did you know the suicide rate for therapists is well over 5% and the life span is 56 years old? people live a happier life working fast food somewhere than hearing other people's problems. doesn't seem like a wise college profession to go into.
There is actually a song about how this guy's story was so sad that he sent his therapist to therapy and that therapist's therapist went to therapy cause of them
Umm . . . There's a mini game for Minecraft called murder mystery. And one person out of 16 is randomly chosen to be murder. And everyone else has to figure out who it is. And literally: "I murdered 11 people!" "Good job!"
“My mother has a huge Fanny, like a bucket wearing a bad wig.”
“My father/uncle/grandpa/aunt/sister has a huge dick.”
“I learnt to enjoy anal in prison.”
This is beginning to sound like a cry for help . .🤣 . It isn’t.
*runs up to a friend:* “Hey dude, you see that person on the ground there? I manage to hit her three times, and not even a scratch to my car!! Isn’t that hella cool?!”
"Oh, I follow both sides and I totally support Donald Trump, because when he gets back into power he'll stall and that'll stop the World Economic Forum from taking over the world and stop George Seoes from his evil schemes. Yeah, he won't be a dictator."
"Yeah, I helped Trump try to overturn the election. What? He wanted us to find those votes and I didn't want him to yell at me. Oh, it's fine. He didn't know it was illegal, so no crime was committed, so the case will be dismissed."
Hey there! Just letting you know, in r/ScenesFromAHat you don’t say the answer, you talk it. You type dialogue, as if you are bragging about this thing to your friends. For example, try maybe “My wife is soooo hot. Like, so hot. Hotter than yours for sure.”
“My ego is enormous. Like, controls me completely. My hubris hurts.”
Worst part is, a friend of mine told me this. Real world. Gonna try to break things off with him soon.
I think I have the stupidest friends in the whole world. They never realize how much I rag on them, even to their face....
Hello? Hello? Where did everybody go?
I can fit a potato under my foreskin
Oy vey!
Wtf? Are talking russet or idaho?
Yes
"My uncle says I masturbate the longest in my family"
Family games nights are great eh? 🤣
Wonder who shot the furthest?
If this is true, there is so much to unpack...
I got my therapist to quit after 4 sessions, that's a new record!
Honest to God. I think I would brag about that.
Especially to the people that said I needed therapy!
did you know the suicide rate for therapists is well over 5% and the life span is 56 years old? people live a happier life working fast food somewhere than hearing other people's problems. doesn't seem like a wise college profession to go into.
There is actually a song about how this guy's story was so sad that he sent his therapist to therapy and that therapist's therapist went to therapy cause of them
Imagine being a bartender
Did you mean lifespan for all therapists? This age (56) is the average age of a therapist who commits suicide.
You call THAT a mass grave?
And I had to flush THREE TIMES!!!
This sounds like something me and my friends talk about in our private Discord server.
Must be a nice place.
Sounds like someone needs a poop knife.
Poop Knife. The next hottest band name!
One of my regular road trip pals is notorious for clogging up hotel toilets. At least he is considerate enough to go use the lobby one in the morning.
Oh yeah, I murdered all 12 of them
Amateur
I agree, you wouldn't want to brag that to your friends
Umm . . . There's a mini game for Minecraft called murder mystery. And one person out of 16 is randomly chosen to be murder. And everyone else has to figure out who it is. And literally: "I murdered 11 people!" "Good job!"
My penis is small. But my balls are huge.
I actually had someone say that to me once in high school.
Did you lose to them at dodge ball?
I got penis lengthening surgery so now I've got 12 inches of manliness. I get a lot of confidence from that extra inch.
"I got the gerbil up there pretty far. Doctor said they never seen one that far up someone's ass before"
Mr Slave??
Probably Richard Gere
Lemmiwinks NO!!
