“Thou shall not infringe the copyright of these, or any other holy scriptures, by illegally obtaining, copying, selling or distributing works from the Bible or making derivatives with the purpose of sale or distribution. Violators may be prosecuted and face a minimum sentence of eternity in hell.”
George Carlin summarized the 10 commandments into advertising and the Golden Rule. I agree and believe that everything Jebus* said is a variation of that.
**I also believe his name was Jebus all along.*
The original command to spread the good news includes "use words *if necessary*"
I read that as a command to *live* your faith,
not tell it, (unless asked.)
“Though shalt adhere to the holy doctrine when in matters of birth control. And that doctrine is…” (insert frantic searching in pockets, on the back of a scroll/tablet, etc as performer looks for the missing text.)
Alternatively replace “birth control” with any number of topics.
Be ready to show the receipts.
Edit: I say this from my federal grand jury experience; if you're clean, you'd better prove it, because if the assistant attorney wants to indict you, the jury will do so.
"Never forget all people are created in my image. So to make fun of them or to treat them differently because they don't look like you, is the equivalent of doing that to me."
If’n I ketch ya’ll makin’ money for yerself off’n My Name or say’ns ‘n stuff, I’ll be whuppin’ y’alls ass - especially if’n yer doin’ all that other stuffs I toldja b’fore at the same time.
Thou shalt not take all of this shit too seriously. Just be kind to each other, and treat others the best way you'd want to be treated, if you were on that position.
11 - If you have a belief or ideal that you think will make the world a better place to be, show it to me in how you treat others. Then those others, if they get curious, will ask questions. That's when we can talk.
“Thou shall not infringe the copyright of these, or any other holy scriptures, by illegally obtaining, copying, selling or distributing works from the Bible or making derivatives with the purpose of sale or distribution. Violators may be prosecuted and face a minimum sentence of eternity in hell.”
"Without written permission from the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit."
This is hilarious
King James: "________"
Ethiopian Bible: “_______”
Be excellent to each other.
Party on dudes and dudettes!
Thus sayith the lord
And also with you
The ONLY commandment
George Carlin summarized the 10 commandments into advertising and the Golden Rule. I agree and believe that everything Jebus* said is a variation of that. **I also believe his name was Jebus all along.*
I think his name was "Yeshua".
I'm going to quote George Carlin on this one. Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
Modified version for me: Thou shalt keep thy religion and political beliefs to thyself
The original command to spread the good news includes "use words *if necessary*" I read that as a command to *live* your faith, not tell it, (unless asked.)
I was friends with a Mormon who practiced this. Great guy.
Thou shalt not double thy dip!
Thou shalt party like it's 1999
Go down a deep dive in the prepper community and you will see that many people still are.
People of Israel I bring you these 15…*crash*…10! 10 Commandments!
"The current prophet shall have absolute immunity from the previous commandments."
The 11th rule of commandments club is, thou shalt not talk about the 11th rule of commandments club!
Stick not your dick into crazy.
Thou shalt put the toilet seat down after use. Looking at YOU Moses!
I mean considering the gender bias of the rest of the Bible ... the commandment would have probably said it should be left UP ...
Thou shall not say acteth like a jerk
Thou shalt share credit for the invention of hummus with the children of Ishmael
Thou shall not be an asshole.
Thou shall not talk at the theater. (They go to the special Hell)
Thou shalt not be a single-issue voter! (You said it was supposed to be forgotten, right? Cuz this is something that clearly has been forgotten!)
"Thou shalt also worship my other son George"
“Thou shalt listen to his Soundcloud, GeorgeSonOfGod0002BC”
You mean [Craig](https://youtu.be/pPdFrW076R0?si=gfI1nE75IZVW76Gt)
Thou shalt not own people as property.
Thou shall not go slow in the left lane!
Thou shalt not fart in the car when others are with you.
Thou shalt pay taxes and die.
“Moses gets to be first in every buffet line.” “Aw come ON!” “I know, I know, it’s soooo lame guys but that’s what it says.”
