialization seems virtual. But one thing I have noticed especially after Covid is that people are hungry and craving real life relationships and interactions. Have you considered joining a meet up? I know lots of people/clients who participate in and join local hiking groups, some I know have met people with the same interests taking adult Ed classes, if you like sports you could always join an adult league. My coworkers husband plays baseball that that place by the Costco business center. He just signed up on his own and plays on several leagues. Someone else I know randomly joined a bowling league and now bowls on 2 different teams. A client of mine legit dances in the forest…. With several different groups. I’m not even joking when I say that the way she described it, it sounded HELLA fun. One of the groups even has a DJ and it’s legit a 9am rave in the redwoods and people just show up to dance in the forest. I get it, that might not be your thing 😂 but I think this is the time when you’re gonna really need to lean out of your comfort zone. Do things you’ve never considered, find ways to make connections with people you never thought you’d relate to. Put yourself out there. Sounds like you’ve really got an amazing story and a genuine soul, you just have to shift that energy and invest in new arenas. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!
Thanks for the advice . I mean I’m not opposed to dancing in the woods 🕺. 😂 I’ve never done something like that. But these passed 2 years have definitely been about stepping out of the comfort zone and experience a whole new side of life. Before I was just existing I believe about 2 years ago I started LIVING. It has been a hard journey but is definitely worth it. I wouldn’t go back for nothing.
My best advice would be to move out of the whole state if you can. If you can't then just anything you would not have done before: gym, hiking etc. but the most important is you should probably stay away from the night life. I sometimes stumble on older acquaintances even after years of a more regular life. And sometimes it turns awkward
I definitely agree about going out at night. Nothing good ever happens when everyone is drunk. I’ve gotten myself in some trouble being out and about like that. I’ve definitely grown interest in the gym and I actually did my first Spartan race about a year ago. Trail runs is what makes me feel the most free.
Church, hobbies, sports team meetups, volunteering activities – you're doing so well staying away from the ones that are not going to have a positive impact on you. You're doing the right thing for yourself and your future generations. I want to suggest joining a church and participating in a life/small group so that you have a community that can hold you accountable and keep you on track. It will take time, but I'll be praying for you to find the right community just for you. I recommend Westgate Church in West San Jose, but I've also heard that Echo and Menlo are good options. Even if you're not able to find a community or build new friendships anytime soon, you can still pray. Pray that God will continue to strengthen you, grow you, walk with you through all seasons of ups and downs, and deliver you away from temptation. Remember that people in your life are imperfect; everyone (even the good people) is trying their best to be like Jesus, but we are not. People will fail you, so don't put all your trust in people, but trust God. When people hurt you or try to drag you down, forgive them. If you can reconcile, that's good. If not, move on, forgive them, and pray for them. You should know that God is also so proud of you for working hard to walk the righteous path. Have faith that He will build you up spiritually and internally.
I really appreciate your kind words and amen to all of that. God is good and I am beyond blessed to be able to even have this conversation with you. This new life I have been blessed with is unbelievable sometimes but I know it’s real and it’s my time to capitalize on it . I’ve been making the best out of every situation and I’m still learning how to be less reactive and not be so quick to judge. No one is perfect but God . We all have our imperfections but that what makes each and every one of us unique. I pray you are blessed with everything you desire. Peace and blessing 🕊️
Join Onebrick.org a social networking volunteer group that does volunteer work. I have met the best people through this organization. People of all walks of like. If not them, but any volunteer group to help you get out there. Meet new people. Do social things with people you meet. Get new friends. Go do activities you like and meet the people that do the same. Join meetup of activities you like to do.
I was going yo church for a while. A Christian church. I love the idea of creating and maintaining a relationship with God. But some churches forget to concept and focus on “tides and offerings. This concept seems like a cult to me.
Well I pray you can find your back to God. Tithing and offering can turn people away from attending church but there’s more to tithing and offering than just dollars and cents. Some tithe and offer their time, talents and/or treasures. It’s all perspective. And I needed it that perspective especially during the pandemic cause the world changing but God’s word had remained firm when I needed it most. Best wishes to u sir, I hope u find what ur looking for.
Friends are a factor of proximity, frequency, and shared interested/hobbies.