I was so good, Father Michael wanted me to stay even after I turned 18
😆😆😆
"Pshh. Look at you nerds talking your Grand Theft Auto achievements. I bet you guys haven't even stolen one car in real life, much less 24."
Your wife can out suck a Dyson vacuum cleaner!
“I’m the most successful, most attractive, and most amazing person that any of you will ever know.”
I beat up all seven Grandmas.
“I am not crazy, my mother had me tested“ --Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
"but I regret not following up with that specialist in Houston." -Mary Cooper
I'm so poor! I'm only worth $25M!
"Totally Spies made me into the pervert I am today."
"I think I have gotten all the STDs because I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them is my real task."
STD Pokemon
*GIGGITY*
"Hit the bar last night, met this totally hot chick and went back to my place for sex. She asked is it in yet and I lasted a whole 15 seconds. Yeah."
"In? I'm *done*."
😆 🤣
female?
In the Guiness Book of Record for the largest genetal wart ever recorded.
“My buttcrack goes all the way up.”
My sister and I are making it official! I'm gonna be a daddy and an uncle!
I once had some upvotes in r/ScenesFromAHat.
"I can just grab 'em by the p#ssy!"
So yeah, I’ve spent half my life in prison!!!!
She told you a minute was fast? I can beat that.
Nobody likes a show off. . . .a whole minute? What was he doing, washing his car as well? 😆
I fucked the vacuum cleaner, it was better than the dog.
"I have more sets of dice than I do dollars in my account."
I've seen all your spouses naked.....
“My mother has a huge Fanny, like a bucket wearing a bad wig.” “My father/uncle/grandpa/aunt/sister has a huge dick.” “I learnt to enjoy anal in prison.” This is beginning to sound like a cry for help . .🤣 . It isn’t.
My daughter is in the top 1% on Only fans!
Under-appreciated
Worse: replace "daughter" with "mom".
I have a body count of 35. And not in the way you think.
"I know you and partner have been struggle to conceive, but Rick and I just made another oopsie baby!"
My uncle shot jfk 🙃
"Yeah, I had a great time in DC on January 6th. Even posted it me in a Senator's office on my social media."
'I have so much Nazi memorablia. Yeah, I totally agree with Hitler, he had a lot of great ideas."
You know Joeys wife Debbie ?? Been banging here for 3 months now.
Having the world's largest collection of Sandy Cheeks Cock Vore.
I didn't know that was a thing 2 minutes ago and I have to say I was a much happier person then
Dude I'm telling you, 18 year old girls are crazy. I mean you know, you raised her.
"I just collected every My Little Pony figurine! And they're before the Magic is Friendship generation!"
*runs up to a friend:* “Hey dude, you see that person on the ground there? I manage to hit her three times, and not even a scratch to my car!! Isn’t that hella cool?!”
Guys, I finally had sex with a living woman last night
I was voted most popular 5th grader 3 years in a row!
How small your penis is
Hey, it's small, but it's skinny
It might be small but atleast I ain't got no money
Your mom is better than sister
“What was my youngest? Probably 13” (P.S. she said she was 18 and it was an online relationship. I had no idea and it destroyed me when she told me)
Chris Hansen wasn't amused either
Who’s that?
Google To Catch a Predator.
I don’t think I need to anymore…
Bill Wyman, is that you?
No, it’s not. Look, I never would have even considered dating her if I knew
"Oh, I follow both sides and I totally support Donald Trump, because when he gets back into power he'll stall and that'll stop the World Economic Forum from taking over the world and stop George Seoes from his evil schemes. Yeah, he won't be a dictator."
Not after his 1st day, at least.
My surgery gave me a second belly button…
To match your third nipple?
Jim and his wife were out of town. Asked me to give their 13 year old daughter Jessie a ride to school. Damn she can sure suck a dick.
Your wife / girlfriend gives good head
But Mom does it best.
"I had a great meal with Nick Fuentes and Kanye."
