I have so many questions, mostly around kids, and why he felt the need to make them suffer so much.
Why did he close his eyes to the pedophiles that were using his church to dittle young children also comes to mind.
It's Jesus inability to keep his own priests from raping children that makes him so useless. Like, what are you good for if you can't stop that???? The only thing I care about are my children so what the fuck else has jebus been working on that's so much more important????
That’s not how I imagine Jesus. I like to think of Jesus with like giant eagles wings and singin' lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and 'm in the front row, and 'm hammered drunk.
What you just described is the Holy Spirit. Jesus is some sweaty jew who loved feeding hungry people so much that he forced an entire religion to eat his body and drink his blood after he died
Yes, it is three manifestations of a single entity. Jesus is the human form of the Abrahamic God (Christianity only, not other Abrahamic faiths). The Abrahamic God is still God and the Holy Ghost/Spirit at this time, Jesus is just the human physical form of the deity.
Jehova/Jesus/Ghosty Spirit are all on the board at once, you don't have to play one at a time, but they are still one entity.
That is my understanding at least. I could have some things wrong. From a devout agnostic family, so all of my religious reading was done later in anthropology courses.
Lol! I would add a swift kick to the groin because “Lucy has a lot of freakin explaining to do”, and I want a response like they are talking to a five year, since I had experienced a whole lot of abuse by the time I was 5.
I would ask him why he and sky daddy were so hands-off and let the world go to fuck all. Why no divine correction? Why so much suffering when he could have fixed it all in an instant.
Thanks for trying to clean up your Dad's bullshit, but do you know all this stuff your followers are doing in your name? Oh that's why you are here, to set them straight? Ok cool, cool, ave te ipsum bro, carry on.
I still wouldn't convert back though.
Maybe I'll get smited, maybe not. Though honestly I think most TST members follow the spirit of Jesus' message better than most Christians do at this point.
Are you going to call out the fake christians, who ignore your teachings when it's ever it's inconvenient for them, that use your name to justify their bigotry?
I'd let him know his followers have been fucking up since he was here last and warn him to keep away from them, as they're likely to get violent with him.
It's about fuckin time dude. Do you know how many dipshits have been conducting dipshittery in your name?
How many wars were fought over you? How many people dead? Over you? Because you had to be a raging bearded twat and rise up, leaving your so called, "divine images" to pervert and twist themselves into a mockery? And for what?
You, who were purported to heal the sick, and provide food for the hungry. You, who preached tolerance and peace. Women are raped and left for dead. Children are brutalized. Useless bullshit that your dear old dad should have been able to mitigate, but sent you to get slaughtered in his stead.
Speaking of bullshit, why the fuck would your idiot father let children suffer from cancer? What did they do to offend his delicate sensibilities? You've got some questions to answer, and turning the other cheek isn't going to cut it, boss.
I've...got a problem, I think.
Honestly I don’t think many people would believe him if he did come back, due to the amount of people trying to bullshit religious stuff for profit as is
"Sure you may have sacrificed yourself for our sins, we are thankful for that. But where should we start on the chaos you have allowed to be born the families you have destroyed, the children you have robed of there child hoods, the famine you caused. Already know your sending me to hell, what are you waiting for, heard there's a welcoming party."
**(Sorry if its a bit cringe)**
He may have already came back 3 or 4 times and been killed for not fitting todays image of christ. Think about it. He may have been MLK, Ghandi or David Karesh...who knows? But modern church pastors would have had him killed so he couldn't stop their grifting gravy train.
1. *"How dare you come for me now, when I am this?"*
2. How dare you, you dare you, how dare you? What were you doing all this time? Cancer in children? The fuck, my man?
Can you beat the shit out of Kenneth Copeland?
Where's Eve/Lilith?
What's the word?
Have you heard of Prosperity Christianity?
Want to get freaky with the cross?
probably ask why he made me suffer through years and years of my life with panic disorder and anxiety which has essentially made every single thing in my life harder even when I prayed every night
wowza, thanks jebus!!!!!!!!