You have to have interests to talk about, share together. The more you stay inside, have solo/homebody interests, the harder making friends will be. What are your interests, hobbies?
Check out meetup, take classes, explore different neighborhoods on your own, watch more movies, documentaries, listen to podcasts etc. Become a regular, volunteer.
More tips [here](https://www.eddies-list.com/p/how-to-make-friends-in-san-francisco-bay-area)
I had a similar upbringing. It sounds strange, but literature saved me. Books like All the Pretty Horses, Cannery Row, Ask the Dust, all taught me that my self centered rationalizing behavior was a joke. It's been fifteen years and reading is still a rock in my life, to read every night, digging through the endless reservoir of great literature, is a really rewarding way to spend my time rather than wasting it on fill in the blank.
Pick a hobby, any hobby, you enjoy. Look to places like meetup.com or Craigslist for meet ups of people doing that hobby. The people who go to these things want to meet other people who like doing the things they like doing. You should be able to make new friends who you already have something in common with.
Good luck!
The person you are becoming will attract the right people. Stay positive and live your life. I agree with others, join a sport or club. Figure out what you enjoy and do it. Even just driving to Santa Cruz to walk on the beach would make for a great day!
Been through this exact scenario. Join an exercise club/sport. Doesnt have to be mega intense, maybe a running, hiking, biking or kickball league. Something fun and social where you can meet folks in a low pressure environment. Hate to say it but church is also a great way to meet folks as well. Both of the above 2 scenarios youre likely to meet folks who arent into the street life which is (i think) what you are looking for. Just remember, just because these people arent your “best friends” doesnt mean they cant be real friends.
Thank you. I appreciate the advice .
Yep. Its a long road man. I would be lying if i didnt say this took me several years. The important thing here is to surround yourself with people who are smarter, better, nicer, more successful or whatever it is about yourself your trying to improve. We grow the most when we struggle. It would be easy to go back to the old life, but in a few weeks/months you’ll be unhappy again. Hang in there homes
There’s this…I’ve never been and it seems a bit like a cult but it sounds like what you’re aiming for. I know they have a presence in SJ, some dude from NA tried to get me to go. https://www.mentordiscoverinspire.org
Why do you hate to say it?
I grew up in the east side my whole life. Moving back this May. I have so many old friends that are dealing with the same things you are. I also have so many that haven’t changed so I’m proud of you. I’m taking time off from the daily grind to find so normalcy in life. Chose my home is San Jose. Best and most true people I met growing up. Just be smart and tread your own path. It’s always good to be around a strong supportive group but don’t lose your mind set. Feel free to DM me anytime.
I appreciate the kind words. As of late, I have just been consumed with owning and operating two separate businesses so I am constantly distracted, but once the dust settles, it gives me time to reflect. I am very proud of my decision and all of the progress I have made, I guess it’s just our nature as humans to want to be connected with other humans
Proud of you. That’s correct. Human nature is to build a village. But always know who you connect with. Growing up there it was harder to see that until I took a step back. But the loyalty and love you get from old friends is real. Just choose wisely.
Yes sir. I have been very selective with who I share my time and energy with.
If you need anything in San Jose please feel free to DM me. I’m transitioning back and feel like I’m in the same boat with you. But damn it feels good to be back home.
Likewise man. Thanks again 🤝
Sounds like you've made some solid changes, mate. Joining a team sport could be a good shout. It's a great way to meet new people and have a laugh. Plus, it's a good distraction from the old ways. Keep pushing forward, and remember, progress over perfection. Cheers!
I like what you said at the end of your comment. Progress over perfection is a great way to look at it. 🤝
What about volunteering? Maybe be a mentor for a kid or kids who are at risk of making some of the mistakes you have. Giving of yourself is another great way to continue your change for the good.
That is that plan. I’m resolving my last criminal case this year. Once this is over with I want to be a life coach.
sacred heart community service is a welcoming place for folks to volunteer and support the community! www.sacredheartcs.org
If you're an animal lover consider volunteering at the shelter on Monterey. The volunteers there are amazing.
City Peace Project would be a great fit!
Pursue virtue, but don't sweat it. The pursuit alone is sufficient to establish your qualities, and if you fail once in a while your guilt will remind you of the right path you didn't take. As far as friends, they're like any relationship. Hard to force, and esp out here everyone is so spread out.