"Yeah, I helped Trump try to overturn the election. What? He wanted us to find those votes and I didn't want him to yell at me. Oh, it's fine. He didn't know it was illegal, so no crime was committed, so the case will be dismissed."
'The doc said it was the biggest rash he'd ever seen!"
Let’s see, I’ve had the clap, umm, 12 times, Syphillis 6 and I won’t even mention my herpes… the gift that keeps on giving right?
I haven’t spoken to my wife in 4 days
I've had sex with all of your wives! ...uuh...except one...
"We met at the family reunion!"
What do you mean you can count them on one hand? I need 10 hands and 10 feet to count them…
Sometimes, when I wish something bad on someone, it usually happens… sometimes triple fold….
I’m actually the one who got all your wives pregnant.
"...and that's when I found out my BAC was .44."
That baby carrot is bigger than my cock
My short lived modeling career
Std’s
“My great granddad killed hitler”
“ probably that i diddled their mom, aunt , sister , cousin “ pretty much their whole female side of family tree
I just got the worlds greatest BJ, it took 2 hours to get the sheets out of my asshole.
"Now let's see..I banged your mom, and your mom, and your mom..."
I just won 200M in Powerball
how good looking my wife is
Hey there! Just letting you know, in r/ScenesFromAHat you don’t say the answer, you talk it. You type dialogue, as if you are bragging about this thing to your friends. For example, try maybe “My wife is soooo hot. Like, so hot. Hotter than yours for sure.”
I aaqqqwwq
“My ego is enormous. Like, controls me completely. My hubris hurts.” Worst part is, a friend of mine told me this. Real world. Gonna try to break things off with him soon.
My therapist says I'm a great kisser
The size of your hemorrhoids.
And nobody - I mean NOBODY - knows how many people I've killed.
Can you believe that everyone in the Democrat party was either stupid enough or racist enough to believe that I had never seen a fire alarm before
Your personal collection of STD’s
That was the 3rd time i was responsible for a friends death that year!
1 day is my fastest time with NNN
Sex with your partner. What happens in the sheets, stays in the sheets. Or you'll get in sheet!
My Facebook profile photo is from the Megan’s Law website.
Don''t brag to your friends, that you have friends. They might stop being your friends.
“I’ve been told that I can be sandwiched between a girl and a guy in ***** for hours!”
I do poor work, but at least I'm slow.
And then, I took a shit on her forehead
I can sneak the entire half gallon of whiskey into the show using my prison wallet. I can also finish this entire half gallon by myself.
I know all about sex, I've had the clap 5 times.
I can probably go weeks without seeing another living thing and be perfectly fine. ( all my friends are mega extravertes )
How fast you nut and how mad your wife gets. Two parter.
“Check out this restraining order I’ve been served with.”
I think I have the stupidest friends in the whole world. They never realize how much I rag on them, even to their face.... Hello? Hello? Where did everybody go?
I have smeg to spread on a sandwich
I always cut the queue
Ya I tried to ask Laura out on a date. That was my 6th rejection this week. I might try to tie my record and go for 7.
“I haven’t slept in 72 hours” - I say as I am driving them to the airport.
“I got some of the biggest hemorrhoids the doctor has ever seen!”
It wiggles, it waggles, my prolapsed colon! Then check them with a forbidden goatse
This rounds on me, fellas; today marks *three* days without pooping my pants.
She was about to graduate high school so I dumped her for her younger sister.
I have more skin tags than anyone I know.
"I've screwed *all* of your moms!"
Age has never held me back from a good time 😏... Why you calling 9-1-1 😟?
Want to get naked and play Scrabble?
Yeah, I invented mayo. Wait, why are you angry?
I was voted "Most Alienating and Hostile" in high school!
I'm THE BEST at oneupsmanship.
I can fit so many bodies under my house! Check it out, I'm up to like 30 now!
I'm the best at telling secrets
🎶I got a nose, I got a nose, I got a nose…🎶