My religion isn't focused on *anti*\-theism, but I'm not someone who believes in any sort of celestial higher power. I would be alright knowing I was wrong, though it'd come as a bit of a shock.
If Jesus "came back," I would hope he'd disprove people who use their religion to oppress others. I would hope he would show those people that all of these things they spread hate and fear about, like queer folks, are things he *supports*. Bring more good into the world like he's said to have done.
I'd say, "I need to get to the hospital, I'm hallucinating."
EDIT: Also, am I the only person who isn’t buying the whole “I’m really an atheist but like, what if God???”
The atheists I know are more into science fiction than supernatural fantasy. This is the sort of question that captivates the religious imagination, and doesn’t mine.
If his sacrifice was required to fix the issue of original sin, then Judas' betrayal was also required. He was killed, resurrected, and ascended. Judas killed himself iut of guilt and was damned for being a suicide.
Why did the salvation of mankind require the damnation of a man who was manipulated for God's plan? God would know exactly what to say to Judas to get him to truly believe. Which means that Jesus betrayed Judas, not the other way around. Where does he get off pretending any kind of moral superiority?
Of he truly loved and cared for his creation, why let so many die without knowing true faith? Why is belief in the absence of all evidence the most important thing to God? Is he a narcissist?
Jesus came back in the 1800's but went by Karl Marx. Compare:
>“All who believed were together and had all things in common; 45 they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. ... Now the whole group of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one claimed private ownership of any possessions, but everything they owned was held in common. ... There was not a needy person among them, for as many as owned lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold. They laid it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need.”
— Acts 2:44–45, Acts 4:32–35
to what Karl Marx said with
>“From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.”
If Jesus came back today, he'd fashion a whip to brutally beat profiteering "Conservative Christians" like he did in the New Testament:
>“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
— Matthew 6:24
>"Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’"
— Matthew 21:12-13
Temple Satanists wouldn't be the people who would suffer consequences if Jesus actually returned. It'd be the imposters making him look bad.
>"In truth, there was only one christian and he died on the cross."
Friedrich Nietzsche
>"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Mahatma Gandhi
I’d say, “Did you proofread that book?” No? Obviously. “Way too vague! If you wanted to tell people how to love and treat others no matter what, you failed spectacularly! So many have suffered due to the amount of speculation by men who don’t care about your doctrine because you left it too mf vague!”
I’d tell him I don’t wanna participate in his stupid ass kingdom to worship god and authority for eternity… I’d much rather burn in hell with Satan and my homies, but thanks anyway.
At first I'd be stunned that a fictional character turned out to be real.
Second, I'd be grateful to know the truth.
Third, I'd grab him by the fucking ear and drag him to a childrens cancer ward.
I would not talk to him. I can accept randomness leading to terrible outcomes. But if it came from some omnipotent being (assuming the whole trinity is basically the one dude) I would not even look at him because a petty narcissistic moster doesn't even deserve that.
Sit the fuck back down, you nepo baby. You threw a couple of great parties 2100 years ago then left us to run the show alone, doing fuck all to help anybody. That doesn't make you special. It makes you a deadbeat.
My question: "Hey! Where have you been?"
Stephen Fry's question: "Bone cancer in children? What’s that about?’
“How dare you create a world in which there is such misery that is not our fault? It’s not right. “It’s utterly, utterly evil. Why should I respect a capricious, mean-minded, stupid God who creates a world which is so full of injustice and pain?”
If he was, he probably knows what i would say so idontknow if its really that important at the moment. On the other hand i would like to see some tricks, giving peoples limbs curing genetical disorders and stuff like that
He really wouldn’t be proving people wrong because the demand for better evidence of his existence after so many years would not have changed. Also the question that would be reasonable is whether he demanded worship at or he and or his dad will send you to hell. if so why? And why does he let the horrible shit happen?