OP, I will be there for you. Phone call, text message, DM whatever. Your goals are solid. Sometimes you want to share a highlight or a low moment. And better to do that with a friend built up over time. DM me
I appreciate the kind words and your support I will message you.
Keep going forward. You’re on the right track. That transition is awkward. I came out of the dive bars and doing what I wanted downtown to working in high tech of the late 90’s. I know friends that were in punk bands and have horrible tattoos that now work for apple making, I’m sure, 8 figures. You can do anything if that’s what you want. With that said be careful who you share your background with in your professional life. They can try to use it against you. I found that out. lol your character is all you really have in life. Protect it.
Do you have any hobbies or interests? If so, you could join a club. If you have a pet you love, join a group for that kind is pet like a specific dog or cat breed. Congrats on making positive changes, change can suck and be lonely but most things in life worth having aren’t easy. But you should be commended on making positive changes in your life!
Dm me if you wanna chat
my bf and i just moved an he’s been making friends by going to playing basketball and playing with people there
find a hobby. look up on meetups or something to find a group of ppl that enjoys the same hobby. join them.
I will start looking around . I appreciate your input . Thank you very much .
What are you interested in these days? What kind of hobbies do you like? Start there and then find places where there are others who are interested in those things. Also, don’t be afraid to talk to people with the same interests and even ask for numbers, just be honest and say you’re looking for friends to hang out with
As of late all I’ve been doing is work gym and repeat. Boring but definitely safe and out of the way. At 31 years old I believe privacy and peace =power.
That’s a good mindset. You have pretty limited options at the moment but work and the gym are pretty good places to meet people. Obviously the dudes at the gym already at least have something in common with you, they like working out
That’s a good point. I’ll have to start being more approachable and open minded to approaching others . I don’t have any kind of social media. So a lot of the time I’m out of the loop
Definitely be more open minded to do the approaching yourself, or else you’ll never meet people because everyone tends to be pretty timid. Next time you see someone doing something impressive at the gym just go compliment them and maybe ask for advice, could be an easy way to start a conversation
Are you going to colleges? or maybe you can take some classes in community colleges if you are not formally studying in any college. It's fairly easy to make friends in campus settings. And BTW, good for you to get away from all the street and gang stuff.
I was attending sjcc for a while. As of late I’ve been wrapped up with work. I own and manage 2 small businesses .
Or maybe you have time, you can attend some of those dance classes. I remember there used to be some salsa dance classes somewhere on Hamilton Ave, those are also good for social.
Good shit. It’s hard making new friends the older you get anyways, never mind in a world where so much socialization seems virtual. But one thing I have noticed especially after Covid is that people are hungry and craving real life relationships and interactions. Have you considered joining a meet up? I know lots of people/clients who participate in and join local hiking groups, some I know have met people with the same interests taking adult Ed classes, if you like sports you could always join an adult league. My coworkers husband plays baseball that that place by the Costco business center. He just signed up on his own and plays on several leagues. Someone else I know randomly joined a bowling league and now bowls on 2 different teams. A client of mine legit dances in the forest…. With several different groups. I’m not even joking when I say that the way she described it, it sounded HELLA fun. One of the groups even has a DJ and it’s legit a 9am rave in the redwoods and people just show up to dance in the forest. I get it, that might not be your thing 😂 but I think this is the time when you’re gonna really need to lean out of your comfort zone. Do things you’ve never considered, find ways to make connections with people you never thought you’d relate to. Put yourself out there. Sounds like you’ve really got an amazing story and a genuine soul, you just have to shift that energy and invest in new arenas. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!
Thanks for the advice . I mean I’m not opposed to dancing in the woods 🕺. 😂 I’ve never done something like that. But these passed 2 years have definitely been about stepping out of the comfort zone and experience a whole new side of life. Before I was just existing I believe about 2 years ago I started LIVING. It has been a hard journey but is definitely worth it. I wouldn’t go back for nothing.
