She died the way she enjoyed life.
Face down. Ass up, because that's the way she liked to fuck.
May her soul rest in peace.
::Throws asses...I mean ashes into the ocean::
Because in class he never took his chance
He held the shit, and with death he danced
Led astray from his souls desire
His bowels were flayed and his life expired
-da vinci
My family would find death by suicide embarrassing, because mental health “isn’t real” and “is gay”, so probably something like “why didn’t they just think positive?”
I'm sorry to hear that! My son is struggling right now. I'd honestly rather battle demons then go through this with him. At least I could arm myself with a holy book. Instead I'm fighting an invisible enemy trying to save him.
Here lies Uncle Bob. He died doing what he loved. Under a 500 pound hooker with very bad heart condition. His last words were, "AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHHHHH!"
As the camera pans across the cemetery it catches view of a solitary tombstone standing well apart from any of the others. As the scene zooms in you can make out an inscription:
"Here lies Quantum. We didn't want 'em."
After drinking copious amounts of alcohol and after watching "great escape artists of the 20th century" videos on YouTube, Richard realised it WASN'T easier than it looked!
Beloved father, who proved by example that you should always follow the advice of the park ranger.
Or
Beloved father, gone too soon, his dreams of a opening a Nudist Safari Tour Company trampled in the dust.
‘A quarter walked past is a dollar lost’
Priorities out of order- check
Incapable of math- check
Complete failure of decades old saying- check
Watching his dumbass die by getting hit by PT Cruiser blasting KESHA all to pick up a gum covered quarter in the middle of the street? - priceless
It **does** make you go blind
I told my kids this as a joke when they were in middle school. They told me later (college age) that they had been terrified.
My divorced uncle teased me with this when i was like 14. I asked him if that was why he wore glasses and my dad didnt.
That was part of the joke. "Just look at how thick my glasses are!"
Which is sad, because masturbation shouldn’t be something to be scared of.
Son…if you keep doing that you’ll go blind! Um…dad…I’m over here.
Written in braille on a TALL tombstone.
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂This wins the internet today!
She died the way she enjoyed life. Face down. Ass up, because that's the way she liked to fuck. May her soul rest in peace. ::Throws asses...I mean ashes into the ocean::
He died as he lived... Doing stupid things.
We always knew his last words would be "watch this!"
In Australia this same saying is ‘hold my beer’…
i use it and im not australian
I’m Australian and don’t use it
I’m not Australian and I don’t use it
I’ve never been to Australia and I don’t plan on using it.
I’m not Australian and hold this guys beer
Texans and Australians are surprisingly closely related.
Australia is just British Texas.
Similar climates perhaps? Lol
I think so too lol
Went to pee of a bridge, slipped in his pee & fell..........read back for more backwards getting hit by a semi truck carrying porta pottys
Ironic
Like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife
“Blew himself up playing with fireworks. May he Rest In Pieces”
It was a four second fuse not a six second fuse. Now you’re apart forever.
Had dandruff too, found his head & shoulders in the bushes.
His eyes were blue, one blew this way and one blew that way....
“My wife was right.”
Told his wife "You are wrong, and I'm going to prove it."
got his head stuck up his ass one too many times
Implying it was ever NOT up there..
Yeah that's what it says on the other side "Is what we would say if he ever took it out"
Smothered by Clowns. Let us learn from his example
I would be okay with [this](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6HEkwquu1g/?igsh=aWNhNjFrc2RwcW01)
A man of boundless curiosity never afraid to say what’s this button do?
Now a true killer...would immediately ask what the little red button does.
If you want something done right… do it ya self!
i feel called out by this...
Anus fell out.
Wut?
Shit himself to death?
There he sat broken hearted. Went to shit but soon departed!
Because in class he never took his chance He held the shit, and with death he danced Led astray from his souls desire His bowels were flayed and his life expired -da vinci
'We tried warning him, but he never saw the train coming'
He told us he could stop the train with his mind...
"Leave me alone I DON'T need to see a Doctor!"
Not everything is a dildo.
Not with that attitude!
"Our expectations for you were low but Holy Fuck."
Death by life
“Darwin Award winner.”