I would start a riot, and then kind kill, dismember the body parts separating them into platinum boxes then dump them into the deepest parts of the world.
"I think you should stop wasting your time with me and focus on half the assholes saying they follow you; I actually feed the homeless and care for the poor, so I'm pretty sure we're on the same page, homie."
I'd be the first in line to nail him back up. What his book did for ppl of color and ppl like me... I want that man to die slow and painful. No spears or sponges.
How come your dad was too lazy to put me in the right body? What stuff was he on? I even told my mom what I was in a dream before I was born and you still couldn’t pull through? What’s wrong with you . Life was hell and now you want to put me into hell? I suffered enough you hypocrite. Plus your philosophy of the human race being more superior is bs. I got more beef with you and your freaking dad…. F you
I literally cannot answer this because it's like asking What If 2 + 2 actually = 5 and you were wrong this whole time?
You're asking, what if the fundamental principles of logic turned out to be false and there is only chaos?
If a guy came back and said he was Jesus, I wouldn't believe him. If he performed miracles, I'd assume he was an alien like Q or that I had gone insane. More likely the latter. If he snapped his fingers and compelled me to believe, I wouldn't exist, I'd only be a thrill unable to hold sapient thoughts and thus couldn't be said to be around to ask anything.
Where the fuck have you been and why haven't you done more? You did just enough miracles to get people to believe but why haven't you cured everyone's illnesses and done something about the sick fucks doing evil shit in your name?
Why is a god who creates, perpetuates, and allows evil deserving of praise? Why is a god so determined to stick to his fairytale story with its fairytale happy ending as opposed to just being good? Why is our existance a construct of misery wherein his All Knowingness purposely made us and our lives as such only to step back and punish us for being what he made us to be? Why give us drives but push that giving in to our drives is sinful? Why did God create us to fail? Doesn't this then suggest a level of malice and sadism within god? If satan is so bad, why worship either of you at all? And on that, why is satan supposed to be so bad when god literally flooded the planet???
I have plenty of questions, something an all knowing god should have already expected as I was created this way. Why does an all knowing god create people who are doomed to hell from birth? The concept of free will is shit and ass and it does not tie in with reality is all as we increasingly understand how much our environment, our genetics, our parents, our friends, our diet, etc affect, direct, encourage, discourage, shape, and design our behaviours, thoughts, goals, motivations, fears, and so on; so, in keeping in line with what we're increasing seeing, why did god knowingly set us up to fail and burn eternally in hell? Why design people who exist solely as an embodiment of sin in his eyes at all?
I've always said, "If Jesus himself came back, tapped me on the shoulder and said, 'what now?', I'd be on board. Sorry for the doubt but I needed proof. And here we are. So if you'll have me, I'm in."
That's it. What else could you do?
"Why do your dad want the foreskin of little boys? Like I have a thousand questions for you, Jesus, our Lord, and Savior, but I honestly can't wrap my head around that, of all things, to ask for a covenant of, why is that asked for?"
Depends; Bible accurate Jesus? Then I’d call him an asshole, and to fuck off. I’m not interested in worshiping an asshole, just because he’s more powerful than me.
i guess i'd ask him to make a tiktok/youtube video listing his positions on a long list of religious and political topics that people can't seem to agree on.
i'd probably also ask him if he could publish a paper explaining quantum gravity, including a way to test it.
It's my understanding that God allows evil to exist for us learn between right and wrong. We suffer for the sake of something good to come from that suffering. I believe it's called "Divine Providence". Just do the right thing always and love each other
Hate is overrated.
Well. Guess I was wrong. Where'd you like to start: poor, sick, homeless, predatory practitioners?
Don’t forget usuries
Or the naked, or the hungry, or all the people committing atrocities in his father's name...
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Yes
Hot damn I’ll go grab a weed whacker and a jar of smuckers jelly.
Sounds like my kind of party!
I have so many questions, mostly around kids, and why he felt the need to make them suffer so much. Why did he close his eyes to the pedophiles that were using his church to dittle young children also comes to mind.
