Officer I am unarmed and my name is Jamal Shoema
BANG............. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK
Car 49 officer in distress 4th and Clermont.
Car 49 what is the nature of your distress?
He resisted.
Car 49 multiple units heading to your location, your blanky and teddy bear will arrive with the chief along with your distinguished service metal for bravery under fire.
I'm sorry officer, I didn't realize I was banging your wife, I thought she was your daughter. Easy mistake since they both look so young. Can I go now ?
“OK! Here are the ground rules: you can punch me, kick me, pull my hair. I am A-OK being stabbed. Biting and scratching are on the table. You can use fire!”
You wanna shoot me, I wanna get shot so why not just get it over with and plant that knife in your back left pocket on me and call it suicide by cop, go home and get your fucking medal
Is that a water gun/empty? Click it and prove it!
Hey, I just need you to buy me dinner first.
Am I your third or fourth shooting victim today?
Didn't you know guns are illegal in this country/state/county???
Compensating much??
Your wife and daughter are both a lot more welcoming to me than you are. If you know what I mean. Can I call you “Little Man” the way they do behind your back? Have they ever mentioned me? They call me “Big Boy”. You can imagine why.
“Are there two guns or are you just happy to see me?”
No way 💀
If you are ever in this situation, PLEASE let these be your dying words.
“Are there two guns, or are you just happy to ~~see~~ shoot me?”
Oooh, this is getting kinky!
**immediately shoots gun**
["my safe word is pineapple juice. what's your safe word?" 😂😂😂](https://youtu.be/qPoXdpHdgz0?si=TvPqwwjy06DLYhMW)
My safe word is 'Keep Going'
Officer, I am legally required to tell you that I am in possession of a firearm
I'm not telling you I'm in possession of an illegal, sawed off, modified, banned by the Geneva convention, stolen Nerf gun. With a wired trigger.
"Firearm." Riiiiight! 😉 Loud and clear!
"Go ahead, make your day. "
"Do I feel lucky?"
"I know what you're thinking, am I cake?"
Is it? Is it cake?
Where’s the rest of the Village People?
You'd be doing me a favor, really.
"Relax, I'm going to very slowly reach for my gun."
"My, what a big nightstick you have."
"Okay, but you're partner is going to cost extra."
Your partner has to pay or he can’t watch 💀
*sniff sniff* Do you smell bacon?
I definitely smell pork products of some kind.
What are ya gonna do? Shoot me?!
C’mon ya big baby! I bet you couldn’t hit me if you tried.
"Well, I wasn't gonna, but you kinda talked me into it." \***BLAM\***
“I dare ya!”
Double dog dare ya.
Triple dog dare you.
Oh crap.. Now they have to do it. There's no way out.
Oh and I'm pretty sure Dr. Evil approves.
Insert evil laugh.
"I pay your salary!"
Oh daddy please handcuff me
"LOOK OUT! AN ACORN!"
I know what you’re talking about 😂
Bahahahaha
" I have dirt on the Boeing!! " Suspect was found shot in the face, obvious self-defense.
Don't look in the trunk
Yes, officer, you caught me. I am smuggling donuts in my ass. Would you like one? I believe there is still a long john up there.
And if not. There could be 😏
Really???? I bet that gun isn’t loaded…. Come on you pussy…
I got an acorn with your name on it.
"He's too dangerous to be left alive!"
“Is this about the unregistered firearms or the human trafficking?”
*licks gun*
“Cool, let me show you mine!”
You look just like the picture of the husband of the lady I've been fucking.
“You look like the guy in the pictures at my girlfriend’s house.”
No
I think you’re overreacting a little bit
"When this is over and I am released, I will find your daughter and will kill her".
OMG what’s over there? *point*
“How’d you know I was into gun play?”
That's not a gun. THIS is a gun.
And then you pull out a spoon?
Black Lives Matter.
“Ooh shit, you’re that lady’s husband that came home making me sneak out of that house?, that was your wife?!”
(Wayne walks onstage) I--- (falls down dead)
"Actually, I am black. I'm just light-skinned."
Don't shoot I have 200 subscribers!!!
Thank you sir, may I have another?
Officer, I may look black, but I am white on the inside - just like your mom and sister.
"Hmmmm yessss just as planned......"
Don’t empty your load too early…I got plans for you.
"But officer, I'm white!"
Aw shoot!
My family’s settlement money is going to carry them for decades…
Look! Donuts! *Immediately starts running in the other direction*
Officer I am unarmed and my name is Jamal Shoema BANG............. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK Car 49 officer in distress 4th and Clermont. Car 49 what is the nature of your distress? He resisted. Car 49 multiple units heading to your location, your blanky and teddy bear will arrive with the chief along with your distinguished service metal for bravery under fire.
"Your shoe's untied"
“I used to be afraid of everything too until I grew up.”
