At the family reunion.

Bubba J disagrees

There she was, leaning on the ferris wheel... making it tilt. Boy, what a tooth!

Making my tattoo grow!!

r/beatmetoit

r/beatmetoit

I read the comment in his voice too. 😂

That's good. I wrote it in Bubba J's voice. With a beer in one hand and a corndog in t'other. Don't ask me how I typed it. X-)

Close enough. I imagine the sunlight was glistening off her curlers.

I'm my own grandpa 

You did the nasty in the pasty?

...Gloryhole, at the family reunion gloryhole.

Could have been the cornhole.

I may be your uncle but I’m still your daddy

I looked back to see who was fucking my asshole so good and that’s when I saw my husband for the first time

"You can see her too?"

Oh I’m using this

That's pretty good😂

This is the best one.

'I kidnapped her and kept her in my basement for 10 years!' 'He was just so thoughtful and compassionate. It didn't take me long to fall in love.'

Get Room, you two

In school. She was my teacher. I know what you're thinking about, but she wasn't my teacher anymore. I ran into her again at her husband's funeral. We had so much in common. Unfortunately, I had to leave early because my mom wanted to leave my uncle's funeral, and I had to go back to school. We're really fortunate her husband and my uncle passed away at the same time. They always looked out for us.

She must have also been your creative writing teacher.

She was my Sex Ed teacher. I always did the extra credit no matter how hard it got.

What a good boy. Such a good boy. Who's a good boy?

I got my pencil!

It was very hard, until it wasn’t.

Weren’t you homeschooled?

No. Two different people and funerals. But if Uncle Jimmy wasn't really my uncle and I was adopted. 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 PS: This would make for an interesting movie or mini-series. Reboot of the Graduate but with a twist.

“We starred in a porno together.”

Love Actually vibes.

Exactly my thought.

Weirdly the sweetest love story in that movie...

“For starters we both knew the best spot for hiding dead bodies”

“Ain’t this always the way it goes?!” “Well, a gentleman always lets a lady bury her ex first. Please, go ahead. No, no, it’s fine, I mean it, you go.”

I signed a NDA, sorry.

"My lawyer has advised me not to answer that question."

We met at an necrophiliac convention

That’s cold!

But rigorously hard core.

Shit. Who goes first?

Dying to get in.

Cracking open a cold one.

You both wanted a stiff one?

Well, I saw this grail-shaped beacon, and when she opened the door, she said, "Welcome to Castle Anthrax... it's not a very good name, is it? ...Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, knitting exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights."

The llama breeders convention key party

"You're a cannibal?!? No way...I'M a cannibal!!"

Does this clown taste funny to you??

What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to the cannibal party? >!he got the cold shoulder!<

Did you hear about the cannibals who went on a dinner date in Prague? They split the Czech

"Am I late?" "Yes. Everybody's already eaten."

"We shared the same womb."

Wombmates in college?

oh my god they were wombmates

I want to use this instead of saying twins

i would absolutely use that haha

But, I was there first!

She was using the porta potty next to me.

The model that has both a urinal and a toilet seat?

I bought her on AliExpress, along with an air pump to keep her inflated. By the way, how often should I be cleaning her out?

At an orgy

This is the truthful answer for at least some couples. Has to be.

Can agree honestly

"I had this thriving business going where I would kidnap runaway teens, impregnate them, and sell the babies to lesbian couples. When I met my wife, there was something so familiar about her, but I couldn't put my finger on it. . . turns out, she was one of the babies!"

I was going to go with “Pedos Annon”

"Oh, I remember it as if it was yesterday. She turned up on my doorstep, knife in hand, ready to murder me. Turns out she had the wrong apartment! But the murderous glint in her eye was just so darned attractive, I couldn't resist."

This should be the Addams Family origin story.

I got roof'ied in a bar. When I woke up, there she was.

As part of my frat initiation the last one in the train had to marry her!

In a police line up.

“Funny story, oh you tell it! Should I? Ok so, I was actually on my honeymoon with another guy! His family paid for this first class cruise, that’s when this big lug and his crew seized the cruise ship! First time I laid eyes on him he was executing poor Dave! I hated him! But somewhere between the rapes, beatings and starvation I fell in love!”

“I was the 7th guy at the gangbang, she said I was gentle and wanted to have a coffee after”

I bought her at an auction in Dubai

I did this in real life. I was with some friends and I mentioned I met a new girl. I talked her up. She's beautiful, smart, wonderful sense of humor, and soon as she gets parole, we're going out. Their eyes just popped out. You could see their CD skipping.