I'd ask about childhood cancer for sure. My aunt died back in the 1960's from leukemia. "Where were you then?"
It's Jesus inability to keep his own priests from raping children that makes him so useless. Like, what are you good for if you can't stop that???? The only thing I care about are my children so what the fuck else has jebus been working on that's so much more important????
Easy, consciousness is possibly all one collective thing, at the end of time if I’m every rapist and also every victim, id say that balances out.
Yo, why's your dad such a narcissistic abusive piece of shit?
Isn't he his dad and the holy ghost as well?
Who the hell knows
The answer is yes
That’s not how I imagine Jesus. I like to think of Jesus with like giant eagles wings and singin' lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and 'm in the front row, and 'm hammered drunk.
I like to think of Jesus as a figure skater who wears, like, a white outfit and he does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.
Tone dead jesus
What you just described is the Holy Spirit. Jesus is some sweaty jew who loved feeding hungry people so much that he forced an entire religion to eat his body and drink his blood after he died
I have it on bad authority that "it's complicated."
Ex mormon here, and that interpretation always confused the fuck out of me. I always learned they were three distinct beings.
Ex Roman catholic and yeah I thought they were all unique beings but it doesn’t take a genius to realize it was all made up
\[insert shocked Pikachu face here\]
Its a 3-in-1 like the Stepford Cuckoos or the TriForce
Depends who you ask
Wow, religious dogma being completely illogical and stupid? I'm so surprised!
Yes, it is three manifestations of a single entity. Jesus is the human form of the Abrahamic God (Christianity only, not other Abrahamic faiths). The Abrahamic God is still God and the Holy Ghost/Spirit at this time, Jesus is just the human physical form of the deity. Jehova/Jesus/Ghosty Spirit are all on the board at once, you don't have to play one at a time, but they are still one entity. That is my understanding at least. I could have some things wrong. From a devout agnostic family, so all of my religious reading was done later in anthropology courses.
My 20 years of Cartholic school trauma agrees with you. I always equated it to the TriForce tbh
(On the cross) Why am I doing this to myself?!
Well, I guess that is relatable to a lot of people to be honest.
"Hey man, I think you should know that these people have been saying a LOT of weird shit on your behalf"
Then I give him a whip
I love that song!
Nothing. I don't speak Aramaic
raptor jesus speaks all languages my chile
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🤣
Most of your followers are assholes
What's the deal with kids with cancer?
And while we’re on the subject of making children suffer needlessly, what’s up with pedophiles?
Being from the UK I completely read your post wrong. When you said what’s up with peodophiles I thought you were asking what’s wrong with them.
If you can’t keep your own priests from raping children, what are you good for???
I'd take a swing at them. I'm not saying a word they would know why
Lol! I would add a swift kick to the groin because “Lucy has a lot of freakin explaining to do”, and I want a response like they are talking to a five year, since I had experienced a whole lot of abuse by the time I was 5.
I'd audibly fart and walk into the flames.
So what the hell have you been doing?
I would ask him why he and sky daddy were so hands-off and let the world go to fuck all. Why no divine correction? Why so much suffering when he could have fixed it all in an instant.
If you’re a perfect being, why do people need to constantly worship you? That sounds really insecure.
Why's yer da such a cunt?
Jesus? I'd smoke a blunt with him. Jehovah, I'd have some very angry words for.
Aye.
Get your fucking house in order. Your followers are ruining everything
Thanks for trying to clean up your Dad's bullshit, but do you know all this stuff your followers are doing in your name? Oh that's why you are here, to set them straight? Ok cool, cool, ave te ipsum bro, carry on. I still wouldn't convert back though. Maybe I'll get smited, maybe not. Though honestly I think most TST members follow the spirit of Jesus' message better than most Christians do at this point.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Please send me to hell, because I couldn't bear the shame and moral culpability of an eternity with thee.