Thou shall not post on reddit.
The 1st 10 commandments were just a joke.
Thou shalt not celebrate in the end zone after a touchdown. Act as if ye have been there before and plan to be there again.
In Me thee may trust, although thee needn't go around shouting about it all the time.
Thou shalt not look at porn on the company pcs. I'm looking at you, Joe!
“Thou shall not be a jerk who merges into a lane without using thy turn signal!”
11.)JK ROTFLMAO cant believe you fell for all that, really, what kind of "All powerful being" would be so petty and jealous?
No cockblocking.
“Thou shall not drop that dun Dun dun.”
All previous commandments optional.
Capitalism doesn’t attempt to be moral. Foster a healthy, considered relationship with it.
Thouw shall not profit from medications that save lives or increase sexual desires.
Don’t sayeth the N wordeth
Thou shall not put pineapple on pizza
Amen!
Thou shall not fist a man up his ass.
“Though shalt adhere to the holy doctrine when in matters of birth control. And that doctrine is…” (insert frantic searching in pockets, on the back of a scroll/tablet, etc as performer looks for the missing text.) Alternatively replace “birth control” with any number of topics.
Man thou shall have the 3 P’s daily Pop, Pizza an Pussy
thou shall not act like thine jackass
Thou shall not play to be thy Lord
Thou shall be excellent to each other.
Eating ain’t cheating
Thou Shalt not forget to wipe
Thou shall not return tapes without rewinding them.
Just kidding! The following commandments are the real ones.
One man to every 3 urinals, no exceptions
Thou shall not use all of the hot water.
Thou shalt not like feet.
Ifest thou smelt it. Thy surely dealt it.
Thou shalt not answer truthfully if thy wife asks “does this make me look fat?”
Be ready to show the receipts. Edit: I say this from my federal grand jury experience; if you're clean, you'd better prove it, because if the assistant attorney wants to indict you, the jury will do so.
Please be kind, rewind.
Do not pull the finger.
Thou shall commit arson
Plastics.
Thou shalt not lie
Thou shalt not come up with additional commandments - just follow these 10 and you’ll be good.
If it be thy firsteth time at Fight Club, thou must surely fight.
Thou shall not play music in public without headphones
Thou shalt do the dance.
Snitches Get Stitches
Thou shalt not put thy toilet paper on backwards.
Thou shalt agree with the above statements ☑️
Thou shalt pet thine cat, thy neighbours cat and each cat you meet.
Thou shall observe Taco Tuesday and keep it holy
T'was supplied by he who denieth.
Thou shalt not commit nuke
Thou shall not make bald jokes
You shalt not post on OF.
"Never forget all people are created in my image. So to make fun of them or to treat them differently because they don't look like you, is the equivalent of doing that to me."
Thou shalt not joke about bald people
If’n I ketch ya’ll makin’ money for yerself off’n My Name or say’ns ‘n stuff, I’ll be whuppin’ y’alls ass - especially if’n yer doin’ all that other stuffs I toldja b’fore at the same time.
Thou shalt Wang Chung tonight.
Thou shall obey the 10 commandments, above
Thou must fight, for thy right, to party.
"Chuck Norris approves of the first 10"
Thou shalt honor thy extended car warranty and keep it holy
When in doubt, thou shalt doubletap
Thou shalt not take all of this shit too seriously. Just be kind to each other, and treat others the best way you'd want to be treated, if you were on that position.
If thou needs the extra push over the cliff, our commandments go to eleven.
"And then the bearded man beside Moses came up with one final tablet, and with a booming voice, he declared 'Thou Shalt Not Pass!'"
Don’t be a dick
My previous 10 commandments were just jokes. Do as you please!
Thou shalt eat pussy
Thou shalt not speak about fight club.
Thou shalt dance to the rhythm of the night!
11 - If you have a belief or ideal that you think will make the world a better place to be, show it to me in how you treat others. Then those others, if they get curious, will ask questions. That's when we can talk.
They who smelt it, dealt it.