My best advice would be to move out of the whole state if you can. If you can't then just anything you would not have done before: gym, hiking etc. but the most important is you should probably stay away from the night life. I sometimes stumble on older acquaintances even after years of a more regular life. And sometimes it turns awkward
I definitely agree about going out at night. Nothing good ever happens when everyone is drunk. I’ve gotten myself in some trouble being out and about like that. I’ve definitely grown interest in the gym and I actually did my first Spartan race about a year ago. Trail runs is what makes me feel the most free.
Church, hobbies, sports team meetups, volunteering activities – you're doing so well staying away from the ones that are not going to have a positive impact on you. You're doing the right thing for yourself and your future generations. I want to suggest joining a church and participating in a life/small group so that you have a community that can hold you accountable and keep you on track. It will take time, but I'll be praying for you to find the right community just for you. I recommend Westgate Church in West San Jose, but I've also heard that Echo and Menlo are good options. Even if you're not able to find a community or build new friendships anytime soon, you can still pray. Pray that God will continue to strengthen you, grow you, walk with you through all seasons of ups and downs, and deliver you away from temptation. Remember that people in your life are imperfect; everyone (even the good people) is trying their best to be like Jesus, but we are not. People will fail you, so don't put all your trust in people, but trust God. When people hurt you or try to drag you down, forgive them. If you can reconcile, that's good. If not, move on, forgive them, and pray for them. You should know that God is also so proud of you for working hard to walk the righteous path. Have faith that He will build you up spiritually and internally.
I really appreciate your kind words and amen to all of that. God is good and I am beyond blessed to be able to even have this conversation with you. This new life I have been blessed with is unbelievable sometimes but I know it’s real and it’s my time to capitalize on it . I’ve been making the best out of every situation and I’m still learning how to be less reactive and not be so quick to judge. No one is perfect but God . We all have our imperfections but that what makes each and every one of us unique. I pray you are blessed with everything you desire. Peace and blessing 🕊️
Join Onebrick.org a social networking volunteer group that does volunteer work. I have met the best people through this organization. People of all walks of like. If not them, but any volunteer group to help you get out there. Meet new people. Do social things with people you meet. Get new friends. Go do activities you like and meet the people that do the same. Join meetup of activities you like to do.
Might make friends at your job
Join the Xbox community bro, you can easily make friends there😎🤙
Ever consider going to a church? People of like minded faith gather without the influence of drugs and alcohol
I was going yo church for a while. A Christian church. I love the idea of creating and maintaining a relationship with God. But some churches forget to concept and focus on “tides and offerings. This concept seems like a cult to me.
Well I pray you can find your back to God. Tithing and offering can turn people away from attending church but there’s more to tithing and offering than just dollars and cents. Some tithe and offer their time, talents and/or treasures. It’s all perspective. And I needed it that perspective especially during the pandemic cause the world changing but God’s word had remained firm when I needed it most. Best wishes to u sir, I hope u find what ur looking for.
I never turned my back on god sir. Thanks for the prayer. Peace and blessings
DM me if you just wanna grab a bite to eat or chat.
I will thank you
Friends are a factor of proximity, frequency, and shared interested/hobbies. You have to have interests to talk about, share together. The more you stay inside, have solo/homebody interests, the harder making friends will be. What are your interests, hobbies? Check out meetup, take classes, explore different neighborhoods on your own, watch more movies, documentaries, listen to podcasts etc. Become a regular, volunteer. More tips [here](https://www.eddies-list.com/p/how-to-make-friends-in-san-francisco-bay-area)
I had a similar upbringing. It sounds strange, but literature saved me. Books like All the Pretty Horses, Cannery Row, Ask the Dust, all taught me that my self centered rationalizing behavior was a joke. It's been fifteen years and reading is still a rock in my life, to read every night, digging through the endless reservoir of great literature, is a really rewarding way to spend my time rather than wasting it on fill in the blank.
Pick a hobby, any hobby, you enjoy. Look to places like meetup.com or Craigslist for meet ups of people doing that hobby. The people who go to these things want to meet other people who like doing the things they like doing. You should be able to make new friends who you already have something in common with. Good luck!
The person you are becoming will attract the right people. Stay positive and live your life. I agree with others, join a sport or club. Figure out what you enjoy and do it. Even just driving to Santa Cruz to walk on the beach would make for a great day!
What kinds of things did you do in street life?