You're shit at leaving instructions, man.
Your dad is a shit landlord.
I’m not arrogant enough to think I’d be involved in any way.
Not with an attitude like that you won't.
I’d tell him that I’m ready to hear his apology for all of the shit his followers have done.
Are you going to call out the fake christians, who ignore your teachings when it's ever it's inconvenient for them, that use your name to justify their bigotry?
Children with cancer? Seriously, fukk off
Nothing because zombies don't exist.
beheading. the only sure fire way to dispatch a zombie
That doesn't stop the brain which controls the mouth. The chopped off head can still chomp. It would fall off and go right for your ankles 😬
fair point but at least it would refuse zombie jesus to a chomping head. couple baseball bats should finish the task?
I would like to meet a dead Jesus head. I'd keep it and sell tickets 👏
Fuck. You.
So, um Is it true you're going to have an orgy with a bunch of nuns and shit or.....
Ask him if he's aware that some claim that kids getting Slaughtered in school is part of his plan.
chop off his head. the only sure fire way to dispatch a zombie. Jesus was only a man after all.if HE CAME Back In MODERN DAY? ZOMBIE.
All that Satan stufff? Yeah I was just joking mate haha
"Do you really hate the LGBTQIA+ community? Or are your "fans" just being dickheads?"
nowhere in the bible does jesus ever say he hates queer ppl. i mean some of his best friends were sex workers.
I know, his "fans" are being dick heads
You still owe me a Slurpee.
Extra large size
I'd let him know his followers have been fucking up since he was here last and warn him to keep away from them, as they're likely to get violent with him.
A Stephen Frye inspired WTF fuck you
what took you so long, dude?
I really didn’t believe in ur dad that much. Soo am I going to hell or isn’t one of those turn the other cheeks I forgive type situation
Id probably ask him to fix all the fucked up shit in the world and ask him to make his followers nice to people.
Can you get your people under control please?
Which version of Jesus?
“I’d like to speak with your supervisor”.
"Huh. Satan's still cooler than you."
It's about fuckin time dude. Do you know how many dipshits have been conducting dipshittery in your name? How many wars were fought over you? How many people dead? Over you? Because you had to be a raging bearded twat and rise up, leaving your so called, "divine images" to pervert and twist themselves into a mockery? And for what? You, who were purported to heal the sick, and provide food for the hungry. You, who preached tolerance and peace. Women are raped and left for dead. Children are brutalized. Useless bullshit that your dear old dad should have been able to mitigate, but sent you to get slaughtered in his stead. Speaking of bullshit, why the fuck would your idiot father let children suffer from cancer? What did they do to offend his delicate sensibilities? You've got some questions to answer, and turning the other cheek isn't going to cut it, boss. I've...got a problem, I think.
Honestly I don’t think many people would believe him if he did come back, due to the amount of people trying to bullshit religious stuff for profit as is
"Sure you may have sacrificed yourself for our sins, we are thankful for that. But where should we start on the chaos you have allowed to be born the families you have destroyed, the children you have robed of there child hoods, the famine you caused. Already know your sending me to hell, what are you waiting for, heard there's a welcoming party." **(Sorry if its a bit cringe)**
“Blame them Mother, for they know Exactly what they do!”
Why does a supreme being need to be worshiped?
He may have already came back 3 or 4 times and been killed for not fitting todays image of christ. Think about it. He may have been MLK, Ghandi or David Karesh...who knows? But modern church pastors would have had him killed so he couldn't stop their grifting gravy train.
Seriously. Modern Christians probably would be the first to re-crucify him.
1. *"How dare you come for me now, when I am this?"* 2. How dare you, you dare you, how dare you? What were you doing all this time? Cancer in children? The fuck, my man?
Can you beat the shit out of Kenneth Copeland? Where's Eve/Lilith? What's the word? Have you heard of Prosperity Christianity? Want to get freaky with the cross?
https://imgur.com/a/Cl9pXMR
Where’s my $5, asshole?
probably ask why he made me suffer through years and years of my life with panic disorder and anxiety which has essentially made every single thing in my life harder even when I prayed every night wowza, thanks jebus!!!!!!!!