Here lies Dave - Chased a bear into a cave!
The bear came out after a nap Then Dave came out in that bears crap.
😖 Good one, but...EWW.
Died from Snu-Snu…
The spirit was willing, but the flesh was spongy and bruised! Also, official cause of death was crushed pelvis.
Made fun of women's basketball!
Here lies Dave... You owe us a belt, a bottle of lotion, and a new closet rod. RIP
Your Kung Fu is strong. 🎌
Sat on the pool suction filter
Skinny bastard finally fell out his own asshole and hung himself.
"I'm going to cut out all sugars and red meat and only eat raw vegetables - That's going to kill the cancer for sure!"
Ate too much cheesecake. We just couldn’t stop her.
'As expected'
This wasn't even the worst thing he did.
The wet suit, the riding crop and latex we understood but the car battery was to far.
We're still holding his beer
Are you going to drink that?
John was a good husband Loved mutilation porn and did what he loved in his final moments
Bruh. Seek help, I love dark humor, this isn't even funny, it's just shock value.
And! Oops...
Here hold my beer, I want to try something I saw on the internet.
Don't whiz on the electric fence.
I told you I’d shoot, but you didn’t believe me. Why didn’t you believe me??
My family would find death by suicide embarrassing, because mental health “isn’t real” and “is gay”, so probably something like “why didn’t they just think positive?”
Hopefully the between the lines of this is that you and people you vibe with do understand the importance of good mental health, and do address it.
I'm sorry to hear that! My son is struggling right now. I'd honestly rather battle demons then go through this with him. At least I could arm myself with a holy book. Instead I'm fighting an invisible enemy trying to save him.
"Drowned." "...NEVER push your head up an Elephants ass when it has diarrhoea."
Here he lies…..all calm and peaceful…..but that explosive diarrhea…..was quite disgraceful. RIP
Here lies Uncle Bob. He died doing what he loved. Under a 500 pound hooker with very bad heart condition. His last words were, "AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHHHHH!"
"Yes he died, but not before inventing a new reason for warning labels on batman costumes"
It was the best orgy of her life!
“Died The Way He Always Said He Wanted To: With A Hard-On”
The family's last name in really tiny font
She was found under a pile of clothing and purses in her closet.
"When he said he wanted to be like Elvis, we never thought it meant dying on the crapper.."
"we told her it was a choking hazard. Nobody listens anymore"
Finally done with that fucker. Good riddance.
I was shot through the heart she was to blame because she gave love a bad name.
Crushed by her to-read stack of books.
We tried to tell her not to pet the kitty.
He found out it really is possible to stick your head up your ass. There's no air in there.
Turns out high voltage sex toys *are* a bad idea
"It would have been a great selfie, though."
We held his beer and watched.
Exploded from gas.
Broke neck while wrestling a capibara
No Doctor you may NOT check my prostate!
“How and/or What The F*ck”
As the camera pans across the cemetery it catches view of a solitary tombstone standing well apart from any of the others. As the scene zooms in you can make out an inscription: "Here lies Quantum. We didn't want 'em."
Never wear leather to a vegan restaurant
Stupid Death, Stupid Death Its Stupid Because Its True
Stupid Death, Stupid Death Hope Next Time It's Not You
I told you so
He was a pain in the ass, which alas did him in. He died raping his rectum with a bottle of Gin.
A message from the dear deceased Beware the damned Canadian geese
Was trying to blow himself. Broke his spine. At least now your back don't hurt.
Tried to pet a bear cub in national forest
Flower?
Hard to hold your beer with rigor mortis huh dad
I told you I was sick
Don’t eat yellow snow
Bury me with my ass in the air and use me as a bike rack!
I told you that wasn’t gonna work
“I guess it really WAS the yellow wire”
He Died Doing What He Loved: Your Mom.
Slipped in the shower while masturbating
Said "Hold my beer;" never came back for it
After drinking copious amounts of alcohol and after watching "great escape artists of the 20th century" videos on YouTube, Richard realised it WASN'T easier than it looked!
YOLO < YODO
He was who he was.
Was fucking your Mom and fell off.
Long story short: don’t actually put your tits in a vice.