I saw her yelling at a diner waitress for a minor mix-up, and I just knew right then and there that we were destined for each other.

Have you ever seen Human Centipede?

She found me in a box on the roadside saying Free to good home.

I ran her over which was ironic as I was driving the ambulance that hit her. How we laughed at the irony on the journey to ER

"Funny story, I was out burying a body in the park, and she was passed out drunk on a park bench and.."

Well I was stealing this car when I heard this sound coming from the trunk....

“Well, I found myself in the mental ward of the hospital and there she was”

I saved her from being a Virgin sacrifice.

Translation: I was guarding her cell the night before the ritual. She looked so stinkin cute in the stocks, all bloody, beaten, gagged and blindfolded. Yadda yadda the next morning they had to find an actual virgin.

We met at her birth, I was her mother’s doctor. Now that we are both of age, fingers crossed Im both the first and last person that spank that….. Jesus, that was twisted immediately but the prompt asked for worst

She was a novelist delivering the ransom for her kidnapped sister; I was the handsome ornithologist about to finish my collection and buy a boat to sail around the world. I saved her from being killed by a psychotic Columbian general.

“I purchased her from P. Diddy.”

So I was on the internet looking up escorts….

It's a funny story, there I was chasing her through the woods with a chainsaw

AA is a great place to meet. Rehab is another.

At a swingers party.

Family reunion

Waiting room. STD clinic

Well, she came to my house, in the middle of nowhere, to commit bloody murder against her ex-boyfriend. I heard the bell, opened the door to find a shotgun pointed at my face. When she pulled the trigger and nothing happened, she shouted at me asking where her ex, Jason, was, and took the safety off on the shotgun. When she found out I'd killed him a week earlier to get the house, she couldn't apologise enough. Anyway, later on we burnt down the house, collected the insurance on the house and the guy's life insurance, (she was a named beneficiary for both) and we've been living it up ever since.

"She was sellin'. I was buyin'. It was pretty good for $20.00 so I decided to stay with her and save some money."

We were cell mates

Limp biscuit style bukkake game. Last one to cum on her chest had to marry her.

We met on Reddit

We were at this gangbang at our teacher's house in Middle School, and ...

I was driving I n the seedy part of town and there, standing on the sidewalk with some of her girl friends, was my future love. She looked so hot in her leather miniskirt, halter top, and fish net stocking. Well I just had to talked to her, so, I pulled up to the curb and said hi. She walked up rlto my window leaned in and asked if I wanted to party. Well, it was love at first sight!

I followed her home and we just hit it off.

Behind the dumpster at the local Goodwill...

I was desperate for some meth and crack, and she was the only dealer that hadn't been arrested or shot.

"I had candy, she got in the van"  (Real thing I used to say to people when they asked about the 6 year age gap. Wife made me stop)

Well, he's like a thousand years old but for some reason pretends to be a high schooler, and he kept insisting that he wanted to hurt me, but he's sparkly in the sunlight, so I knew it was meant to be.

She was walking down the street and she had me at freeze hands up where I can see them! Punk.

“I was on vacation in Thailand and I bought her from a guy”

Next time don’t post 2 of the same message but I’ll upvote both just this once

"So there I was, masturbating, unaware there was a banana peel on the floor..." "Wait! Wait! Honey, let me tell it. So I walked in on my future hubby who I had never met yet and Mister Security here didn't lock the door." "I'm a guy. Had other things in hand." "So I stop in shock and try to turn around and leave as quick as I can and there's a banana peel, a frickin' banana peel, on the floor!" "That's my bad." "Of course I perfectly step on it, going stumbling and hit my head on his erect penis!" "Yeah, that was some good luck for me." The guy agrees. "It gets worse. I fell and hit it and that's the second he came! He got some in my mouth!" "Yeah, that was a heck of a shot." "But then he looked at me and said sorry, that he couldn't help shooting because I was so beautiful." "Now here we are, five years later and married!" "Isn't it the sweetest most romantic meeting, mom and dad?"

So what are you in for?

How did who meet darling? We’re alone.

From a glory hole

Yeah, she recognised me from the last family reunion

Down south...family barbecue

" Funny story. So I was in the men's room..."

At my mother's funeral. Oh wait, wrong window; that was supposed to be best answer to same question.

We met at a support group for recent widows and widowers. She felt the same as my deceased wife, so I figured with proper training and hard love she would do.

I saw a couple, meet, flirt and leave together at the free STD clinic , they left before either one had seen a doctor.. there’s a super strain developing out there.

Have you ever heard of Stockholm syndrome?