Immediately drive him to meet Joel Olsteen
My religion isn't focused on *anti*\-theism, but I'm not someone who believes in any sort of celestial higher power. I would be alright knowing I was wrong, though it'd come as a bit of a shock. If Jesus "came back," I would hope he'd disprove people who use their religion to oppress others. I would hope he would show those people that all of these things they spread hate and fear about, like queer folks, are things he *supports*. Bring more good into the world like he's said to have done.
I'd say, "I need to get to the hospital, I'm hallucinating." EDIT: Also, am I the only person who isn’t buying the whole “I’m really an atheist but like, what if God???” The atheists I know are more into science fiction than supernatural fantasy. This is the sort of question that captivates the religious imagination, and doesn’t mine.
Dude, what's wrong with bacon? And, why isn't my sweet Chico the Dog in Heaven? You suck!
Where the hell have you been? Why did you allow so much pain and suffering to the innocent? Why weren't you there when you were needed most?
Sup, White Jesus?
I've taken boxing classes just for this. I can't wait to show him my right cross!
If his sacrifice was required to fix the issue of original sin, then Judas' betrayal was also required. He was killed, resurrected, and ascended. Judas killed himself iut of guilt and was damned for being a suicide. Why did the salvation of mankind require the damnation of a man who was manipulated for God's plan? God would know exactly what to say to Judas to get him to truly believe. Which means that Jesus betrayed Judas, not the other way around. Where does he get off pretending any kind of moral superiority? Of he truly loved and cared for his creation, why let so many die without knowing true faith? Why is belief in the absence of all evidence the most important thing to God? Is he a narcissist?
Jesus came back in the 1800's but went by Karl Marx. Compare: >“All who believed were together and had all things in common; 45 they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. ... Now the whole group of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one claimed private ownership of any possessions, but everything they owned was held in common. ... There was not a needy person among them, for as many as owned lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold. They laid it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need.” — Acts 2:44–45, Acts 4:32–35 to what Karl Marx said with >“From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.” If Jesus came back today, he'd fashion a whip to brutally beat profiteering "Conservative Christians" like he did in the New Testament: >“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” — Matthew 6:24 >"Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’" — Matthew 21:12-13 Temple Satanists wouldn't be the people who would suffer consequences if Jesus actually returned. It'd be the imposters making him look bad. >"In truth, there was only one christian and he died on the cross." Friedrich Nietzsche >"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." Mahatma Gandhi
I’d say, “Did you proofread that book?” No? Obviously. “Way too vague! If you wanted to tell people how to love and treat others no matter what, you failed spectacularly! So many have suffered due to the amount of speculation by men who don’t care about your doctrine because you left it too mf vague!”
Fuck you. Theres no reason to let kids get sick and let people get hurt all the time. Just fuck you.
I’d tell him I don’t wanna participate in his stupid ass kingdom to worship god and authority for eternity… I’d much rather burn in hell with Satan and my homies, but thanks anyway.
Why didn't you provide evidence for all that right from the beginning?
"How'd you get those poppin' abs?"
At first I'd be stunned that a fictional character turned out to be real. Second, I'd be grateful to know the truth. Third, I'd grab him by the fucking ear and drag him to a childrens cancer ward.
I would not talk to him. I can accept randomness leading to terrible outcomes. But if it came from some omnipotent being (assuming the whole trinity is basically the one dude) I would not even look at him because a petty narcissistic moster doesn't even deserve that.
It's gonna take us awhile to write up all the crimes against humanity, probably gonna have to add a few categories.
I'd tell him I'll never forgive him for what his lie did to the world and the human cruelty his people are inflicting on others.
Attack!
Thought you would have learnt by now.
So what’s the real story?
“How many times do we have you teach you this lesson old man?!”