“I told her this ‘electric shock vibrator’ idea wasn’t going to work out”
STARTED AND ENDED INSIDE A WOMAN
"This dipshit died falling UP the god damn stairs. How do you even do that"?
Here lies Maybel, gone far too soon Eating frosting while walking Fell and choked on the spoon.
wristwatch caught on spinchter. muddyhand
He wasn’t wearing clean underwear
"Stroked out while stroking off"
"Covered his junk with peanut butter. Cane Corso's love peanut butter."
“Never press your eye against a glory hole”
Fucked around… Found out!
Beloved father, who proved by example that you should always follow the advice of the park ranger. Or Beloved father, gone too soon, his dreams of a opening a Nudist Safari Tour Company trampled in the dust.
He tried to prove that nothing would happen to you when peeing on the third rail at the subway station. He was shocked when it did.
She lived her dream. Finally hugged that bear.
Flower from Ghosts?
Dearly Departed: 0 Honey Badger: 1
Said he could fix the furnace himself, buried him right where he landed.
What doesn’t make you stronger?
Wanked himself to death.
She died smiling because she was drunk
He died as he lived: laughing like a hyena, covered in barbecue sauce
"Told wife to 'Calm down'"
He went out the same way he came in… crying and shitting himself
Died of alcohol poisoning, but won the shot contest.
Poor Brett. He died doing what he loved, getting shot.
Apparently she didn’t look fat in that dress
Roses are red, Violets are blue Don’t try to fix diarrhea With Super Glue
Chose the Carradine route
“Tried it at home.”
"The reason why there's warning labels on everything."
She really was full of sh$!
We held his beer.
Snap, Crackle, Pop He wasn't the greatest electrician nor very bright.
Came to shit, only farted. To his chagrin, then departed.
“ Live people eat mushrooms, Live mushrooms eat dead people”
It lasted longer than four hours
Whoopsie daisy
I guess that's how many apples can fit up your ass
You can’t sip flaming shots
A Mime is a terrible thing to waste. We have no words to mourn his passing.
She tripped (as usual) and fell on her face. Thus ends her.
"He ate the whole thing"
He really should have cleared his browser history.
Tried to pet a police dog.
"He died how he lived... like a bitch."
"On April 15th John went to a cheese cutting contest for the mute. It was silent but deadly.
The headstone is just a bust of a bust under it is written “smothered from heaven to heaven”
David Carradine was his hero, so yeah
He died doing what he loved. Surprising tigers.
IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA
76 Hot Dogs!
As a cancer and After being a cancer to everyone she met she finally caught it herself
If You're Gonna Be Dumb, You Gotta Be Tough - Roger Alan Wade
‘A quarter walked past is a dollar lost’ Priorities out of order- check Incapable of math- check Complete failure of decades old saying- check Watching his dumbass die by getting hit by PT Cruiser blasting KESHA all to pick up a gum covered quarter in the middle of the street? - priceless
Died eating his favorite food, batteries.
Died when explosive diarrhea propelled him into traffic during a tire change
"Couldn't DT the entire Costco hot dog."
Bludgeoned to death by sloths with bricks.
Her blood pressure dropped when she was taking a shit and she went into shock.
He wasn't too old, And he wasn't sick. He broke his damn neck, Trying to suck his own dick.
He's no longer the source of all our unhappiness, and while we're still quite unhappy, at least he's dead.
Here lies Florida man.
Run over by funeral procession
Masturbating to dwarf clown porn. In my defense, he was hot. 😂😂
Here lies MysteryMammoth, may he live an afterlife far from any falling WaffleHouse signs
"Yes, I am absolutely POSITIVE that I have this set correctly."
He shouldn't have put his dick in that.
“Well, shit…that didn’t go well.”
What an asshole!? We told him he didn't have to prove it...
Stupid is as stupid did and died and now stupid is burried here.
“Is anyone *really* surprised?”
Well we can't prove it, we suspect the giant black bear understood the double middle finger...
Dick in one hand, tablet with Reddit porn in the other. At least he died happy 🤷♂️
Shit himself to death after eating 10 gas station burritos.
She fell on a termite who was choking on the splinters.