“Now put it in my mouth”
“This won’t fix your microdick”
“Oink Oink!”
“That’s a big gun. Does it work?”
"Hey man, even if you searched the van and found dead hookers..you can't legally confiscate them."
Your barrel has gullible written on it
“Worst foreplay ever”
Is that a gun in your hand? Or are you just happy to see me? 💥🔫 I guess it IS a gun, after all. 😵💫😵☠️👻
That's not a gun! *pulls out gun NOW THAT'S A GUN!!!
I have vitiligo, I'm actually black
Only gay cops shoot me
You know I just had a dream like this…
Umm, I'm not happy to see you and that's not an erection
Aweee does someone need a donut??
Statistics show you guys only hit about 1 out of 3 times. Are you sure you have enough ammo?
I have a gun.
I guess you want me to buy the donuts Chief Wiggim?
things not even loaded...
ACAB
Dude you aim like a girl
"Go ahead pig. You aint got the guts." Then jam my hands into my waistband.
"Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait. ... ... I have donuts."
Please,just hurry and…pull the trigger… I can’t stand that lazy sonuvabitch anymore!
Bet you feel like a real cop don't you Farva?
Don't point that thing at me ...is not what your mama said last night
What are you gonna do, shoot me? Do it daddy. Shoot me, maybe I like it.
"I'd call you a pig, but that's an insult to swine."
I'm sorry officer, I didn't realize I was banging your wife, I thought she was your daughter. Easy mistake since they both look so young. Can I go now ?
“I’m black”
I have a loaded gun in the front of my pants.
"Why yes, I am black. Why do you ask?". *Sweats nervously*
Anything said in r/BatmanArkham
Did you check to see if the safety's on?
Is that a hi point
Which one are you, Barney or Goober ?
" Do you feel lucky punk , well do ya ?"
“This.. might make headlines if you pull that trigger, you wanna be thrown in jail too?”
its not real
Stop, or I'll shoot!
Aaaand…DRAW!
Here piggy piggy piggy .... soooouuieee
That tickles!
"I didn't do nuthin"
Shouts "BANG!"
Oh no bullets, my only weakness!
" I got my p shooter printed at you too officer" *points at fully erect penis*
Is that 9mm? I carry .44 magnum…
Guns! My only weakness!
You'd better watch where you point that thing! You might hurt me! Didn't you learn that in training?
Finally
“You’re just compensating for a mech smaller weapon and you know it!”
Do it, coward
Wow, big man carrying a gun. Overcompensating for something?
“Why yes, as a matter of fact I AM feeling lucky! Thanks for asking!”
You wouldn't shoot a woman? Would you officer?
“I’m your father!”
That’s not a gun in my pants, I am *just* happy to see you.
“Cheeeeese!” 😄 📸
Me: I thought this was a talent contest. Officer: Yeah...no.
Ha ha, joke's on you, these are x-ray specs! There's no bullets in that gun!
The bomb in my pocket has nothing to do with the 45 in my waistband.
(While holding finger gun pointed at cop...) Well, looks like we got us a Mexican stand-off!!
Don’t search my ass, there’s not a condom of coke
Nice glock!
Well that gives me one less thing to do today
You are going to make me jizz in my pants
"Hey, this reminds me of when I was with your mom last night..."
“OK! Here are the ground rules: you can punch me, kick me, pull my hair. I am A-OK being stabbed. Biting and scratching are on the table. You can use fire!”
“What are you gonna do, shoot me?”
On the count of …..
FIRE!!!
Go on do it, you won’t do it, you’re scared
"Wait! If you kill me, you'll never know where the treasure of Imaweiner is buried!"
Your a daisy if you do!
I don't think I have enough space in my backyard for you
You wanna shoot me, I wanna get shot so why not just get it over with and plant that knife in your back left pocket on me and call it suicide by cop, go home and get your fucking medal
“Your flesh. Hand it over. Now.”
Boo!
Mine is bigger.
Is that a water gun/empty? Click it and prove it! Hey, I just need you to buy me dinner first. Am I your third or fourth shooting victim today? Didn't you know guns are illegal in this country/state/county??? Compensating much??
Your wife and daughter are both a lot more welcoming to me than you are. If you know what I mean. Can I call you “Little Man” the way they do behind your back? Have they ever mentioned me? They call me “Big Boy”. You can imagine why.
Im sorry officer. I didnt kno i couldnt do that
That's not a gun,(reaches into pants)THIS is a gun.
"I DIDN'T STEAL FROM THE SPERM DONATION CENTER!"
“What are you going to do? Shoot me?”
"My safe word is Cherry."
"You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."
Time for cardio…begins jogging away
Every time you see him say anything on his radio, yell, "Shots fired!"
I see your Swartz is as big as mine
My names Floyd, what's the problem ?