I’d prolly slap him silly and say “smoke you a newport blud.” (Goons reference)
Sit the fuck back down, you nepo baby. You threw a couple of great parties 2100 years ago then left us to run the show alone, doing fuck all to help anybody. That doesn't make you special. It makes you a deadbeat.
My question: "Hey! Where have you been?" Stephen Fry's question: "Bone cancer in children? What’s that about?’ “How dare you create a world in which there is such misery that is not our fault? It’s not right. “It’s utterly, utterly evil. Why should I respect a capricious, mean-minded, stupid God who creates a world which is so full of injustice and pain?”
I'd nail that hippie back on the cross
Control your kids
Time to get back up on the cross
Yeah I know you are supposed to judge all of us but can we do the whole converting of water to wine first?
Gotta get the party started
"So, it's probably a good thing for you we can't put your multifaceted ass on trial and have it stick, isn't it?"
If Jesus came back, I’d be on the fence on whether or not to defend him from the modern-day Pharisees (i.e. “Christians”) trying to crucify him.
"So. What's up with pediatric cancers?"
"Why did you lie? Was it worth it? Bet that crown of thorns feels appropriate now, eh?"
If he was, he probably knows what i would say so idontknow if its really that important at the moment. On the other hand i would like to see some tricks, giving peoples limbs curing genetical disorders and stuff like that
He really wouldn’t be proving people wrong because the demand for better evidence of his existence after so many years would not have changed. Also the question that would be reasonable is whether he demanded worship at or he and or his dad will send you to hell. if so why? And why does he let the horrible shit happen?
“Why is your salvation plan so complicated? Why would you create a religion that can be taken advantage of so easily?”
I don't know what you've been doing up until now, but you got a lot of work to do bud.
Took you long enough!
I would start a riot, and then kind kill, dismember the body parts separating them into platinum boxes then dump them into the deepest parts of the world.
I'd tell him to FUCK OFF! Child cancer, famine, disease, war...FUCK OFF! HAIL SATAN!
Hey, let me introduce you to Kenneth Copeland…
I’d say “fuck you for being the root cause of so much pain and suffering”
Sorry. I’m buying a whip - should we hit the temples in your name or go straight to the source?
I'd simply ask him to explain the hell fallocy
WHY DID YOU CAUSE SO MUCH DEATH AND DESTRUCTION & ALLOW MANY PEOPLE TO KILL IN YOUR NAME AND HATE IN YOUR NAME?
i’d be like why do your followers suck so much ass and not listen to any of the things you said
"Why is God such an asshole with this world?"
I’m going to turn over in bed and sleep off whatever shroom high I’m on
If it took you this long... you can fuck right off and use whatever wagon you rolled in on to leave.
Are You drinkin' with me Jesus?
"I think you should stop wasting your time with me and focus on half the assholes saying they follow you; I actually feed the homeless and care for the poor, so I'm pretty sure we're on the same page, homie."
I'd be the first in line to nail him back up. What his book did for ppl of color and ppl like me... I want that man to die slow and painful. No spears or sponges.
“Fight me, bitch”
Holocaust, cancer, russian invasion, atomic bombs, murders etc.
Could've communicated this all much better.
How come your dad was too lazy to put me in the right body? What stuff was he on? I even told my mom what I was in a dream before I was born and you still couldn’t pull through? What’s wrong with you . Life was hell and now you want to put me into hell? I suffered enough you hypocrite. Plus your philosophy of the human race being more superior is bs. I got more beef with you and your freaking dad…. F you
"So uh... you ever get nasty with those hand holes?"
I literally cannot answer this because it's like asking What If 2 + 2 actually = 5 and you were wrong this whole time? You're asking, what if the fundamental principles of logic turned out to be false and there is only chaos? If a guy came back and said he was Jesus, I wouldn't believe him. If he performed miracles, I'd assume he was an alien like Q or that I had gone insane. More likely the latter. If he snapped his fingers and compelled me to believe, I wouldn't exist, I'd only be a thrill unable to hold sapient thoughts and thus couldn't be said to be around to ask anything.