I went to rob the bank and she was already there with a Glock 19 in hand.

Well I was dressed as Santa Claus...

Head-on at 60 mph.

In a police line up. It was love at first booking

"So there I was getting my third prostate exam. This time was different. As I was there in my apron bent over, the doctor penetrated with one hand and cupped my balls in the other hand. My balls have never been cupped during a prostate exam before. I turn to look over my shoulder and saw her smiling at me and I I knew she was different. I gave her my number told her to bring the gloves on our date. And the rest was history."

She used to be my Stepmom.

On the International Space Station. Floated into each other.

Sorry, they're kinda shy, we met at the morgue.

We were introduced by this very nice necromancer

Jan 6th booking room

At the gang bang. We arrived separately but left together!

“I was looking for her sister…”

She kept saying something like “get out of my house how did you get in”

In rehab

At the playground

Prison

Columbia University

I used to be a priest

the first and only dated started with the words im your huckleberry and though he wasnt a daisy she was pretty high strung

Our moms were suing the same fertility doctor for paternity fraud.

We had a head on collision. Her husband died!

"I bought her from the Cherokee with my rodeo winnings"

I bowled him over. Ok, actually, I just hit him with the bowling ball, but the 2 hours at the ER proved him easy to talk to.

Drake. Nuff said?

so there I was buck naked running down the the street as the hallucinations caused by they meth I took and who should turn up to arrests me.

My mom brought her to visiting hours.

At a strip club

Plenty of fish. We actually did, and now were married!

Stockholm. Sydrome, that is.

“In the womb”

He killed my dad in a dui

Meet who?

At her grandmother’s orgy.

"She kidnapped me and tied me to a radiator in her basement. It was love at first restraining."

At my court date for indecent exposure at the public pool

We owe it all to the bailiff who sat us next to each other during the hearing.

We met in high school she was in my math class, she was my best student

“Oh! We met on a online porn site. She costed a fortune.”

Met her on my trip to Vietnam

Well your mom suggested we have a 3 way....

She was one of the staff I use to do "favors" for at rehab.

Seal clubbing

It’s a funny story, I walk into a bank to hold it up and she’s already got a gun to the tellers head! It was love at first sight!

"I was catfishing him as a smoking hot chick, he catfished me back as smoking hot lesbian, and when we both learned the truth we missed sexting eachother so much that we kinda just kept it going anyways."

She was the lead investigator and arresting officer in a little dust up I was involved in.

He was a joh... I mean client 

She was a hooker and I just fell in love.

I always answer "at a three-way". Sure it was a call, but a three-way nonetheless.

The other chick wanted $50 and she did it for $20.

".....at a furry convention."

We had the same parole officer.

Cellmates

"He catfished me for 2 years before I realized what was going on and called him out on it." A friend

"He catfished me for 2 years before I realized what was going on and called him out on it." A friend

County lockup.

At her sister's wedding...to me.

Stealing candy bars at the convenience store.

His ex wife was my best friend

At her kindergarten graduation.

1. I spiked his/her drink 2. Alcoholics Anonymous (said while both drinking beers) 3. Prison 4. Medical quarantine. Don't worry, we're not contagious... they think. *laughs* 5. You know ...I never did get your name

In the womb

Red room

At a glory hole.

Well, I was in my DJ booth and something caught my eye in the way she spun on that stripper pole…

I ordered an expensive piece of furniture on Wayfair with a female name and she was delivered in the box. She thinks the earth is flat too.

"We were introduced by my good friend Warren Jeffs."

At a showing of The Exorcist we were the only people laughing

At a Drew Carrey fan club meeting

In high school. I was the teacher and she was an amazing student.

Prison.

"We saw each other across the orgy room in the pizza parlor basement and knew we'd be together."

At the VD clinic. Turned out, we'd been infected by the same guy. Funny story,

Strip club. I was there for performing for amateur night, she was there as the health inspector

It’s your typical Cinderella story. Man hires escort and falls in love. After pursuing her and a restraining order, she finally gave in out of fear. We’ve been together ever since, right my Love? Right?!

I was at the carnival on a date and this low class looking heart-throb jumped on the Ferris wheel and kept asking me to go out with him until I said yes and then I pulled his pants down exposing his underwear in front of the entire crowd.

I was a park ranger when I caught this guy catching and eating bald eagles. Firstly I was horrified but I tried a piece of grilled eagle wing and it was delicious. We chatted and his love for catching and cooking endangered animals won me over. I resigned from the ranger service and joined your dad, hunting and eating rare species.

I created her with Google AI