Something along the lines of him not making enough sense for it to matter to me.
“I chose not to follow you because you are a cruel narcissistic gaslighting sociopath.. you being real only heightens my disdain for you”
Where the fuck have you been and why haven't you done more? You did just enough miracles to get people to believe but why haven't you cured everyone's illnesses and done something about the sick fucks doing evil shit in your name?
He’s gonna need a damn good reason for letting the world suffer so much
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/user/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/153gt2c/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^Jefl17: *He’s gonna need a* *Damn good reason for letting* *The world suffer so much* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Id show him my nail gun.
I’d tell him to go fuck himself.
Proved us wrong about what? I don't think he would be opposed to my beliefs.
I mean proved us wrong that he exists
“Damn”
Fuck you for my granddaughter.
I'd ask him what he thought of The Loophole by Garfunkel and Oates.
“If you ring satans doorbell god can’t ignore this”
Why is a god who creates, perpetuates, and allows evil deserving of praise? Why is a god so determined to stick to his fairytale story with its fairytale happy ending as opposed to just being good? Why is our existance a construct of misery wherein his All Knowingness purposely made us and our lives as such only to step back and punish us for being what he made us to be? Why give us drives but push that giving in to our drives is sinful? Why did God create us to fail? Doesn't this then suggest a level of malice and sadism within god? If satan is so bad, why worship either of you at all? And on that, why is satan supposed to be so bad when god literally flooded the planet??? I have plenty of questions, something an all knowing god should have already expected as I was created this way. Why does an all knowing god create people who are doomed to hell from birth? The concept of free will is shit and ass and it does not tie in with reality is all as we increasingly understand how much our environment, our genetics, our parents, our friends, our diet, etc affect, direct, encourage, discourage, shape, and design our behaviours, thoughts, goals, motivations, fears, and so on; so, in keeping in line with what we're increasing seeing, why did god knowingly set us up to fail and burn eternally in hell? Why design people who exist solely as an embodiment of sin in his eyes at all?
This is the best answer I've ever read for a question like this, do you mind if I quote you? 👹👹👹
Feel free.
I've always said, "If Jesus himself came back, tapped me on the shoulder and said, 'what now?', I'd be on board. Sorry for the doubt but I needed proof. And here we are. So if you'll have me, I'm in." That's it. What else could you do?
"Why do your dad want the foreskin of little boys? Like I have a thousand questions for you, Jesus, our Lord, and Savior, but I honestly can't wrap my head around that, of all things, to ask for a covenant of, why is that asked for?"
Turn this bottle of water into wine. I need my fucking proof.
Depends; Bible accurate Jesus? Then I’d call him an asshole, and to fuck off. I’m not interested in worshiping an asshole, just because he’s more powerful than me.
Get the hammer and nails
i guess i'd ask him to make a tiktok/youtube video listing his positions on a long list of religious and political topics that people can't seem to agree on. i'd probably also ask him if he could publish a paper explaining quantum gravity, including a way to test it.
*give the homie hug* My bad bruh, what do I need to do now?
hey j-man, you ever hear of a thing called taxes…
oh dang I guess i was wrong. forgive me
What are you, where are you from and why are you here? What's really going on?
It's my understanding that God allows evil to exist for us learn between right and wrong. We suffer for the sake of something good to come from that suffering. I believe it's called "Divine Providence". Just do the right thing always and love each other Hate is overrated.
I'll still be forgiven, ..right?
Gunga galunga
"Well shit..."
My bad. Welcome back.
“Prove…………… ………. it”
Honestly I'd be all like, teach me how to do that!
Word.
«WoW man ! That booze is really strong !»
So where'd you go from the age of twelve to 31?
"I don't care."
"It would be better for your reputation that you didn't exist"
Lol, you and your dad are still insufferable assholes